Six months ago…

“Aria, hold her off! I’ll be back for you in a few!”

“Don’t leave me, you stuck-up bitch!”

Aria’s shouts had, apparently, fallen on deaf ears, because her partner-in-crime had left her high and dry. She should’ve had faith in Adagio. The two had known each other for years now, and got along well enough to rob a bank together. Still, Aria had very low expectations for how her next few minutes would play out.

She cracked her knuckles, waiting for her nemesis to burst through the door. Even though she was ready for Captain Kink, Aria still found herself a bit concerned. Even with her abilities, Aria knew from experience that those whips of Kink’s weren’t exactly what she would describe as a fun time. But, at the same time, Aria’s job wasn’t supposed to be fun. If she wanted fun, she’d have a normal career, like a bartender or a line cook. If she really wanted fun, she’d be unemployed. But she didn’t want fun. She wanted money. She wanted power. She wanted adoration. These things were not earned by having a normal job.

That’s why Aria decided to be a supervillain.

It wasn’t so much a decision that she made, but a decision that was made for her. Aria Blaze was born with a low tolerance for authority and a very peculiar body. When she met Adagio, she was almost happy to find someone just as strange as she was. Truth be told, it was one of the only reasons that Aria stood there, in her domino mask and skin-tight purple bodysuit, with no weapon, in a recently-robbed bank, with a superhero on her way.

After playing it over in her head, Aria started to regret her decisions.

“Stay right where you are, Ass Master!”

Aria rolled her eyes, both at the voice and at its insistence on using the stupid villain name. Aria knew better than to say anything about it. All these battles, robberies, and acts of vandalism, and Sunset Shimmer still couldn’t let it go.

The doors flew open, and in ran Captain Kink, Sunset Shimmer. She wore her typical hero outfit: a suit consisting of black leather straps that covered strategic portions of her body, just enough to keep her contained, for the most part.Her fiery hair was tied back into a ponytail, and she held a bronze whip in her right hand and a rope in her left. They both glowed with a dark, reddish glow.

“Could you maybe not call me that in public?” asked Aria. “I seriously don’t get how you heroes get anything done when you call us by such stupid goddamn names. I’d be too busy laughing to actually fight.”

“Where’s Hip-No-Tits?” demanded Sunset. Aria buried her face in her palms.

“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” said Aria. “How am I supposed to take you seriously when you just asked about someone named Hip-No-Tits? You sound like a horny frat boy.”

“I take it you’re not gonna give her up easy?”

“Listen, sister, if I knew where she was, I’d be kicking her ass myself.” Aria focused her power, feeling the weight shift from her rather large butt to her fists. “Left me to deal with you by myself. You doms would get right along, I bet.”

“Probably not. I’d make her submit, and she wouldn’t like that.” Sunset draped the rope around the back of her neck, stretching her whip out threateningly. “Now, we can do things the easy way or the fun way.” She cracked her whip, sending an angry snap through the room. “Get on your knees.”

“Yeah, no,” said Aria. She raised her fists, which each had grown to be about the size, weight, and density of a bowling ball. “You can kiss my ass.”

Sunset grinned, licking her lips in anticipation.

“So you’re picking the fun way?” asked Sunset, a crazed, devious glint in her eye. “Perfect.”

Aria had no more warning before the fight had started. Sunset swung her whip viciously into the side of Aria’s face, draining a bit of energy from the villain. Aria clutched the spot where Sunset had struck her, massaging it gingerly. Had Sunset struck a normal human that hard, she'd have split their skin. Luckily, Aria was far from a normal human. What she actually was, she had no clue. All she knew is that she was stronger, tougher, and faster than almost anyone she'd ever met.

She also had a bigger butt, though Aria didn’t realize that was relevant until she met Adagio.

“Look, Shimmer, I'm really not in the mood for this,” said Aria. “And, y’know, you don't want me anyway, so how about I get out of your way, you go chase Dag, and we can just—”

Sunset whipped Aria in the legs, sapping even more energy from her. Sunset’s expression went from confidence to the type of look you'd expect to see from a predator hunting prey.

“Submit, Ass Master, or else I'm going to have to punish you.” Sunset licked her lips, her body surrounded by a faint reddish glow. “And you won't like that at all. So I say again; Get. On. Your. Knees.”

Aria’s options were rather limited. She couldn't exactly beat Sunset, not by herself. And, after two whips from Captain Kink’s dreaded Bronze Draining Switch of Might, she was at an even larger disadvantage. So, Aria did the only thing she could think to do.

She turned and ran, hoping to get away through the backdoor like Adagio had.

