Deep in the night, Sirius was lying on his bed trying to fall asleep. Once again, he couldn't. Different thoughts buzzed inside his mind, keeping him awake. He rolled from side to side, trying to find a comfortable position on the bed. However, there was nothing suitable for him. Everything seemed somewhat uncomfortable, the temperature was not comfortable, even the air seemed stale.

He sighed, and then got up. He needed to go for a walk to clear his mind and breathe some nightly air. He thought it would help him.

Soon, he exited hostel and started walking around the city of Canterlot. He breathed deeply, enjoying the feeling of fresh air entering his lungs. The night was peaceful, the moon was glowing, stars and their patterns added to the beauty of the nighttime. There wasn't anyone around, too. Sirius didn't worry about it — he would hear if someone approached him.

Slowly, he made his way through the empty and dimly-lit streets of the sleeping city. Even the guards were nowhere to be seen. It didn't raise any alarm inside Sirius' head, but he still was cautious and wary about his surroundings. However, there was no one besides him out on the streets. He was completely alone, all by himself. He was glad it was like that.

He hated being in the crowds. There were too many directions from which he could be jumped. And crowds... they would rather stare at the accident than help the victim. Maybe pull out phones and start recording so that they could upload it to the internet later. He was simply worried about his safety, that's all. It was on the edge between cautiousness and paranoia, but Sirius didn't care if people thought he had the latter. Better safe than sorry. Being aware of surroundings always helped him escape various dangerous situations and people he didn't want to encounter.

Suddenly for the former human, he found himself at the edge of the city. He knew it was situated at the side of the mountain, but only at the moment did he see its actual edge. The view was beyond breathtaking: the land of Equestria lying down below, overseen by the grand capital city. Sirius could see the very distant lights of different cities from his spot, and it was a sight he'd never seen before.

He walked to the edge. It wasn't even obstructed with anything, be it a simple fence or wall. The edge was just there, anyone could access it if they wanted.

He looked down. If someone were to fall, it would take quite some time to reach the foot of the mountain, and it would certainly be deadly if someone fell.

Death.

Only a few steps separated Sirius from death. Move a little forward, then fall, and then you're dead. There were no chances of survival. The body would become completely mangled as it smashed against the rocks, splattering insides around, replacing the gray of the rocks and green of the flora with crimson of blood.

Sirius stepped closer. He sighed shakily. It was his chance to end it once and for all. His body would be broken into pieces, and they wouldn't be sewn together. Maybe it was the reason he transformed into a pony? His body had but a simple and small hole in the chest. What if he broke his body completely? What if he destroyed the brain? What if there was nothing to contain him, nothing to use to transform?

Maybe it would allow him to die. There was only one way to find out.

His heart was pounding heavily inside his chest, his breath shaky, sweat rolled down his face as he continued staring at the foot of the mountain. Cool winds brushed against his coat, making him shiver.

He had nothing. Iclyn, all other ponies, they would move on. It was unlikely his body would be found. If so, he would be declared missing. Others would assume he ran away somewhere. He had no one to return to.

The only belongings he had were some personal hygiene things, the longsword, and the red leaf. Nothing to attach himself to.

Only one step away. Only a few centimeters. It was there, his chance to end it all. Stop everything.

He raised his hoof, but still hesitated. His whole body was shaking with adrenaline coursing through his blood system.

It was right there — loss of everything. Mind, body, memories, pain, and everything he had been through. Warm and comfortable void of nothing, blanket of black silk, veil of death's embrace. It called to him, and he longed it more than anything else.

His mouth opened and closed. The eternal prize was right before him. He just needed to take but a step. Tilt his body forward and let it go. It was simple.

It would be much simpler than to determine whether Iclyn could be trusted or not. He wouldn't have to tell her anything. He wouldn't need to tell anyone anything. There would be no need for gaining knowledge about ponies. Why would he care if he was dead?

And yet, he hesitated. Maybe there was something in this new world? Maybe there was a purpose? Otherwise, why would he be transformed into a pony, why would he appear there? There should be purpose. There must be.

