Guilt?

“Yes, survivors guilt specifically.” Gunny said, looking at something attached to her clipboard. She looked pretty upset about something but it didn’t take a genius to guess what that was. I had spent the better part of the day alone in my office after sending the children away. Both Grim and Sunny had tried to coerce me out but the only way that would have happened would have been on my own terms which is what eventually happened. Though I didn’t get far before I was forced to return to Gunny where I now sat under her scrutinizing gaze. “You feel guilty for surviving when somepony else didn’t. Especially since you say the attack was meant for you.”

Could that have been what I was feeling? I levitated the clipboard she was holding over and into my hooves. On the piece of paper were hoofwritten notes on the illness. After reading it for a moment I could see some similarities between studies and what I had been feeling since Azura’s death.

“It’s also a big symptom of WSD or Wartime Stress Disorder. This could be resolved with counseling in time…two hundred years ago. No properly trained Ministry of Peace ponies are around to help you so unfortunately there isn’t much I can do. Speaking of which…”

I looked up expectantly to see what she had in store for me when her hoof slammed into the side of my head, knocking me off of the bed I had been sitting on.

“OW! Gunny what the fuck!?” I yelled, floundering around on the floor a moment, torn between nursing the pain or standing up. Both of which required my only leg.

“I told you not to push yourself!” She yelled back, picking up the clipboard and throwing it at my head. “Then Aurora comes to me crying her eyes out, telling me that you locked yourself in your office!? You’re just like Basalt! Prancing about doing whatever the hell you want like you have a fucking death wish! What if you’d needed help? What if you had died in there? Nopony would have been able to help you.”

I couldn’t meet her eyes. I shrunk against her piercing gaze because she was absolutely right. It hit me even harder when she mentioned her lover Basalt, a pony who had also died because of me. Here we were, alone in the world, because of me. Was there anypony I’d met since leaving the Stable whose life I had a positive effect on? I heard the door to the med bay open behind me and watched as a very reluctant looking Aurora walked in.

“H-hi dad.” She said weakly. It was obvious that Gunny had been telling the truth as her fur was wet and matted under her red, puffy eyes. I shakily got back on my hooves with some effort and in that time she had crossed the room over to me. We both just stared at each other waiting to see who would make the first move.

“Aurora I-”

“I didn’t-”

We both spoke at the same time, silencing each other from continuing. For a moment it went back to an uncomfortable staring match as we each waited for the other to speak. Eventually Aurora let out a big, shaky sigh and closed the distance between us and simply rested her head on my chest.

“I-I’m so sorry daddy…” Aurora whimpered, her voice quivering, telling me that she had started crying again. “I didn’t mean it. P-please don’t leave me.”

Aurora was terrified of being alone again, terrified of having nopony like before we rescued her. The thing she had said to me must have really shaken her as I had noticed she only called me ‘daddy’ when she was distressed. She was afraid that I was going to leave her behind or send her away, take from her the only thing she had left in this wasteland. Aurora wasn’t a foal; she was a thirteen-year-old filly but despite all the strength I’d seen her wield since I’ve known her, she was still susceptible to her own fears and doubts.

“Aurora…” I said softly, stroking her mane gently with my hoof. “I don’t deserve somepony like you.”

She looked up at me through misty eyes, a confused look on her face. “Huh?”

“You have helped me more than you know, in fact I’m the one who’s afraid you’ll leave me.”

“Dad…I-I-” She started, unsure how to respond to me flipping her fear on its head.

“You are my daughter Aurora Dawn and nothing will stop me from loving you.” I wrapped my leg around her and pulled her into a warm hug. “Nothing.” I reaffirmed, squeezing her a little tighter.

I couldn’t imagine my life without Aurora. She was my reason for being, my light in the darkness. She had the potential to be exactly what the world needs, to be the hero I would never be. If my only role in this world was to guide her to that path then that was a life I was happy to live. I would take everything the wasteland could dish out head on before I let anything happen to her and then, when my body could take no more, she could use my corpse to propel herself higher and breach the surface towards a better future.

~That’s defeatist talk. Trust in me Starborn, we will build this future you seek together~

We’ll see. I mentally retorted. I had a powerful resource at my disposal in the form of the prison orb that was now bonded to me. However as one power is gained another is lost. Soon after the Author had bonded to me, I had lost my leg to Dusk Diver. Suddenly the vessel he had been tempting since I arrived in Whinnyapolis was damaged.

~I was very careful in my selection. The loss of your leg is of no consequence. I waited centuries for a worthy vessel. For you, Starborn~ I waited for him to say more but it seemed he was going to keep his secrets. That only made the sinister feeling that had been building since we bonded grow. Aurora felt my grip loosen, thinking that I was done with the hug and took a step back to wipe the tears from her face.

“I…dad I love you.”

“I know.” I said, patting her on the head, showing her I had forgiven what she had said. “Why don’t you go get everyone ready and pack? We’re going to be leaving soon.”

Aurora took a moment to steady herself and wiped her eyes one last time. “Yeah, Okay.” She smiled, hurrying out the door to tell the others.

