“Mh-hm…” Fluttershy dropped down, touching the ground. She inspected her fingers, the substance from the floor glistening in the light. “We're definitely going the right way.”

“Is that what I think it is?” Aria shuddered as her eyes went from the little pool of glistening fluid to the trail of it leading them deeper into the city. Based on the road they were on, their mark would bring them downtown.

“Depends on what you think it is.” Fluttershy had adopted a much different persona than usual. She was gripped with determination, and she was totally focused. Aria was surprised when Fluttershy had given out the order to move out, even more surprised when Fluttershy managed to refrain from stuttering even once.

“Well, Xenics have a thing for sex, so… sploosh?”

“Ew, no. It's oil,” said Fluttershy. “Body oil. She must be excited…”

“Okay, don’t start that pronoun game bullshit,” groaned Aria. “Just so I have to ask you who the hell ‘she’ is.”

“You know how Sunset had you and Hip-No-Tits? And how Twilight has Fingerbang? Even you and Hip-No-Tits now. Every hero has a nemesis. Someone whose world revolves around making their lives difficult.” Fluttershy turned the corner, heading onto Main Street. “Well, she’s my nemesis. Evelyn Olive Oyle, AKA Extra Virgin.”

“Oh, but you can just call me Evie! All of my friends do.”

Fluttershy groaned at what she saw. Standing just a few yards from the heroes was a girl, a bit shorter than Aria. She wore a dark green sling bikini which barely covered even her modest bosom. Her long, blonde hair was damp, as if she had just climbed out of a pool. Whereas Fluttershy was openly scowling by this point, Evie still forced a smile.

“Oh, you just can’t let me go, can you?” asked Evie. “Once you got a taste of me, you couldn’t quit!” She seductively licked her lips on the word “taste”, which visibly annoyed Fluttershy.

“I’m plenty over you, thank you very much,” said Fluttershy, tuning up her laser pistol with an audible hum. “I’m not the one who broke out of prison and travelled across the country to bug their ex. Plus, if you remember properly…” Fluttershy aimed her pistol at Evie’s head. “I broke up with you. Hands up, Extra Virgin. I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Still got feelings for me?”

“No. I just don’t feel like mopping you off the pavement.”

“Wow. That got intense,” said Aria. “Hey, I’m Ass Master. Kinda just a spectator here. Don’t really wanna stick my nose in this relationship problem.”

“We barely had a relationship,” said Fluttershy, rolling her eyes. “We went out for three weeks when I was fighting with Pinkie, and my heart wasn’t in it. She’s been stalking me since high school.” Fluttershy pulled the trigger halfway, causing the barrel of the gun to glow with emerald light. “Don’t make me ask again, Evelyn. Put your hands up.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry it had to turn out this way.” Evie licked her lips and cracked her knuckles. “You’re gonna regret breaking up with me. Especially now that I’ve finally developed.” She cupped her meager breasts in her hands seductively. “Jealous? You could’ve had all of this, but no. You just had to make up with that stupid, annoying, fat—”

Fluttershy pulled the trigger four times, four green beams of light cutting through the air and boring baseball-sized holes into the villain’s flesh. Evie let out a screech and dropped to the ground in agony.

“Whoa!” Aria grabbed the gun from Fluttershy’s grasp. “Holy shit, Hymen! Calm down!”

“Don’t call her fat,” said Fluttershy stiffly. “And give me the gun back. She’s not done yet.”

“Maybe you should cool down first.”

“Ugh… Geezy, Shy, fuck!” Evie slowly rose up, breathing heavily. Aria watched in awe as Evie’s skin seemed to melt slightly and the holes began to fill in with thick, clear liquid. The liquid solidified and darkened to match Evie’s tan skin. “I got a few other holes we can play with, you don’t have to make any more.”

“I hate when you do that. A.M., my gun, please?”

“Uh… The fuck?” asked Aria, handing the gun back. “She’s… She’s the oil! She’s made of the stuff?”

“Excellent detective work, Ass Master,” said Extra Virgin. “Now, if you excuse me, it’s about time we got wet and nasty.”

Evie grabbed a handful of her midsection and tossed it as hard as she could. It shot forward like a bullet, headed directly for Fluttershy’s chest. With a wave of the hand, a shimmering pink barrier of light blocked the shot. Fluttershy flicked her wrist and sent the blob right back to Extra Virgin, who reincorporated it into her own body.

