I only just barely managed to stop myself flouncing into the heartmender wing. Blackjack had talked to me! What’s more, is she’d opened up! It’d only been a little bit, but it was something! And this was only the first day I’d worked with her.

Sandalwood was right when she’d said that Blackjack wasn’t easy to work with. I’d really worried that I’d fucked up horribly after she’d teleported to the Luna Space Centre, but our talk on her return had filled me with renewed hope and happiness. I’m sure that I was a little ball of sunshine to Sandalwood and Slate when I opened the door to our portion of Star House.

A ball of sunshine that was quickly eclipsed by the sight of a cream coated, red maned batpony who was idly chatting with Sandalwood and Slate. The three adult ponies turned to look at me, and I felt myself freezing in place as I quickly tried to put up my emotional shields. I think Slate had felt my mood shift before I’d entered the room, because his smile quickly faded into an expression of concern as I blanked my emotional outlets. Sandalwood and Cinnamon Twist seemed merely nonplussed by the sudden void where my emotions had been.

“Is everything alright, Threnody?” Sandalwood asked, trotting toward the door.

I nodded, then shook myself and offered the older ponies what I hoped looked like a genuine smile. “Oh, yeah! Um, I just… finished up with Blackjack. We had a good talk and stuff. She wanted to see Slate, though. If that’s okay. Something about drinking less if he came to talk to her?”

Sandalwood and Slate exchanged glances, and the tension in the room ratcheted up just a few pegs. Huh. That was different. The moment quickly passed as Slate smiled and scooted around me. “Well, you must have done something good,” He offered as he made his way out the door. “That’s the first time in a few months she’s requested to talk to me. Usually I show up, and if she’s in the mood, she’s in the mood. If not, well, it’s a 50/50 shot as to whether or not I need to book it out of there.” The stallion lightly patted the top of my head. “Good work, little one!” He said before sauntering out the door.

I turned to watch Slate go, and as soon as he’d left the Heartmender wing’s porch, his saunter turned into the slow maunder of somepony walking to their execution. Regret clouded Slate’s bubbly mood, stormclouds brought on by the words of one little pegasus.

“Yes, a very good job, indeed,” Cinnamon said, following up Slate’s pats with a noogie that mussed up my mane that brought me back to the harsh reality that she was still here. I winced at the contact, and tried my best to not lay my ears back. Somehow her syrupy sweet voice always just… bothered me. “I was concerned as to how Blackjack would react to us bringing a filly on board. It seems my concerns, as well as Heartshine’s, were unfounded.”

Sandalwood rolled her eyes. “As I was telling you before Threnody got here, Cinnamon, I’m not worried about her being hurt by Blackjack. She’ll try to intimidate her, and scare her, and… well, probably seduce her,” She added with a frown. “But I doubt she’d do much more than levitate Threnody out of Star House if she was angry.”

I snorted. “Well, she’s already tried all four things. And half of those were on the first time I met her.” I paused, cocking my left ear to the side as I thought about it. “Actually, all four things when I first met her. Though at least she hasn’t tried to kiss me again.”

Cinnamon quirked an eyebrow at Sandalwood, who shook her head. “You and I both knew that was a risk,” the unicorn cautioned. “And Threnody seems to be able to handle Blackjack, even at her worst. Who knows, maybe she’s got some insight that we don’t.”

Cinnamon nodded thoughtfully, then purred in that silky cloying voice, “I know, I just want to make sure all of you are protected. The Heartmenders are just getting back to their full strength, and it’s a big wasteland out there. What with Willow Glen still being on the mend, and Heartshine with her administrative duties for the Followers, I’m just worried of what would happen to little Threnody. We can’t risk losing the littlest member of our team.” She said soothingly.

My eye twitched at ‘littlest member of the team.’ I knew that Slate called me little one, but… well, that was starting to grow on me. Plus I think he did it just to get my goat, so I could put up with it for now. But when Cinnamon said it, I just felt icky inside. Like I was the smallest pawn on her chessboard. The only problem was, I didn’t know what she was planning to do with me, and I wasn’t even sure we were playing chess.

Sandalwood must have sensed my irritation, as she cut in. “Well, I am planning on debriefing Threnody as soon as you’re done here. And yes, I will have my weekly reports sent out when the alicorns bring our stipends tomorrow.”

My ears perked up. Oh! Tomorrow was stipend day? “Which alicorns are bringing us our pay?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from sounding too overly excited at the prospect of pay day. Pay day meant I got a few caps for myself that I could spend on my own things! Like books!

Cinnamon’s forehead wrinkled in thought. “I believe that Dry Clean Only has been taking on the responsibility for making sure that the stipends for the Followers in the Commonwealth are distributed. Though don’t quote me on that. Sometimes Thimblestep helps her out as well.”

I felt my ears wiggling excitedly. “But… if it is Dry, does that mean that Glitter is with her?”

Cinnamon gave me a confused look. “Glitter-oh! Her charge.” Her hoof rubbed her temple as if in pain. “Yes. Most likely. I daresay that those two are nigh inseparable for the most part. Unless Glitter Bomb is spending the day with Caledonia in her clinic.”

I really hoped that Glitter Bomb was with Dry Clean tomorrow. Glitter was… unusual for an alicorn. She was really fun to talk to!

I turned to Sandalwood. “If I get done with Blackjack early, may I spend the afternoon with Glitter?” I asked, bringing to bear the cute eyes that had always worked on my mom when I wanted something. Which was actually a fairly rare occurrence in my childhood and likely why, to this day, it still worked on her. Goddess Luna bless her heart.

Sandalwood shook her head and chuckled at me. “Threnody, you do realise that you don’t need my permission to do anything, right? And I was going to talk to you about not seeing Blackjack for very long tomorrow. She does need some time to process, you know!” She explained patiently. “But yes, I think that giving yourself some time for some self care would be good. If that’s how you want to spend your day, you’re more than welcome to.”

Cinnamon smirked at me with an amused expression on her face. “Well, with that taken care of, I look forward to your report, Sandy.”

