I awoke the next morning halfway between panic and frustration. I’d spent the entire night dreaming about getting close to kissing Blackjack, only for her to slap me in the face and run away. I was cold, I still felt sticky from her stupid soda bath, and as I opened my eyes, my irritation grew.

Glitter was still curled up, her nose beneath her wing, the feathers lightly fluttering as she dozed. Blackjack and Bubblegum were nowhere to be seen, but for all I knew, she’d wandered off to do with him what she wouldn’t do with–.

I stood and made my way over to the stream. I dunked my face in the cool water, and felt my heart rate lower accordingly as my mammalian dive response kicked in.

What the hell was I thinking, trying to kiss Blackjack? I didn’t love her! I just thought I did because she was being nice to me! Great, now my brain was getting infected by her stupid, and here I was letting it! What the hell!

I came up for air, and punched the water with a forehoof. I was so angry. I didn’t want her to kiss me. I didn’t want to do anything with Blackjack! But my stupid, idiotic brain had decided to utterly betray me. Thank Luna Blackjack had told me to wait! What a horrible disaster that could have been! I could see it in my mind’s eye, me and Blackjack, our bodies together and-

I promptly threw up. I managed to have the forethought to aim for the shore and not contaminate the water supply, but moment after long moments of dry heaving and emptying my stomach made me feel yet more horrible. Tears ran down my face as my stomach calmed itself.

What the fuck was I thinking? I thought at I stared at the horrible mess I’d made. If you’d kissed her, you’d’ve had a panic attack. If you said you loved her, it would have been a lie. You can’t trust yourself. You’ll always screw it up. Good job, idiot.

“Did your mac and cheese go bad?” Glitter’s soft soprano voice asked from above me.

I shook my head. “No, just… didn’t feel well, Glitter,” I said evasively as I looked up at her. She looked back down at me with an expression that said ‘I don’t believe you.’ “Just… had a bad dream,” I admitted, splashing some water on my muzzle as I tried to clean myself up. I was a hot mess, I realised upon looking at my reflection in the water. My eyes were sunken, my waist seemed a bit too slim for even the wasteland, and I could probably count every rib if I tried.

“You need to eat more,” Glitter said, using her magic to scoop up some water and hold it at my head height. I gave her a grateful smile and used the offered water to wash my face and wings. “I could play your ribbits like they’re a xylophone.”

“I know, Glitter. I’ve been trying to remind myself to do that,” I replied, rubbing down the still-sticky feathers. “What is Bubblegum making for breakfast?” I asked, trying to change the subject off of me and onto food.

Glitter smiled. “Oh, he’s gonna make omelettes!” She exclaimed, fluttering her wings wide. “He says he knows how to make them with some yummy eggs he found. Or something like that. They sound fun!”

Omelettes did sound kinda good. “Well, hopefully they live up to your hopes, Glitter,” I said, looking up at her as I started to preen my wing. Ugh, it still tasted like carrots, or rather what passed for carrots in the mind of whichever Goddesses-damned moron it was that came up with Sparkle~Cola in the first place. I loathe that taste.

“Oh! I bet it will! Bubblegum is the nicest sweetest ever.” Glitter said with a sigh. She swooned and put her left forehoof to her forehead dramatically. “I never thought I’d ever find a stallion so nice and cute and sweet and tall! Mercy!”

Despite my present mood, I chuckled softly. “Have you named the foals yet?” I teased, going back to preening my wing.

“Oh silly, we haven’t known each other long enough for that! I have to let him take me to court, and then we get bathrobes and then Dry Clean Only can make me a pretty dress and Callie will probably cry when we get married. Then we can think about naming the foals!”

I shook my head as my brain parsed out that Glitter had meant ‘being courted and betrothed’. “So only then, huh?” I asked, fanning out my wing to try to dry the now unsticky primary feathers.

Glitter nodded sagely, then smiled dreamily. “He is very nice. And it was nice to get to know him last night. Even if we don’t know a lot about him, he seems like a really cool stallion. Hey! Maybe we all should share our stories while we walk! That might be a good way for us all to be friends!”

I froze mid preening of my right wing. I really, really didn’t want to share my story. Then again… “Hey Glitter? How about we have you and Bubblegum start? That way we don’t overwhelm Fish.”

“Oh, yeah! That way Fishie doesn’t feel all anxious and stuff. Good plan, Threnody!” She said, fluttering up the embankment. “Bubbles looks like he’s startin’ the oubliettes, so I’ll save some for you!”

I smiled as I watched her go, and finished preening my feathers. I felt like I was going to never get that rancid carrot taste out of my mouth. Now real carrots, those were great! Loved them! Crunchy and orange and just a little sweet. Sparkle~Colas on the other hoof… ugh. The carrot was too sweet, too artificial, and honestly, their rare cherry was just a superior flavour.

With my preening completed, my wings felt much better than they had the night before. I flutter-hopped up the embankment, and saw that Blackjack was back. She watched as Glitter Bomb chatted happily with Bubblegum as the stallion cooked up a rather sizeable omelette with his cast iron skillet that Glitter kindly held over the fire in her magic. Her eyes slid immediately to me, her expression steady as she just gazed at me with that small smile, not saying a word. I froze, trying to figure out how to work through the awkwardness of last night. Would Blackjack ask me about it in front of the other two? Oh Luna...

Then she gestured to the skillet. “Apparently the wildlife gets a little big in this part of the wasteland. We found a nest bigger than me. All of that is from one egg,” she said with a nod to the pan. That was it? Was she just going to hold it over me? Worst morning ever!

I shook myself, and trotted over to sit down next to Glitter. “One egg? Oh goodness. I hope the momma doesn’t come after us,” I sniffed toward the skillet, and my stomach growled. Well, I was feeling a little hungry this morning. As long as Blackjack didn’t friggin ruin the mood by saying anything. “So… where to now? After breakfast, I mean,” I said, looking at the three ponies I was starting to consider my friends.

Glitter just shrugged at me. Bubblegum gave me a look that said ‘I’m following you, boss, you tell me.’ Fuck, that meant I had to look at her. I slowly slid my eyes over to look at Blackjack, who still wore that goddess damned smile. Worse, my own emotions were such a mess that I couldn’t get a read off her!

Blackjack kept the stare for a moment, then pointed to the north. “That way.” That way? There was nothing that way but mountains and woods.