“How the hell do we hurt her?” asked Aria. She enlarged her firsts, though she wasn’t sure what she’d do with them. If Extra Virgin could shrug off laser fire, then Aria would need something a bit stronger than her hands. “My usual solution to my problems is a big fist, so…”

“That’s what she said, boom!” said Extra Virgin, which had the effect of irritating Fluttershy even more. “I bet you know a thing or two about fisting, huh?”

“Uh… Is she normally like this?” asked Aria.

“Yes. She’s a Virgin Mary, just like me. She copes with her situation a bit differently than I do,” sighed Fluttershy. “I don’t think about sex. She thinks about nothing but sex.”

“If everything is super-sexual, then nothing is.” Extra Virgin melted her legs into a mass of clear, glistening oil, which allowed her to slither across the ground smoothly. “Oh, speaking of super-sexual, I’m supposed to ask how The Fapper is doing. The psychopath who broke me out of jail told me to ask or else she’d blow me…” Extra Virgin paused, winking seductively. “Up. Seriously, she’s super spooky and I’m afraid what will happen if I don’t ask, is he okay?”

“He’s fine. Where’s Fingerbang?” demanded Aria.

“I dunno. She just threatened to blow me up and left. She told me to go cause the heroes some trouble, so that’s exactly what I did. Didn’t hurt that Shy has been dying to see me. Ain’t that right?”

“Oh my God… Can we not do this?” asked Fluttershy. “Pinkie’s out on a mission and I can’t be there to look out for her because I’m stuck her dealing with you. So, could we, pretty please… Maybe save this for next time?”

“Eugh. Are you seriously still with that… That… Hold on, I’ve got something for this…” Extra Virgin rubbed her chin in through for a bit. “Oh yeah! That bubblegum bimbo!”

“Are you proud of that one?”

“Sorta.”

Fluttershy aimed her gun and fired another four shots at Extra Virgin, blasting her legs to a pool of oil. Extra Virgin swore as she re-solidified herself and returned to her full height, glaring daggers at Fluttershy.

“Seriously, though, what do you see in her?” scoffed Extra Virgin. “She’s the most obnoxious girl I’ve ever met.”

“Not counting yourself, I’m guessing,” noted Aria. Extra Virgin glared, holding a fist out at Aria; The first fired forward as a blob of oil, which Aria blocked with her massive palms.

“Rude. I’m not obnoxious, I’m just annoyed. I mean, you would be, too, if you were the hottest girl in school and your girlfriend left you for some cow that she’s gotta roll in flour and look for the—”

Fluttershy fired another shot, this one hitting Extra Virgin directly in the head. Her skull burst into oil before reforming, with the villain noticeably shaken by the experience. EV clutched at her head, clearly not fond of being shot in the head.

“If you say another word about Pinkie, you’ll wish that Fingerbang never let you out of jail,” said Fluttershy. “If you’re not going to come along easy, we’re going to have no choice but to use aggressive force.”

“Seriously, can you just give up?” sighed Aria. “I don’t really feel like dealing with this right now, not with Hip-No-Tits on the loose. I’ve got better shit to do. This isn’t worth my time, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want this fresh ass-whooping, so why bother fighting? You know you’re not winning, right?”

“I knew from the start that I wouldn’t be getting off of this. But, if it means I get to spite Pie, you can beat me off all day,” said Extra Virgin. She gave an exaggerated wink. “I bet you know a thing or two about beating off, eh?”

“What’s your problem with her, anyway?”

“Don’t get her started…” said Fluttershy, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“What’s my problem with her? What’s my problem?! I’ll tell you my problem!” huffed Extra Virgin. “Besides the fact that she’s annoying and I hate her, and besides the fact that she took my spot on S.E.X.Y., besides all of that… She blew my back out.” Again, EV gave an exaggerating wink and elbow-nudge. “Except it wasn’t fun, she actually really fucked up my back really badly. She slammed me into the concrete, broke my back and paralyzed me from the waist down!”

“Alright, a few things. First of all, she’s not annoying. She’s just very enthusiastic,” said Fluttershy. “Second of all, you were never even a candidate for S.E.X.Y. You failed pretty much every single test involved in joining. You weren’t even in the running.”

“There’s a test?” yawned Aria. “Captain Kink just kicked my ass and made me join.”

“Third, you had it coming. You called me some very harsh names when I broke up with you, and Pinkie doesn’t like to see me cry. You should’ve known better. And, finally, she did not break your back. She just gave you a little stinger.”

“I was in a wheelchair for several days, Shy!” shouted Extra Virgin. “It’s a miracle that I recovered! The doctors said I’d never walk again!”

“No. WebMD said you’d never walk again.”

“What do you think ‘MD’ means?”

“How do we beat this idiot?” asked Aria. “Can I punch her? Will that work? Cause I just wanna punch her. Really hard.”