Again, there was that tension in the room that hadn’t been there just a moment ago. Sandalwood merely nodded, and Cinnamon gave me another one of her diabetes-inducing smiles. “Good luck, Threnody.” She said, trotting out the door. “You’ll need it~”

I frowned after Cinnamon’s retreating back, resisting the urge to stick my tongue out at her. I waited until the mare was safely out of earshot before closing the door. “Sandy?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow at Sandalwood.

The unicorn fixed me with a glare. “Not a word. I hate it when she calls me that. UGH!” Sandalwood stamped her hoof before brushing a bit of mane behind her ear and shaking her head. “What did you call her, social sandpaper? Sometimes I think you’re right! That mare is a pain in my flank.”

I laid my ears back as Sandalwood calmed herself. “Um, did… everything go okay with your meeting with her, though?” I asked, trotting over to the kitchen table and pulling up a chair. “I got the sense that something was going on, at least at how you and Slate felt when I said Blackjack wanted to see him.”

Sandalwood sighed, and took up the chair opposite me. “That’s… nothing you need to worry about, Threnody. Just something between Slate and I that I’m sorry you picked up on.”

Sorry I picked up on what? I wondered to myself. Oh! You aren’t happy that part of Blackjack’s treatment with Slate involves sex! The giddy 14 year old in me clapped her hooves together as I realised that my shipping of the older two heartmenders wasn’t that far off. Then I started to worry about the implications for Blackjack if Slate and Sandalwood did become a thing. How would Sandalwood deal with the fact that her lover was actively- oh… oh dear…

“In any case, how did things go with Blackjack? You seemed really excited when you came in.” Sandalwood asked, drawing me back out of my head.

“I… think it went well. She… I think she thinks I’m funny. Or weird. I don’t know. But I got her talking about Stable 99 and why she hates Sugar Apple Bombs.” I said, pulling the crumpled box out of my saddlebags. “Apparently P-21 thought they tasted like her mom’s vagina juices or something.”

Sandalwood was mid sip of tea when she sputtered. “Wait, what?! Mom’s vagina juices?” She blinked rapidly at me. “Oh! Right… P-21 would have ‘serviced’ her mother as well as Blackjack due to the institutionalized rape of stallions in Stable 99.” She frowned thoughtfully. “I wonder what led him to tell her that?”

I shrugged. “Blackjack really didn’t have an answer for that. Apparently this happened when the two of them were starting to finally make up a little. Though I got her to reflect on the fact that P-21 did make major changes in his life while he travelled with her.” I sighed. “She really did love him a lot, and I know that she blames herself really badly for his death.” I cocked my left ear to the side. “Has she ever talked about that with you or Slate? Or any of the other heartmenders.”

Sandalwood shook her head ‘no.’ “Never, at least, not that they’ve documented.” She smirked. “Mind you, Heartshot only made it two days here before he got frustrated that she was always drunk when he tried to work with her, so he likely didn’t get it out of her. But in all seriousness, Blackjack tends to only talk with me about surface things. She’s… always asking me about myself, and, of course, professional boundaries dictate that I share as little as possible.” She said with a soft sniff, though I couldn’t help but wonder why I felt a bit of frosty regret from her. Huh… that was weird. “But that is very good news you got her to talk a little. Excellent work, Threnody!”

I beamed back at her in return. “Well, hopefully that’s what Cinnamon wanted to hear! Maybe now things will be less complicated for us!” I said cheerfully.

Sandalwood’s ears drooped, and she sighed. “Threnody, this was just today. Just because she had a good day today, doesn’t mean that she’ll have a good day tomorrow. Things are… very complicated. Her situation, and the political realities of the Commonwealth are… problematic at best.” Sandalwood scrunched up her muzzle. “It isn’t enough that Minister Boing is doing her level best to destroy the legacy of Security, but the fact that she wants to start a trial in absentia doesn’t help either. Which makes me worried what would happen if Boing knew that Blackjack was still alive.”

I shuddered. “She’d lead a mob here, and not care who got in the way,” I said, trying to brush that thought away. That would make for a very interesting afternoon.

Sandalwood nodded in agreement. “Which is why we’re doing our level best to keep her a secret. Even from the ponies that are trying to help us keep her safe. Adding Princess Grace to our inner circle was a huge risk. Mind you, Grace supports Blackjack being rehabilitated. As I’m sure that Brutus and the Reapers would do. Brutus has mentioned on several occasions that, if she hadn’t died, she’d still be in the Top Ten. But… with Cinnamon having worked with Boing, the Heartmenders have a lot more pressure from a rather powerful political force.” She waved her hooves in front of her defensively. “I’m not saying that Cinnamon would break confidentiality, or that it’s her fault, but it is the reality. Because Minister Boing was healed by Cinnamon, that’s her connection to the Heartmenders. And because Cinnamon answers to Heartshine… well.” She shrugged. “I think we’re sort of screwed either way.”

That really was sort of the way of things. Because the Heartmenders were the only line of defense for the mental health of ponies in the wasteland, we often found ourselves embroiled in the political realities of the wasteland. Tartarus! It wasn’t just the Heartmenders, it was all of the Followers! Velvet Remedy was doing her level best to keep the peace between the NCR and the New Lunar Commonwealth. The NCR really wanted to add the NLC to its borders, just as strongly as the Commonwealth wanted to be firmly detached from NCR jurisdiction. The Followers of the Apocalypse, and the Heartmenders, by virtue of being part of the Followers, operated independent of both. We were that weird apolitical entity that tried to make sure both sides got along. Littlepip, Blackjack, and so many others had sacrificed far too much for another war to break out over something stupid like lines on a map.

And, honestly, wars had broken out in the wasteland over less.

It also didn’t make Sandalwood’s job any less stressful, nor did it make it any more fun to have what felt like 12 different ponies yelling different things at me about how to do my job. I was doing my motherbucking job! They just needed to shut up and do theirs!

