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Exploring Harry Potter's Life

Ginny W. & Harry P. - Words: 513,181 - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 60 - Reviews: 299 - Updated: 22-09-2013 - Published: 25-07-2013 - by StarLover'sLife (FFN)

October arrived, spreading a damp chill over the grounds and into the castle.

"Yeah, I've noticed that it gets a little cold in here, sometimes." said Dr. Clark picking up the phoenix blanket and covering Harry with it, who had for some reason fallen asleep.

Sirius looked over to Dumbledore pointedly who nodded solemnly.

"Poppy come here quickly, run another checkup on him quick and see what is wrong." said Dumbledore quietly. "But take care not to wake him."

Madam Pomfrey nodded and waved her wand. Dumbledore nodded his head over to Tonks, signaling for her to continue reading.

"Won't it wake him?" she whispered.

"I don't think so." said Remus brushing the hair from Harry's eyes.

Madam Pomfrey, the nurse, was kept busy by a sudden spate of colds among the staff and students.

"There isn't a year that I don't have a spring of cold cases coming to me." said Madam Pomfrey feeling Harry's forehead.

"Did Harry need it much." said Remus worriedly.

"No more than any other student in the school." said Madam Pomfrey examining under Harry's eyelids. "Strange."

"What's strange?" asked Dumbledore quickly. Everyone else went silent, minus the scuffling and the mumbled shrieks coming from Umbridge.

"Watch." she said and she opened Harry's eyes gently. When she did, they stayed open. If they hadn't seen Harry's chest rise and fall slowly, they would have thought that Harry had suddenly died in the arms (and laps) of the three men.

"What's going on?" said Sirius fearfully.

"I'd answer that, but I think I'll wait." said Dr. Nicodemus with a frown.

"Why? I'm begging you, tell us!" said Dumbledore his hands shaking.

"I've got tests running back at headquarters, we will know for certain if it is what I fear it to be." said Dr. Nicodemus.

Several people paled. If a doctor to the Rangers was afraid of what was wrong with Harry, it had to be really bad.

"So what can we do?" asked Remus quickly.

"Just let him rest when he wishes, there isn't much we can do." said Lionus his brows furrowed.

"Let's continue on. It being Harry's life, he won't miss out on anything." said Dumbledore trying to regain his cheerful tone of voice.

Her Pepperup potion worked instantly, though it left the drinker smoking at the ears for several hours afterward.

"What does that potion do again?" asked Dr. Clark holding onto one of Harry's hands tightly.

"It cures the common cold." said Madam Pomfrey, still examining Harry.

"And the side effect is smoke coming out of a person's ears? I'll stick with the stuffy nose and cough. Don't want people thinking my head's on fire." said Dr. Clark with a laugh.

"Don't you guys have a cure?" asked Draco.

"Well, there are products and medicines that cut the cold short, but we don't have a real cure." said Dr. Clark.

Ginny Weasley, who had been looking pale,

"Were you okay, Gin." said Bill quickly.

Ginny said nothing, but just looked over to where Harry laid.

was bullied into taking some by Percy.

"I didn't bully her!" said Percy defensively.

"You threatened to call Mum and have her come and take her home." said Fred sternly. "That's called 'bullying'."

The steam pouring from under her vivid hair gave the impression that her whole head was on fire.

Ginny blushed heavily. "I hate that potion."

Raindrops the size of bullets thundered on the castle windows for days on end; the lake rose, the flower beds turned into muddy streams, and Hagrid's pumpkins swelled to the size of garden sheds.

"Wow, think you can get them that size again, Hagrid?" asked Dr. Clark, trying to keep his mind of the nagging worry in his heart.

"I might be able to." said Hagrid looking down at Harry with a sorrowful look.

Oliver Wood's enthusiasm for regular training sessions, however, was not dampened,

"It never is, where practice is concerned." said George shaking his head.

which was why Harry was to be found, late one stormy Saturday afternoon a few days before Halloween, returning to Gryffindor Tower, drenched to the skin and splattered with mud.

"Oh, the poor thing." said Mrs. Weasley.

"I hope he didn't stay in those wet things for long." said Bathilda, who moved closer to the bowl and ran her old, bony fingers through Harry's hair.

Even aside from the rain and wind it hadn't been a happy practice session. Fred and George, who had been spying on the Slytherin team,

"Hey! At least we didn't go into the girls' locker room!" said Fred defensively.

"But then again, they don't' have girls on their team, so it made it easier." said George wickedly.

"We should have had Harry do it, he could have gotten in there without being seen I'll bet." said Fred excitedly.

had seen for themselves the speed of those new Nimbus Two Thousand and Ones. They reported that the Slytherin team was no more than seven greenish blurs, shooting through the air like missiles.

"It didn't look to us like they were only going ten miles faster than Harry flies." said Fred thoughtfully.

"Harry was most likely referring to the Nimbus Two Thousand's top speed." said Dumbledore with a smile.

"Why doesn't Harry fly that fast, we'd win every game easily." said George.

"If you continue to go at top speed all the time, your broomstick will start to wear away." said Sirius knowledgably, "Harry goes at a pretty standard speed, not too slow to lose sight of the snitch and not fast enough to accelerate the wear and tear on his broom."

As Harry squelched along the deserted corridor he came across somebody who looked just as preoccupied as he was. Nearly Headless Nick, the ghost of Gryffindor Tower,

"What's the point in telling us all this, we know already." moaned Zacharias.

"Mr. Smith." said Dumbledore warningly.

"Hey! Everyone else is picking on different people, why can't I pick on Potter?" said Zacharias.

"Mr. Potter didn't write these books, the knowledge is repeated for the benefit of those who might come into the readings at a later time. So unless you want to be removed from the Great Hall, please choose your words carefully." said McGonagall sternly.

was staring morosely out of a window, muttering under his breath, "… don't fulfill their requirements… half an inch, if that…"

"He's still complaining about that?" said Lionus clapping his hand to his eyes.

"You know him?" asked Sirius quickly.

"Yeah, I went to school here." said Lionus with a smile.

"Do you remember him?" Sirius whispered to Remus.

"No, he could have been before us, or after us. I can't place his face, or narrow his age." whispered back Remus. "But he looks close in age to us."

Lionus smirked when heard their discussion.

"Hello, Nick," said Harry.

"Hello, hello," said Nearly Headless Nick, starting and looking round. He wore a dashing, plumed hat on his long curly hair, and a tunic with a ruff, which concealed the fact that his neck was almost completely severed. He was pale as smoke,

"Harry described him perfectly." said Professor McGonagall with a smile.

and Harry could see right through him to the dark sky and torrential rain outside.

"Good thing you aren't still out there." said Sirius ruffling Harry's hair gently.

"You look troubled, young Potter," said Nick, folding a transparent letter as he spoke and tucking it inside his doublet.

"So do you," said Harry.

"He always did notice other people's problems before he would even think of his own." cooed Parvati.

"Yeah." sighed Lavender.

"Too bad you didn't believe him this year, instead you thought he was a nutter." growled Ron over to the two girls.

"Ah," Nearly Headless Nick waved an elegant hand, "a matter of no importance… It's not as though I really wanted to join… Thought I'd apply, but apparently I don't fulfill requirements —"

"If it's what I think it is, he's been refused many a time before." said Dumbledore sadly. "It's most distressing for him."

In spite of his airy tone, there was a look of great bitterness on his face.

"But you would think, wouldn't you," he erupted suddenly, pulling the letter back out of his pocket, "that getting hit forty-five times in the neck with a blunt axe would qualify you to join the Headless Hunt?"

"I would be happy with less hits to the neck to be completely honest." said Remus with a small smile yet he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Oh — yes," said Harry, who was obviously supposed to agree.

"He really is too eager to please." said Flitwick whispering to Professor Sprout. "Makes me wonder just what he had to do to keep the peace at the Dursleys."

Professor Sprout shook her head. "I don't want to think about it."

