There is a certain nobility in lying in bed all day pretending things aren't the way they are. Or so I told myself on my eighth day of doing so in Stable 9. Alas, when some malicious bastard decided to rudely open my door – interrupting the beautifully depressing gloom of brooding I’d fostered with the searing glare of the Stable's day lighting – I was less than enthused by the visit.

“Go away!” I ordered, desperately burying myself in the tenebrific shadows of my borrowed blanket and pillow.

“Come on, Threnody. You’re not the only pony with issues. Don’t you want to come fix someone?” Bubblegum’s grating tenor called from the doorway.

“No! I don’t! Go away, Bubblegum!” I shouted back, significantly muffled by the blessedly thick blanket over my head.

“Moooooooom~” Bubblegum whined. “She’s being all angsty and mopey again!”

“Again?” the soft mezzo-soprano of Rhiannon’s voice lilted in through the open door.

I realised I had a choice to make. I could either let Bubblegum enumerate all of my dark secrets to the heartmender I’d been avoiding for the past week, or I could suck it up and deal with my crap. I decided that I’d rather not have Bubblegum garble an attempt to explain my own stupid. I stuck my head out from beneath the safety of my blanket.

“Bubblegum, shut up. Fine! I’m coming out!” I groaned, completing a few rounds of depression yoga in the process. I flopped to one side, then to the other, then gracelessly fell off of the bed. I eventually used my hind legs to scoot on my chest toward the door. “Rhiannon, fancy seeing you here!” I said, struggling to add cheer to my voice.

From the looks on Bubblegum and Rhiannon’s faces – the only way I could reliably get a read on ponies anymore – they were utterly unconvinced by my attempts to look normal. Or… well, as normal as a pony can look when they’re trying to do their best slug impression.

Rhiannon sighed when she met my eyes – I snapped my glance away to avoid any more judgment upon my pathetic state of being.

“Threnody, I think I owe you an apology,” she started, diverting my attention enough that I bothered to use my forelegs to lift my carcass to my full and less-than-impressive height. “I thought you might just need some time alone to process but... all you’ve been doing is wallowing.”

“No, I haven’t!” I shot back, probably sounding like the world’s crankiest, angstiest fourteen-year-old.

The crangstiest ever.

I shot Bubblegum a glare as he snickered at me.

Rhiannon shook her head before continuing, “And yet you’ve only come out of your room to speak to Sandalwood or Slate on the broadcaster, and even more rarely to eat.” She gave me a look that fell somewhere in between pity and disappointment. “And you’ve been avoiding me.”

My ears wilted. That… part may have been accurate.

“So, we’re gonna try something different,” she said, before bobbing her head toward my room. “You’re going to stay with me. And tomorrow, I want you to start attending the Stable’s school. Just for a little while.”

I grit my teeth, trying to find the urge to be defiant, but… after everything that had happened, I just couldn’t.

“Fine, whatever,” I muttered lamely, prompting Bubblegum's eyebrow to rise.

“What, all snarked out already?” he asked, and I shot him what I knew was far short of a quelling glare. “Holy shit. You are all kinds of fucked-up right now.” He turned to Rhiannon. “Yeah, uh, I think it’s a good thing she’s staying with you, miss.”

Damnit, now even the periwinkle prick sounded worried.

“And thank you for bringing this to my attention, Bubblegum,” Rhiannon said, before glancing at me with a smile. I searched her face for something more sinister than kindness, but only found patience. “Gather your things please, Threnody. I’d like to spend the day with you.”

I swivelled and slowly plodded through my room, and pulling what little I had together. It didn’t take long. All I’d done was shed the armour Blackjack had made for me, and dropped my saddlebags next to my bed.

Blackjack...

Collecting my armour and saddlebags, I trotted out the door, to find Bubblegum looking sheepish.

“Oh, uh… well, n-not that the book learning isn’t cool and all that, Miss Rhiannon, but I… think I’m gonna go hang out with the Wolves today,” he said, scratching the back of his head.

The bay and white painted earth pony frowned disapprovingly. “Bubblegum, I really would prefer if you joined Glitter and Puddle Splasher at school.”

Bubblegum sighed. “Ma’am, look, I’m… really not cut out for that crap. It’s an enclosed space. I’m too big for the desk, and honestly? I feel stupid learning to read better at fifteen. I can do numbers well enough, and it’s not like most of the wasteland is literate anyways. Not to mention that I’m basically a half-tamed raider. Would you want that kind of riff-raff around your kids?”