I cocked an ear to the side. “North? But… that’d lead us through the Cascadia Mountains, and by Mount Hoof,” I paused thoughtfully. Well, it did lead us away from Junction City, and I didn’t know where we’d end up once we got there. Past Mt. Hoof, my knowledge of geography got… fuzzy. There was something about a big river, and that Mt. Hoof was a volcano a long time ago, but… that was it. I knew that there were a few port cities around that area, but what they were like, I didn’t know. The Followers hadn’t made it that far. All I knew was that there was a thirteenth heartmender somewhere out there, but Luna only knew where she was.

“Are you sure you want us to go north?” I asked, swivelling my ears as I processed everything. Dammit, I really wish I could read her better than I was. It’d make it... easier.

“That’s the way the bottle pointed,” Blackjack said, as if the statement made perfect sense.

“Bottle?”

Bubblegum flushed. “She spun a bottle to pick a direction,” he said, as if suddenly not quite sure he wanted to come with the rest of us. I couldn’t blame him. Who navigates by a spun bottle?

Glitter perked up. “Is that kinda like that game where you spin the bottle and then give the pony it lands on kisses?”

“Sorta,” Blackjack answered with that easy smile, “Fate is my navigator.”

“You respun it four times,” Bubblegum pointed out.

“Well there’s no point going east, is there? We came from the Hoof,” she said with a slight flush. “And why would fate want us to go straight down? What, am I supposed to go to the zebralands or something?”

“She dropped the bottle and it stuck point down in the ground,” Bubblegum explained, as if looking for confirmation that Blackjack was a lunatic.

“What’s important,” Blackjack stressed, “Is that we have a direction. Unless you want to give the bottle a spin?” she asked, lifting an empty Sparkle~Cola bottle.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! I totally want to spin the bottle!” Glitter blurted, grinning at Bubblegum, who suddenly seemed far more interested in counting the bubbles forming in the omelette as he cooked it than my friend. He was lucky that his mane and coat helped hide blushes so well.

I pinned my ears back as I looked at her. She was doing this. Seriously? I shook my head to try to clear out my own feelings of frustration. “What the hell. Why not? Like I said, Bubblegum, if you come along, we can get you paid along the way. It’s not like I planned this out any better in the first place,” I admitted, taking the bottle from Blackjack.

I set the bottle down on its side, and took a deep breath. Fuck it. I was already committed to a new life of stupid decisions, why shouldn’t I trust my fate with a game of spin the bottle? At least I knew I wasn’t getting kissed in the end. I flicked the bottle with a hoof. Bubblegum and Glitter watched, wide eyed as the bottle spun and spun and spun… and slowed... and stopped spinning pointing directly at...

Blackjack. I immediately gave the bottle an angry flick, my cheeks burning as the bottle swung a few inches past her and came to a stop pointing north-ish. It was hard to be certain without a pipbuck map.

I closed my eyes and let out a long breath through my nose. Of course. Cause I needed this today. “So… we go north, I guess. Of all the dumb things I’ve let you talk me into, Blackjack…” I trailed off, realizing how I’d addressed her. Crap.

“It’s okay,” she said, reaching around and putting a foreleg around Bubbles. “We had a long talk this morning. It’s okay if you call me Blackjack, since I look so much like her. Right, Bubblegum?” she asked the stallion who looked quite uncomfortable in the headlock. Or could it have been because of the death glare that Glitter was giving Blackjack? “Now hurry up and eat. I have absolutely no frigging idea what’s in that direction. Kinda interested in finding out.”

Under the watchful eye of both Glitter and Blackjack, I actually ate a sizeable portion of the breakfast Bubblegum had made. Glitter had skipped eating, having soaked up a bit of radiation testing out bodies of water to try to wash me in the other day, and I honestly wasn’t sure whether Blackjack needed to eat. Did her new body mean she needed food? Or was it more of a habit for her? She ate a few bites, far less than me, but then just sat back and watched us.

Then we broke camp and started in the direction that fate directed us.

As we ambled our way north, we talked. Initially I’d tried to excuse myself from the conversation by flying above everypony, ostensibly to make sure we didn’t get ambushed, but Blackjack saw through that ploy, dragged me back down to earth with her magic, and threatened to tie my wings up if I tried that again. The scary thing was, I believed she’d do it!

“Know what you call a lone pegasus flying over the trees?” Blackjack had asked seriously. “A really easy target. Keep down in the tree cover.” Fortunately, she didn’t talk much after that, her eyes scanning our surroundings as we walked... at ease, but also with a pit of tension inside her.

Fortunately, Glitter was much more interested in talking at Bubblegum, so we walked behind the pair in relative silence. The woods were shifting from dead oaks to mixed brush and brown-needled pines and firs. There were mountains up ahead. Spike’s was the very last in the chain, barely visible through the clouds. Still, this was the way fate wanted us to go, right?

“So... know why I didn’t kiss you last night?” Blackjack asked, her voice oddly low so the others didn’t hear as we walked.

I nearly stumbled and fell at the question. I glared at her, my green eyes flinted jade. “Because you knew I was being stupid, and mistaking the fact that you made me feel safe for something more?” I hissed. “Go ahead, tell me how childish and dumb I am!”

Glitter looked back at us. “Blackjack? What’d you call Thren?” she asked, brows furrowed.

“Nothing. Tell him more about Dry Clean. Those are funny stories,” Blackjack said brightly. When Glitter resumed talking at Bubblegum, she murmured, “You really need to learn how to keep your voice down when you’re angry.”

“I can do it when I’m angry,” I hissed back, still glaring at her. “Your question just… look. Let’s be real. I knew you were going to ask me at some point and I was dreading it, okay?”

“Do you know how I started my relationship with Glory?” she said, her sharp gaze growing softer and more distant. Inside, the unstable emotions started to churn and react. Oof, those were poignant feelings if I could actually feel them through my chaotic haze of emotions. I just shook my head, not trusting myself to speak right now. “We’d just saved my stable. All the tension was gone. We took a shower together, and then we had sex. Just like that, we were a couple.” Her smile disappeared. “It didn’t mean to me what it meant to her.”

I nodded slowly. It bothered me that we were talking about her issues right now, but I felt like I needed to listen. “To her, she wanted more than just the sex?” I asked softly, trying to suss out what the problem was at heart. “Or did you want more?”

“To her, I was the pony that smashed through bulletproof glass to destroy the Enclave as their officers were melting off her cutie mark. I was the pony trying to make Flank and Chapel safer. I was the one that could be a hero, like her dad. But I wasn’t that pony, and we were a couple before we had that talk. Before we both knew what we were getting into.” She took a deep breath. “It hurt her. Badly. More than she ever admitted. More than she deserved.”