“Oh, no you don't!” Sunset grabbed her rope and tossed it at Aria; it wrapped itself around Aria’s ankles, tripping her to the ground. With a sinister giggle, Sunset slowly began to drag Aria closer.

“Hey, Sunny, hey, hey!” Aria fought to escape, to no avail. “This isn't funny! Lemme go!”

“Your mistress did not give you permission to speak,” hissed Sunset. She pulled Aria until she was right in front of her, gently-but-firmly pressing her foot against Aria’s crotch.

“This wouldn't happen to be one of those 24/7, BDSM pornos, would it?” asked Aria, still trying and failing to escape Sunset’s rope. “Because my safety word is ‘grapefruit’, just FYI.” Sunset let the tip of her whip fall, cracking it just to the right of Aria’s face. “Grapefruit! Grapefruit!”

“I could whip you raw, Ass Master, but I have a much better idea,” said Sunset. She dragged Aria to her feet, letting her rope tie her arms to her side.

“Look, it's not my you want,” said Aria, struggling to escape the rope. “You want Dag, not me.”

“Oh, I know exactly who I want, Ass Master,” said Sunset, caressing Aria’s face with her free hand. “And, unless you want that punishment we talked about, you're going to help me get her.”

In the present…

“You ready, A.M.?” asked Sunset, staring down at her city from atop her favorite vantage building.

“Could you lay off with the Ass Master thing?” asked Aria. “It's so damn stupid. Explain to me why I you can't use my name again?”

“You're a hero now, kid. If you let people know your secret identity, you'd be putting everyone you care about at risk.”

“Newsflash, doofus, I don't have anyone I care about.” Aria stood up, dusting the gravel off of her butt (due to its size, it took a bit longer than average). “Never have.”

“You will. And, when you do, you'll be glad that Hypergao gave you that name,” said Sunset.

“Who the hell is Hypergao?”

“You'll meet her soon. Just waiting for the call from base…”

From Aria’s position, she could faintly hear the buzz of Sunset’s earpiece. Sunset put a finger to her ear, listening intently.

“Yeah. You guys ready?” she asked. “Uh-huh. Well, tell them to push it back an hour. Can't have them meeting the newbie right after a session. Alright. We'll be there in five. Yup. Kink out.”

“I swear, these names are gonna kill me,” sighed Aria. “So, let's go see your hero friends.”

“Try not to rub them the wrong way. They're a bit nervous that I'm recruiting a villain to S.E.X.Y.”

“Well, technically, I was more of a henchman than a—” Aria stopped herself, just now hearing what it was that Sunset had said. “I'm sorry, what's your team called?”

“We are S.E.X.Y.” explained Sunset. “The Squad of Enhanced Xenic Youths.”

“Xenic? Is that what you call people like us?”

“Mh-hm. Now isn't the time for explanations, though. We should get to HQ.”

Sunset grabbed her rope from her belt, tossing one end to the ground while the other wrapped itself around the ledge of the building. She grabbed the rope and slid down, landing on the ground with ease. Aria followed in her example, though she suspected with a touch more rope burn.

The two shed their costumes with the help of a watch that they both wore, which opened up and sucked the costume right off of their bodies in a matter of seconds (Sunset claimed that it was a gift from someone called The Fapper. Aria decided to not ask any questions, and also wash her hands at every available opportunity.

Following Sunset, Aria strolled down the streets of Canterlot City, seeing it from a new perspective. Before, she was a criminal who saw only people to victimize, things to break, cash to steal. Now that she was a hero…

She still felt largely the same, but knew that any attempts to do anything but protect the city would end with twenty lashes across the back.

Aria was bemused when Sunset led her to a run-down, dilapidated porn shop. She thought it must've been a prank, which was why she stood there for a moment as Sunset unlocked the door and went inside

“You're joking,” said Aria, staring at the name on the sign of the establishment. “That's a bit on the nose, don't you think?”

“Welcome to Cumworld, A.M.,” said Sunset. “Come on in.”

With a disappointed shake of the head, Aria stepped into the shop. As she expected, there were rows upon rows of dirty magazines, DVDs, VHS tapes (for when your perversion is matched only by your nostalgia) and novels. There were pin-ups on the walls, some of the models Aria recognized, some which she didn't, and some which didn't actually exist (like the purple-haired anime girl that was depicted as winking while saying “I'm watching you fap”.)

“Seriously, though, S.E.X.Y? Cumworld? Ass Master and Captain Kink?” scoffed Aria. “This is a bit much.”

“Over here,” said Sunset, ignoring the younger hero’s concerns. She stood at a wall of sex toys near the back. Aria sighed, but crossed the perversion palace and stood next to Sunset. Sunset grabbed a nearby purple dildo that sat proudly on the self and turned it twice clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, and another time clockwise.