He stepped back and placed his lifted hoof on the ground. He sighed. No, he wasn't going to end everything there and then. The new world had opportunities. Equestria had opportunities. His... new life had opportunities. All he needed to do was to learn what they were and then use them.

Maybe he could find another release. Maybe something could heal him.

Perhaps, he should've trusted Luna.

...

No, he mustn't trust her. Leaders are not to be trusted. If he spilled out everything, he would be forcibly medicated, sedated, and put into a mental hospital. Medicine couldn't help him in the past, it wouldn't help him then.

What he needed was a person. Someone close who could be trusted. Someone... special.

But finding that special someone would be difficult. At the surface, most people seemed kind and caring, only to turn into angry snakes later. Sirius must be careful to evade such people at all cost. They would allow his darkest secrets, what little of hopes and dreams he still had, his deepest desires to be spread. No, those things belonged only to him and him alone. If he were to ever trust them to anyone, it would be one person only, and then one he knew well to expect them to keep the secrets.

Sirius looked at the night sky, sadness in his eyes. If only he could find such a person...

Finally, Sirius managed to fall asleep. The veil of dreams encompassed him, and a peculiar dream was conjured from the depths of his mind. As it started, the colt smiled in his sleep.

He was sitting in his old room, playing with small toys. He was happy, as any child would be while playing with toys. He used his hands to pick them up, rotate, and then place them somewhere else. It was fun to him.

Then, he heard his mother calling him. She stood at the doorway of the room, looking at her son.

She was a beautiful woman: while not being tall, she was pretty fit for her age. She had slightly pale white skin, long blonde hair, and a pair of dark-green eyes, which radiated love towards her son. Her expression was soft, her posture relaxed.

"The bath is ready." she said.

"Alright, mom! Thank you!" the boy said cheerfully, standing up from the floor. He quickly collected his toys and put them in a box, which he then proceeded to place under his bed. He knew his mother wouldn't be happy if he left them lying around.

After the floor was cleared of toys, he exited the room and went to the bathroom.

"Don't forget to wash your hair!" the mother reminded him.

"Okay!" the boy responded, and then entered the bathroom. It was rather small, but he was alright with it. There was a bathtub filled with warm water, and sink with a mirror right above it.

He locked the door behind him and proceeded to take off his clothes. Once the deal was done, he prepared to get into the bathtub. He turned to it, and froze.

The water of the bathtub was still, and yet couldn't be seen through. But it wasn't the main concern — there was a half-rotten hand sticking upwards from the water.

The boy couldn't scream as he froze in fear, looking at the hand in shock and horror.

Slowly, the hand slowly sunk. As it disappeared completely, a head emerged. It was half-rotten as well: its top was devoid of skin, exposing the blood vessels and the white of the skull. One of the eyes was popped, oozing yellow, stinky liquid. The second eye was white, staring at the boy. The tip of the nose and its right side were missing, exposing the flesh. Cheeks were torn, the edges of the wounds ragged and jagged. The lower lip and half of the chin were missing as well, and the exposed tongue hanged from the hole in the bottom of the lower jaw.

Quickly, the head disappeared.

The boy sighed shakily. His senses returned to him. He quickly turned around and started unlocking the door. However, the lock was jammed, preventing him from escaping.

"Mom!" he screamed, pounding on the door,

"Everything's alright, honey?" hhis mother's worried and muffled voice came from behind the door.

"Please, help me!" the boy cried, tears streaming down his face.

"I'm coming!" his mother replied, and hurried steps could be heard.

Something made the boy turn around and face the bathtub. He screamed as he saw another hand emerging from the depths of the water. The water started turning black. The hand was even more rotten, exposing bone. Its fingertips were elongated, and much more pointed, perfect for thrusting and deadly stabbing.

The hand moved to the edge of the bathtub. Once it reached it, it grasped it firmly. Another hand appeared, and grasped onto the bathtub as well.

"Mom! Mom, please, help me! Mom!" the boy shouted, using his leg to kick the door. But it didn't open. His mother hadn't reached him yet either.