I frowned, unsure of what to do. I wanted to put my wing over her. But she also made me feel stupid. That just wouldn’t do. “I’m no expert on relationships, never having been in one, but my impression is that sometimes we jump into things before we’re ready, and we get hurt. I… can see why you wanted me to wait last night. I’m… really grateful for it, actually,” I admitted, her honesty with her own emotions making me want to reciprocate for once.

“I was this close to saying yes,” she said with a smile, holding a hoof an inch from her horn. “But... you’re not like Slate or Sandalwood, or anyone else I’ve been with since we left. You’re more, and I don’t want to hurt you like I hurt Glory. Nopony deserves that. I don’t want you to fall in love with me, and then get broken.”

“And I don’t want to hurt you,” I sighed softly, looking down at the dusty trail we walked upon. “I threw up this morning thinking about being with you. N-not because I think you’re gross or anything! Just… it felt wrong. And I knew just how awful I would have felt had I… kissed you and I didn’t want you to feel used.”

“Used? Me?” she grinned and then laughed. “Go ahead and use me if you want. If you’re ready. That’s no big deal. I just don’t want to be the mare that hurts you worse than you’ve already been hurt. I almost did that... before you told me what happened to you. Kicked myself plenty then. But I don’t want to do anything till you’re sure it's right.”

I looked up at her. “Blackjack. Do you ever think that maybe the fact that you’re okay with being used might be part of the problem? Cause it is a big deal. Nopony deserves to be used. No matter what they’ve done. Hell, I met Nails, the stallion that…” I couldn’t say it. “Even he doesn’t deserve to be used. What makes it okay for you?”

“Because I can take it,” she replied without missing a beat. “It’s what they need. And if I can pay that price so they don’t have to, then I pay it. Because I can.”

“That is the biggest load of brahmin shit I’ve ever heard,” I snapped back, still keeping my voice low. “Blackjack, you have it in your head that you owe the world a debt. A debt that can’t be paid. I don’t know where the hell it comes from, but Luna’s Lovely Ladylips, filly! You deserve much better than that!”

“I was a willing cog in machine devoted to using ponies in the worst ways imaginable. I killed foals younger than you. I gassed every friend I grew up with. I blew up slaves because I was cocky. I nearly beat Glory’s sister to death,” she said quietly, her emotions souring as we walked. “Don’t ever think you know what I deserve, Threnody. Not after I got the ponies I loved the most killed, or worse.”

My own emotions soured with hers. “Then what makes you so damned special that you think that dying didn’t at least partially erase some of that red in your ledger? Is it because you can’t forgive yourself? I know how that goes. Or are you like Ivy, and you masturbate to suffering?”

“Well then, by your logic all I need to do is keep dying till I can forgive myself. Great. I’ll keep it in mind,” she said with a snort.

I glared at her again. “That isn’t what I meant at all, Blackjack. And you know it.”

“You want to know what dying is like?” she asked, bristling. “It’s wonderful. It’s such a relief because it’s over. All the pain. All the misery. It’s just done. Dying was the best night of sleep I ever had. It was a rest I’d earned, but I didn’t care because I was at peace” she growled. “Only I woke up. Again. And again. And again. Do you want to know what that’s like?” she hissed. “What it’s like to open your eyes and realize that you have to keep going with the pain and misery? Would you like to feel that emotion, Thren?”

I stopped trotting and closed my eyes. I could feel the tears welling up along my eyelids. What Blackjack didn’t know – couldn’t have known – is that I did know what that emotion felt like. I’d felt it for about two weeks after the stallion I’d worked so hard to save killed himself in front of me.

“Do you know what it’s like for a heartmender to be connected to someone the moment they die?” I asked softly, looking back at her with pain evident on my muzzle. “I know how much relief that stallion felt when he killed himself in front of me. I know that desire for rest, for everything to just… stop. But then I had to keep working. Go to bed and wake up. Pretend it didn’t happen. Just like everything else. Don’t talk about it. Don’t say anything about it. Just go to sleep, but you’ll always have to wake up again.”

She was quiet a moment. “Then you do know. Good. Life’s suffering, punctuated by moments of wonderful and horrible. The one redeeming thing about it is that it ends. So I’m doing what you want. I’m alive, stuck in this clone, doing what you and the other Heartmenders want. Don’t tell me that dying absolved me of anything. I’ve got about ten thousand deaths to die before that slate’s clear.”

A thought struck me. “You’re envious of me, aren’t you?” I asked, guilt flooding the whole of my being. “Because… for everything, when I grow old and die, or if I’m shot and killed, it’s done. The end.” I felt the familiar warm trickle run down my snout, but I ignored it.

“No. I’m envious of Glory. I just wish that when I saved the world, it wouldn’t be too much to ask the universe that I’d get to spend it with her. And P-21. And Rampage. Lacunae...” she grit her teeth as a tear ran down her cheek, but she ignored it as well. “You’ve got a life to live, and yeah, it’s a little battered, but you haven’t fucked up big time yet. Done something you can’t forgive yourself for.”

I nodded as I started trotting after Glitter and Bubblegum again. Underneath it all, I sensed that what I’d said was true. She was envious of me. That I could figure out what happened after I died, or join… whoever I’d lost. No reason for me to mention that Heartmenders tended to die young because of stress. I wiped my bloody nose with a flick of my wing.

“I know you can’t forgive yourself for everything you’ve done, Blackjack. I’ll respect that. I just wish that I could find a way to help you, as a friend. Ease the burden a little bit. Even you deserve more kindness than you’ve gotten thus far from this stupid world,” I said as we trotted to keep up with the two lovebirds up ahead. Or, well, Glitter and a very awkwardly flirting Bubblegum.

“Most ponies do, Threnody. I just put myself at the back of the line. When everyone else gets their kindness, I’ll get mine,” she said matter of factly.

“Well, I’m not Fluttershy, so it’s not like I have an element of Harmony to try to give you kindness in spite of it all,” I said, a slight grin on my face. I hopped up to wrap my forelegs around her neck as I gave her a hug. “If I were an element, I would make you accept my lurv!” I teased, suddenly letting go and blushing furiously as I caught Bubblegum smirking back at Blackjack and I.

Then Blackjack stuck her tongue in my ear.

“Allowagh-Blackjack! Why did you do that!?

Glitter and Bubblegum laughed uproariously at my distress. Assholes. All of my friends are assholes.

…and I loved them to bits.

The next day we were deep in the pines, the mountains deceptively close beyond that carpet of trees. While the life was somewhat surprising, none of it was healthy. Yellowed patches of dead trees, and blackened scars of old forest fires littered the tight road that cut through the growth. We were approaching a barricade, a sky wagon crossing the road. A sign next to it read ‘Three Rivers, 1 km. Fold, 40 km.’ Fold? What, had somepony just been lazy when naming things?