“As touching as that was, I’m still mad at you.” Gunny said, reminding me that she had been scolding me before Aurora came in. “I hope you understand what I’m telling you, for that filly’s sake at least.” Gunny’s expression dipped slightly at the mention of a child. Curiosity got the better of me and I tilted my head down to try and sneak a peek under her doctor’s coat.

“Sparks!? What do you think you’re doing!? Gunny screamed, blushing through her fur and trying to cover as much of her body as she could with her coat. Fortunately, she didn’t cover herself fast enough as I spotted something out of the ordinary around her midsection.

“Gunny…” I started slowly, coming to a surprised realization. “Are you pregnant?” Gunny shifted on her hooves uncomfortably, like I uncovered some kind of dark secret.

“I was hoping to keep that a secret a while longer.” She touched a hoof to her belly in a protective manner.

“So that means the father was-”

“Basalt, yes.” She finished for me. “I was going to tell him after the expedition, try and convince him to settle down somewhere and give up our life of adventure. Now this foal is all I have left of him.”

Some thoughts were kicking around in my head and suddenly a lot of things about her and her behavior started to make sense. After the collapse in the metro station she was ready to abandon the expedition. Back then I thought it was simple fear for her own well-being but now I knew it was for much more than herself. It was also for that reason that I thought she opted to remain here, for her own safety but no, it was for the safety of her unborn foal.

“That’s why you stayed after he died.” I voiced aloud. “To protect your foal.”

“Without him I had nowhere to go. We were wanderers. When we helped clear this place out, I saw the chance for a home. A place that was safe.” She stopped and turned around to face me. “Now you know why I stayed; how selfish I’ve been.”

“Selfish? That’s not the word I’d use to describe the mare that’s saved me twice.” I said, bumping her with my head to get her attention. “So you stayed because it was safe, big deal. You’ve more than earned your place here. If you want to stay then I won’t stop you. Besides, have you seen the ponies we’ve been gathering? They’re certainly going to need somepony with medical training.” I gave her the best reassuring smile I was capable of at the moment, one that must have worked as her expression began to soften.

“T-thanks…Boss.” She stood up a little straighter as she officially recognized her place amongst the Regulators. “But if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to keep it a secret…just a while longer.”

“Of course.” I said, lowering my head to acknowledge her wishes. “Am I good? Can I go now?” I asked, eagerly awaiting her response.

“You’re going to leave no matter what I say aren’t you?” She asked with a sigh.

“Yup.”

“Then yes you can go, but the next time you come see me you better be on your own hooves. Understand?”

I smiled and reared back on my hind hooves slightly and gave her a salute. “Yes Ma’am.” With that I turned and made my way out into the hallways, wondering where the others put my stuff.

I wandered the halls for a few minutes, stopping every now and then to chat with one of Blackhawk’s recruits. As I neared the end of the hall, I thought I might have recognized one of the recruits who had his back to me. When he heard me approach, he turned around to face me and I almost fell over in surprise.

“Crescent Wrench!?” I sputtered. There he was, my old friend from the maintenance wing back in the Stable. I knew that the entire population of Stable 63 had been forced out shortly before the battle of Black Town but besides my family I hadn’t really given any of the other survivors much thought.

“Sparks…” He said back, an immensely regretful look in his eyes. “I uh…heard about you on the radio. When I heard DJ Pon3 mention that the Regulators were recruiting I thought this would be a good way to atone. I saw you in Black Town and I didn’t believe it was you. I just couldn’t believe what they were saying about you, but then when I got here Blackhawk explained everything.”

“I thought if you ever saw me again you were going to kill me?” I half joked before looking at where my leg used to be. “Somepony got a head start on you though.”

“Yeah…I did say that didn’t I? Listen, you gotta understand. The Overmares blamed it all on you, everything from the fire to the riots. I…I lost my mind. I killed that mare because I was scared, scared that they were going to kill us. Now I realize how stupid the whole situation was. We were never enemies. That’s why I’m here now. To make up for the mistakes I’ve made.”

He made no mention of the genetic labs down below the Stable, he still didn’t know the true nature of Stable 63. A truth, I decided, he didn’t need to know. They were safe from it now…though a mystery about the exodus still lingered. What forced them to leave?

“Crescent, why was everypony forced to leave Stable 63? What happened?” I asked, hoping that he had a better idea of what happened than Summer did.

“I don’t really know anything about it but I can tell you this. It wasn’t their idea. I think the Overmares were forced to make us leave.”

“That…that doesn’t make any sense. Forced by who? Stable-Tec?” My ears twitched in annoyance.

“I don’t know what to tell you Sparks, but after the riots and the repairs I can tell you that there was nothing wrong with the Stable. The water talisman is still good, life support, the orchard, they are all fine. Stable 63 is still perfectly inhabitable.”