“I think I’m hearing a lot of excuses covering up another reason entirely,” Rhiannon said, shaking her head. “However, I also think some days it’s good for young ponies to take a break. And you did work very hard last week to fit in here. Alright Bubblegum, go spend time with Captain Pacific Rose and the other Wolves. But I would like you back in class tomorrow. If Threnody has to be there, so do you.”

Bubblegum nodded before giving me a cocky salute, then bolted down the corridor toward the Atrium.

Rhiannon sighed softly, then looked down at me.

“Come along,” she said quietly, before leading me deeper into the Stable.

I’d learned the first day that I stayed in Stable 9 that it had been carved into the lava dome of an extinct volcano. The volcanic soil around the Stable had been especially fertile before the war’s end, and as the cavern was hollowed out and reinforced, it was brought in by the tonne to create a base for the fields. Massive sunlight imitating talismans were installed in the ceiling, warming my face as the light spilled over sprawling, picturesque fields. Old world corn, wheat, carrots, and oats grew beneath the cavern lights.

It felt like I was standing under a beautiful wasteland day, but without the ‘Wasteland’ part. It was a strange feeling to have.

Once upon a time, I had thought that the fields of Elysium were the most beautiful sight I’d seen in the wasteland, but they paled in the light of this capsule-world, shielded from the outside by a steel-reinforced dome of solid granite. Acres of fields, flowers, and carefully tended trees and bushes grew within Stable 9. Two hundred years of care kept the fields in their original, untainted state.

The instant I laid eyes on them, I knew this was what the world was supposed to look like. Green grass, golden fields, and… well, the actual sun would be nice instead of lights on a ceiling about two hundred metres above me, but it felt… right.

Rhiannon led me along a path that wandered through the apple orchard. She shot me a cheeky grin, then lightly bucked one of the trees, causing a pair of apples to drop. She balanced her apple on her head as she trotted ahead. I stared down at the apple. I… I didn’t know they could be so full of colour and taste. A rich, lustrous red with beautiful yellow bands, and so, so deliciously sweet.

She didn’t say anything as we walked. Somehow, I liked that. I still couldn’t feel anypony around me, but Rhiannon’s silence wasn’t unwelcome. She would give me a glance every now and then to make sure I was following, but left any words other ponies would have polluted the calm with blissfully unspoken. I suddenly worried about what sort of emotional energy I was giving off. The instant the thoughts and feelings of concern flitted off, she turned back to me. She offered nothing but a gentle smile.

Content that I didn’t need to worry too much about what sort of emotional wreck I was, I enjoyed the walk. The apple trees gave way to a wide lane that ended with the most interesting home I had ever seen.

The entire structure had been shaped out of interwoven lilac bushes. I’d only ever seen lilacs in the rare, faded picture books I’d found back when I was a filly, and nothing prepared me for the soft smell of the pretty purple and white flowers. It almost appeared as if the entire home had been grown from a single massive lilac plant.

As Rhiannon opened the door for me, I saw that ‘grown’ was the right word for it. The woody branches of the lilac bushes themselves had been carefully shaped into walls, growing thickly enough to support furniture and decorations like picture frames and small tapestries.

I didn’t know what I expected when Rhiannon told me I’d be staying with her, but I sure didn’t expect her home to be so… homey. In stark contrast to Sandalwood’s minimalist order with little homey touches, Rhiannon’s home was covered in pillows, books, and blankets. I wasn’t sure where they came from, but it appeared that somepony in the Stable’s history or in their time trading with the Wasteland had sheared some sort of animal to weave an extraordinarily soft carpet. It felt lovely on my hooves as I stepped into the older heartmender’s home.

“You know, it’s a good thing that the Cervyderian plant shapers made the Overmare’s home with two bedrooms. I may have been an only child, but I was so glad to have a room to myself when I was growing up,” Rhiannon said softly as she opened one of the three inner doors in her home. “It’s a little small, but…” She trailed off and shrugged. “It’s all I have right now.”

Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at the small room. A beautiful blue and white quilt covered a filly-sized bed. Stacked up on a small pile of pillows were soft stuffed animals – a teddy bear, a few small stuffed ponies... Two versions caught my eyes: Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. I staggered over to the bed, pulled Scootaloo out from my saddlebags, and collapsed onto the bed in a heap of tears.