“I wish that we could change the wasteland faster,” I said with a sigh, laying my head down on the table. “It’d make things easier if ponies weren’t constantly causing more trauma that we needed to fix.”

Sandalwood gave me a sympathetic look. “I know, Threnody. It would be nice, in a perfect world. But the wasteland isn’t perfect. So we get to just… make do with what we have. Even if it’s hard.”

I nodded in agreement. I couldn’t argue with that. “Well, I’m just glad that Blackjack’s day was made a little better,” I said with a soft smile.

Sandalwood smiled back. “That is a bit of good news,” Her eyes took on a suddenly distant look. “I just hope she isn’t too hard on Slate.”

I didn’t have anything I could really say to that.

I had nearly finished The Phantom Ship when Slate returned to the Heartmender wing. I started as he stuck his head in my room.

“I have to tell somepony this. And before I do, know that the reason I am telling you is all your fault. But somepony needs to know.” He said gravely, staring me down.

I lay my ears back. “O---k?” I asked, tensing up as I dreaded the answer.

Slate held his grave expression for a short moment as he trotted close to me. My ear wiggled expectantly at the heat of his muzzle and breath. “She tastes like saltwater taffy.” He whispered conspiratorially.

I blinked as his words worked their way through my head. It wound around my prefrontal cortex, until…

“OH SWEET LUNA WHY!?” I squeaked at him, my voice echoing in the house at my indignance. I did not need to know how Blackjack tasted!

Slate’s muzzle shifted into a broad grin. “You know why. And now you know~!” He teased, snickering.

A rather tragic accident occurred moments later. Somehow, by means unknown to me, Scootaloo managed to fling herself at Slate’s face. The stallion laughed as he picked up my thrown toy from the floor. “Ooh! Presents!” He said, nabbing the plushie and trotting down the hall.

I bolted from my bed after him. “SLAAAAAATE! BRING THAT BACK!” I cried, mussing up the sheets in my bed as I dashed down the hall.

Slate laughed as Sandalwood stuck her head of her room, giving the two of us a bemused expression as he tossed me Scootaloo. “Just a little bit of teasing.” He said with a grin. I caught Scootaloo between my hooves and hugged her close. Slate’s expression softened, and he got down on his belly. I pinned my ears back as I realised that even laying down he was taller than me, even as I stood up and tucked Scootaloo under my wing. “And I wanted to let you know that Blackjack did seem a lot better when I saw her.”

I wasn’t sure I liked him being this close to me, because at the moment he smelled of sweat and that really weird tangy smell I’d come to realise meant he’d had sex. “Well, I’m glad she was better.” I said, smiling softly.

He nodded. “And I figured you’d understand that I needed to tell somepony. Not like curlytail over there wants to hear about it!” Slate added with a wink at Sandalwood.

I didn’t want to hear about it either! And no, she just wants to take a ride on the Slate Train… I thought, smirking back at him. “Oh, I understand. Now, do we keep brain bleach here? I need some…”

Slate scrunched his muzzle and lifted a big hoof to lightly boop the tip of my nose. “No. No brain bleach for short heartmenders.” He said with a grin. “But you are in a safe enough place to vent about our client if you need to.”

I watched as Slate got to his hooves and offered Sandalwood a smile. The unicorn’s smile was rather forced, and that hoarfrost of regret settled lightly over both of them. Slate shook his head, looking down at me. “It’s been a long day. Goodnight Threnody. See you in the morning. Sandals,” he nodded to Sandalwood before slipping into his room and closing the door.

I watched Sandalwood gaze at his closed door for a few moments longer than necessary before she closed her own. Part of me wanted to make sure she was okay. Part of me was still processing what Slate had said to me. Part of me wished my various pieces of myself got along!

I retreated to my room, and curled up in bed, pulling Scootaloo close to my chest. Slate trusted me with a secret that he wouldn’t share with Sandalwood! That… hmm. I didn’t know how to feel about that. I knew I liked Slate. Since I’d met him, he’d been… comfortable. Safe. The reason I put up with him giving me light touches was because they were light, and because he’d noticed that I flinched if he touched too hard. That meant he was safe, right?

I wondered how he felt, carrying all the secrets like that about Blackjack. I mean, who would somepony talk to about that? Knowing intimate secrets about a pony, their tastes, their likes, where they wanted to be touched, the small little-

I cut the thought off before it got too uncomfortable. If I could place a name to the emotion I was feeling, it was happiness. Happiness that he felt that I was trustworthy enough to share a secret with. And that was kind of a nice feeling. I held that warm feeling close to my chest as I shut off my lamp, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

I really loved that shower. I don’t know who Sandalwood bribed or begged to get it installed, but it was literally the best thing in my life during these days in Chapel. Hot water running over me was the best. At least until somepony else wanted in.

“Threnody, you’ve been in there a half an hour already!” Sandalwood called, thumping her hoof against the door. I grumbled and grudgingly shut off my lovely flow of warm, and stepped out into the cool air of the rest of the bathroom.

“Fine! Fine! I’m done! Just need to dry off!” I called back. Stupid Sandalwood. Why didn’t she just use the shower in Star House? Wait… was there a shower in Star House? I knew the little filly’s room worked, but would a shower? I mulled over these thoughts as I rubbed the soft towel through my blonde mane and over my slim frame. Once I was dry enough, I slipped on my duster, and let Sandalwood take over the bathroom.

“Ugh, the mirror is covered in condensation!” She pouted, pointing at the medicine cabinet. “You’re as a bad as Slate!” She shut the door behind her, and the sounds of water hitting the metal shower basin echoed from the bathroom.

Slate shrugged at me as I wandered into the kitchen. “Seriously, she complains about me taking forever. I’m clean in like, 5 minutes flat.” He said with a chuckle. “I mean, how long does it take to soap up and rinse?”

I gave him a sheepish look. “I just like how it feels to have the warm water on me. It wakes me up.” I admitted, looking in the fridge to see if we had any brahmin milk to go with my Sugar Apple Bombs. They may taste like Blackjack’s mom, but dammit if I wasn’t going to enjoy every bite!