“I…I just don’t understand.” I stopped and thought about everything I knew about Stable 63 and those who knew about it. Dusty Trail said some ponies tried to force their way in fifty years ago and failed. Corkscrew, the bartender from Black Town, had met a pony from the Stable who had to be the one that escaped who was mentioned on the terminals in the sub labs. Whether or not that pony was alive or not was anypony’s guess but they did escape and could have possibly revealed the existence of the Stable. So, with that in mind, who in the wasteland knew about Stable 63? Only one pony came to mind. Director Cobalt. He had known I was from Stable 63. At first, I thought it was because of the Stable jumpsuit and barding I had been wearing but now I think he knew more than he let on. Cobalt had also asked me when I had left the Stable as if that information were somehow valuable to him. Could he possibly be involved in the forced exodus of Stable 63? And if so for what purpose? Perhaps a visit to the College was in order later down the line.

I decided not to share my thoughts with Crescent just yet, his loyalty was still in question for now. Though if he were to be believed he was attempting to atone for what he did in the riots. I only saw the one dead mare at his hooves before I left…did that mean he had killed more earth ponies before the fighting stopped? The look of regret on his face spoke volumes.

“I wouldn’t stress on it too much, at least we all made it out alive…well, most of us.” He really looked like he was sorry for what happened, maybe there was hope for him yet. “Hey Sparks? Are you missing a leg?” His eyes widened at the notice of my missing appendage. “Holy shit, what happened to you?”

“It’s a long story I’d rather not get into. Ask me again sometime.” I had plenty of things to think about and my recent tragedy wasn’t something I needed to relive right now. I had a plan, a weak plan mind you but a plan nonetheless and Crescent wasn’t a part of it for now. “Stay here and do whatever Blackhawk says, I’ll be back soon.” With that said I excused myself from his presence and continued on. Truth be told, I hadn’t a clue when I would be back but that wasn’t something an eager new recruit wanted to hear, even if said recruit was an old friend of mine.

As it turned out, I wasn’t very good at navigating my own complex. Especially now that it was partially inhabited. I knew how to get to what was now considered my office, but I doubted I would find the others there. Thankfully I happened by Grim in one of the hallways, judging by the look on his face he had been looking for me as well.

“There you are, I’ve been looking for you.” He said, sounding a bit calmer than I would have expected. “Aurora told me what’s going on. Before we leave though, I have something for you. Follow me.” He beckoned for me to come as he turned around and started heading the other way. I shuffled behind him, keeping pace pretty well for a cripple when we arrived in the living quarters. Whether or not the room we entered was one that was given to Grim or one that was in use by somepony else was unclear, though that wouldn’t stop him from doing what he brought me here to do.

“Sparks…” He said softly, almost as if what he was going to say was causing him pain. “How familiar are you with griffin culture?”

“Ah well…” trailed off. I really didn’t have much of an idea. Most griffins in the wasteland were mercenaries. Instead of giving him that answer I settled for a shrug.

“I thought not. In that case this gesture may not mean much to you now, but it will. Griffins are a very honor bound people and our families are very tightknit. To that end, when a griffin passes away, we keep mementos from their life to remember them by. Close relatives or lovers occasionally take something more personal.”

“Why are you telling me this?” This seemed an odd time for a cultural lesson but I chose to stay and hear him out, at the very least to see where he was going with this.

“I don’t know if she had any family but I know that you two were close at the end. She would have wanted you to have this.” Grim’s voice wavered for a moment, sharing in my sadness as he pulled a single blue feather from his bag. “Take it and remember her.”

I seized it with my magic as fresh tears streaked down my cheeks. I placed the feather in my mane for the time being until I could put it somewhere better. “Thank you…” I barely managed to croak out between muffled sobs. Now with Azura’s feather and Winter’s necklace I was becoming a walking reminder of failure. I would take those reminders and use them to push myself forward, to be better so it wouldn’t happen again. But for now, I was content to lose myself in what memories I had of her and weep, the time for strength could come later.

Grim placed a claw on my shoulder and squeezed gently, telling me he was there for me should I need him before excusing himself to make whatever preparations he needed. That left me alone in the room, only my thoughts to keep me company…and the thoughts of the other.

~Such tragedy, pity you couldn’t save them~

Shut up! You didn’t even know them!

~But I know you and through you I can see them. If only you had been stronger there wouldn’t be this hole in your heart. A hole, I might add, that is just the right size for me~

The Author’s presence was like a parasite, feeding on my despair and trying to tempt me into using the power he possessed, but if I could resist him, his power could be a valuable tool to me. Though that was the hard part, his influence was corrupting…almost addictive. When I tasted the power he offered in Whinnyapolis I almost became like a different person. I killed without a second thought and delighted in torturing my enemies. That was the influence I had to be wary of, the influence I hoped could be controlled.

By the time I was done thinking to myself, I realized I had let Grim get away, leaving me just as lost as before. I never knew how helpful my PipBuck map had been until I didn’t have it. However, luck would find me for a second time as Aurora trotted around the corner in front of me.

“C’mon dad we’re all ready to go!” She said impatiently, waving for me to hurry up. I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm and did my best to keep pace behind her. I followed until we arrived in the large room that contained the elevator to the surface, the same room I had killed Chestnut in. Standing around the elevator was Sunny and Grim, fully equipped and ready to go, at Sunny’s hooves were my saddlebags and equipment.

“Are you sure you’re ready to go?” Sunny asked, raising an eyebrow either at my bravery or stupidity.