Rhiannon let out an alarmed whinny before rushing over to my side. She sat down next to the bed, hesitating a moment before she lightly touched my shoulder. She removed the offending hoof like she’d touched a hot plate as I flinched away from her.

I didn’t even know why I was crying. Everything within me hurt, and being shown a bit of kindness was enough to break the dam that had held back so many hurts for so long.

A gentle hoof just barely grazed my mane as Rhiannon whispered softly to me. Even the bare touch burned like the sun’s fire along my back, but I had been so starved of touch, any kind of contact, I pressed my head into those gentle strokes despite my desire to run and hide.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Rhiannon said, running her hoof down the back of my head. “Honey, this is exactly what I wanted you to do.”

“I‘m sorry!” I sobbed, sniffing fiercely as I tried to stop myself from being all snotty and gross.

I was probably a rather disgusting mess of a pony. I didn’t know how Rhiannon could stand to be so close to me. I hadn’t bathed in over a week, and now I was all wet, snotty, and stinky. Not only was I the lumpiest tato, I was a rotten one, too.

“Threnody, I brought you into my home to help you. To give you the space to heal. I am so, so very sorry I left you alone earlier. I wanted to respect you as a heartmender, but I should have cared for you as a pony,” she replied, pulling a handkerchief from her saddlebags. She lightly wiped my tears away. “That was my mistake, honey, and I should have known better.”

I frowned at her through tears. “Isn’t there enough guilt in the world? You don’t need to go grabbing for more,” I replied, too late to catch the hypocrisy in my words.

Rhiannon let out a soft laugh, then offered me the handkerchief to blow my nose.

“I… think you may be right there. Even if I somehow doubt that you quite listen to your own advice on occasion,” she teased. But it wasn’t a harsh teasing, like what I might get from Bubblegum. Just a soft rib at what I knew to be true.

I blew my nose in the offered handkerchief, then nodded.

“So, would you like to tell me what my stuffed animals did to make you cry?” Rhiannon asked.

I turned back to the bed, and gently placed Scootaloo next to… to her friends.

“I… you know who the Cutie Mark Crusaders were, right?” I asked, my lower lip quivering.

Rhiannon nodded. “Yeah. Very important mares. They tried their best to stop all the madness that set the world ablaze. As I understand it, only one of them survived the end of the war?”

I nodded, feeling tears welling up in my eyes again.

“I just… I looked at Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, and I’ve… I’ve had Scootaloo with me all this time, and I just… She’d been separated from her friends for so long that I-I…”

My words failed me as fresh tears began to fall.

“You hated to see them without each other, is that right?” Rhiannon asked, moving to sit on the bed. She patted the bed beside her.

I nodded as I wiggled closer to Rhiannon’s side, messing up the neatly made quilt. I gathered up all three stuffed ponies in my forelegs and squeezed them tight. I couldn’t get my tongue to work – it was doing its best to be solid lead.

Rhiannon lay down across the bed to meet me at eye level.

“I can’t help but wonder if it’s not just because you empathise with them,” she asked, quirking an eyebrow at me. “But because you also are feeling a little bit alone?”

I sniffled pathetically at her, then nodded.

The truth was that I hurt all over and felt like everything that had happened in the Red Forest was my fault. Bubblegum nearly dying. Blackjack being in a coma. Puddle’s… whatever the fuck happened with Puddle. Did I even deserve my friends? I just… maybe I was supposed to be lonely. When I tried to make friends, all that happened was they got hurt, and so did I.

Rhiannon waited patiently for me. Damn her. She let me sniffle and swallow and try to get my tongue moving again.

“Yeah…” I finally said after a few minutes of fighting my stubborn tongue. “I just…” I swept my wing across the bed in a vague gesture. “Everything!”

Rhiannon surprised me with a soft snort of laughter. I looked up at her, a bit hurt – it almost seemed like she was laughing at me. But she waved her hoof.

“I’m sorry, Threnody. I’m not laughing at you. You just… very succinctly summed up how you were feeling without using any ‘feelings’ words at all. It was a little funny, but I also understand how painful that must feel to have the weight of the world on your back,” she said, looking down at the trio of stuffed mares in my forelegs. “I spoke with Sandalwood and Heartshine. I wanted to have you stay with me so you could have the space to cry, to feel your own feelings for a while, and… if need be, to say that the problem is ‘everything,’ like you just did.”