I must have scrunched my muzzle as the thought went through my head, because Slate started laughing. “Don’t think about it. Just enjoy your cereal,” he cautioned, taking a sip of his own glass of milk.

I giggled and joined him at the table, pouring out my cereal and milk into a waiting bowl. “I won’t think about it. I’ll just eat them. To spite her!”

Slate smiled. “Good. Though, not so sure about the spite part. But good that you’re enjoying them,” he took another bite of his toast, which looked like it’d been smeared with some sort of mutfruit preserves. “Ready for stipend day?” he asked, polishing off the toast quickly.

I nodded. “I mean, it’s never much.” I admitted. “Most of my stipend gets sent back to my mom.” If Slate replied immediately, it was lost in the crunching of my cereal. “What?”

“I asked why it went to your mother,” he repeated, frowning across the table at me. “Doesn’t she make enough money on her own?”

“Oh, she does. But she doesn’t think I’m responsible with caps, so she made arrangements with Heartshine and Cinnamon to have most of my pay sent back to her. You two get paid enough to buy equipment and things you need. She figured I just needed a little bit to pay for extra food. And… well, little else.” I explained.

The furrows on Slate’s forehead deepened. “But if she’s able to support herself, that means she’s getting a rather sizeable amount of caps from you. If I’m guessing on how much you actually get from her correctly.”

“Oh, I get to keep about 40 caps a stipend period,” I said with a shrug. “It’s enough to buy some snack cakes or cereal or, if I save, maybe something cute for me. I just-” The expression on Slate’s face gave me pause. “What?”

“Threnody, if she only gives you 40 caps, that means she’s getting 460 caps to herself every half a month,” he explained gravely. “That’s nearly a thousand caps a month extra on top of whatever she’s already making!”

I blinked at him. “Well, she only makes about 400 caps a month working as the secretary for the Mayor of Junction City. So… wouldn’t that be good for her?” I asked, genuinely confused.

Slate pursed his lips. “I… well, yes. But what about you? Your mom would be basically able to live the life of somepony in Tenpony Tower on that! You’re supposed to have those caps so you can spend it doing things you want, and for medical supplies in case, you know, the worst happens. Healing potions are expensive!”

Now it was my turn to frown at him. “Healing potions just stop the bleeding, Slate. Bandages do that just fine. And they’re cheap. Besides, what does it matter if I’m bleeding from empathic feedback if I have a healing potion or not? Odds are it’s not going to kill me. And I’ll scar regardless of how much it bleeds.”

Slate’s eyes flitted briefly to the duster on my back. “That’s not the point, Threnody,” he said quietly. “The point is that your mom is living way outside of her means, and you have very little of your own.”

“I have a few books!” I said defensively, my voice cracking into a slight squeak. How dare he say that! “And I have Scootaloo!”

“And have you seen what my room looks like? Or yours? I’m not saying you need hundreds of material possessions, not by a long shot. But you don’t have a gun, you have very few things of your own, and 80 caps a month on even little things like food isn’t very much to live off of, Threnody,” he explained calmly. “I just… I worry that you’re being taken advantage of.”

I froze, my eyes wide. No I wasn’t! There was no way I was! Mom would never do that! Mom didn’t do that! Sure she was stern, but she’d never take advantage of me. She needed that money for rent! She told me so every time I was able to talk to her on a broadcaster.

“I… thank you for your concern, Slate. Really! But you don’t need to worry. Mom needs that money, and I can make do. I don’t need things. I certainly don’t need a weapon.” I tried to sink down into my chair and make myself as small as possible. “I… you really don’t need to worry about me at all.”

Slate’s expression suggested that he’d likely continue worrying for some time. I looked down at my hooves, just so I didn’t have to look him in the eye. “I’m gonna go wait outside for Glitter Bomb,” I said, bolting toward the door, leaving my cereal largely untouched.

Slate didn’t chase after me when I shut the door behind me. Oh! He made me so mad! How dare he say things like that about my mom!? HOW DARE HE! I kicked a stone on the trail up to Star House hard enough to chip my hoof. RGH! Why this? Now I’d have to buff that out later, otherwise I’d feel like I was missing the front of my forehoof!

I stomped up the stairs to the big oak doors and let myself in. Maybe Blackjack had a hoof file I could borrow.

“Blackjack, are you awake?” I shouted up the stairs. “Can I stay here for a bit?”

There was no answer. It was never good when there wasn’t an answer from Blackjack.

I cautiously started ascending the stairs, stepping gingerly with my chipped hoof. “Blackjack?” I called out again, a bit softer this time. Wait… why was I being quiet? Blackjack wasn’t likely to try to kill me with her brain! And I already knew there wasn’t a cult living in the basement… Ugh, this place was too creepy...

Still no answer.

Reaching her door, I rapped on it with my good hoof. “Blackjack?” I called, hoping that maybe she was still asleep. Maybe Slate like, wore her out or something last night? Still no answer. Carefully I pushed the door open.

There lay Blackjack on the floor next to the tangled sheets of her bed. She reeked of semen and vomit; appropriate as she was glazed in one and was laying in a pool of the other. On her side... oh shit, was she breathing?!

I burst into the room, not caring what stepped in. “Blackjack!” I cried, shaking her roughly as I leaned an ear down to check her breath. Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead!

She was dead.

Then she turned her head and coughed, spraying my face with chunks of... I don’t want to know what. She collapsed on her side, opening one red eye to peer up at me. “Almost was there again,” she murmured, and then slowly pushed herself up on her hooves. She spat a mouthful of vileness out. “Morning,” she muttered, her voice low.

I couldn’t move. I had barf on my face. She wasn’t dead! But I had barf on my face! OH SWEET LUNA WHY!?

“ACK!” I said, wiping my forehooves at my face, only to smear some of the vomit from the floor onto my face. Several things happened simultaneously as my body reacted violently to having been thrown up on. First, I sneezed. Then I retched and felt sick myself. Welp, good thing I didn’t get a chance to eat all of my Sugar Apple B-larGH!