I opened my mouth to respond but was halted by a few quick, wet coughs. I spit the small amount of blood that came up out onto the concrete and offered a weak smile.

“Of course, why do you ask?” I felt a hoof slap me on the rump, to which I turned and saw Aurora giving me an annoyed glare.

“What did I say before? Don’t be a hero.”

“Alright, alright, message received.” I relented.

“So where are we heading anyway?” Grim asked, curious as to why we were leaving so soon.

“Well first we need to go to the Crater.” I said, relaying the first step of my current plan. “There’s something I left there I need to get.” That was the truth, but there was also a secondary reason. It had been close to three weeks since I left the Crater to finish Chestnut. My mother was probably worrying herself to death. I wasn’t looking forward to that reunion, especially considering how strongly she’d reacted to when I had a hole torn through my ear. Now look at me, my fur was patchy in spots from the balefire geyser, the burn scars from said geyser, metal bomb collar stuck around my neck and a missing leg. It wasn’t going to be pretty, for either of us.

“Then what?” Sunny asked, scrutinizing me with her stare.

“I keep a promise I made a long time ago. We’re going back to the Naval Academy.”

“The Steel Rangers?” A voice from the hallway behind me asked. We looked to see Blackhawk enter the room with a confused expression. “Are you sure you want to go associating with them?”

“What do you mean?” Up until that point my relations with the Steel Rangers had been friendly…well, mostly friendly, one of their knights did try to kill us. Perhaps I was being too optimistic. After all, all of my interactions with them had mainly been through the same pony, a mare named Freesia.

“They’re technology hoarders.” Blackhawk answered like it should have been obvious. “The last thing we want is for them to find out about this place.”

“Why’s that?” Aurora asked, her brow raised in curiosity.

“Because they’ll want it for themselves. I’ve seen what they’ve done to old Stables. Empty ones and inhabited ones.” Blackhawk let that last fact hanging in the air, a severe warning to all who heard.

I shifted on my hooves uncomfortably at the mention of the Rangers raiding Stables, something I’d have to ask about when we go to the Academy. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

“Boss, all I’m saying is you shouldn’t put your trust in folks who are only looking after themselves. They may appear noble, maybe even heroic, but they’re raiders just like the rest. They just have the best toys.” Blackhawk excused himself after his final warning and strode off to wherever his duties demanded he be.

“He’s not serious, is he?” I asked, hoping to get some kind of clue from Grim and Sunny’s expressions.

Both of them appeared to be appraising what was just said, though they also didn’t offer anything that told me he was wrong. Sunny was the first to the elevator when she spoke up.

“Remember that device they gave us, the one to get through a Stable door?” There was an air of finality to the way she said it, telling me that they were very capable of what Blackhawk had said and more. Regardless of these new fears I still planned to proceed with my plan, though perhaps I wouldn’t be as open as I would have been.

Once we were all aboard the elevator it was a quick ride to the surface and then the long walk back to the Crater.

Things were quiet in the Baltimare outskirts, something I was thankful for as I wasn’t in the best condition to fight as my coughing constantly reminded me. It took a bit longer to get to the Crater than it normally would have, what with the frequent breaks I had to take. Yet, through it all, I was glad that we were all traveling together again. When the gates of the Crater came in to view, I felt a wave of dread wash over me. I knew my mother wasn’t going to take the news well. However, once the gates opened, I was greeted by a pony I hadn’t spoken to since Aurora’s birthday.

“Jack heard DJ Pon3 say you reformed the Regulators.” She said, looking at me with a sparkle in her eyes. “When he told me-” She trailed off when she noticed Sunny helping me keep my balance as we descended into the Crater. Summer followed after us, concern dripping from her expression.

“I know what you’re going to say.” I said, followed by a quick cough. “I got a new necklace.” I gestured to the bomb collar around my neck with a weary smile.

“Fuck the new necklace Sparks, where’s your leg?” Summer asked, astonished that I could joke about such a thing.

“Good question. Grim?” I looked back at my griffin companion, wondering myself what happened to it.

“Well, after I removed your PipBuck, I buried it behind the barn with…” He was careful not to say her name, lest it bring up more bad memories.

“Now we all know. It’s in the ground.”

“This isn’t funny Sparks, when did this happen?”

“Couple days ago.”

“How?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine. Don’t tell me. I’ll find out sooner or later.”

I felt an oppressive tickle in the back of my mind, one I had felt several times now. “Yeah right, from who? Winter? Hate to be the one to tell you but she’s not that talkative anymore.” As soon as the words left my mouth the tickle faded and I knew I had gone too far, even if I was still grieving my own losses. I tried to face her, to apologize when a hoof smacked across my face.

“How dare you.” Summer hissed, storming away from me and heading for the tower in the middle of the Crater.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sunny asked, abandoning me to hobble down the slope of the Crater by myself.