I buried my face in Scootaloo’s mane to try to hide my tears. It felt wrong to be treated like somepony special, but at the same time… the individual attention from Rhiannon felt... I didn’t have a word for it, but some small, deep part of me knew I needed it, whether or not I deserved it. And while a part of my heart scourged itself for accepting her kindness, I looked up into the painted mare’s pretty blue eyes, and let myself accept it for a moment. Even if it was just a moment.

She smiled back at me.

“Okay, we have to work on getting you to speak, though,” she said, lightly running her hoof over my mane.

I wasn’t sure how she was doing it, because I could tell she was making sure that I felt the motion, but not enough that it made me freak out in my normal ‘oh goddesses, I hate being touched’ sort of way. It was still enough to soothe the small, quietly screaming, touch-starved part of me a little bit.

“How long have you been struggling with not being able to talk, Threnody? And I don’t mean about the small stuff, I mean really speaking. About you, about how you feel, and what you want,” Rhiannon asked as she got off the bed.

I reluctantly set the crusader plushies down, mulling for an answer.

“Um… almost all my life?” I admitted. “I… am not good at expressing myself.”

Rhiannon winced. It was only a slight tension around her eyes, but I saw it.

“I see,” she said softly. “Well, then that may be something you may struggle with for the rest of your life. I know that probably hurts sometimes, not being able to fully speak your mind when you want to.”

I swallowed, trying hard to not start crying again. I found myself regretting my choice to listen to the voice that said ‘maybe a little kindness for a lumpy tato isn’t a bad thing,’ but I soldiered on in spite of that regret.

“I mean, it’s… not like I haven’t had to deal with it for fourteen years already. What’s another twenty?” I asked, trying to smile.

Rhiannon gave me a puzzled look.

“That would have you dying at thirty-four, Threnody. That’s… still pretty young. Even considering the dangers of the wasteland,” she said, concern colouring her soft voice. “Why do you think you’ll only live that long?”

“Don’t heartmenders usually die young?” I shot back without meaning to. An ugly fire filled my voice as I continued, “I figured the pain and suffering of the wasteland end up killing us before our time. Downside of being empaths.”

Rhiannon frowned. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again.“Whyever did you think that, Threnody?” she asked.

“Don’t pretend that isn’t how it is!” I snapped. “That we’re just around to be used, to help others, hurt for them, and then we end up dying young so you don’t…” Don’t keep hurting. I sighed as I tried to bottle up that anger that threatened to spill all over. “Why am I even talking to you about this?” I asked sotto voce. “What are you doing to me that makes me talk to you?”

Rhiannon weathered my storm of words quite well, all things considered. She simply raised an eyebrow before replying.

“I haven’t done anything to you, honey. All I did was tell you to come with me and ask you why you were crying. Everything you’ve chosen to tell me has been because of you. Because you wanted to, even if right now, some part of you is trying to shelter yourself from that truth.”

A part of me wanted to fight her on that. To tell this big dumb earth pony that I wasn’t a stupid little filly and could handle things myself. To tell her that Heartmenders could handle their own shit, and fuck her for trying to make me do that with her.

But that part of me deflated as I realised a stark difference between how Rhiannon was treating me, and how other every other adult had treated me so far: I was a pony to her. Just… a pony in pain. Not a heartmender. Not a child. Not some prodigy wasteland hero who got her friends killed and maimed.

Just a pony who was badly hurting.

My indignation deserted me as I sunk to the soft, lilac scented quilt. I wanted to lay down like a lump and pretend that everything wasn’t the way it was, but that wouldn’t change anything.

Rhiannon lay down beside me, looking me in the eyes.

“I’m not good at this,” I admitted after she gave me my space to find my words. “I’m sorry. You’re probably right.”

Rhiannon hummed softly before responding, “I may be, but in other ways, so are you. I am glad that you’re willing to question why you’re talking to me. I am honoured that you opened up earlier. I also know that, sometimes, we ponies open up because it feels like we’ll go supernova if we don’t say something.” She sighed. “We’re all star stuff, Threnody. We’re all connected in harmony and friendship, and through that, we connect to the world around us. Sometimes the hardest part about being a part of the universe made manifest is that we’re still trying to figure ourselves out. And learning that we can’t do it alone.

“Because we really can’t, Threnody,” she continued, holding her hoof out to me. “But I am willing to try to help you walk with the herd, and not alone by yourself. How does that sound?”