"I mean, nobody wishes more than I do that it had all been quick and clean, and my head had come off properly, I mean, it would have saved me a great deal of pain and ridicule.

"Who ridicules him?" asked McGonagall quickly.

"Nobody from our house, I know that." said George.

"He probably means other ghosts." said Hermione. "From outside the school."

However—" Nearly Headless Nick shook his letter open and read furiously:

"'We can only accept huntsmen whose heads have parted company with their bodies. You will appreciate that it would be impossible otherwise for members to participate in hunt activities such as Horseback Head-Juggling and Head Polo. It is with the greatest regret, therefore, that I must inform you that you do not fulfill our requirements. With very best wishes, Sir Patrick Delaney-Podmore.'"

"Wow, they aren't asking much are they?" said Lee with a smirk.

Fuming, Nearly Headless Nick stuffed the letter away.

"Half an inch of skin and sinew holding my neck on, Harry! Most people would think that's good and beheaded, but oh, no, it's not enough for Sir Properly Decapitated-Podmore."

Several people snorted with laughter.

"Never knew he was so funny." said Charlie with a laugh.

Nearly Headless Nick took several deep breaths and then said, in a far calmer tone, "So — what's bothering you? Anything I can do?"

"Hmm…the only two gentlemen in Gryffindor Tower. One is dead and one is too insecure to try and charm the ladies." said Katie with a giggle.

"He may be younger, but I wouldn't mind it if he tried charming us." said Alicia with a squeal.

"He is a little cutie." said Angelina quietly.

Fred, George and Lee all pouted.

"Yeah, but guys, we're dating you, not Harry." said Angelina tapping Fred's nose.

"And I'm not sharing." said Ginny with a smirk.

"No," said Harry. "Not unless you know where we can get seven free Nimbus Two Thousand and Ones for our match against Sly—"

"Good luck, you can't even find one free Shooting Star." said Sirius. "You can't find anything for free these days."

The rest of Harry's sentence was drowned out by a high-pitched mewling from somewhere near his ankles.

"Oh crap, it's Mrs. Norris." said George covering his eyes.

He looked down and found himself gazing into a pair of lamp-like yellow eyes. It was Mrs. Norris, the skeletal gray cat who was used by the caretaker, Argus Filch, as a sort of deputy in his endless battle against students.

"Well he's getting very close to losing the war." said Dumbledore, still furious over the part the caretaker took in the attack on Harry. "He's lucky he's still breathing right now. And when this is over, he may not have a job here any more."

"You'd better get out of here, Harry," said Nick quickly. "Filch isn't in a good mood —

"Oh, hell, he's never in a good mood." said Sirius with hollow laugh, as he squeezed Harry's hand.

he's got the flu

"Aww…poor baby." said Fred sarcastically.

"We gave him the option of taking time off to get better, it's his own fault for not resting." said McGonagall shortly.

and some third years accidentally plastered frog brains all over the ceiling in dungeon five.

"Sounds like something Fred and George would do." said Charlie looking fixedly over to his brothers.

"It wasn't them." said Snape plainly.

Fred and George stared. "Wow, he defended us." said Fred in an awed whisper.

"You weren't third years." drawled Snape. "And if you had done the defacing, which you tend to do on purpose, I would have had you clean it up."

"Just like Slughorn." groaned Sirius.

He's been cleaning all morning, and if he sees you dripping mud all over the place —"

"It's raining, what does Filch think is going to happen?" asked Tonks incredulously.

"Right," said Harry, backing away from the accusing stare of Mrs. Norris, but not quickly enough.

"Wow." said Fred looking at the sleeping form of Harry with intense disappointment.

"You didn't have the sense to hightail it the moment you see her?" said George looking at Harry as well.

"That's pathetic." said Lee shaking his head.

"And you call yourself a runner." said Sirius joining in on the fun and tapping the boy's nose.

"Knock it off." said Remus smacking the back of Sirius' head sharply. "You'll wake him."

Drawn to the spot by the mysterious power that seemed to connect him with his foul cat,

"That would be a 'familiar's' connection." said Dumbledore, looking down at the young man with a smile. He was worried about what kept knocking the small young man into unconsciousness but he knew that if the Rangers had an idea what it could be, they would sort it all out. For he himself had no ideas of his own.

Argus Filch burst suddenly through a tapestry to Harry's right, wheezing and looking wildly about for the rule-breaker.

"Oooh, yeah, he loves that second floor passageway, we always try to avoid that area." said Fred.

"He's caught us there about sixty-four times out of a hundred there." said George.

There was a thick tartan scarf bound around his head, and his nose was unusually purple.

"Wow, that don't sound like the flu, sounds more like a cold." said a first year quietly.

"Filth!" he shouted, his jowls aquiver,

"It's mud, it's not like he dumped a bunch of rubbish in the corridors." said Bill angrily.

his eyes popping alarmingly as he pointed at the muddy puddle that had dripped from Harry's Quidditch robes.

"I wonder how big the puddle really was." asked Neville.

"It was only the size of a saucer." said a somber voice overhead. Everyone looked up and saw Nearly Headless Nick, in the flesh. Well…the ghostly flesh anyway.

"Good afternoon, Sir Nicholas, what can we do for you? Or would you like to sit in on the readings? I am surprised that the rest of the school's ghosts aren't here." said Dumbledore cordially.

"Thank you, Headmaster but, no I will not be staying. I only wish to convey on our guest, my fellow ghost's and I our deepest apologies." said Nick with a low bow.

"For what?" asked Dr. Clark with a smile as he held onto Harry's hand.

"For the inconceivable conduct of Peeves, we've heard that he has stolen your eye patch and made a mockery of you several times." said Nick solemnly.

"Oh, don't worry about that, I think he's really funny." said Dr. Clark with a laugh.

"You…you do?" said Nick slightly stunned.

"Oh, yeah!" said Dr. Clark "He's hilarious."

"Oh, well…I guess…everything's alright then." said Nick, slightly taken aback. "In answer to your last question sir, we, the other ghosts and I, are taking this opportunity to have a few dearly departed friends over."

"Oh! Well, I hope you all have a pleasant time." said Dumbledore with a bright smile.

"Is Harry alright?" asked Nick curiously. "He seems to be paler than ususal."

"We hope he's alright." said most of the adults in the room.

"Well, I do hope he gets well." said Nick seriously. He bowed deeply again and slowly drifted towards the door.

"You sure you don't want to stay, Nick? This chapter has your Deathday Party!" said an excited first year Gryffindor girl.

Nick looked down at the small girl and gave her a slight smile. "If it is the year that I think it is, I would rather not. It was not one of my best years." With that, he took his leave.

"Is he always that serious?" asked Dr. Clark.

"Not all the time, but he is most of the time." said Remus with a smile.

"Mess and muck everywhere!

"How can it be all over the place?" asked Romilda. "Has he even seen Harry walk? He walks a straight line, he never deters from that."

Several people stared at her.

"You've watched him walk?" said Fred slowly.

Romilda shrugged. "So?"

"It's creepy." said George leaning away from her.

I've had enough of it, I tell you! Follow me, Potter!"

So Harry waved a gloomy good-bye to Nearly Headless Nick

"Why would he do that?" asked Seamus.

"Politeness? That seems to be the constant setting for him." said Emmeline Vance fondly.

and followed Filch back downstairs, doubling the number of muddy footprints on the floor.

"He just doubled his work load, didn't he?" said Bill with a smirk.

Harry had never been inside Filch's office before;

Sirius blinked heavily. "I've never been more disappointed, his dad and I were in trouble the second we got off the Hogwarts Express." he pouted.

"Well I've never been more proud." said Remus smugly.

"You would be." said Sirius still pouting.

"What did you guys do?" asked Fred eagerly.

"We'll tell you all about it later." said Sirius with a smirk.

it was a place most students avoided.

"And with good reason." said Sirius plainly.