“Ha!” laughed EV. “Hard…”

“I doubt you’re strong enough to really hurt her. Her body doesn’t get damaged the way a normal person does. Unless we can somehow nullify her powers, the best we can hope for is to beat her down until she doesn’t feel like getting back up. We might be here a while.”

“Hey… She’s a Virgin Mary, right? And she gets around it by making sexual things the norm,” said Aria. “But, like, what if you made her think about it?”

“What do you mean?” asked Fluttershy. Aria shifted the mass in her hands to her butt, turning to show her sizeable posterior to her crime-fighting partner.

“Concentrate on my ass,” said Aria. “But, y’know, imagine I’m in cargo shorts.”

Fluttershy nodded as she understood Aria’s plan, placing a hand to her temple. She caught an ample eyeful of Aria’s abundant ass, then concentrated on the villain before her. She reached out with her mind, her concentration unbroken.

“I need some time,” she whispered. “Keep her busy.”

“Say no more.”

Aria rushed forward, shifting her mass back to her fists and taking a swing at Extra Virgin. EV liquified, letting Aria’s fist pass through her middle before reforming and securing the Ass Master in place. EV worked in three quick, strong punches before Aria lifted her up and slammed her onto the concrete, reducing her to a puddle. EV slithered away, re-solidifying and firing another jet of oil. Aria hit the deck, letting the oil soar over her head. She leapt back up and charged EV again. This time, she feinted a right hook while shifting the mass from her left hand to her left foot and using it to sweep Extra Virgin’s legs out from under her. Just as she thought, EV was too distracted by the potential punch to avoid it, and she hit the ground with squeal.

“Ugh… You’re a rude hero,” said Extra Virgin, pushing herself back to her feet. “You picked apart my weakness before I monologued about how my powers work.”

“Is that how that works? More of that stupid Hero Etiquette, I guess,” sighed Aria. “Sorry for fucking it up, I’m still learning all these dumbass rules.”

“You didn’t start off as a hero, did you?”

“Well, I was more of a henchman, really. But yeah, former bad guy. Used to work with the Hip-No-Tits.” Aria returned her extra mass to her butt, placing her hands on her hips. “Do you know where she is? Her and I have some unfinished business.”

“Even if I did know where she was, which I don’t, I wouldn’t tell you!” said Extra Virgin. “Besides that breaking Villain Code on like six different accounts, I think Fingerbang might kill me.”

“Well, I guess we’re done here.” Aria didn’t really expect that to work, but she was still a bit annoyed that she had no real lead on Adagio. “Can we wrap this up, Hymen?”

“Ready when you are,” said Fluttershy. Aria nodded, then stepped out of the way to give Fluttershy a clear shot; Hymen closed her eyes, sending an almost-invisible wave of pink energy that passed over EV. As soon as it did, the villain began blushing profusely. The image of Aria’s round, jiggly butt permeated her brain, becoming too much to ignore. She tried to liquify and slither away, but her body remained solid. Just as the heroes thought, she was powerless.

“Wow… Your ass is… Fucking perfect,” said EV breathlessly. “Like, you beat me, and I get that I’m going to jail, but… Can you sit on my face?”

“Ew. I’m not gonna do that.” Aria shuddered slightly. “Nothing personal, just not into… That. Besides, wouldn’t losing your virginity get rid of your powers forever?”

“I honestly don’t care. Just sit on my face, I’ll give up evil forever.”

“Uh… Hymen?”

“Don’t do it. She doesn’t really mean that,” said Fluttershy. “I messed with her head, so that’s not real consent. Besides, taking a villain’s powers away for good is heavily frowned upon. We would only ever do it if Evie was a threat to the entire world, and she’s not.”

“C-can I… Can I at least touch it…?” begged EV. “I just… I need to touch it?”

Aria gave her partner a concerned look, which Hymen returned. After a moment, Fluttershy shrugged, then pulled out a communicator to contact HQ.

“If you don’t mind…” sighed Fluttershy.

“Ugh… Fine.” Aria turned, rolling her eyes as Evie approached. The villain grabbed a great big handful of Aria’s butt, letting out a nervous giggle. She slapped Aria’s ass, watching it jiggle for a second before the Ass Master turned, her eyes beaming out fury. Aria grew her right fist to full size and punched Extra Virgin square in the face, knocking her out.

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t have to do that,” said Fluttershy. “I have cuffs for her in my pocket…”

“I said she could touch my ass, not slap it,” growled Aria. “Is that a problem?”

“N-no.”