I wasn’t sure how that sounded, really. A little silly, maybe? Even foolish, to rely on other ponies...

I took her hoof anyway.

Rhiannon and I sat down once I’d used her lovely shower to affect the appearance of a functioning pony. She then laid out a few rules, several of which carried the distinct whiff of Sandalwood’s influence and meddling over my life. I had to eat at least three meals a day while in the Stable. And I had to attend classes at Stable 9’s school.

Reluctantly, I agreed to them.

Attending school was silly. I was fourteen for Luna’s sake! By wasteland standards, I was middle-aged! I had been heartmending since I was eight, and I’d grown up in a well-furnished library, a rarity in the wastes! I’d been reading anything I could get my hooves on for as long as I could remember! Still, Rhiannon insisted that, because Stable 9’s school taught the Elements of Harmony, maybe I might just find something useful there after all.

So! I found myself dressed in a new set of Stable 9 barding at a goddess-cursed ten in the morning with my saddlebags only packed with a few notebooks and pens. After lugging around the medical supplies for our journey north, my saddlebags felt almost empty on my flanks.

I opened the door to the Lilac House, bidding Rhiannon a farewell in the process, and nearly ran into Puddle.

“Threnody!” she exclaimed, squeezing me tightly.

“Ack! Puddle! Pega can’t breathe!” I choked and charred in her embrace. She released me before I passed out. I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful for not, considering that a trip to the medical clinic would have definitely gotten me out of this silly school thing.

“Sorry! I was just… I haven’t seen you in a week, and I’ve been really worried about you!” Puddle said in her honest and sweet way. “I got a little excited.”

“Hey, Thren! At least Puddle didn’t like, pee on you,” Bubblegum muttered from where he stood behind Puddle, drawing my attention to him. He wore a Stable barding, as did Glitter Bomb. The handsome oaf and my beautiful friend stood next to each other as they waited in front of Rhiannon’s door. “So there’s that.”

“I’ve never peed on anypony because I was excited!” Puddle shouted back, pouting at Bubblegum. “That’s mean!”

“Just saying. It’s always a possibility.”

Glitter looked back and forth between the two goofy earth ponies before shrugging.

“Are you feeling better, Threnody?” she asked. “I got all worried up.”

I wasn’t in the mood to lie, so I shrugged instead.

“I’m… eh,” I admitted, getting a trio of surprised looks. I glared at them all. “What? It’s the truth. I just… ‘Eh’ is my general mood right now. I don’t really have good words for it.”

Bubblegum leaned down to my level, staring me in the eyes.

“What?” I asked, batting at his face with my wing.

“Trying to see if you’re high,” he admitted.

“What the fuck, Bubblegum!?” I shouted, fluttering back and away from him. “Why the fuck would you ask me that!?”

“What? You’re the one being fucking weird. Suddenly you’re all ‘I can settle on one mood’ as opposed to being all cryptic and shit,” he shot back. “I wasn’t sure if like, Rhiannon slipped you some of that herb or something.”

Oh boy. This whole school thing was getting off to a swimming start.

“I’m not on any drugs. Glitter asked me a question and I gave her an honest answer.” I growled. “Shouldn’t we get going? I don’t want to be late on my first day!” I looked over at Puddle and Glitter, both of whom looked worried, and let out a sigh. “Sorry, I just… didn’t think it was a funny joke,” I muttered.

Bubblegum looked away from me, a little uncomfortable. “I, uh… Fuck. Yeah, sorry. I… didn’t think of it that way,” he said.

I bit my tongue to avoid shouting at him about the fact that Blackjack was still in a medically induced coma because of his stupid ass.

“We should get going though,” Glitter said after an awkward pause. “I think we are making Mac and Ronnie art today! I don’t want to miss that!”

Bubblegum mouthed ‘macaroni’ to me and I nodded along.

“Wait, we’re doing art?” I asked, confused. “I thought we were learning things.”

“Oh! Bubblegum and Glitter are in different classes than you and I, Threnody,” Puddle explained as she started to trot down the lane toward the Stable’s Atrium. “You and I are in classes that are like, at our grade. Bubblegum will join us for math and history, but…” She trailed off awkwardly.

“Me am not read goodly,” Bubblegum added, his voice thick with self-deprecation. “So I get to hang out with the younger foals as I try to learn to be less dumb.”