"Oh, we try and sneak in once a year." said George with a large grin. "Just to nick something, out of our file and see if he notices or not, nothing so far."

"George!" shouted Mrs. Weasley angrily.

The room was dingy and windowless,

"He picked it, I offered him a big office, with large windows and a giant personal room, but, he chose the most disheveled room the school had to offer." said Dumbledore his frown turning quickly into a scowl at the mere mention of the caretaker.

lit by a single oil lamp dangling from the low ceiling.

"No wonder he has such poor eyesight." said Madam Pomfrey, who was now placing slight pressure on Harry's stomach, feeling for something not even she was aware of. Harry, while still asleep, he swatted her hands away. Madam Pomfrey smiled warmly.

A faint smell of fried fish lingered about the place.

"Big surprise, Mrs. Norris is a cat." said Zacharias rolling his eyes.

Wooden filing cabinets stood around the walls; from their labels, Harry could see that they contained details of every pupil Filch had ever punished.

"No wonder there were so many of them." said Sirius.

Fred and George Weasley had an entire drawer to themselves.

"Top that!" shouted Fred and George together.

"We had two filing cabinets dedicated in our honor." said Remus with a smirk.

"Top that." mimicked Sirius with a wicked smile.

A highly polished collection of chains and manacles hung on the wall behind Filch's desk.

"There aren't anything like that in his office, not anymore" said Dumbledore grimly. "I saw to that personally."

It was common knowledge that he was always begging Dumbledore to let him suspend students by their ankles from the ceiling.

"And every single time, I told him that he couldn't. The last time he asked me that, it was this year, I told him that if did that, I would suspend him from the top of the Great Hall and blast the chains hanging above him." said Dumbledore viciously.

Filch grabbed a quill from a pot on his desk and began shuffling around looking for parchment.

"Dung," he muttered furiously,

"He's lost his mind, hasn't he?" asked a seventh year Slytherin .

"great sizzling dragon bogies… frog brains… rat intestines… I've had enough of it…

"So, he's sick and tired of his job?" said Tonks slowly. "Find another job, moron."

make an example… where's the form… yes…"

"He'd better not make an example of my cub, I'll make an example of him first." growled Sirius.

He retrieved a large roll of parchment from his desk drawer and stretched it out in front of him, dipping his long black quill

Fred and George rubbed the back of their hands absent-mindedly.

"What's up with you two?" asked Charlie.

"Nothing." they both said quickly.

"What's that on the back of your hand?" asked Bill quickly seizing Fred's hand. Bill looked at the marks on the back of his brother's hand. "What the hell is this?"

"Her work." said George sending a look up to Umbridge quickly.

"Harry has one too." said Fred quickly.

Madam Pomfrey, Sirius and Remus lifted Harry's hand and inspected it thoroughly, they noticed a thin piece of pseudo-skin attached to his hand, like a glove, when they removed it Sirius and Remus gasped loudly. Dr. Clark read the words out loud, the words etched into Harry's skin, which was a light red.

"I must not tell lies?" said Dr. Clark staring at the words in horror. "Who makes a child right that into their own hand?" Tears began to fall down his face.

"That is where the torture charge came from." said Lionus calmly.

"Is there any way to remove this? Is this why he's sleeping at the drop of a hat?" said Remus quickly.

"That is not the reason, we believe it is something else." said Dr. Nicodemus. "And there is nothing we can do to remove it. We must allow it to heal on its own."

Dumbledore sent a fierce glare up to the chair in which Umbridge was restrained. Tempest and Nightstrike took several steps back and flinched visibly.

"You need to patent that look, sir." said Nightstrike with a small smile. "We could use that look."

into the ink pot.

"Name… Harry Potter. Crime…"

"It was only a small bit of mud!" said Sirius incredulously as he noticed that Tonks was continuing on with the readings.

"To him, a dot of ink on the floor is like flooding the room with paint." said Fred rolling his eyes, and trying to wrench his hand away from his oldest brother.

"It was only a bit of mud!" said Harry.

"It's only a bit of mud to you, boy, but to me it's an extra hour scrubbing!" shouted Filch,

"Oh, please, you get mop and drag it about! How hard is that?" said Dr. Clark exasperatedly. "And if he had the flu, he could have gotten help!"

"Some house-elves were assigned to help him, but he seems to neglect to utilize them." said McGonagall.

a drip shivering unpleasantly at the end of his bulbous nose.

"One of the times, it must really suck, being so observant." cringed Neville.

"Crime… befouling the castle…

"I would have laughed him right out of my office if I had asked what Harry 'befouled'." said Dumbledore and McGonagall.

suggested sentence…"

"It would have been nothing. But knowing him, it would have been something terrible." said McGonagall.

Dabbing at his streaming nose, Filch squinted unpleasantly at Harry who waited with bated breath for his sentence to fall.

"I think we cured him of his torture-happy tendencies." said Tempest smugly.

"If you were the one in charge of him, I think you did take away that little hobby." said Lionus with a laugh.

But as Filch lowered his quill, there was a great BANG! on the ceiling of the office, which made the oil lamp rattle.

"PEEVES!" Filch roared, flinging down his quill in a transport of rage. "I'll have you this time, I'll have you!"

"Hey! We could have done it!" said George indignantly.

"But we were still trudging up to the castle." said Fred calmly.

"Yeah, but still…" said George.

And without a backward glance at Harry, Filch ran flat-footed from the office, Mrs. Norris streaking alongside him.

"Oh, they left! Get out of there!" said Sirius eagerly.

"I think he's going to stay." said Dr. Clark with a smirk.

"Potter wouldn't stick around to get a punishment." sneered Snape.

"Yeah, no kid does that." said Remus rolling his eyes.

Peeves was the school poltergeist, a grinning, airborne menace who lived to cause havoc and distress.

"Distress? Nah, he's a load of laughs." said Dr. Clark with a bright smile.

Harry didn't much like Peeves, but couldn't help feeling grateful for his timing.

"See! He's going to bolt!" said Sirius.

"I'll bet you ten pounds he doesn't." said Dr. Clark wickedly.

"I don't have ten pounds on me, but I've got some wizard money. I'll bet you ten galleons that he runs for it. He James' son after all, we've run away from his office time after time." said Sirius taking out ten pieces of gold.

Hopefully, whatever Peeves had done (and it sounded as though he'd wrecked something very big this time) would distract Filch from Harry.

"I told you he's going to run!" said Remus with a small smile.

"Don't count your chick…dragon's before they're hatched." said Dr. Clark. Dumbledore smiled broadly.

"Nice blend, I think you'll fit right in." said Dumbledore happily.

Thinking that he should probably wait for Filch to come back,

"What?" said Remus slowly.

Harry sank into a moth-eaten chair next to the desk.

Sirius and Remus stared, Snape blinked.

"Ha! I told you he'd stick around!" said Dr. Clark. "I'll take my wizard money now." said Dr. Clark holding out his hand.

"I want to know what made Harry still sit in that room." said Remus thoughtfully.

"I learned a long time ago, that if I ran away from a punishment, that it would only get worse for me." said a groggy voice from the men's laps.

All eyes turned towards Harry who was trying to sit up. "You have a nice nap?" asked Sirius jovially.

"I didn't know that I did." said Harry honestly. "Till I woke up."

"You okay, cub?" asked Remus concernedly.

"A little sleepy, and feeling a bit worn, but nothing more than that." said Harry sitting up fully and stretching his arms.

"So though you slept for at least," Dumbledore checked his watch quickly. "forty-five minutes and yet, you didn't gain any rest from it?"

"Guess not." said Harry leaning heavily against Remus again. "So what did I miss?"

Remus looked down at Harry with a worried expression, but put on a brave face. "We've got you in Filch's office."

"Oh, for the mud?" said Harry thinking hard.

"Yeah, why didn't you leave?" said Sirius crossing his arms after he gave ten pieces of gold to Dr. Clark.