~After everything you sacrificed to avenge her, this is the thanks you get? A slap to the face without even so much as a thank you? No one will ever understand you the way I do, your pain is MY pain Starborn and those who stand against you stand against me~

The tickle returned as magic radiated into my horn and my aura flared to life on its own. My eyes followed after Summer, teeth bared in anger as I started to charge a spell. Before I could do anything I’d regret, I felt something hit me from behind. I lost my concentration and tumbled down the slope, skidding all the way down on my face. When I reached the bottom and got back to my hooves, I could feel the anger that had been building dissipate as if it had never been there to begin with. I looked back up to where the rest of my companions stood, looking down on me barely holding back smiles. Aurora stood next to them, no smile on her face as she shrugged.

“Sorry dad, didn’t mean to bump into you like that.”

She pushed me? Of course, she was the only when who recognized when the Author’s aura replaced…my own.

What did you do to me?

~What you wanted. I gave you the power to destroy your enemies~

I could have killed her… You won’t control me. I won’t let you turn me into a killer.

~You don’t have to worry about that. You were a killer long before I found you Starborn. It’s part of what made you a suitable host~

You…You’re wrong. I’m not a monster.

~Monster is a relative term. To you, I am a monster but what are you to them? The ponies who hold you up as their savior, their Harbinger of Hope? Do you think they’d support you if they knew the truth? If they knew your image is built on lies? If they knew you were a monster?~

The Author brought forth the images Pinkie had shown me, all the times I failed myself and others. All the brutality and cowardice that my pitiful existence had produced since I left Stable 63.

That’s not me…I can make this right…

~You are who you are on your worst day and that’s what I am, your worst day personified. You can lie to yourself Starborn but do not lie to me~

And with that the Author’s presence faded and I was left with nothing but myself. After what he said I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to be less than me.

“C’mon, get up. Ponies are starting to stare.” Sunny shoved me with her head, pushing me away from the crowd who had stopped to leer at the one-legged pony, covered in mud who just tumbled down the main slope of the Crater.

In no time at all we were traversing the scrap metal walkways and platforms that held the majority of the Crater’s homes and buildings where we ran into another familiar face. A light green mare in a dirty mechanics jumpsuit with a tightly braided light blue ponytail.

“Hey Sparks, I thought you were dead.” She paused a moment to do what everypony I’ve met so far had done and stare at my missing leg. “Looks I was half right.”

Strange that the cynical, sarcastic pony was the one who made me feel the most at ease. “Good to see you too Circuit, how have you been?” I attempted a smile but it wouldn’t have fooled a blind pony.

“Better than you. I was just going to check up on your house like you asked me to.”

“Yeah? How is the old place?”

“I’ve been using it to store spare parts in, hope you don’t mind.”

“Well…so long as everything’s still there.”

“I’ve also slept off a few benders in there.”

“O-okay… I guess that counts as watching.”

“Entertained a gentlecolt or two…”

“Umm…Okay?”

“You’re bed is pretty comfortable…”

“What!? In…in my bed!?”

“What?” She laughed, thumping a hoof against my chest. “It’s not like I haven’t had sex in your bed before.” She gave me a cute little smirk, looking incredibly pleased with herself.

“Yeah with me! I can’t believe you brought some-”

“Gotcha.” She said with another smirk. Taking an amount of pleasure in her teasing. I on the other hoof had to take a step back to hide my embarrassment. That was one way to tell everypony what had happened between us.

She moved passed us and took the lead, leading us back to the place I called home. She opened the door and it was evident that she hadn’t been kidding. All around the front door in great piles were odds and ends of all sorts. One pile of greasy gears and cogs, another of singed or melted circuitry. In the center of the room however was the powered down hulk of the Sentinel I had brought from the Bloomberg Space Center.

“What happened to the Sentinel?” I was a little upset that after all I went through to get the damn robot it was sitting here in my house.

“Used up all its ammo. After that it was only good for being a big target. So, we stored it here until we can resupply it.” Circuit looked bored about the whole situation, telling me that she had spent a fair amount of time tinkering with the robot to no effect.

None of that mattered though as I was here for a specific piece of tech and nothing more. I went into my bedroom and began rooting through my meager belongings. As I did so, I heard the sound of small hooves enter the room.

“It happened again.” Aurora said sternly. “Your aura was different. You were going to attack Summer, weren’t you? What’s happening to you?” She was the only one around when I had first accepted power from the Author, she’d noticed something inside me had changed. What she didn’t know was how deep it ran and that I almost killed a pony I considered to be my sister because of it.

“That wasn’t me.” I heard myself whisper, just short of Aurora’s hearing.

“What?” She took a big step forward, as if she were trying to intimidate me into telling.

“Don’t be ridiculous Aurora.” I managed to force out with great effort. “I would never do something like that. I pretty much grew up with Summer.”

“Liar. I saw that look in your eyes. It was the same look you had when you ripped all the limbs off that griffin. I know you dad and that wasn’t you. If I didn’t shove you down who knows what you’d have done.”

She was right, as always. I had hoped that I could use the Author’s power without losing myself to it but his influence was too much for me. For now, he was just too strong. Instead it was like I was a prisoner behind my own eyes, unable to do anything but watch as somepony else moved me like a puppet. I didn’t even open myself to him like I did before. I didn’t want to hurt Summer but he thought otherwise and took control. Aurora could no doubt read me like a book, I was shaking so much knowing that he could take over at any time that it’d be impossible for her to not notice. Yet I still couldn’t tell her. The Author was right. What would they think of me if they knew the truth? This had to be my secret to bear and it would take all of my power to try and keep his in check.