“Okay, so Three Rivers I get, but who the hay names a town ‘the Fold’? Makes me think of-” Bubblegum cut himself off. “Erm. I mean, weird name,” he commented.

“What kind of fold were you thinking of, Bubbles~?” I teased, poking the earthpony’s strong shoulder. Oh… that was really firm...

Glitter Bomb levitated me away from him, putting me on the opposite side of her! “I don’t think this is the time for that.”

I pouted at Glitter, but accepted my movement. “Well, what kind of fold do you think he was talking about, Blackjack? Something fun?” I asked.

“I think we should worry about that barricade and whoever might be behind it,” she said as she levitated the shotgun and approached. “Times I miss my EFS,” she muttered and then called out. “Hey! Anyone there?”

A moment later a scraggly bearded stallion popped his head up, his eyes wide and bloodshot as he stared at the four of us. “Toll!” he screeched, fumbling with a rusty hunting rifle. “This is Timberjack territory! Ya gotsta pay a toll to the Kingdom of Fold!”

Oh good. Two days out and we were getting shaken down by locals. “What’s the toll?” I called out, stepping up next to Blackjack.

“Caps!” the brown stallion squalked. “As many as ya got! Fifty!” he said as he looked from one to the next. “And food! Whatever food you got. And all the herb you’re carrying! And...” he blinked his bleery eyes past us. “Rut me sidewise... is that Princess Luna?”

We all turned to look at Glitter Bomb, who grinned and waved at the stallion. “Hello Mr. Guardman. I’m afeared we don’t have your caps. Or food. Because we need the food. But we could give you some Sparkle~Cola!” She said, trying to take on a regal stance.

He licked his lips. “I’ll take some Sparkle~Cola,” he muttered, rising to his hooves and gesturing towards a little door on the far end of the sky wagon. Once through, I saw a few dozen old buildings, a motel and a spark recharge station, and a few shells with trees growing right up through the middle. Only the motel seemed inhabited anymore, and a quartet of stallions approached dressed in flannel. They didn’t look nearly as harmless as the scraggly sentry. I flicked my eyes to Blackjack as I looked over the much more intact looking shotguns that sat in their battlesaddles.

“Ey! What you doing there, Pine Sap! You got a toll?” the leader demanded as he approached.

Sap blinked and then turned to us. “You got the toll, right?” he mumbled.

Glitter Bomb levitated a quintet of Sparkle~Cola bottles over to Sap. “One bottle for each pony, right, Mr. Guard?”

But the leader wasn’t having any of it. “Caps! Now!” he barked. There was murderous impatience coming off him. I could feel it. He wanted us dead, before or after we paid.

“But Mr. Sap said the cola would be fine!” Glitter protested. I looked down at my left forehoof, trying to time how quickly I could draw my pistol and fire. Blackjack was giving the stallion a shooty look. Oh boy...

The leader didn’t answer Glitter, but his jaw worked just as Blackjack stepped in front of me. The double shotguns on his saddle roared, and blasted against the white shield she’d thrown up before us. The edges snapped off, flickering away in arcane flurries that made her grimace, but keeping me intact. “Glitter, Shield, Bubbles, throw!” She said as the four ponies spread out to fire around her protective magical arc. The scraggly stallion ducked behind his barricade and hid as buckshot that wasn’t absorbed by the shield peppered the hull of the skywagon behind us.

I froze, unable to move. They’d shot at us! Time seemed to slow down around me as I watched helplessly. Bubblegum already had his grenade rifle out, and a small explosion of sticky gum splattered over the ponies circling to the left. Glitter raised a great shield that encircled all of us, her horn sparking as she shot a bolt of magic through her shield toward the leader on the right.

The last charged forward, drawing a chainsaw from a sling as he bolted forward. He started it with a yank and swung it at Blackjack’s shield, the blade sparking against it and chewing off chunks of raw crystalised magic. The stallion Glitter had shot bled freely, hate and malice pouring from him like a river as he blasted her shield near point blank. The second pair were alternately firing and trying to get free of the sticky mass holding them in place, while Bubblegum worked with his hooves to reload his grenade rifle.

Blackjack disappeared, her shield vanishing with her in a flash and sent the chainsaw-wielding stallion almost on his face. Reappearing fifty feet away, a barrage of magic tore out of her horn, five bolts from the furious volley finding their marks and plunging into his flesh. The magic ripped through him with the force of a rifle shell, and I felt his rage bleed away... then... gone.

“Go ahead. Keep hiding behind your dumb freak,” one of the gummed pair taunted. “We’ll get free of your stupid gum and then-” But Bubblegum just set his lips in a firm line and fired a grenade up over Glitter’s bubble. The canister landed firmly in the mass of gum between them, and they sneered in contempt.

Then they were gone.

The explosion shattered Glitter’s shield, and did much the same to the pair. Only eight hooves, still adhered to the ancient asphalt by red-splattered pink, remained. The rest had been distributed in a chunky spray forty feet in diameter.

The leader hadn’t caught the full blast, but he was peppered with pieces of steel and pony, and still bleeding heavily from where Glitter had pierced him. Four to one, there was no way he could win. That didn’t matter. He wanted to kill us. All of us. A pure, undistilled hatred to annihilate us for daring to fight him. Blackjack pointed her shotgun at his rump, the buckshot ripping his hind legs to pieces. He sat hard, his hatred bleeding away to bewilderment as he looked back over his shoulder down that barrel of bodily destruction.

His head disappeared in a fan of lead.

Pine Sap, sitting behind us, cradling his rusty rifle, dropped it and thrust his forehooves into the air. “I give up!” he announced firmly, waving his hooves over his head in his earnest desire to prove his surrender.

I still couldn’t move. I’d never seen so much… so much death in quick succession. I stared wide eyed at Blackjack as she looked over at the entrance of the motel. We’d just killed four ponies! And they’d wanted to kill us! What the fuck was wrong with ponies!?

Glitter rubbed the base of her horn. “Ouch… that grenade really hurted, Bubblegum!”

“I’m sorry about your horn, Glitter, but it was better than letting them hurt you. They would have meant it,” He said, his pink eyes hard as he stared at the bloody spray. “I hate it when I have to switch rounds.” I tried to not roll my eyes as I felt waves of love shoot off of Glitter Bomb. Or maybe not love. Was that lust? Oh. Oh dear.