"I just told you, running away only makes the punishment worse, best to just lay there and take it." said Harry covering himself up again with the blanket. He didn't notice the pained and pitiful looks he received. Or the growls that came from the four men in and around the bowl.

Tonks cleared her throat and did her best to continue on.

There was only one thing on it apart from his half-completed form: a large, glossy, purple envelope with silver lettering on the front.

"If it was a black glossy envelope, don't open it." said Sirius warningly.

"Why?" asked Neville.

"Harry isn't old enough for those. Those are some explicit letters." said Sirius with a broad grin.

"I've read one before, every time I think about it, my blood pressure goes up." said Remus breathing deep. "I could have killed you for leaving that damned thing out." he finished smacking Sirius with a pillow.

"Hey! You chose to read it!" said Sirius defending himself. "Besides, James got a kick out of it!"

"Yeah, and he got slapped by Lily when he told her all about it." said Remus still beating the scraggly haired man.

Tonks had to stop laughing before she could start reading again.

With a quick glance at the door to check that Filch wasn't on his way back, Harry picked up the envelope and read:

"You read someone else's mail?" said Dumbledore looking over to Harry with wide, twinkling eyes.

Harry smiled guiltily. "Sorry. I was…curious."

"That seems to be another one of your default settings." said Dumbledore with a bright smile.

Kwikspell

A Correspondence Course in Beginners' Magic.

"I had a great-uncle use that thing, he didn't learn a darn thing." said Neville shaking his head.

"It doesn't work?" asked Harry.

"Not at all, just one big scam." said Neville.

Intrigued,

"Seriously? Why?" asked a fourth year Hufflepuff.

"I don't know really." said Harry shrugging. "I had just never heard of this sort of thing in the wizarding world. Magical learning is very important and can be very dangerous. I didn't think someone could just learn this stuff in the mail."

"Very true and very wise thinking, there is no possible way to learn magic in that fashion." said Dumbledore with a large grin.

Harry flicked the envelope open and pulled out the sheaf of parchment inside. More curly silver writing on the front page said:

Feel out of step in the world of modern magic?

"Try these new dance steps!" said Fred jokingly, as George tried to do a flamenco step.

Find yourself making excuses not to perform simple spells? Ever been taunted for your woeful wandwork?

"Woeful wandwork?" said Bathilda slowly. "Who came up with that?"

"Someone who has doesn't have any writing skills I should think." said McGonagall.

"They should get some tips from Harry's mind." said Dennis brightly.

There is an answer!

"I'll just bet." said Rivers with slight distaste.

Kwikspell is an all-new, fail-safe, quick-result, easy-learn course.

"My Great-Uncle would disagree with that." said Neville.

"Is it your Great-Uncle Algie?" asked Luna dreamily.

"Nah, this was my Great-Uncle Addelton, he's worse than I am." said Neville with a smile.

"Was, Mr. Longbottom, was." said Professor McGonagall with a small smile.

Hundreds of witches and wizards have benefited from the Kwikspell method!

"I haven't heard of anyone learning from anything remotely like Kwikspell." said Rivers growling even louder.

"What's got him so upset?" whispered Ron.

"Well, he one of the heads of Magical Education. He takes learning seriously." said Hermione whispered back.

Madam Z. Nettles of Topsham writes:

"I had no memory for incantations and my potions were a family joke! Now, after a Kwikspell course, I am the center of attention at parties and friends beg for the recipe of my Scintillation Solution!"

"I have an Auntie Zelda that lives in Topsham. But, she's always been really good at magic and potions."

"If it's the Zelda Nettles I think it is, you're right, she was an excellent student." said Dumbledore.

Warlock D. J. Prod of Didsbury says:

"My wife used to sneer at my feeble charms, but one month into your fabulous Kwikspell course and I succeeded in turning her into a yak! Thank you, Kwikspell!"

"I did know Donovan Prod." said Professor Flitwick, "and he did turn his wife into a yak once. But, this was over seventy years ago, and that happened on accident."

Fascinated, Harry thumbed through the rest of the envelope's contents. Why on earth did Filch want a Kwikspell course? Did this mean he wasn't a proper wizard?

The entire student body, and including several different teachers turned and stared at Harry.

"Really? You didn't know that little fact?" said Fred slowly.

"I…I just thought you guys were just being mean." said Harry embarrassedly.

Harry was just reading Lesson One: Holding Your Wand (Some Useful Tips)

"Was there any helpful hints?" asked Hermione, remembering what Harry had said about the levitation spell.

"I experimented with the ones I had time to read, they weren't worth cra…the paper they were written on." said Harry looking quickly over to Remus.

when shuffling footsteps outside told him Filch was coming back.

"Put it back! Put it back!" yelled Fred and George together.

Stuffing the parchment back into the envelope, Harry threw it back onto the desk just as the door opened.

"Ooh!" groaned Remus, Sirius, Fred and George.

"You didn't put it back in the right spot, very sloppy." said Sirius shaking his head.

"I wasn't sure what he would do. I had an Uncle Vernon flashback." said Harry quietly.

"An Uncle Vernon flashback? What are those?" asked Remus quickly.

Harry turned and looked away quickly.

"Don't make me use veritiserum, I'll steal some if I have to." said Sirius shortly.

Harry was silent for a moment, until Dumbledore coughed loudly. Harry sighed uneasily.

"Sometimes, when I know I'm doing something wrong, I start hearing Uncle Vernon's footprints, his breathing and then his voice. I start freaking out. Three times I've almost gotten caught while working at night." said Harry quietly.

Remus stared at Harry and then at the other two men in the bowl with them.

"You don't need to worry cub, you won't be hearing him anymore." said Sirius soothingly.

"THIS PROVES HE'S INSANE!" shouted Fudge. "HEARING VOICES! FIRST HOMICIDAL VOICES AND NOW THIS!"

"He's not crazy!" screeched Madam Bones. "The poor thing has been abused so badly that he cannot even feel that being in a magical castle is enough to get away from his monster of an uncle!"

Dumbledore looked away, the twinkling gone from his eyes, now only held a large abundance of tears, and rapidly, they fell down his crooked nose.

Filch was looking triumphant.

"That's not a very good thing, run when he looks happy." said George wisely.

"That vanishing cabinet was extremely valuable!" he was saying gleefully to Mrs. Norris.

"Vanishing cabinet? There was a Vanishing Cabinet here?" said Kingsley shocked. "Where was the corresponding one kept?"

"That was in my house." said Dumbledore calmly. "However it was stolen from there many, many years ago."

"There was something stolen from your house?" said Anthony stunned.

"I am hardly home, I am only at my place of residence during the summer break, and even that is only for a night or two." said Dumbledore with a smile. "I didn't notice that it had been stolen until at least a month or two after the fact."

"So you put the matching one out and about, so students can wander about in it? And end up Merlin knows where?" asked Remus quickly.

"I placed an extremely powerful spell on the cabinet, no student could break it." said Dumbledore reassuringly.

"We'll have Peeves out this time, my sweet —"

"He's always had it out for Peeves, nothing anyone can do can change that." said McGonagall.

His eyes fell on Harry and then darted to the Kwikspell envelope, which, Harry realized too late, was lying two feet away from where it had started.

"I could have kicked myself." said Harry.

Filch's pasty face went brick red. Harry braced himself for a tidal wave of fury.

Harry rubbed his back without even thinking. Sirius noticed this and took ahold of his godson's hand.

"Don't think about it. Just let it go." said Sirius in Harry's ear.

Filch hobbled across to his desk, snatched up the envelope, and threw it into a drawer.

"Have you — did you read —?" he sputtered.

"No," Harry lied quickly.

"Pathetic, learn to lie to him at least." said Sirius shaking his head.

"I agree with him on this, I don't want him hurting you again." said Remus giving Harry's shoulder a small squeeze.

Filch's knobbly hands were twisting together.