“No one said you were dumb, Bubblegum!” Puddle cried. “You just didn’t need to learn to read. You’ve probably survived things that half the Stable wouldn’t even know how to handle. That’s just… not what school teaches. And you seemed to like the Harmony lessons!”

“I fell asleep.”

“Oh...” Puddle’s face fell. “Well, um… you liked physical education!”

“Oh, yeah!” Bubblegum lit up. “What did you call that game? Hitting balls?”

“Dodgeball!” Puddle added helpfully.

“Yeah, that! That was awesome. Right up until I got yelled at for whipping the ball hard enough at… oh, what was that little shit’s name?”

Puddle Splasher snorted. “Oh, Obsidian Flare?”

“Yeah, that kid. He deserved that hit. Fucker kept shit-talking my mane. Though, I didn’t think a rubber ball could bruise ribs! But when he took that scorcher to the pills, oh… that sound he made will make me smile for a good week at least.”

I suddenly had concerns about what this ‘physical education’ entailed if it left colts with bruised ribs and… other pieces of anatomy.

“To be fair,” Puddle said, clearly trying to not giggle. “Obsidian can be a bit of a butthead. So you giving him a couple of solid hits might do him some good. Deflate that over-enlarged ego of his.”

“Maybe it’s better if you play nice games, Bubbles,” Glitter said, nudging the colt’s shoulder with her muzzle. “The fillies in my kinder-guarding class liked it when you let them brush and style your mane.”

I quirked an eyebrow at Bubblegum as his cheeks took on a particularly ruddy hue.

“Ah, mane-braiding is it?” I teased, trotting closer to the big brute.

“Look, it feels nice, okay? And they are all so small. I was afraid that they’d do the sad face thing you fillies do that makes us colts feel like we’re losing our stallionhood,” he muttered, pointedly looking anywhere but at me. “Anyways, this is where we part ways.”

I looked up, and realised I’d been so focused on my friends as I followed them through the fields that I’d missed the views of the walk. I almost felt cheated out of something I enjoyed.

Puddle and I bid Bubblegum and Glitter goodbye as they headed into the ‘primary school wing,’ as labelled by the helpful sign in the Atrium. Puddle and I made our way up the stairs to the ‘high school section.’ Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. I supposed that, because it was on the Stable’s second floor, it was higher than the ‘primary school?’

I wasn’t sure what to expect, because most of my knowledge was either self-taught or gleaned from whatever books I could lay my hooves on, and the wasteland towns I’d lived in didn’t exactly have schools, per se. They may have had one pony who taught younger ones a few things, but the rest was either up to parents or, well, one’s own dogged determination! What was a school supposed to be like anyway?

A somewhat bewildering array of ponies, cervyderians, zebras, and young buffalos milled about in the hallways that led to various classrooms. I knew that the Stable had a sizeable population, but there had to be at least a hundred creatures here, and it was just the kids!

In an instant, I felt incredibly alone. Puddle was beside me, but I didn’t know anyone else. I didn’t know their names, what they liked, or disliked. Was I even supposed to know these things? I knew how to be a heartmender, but… this felt weird. I normally had much more control over how I met creatures, but this was chaos! I had to act like I was just another pony. Or zebra. Or… whatever else my classmates would be. I was stuck in this hellvoid of Equestrian life, and I didn’t know where to fit at all.

Puddle tugged on the sleeve of my new barding.

“Come on!” she said. “We’re in classroom 204. It’s this way!” When I didn’t move, she moved behind me, and started pushing my clueless butt down the hallway.

Classroom 204, as it turned out, was arranged for about twenty students. There was something distinctly uncomfortable about walking into a room with that many teenaged creatures and realising you knew exactly one of them...

Or maybe not. An effeminate, blond-maned pegasus colt started as Puddle shoved me into the classroom, and made his way over to us. For the damndest reason, I felt like I knew his name.

“W-we’re not actually going to grab you, though. At least not, like, physically. That’d be rude! Just, um… maybe go by the canteen later for snacks?”

Why was I remembering that?

“H-hey Puddle! Who’s this?” the teal-coated colt asked.

“Morning Balmy, this is Threnody!” Puddle said, introducing me. “Threnody, this is-”

“Balmy Breeze,” he said, giving me a shy smile. “Thank you for getting Puddle home safely!”

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. I was pretty sure that there were several other ponies far more responsible for that than I was!

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said, surely sounding like the most lame thing on the planet. Goddesses, I wish I wasn’t so awkward…

A flash of green appeared next to me, causing me to yelp.