“It’s not over,” Blackjack announced. There were shouts at the motel, and the sound of a motor grinding to life. From the mouth of the motel stomped a mechanized pony. It looked like somepony had once seen a picture of power armor, and decided to slap together their own with welded together sheets of iron and a dozen spark batteries. It might have been ugly as sin, but it had a machine gun mounted on a swivel mount on his back, and a pair of buzz saw blades mounted on arms like pegasus wings. “Take cover!” she yelled, running away from us, trying to draw its attention as it trained its machine gun after her.

I shook myself. I needed to move. I had to move. I drew my small pistol and opened fire as I took to the air. Must protect Blackjack. Don’t get shot. Keep moving. Green bolts of disruption magic flew downrange, but the metal monster shrugged them off.

“Shit,” Bubblegum spat, then loaded another round. “Over here, fuckhead!” he shouted, charging toward a rusting tractor for cover. His grenade fired off with a thump, arcing overhead and exploding next to the metal pony. A few pieces of plate exploded off the power armour and staggered the suit, but the pony within remained untouched as he focussed down on Blackjack, bullets ripping through the air and sending dirt spraying as she darted about the battlefield.

A bullet whizzed past my ear as I looked down, realizing there were more than just the armoured pony spilling out of the old motel. A mare with a pristine-looking hunting rifle had me in her sights! I folded my wings in and dove, trying to shake her. No getting shot. No getting shot! Glitter’s magic flung a grenade at the riflemare, taking to the air as well, but she ducked behind cover before it went off.

Blackjack summoned that blade of light and closed in, and the buzz saws lashed out at her blindly, but effectively keeping her from slicing the armor. Still, she was close enough that the machine gun couldn’t swivel far enough to aim at her and instead came to bear on Bubblegum and Pine Sap. The younger pony tackled the scruffy bearded brown stallion to the ground as the machine gun chattered out a stream of rifle rounds. The marksmare was lining up another shot on me. I had to shoot first. I had to... to...

I couldn’t do it. I beat my wings as hard as I could, clawing for altitude. I needed to get higher. I couldn’t shoot her. She was trying to kill me, and I couldn’t shoot back. Then I felt it. A finger of fire almost casually punching straight through the muscle of my wing. For an instant I just hung there, and then I began to fall in a twisting, terminal spiral. My good wing struggled to slow my fall. To prevent me from smashing on that old road. It couldn’t. I was going to die...

Then a glow surrounded me and halted my fall. “I got you! I got you!” Glitter Bomb shouted as she soared up to catch me tears springing from her eyes as she cradled me close to her. “You... you...” she choked as she glared down at the mare. Magic seized her as well. “You big meanie!” Glitter roared, lifting the mare from the ground and flinging her into the air, then magically slamming her down. “Meanie!” Another slam. “Meanie!” Another. “Meanie! Meanie! Meanie! Meanie!” Before long, it was hard to tell that the bloody rag of meat and splintered bone Glitter was mashing into the asphalt with such glaring, incandescent rage had ever been a pony.

“Glitter!” I yelled, only able to interrupt her tantrum because my wing now felt as if it’d been filled with molten lead. “It’s over!”

The alicorn froze, eyes wide, tears on her cheeks. “Did... did I do a bad?” she whispered.

I shook my head. “You caught me. That… actually let’s land. I need a potion.” I said as tears welled in my eyes. The pain in my wing was taking my breath away, and I felt very, very cold.

I looked down to see… bodies. Bodies everywhere. Well, bodies and pieces of bodies. Bubblegum was picking his way through the dead. The cobbled together set of power armour sat motionless, the head of the armour completely gone. A veritable flood of blood flowed out from the battered chestpiece. My stomach heaved as Glitter set me down on the ground.

Blackjack limped up, her hide blackened and her leather barding now sporting a distinctly shrapnel-oriented motif and dribbling blood from from a few ragged holes. She ignored her own wounds, reaching into her saddlebag and withdrawing a potion. “Glitter, can you hold her wing straight while she heals? If we’re lucky, everything will set right.” She said, passing me the purple potion with her magic.

I drank it down slowly, fighting off the swimming dark trying to overtake my vision as Glitter straightened my wing. Nausea rolled through my frail frame at the pain. I really, really hoped I didn’t throw up the potion.

Bubblegum trotted up to Blackjack, his face covered in soot. A long, shallow cut ran down his left cheek, and it oozed slightly as he looked me over. “Oh shit, is she okay? I… think we got them all. Well, except for him.” he nodded back over his shoulder at the scraggy stallion.

Pine Sap sat, thrusting his hooves in the air. “I give up,” he repeated, then, as if not sure that was sufficient surrender, folded his forehooves behind his head. He pursed his lips a moment, then returned them to over his head, facing each of us in turn as he demonstrated to each his sincere surrender.

“Good,” Blackjack growled ominously. “Because I’ve got questions.”

“Look, Threnody is gonna put her hoof on you, just to make sure you aren’t lying,” Blackjack explained a few minutes later in the trashed motel lobby. The late residents were not the best housekeepers. Piles of trash, empty bottles of booze, and a dank, skunky smell of some kind of smoke lingered in the air all around us. Oh, and the novel scent of death, blood and ruptured bowels that wafted in from outside.

Pine Sap nodded as we sat him down at a decaying picnic table, but flinched when I delicately put a hoof on his.

“I’m a heartmender,” I explained, though the look he gave me told me he had no idea what I was talking about. “Think of me as a pegasus lie detector,”

“Look, fillies, I just live here. I didn’t have nothin’ to do with the lot ya’ll just pasted outside,” He rambled, his eyes darting from me to Blackjack and back.

“Bullshit,” I said at once as soon as I felt the slippery slidy evasion inside him. His bloodshot eyes popped wide as he stared at me. “I know when you’re lying. I can feel your thoughts,” I said with a tiny smirk, feeling a little thrill at the paranoia running through him right now. Okay, maybe interrogations were kinda fun!

“Whoa,” he whispered, a mix of fascination and fear bubbling up inside him. “Oh... okay. I was just the one taking the toll, ya know. That’s all. Didn’t like them guys no how,” he said, almost burning with his need not to get caught in a lie.

“Then why are you still here?” Blackjack asked, leaning in close to the scruffy stallion.

Pine Sap swallowed. “Cause it’s where I got my garden! In the basement o’ this motel, there’s a big garden of herb. Great stuff! Real relaxin’ to smoke! I didn’t want to leave that!”

I nodded to Blackjack, and she smirked. “So you’re here, even with those gangers, because it’s where your chems are?”

“Hey! It ain’t a chem! I ain’t never touched no Dash or nothin’ like that. My herb is all natural, created by Celestia and Luna themselves! I don’t even drink hooch!” I gave him a flat look. “Okay, well, maybe I drink a little hooch. But not a lot.” Another flat look. “Okay, maybe I’ve been known to imbibe a bit much on occasion, but that ain’t wrong, is it? I need it for my sleep!”