"Someone's gotta go potty!" sang Lee.

"If I thought you'd read my private —not that it's mine — for a friend — be that as it may — however —"

"Wow, no wonder he wanted revenge." mumbled Fred to George.

"I'll kill him myself, if I get the chance." said George. "Stupid reason to want revenge like that."

"Sort of explains why he accused Harry of turning his cat almost to stone." said Lee.

"Yeah, he did say something like that didn't he?" said Fred.

Harry was staring at him, alarmed;

People turned and stared at Tonks and the book she was reading from.

"Harry was alarmed?" said a fourth year Slytherin.

"But…But Harry's not scared of anything!"

Filch had never looked madder. His eyes were popping, a tic was going in one of his pouchy cheeks, and the tartan scarf didn't help.

"Wow, we've never pissed him off that much." said George.

"Very well — go — and don't breathe a word — not that — however, if you didn't read — go now, I have to write up Peeves' report — go —"

"As mad as you got him, he let you go?" said Remus slowly.

"I'm mad now." pouted Sirius.

Amazed at his luck, Harry sped out of the office, up the corridor, and back upstairs.

"I didn't want to give him the opportunity to change his mind." said Harry.

To escape from Filch's office without punishment was probably some kind of school record.

"It is." said Sirius grudgingly.

"You don't have my big, green, innocent eyes. You look like a trouble maker." said Harry playfully.

"Don't push your luck." said Sirius giving Harry a small shove.

"Harry! Harry! Did it work?"

"Peeves helped you?" said Remus stunned.

Nearly Headless Nick came gliding out of a classroom. Behind him, Harry could see the wreckage of a large black-and-gold cabinet that appeared to have been dropped from a great height.

"Nick rules!" said Gryffindors, young and old in the room.

"I persuaded Peeves to crash it right over Filch's office," said Nick eagerly.

"I'll bet that didn't take much persuasion." said Ernie with a laugh.

"It never does." said Fred eagerly.

"Thought it might distract him —"

"It worked." said Harry with a bright smile.

"Was that you?" said Harry gratefully. "Yeah, it worked, I didn't even get detention. Thanks, Nick!"

They set off up the corridor together. Nearly Headless Nick, Harry noticed, was still holding Sir Patrick's rejection letter…

"Why do you look for people with problems and try and fix them." said Tonks looking over to Harry.

"He did me a very big favor." said Harry.

"I wish there was something I could do for you about the Headless Hunt," Harry said. Nearly Headless Nick stopped in his tracks and Harry walked right through him.

"That sucks." said Fred.

He wished he hadn't; it was like stepping through an icy shower.

"I've had a cold shower, they are really unpleasant, especially if it's cold outside." said Dr. Clark.

"That's what it felt like." said Harry with a smile.

"But there is something you could do for me," said Nick excitedly. "Harry — would I be asking too much — but no, you wouldn't want —"

"I wish people would just spit out what they want." said Harry rolling his eyes.

"What is it?" said Harry.

"Well, this Halloween will be my five hundredth deathday," said Nearly Headless Nick, drawing himself up and looking dignified.

"A momentous occasion." said Dumbledore brightly.

"Indeed, but what does one get for someone's deathday?" said McGonagall inquisitively.

"Oh," said Harry, not sure whether he should look sorry or happy about this. "Right."

"My opinion still stands. He's too flexible for a child." said Flitwick.

"I'm holding a party down in one of the roomier dungeons. Friends will be coming from all over the country.

"That explains why it got so cold in the castle that night." said Katie.

It would be such an honor if you would attend. Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger would be most welcome, too, of course —

"He was always so polite." said McGonagall. "Even in life he was famous for it."

but I daresay you'd rather go to the school feast?" He watched Harry on tenterhooks.

"No," said Harry quickly, "I'll come —"

"You're giving up a Halloween feast, for something that's not even going to have food or anything fun for living people to do?" asked Remus stunned.

"Yeah, sort of." said Harry with a smile.

"My dear boy! Harry Potter, at my deathday party! And —" he hesitated, looking excited "— do you think you could possibly mention to Sir Patrick how very frightening and impressive you find me?"

"Harry Potter goes right up and leaps onto the back of a troll, doesn't back down from a bucking broomstick over fifty feet in the air," said George ticking off the first year's events.

"Doesn't scream and run away from a mysterious, dark being in the forest, and rushes to fight a dark wizard, but is terrified from a ghost wearing tights and a ruffed collar?" said Fred with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah right." said Fred and George rolling their eyes.

"Of — of course," said Harry.

"Come on, Harry! No one would believe you afraid of a ghost, besides, they can't hurt anybody!" said Lee slapping a hand to his forehead.

Nearly Headless Nick beamed at him.

Several Gryffindors of the past blinked.

"Nick beamed at you? He's always so…somber." said Remus, trying hard to not instigate Sirius's favorite joke. However, Sirius noticed this, and crossed his arms.

"I don't use that joke all the time." pouted Sirius.

"Yes, you do." said a collective group of adult voices.

"Do not!" Sirius retorted. "I could have used it a bunch of times, but I didn't!"

"A deathday party?" said Hermione keenly when Harry had changed at last and joined her and Ron in the common room.

"I had to almost bury him in blankets when he came down from his dormitory." said Hermione. "He was shivering."

"I bet there aren't many living people who can say they've been to one of those — it'll be fascinating!"

"Deathday party, not deathday study." said Fred with a teasing smile.

"Why would anyone want to celebrate the day they died?" said Ron, who was halfway through his Potions homework and grumpy.

"He's always grumpy when he has homework to do." said Harry and Hermione together.

"Sounds dead depressing to me…"

"Nice pun." said Dr. Clark with a laugh.

Rain was still lashing the windows, which were now inky black, but inside all looked bright and cheerful. The firelight glowed over the countless squashy armchairs where people sat reading, talking, doing homework

"Wow, makes me want to go back upstairs and just relax in the common room, don't it?" said Charlie wistfully.

or, in the case of Fred and George Weasley, trying to find out what would happen if you fed a Filibuster firework to a salamander.

"You didn't!" said Charlie angrily.

"It was a Fire Salamander!" said George defensively.

"Oh, well, alright." said Charlie apologetically.

"Really? You gave up that easily?" said Bill slowly.

"Fire salamanders actually really like those things. We found that out about four years ago." said Charlie with a small smile.

Fred had "rescued" the brilliant orange, fire-dwelling lizard from a Care of Magical Creatures class

"'Rescue' my foot." said McGonagall tartly, though she had a small smile on her lips.

and it was now smoldering gently on a table surrounded by a knot of curious people.

Harry was at the point of telling Ron and Hermione about Filch and the Kwikspell course when the salamander suddenly whizzed into the air,

"I took that as a sign." said Harry with a bright smile.

"What do you mean?" asked Colin.

"I almost went back on my word not to tell about it." said Harry.

"You didn't promise, he make you." said Sirius with a grin.

emitting loud sparks and bangs as it whirled wildly round the room.

"They enjoy those things?" said Hermione.

"They actually do. When ours was stupid enough to eat one, it whizzed around the place, landed outside and came crawling back in to eat another one. It did it till the box was empty." said Charlie with a bright smile. "I think it's the powder inside, it's like sugar to them."

The sight of Percy bellowing himself hoarse at Fred and George, the spectacular display of tangerine stars showering from the salamander's mouth, and its escape into the fire, with accompanying explosions,

"Didn't sound like it enjoyed it." said Tonks with a laugh.

"It came back out and ate one more after everyone else went to bed." said Harry. "I couldn't sleep that night."

"Why not?" said Sirius quickly.

"Something was worrying me. And I couldn't put my finger on why I was restless." said Harry.

drove both Filch and the Kwikspell envelope from Harry's mind.

"It was really mind-blowing." said Harry with a fond smile. "I love fireworks."

By the time Halloween arrived, Harry was regretting his rash promise to go to the deathday party.