“That kind of morning for you too, eh?” Blackjack asked as I voided my stomach, levitating over a fifth of whiskey and sloshing around the amber fluid. “You should pace yourself more, kid. It takes time to drink at my level.” And down went the alcohol.

I whimpered softly as I rubbed my face on my duster. Goddess dammit, that was… oh goddesses I was covered in vomit. And Sandalwood would still be in the shower back at our wing! ARGH!

“I didn’t drink last night,” I rasped. “I got your vomit on my nose, and it made me throw up. Now I’m dirty. Again. I just showered this morning! Motherbucking stupid argh! Why did you drink so much that you threw up!? I thought you died!!”

Blackjack just watched me with this steady, amused smile. “You’re a lot like Glory,” she said quietly, as she tossed the bottle over next to a stack of empties. The part of my head that had cleaned the downstairs winced. Despite the smile, I could feel the pain that poured off her like radiation. Invisible, and so poisonous. How was she not weeping while hurting that much? “Come on,” she said as she started for the door.

I got to all fours and followed after her. Why was I following her? Blackjack was a madpony! She’d nearly died from drinking too much, and now I was following her. Good job, Threnody. This was your best plan ever. Why did you come over to Star House again? Oh… right. Slate was being a jerkface about your mom.

“Where are we going?” I asked, following her out of her room.

Blackjack just looked behind at me, a caked mess of vileness covering her from horn to hoof. She smiled though. Such a strange expression coming from the mare. “Does it matter?” she asked back as she walked down to the front door, levitating a wooden bucket and setting it on her rump before she opened the door and stepped out.

I blinked at her, following her out the doorway, the chip to my hoof long forgotten. “Um… kinda? Cause, well… don’t you want a bath? Cause you’re all… crunchy? And I’m covered in barf. Thanks for that.” I deadpanned.

She didn’t answer as she made her way down the hill towards the immense lake that filled the middle of the Hoof. Water fell in torrents through the broken dams that had once kept a reservoir of water back. “You’re pretty high strung for your age, aren’t you? She asked as she headed towards the shattered base of the dam. Only a chunk of Luna’s face was visible in the concrete. “I remember when I was your age, I was praying no one figured out I couldn’t do magic and that mom would outlive me.”

I lay my ears back at her remark. “I… sorta have to. I mean, I end up caring so nopony else has to. That’ll make you sorta high strung! Well… no, not high strung.” I looked at her and puffed out my cheeks. “I am not high strung!”

She stopped at the base of the old power house. Most of it had crumbled into the water when the dam had collapsed. The water roared down in sheets through the gap, filling the air with mist and rainbows. Blackjack dipped the bucket into the water with her magic and dumped it over her head. Then she repeated the process again. She tossed her mane, sending a sheet of filthy water fanning out as she cleaned herself off. Then she looked at me again, wet mane dripping, black and red stuck to her face. “You’re high strung,” she said quietly.

I pursed my lips, trying to make sure that I didn’t end up pouting. I probably was pouting. This was not helping my case! “How… how’s the water?” I asked, trying to change the subject. “Sandalwood was hogging the shower when I left the Heartmender Wing.”

“Yeah. She loves to sing in the shower,” Blackjack said softly and got another bucket. “It’s cold. It’s clean. It’s wet.” She said as she rubbed her coat to wash out the nastiness. “I like it here. I died here, after all.”

I opened my mouth to respond, then paused. I closed my eyes, listening to the roaring of the falls. Okay, I could see why she might like it. The sound and the remoteness of the power house’s location would make things kinda peaceful. Then my brain caught up with me. “Wait, how do you know that Sandalwood likes to sing in the shower?” Okay, of all the thoughts running through my brain, why did that one have to be the first that came to mind!? Argh...

“Probably because I was in the shower with her,” she replied as she levitated up another bucket of water and held it out to me. The water was so clear and clean that I could see huge chunks of the dam in the water below us, descending down into the depths of the almost perfectly round lake. A lake that likely mirrored the shape of my eyes at the present moment.

What.

She pursed her lips a moment, then dumped the bucket of water over my head.

What?

“Are you okay?” Blackjack asked as my mane dripped. She waved a hoof before my eyes. “Did I break you?”

“I have so many questions.” I said, shivering at the cold water. “First of all… WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME!?” I squeaked at her, pointing down at my soaked duster. “I could have at least taken this off! And second--”

I got a second bucket of water dumped on my head.

I huffed. “How… why… shower… what?” My coat was soaked. My duster was soaked. The chunks of gross were gone, but now my wet mane clung to my face. My ponytail was going to be a mess to try to get out later. I looked around to see if there was at least some place I could temporarily ditch my duster. The thick leather jacket was only making the water feel colder.

“Well, I could have undressed you but if I recall, you don’t like that. And you seemed like you needed a reset. Besides, you should be glad I only used water. My first impulse was to kiss you.” She said with a grin before she got a third bucket.

I sighed, and shimmied out of my duster, draping the wet garment on the boulders. I pinned my wings to my back, hoping that the spiderweb of scars that crisscrossed my hide wouldn’t catch her attention. “Okay. Dump away,” I said, resignation heavy in my voice. “But you didn’t answer why you showered with Sandalwood.”

She poured it over my body. “Probably because I had sex with Sandalwood,” she replied evenly. “She needed a reset too,” she said casually, finishing the impromptu shower so I was at least clean again. “What? Is that a problem?” she asked with a frown.

I wasn’t really sure how to answer that. Especially not since, at the moment, my surprise had my wings standing on end and I had bigger things to worry about than why my boss was, oh, I don’t know, SLEEPING WITH THE CLIENT! “Um…” I started, snapping my wings close against my back again. “That’s… er… we’re… unless you’re Slate? We’re not supposed to… do that with you.”

“But am I allowed to do it with you?” She asked as she laid down on the rock, folding her hooves under her. “Sometimes it’s fun when I get to be the therapist and they get to be the client, you know?” She asked as she stared at me evenly.