“Emerald, you’ve scared her half to death!” Puddle chided the green coated unicorn that teleported next to me.

“Eh, she looks fine. I’m sure the Red Forest was worse.” Emerald replied. I wanted to sink down into the floor and disappear at the mention of the cursed place, and it must have shown because the haughty filly’s face fell. “Oh… sorry. That… I said something dumb.”

“Ya think, you doofus?” a gorgeous, white-coated pegasus filly with stunning blue eyes asked, whacking Emerald on the back of the head with her wing. “She and Puddle are lucky to be alive!” She shook her head, then turned to me. “Sorry, Emmy has a terminal case of saying stupid things sometimes,” she said, earning a glare from the green unicorn. “I’m Sour Drops, but you can call me Sour. It’s nice to meet you!”

I blinked a few times, staring at Sour before Puddle nudged me in the side. Right! Words! Mouth noises!

“Uh, Threnody. Erm, well, technically Threnody Lily, but… Threnody is just fine,” I stammered, trying to not look too much of an idiot in front of the snow-white pega-goddess.

Sour blushed slightly and looked toward the front of the classroom.

“You’d better wait here,” she said with a grin. “Miss Aria is about to do roll call, and she’ll probably want you to introduce yourself to the class.” Wait, what? “Don’t worry, you just say a few things about yourself, and we’ll get you seated!” Please Luna, let me become a stone!

Of all the bizarre things about the idea of this… school, being brought up to the front and forced to introduce myself was the worst. I’d been shot at, cornered, and stuck in crazy hallucinations, but nothing prepared me for the vulnerability that came from being asked ‘Who are you?’

Miss Aria turned out to be a middle aged unicorn who wore pince nez glasses. She drained a few decibels from the din of the class with an expression of mild disappointment. Oh boy, this was going to be one of those days.

“Now, now, settle down,” she said, looking at the class through her glasses. Those glasses bugged me, because they gave her the impression that she was constantly looking down on somepony, even if she wasn’t actively doing so. “It appears we have a new student who will be joining us today. I would like you all to listen politely to her as she introduces herself? Okay?”

“Yes, Miss Aria,” the class droned in unison.

Creepy.

“Alright dear. Come on up to the front of the class – ” Please Princess Luna, strike me down with a holy meteor of justice! “ – and say a few things about yourself.”

Luna was not merciful. I wondered what I had done to piss off the goddesses and apparently several forest spirits as I began my sepulchral march to the front of the classroom.

I swallowed as I looked out upon my new, fellow students, and tried to give my best smile. Based on Puddle’s reaction, my face wasn’t quite working as intended.

“I, um… hi,” I said, hoping that was how you introduced yourself. “Um, I’m Threnody Lily, but you can call me Threnody.” I glanced to Miss Aria. “Uh, what am I supposed to say aside from my name?”

“How about you tell us a little about yourself, Threnody,” Miss Aria prompted unhelpfully.

“Um…”

“How about you tell us your special talent?” Miss Aria asked, far more chipper than anypony should be at 10am. I had a feeling that aspect of my new teacher was going to drive me up a wall.

“Well, theoretically it’s heartmending, but lately it seems to have shifted to being the Wasteland’s biggest fuckup who nearly got her friends killed,” I spat bitterly.

An uncomfortable murmur rippled through the classroom, and several of the other students shifted and looked around uneasily. A few of them glanced at Puddle, who was doing her level best to bury her muzzle in the frog of her hoof.

“Oh, dear. Well, um, if you could watch your language in class, Threnody, I would much appreciate it,” Miss Aria said. “You know, why don’t you take your seat…?”

The only empty desk was in the back row, next to a big window that looked out over the fields. I had a feeling that I was going to have a hard time paying attention to anything the teacher would say when that lovely vista was just a glance away. Puddle’s friend Emerald was sat at the desk in front of me, and Balmy Breeze sat to my right.

I wasn’t sure if this would be a good thing or bad thing until he seized a moment when Miss Aria’s back was turned to pass me a note.

Are u okay? - BB

Well, if that wasn’t the most loaded question in the universe. I glanced over at Balmy, but the teal pegasus made like he hadn’t passed the note at all. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, and nodded toward the note.

Okay, did I lose all my heartmending powers and gain the worst poker face on the planet? Or were all of the Stable ponies this perceptive? Damnit, even Puddle did this shit to me back in Fold! ARGH!