"Why would you?" asked Percy.

The rest of the school was happily anticipating their Halloween feast; the Great Hall had been decorated with the usual live bats, Hagrid's vast pumpkins had been carved into lanterns large enough for three men to sit in,

Dr. Clark whistled excitedly.

and there were rumors that Dumbledore had booked a troupe of dancing skeletons for the entertainment.

"Wasn't rumors, there really were skeletons there." said Fred.

"A promise is a promise," Hermione reminded Harry bossily. "You said you'd go to the Deathday party."

"I was not bossy!" said Hermione angrily.

"Yeah, but I never said I wasn't going! I said I was starting to regret promising to go to the party." said Harry.

So at seven o'clock, Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked straight past the doorway to the packed Great Hall, which was glittering invitingly with gold plates and candles, and directed their steps instead toward the dungeons.

"Why didn't you stop in for a quick bite, and be fashionably late for the party." said Sirius quickly.

Harry and Ron looked pointedly at Hermione, who blushed and shuffled her feet.

"We were already, sort of late. Party started at five-thirty." said Harry.

"Hermione couldn't get her hair to sit right. We kept telling her she looked fine, but did she believe us? NO!" said Ron shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

The passageway leading to Nearly Headless Nick's party had been lined with candles, too, though the effect was far from cheerful: These were long, thin, jet-black tapers, all burning bright blue, casting a dim, ghostly light even over their own living faces.

"That's creepy, perfect for dead people, I guess." said Justin.

The temperature dropped with every step they took. As Harry shivered and drew his robes tightly around him,

Sirius did he best to slyly tuck the blanket in around Harry. Harry watched with amusement as Sirius, (who was staring ahead), tried to tuck the blanket behind Remus, who was wondering why a blanket was getting shoved behind him.

he heard what sounded like a thousand fingernails scraping an enormous blackboard.

"Sets my teeth on fire just thinking about it." said Remus cringing horribly and covering his ears.

"Is that supposed to be music?" Ron whispered. They turned a corner and saw Nearly Headless Nick standing at a doorway hung with black velvet drapes.

"My dear friends," he said mournfully. "Welcome, welcome… so pleased you could come…"

"How can you be pleased and mournful at the same time?" asked Hannah to Susan.

He swept off his plumed hat and bowed them inside.

It was an incredible sight. The dungeon was full of hundreds of pearly-white, translucent people, mostly drifting around a crowded dance floor, waltzing to the dreadful, quavering sound of thirty musical saws, played by an orchestra on a raised, black-draped platform.

"Did you hear any songs you could recognize?" asked Ginny with a slight smile. The school sat up quickly, eager to hear Harry sing again.

"I heard 'Danny Boy' and some other funeral dirges I didn't know. Or at least I thought they were funeral dirges." said Harry.

"Yeah, it's kinda hard to tell when it's being played on musical saws." said Hermione.

"I don't want to be forced to learn how to play those things." said Ron. "What if it were to slip the wrong way."

"I don't want to think about it." said Sirius leaning forward quickly.

A chandelier overhead blazed midnight-blue with a thousand more black candles. Their breath rose in a mist before them; it was like stepping into a freezer.

"I was freezing, and I had about four layers on." said Harry.

"Shall we have a look around?" Harry suggested, wanting to warm up his feet.

"Explains why you were hopping around." said Ron with a smile.

"Careful not to walk through anyone," said Ron nervously, and they set off around the edge of the dance floor.

"Don't have to tell me twice." said Harry and Hermione.

They passed a group of gloomy nuns,

"Oh! Those are the Halleluiah Sisters, they haunt Westminster Abbey. They love to sing for people who come into the church at midnight." said Professor Sprout. "Though, that does tend to send them away screaming when they can't see anyone there to sing."

a ragged man wearing chains,

"Hmm, I do believe that is the Prisoner of the Tower of London. I'm amazed that Sir Nicholas invited him." said Dumbledore. "He was a serial killer."

"I didn't need to hear that." said Remus and Dr. Clark together.

"How can you tell what ghost they are, it's just a one sentence description." said Colin.

"We have met quite a few ghosts in our time." said Dumbledore with a smile.

and the Fat Friar, a cheerful Hufflepuff ghost, who was talking to a knight with an arrow sticking out of his forehead.

"Sir Langdon. A most unfortunate knight. He was granted knighthood after he was killed in his first battle. He took that arrow for his king." said Professor Flitwick.

Harry wasn't surprised to see that the Bloody Baron, a gaunt, staring Slytherin ghost covered in silver bloodstains, was being given a wide berth by the other ghosts.

"Who wouldn't." said Draco quietly.

"Oh, no," said Hermione, stopping abruptly. "Turn back, turn back, I don't want to talk to Moaning Myrtle —"

"Who?" asked Dennis.

"She haunts a bathroom in the school." said Hermione.

"She'd like to haunt something else." said Ron with a wicked grin. But stopped his smiling when Hermione slammed an elbow into his side.

"Who?" said Harry as they backtracked quickly.

"You've got the boys trained pretty well, don't you?" said Madam Bones with a broad smile.

"Of course. JUMP!" shouted Hermione.

"How high!" said both of the boys, going along with the gag. The students and guests laughed loudly.

"She haunts one of the toilets in the girls' bathroom on the first floor," said Hermione.

"She haunts a toilet?"

"Hope that doesn't happen to me when I pass away." said a small first year Slytherin boy.

"Yes. It's been out-of-order all year because she keeps having tantrums and flooding the place.

"It was her fifty year anniversary." whispered Hermione to Ron.

I never went in there anyway if I could avoid it; it's awful trying to have a pee with her wailing at you —"

Hermione blushed heavily.

"You told boys that kind of stuff?" said Tonks nearly dropping the book.

"They're so easy to talk to. Harry even tries to get "girl talk" out of my system when I can't talk to Ginny, Luna or some other girl." said Hermione quietly.

"How does that go?" asked Sirius laughing like mad.

"It's harder than it looks." said Harry.

"Look, food!" said Ron.

"He's got a radar for food, nothing else registers." said Ginny shaking her head.

"Just like all the other Weasley men, dear." said Mrs. Weasley with a smile.

On the other side of the dungeon was a long table, also covered in black velvet. They approached it eagerly but next moment had stopped in their tracks, horrified.

"Harry was more horrified than Ron was. I was shocked." said Hermione with a laugh.

"What was wrong?" said Remus.

Tonks read ahead quickly and gave a laugh. "Oh, in Harry's case, it was mortifying."

The smell was quite disgusting.

"What is it?" asked Sirius worriedly.

"The worse thing I had ever seen." said Harry shaking his head, his eyes weren't as playful and full of light as they were earlier.

Large, rotten fish were laid on handsome silver platters;

Harry flinched horribly.

cakes, burned charcoal-black, were heaped on salvers;

Then he whimpered.

there was a great maggoty haggis,

Then he whined.

a slab of cheese covered in furry green mold

Then Harry moaned loudly.

and, in pride of place, an enormous gray cake in the shape of a tombstone, with tar-like icing forming the words,

SIR NICHOLAS DE MIMSY-PORPINGTON

DIED 31ST OCTOBER, 1492

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, JUST SKIP OVER THE REST!" cried Harry, covering his head with the blanket.

"We can't skip over it, and you're having conniptions over food?" said Sirius wonderingly.

"Harry hates wasting food, he's never thrown anything away." said Ron and Dr. Clark.

Harry watched, amazed, as a portly ghost approached the table, crouched low, and walked through it, his mouth held wide so that it passed through one of the stinking salmon.

"Harry, quit cringing. You're almost falling out of the bowl." said Sirius pulling Harry back onto the cushions and Remus's side.

"Can you taste it if you walk though it?" Harry asked him.

"I didn't want to hear him say that he liked it." said Harry turning pale.

"Almost," said the ghost sadly, and he drifted away.