The wall of sex toys pushed back, letting out a hiss of compressed air. Sunset pulled it to the left like a sliding door, revealing a ladder the led down into the depths of the earth. Without another word to Aria, Sunset descended down the ladder.

When Aria made it to the bottom of the ladder, she had to run to catch up to Sunset, who was already halfway down a long, dark corridor. At the end of the hall was a large steel door with no handle or knob. To the left was a panel of some sort, one that Aria thought might have been for fingerprints.

“Fapper went into one of his fits of paranoia, so we bumped up our security,” said Sunset. “It used to be just fingerprints, but now…”

Sunset reached her hand into her pants, much to Aria’s shock and confusion.

“So… Do locked doors do it for you?” asked Aria. “I mean, I assumed it was the BDSM thing, but a door fetish wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've ever heard.”

“Shut up. The sensor n-needs a confirmation that's hard to force or replicate,” said Sunset, a bit shakily. She withdrew her hand, her index finger glistening and moist, then pressed her finger against the scanner. The door began to hum, then thunk as the locks slid out of place.

“So… It needs girlcum?” asked Aria.

“Mh-hm. It's technically any form of sexual excretion,” said Sunset. “Which reminds me, The Fapper is gonna need a sample.”

“I'm not letting anyone who calls themselves ‘The Fapper’ go south of the border,” said Aria.

“I won't need to. Just need you to get it yourself.” Aria jumped at the voice, which seemed to come from nowhere. Upon further inspection, Aria noticed what appeared to be intercom speakers in the wall.

“Open the door,” said Sunset. “And stop freaking out the newbie.”

“Sorry, Captain,” said the intercom voice. There was a deep buzz, and the door slid open. Sunset beckoned for Aria and stepped through the door.

It was a large room, large enough to fit three Cumworlds, with a bit of space leftover. In the middle was a round table which had a map of Canterlot City on the surface. Near the back was a row of computers that looked so sophisticated, Aria started to wonder if she had somehow stepped into the future. The man working at the computers either didn't notice or didn't care that Aria had walked in. Off to the right was a door that, from what Aria could tell, led to the sleeping quarters. There was another door to the left, which had a large sign reading “KEEP OUT”. Finally, there was a small kitchen area near the front of the room.

“Mama's home,” said Sunset loudly. “Come on, kids. Come meet your new sister.”

The man at the computers spun in his chair, wheeling himself over. He was a smaller guy, shorter and thinner than Aria, with spiky green hair and piercing emerald eyes, over one of which was some sort of high-tech specs. He moved his fingers through the air as if typing on an invisible keyboard, keeping quiet until he was finished with whatever he was doing.

“Hey, nice to meet you,” he said. “The name’s Spike, but people call me The Fapper.” He moved his 22nd century monocle to his forehead so he could see more clearly. “I'm the planner, designer, and engineer around here. I'll be the one you come to if you want new weapons or armor or anything. What exactly is your gift, out of curiosity?”

“I have a big ass,” said Aria.

“I noticed. I've been studying it.”

“Creepy. Anyway, I can shift the mass from my butt to anywhere else in my body.” Aria grew out her fists to demonstrate. “So, if I want to punch anyone with the twenty pounds that normally are in my ass, I can.”

“Hm… have you considered putting on some weight?” asked Spike. “The fatter your ass, the more weight you have to work with.”

“Not sure I'm comfortable discussing my ass strategy with a dude I just met,” said Aria, returning her fists to normal. “Especially a dude called The Fapper. I feel like you're just making material for the spank bank.”

“Fair enough.”

“You got a lock on Hip-No-Tits?” asked Sunset.

“I got my babies working overtime running the algorithm that'll help us find her,” said Spike, pointing at his supercomputers. “Give them a few.”

The KEEP OUT door opened, and a new hero stepped into the room. She wore a pink and black bodysuit, not entirely unlike the purple one that Aria wore. The differences came in two forms; The metal exoskeleton on the limbs and the metal mask on the face. The mask was what Aria found most interesting. It had blue lights for eyes, and a swarm of tubes near the mouth.

“Hiya, newbie!” she said brightly. “Welcome to the family!”

“Uh… The hell am I looking at exactly?” asked Aria.

“This is Hypergao. Gao, meet the Ass Master,” said Sunset. “Take off the mask, let her see your face.”

Hypergao grabbed her mask, pulling it off with a slight hiss as the air escaped. She blinked her bright blue eyes, grinning wildly. A small pink curl of hair hung from beneath the top of her suit, dancing between her eyes.