“It’s nothing. Please…don’t worry about me Aurora.” I was pleading with her, hoping beyond hope that she would drop the subject.

“How long are you going to lie? Look at you! You can’t stop trembling. Something is wrong.” Just like before she wasn’t willing to drop it and like before I would have to force her. Though I couldn’t bring myself to do it. We had just finished mending a gap between us and I never wanted her to think she couldn’t trust me but I sure was making it difficult.

Aurora had known this world longer than I had and that meant she had the advantage, any kind of story I could come up with would be recognized as a fabrication. Doubly so since she knew me just as well. She had me against the wall. She wasn’t going to let this go until I spilled my secrets to her. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. If anypony should know, if anypony deserved to know, it was her…my princess.

Yet I found that I still couldn’t say it. Not yet. Not out loud. Instead I unfastened my saddlebags and let them drop to the floor, settling for the next best thing. I reached into my bags and withdrew my treasure, my captor, my fate. The Soul Orb. I held it in my hoof and watched as the black and pink storm it seemed to contain swirled in random patterns. I struggled to look away but managed to successfully drop it on the floor in front of me. Aurora looked at it and back to me several times, wondering what this orb had to do with everything.

“What…what kind of orb is that?” Aurora’s eyes widened as the storm seemed to settle and redirect itself towards her. When I saw the change, I immediately snatched up the orb and returned it to my bags.

“That orb…” I hesitated. “Holds a great power. The power that I used in Whinnyapolis and almost used again today.”

“Power? What kind of power?”

“The power to destroy my enemies.”

~The power to destroy your enemies~

I heard the echo of his voice in mine as I said it. Aurora looked taken aback by the information, taking a single step away from me.

“I accepted this power to save you in Whinnyapolis. I had no choice. I couldn’t lose you, so I let it in. However, I also let something else in. Something that led me to that orb in the swamp.”

“In the swamp…the zebra village. Dad…d-did you…?” Realization dawned across her face, her eyes filling with horror.

“I don’t know Aurora…” As if a dam had been removed a sudden surge of memory assaulted my brain. The sound of screams, the smell of smoke and the sight of bodies, broken and bloody. “I-I think I did, but it wasn’t me. Please, you have to believe me.” I pleaded.

Aurora’s eyes darted around room desperately looking for some kind of answer. “Get rid of it. Dad you have to get rid of it.”

“I…I can’t!”

“What do you mean you can’t? It’s evil! Throw it away!”

“You don’t understand! I can’t just throw it away!”

“Why not? Y-you want to keep it?” Aurora couldn’t hide the revulsion in her voice. Perhaps she hadn’t even tried to.

“It’s a part of me now.”

~I’m a part of you now~

We spoke again as one. I was the Author’s vessel, as much him as he was me. There was no separating us now, no matter how much I wanted it.

“H-how could you do something like this? Why would you let something evil inside?”

“I did it for you.” Aurora was clearly disturbed by the news. “It was the only way.”

“There’s always another way.” Aurora looked absolutely disgusted, so much so that she beat a hasty retreat out of the room and away from me. Leaving me by myself in my room, alone to search for what I came here for. Without any more distractions I quickly found it and stowed it in my bags before returning to the others. As soon as I trotted out into the hallway, I heard somepony clear their throat to get my attention. I looked over my shoulder to see Sunny leaning against my doorframe, a serious look in her eyes.

“When were you going to tell me?” So, she heard everything. I supposed it was for the best.

“If I had my way? Never.” I didn’t try to smile this time. I was dead serious. If I could have, nopony else would have to share this burden with me, it was mine to bear and it should have stayed that way.

“What didn’t you tell her?”

“What makes you think I didn’t tell her everything?”

“Because I know you better than you think. You’ve got it in your head that you’re some kind of hero and I’ve seen you put yourself in harm’s way for the sake of others, especially Aurora. What I don’t see is you sharing the load. You want to be the one who takes every hit and you know you can’t take it. We can. Tell me the truth, the whole truth.”

I sighed heavily and prepared myself for what was to come. “Everything I said in there was true.” I wavered a moment, unsure if this was the right thing to do. I thought I had the strength to handle it on my own but what I almost did to Summer today proved that to be false. “But the orb isn’t just a repository of power. There…there is someone inside it. The orb is a prison, it houses the soul of someone powerful. He’s bonded his soul to mine…

“I can’t get away from him.”

~you can’t get away from me~

I shuddered at the sound of his voice in my head. He was taunting me, reveling in my misery and wringing every last drop of suffering he could out of me.

“Let me see the orb.” Sunny held out her hoof. I knew that tone, she wasn’t asking. I did as I was told and dropped the orb in her hoof. She held it close to her face, examining it from multiple angles. What seemed odd to me though was that the storm it usually contained was nowhere to be seen. It was calm. Just a dull pink orb. When I found it, the storm inside was raging and just now with Aurora the storm seemed to react to her presence…but now with Sunny it was completely gone? That had to mean something and it frightened me that I hadn’t the slightest clue what that was.