"I expect they've let it rot to give it a stronger flavor," said Hermione knowledgeably,

"I didn't want to hear that either." said Harry.

pinching her nose and leaning closer to look at the putrid haggis.

"Why would you lean forward to look at it?" said Dumbledore looking over to Hermione in shock.

"I don't even know why I did it." said Hermione.

"Can we move? I feel sick," said Ron.

"All three of us looked a little green." said Harry recovering.

They had barely turned around, however, when a little man swooped suddenly from under the table and came to a halt in midair before them.

"Hello, Peeves," said Harry cautiously.

"I'm amazed that Nicholas invited him." said Professor McGonagall.

Unlike the ghosts around them, Peeves the Poltergeist was the very reverse of pale and transparent. He was wearing a bright orange party hat, a revolving bow tie, and a broad grin on his wide, wicked face.

"Ever get the feeling he invited himself?" said Fred.

"Nibbles?" he said sweetly, offering them a bowl of peanuts covered in fungus.

"Harry rushed over to the corner and almost got sick." said Hermione.

"No thanks," said Hermione.

"Heard you talking about poor Myrtle," said Peeves, his eyes dancing. "Rude you was about poor Myrtle."

"You were actually." said Luna dreamily. "But then again, she's used to it, she likes the dramatics."

He took a deep breath and bellowed, "OY! MYRTLE!"

"Oh, he's a real lady killer." said Dr. Clark with a smirk.

"Oh, no, Peeves, don't tell her what I said, she'll be really upset," Hermione whispered frantically. "I didn't mean it, I don't mind her — er, hello, Myrtle."

"Don't you hate doing that at a party?" said Lavender.

"Yeah, but at least we get along with everybody." said Parvati happily.

"Sure you do." said Harry rolling his eyes.

The squat ghost of a girl had glided over. She had the glummest face Harry had ever seen, half-hidden behind lank hair and thick, pearly spectacles.

"What?" she said sulkily.

"How are you, Myrtle?" said Hermione in a falsely bright voice. "It's nice to see you out of the toilet."

Sirius snorted. "Makes her sound like she has a problem."

"PADFOOT!" shouted Remus.

Myrtle sniffed.

"Miss Granger was just talking about you —" said Peeves slyly in Myrtle's ear. "Just saying —"

"Just saying — saying — how nice you look tonight," said Hermione, glaring at Peeves.

"Bet she didn't believe that for one minute." said Lee with a smirk.

Myrtle eyed Hermione suspiciously.

"You're making fun of me," she said, silver tears welling rapidly in her small, see-through eyes.

"You could be completely serious, and she would still think your making fun of her." said Padma.

"No — honestly — didn't I just say how nice Myrtle's looking?" said Hermione, nudging Harry and Ron painfully in the ribs.

"We didn't need the motivation, we knew where you were going with this." said Harry and Ron together.

"Oh, yeah —"

"She did —"

"Don't lie to me," Myrtle gasped, tears now flooding down her face, while Peeves chuckled happily over her shoulder. "D'you think I don't know what people call me behind my back? Fat Myrtle! Ugly Myrtle! Miserable, moaning, moping Myrtle!"

"She needs a self-esteem boost." said Remus with a raised brow.

"You've forgotten pimply," Peeves hissed in her ear.

Moaning Myrtle burst into anguished sobs and fled from the dungeon. Peeves shot after her, pelting her with moldy peanuts, yelling, "Pimply! Pimply!"

"Okay, now he went a bit too far." said Dr. Clark his smile fading slightly.

"Oh, dear," said Hermione sadly.

Nearly Headless Nick now drifted toward them through the crowd.

"Enjoying yourselves?"

"Oh, yes," they lied.

"Poor kids." said Moody with a smile.

"Not a bad turnout," said Nearly Headless Nick proudly. "The Wailing Widow came all the way up from Kent…

"She was 'singing' at that point." said Ron with a laugh.

It's nearly time for my speech, I'd better go and warn the orchestra…"

"Warn is a good word for it, he has really boring speeches. Just like Percy." said Fred.

The orchestra, however, stopped playing at that very moment. They, and everyone else in the dungeon, fell silent, looking around in excitement,

"Wow, someone was excited to hear Nick talk?" said Charlie.

as a hunting horn sounded.

"Oh, alright, now it makes a little bit more sense." said Bill

"Oh, here we go," said Nearly Headless Nick bitterly.

"Well, whatever it is, Nick didn't plan it." said Kingsley.

Through the dungeon wall burst a dozen ghost horses, each ridden by a headless horseman. The assembly clapped wildly; Harry started to clap, too, but stopped quickly at the sight of Nick's face.

"I didn't know what was going on, but the moment I saw Nick's scowl, I stopped pretty quick." said Harry.

The horses galloped into the middle of the dance floor and halted, rearing and plunging. At the front of the pack was a large ghost who held his bearded head under his arm, from which position he was blowing the horn.

"That was actually quite disturbing to watch." said Hermione.

The ghost leapt down, lifted his head high in the air so he could see over the crowd (everyone laughed), and strode over to Nearly Headless Nick, squashing his head back onto his neck.

"Gross!" said several students.

"Nick!" he roared. "How are you? Head still hanging in there?"

He gave a hearty guffaw and clapped Nearly Headless Nick on the shoulder.

"What a jerk." said Tonks angrily.

"Welcome, Patrick," said Nick stiffly.

"Live 'uns!" said Sir Patrick, spotting Harry, Ron, and Hermione and giving a huge, fake jump of astonishment, so that his head fell off again (the crowd howled with laughter).

"Hermione just about jumped into both of our arms." said Ron.

"Very amusing," said Nearly Headless Nick darkly.

"Don't mind Nick!" shouted Sir Patrick's head from the floor. "Still upset we won't let him join the Hunt! But I mean to say — look at the fellow —"

"Oh, he's a real charmer." said a third year Gryffindor girl a frown on her face.

"I think," said Harry hurriedly, at a meaningful look from Nick, "Nick's very — frightening and — er —"

Some people giggled at that.

"No one would buy that." said Lionus with a laugh.

"Ha!" yelled Sir Patrick's head.

"Bet he asked you to say that!"

"Well, he's not a complete idiot." said Dr. Nicodemus.

"If I could have everyone's attention, it's time for my speech!" said Nearly Headless Nick loudly, striding toward the podium and climbing into an icy blue spotlight.

"My late lamented lords, ladies, and gentlemen, it is my great sorrow…"

"What a happy party." said Hannah.

But nobody heard much more. Sir Patrick and the rest of the Headless Hunt had just started a game of Head Hockey and the crowd were turning to watch.

"I'd've chucked him out." said Susan.

Nearly Headless Nick tried vainly to recapture his audience, but gave up as Sir Patrick's head went sailing past him to loud cheers.

"He was pissed off." said Harry with a small smile. "Couldn't help but feel sorry for him."

Harry was very cold by now, not to mention hungry.

"I can't stand much more of this," Ron muttered, his teeth chattering, as the orchestra ground back into action and the ghosts swept back onto the dance floor.

"It was getting to be a bit much, anymore and Harry would catch his death of cold." said Hermione.

"Why focus on me? Both you and Ron were there too." said Harry.

"We weren't shaking nearly as bad." said Ron.

"Let's go," Harry agreed.

They backed toward the door, nodding and beaming at anyone who looked at them, and a minute later were hurrying back up the passageway full of black candles.

"Pudding might not be finished yet," said Ron hopefully, leading the way toward the steps to the entrance hall.

"That's right, keep a happy thought." said Sirius with a smile.

And then Harry heard it.

"… rip… tear… kill…"

The smile was ripped off of Sirius' face and was replaced with a gasp of horror.

"Oh, no." muttered several people in hushed whispers.

"Wherever it is, keep away from it!" shouted Remus fearfully.

It was the same voice, the same cold, murderous voice he had heard in Lockhart's office.