“Good. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Three weeks later, in an undisclosed location

Adagio sat in her room, her legs crossed and her eyes closed. She needed to remain totally focused. She had learned how to push reality away for times like this. She rejected all noise, all sight, all sensation outside of her own mind. Her minions knew better than to disturb her at a time like this, and so she had complete silence to meditate in.

A weight suddenly lowered itself into Adagio’s lap, breaking her concentration. The Hip-No-Tits opened her eyes, scowling at her fellow villain. Directly in her face was the bright light of the Eden Harness. Fingerbang leaned forward and licked Adagio’s face, annoying the Hip-No-Tits to no end.

“Hello, sexy,” giggled Fingerbang. “What are you getting up to?”

“I’m a bit busy currently,” said Hip-No-Tits. “I presume you had something you needed to bring to my attention?”

“Always business with you. Can’t I just come in and hi to my favorite sexy seductress?” Fingerbang laughed, running her hands down Adagio’s sides. “I just wanna talk.”

“Fingerbang… What do you have for me?”

“Fine. Be that way.” Fingerbang teleported back, laying out on the floor and flipping idly through a copy of Playboy magazine. “I’ve been blowing shit up for about a month, and that bitchy, alternate version of me has been chasing me the whole time, so that’s been keeping her busy. Those S.E.X.Y. guys have rounded up pretty much all the mid-card guys we let out. Time’s up, Hip-No-Tits. Whatever you’re gonna do, you better do it soon.” She pointed a finger gun to Adagio’s head threateningly. “For your sake, I hope you’re ready.”

“I’m waiting on Dash,” said Adagio calmly. “Be patient.”

As if summoned by her very name, a blue streak rushed into the room, stopping before Adagio. She held a long, rectangular package, about her height. She stood before Adagio, bowing before her and offering the package forward.

“I’m back, Boss,” said Rainbow, panting tiredly. Fingerbang lowered her magazine slightly to gawk at the Streaker’s naked form, laughing at what she saw. “What’s so funny, huh?”

“You’re hot,” giggled Fingerbang. “We should get together sometime…”

“Uh… I’m here for the Boss.”

“You’ve done incredibly well, Rainbow.” Adagio stood up, carefully accepting the package. She opened it, retrieving the staff it contained. It was a long staff made of gold, with the end shaped to resemble a large, thick phallus. Hip-No-Tits grinned, feeling the staff’s power resonate throughout her.

“I d-did good?” Rainbow looked up and smiled almost nervously at Adagio. “Do I get my… Ahem. My reward now?”

“Yes, Rainbow. Go get ready.” Adagio couldn’t help but smirk. “I’ll be there shortly.”

“Awesome!” Rainbow leapt up and ran to prepare herself to reap the fruits of her labor. Adagio made no effort to follow her, simply clutching the staff and grinning. Fingerbang stood uncharacteristically quiet, simply observing until Rainbow was gone.

“What is that?” she asked. “It’s incredibly powerful. Definitely not from this dimension. What is it?”

“This… This is what I’ve been waiting for, Fingerbang,” laughed Adagio. She sat back on her bad, closed her eyes, and began meditating with the staff in her hands. “Go warm Rainbow up for me, tell her I’ll be there shortly. Tomorrow… Tomorrow we prepare.”

“Prepare for what?” asked Fingerbang. She sounded suspicious, cautious, and not at all like she usually did. She studied Adagio’s expression carefully, trying to figure out just what the Hip-No-Tits had planned.

“Her return,” said Adagio simply.

Author's Notes:

S.E.X.Y. OFFICIAL TRADING CARDS

#10
Extra Virgin

Real Name: Evelyn Olive Oyle
Age: 25
Height: 5'
Weight: 130 lbs
Power: Bodily matter transformation
Affiliations: Fingerbang, The Hip-No-Tits, Hymen & Hypergao (It's complicated...)

Strength: 7/10
Speed: 7/10
Stamina: 5/10
Endurance: 8/10
Intelligence: 3/10

Evelyn Oyle is Extra Virgin, a Virgin Mary with the ability to turn any amount of her physical form into body oil, as well as the ex-girlfriend and arch-nemesis of S.E.X.Y.'s hero Hymen. Despite being nemeses, Extra Virgin's ill-will is not directed at Hymen, rather, at Hypergao. Bitter high school rivals, Extra Virgin has done everything from pull pranks, commit felonies, and even date Fluttershy, all to spite Hypergao. The three have an unsteady, psuedo-friendship, with Pinkie unwilling to hold a grudge and Evelyn unable to let her's go. One day, Extra Virgin vows to have her revenge on her long-time enemy...