I trotted over to the rock my duster was on, and wiggled under the garment. At least under here I felt a little safer. “But… Heartshine says it’s not allowed. That it’s bad for heartmenders to do that unless their talent happens to allow them to do it. And no you’re not allowed to do it with me! You’re what? 25?” I asked incredulously. “I’m 14!”

She just stared at me a moment, the just shrugged. “In 99, fourteen was old enough to have been round the block at least once.” She just shrugged again. “I guess it’s not your age I see. You’re cute. You’re flustered. You’re tied up in knots. I’d like to make you feel really, really good. Some of that ‘no-strings attached’ sex that you were talking about before. It’s something I can do. Something that I like. And most ponies like it too under the right conditions.”

She stared in the direction of Star House. “Sandalwood was tied up in knots. She was doubting if she even was a Heartmender, and Cinnamon wasn’t making it any easier on her. She was failing with me and she was hurt. I helped her feel good. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t that into mares. I was there. I was willing. She needed me. The fact she was my therapist or whatever didn’t matter. I could help her, and so I did.” Blackjack paused, “I would rather you didn’t tell Cinnamon if you could help it. She’s way too much like some ponies I’ve wanted to shoot.”

“Gee, I wonder why…” I muttered. “Couldn’t be her gorgeous looks, or maybe it’s her absolutely winning personality!” I let the sarcasm flow. “But I won’t tell her. This… well, today is sort of ‘off record’ anyway. I was going to ask if you wanted to go into town with me because I think my friend is coming over. Though, now you’re telling me secrets about my boss, and telling me I should have sex. I don’t want to have sex. Even if you do taste like saltwater taffy.” I added with a huff.

Blackjack just smiled at me as her pain was suppressed by bubbly amusement and warm affection. “I’m not the only pony that talks,” she said with a chuckle, and then she gave another shrug. “If you don’t want to, then you don’t. If you think you shouldn’t, then you shouldn’t. I think that sex is good. I like it. Yeah, it went bad for me once... really bad... but I got through it. I didn’t let it spoil something in the wasteland that brings me joy.” She then narrowed her eyes. “So. Why don’t you? Just because your age?” she asked casually.

I froze. I didn’t really know what to tell her. I… really didn’t like the answer myself. And maybe, just maybe, if I stayed still enough, she’d get bored and leave, and I wouldn’t have to tell her. So I just stared at her awkwardly.

She lay there for almost a minute before she replied, “That bad, huh? Sorry.” She said as she rose and gave herself a shake. “Well, let’s go to town.”

I relaxed, then wriggled my hooves into my duster. I stood and followed after her, walking a half pace behind the mare. “I… sorry.” I said lamely. I didn’t know what to say, really.

“For what?” Blackjack asked as she looked back at me, a smile on her face, but her eyes held a measure of gentleness.

For declining her? For being hurt? For being weak? For being hurt in the first place? For not being able to talk about it? What did I have to be sorry for?

I guess that I really didn’t have anything to say about it. Nor did I have anything to be sorry for. “I…” I started again, then frowned. Luna fuck me with the moon. Who just was the therapist here? “It’s nothing. I just feel badly when I do that and give somepony that look when my mouth decides it doesn’t want to work.”

“Well, don’t worry about it,” she said as she trotted ahead of me. “It took Sandalwood a few weeks too before I was in the shower with her. And look at us. Three days and already we’re washing together.” She gave me another look back. “I’ll find out eventually. Should be interesting when we talk about it.”

My ears wilted and my wings drooped. “I’m 14. And you dumped buckets of water on my head. We. Did not. Shower. Together!” I squeaked. “Did I mention I’m 14!?”

“So it’d be okay if you were 15?” she asked as she walked on.

“Not particularly,” I said, following after her. “I just am reminding you that in some polite societies I’m what is referred to as jailbait,” I looked down at my petite, lanky frame. “Heck, in some places, ponies still think I’m a filly!”

“You are a pony who’s 14. If you are a pony who wants to have sex, great. If you don’t, also great. Your age doesn’t magically make you want it or not want it. That’s biology,” she said matter of factly, and then added, “Bear in mind that I learned all of this from a stable that was essentially a sexual nightmare, but the logic seems sound to me.”

I scrunched up my muzzle as we crested the hill that led up to Star House. “Not to me,” I admitted, then gasped at the sight of the two alicorns talking to Sandalwood and Slate. “Glitter Bomb!” I shrieked, taking wing and dashing toward the big purple mare.

The alicorns and the heartmenders turned to watch me rocket across what had been Star House’s lawn, only to collide with the purple one, giving her as big a hug as I could manage.

Glitter Bomb squealed like an excited filly, wrapping her wings around me. “Thren!” She said excitedly. “I was hoping I’d get to see you!”

Slate and Sandalwood exchanged confused looks as Dry Clean Only chuckled. “Good to see you again, Threnody,” The mare said softly. “Caledonia wondered if you might not be here.”

I smiled back at the blue mare around Glitter’s feathers. “I was just hoping you’d be bringing Glitter with you!”

“Of course she’d bring me with her! I’m like, her number one assistant!” Glitter Bomb said with an excited grin. “Isn’t that right, Dry?”

Dry rubbed her forehead near the base of her horn. “Um, yes. Of course Glitter. Best assistant.” She looked down the way toward Blackjack standing near where I’d launched myself from. “Is that Miss Go Fish?” Dry Clean asked, turning to face Sandalwood.

‘Go Fish?’ I mouthed at Sandalwood, then remembered Cinnamon’s assessment. Go Fish had been Blackjack’s real name!

Sandalwood nodded, which caused Glitter Bomb to drop me. The big purple mare reared up on her hind legs and waved at Blackjack. “Hi Fishie!”