Harry was dragged from his laying position and was pulled onto Sirius' lap and the men scooted a little closer.

"What the…?" said Harry.

"You aren't moving." said all three of them in unison.

He stumbled to a halt, clutching at the stone wall, listening with all his might, looking around, squinting up and down the dimly lit passageway.

"We thought you were having a heart attack." said Ron. "You had your hand almost clutching your chest."

"You didn't hear it?" asked Dr. Clark wildly.

"No, we didn't hear anything?" said Hermione shakily.

"The voice was creepier than what you told us." said Ron.

"Harry, what're you —?"

"It's that voice again — shut up a minute —"

"… soo hungry… for so long…"

"Why would you wish to hear that?" said a small first year Gryffindor.

"Listen!" said Harry urgently, and Ron and Hermione froze, watching him.

"We thought you were going nuts on us." said Ron

"… kill… time to kill…"

Sirius went pale.

"You go near that voice or follow that voice, and I'm going say you can't go to Hogsmede on your date." said Remus.

"How in the hell is that fair? This already happened, I can't make choices now!" said Harry shortly.

"He has a point, Remus." said Dumbledore, his eyes fixed on the book.

The voice was growing fainter. Harry was sure it was moving away —

"Good, keep away from it." said Kingsley, "go tell a teacher."

moving upward.

"And being in the dungeons doesn't help much." said Mrs. Weasley fearfully.

A mixture of fear and excitement gripped him as he stared at the dark ceiling;

Slowly, Remus looked over to Harry, who was still in his lap.

"Adrenaline, that's all I'm saying." said Harry, crossing his arms.

how could it be moving upward? Was it a phantom, to whom stone ceilings didn't matter?

"Sound reasoning." said Professor Flitwick. "Where ghosts can't hurt people, but can become invisible. Phantoms can hurt people and they also can become invisible."

"But we would have heard it, if it was a ghost or phantom." said Hermione.

"I didn't know that you guys couldn't hear it." said Harry.

"Oh, right." said Hermione quickly.

"This way," he shouted, and he began to run, up the stairs, into the entrance hall. It was no good hoping to hear anything here, the babble of talk from the Halloween feast was echoing out of the Great Hall.

"It was heartbreaking going past the feast." said Ron sorrowfully.

Harry sprinted up the marble staircase to the first floor, Ron and Hermione clattering behind him.

"Far behind him." said Ron. "We were barely going up half-way, when he was off and running towards the next floor.

"Harry, what're we —"

"SHH!"

Harry strained his ears. Distantly, from the floor above, and growing fainter still, he heard the voice: "… I smell blood… I SMELL BLOOD!"

"It's killed someone already, hasn't it?" said Tonks faintly.

"No, it didn't." said Dumbledore, who knew what was going to happen next.

His stomach lurched —

Harry noticed Remus getting paler by the second and grasped his hand. "Relax, I'm just fine."

"It's going to kill someone!" he shouted, and ignoring Ron's and Hermione's bewildered faces,

"We were both ready to ship you to Madam Pomfrey, I think the rotten food had gotten to you real bad." said Ron.

he ran up the next flight of steps three at a time, trying to listen over his own pounding footsteps —

"Why do you think you have to save everyone." asked Sirius clutching Harry's free hand.

Harry hurtled around the whole of the second floor, Ron and Hermione panting behind him,

"What made us angry, was that he wasn't even breathing hard." said Ron shaking his head.

not stopping until they turned a corner into the last, deserted passage.

"Harry, what was that all about?" said Ron, wiping sweat off his face. "I couldn't hear anything…"

"Thanks for waiting for us at the end." said Ron.

But Hermione gave a sudden gasp, pointing down the corridor.

"Look!"

Something was shining on the wall ahead. They approached slowly,

"Harry hears a psycho voice, then something shiny appears and you walk towards it?" said Nightstrike stunned. "Kids are way too trusting these days."

squinting through the darkness. Foot-high words had been daubed on the wall between two windows, shimmering in the light cast by the flaming torches.

THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED.

ENEMIES OF THE HEIR, BEWARE.

Those who were fourth year and up and knew the story clamped their hands together and hugged one another. Those younger or who weren't there gave a loud gasp.

"That thing…is real…?" said Sirius stunned.

"But…it's only a legend…" said Remus.

"Um…it's the title of the book." reminded Harry.

"No one told us the title of the book!" said Remus shortly.

"Nice try, Skippy." said Harry tapping Remus' forehead. "Professor Flitwick said it, you all just ignored it."

"I'm going to call you 'Skippy' from now on." said Sirius trying hard to sound cheerful.

"Don't make me bite you." said Remus angrily. "This isn't funny!"

"Of course not, but you everyone gets out all right, well mostly all right." said Harry sending a fleeting glimpse over to Ginny who nodded.

"What's that thing — hanging underneath?" said Ron, a slight quiver in his voice.

As they edged nearer, Harry almost slipped —

there was a large puddle of water on the floor; Ron and Hermione grabbed him,

"Imagine my shock when I learned how light he really was." said Hermione.

"Explains why you kept piling food on my plate after that." said Harry.

and they inched toward the message, eyes fixed on a dark shadow beneath it. All three of them realized what it was at once, and leapt backward with a splash.

"What? What is it?" asked Remus quickly, hugging Harry tightly.

Mrs. Norris, the caretaker's cat, was hanging by her tail from the torch bracket. She was stiff as a board, her eyes wide and staring.

"If she's dead, how come she stalked me when I came back from the bathroom?" asked Sirius.

"She isn't dead." said Harry.

For a few seconds, they didn't move. Then Ron said, "Let's get out of here."

"Good idea, move it, go get a teacher." said Remus.

"Shouldn't we try and help —" Harry began awkwardly.

"Screw the self-help, go get a teacher." said Sirius. "That thing might still be around."

"I didn't need to hear that." said Dr. Clark.

"Trust me," said Ron. "We don't want to be found here."

"Listen to Ron." said Bill.

But it was too late. A rumble, as though of distant thunder, told them that the feast had just ended.

"So much for getting away without being seen."

"We didn't do anything wrong." said Harry.

"Won't stop Filch from accusing you of something." said Sirius.

From either end of the corridor where they stood came the sound of hundreds of feet climbing the stairs, and the loud, happy talk of well-fed people;

"Well don't you sound a bit bitter." said Fred teasingly.

next moment, students were crashing into the passage from both ends.

The chatter, the bustle, the noise died suddenly as the people in front spotted the hanging cat. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stood alone, in the middle of the corridor, as silence fell among the mass of students pressing forward to see the grisly sight.

"It was a bit too much to see you three and Mrs. Norris hanging like that." said George.

Then someone shouted through the quiet.

"Enemies of the Heir, beware! You'll be next, Mudbloods!"

Draco looked quickly up to Snape who was grinding his teeth.

"Sorry." said Draco quietly.

It was Draco Malfoy. He had pushed to the front of the crowd, his cold eyes alive, his usually bloodless face flushed, as he grinned at the sight of the hanging, immobile cat.

"Just as sadistic as his father." muttered Moody.

"Harry, where are you going?" said Remus as Harry got off of his lap and walked over to door slowly.

Sirius stood up and followed Harry. "You okay, cub? Cub?" he moved in front of Harry and gasped loudly.

"It's like he's in a trance! He's…oof" Sirius crashed into….the open door. There was nothing in his way, the door coming into the Great Hall was wide open, but for some reason, he couldn't leave.

"Stop, Harry!" said Sirius loudly, but he stared in wonder as Harry passed through the barrier that stopped him. Sirius extended a hand to catch hold of Harry's shoulder, but his hand was being pushed back by an invisible force. Suddenly the doors slammed shut behind Harry and the same force that kept Sirius from leaving sent him sprawling back to the bowl.

"What's going on?" asked Tonks loudly.

Suddenly, the same scroll that had appeared all those times before appeared once again, just like their very first experience, the room went black.