Sunny seemed to get an idea in her head as she turned and hurled the orb down the hallway where it clattered loudly to the floor. A few seconds later the sound of something rolling on the floor came from the darkness and the orb rolled to a stop at my hooves.

“Interesting. So this is what made you slaughter that zebra village.” Sunny mused out loud. I might have been crazy but she almost sounded relieved. “This doesn’t sound like something I can help you with, magic is sorely outside my area of expertise.”

I retrieved the orb in my magic and watched as the storm inside flared back to life with the same intensity as before.

“It’s bonded to you.” Sunny said aloud, seeing the proof now before her eyes. “Didn’t do that when I held it.”

“He said he’s been waiting for me. He knew I was coming and planted his seeds in my mind as soon as we got to Whinnyapolis. All for me…the perfect vessel.”

“Vessel for what?”

“I have no idea.”

~All good things to those who wait~

“I…I’m going to need your help Sunny. You saw what happened today. He’s stronger than me and he used my weakness to try and control me. I need you to watch me and stop me if you have to. Don’t…don’t let him use me.”

“I…I’ll do what I can Sparks.” Sunny knew what I was asking. If he took control again, if he used me like he did in the swamp…If I proved too dangerous…I trusted her to stop me. For good.

“Please…don’t tell anyone else.” I pleaded. “They…they wouldn’t understand.” I couldn’t let this information become known or else everything I’d worked for up until that point would be undone. The Author was right, if ponies knew the truth…I’d be ruined. “Promise me Sunny.” I had to stop whilst another coughing fit racked my body, the taste of blood reaching my tongue. I was on the verge of tears, begging my best friend to keep a secret that she knew would hurt me in the long run, but it had to be this way. I wiped the blood from my mouth and stared her in the eyes. “I want to hear you say it.”

Sunny was taken aback by the seriousness of what I was asking but, in the end, she nodded. “I promise.”

“Thank you.” I turned to head back to the main room and Sunny followed, helping me when she could along the way. Grim was seated at the table going through what he had in his medical boxes while Aurora sat on a cushion in the far corner of the room. It would take her some time to understand what she forced out of me, though it would definitely come slowly. She didn’t like when I put myself in harm’s way for her sake and this was no different, only now she knew that there was more at risk than my own bodily harm. Instead it was something much worse.

“Alright, I got what we came for. Let’s get what we need and head for the Academy.” For a split second it looked like things were going my way. While I didn’t feel good about avoiding my mother, it was a hurdle I didn’t have the strength to clear at the moment. That was when I noticed something was amiss. “Where’d Circuit go?” As soon as the words left my mouth my front door opened and the pony in question as well as my mother walked in.

“Thought she’d want to see you before you went.” Circuit shrugged as if she could care less and made her retreat. Leaving me to face down my mother in the doorway, tears in her eyes. She broke down instantly and practically tackled me with a hug.

“You weren’t supposed to be gone this long.” She whispered, barely choking back sobs. I couldn’t think of anything to say that would make her feel any better so I kept quiet and merely returned her hug as best I could. “I thought something terrible had happened to you.” It was clear to me that her worry had blinded her to my current state. A fact I was going to rectify.

“Well…” I started, releasing my hold on her. “Something did.” I looked down to where my leg should have been, prompting her to do the same. The color drained from her face when she realized what had happened.

“O-oh dear…This…this is ok, I can work with this.” She suddenly started pacing the room.

“Mom?” I tried in vain to figure out what was going through her head as she continued to mumble.

“M-maybe nopony will notice? Oh goodness what would your father say if he lived to see this?”

“Mom, I’ll be alright.”

“Maybe I can make some kind of prosthetic for you? Granted I don’t have much experience with such things and good wood is remarkably hard to come by, but perhaps-”

“MOM!”

“WHAT!?” She jumped like she had forgotten I was here.

“I’ll be alright. I can manage.” I had my friends there to help me if I needed it. I knew it would be hard to ask a parent not to worry, a fact I knew quite well by now, but the last thing I wanted was for her to be worried sick over me.

“A-alright darling…I-I’ll try.” Her face scrunched up again as she noticed the metal collar around my neck. “What is that…ugh horrendous thing around your neck?”

“It’s a…” I had two options on how to describe it, bomb collar or slave collar and neither option sounded good but one sounded less fatal. “Slave collar.”

“A…slave…collar.” She said back to me, almost like she couldn’t believe it. “And why on earth would you have one of those?”

“A lot happened after I killed Chestnut.”

“Ah…I see. So you got what you wanted then? Killed the killer, did you? Look what it got you. I hope it was worth it.” There was a slight edge to her voice. Mother had been against my revenge quest from the beginning and now that she saw me, probably thought I got exactly what I deserved. Yet there was relief in her voice as well, relief that I was done with that part of my life and came back alive, damaged but alive.

“I don’t regret a thing and I would do it again.” Vengeance had given me a purpose, a goal to work towards that eventually led me to where I am now. It wasn’t an easy road to travel, one that took its toll in blood but at the end I was still standing. Standing with difficulty but standing nonetheless.