Blackjack stood there a moment with a tiny frown, her head cocked as she stared at all of us. Somehow, the sight of an alicorn reared up on her hind legs, waving and grinning like an idiot didn’t seem to baffle her in the slightest. The small smile returned, but I could feel the stew of emotions churning behind that expression. Sweet Happiness. Bubbly amusement. But also salty envy and bitter jealousy. And, as always, pain. She trotted up, her smile a practiced mask as she looked up at the large mare. “Hello Dry Clean Only.” Then she looked over at the other. “Glitter Bomb.”

And then I felt it. Hate. Like boiling flamer fuel. It was burning up inside her, pressuring, barely contained despite that calm, serene smile. The kind of hate that wanted to blow a pony’s head off just by thinking about it. Not a hint could be seen behind that placid smile, but in that moment, I was sure she was going to kill my best friend!

“Go Fish, Glitter and I were going to ask if you wanted to come with us into Chapel,” I said slowly and evenly. “Glitter, maybe you should show Go Fish your impression of the Goddess. It always seems to make the other alicorns laugh.”

Glitter Bomb giggled, and then took on a pompous expression. But what came out of her mouth, was far from pompous at all. “My children, I… SHUT UP GLITTER BOMB. You are always thinking too loud! Why do you always think, Glitter Bomb? I made you to not think! I’m cutting you out of Unity! I’m the Goddess and I’m stoopid!” She said, her voice slightly husky as she tried to make herself sound as unintelligent as possible. She finished by sticking out her tongue and crossing her eyes as she looked at Blackjack.

Please don’t kill my friend… I silently pleaded.

If anything, the mix turned even more toxic and bitter. I was certain that at any second she was going to do her magic bullet thing and blow Glitter’s head off. She grit her teeth and narrowed her eyes. “Funny,” she said, her voice dropping a little. “Goddess told me I was too dumb for Unity too. Then she took me anyway, and nearly made me kill the Lightbringer. Then...” and she clenched her eyes shut, tears starting down her cheeks. “Then!” And with that, there was a flash of magic and she disappeared from sight.

“Oh for the love of...” Sandalwood immediately checked her pipbuck. “She’s at the old Hoofington Museum. Can you find her?” She asked Slate.

He nodded, “Sure. It’s just a blown up foundation. Should be able to talk her back. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always plan B.”

Sandalwood yet again looked like she didn’t like the sound of Plan B. Glitter Bomb looked like she was going to cry.

“But… everypony says that’s funny… because the Goddess was dumb…” She said with a pout. I reached up and lightly patted her shoulder.

“Um… Slate? Do you want me and Glitter to go get her?” I asked. “I know I don’t have a pipbuck, but if you could tell us where it is, we could try to bring her back.”

Sandalwood rubbed her chin. “I’m not sure that’s a good id-”

Glitter Bomb interrupted, nodding in vehement agreement with me. “I want to tell the fishie I’m sorry.”

“She’s not a fishie, Glitter,” Dry Clean chided gently.

“Miss Fishie.”

“...Close enough.”

Sandalwood and Slate exchanged looks. “You’ve had more success with her than either of us. Do you think you can talk her down, Threnody?” Sandalwood asked, showing me the map of the area.

I nodded. “And I figure that we’ll be safe. Right Glitter?” I asked, looking up at my friend.

The purple alicorn nodded her head. “Yeppers! Right as rain!” She said with a smile.

Dry Clean Only looked concerned. “Glitter, I just want you to be on your best behaviour. I know that you and Miss Caledonia just talked about mares and stallions, but that doesn’t mean you need to go and try to figure out how it works in real life.”

What. Oh… oh dear. Why did somepony explain that to her? WHY IS EVERYONE’S MIND ON SEX!?

I mooshed Glitter Bomb’s face between my forehooves. “Glitter is too innocent and pure to ever want to do icky things with boys, right?” I asked, looking my friend in the eye. Glitter wore the most unconvincingly innocent smile I'd ever seen. Sandalwood merely coughed into her hoof as Slate chuckled.

“Think you can keep yourselves out of trouble?” He asked, smirking at me. “Go Fish, colts, or otherwise?”

I frowned at him, laying my ears back. “Yes, Slate. We will go find her, and we’ll bring her back. And not get any weird diseases along the way.” I promised.

Glitter Bomb looked absolutely puzzled. “Wait, colts can give you diseases?!”

… It was going to be a very long walk…

“Oh my goddess Luna, Glitter Bomb, I get it! You’re tall! It’s hard to find colts your height! UGH!” I shrieked as Glitter began to angst about it for the fourth time since we’d started walking. I mean, I knew that, developmentally speaking, the alicorn was my age. Sort of. I just wished she hadn’t picked up boy-crazy while we were apart.

“But… but Threnody!” She whined. “How am I supposed to find a stallion that is as big as me?!” She asked with a pout. “The only one I know is Paladin Stronghoof, and he’s very attached to Psalm. She’s his princess! And princesses are special. I’m… just Glitter-y.”

I sighed. “No, Glitter, you are special. But you haven’t met that special somepony yet. I mean, what do you even want in a stallion?” I asked, figuring I might as well get it out of her.

“I’d like him to be purple.”

“And…?”

“Tall.”

“...And…?”

“Purple?”

I smacked my hoof against my forehead. “Um, Glitter, your list of what you want in a stallion is a bit um…?”

“Perfect? Dreamy? Purple? The best thing ever?!” She asked excitedly.

“Yeah… let’s… go with that.” I said as we approached a large ruin almost due north of Chapel. We’d passed a train tunnel that led down into a dark, murky shaft filled with cold water, but something had blinked down in those depths. I remembered a famous saying in the Hoof: Never go down. The building we approached had once been an impressive two story structure, but something had blown it apart. Only one wall remained standing. The rest had collapsed in a heap. In the centre, I could see the brown bones of a dragon, untouched by whatever had ruined the structure. Its claws were missing.

Then, on the loading dock behind the building sat Blackjack. She stared off into a gap between two trees, head tilted, spattered in blood. Two enormous mutated bear corpses lay next to her, their heads reduced to so many chunks of gory bone.