A rotten body emerged, many of its wounds oozing black and yellow liquids. The same head from before topped the body. Muscle and bone exposed, arms and legs bent in an unnatural way, there was nothing natural about the nightmarish being. Soon, the monstrosity emerged completely, parts of its skin dropping from its rotting body.

"MOOOM, PLEASE!" the boy shouted at the top of his lungs.

The door opened behind him he quickly turned around to embrace his mother.

It wasn't his mother. It was another rotten, living corpse. It outstretched its broken arms and put them around the boy.

Sirius woke up with a glass-shattering scream, and thrashed about on the bed, hitting someone in the process

"Sirius, stop!" he heard a voice. He continued thrashing, wildly flailing his limbs. Soon, he ran out of energy and collapsed, gasping for air, tears streaming down his face.

"Sirius?" he heard that voice again. He turned his head and saw Iclyn. She was holding onto her muzzle, blood streaming from her nostrils. "You... you were crying in your sleep, and I... I tried to wake you up."

He stared at her for a long while, unnerving her to the core. She found out he had nightmares in which he cried. She could use it against him. She could tell others about it.

Sirius jumped onto his hooves and used his magic to grasp around her neck tightly, pushing her against the wall. He squeezed, but not too much to choke her or break her neck. His whole body shook, still filled with adrenaline he gained from the nightmare.

Iclyn's eyes widened as she desperately tried to free herself from the deadly grasp. But she was pinned against the wall, completely helpless to the magic of the colt.

"You will not tell anyone." Sirius said with open hostility towards the filly, baring his teeth slightly.

"Sirius—" Iclyn tried to say, but Sirius used his magic to pull her, and then slammed her against the wall, returning her to her place.

"You will not." he repeated, looking her in the eyes. They expressed fear, horror, and... sadness? Sirius wasn't sure. He didn't care, either.

"I won't!" Iclyn wheezed out. "I swear!"

Finally, Sirius released her. She fell to the ground, gasped, and then coughed. She could still feel the grip on her neck even after it was gone. She rubbed the sore spot on the neck where his magic was, and then looked up at him.

Sirius inhaled deeply, and then exhaled, the last bits of the nightmare losing their grip on his mind. Swiftly, he turned to the bathroom and went there.

Locking the door behind him, he approached the sink. He turned on the water, and then looked at his mirror image.

His pupils were very small, there were dark circles around his eyes, and they were red. There were also drying tear trails under his eyes. Overall, he looked horrible.

He splashed some water onto his face, and then sighed. He looked at himself again. A bit better, but not enough.

He stared at himself for some time, coming back to his senses and calming down.

He didn't want to hurt Iclyn. He did it on instinct. She did nothing wrong, she didn't know she shouldn't have seen it.

His impulsive decision wasn't the best one for sure. It did nothing but antagonize her, and he didn't want his roommate to hate him. He didn't mean it.

He must apologize.

Turning off the water, he proceeded to return to the room. Iclyn was sitting near the wall, her eyes closed, her breath calm. There were blood running down her muzzle from the nostrils. Sirius frowned, understanding that he did wrong.

"Iclyn?" he called her as softly as he could. The filly turned her head to him, fear in her eyes. "I... I'm sorry." he hung his head in shame. He was truly sorry for his actions. "I... I didn't mean it. M-May I help you with, um, that?" he pointed at the blood.

"..." Iclyn was silent for a few moments. She was certain the apology was honest and Sirius didn't hurt her on purpose. "I'm fine. It'll stop eventually."

"Sorry..." Sirius said. "But... keep it secret, alright? Please?" sadness showed in his eyes. Subconsciously, he realized that he shouldn't push her away. She was but a teenager, and she hadn't hurt him even once. She didn't deserve what he had done to her.

"I will." Iclyn nodded.

Sirius sighed. At least one good thing emerged from the terrible situation he had found himself in.

Author's Notes:

I guess some of you might ask the following question: "What the hell, how could Iclyn forgive Sirius after that?"

A valid question.

First of all, I believe ponies would be more forgiving in every situation. The level of forgiveness, of course, depends on the person.

Second, she woke him up from a nightmare, and anyone can be pretty jumpy after it. She understood it, and that's why she forgave him.

I hope it clears up any and all confusion.