“Well…so long as you’re happy.” It wasn’t an answer she was pleased with, one that likely disturbed her to a degree but this was sadly the way the world was now. I knew it to be hard and even unbelievable at times since we both grew up in the Stable but we had to adapt to it otherwise we might as well lay down and die.

“I’m not happy about it. It didn’t bring me the closure I wanted but it had to be done.” Regardless of the personal wrongs Chestnut had done me, he had to be stopped. By killing him I’d cut off the head of the raider army he was trying to build before it could ravage Baltimare.

“By killing him?” My mother raised an eyebrow, appalled that killing him was my first choice.

“Yes, what other options were there?”

“Far be it from me to tell you what to do Sparks, if you delight in killing then by all means, kill whoever you want.” It wasn’t like her to be this flippant, especially about something like this.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that there are other options. Not every problem has to be solved with a bullet.”

“Mom, he was a bad pony, he didn’t deserve anything else.”

“Why? Because he killed ponies? How many ponies have you killed Sparks? Are you a bad pony? I like to think you aren’t but why don’t you tell me. Are you a bad pony?” She poked a hoof into my chest, challenging me to defend my position.

“No…it’s not the same.”

“How so?”

“I don’t kill for fun! I do it to defend myself or others!”

“Even those who are simply doing the same against you?”

“What’s your point Mom? What are you so afraid of?”

“I don’t want you to become like them! Sure, you do it for good now but what happens when you do it so often you don’t even think about it? What happens when you kill somepony just because it’s more convenient than talking to them? Then what? Will you be a bad pony then? That’s not the son I know. That’s not the son I love. That’s not you Sparks. But it could be and that is what I’m afraid of.”

My mother, having said what she came here to say, turned and walked out of my house. Leaving me to question myself about my morality. How long could a hero call himself a hero before the body count caught up to him? Could you even call yourself a hero if you walked up to your knees in a river of blood? She had a point but it really only held true in an ideal world. A world that we certainly didn’t live in. Some folk in this wicked and cruel new world were beyond saving.

Even with all I knew and all I thought I knew; my mother was still right… in a way. I could, just as easily as anypony else, fall victim to the wasteland if pushed far enough. How much more could I take before that day came was the question. How much more suffering and pain could my body endure before I broke before the horrors of this tainted land I called home?

I had my friends and they were my beacons of light to bring me back. I had every assurance that they could keep me from straying but that was before the Author. Before my body had become a vessel for a being that may as well be the wasteland personified. His will ate at mine and made the barrier between me and the wasteland thinner every day. Maybe her fears weren’t unfounded after all. Especially now that I was weaker than ever, more susceptible to the invasive nature of the wasteland.

After standing there for a moment or so I eventually came back to myself and tried to refocus on the task at hoof. “C’mon everyone. We got a long way to go.” Without waiting I hobbled out my door and set on my new path to the Naval Academy. If there was any consolation to being so much slower than the rest of my group, it was that they could run and get all the supplies we would need and still beat me to the gates. Once we reached them and they squealed open, we set off towards our new destination.

After an hour of walking I spotted something I’d been hoping to see since we left Whinnyapolis. A Sprite-bot. I tried to shamble into its path but it just kept playing its music and diverted around me.

“Watcher!” I yelled after the robot, grabbing it in my magic and making it face me. “Watcher, I have questions! Answer me Watcher!” I shook the bot as if I might shake the music away.

“I don’t think he can hear you dad.” Aurora said, trotting to my side and poking me in the ribs.

“Not every bot is Watcher remember?” Grim said, approaching me from the other side. “Now why don’t we let the sprite-bot go and we-”

Grim was silenced when the music from the bot stopped. This time there was no popping or static, things I associated with Watcher’s presence. What came out of the bot was a voice, not a neutral metallic voice no, this one was distinctly male and it carried a kind of slick charisma.

“Friends, ponies, rejoice! Although the world about you is bleak, scarred and poisoned by the war of honorless, thoughtless, inferior ponies of the past, we do not have to live in the shadow of their greed and wickedness. Together, we can raise Equestria back to its former beauty! Together, we can build a new kingdom where all live together in perfect unity! It’s already happening, my good ponies. Already, the foundation for a new and wonderful age is being built. Yes, it’s hard work, but don’t we owe it to ourselves, and to future generations of ponies, to be better? No, to be the best we can possibly be? I’m telling you now, as your friend, as your leader, that we can. We must. And we WILL!”

Who…who the hell was that? Leader? What leader? Was there something going on in the greater wasteland that I didn’t know about? I was so shocked by what I had heard that I let go of the sprite-bot and just listened as the speech ended and the music replaced it, again without any pops.

“That can’t be good.” Sunny said, making her way to the rest of us. Her expression dropping to one I’d never seen on her. “If he’s broadcasting in Baltimare then that can only mean one thing. He’s setting up shop somewhere.”

“Who?” I asked, trusting in Sunny that she knew something about this pony.

“The Lord of Fillydelphia. Master Red Eye.”

Footnote: No level up.

Next Chapter: Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Dreamer Estimated time remaining: 12 Hours, 60 Minutes