“Whoa! Are you some kind of ninja, Fishie?” Glitter Bomb called out before I could shush her. “You got two yao guai all by yourself! That’s amazing! I couldn’t do that!” I grabbed onto Glitter Bomb’s tail and tugged her back toward me. Well, I tried to. What really happened was that my overly enthusiastic friend dragged me across the remains of the museum’s parking lot.

I released Glitter’s tail and flew over to land a few feet from Blackjack. “Blackjack?” I asked softly, low enough that Glitter couldn’t hear me call her that. “Are… you okay?” I started to dig through my saddlebags for the bandages I always carried on me.

She just looked at me, and in her eyes was a reminder that that was a stupid question. Then she returned her gaze to the split in the trees. “I’m fine. The blood is all theirs,” she said quietly. “Wasn’t that hard, really. Didn’t even need S.A.T.S.” She said as she sat, and I was left to sift through the toxic mat of emotions. It was like somepony had dumped a paint store of emotions in her and I could barely sort out what was what.

I frowned, then pulled out a clean rag and reached across to wipe a bit of blood from her side. As promised, it didn't reveal any oozing cuts or lacerations. “What… happened?” I asked as Glitter Bomb approached us. Some wisdom must have stopped her about 10 feet from where the two of us sat.

“I’m really sorry if I upset you by saying the Goddess was dumb,” Glitter said, laying her ears back and settling down on her belly, tucking her forelegs under herself.

“It’s not that,” she said as she gestured to the trees. “That’s where I first saw Lacunae. It was raining, and I couldn’t see her very well. I thought she was Princess Luna or something.” She closed her eyes. “I saw you and I had very mean thoughts, Glitter Bomb. I’m sorry for that. I should have done better,” she said hollowly.

Glitter Bomb paused, then cocked her head to the side. “You knew Lacunae?” She asked, wiggling an ear. “She was very nice. The Goddess was really mean to her, but I mean, at least she didn’t like, yell at her. She just made us give Lacunae all our hurts. I had to give her my memories of my mommy.” She said with a sigh. “I don’t know anything about her. I just… remember she worked a lot. That’s why I was in Maripony when everything went all BOOOM!” She said, making a mushroom cloud with her magic.

“Glitter Bomb was a filly when she joined Unity,” I explained. “That’s why she’s… well, big, but mentally my age.”

“I know,” Blackjack said. “I was in Unity. I remember Glitter Bomb. I remember so many others that I’ve never met since then.” She said as she closed her eyes. “It didn’t matter after the Goddess died because I never had a chance to catch up... but I remember. And lots of them remember ‘Go Fish’, the one that made the Goddess so mad.” She just shook her head. “I never thought about it till I had time to think about it.”

Glitter Bomb pouted at Blackjack. “That’s no fair that you remember! All the other ponies remember me, too! I just remember the Goddess. And her being worried about the Grande Pegasus Enchilada.”

“Grand Pegasus Enclave, Glitter.” I corrected her.

“Yeah, that! I mean… I don’t even remember Dry Clean Only’s name! She doesn’t remember her name! It was just written in her hat!” Glitter explained.

Blackjack actually smiled a little. “When Unity collapsed, there wasn’t much time for the Goddess to put everything back right. Some minds ended up in the wrong bodies, or lost all together.” She closed her eyes. “Lacunae had tens of thousands of memories trapped inside her. She gave them all back, even though it cost her her existence.” She sniffed as tears ran down her cheek, as she looked at Glitter. “My friend died so that the other alicorns could be free.”

Glitter’s ears drooped and the purple mare started to cry. “I’m sorry, Fishie! I didn’t know that! I just knew I woke up and I could remember my name and stuff!” She sniffed, wiping her eyes with a hoof. “I would have been okay not knowing and been given a pretty name like Orange Blossom or Tater Tot if it meant your friend was okay.”

I fluttered over to Glitter’s side and lightly laid a wing over her back. As much of her back as I could reach, anyway. Then Blackjack moved as well. Faster than I expected, she reached out and wrapped her hooves around Gitter’s neck, letting out a little sob as she hugged her tight. “I miss her so much, Glitter!” she cried in her neck. “She said she wasn’t ever a pony, but she was. She was!” she repeated as she blubbered.

The collected waves of Glitter and Blackjack’s grief washed over me, and I started crying too. Crying for all the ponies who’d been lost. Crying for Blackjack. Crying for Glitter. Crying for me. I hated grief. It was a terrible storm that nopony could escape.

But at the same time, as we were all wrapped up in each other’s embrace, we weathered it together. Slowly but surely Glitter’s ebbed, and she wrapped a wing around Blackjack and I. Blackjack’s grief, as potent as it was, slowly drained away as well and with it the pressure of those toxic emotions released too. After ten minutes of snotty sniffles, sobs, and ‘I’m sorry’s’, the tears finally abated. “Oh, wow. If my enemies could see me now. Big, bad, Blackjack blubbering like a foal.” She released Glitter and wiped her eyes. “Thanks. I feel better. Crying is puking for the soul.”

For some reason, that line just killed me, and I started laughing uproariously. “I’d rather you cry on me than puke on me again, Blackjack!”

Glitter Bomb seemed to miss the name change that Blackjack and I had slipped up on, and giggled herself. “Barf is gross. Crying is better. Eye vomit is easier to clean up.” She said sagely.

“Yeah, you’re right there,” Blackjack said as she smiled, and for the first time I had a glimpse at the mare that so many admired. A glow of new strength seemed to peek through, no longer covered by the morass of her angst. “Now, why don’t we head into Chapel and see if there’s any fun to be had, huh?”

“Oh! Yeah! I brought your stipend along, Threnody!” Glitter Bomb said, levitating a small bag of caps out of her saddle bags. “Snack cakes?” She asked.

Blackjack and I exchanged glances, then nodded. “Snack cakes.”

Author's Notes:

Whoo! Another chapter done! This one came out a lot faster than I thought it was going to! Hopefully things are moving fast enough for everyone! I really have been loving working on this piece!

Thanks, as always, to Kkat for creating this beautiful world, and to Somber, Bronode, and Solis for their help!