Blackjack put a hoof down on the table surface. Not loud, just firm enough to make Pine Sap jump. “Tell me about the Timberjacks,” She said, her voice somehow smooth as caramel, but sharp as shrapnel.

The scraggly stallion swallowed sharply. “They’re a new gang. Only been around for the past couple years. The took over folks growin’ herb, and now if you want herb, you gotta deal with the Jacks. Everypony in Fold’s gotta. Major burn.”

Blackjack and I shared a look at Sap’s priorities. “So are they raiders, gangers, or what?” Blackjack pressed.

“Well, they don’t eat people so... um... yeah?” he said as his free hoof ran through his mane. “They’d been a gang o’ bandits in the past, but weren’t till recent they done got themselves some shiny new gear,” He nodded toward Bubblegum, who was looking over one of the new looking hunting shotguns we’d salvaged from the dead. “Now, I ain’t what you’d call the brightest old coot ever done walked this fine nation’s soil, but I do know there ain’t many places you get guns like that. Least not this side of the Cascadias! Were I a bettin’ colt, which I ain’t-” He got another look from me. “Alright, I’m horrible with m’caps. But I’d be bettin’ that they got ‘em from the Rangers.”

“The Rangers?” Bubblegum asked, confused. “As in Applejack’s Rangers?”

Pine Sap shook his head. “Ain’t none too many of them Applejackers out here. Most o’ the Steel Rangers is still Steel Rangers. Small faction broke off, but they ain’t more than a dozen ponies, tops. Heard that they lost a lot of ponies in the fight when the Rangers broke up into two factions. Guess the northwesterners were a little less divided than other chapters or somethin’.” He looked to Blackjack. “If you wanted to meet them Applejackers, you’d find ‘em out by the Stormgate ruins, west ‘o Portlandia and the Hoove.”

Blackjack quirked a brow at him. “The Hoove?”

“You know, the Hoove! VanHoover? Shittiest town this side o’ the map? Think of it like Hoofington, but with only moderately less life suckin’ an’ incorrigible locals. Could make a tourist sayin’ for folks dumb enough t’ visit. ‘At Least we ain’t Hoofington!’”

Blackjack and I exchanged glances and chuckled. “Okay, so tell us about these Steel Rangers,” She purred, trotting around the picnic table.

Pine Sap spat on the ground beneath the table. “Assholes, the lot o’ ‘em. Always has been. Fuckers think they’s the coolest cats with their power armour and high powered weapons. Fuckin’ sellouts is what they is!”

“Sellouts?” Glitter asked as she lounged behind me. “What are they selling out of?”

Pine Sap gave my friend a confused look. “Huh? You been smokin’ my herb, Princess? Cause I mean sell out. Like they done sold their services to the fuckin’ Family!”

I looked over at Bubblegum as alarm blasted out of him. He stood and trotted over to the table, sitting down on his haunches. “They’re working with the Family?” He asked lowly.

“Who’s the Family?” Blackjack asked as Pine Sap nodded. I was curious too, considering just how worried Bubblegum was about this ‘Family.’ I can’t imagine the resolute periwinkle stallion spooked easily, and to see him so was very rapidly disturbing my calm.

“The Family’s a group of slavers, murderers, and extortionists who operate out of Seaddle.” Bubblegum said evenly, frowning. “Not your ordinary raider scum either. They’re some sort of unicorn supremacists. I don’t know the whole story, but apparently three Stables up in Seaddle tried to see about making one pony race superior to the other. The Pegasi left and joined the Enclave. Nopony’s heard from the Earth Ponies. But the Unicorns…”

Pine Sap shuddered. “They ain’t right. Story goes they’s the remnants of a Trotsvian Crime Family that somehow infiltrated Stable-tec. They was big into organized crime before the bombs blew everythin’ t’ pieces. Drugs, booze, prostitution, you name it, and it was illegal, they was into it.”

“Rumour also has it,” Bubblegum went on, “that they were a supplier for earth pony slaves in Fillydelphia,” he said, his expression grim. All of us exchanged uneasy glances. Even Glitter looked bothered by that idea. “Since Red Eye blew up, they’ve been making themselves their own little kingdom up in Cascadia."

Blackjack frowned, then glanced my way. “So why hasn’t this area started reforming like the New Canterlot Republic?” she asked.

Pine Sap pointed a hoof out toward the entrance of the motel. “That there’s the only road runs between here’n Portlandia. The other got so much damned radiation you’d be a ghoul fore ya crossed it. Rest’ve it’s mountains, and ain’t nopony wanna work through climbin’ over ‘em to get here,” He peered at us all. “Ya’ll ain’t from around here, is ya?”

We shook our heads. I removed my hoof from Pine Sap’s, and looked at Blackjack. “So… we’re heading into an untamed wild, full of gangers and mobsters,” I deadpanned. “I blame the bottle.”

She smirked back at me, her expression teasing, but her emotions chaotic under the surface. “Hey, you agreed with Fate and said we go north. It’s not my fault we went northwest!”

Bubblegum coughed. “I mean, I do have a compass. I wondered why we were heading this way instead of straight north, but I thought it was cause the bottle originally stopped at Blackjack,” he suggested helpfully. My cheeks burned as I looked away.

Blackjack trotted over to Bubblegum, then applied noogies to his head.

“Ack! Hey! Oww!”

“That’s what logical ponies get. Do you want that?” She asked, her eyes flashing with mirth. Beneath that mirth was a stormy sea of confusing feelings. Regret, wistfulness, care, and worry all crashing together to make a chaotic mess of rogue waves. At least she wasn’t crying.

Pine Sap cleared his throat. “Uh… if ya’ll want directions, we do have a map here at the motel,” He said, his anxiety flickering as our attention resettled upon him, gesturing with a hoof to a faded plastic yellow map with a raised relief.. “I mean, ya’ll did just take out the Timberjacks here. I do kinda owe ya for not killin’ me. ‘Specially since an old nag like m’self is better suited for runnin’ a store in my advanced age than guardin’. Plum idjits just said they wanted me to earn my herb.” He muttered.