“I'm Pinkie Pie,” said Hypergao. She grabbed the empty air next to her. “And this is my little cutie. We call her Hymen.”

“Um… She's imaginary?” asked Aria. Pinkie looked to her side, apparently surprised that nothing was there.

“Whoops! Sorry, she's kinda shy.” Pinkie poked at the air, getting no response. Her hand went a bit lower, squeezing at nothing.

Slowly, the air next to Pinkie started to shimmer. A woman faded into view, a bit taller and thinner than Pinkie. Her face was blushing bright red, and she seemed determined not to look at anyone. Aria could tell why; Pinkie had been squeezing her butt.

“H-hi. I'm Hymen. Or Fluttershy. I don't mind what you call me,” she said quietly. “Pinkie, you can stop now.”

“But you might disappear again!”

“I promise I'll stay right here,” said Fluttershy. Pinkie’s hand squeezed tighter, a crazed grin spreading across her face.

“But, Flutters… Therapy got pushed back!” complained Pinkie. “I'm dying over here!”

“Pinkie… You're getting excited…”

Pinkie’s exoskeleton whirred to life, dragging Pinkie’s hand away from Fluttershy. Pinkie sighed, put her mask back on, and took a deep breath. The eyes on the mask glowed red, and there was a hiss as it released some sort of gas. When the eyes turned back to blue, Pinkie removed the mask.

“Aaaaaaand, I'm good,” she said.

“You are a bunch of freaks,” said Aria, shaking her head. “What the hell is that all about? Why the suit?”

“Pinkie has a disorder,” said Spike. “Called sexual hypersensitivity. Most things that touch her make her feel extremely intense sexual pleasure. If I shook her hand without that glove in her, she'd cum immediately. For, like, twenty minutes.”

“Thirty-two,” sighed Fluttershy. “She's getting worse.”

“Why not let her get it out of her system?”

“Doesn’t work like that,” said Spike. “She doesn’t get tired. She doesn’t need a cooldown. She can just keep going and going. Plus… That’ll cause issues down the line.”

“When Pinkie gets frisky… Well, she gets out of control,” said Sunset. She glanced over at Pinkie, who was slowly putting her mask back on. “And that’s all we’re gonna say about it for now. Shy, go get Pinkie ready for therapy. Spike, get to work on finding Hip-No-Tits. Ass Master—”

“How come they get their real names and I’m still Ass Master?” asked Aria, rolling her eyes.

“You and I are going on patrol. In this city, there’s always some sort of evil to vanquish.”

“You’re taking this very seriously.”

Before Sunset could retort, a loud, screeching siren split the air. The map-table began flashing, with an area of the city blinking red. Fluttershy grabbed Pinkie’s hand, then vanished, leading her back through the door that they emerged from. Spike put his eyepiece back in position, then wheeled himself over to his computers.

“Is it Dag?” asked Aria.

“No. Someone new,” said Spike. “Robbery at Canterlot Central Bank. And La Princessa Espumunda.”

“That’s uptown,” said Sunset. “It’s a team?”

“I need to invest in iGlass for you guys, it’ll make briefing go easier,” said Spike with a shake of the head. “We got a villain from Cloudsdale, calls herself The Streaker. Real name is Rainbow Dash. Super speed, but only while naked.”

“How does that even work?” asked Aria.

“Xenic gifts are mysterious. No one knows much about them,” said Sunset. She tapped her watch, and her costume forced itself onto her body. “Spike, you coming?”

“Need to charge up Bad Dragon. I’ll catch up,” he said. He jumped out of his chair and ran out of the room.

“Well, that means it’s just you and me, A.M.,” said Sunset. “Ready to go?” Aria sighed, activated her costume, and cracked her knuckles menacingly.

“Yeah, why not?” said Aria. “Let’s give this hero thing a try.”

Author's Notes:

S.E.X.Y. OFFICIAL TRADING CARDS

#01
The Ass Master

Real Name: Aria Blaze
Age: 19
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 146 lbs
Power: Manipulation and redistribution of body mass
Affiliations: The Hip-No-Tits (Former), S.E.X.Y.

Strength: 7/10
Speed: 5/10
Stamina: 6/10
Endurance: 8/10
Intelligence: 4/10

Aria Blaze was a simple street thug, using her flexible body mass and large posterior to beat down her victims. Adagio Dazzle, childhood friend and notorious supervillain The Hip-No-Tits, recruited her for her campaign of evil upon discovering Aria's powers. After being left at the mercy of Captain Kink, the Ass Master seeks only justice. Now a member of the superhero team S.E.X.Y., Aria Blaze dedicates every second of her life to bringing down The Hip-No-Tits and putting her behind bars, once and for all