“Well, to be fair, the lookout on the barricade is usually the first one to get killed,” Blackjack said with an even smile. We walked over and considered the map. From the topography, lines of mountains bisected the region from the rest of equestria, forming a W of sorts, with a large river cutting horizontally from east to west along the top. ‘Cascadia’ was written in the bottom corner. Fold was located in the middle of the eastern loop of mountains, just a few miles north of ‘Three Rivers’. A lot of sickly green marked ‘protected forest’, with little hamlets scattered across the area. The road continued north to someplace called ‘The Dulls’, which was only slightly less nonsensical than ‘Fold’. The western loop of mountains was flatter than the east, with a town called Springfield at the southern end of the Willamoose valley, a city north of that called White Salmon in the middle, and the largest right on the edge of the Wishpoosh... wait. Wishpoosh? Who names a river Wishpoosh? What did that even mean?

“I’m guessing this part of Equestria was kinda... you know... special during the war?” I asked.

“Wishpoosh?” Blackjack read aloud, her face pained.

“Oh!” Sap brightened. “That’s a, um... a deer word. Cervisomethin. They used to live all over here. You see a lot of funny names like that here and there. Most folks just call it the Equestrian River.” Oh. Yeah. There it was. So faded I could barely read ‘Equestrian River’. Right after ‘Wishpoosh.’

Wishpoosh...

With The Dulls... seriously, what was with that name?... on the east of the river, Portlandia was in the middle, with an enormous mountain between the two. Mount Hoof. Across from it was VanHoover, or the ‘Hoove’ as Sap put it. The river flowed west till it met the ocean. There the Equestrian river opened into the port town of Stormgate. And the map mentioned another city that sat below Stormgate. Stormshadow. Sounded rather evil to me. I gave up trying to make sense when I read one town was named ‘Ticklemoose.’ Tickling moose was where I drew the line!

“Well, aside from the fact that whoever named these places was clearly smoking some of Sap’s herb, that… actually is really helpful in explaining why it’s hard to get into the Equestrian Northwest!” I said, running my hoof over the mountains. Somepony had helpfully spray painted sections red, and labelled it with ‘ghouls only’ or ‘instant death’ or ‘hope you didn’t want to have kids cause the radiation here’ll melt your balls off.’ “Our only way north is to follow this road to Fold, then take this road through Sandy River to Portlandia.”

Blackjack quirked an eyebrow at me. “So...” she trailed off and then gave a wide smile. “What do you want to do now?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, cocking my head. Was she talking sex or... what? For once I wasn’t getting any smarmy sensations from her.

“I mean, where do you want to go? What do you want to do?” she asked. “You don’t have a stupid program in a pip buck telling you where to head next, so it’s really up to you.”

I stared at her. Why was she asking me? Why was I the one that had to make the calls? I mean… I looked to Glitter Bomb and Bubblegum. Both of them were looking at me expectantly.

Oh Goddesses. They thought I was the leader here!? “Whoa whoa whoa. Wait. Wait. You all are asking me what I want to do?” I asked incredulously. “And you’re like, okay with that?”

Glitter shrugged. “You are a smarty pants. You wouldn’t want to drop us in bad place.”

Bubblegum was even less helpful, as he merely grunted. So I turned back to Blackjack.

“You’re sure you want to follow my lead on this? Cause like, you’re the oldest here.” I said, frowning.

“Yeah, but I’m crazy. Ask any heartmender,” she said with that steady smile. Well, she did have me there... “I had good ponies following me and watching my back. Now I figure it’s fair to return the favor.” That was all smile and ease, but something about that made me leery.

I looked at her, then at Glitter Bomb and Bubblegum. For a moment a vast and terrible void opened up in me. I didn’t decide things. That was everyone else’s place. Sandalwood. Heartshine. Velvet. I’d always been told where to go, what to do, how to do it... always criticized if I put a hoof out of line. Now here every pony wanted me in that place? My breathing was heavy, my heart pounding. Three sets of eyes watched me in concern.

But Blackjack’s only held understanding of being where I was right now. My breathing steadied enough to actually think about what I actually wanted. The answer came as cool and clear as a mountain spring a second later. “I want to help the ponies in Fold.” I said hesitantly, new to this. “If the Timberjacks are as bad as Pine Sap says–”

“They is!” the scraggly stallion cut in.

“–Then I want to help them. I also want to go north because Velvet Remedy said there was a heartmender around here. I mean, I don’t know where. But maybe we could find her!” I said excitedly. Okay. I had options. I could choose the options! This was a good thing!

Unless I ended up killing all my friends.

I felt my ears droop. “Are you all sure you want to follow my lead? I mean, I used Blackjack’s crazy method to even get us up here,” I admitted, looking at the three of them in turn.

Glitter merely grinned at me.

Bubblegum shrugged. “Way I see it, if you weren’t going to pay me when we get to Junction City, at the very least, the guns we collected here will be worth the salvage,” He said with a soft smile. “That said, it’s kinda nice to do something with ponies who want to do more than just wander the roads to make caps for once.”

That left Blackjack. My jade eyes met her red. That smile. I wasn’t sure if it was the smile of an angel or a devil, but she was definitely leaving it up to me. “So... your orders, Captain?”

I let out a long suffering sigh. “Fine. We go to Fold. Let’s gather up the supplies we can carry. The rest,” I turned and looked at Pine Sap. “I think somepony might want to have at least something to offer any traders that come through here that isn’t herb.”

The scraggly stallion saluted, and I rolled my eyes.

“Blackjack, if everypony starts calling me Captain, I’m going to hit you.”

“Really? Because I’ll like it, Captain,” she answered. Oh. There were the smarmy feelings she’d been hiding. I tried my best to give her a grumpy look, despite the fact that, yet again, that look and the flirting was making my insides feel like butter. I really, really wasn’t sure I liked it.

Bubblegum managed to save me. “Hey Blackjack? Can you help me rig this shotgun to my battlesaddle? I figure I might as well have one gun operational, even if the other one doesn’t work right.” He said, lifting up the hunting shotgun.

“Uh, Glitter and I will go collect the other weapons from outside. Right Glitter?” I said, pulling on my friend’s foreleg with a wing before we darted out of the motel. A moment later, Glitter darted back into the doorway, eyes narrowed, pointed a hoof at her eyes, then jabbing it at Blackjack, then at Bubblegum, at Blackjack, at her own eyes, at Bubbles, and finished with a very decisive nod as she slipped back out again.

“You know missy, I’d think that little pegasus has a crush on you. If I were a bettin’ stallion. Which I ain’t-” I heard Pine Sap say as Glitter and I made our escape.

Oh for the love of Luna…

That night, Pine Sap showed us some of the rooms that weren’t horribly messy. Glitter and Bubblegum took Pine’s ‘Executive suite’ while Blackjack and I made do with a relatively dust-free corner room.

She watched me as I used the still functioning water talisman in the sink to wash my face. “Something I can help you with, Blackjack?” I asked, drying my face off with a wing.

She just smiled and shrugged, sprawled on a couch as she watched me. “There’s just something about fliers,” she murmured cryptically.

I looked over my shoulder back at her, then frowned as I followed her line of sight straight to my flanks. “Something about fliers, eh?” I asked, shaking my head. I really wished that the shower worked in here. I could use a bath. “Are you sure it’s fliers? Or do you just like looking at fillies’ rumps?” I shot back.

“I’m not picky, really. I do like yours though,” she answered, and shifted, propping her head up on a hoof. “What I’m trying to work out is do I like it because... well... cute butt? Do I like it because you? Or do I like it because it reminds me of Glory’s? What do you think, doctor?”

I turned and trotted over to the mattress. It was more or less ‘clean’, without too many suspicious stains, and was relatively dust free. I flopped down onto it, and rolled over onto my back. I stared at the ceiling as I answered her. “I think you’re dreaming, for one,” I said with a smirk. “Because there’s no way it reminds you of Glory’s. She looked like Rainbow Dash for a while, right? All the pictures of Rainbow I’ve seen gave the impression that she had flanks that could kill. Me? I’m… small. Hell, I’m smaller than Littlepip. And I’m skinny. So I don’t know why you like my butt. But it’s probably not because I’m like Glory.”

“Who says that’s not cute?” she replied as she slid off the couch and onto the bed. “There’s all kinds of cute. Big cute. Little cute. Ugly cute. Pretty cute. It’s the pony that makes them cute to me, not their body parts.” She sighed. “Everyone tells me Velvet Remedy is absolutely gorgeous, but I’ve never thought of her as cute. It’s just strange that way,” she said as she looked at me. “Funny. I’m having.... What’s it called... Deja something.”

I quirked an eyebrow at her. “Deja vu? That… weird Fancee phrase?” I asked, then shook my head. “I mean, not that I don’t like the compliment, Blackjack, but let’s be honest. Compared to Velvet or Grace or Sandalwood or, well, Glory, I’m a lumpy tato.”

“Last thing you are is lumpy,” she said, reaching over and poking my side. I squeaked at the sudden ticklish poke. “Have I told you about Pillow Talk?” I shook my head, rubbing my side with a wing. “She was the mare that taught me about sex. Said I was cute. I told her the exact same thing you told me. She told me, what I told you. There’s all different kinds of cute... well, she used beauty, but same idea. I didn’t believe her then either, so I understand if you don’t agree with me now.”

I rolled over onto my belly, and stretched out my aching right wing. It was still healing, and was a bit sore. “Well, I mean… I guess. I just don’t feel pretty,” I admitted, reaching up to take my ponytail out of my mane.

“It’s not pretty. It’s the idea that someone likes you. That someone wants to be with you. To do stuff with you. And it was pretty hard for me too. I was in security. Heck, my mom was head of security. Almost no one found me cute. But some did. I dunno. Maybe they were bored or liked dumb, incompetent mares...” she muttered with a smile and roll of her eyes. “Point is, it’s a simple compliment. Enjoy it. It means as little or as much as you decide it means.”

My cheeks flushed at her words, and I felt my face feeling really hot. Goddess Luna damn her! Why did she do this to me? Make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! I sighed, then crawled over and put my face against her side. “You’re just saying that because you think it’s funny to make me blush!”

“I’m saying it because it's true,” she answered. Then a pause. “And it’s funny...” Then added after a moment, “Also, you’re utterly adorable when you blush.”

“I am not cute!” I protested, lightly batting at her sides with a hoof. I leaned away from her and tried to give her my best grumpy pout. At least I think it was a grumpy pout. I really just knew that I’d been making some actual choices on my own today, and I kinda liked that control. But maybe not too much control. Not when she smelled nice. Even with the dust and dirt and sweat on her.

“Okay. Fine,” she teased as she lay there on her belly, resting her head on the yellowed pillow with a little smile. “You’re not cute,” she said in utterly insincere tones that even a non-heartmender would pick up on!

I found her smile to be utterly infuriating. And darling. And ARGH. Brain! Why! Why do you do this to me?! I rolled back onto my back. “Good! Now we’re clear. I’m not cute!” I said, crossing my forelegs over my chest and trying to take on a haughty look.

“Absolutely.”

“Not one little bit!” I squeaked!

“Mhmmm.”

“Cause I’m not!” I huffed.

All she did was lie there with that smile, utterly refuting every single protest I made with that simple little smile. My heart raced as I looked at that simple, soft, adorable smile. Nopony ever told me I was cute. Why was that stupid smile making me feel so butterfly-like inside?

“Hey Blackjack?”

“Hmmm?” she asked, opening one ruby eye to peer at me.

My heart thudded in my chest. Blackjack put me in charge. She said I could decide what to do. That was one of the best things I’d ever had happen to me. It made me...

It made me feel brave for once. My tongue danced inside my mouth as I fought for words. I wasn’t sure my question was a good idea or not, but I wanted to ask it anyway. Blackjack just kept on watching me with that one eye, a small smile on her muzzle.

“About last night. Um…?”

“Yes?” she asked, not moving an inch as she kept watching me.

Dammit. Things like this went much differently in my books. She was supposed to come over here and kiss me! Instead she was just laying there! Watching me! Like she knew something I didn’t! Argh! Was I doing this wrong? What was I doing wrong? Was I not the damsel in this story? Why didn’t anything make sense!?

I rolled over and faced away from her, my cheeks bright red. “I… nevermind.”

My brain was stupid. I was stupid. Everything about this situation was stupid. I didn’t love Blackjack. I was just… something. Something uncomfortable. Something that made my whole body hot. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but I wasn’t at all sure it was good, either. I didn’t like feeling like my body was in control of me. And why did my wings feel so stiff?

Argh, stupid Blackjack.

Author's Notes:

Edit 5/4/17 - Ack, sorry this chapter wasn't as 100% polished as it normally is. We got excited to post it and missed a lot of little details in the interim. >.<

Whoo! I nearly killed poor Bronode by getting this out so quickly, but he said it was fine. He's not dying. Hopefully. I want to thank Somber, OverKenzie, and especially Bro for helping me get this out and for keeping me motivated to keep writing!

Oh! And I do have a story to feature this week! This one is by my good friend volrathXP. I used to edit for him when he was writing Fallout Equestria: Starlight, and I preread for him for Fallout Equestria: Mending Hearts! He's a great guy, and both of these adventures are well worth the read! Plus, as an added bonus, Starlight is 100% complete! No having to wait for new chapters from him on that one! 100% guilt and worry free entertainment!

~Heartshine~