I pretended to be taking notes as Miss Aria droned on about a book that I hadn’t read. Her lecture was kind of lost on me, but I felt like I needed to answer the silly colt who’d just passed me the note. I think I moved the pencil around with my mouth, writing nothing, for a solid five minutes before I finally wrote a reply. I nudged the note toward the edge of my desk.

Not really. -T

Balmy snatched the note from my desk with a flick of his wing, and I went back to studying a group of ponies who were harvesting carrots in a nearby field. How the hell was I supposed to learn anything in this desk? Or with these ponies?

I started to shake as I realised that none of these ponies I was sitting with would understand what I’d been through. How could they? They were safe and sheltered in their Stable home! They didn’t have to go through the forest, go through…

Go through…

“Threnody?” Balmy whispered, drawing me out myself. “Do you need to go?”

I wasn’t sure what he meant by going, but if he was offering to get me out of here, I was going to cling to him like he was a life preserver. I nodded stiffly, hoping I hadn’t made a mistake.

“Miss Aria?” Balmy called out, catching the attention of our teacher. I wanted to shrink as the other young ponies in the class looked back at us. “It’s… almost time for me to go to my appointment, and Threnody isn’t feeling well. I’d like to walk her to the clinic, if that’s okay.”

Miss Aria’s dusky purple eyes narrowed with concern as she looked me over. She took on an expression that I couldn’t quite name before responding.

“Yes, why don’t you do that. I’m sure that Miss Rhiannon will be around to collect her shortly. Thank you, Balmy. You and Threnody are dismissed.”

I didn’t quite bolt out of my desk as Balmy quietly gathered his things. I wanted to just run out of the school, the Stable, and out into the wasteland, but… that wasn’t a good idea, and a small, sane part of me told me to wait for the nice colt who was damnably perceptive.

To my surprise, Balmy didn’t say anything as we left the halls of the school. He didn’t speak until we stepped off of the stairs into the Atrium.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked quietly as he turned to face me. “I-I mean, there probably isn’t, cause, like, I… figure you’ve been through a lot but…”

“You got me out of there!” I blurted out almost against my will. “Th-that… that was enough.”

He nodded, biting his lip. “I wondered if you weren’t, um… kinda getting anxious in there,” he admitted, looking me over. “And I know for me that means I wanna get out.”

I nodded, not trusting my voice at the moment. The feeling was slowly bleeding out of me into the hard metal of the Atrium’s floor.

“Thank you,” I managed a few moments later.

Balmy gave me a small, awkward smile: the kind that came from somepony who wasn’t used to smiling. I couldn’t help but wonder if I wasn’t seeing a bit of myself mirrored back at me.

“I can’t say it’ll be okay, b-but, I am glad to help,” he said quietly. “You brought Puddle back safely, and anyone who’s kind to her means they could be a good friend of mine. And Harmony teaches us to reach out to those that are hurting.”

“I’m… not sure I deserve that kindness, Balmy.”

Balmy tilted his head to the side, causing his long-ish mane to fall over one eye.

“I-I’m sorry?” he said softly, the tone of his voice raw with emotion. “I-I just, um. I don’t think that’s how that works, Threnody. You needed somepony, and I noticed that need. I just… wanted to help if I could.”

“And I think that you do deserve that, Threnody,” Rhiannon’s voice drifted lightly from behind me. “You’re just telling yourself that you don’t.”

Balmy and I turned to face the older earth pony. Rhiannon had been sitting on a bench nearby, reading a book.

“Though, I think you should head to your appointment, Balmy. Vetiver is being kind enough to take some time out for you, and I’d hate to make him wait,” Rhiannon continued, giving Balmy a gentle smile. “Why don’t you stop by the library after you meet with him? You can walk Threnody to the canteen after we’re done.”

Balmy nodded politely to Rhiannon before turning and heading up the Atrium.

“See you at the Library, Threnody?” he asked, turning back to me one last time.

“I… sure?” I said, unsure of what Rhiannon had planned for me. “The Library sounds good.”

I turned and quirked an eyebrow at Rhiannon as curiosity leaked in to replace the anxiety over having been trapped in that classroom. Why was she waiting here on the bench?

She looked down at her pipbuck and sighed.

“Well, I suppose that forty minutes wasn’t a bad start,” she said, smiling at me as she put her book in her saddlebags. She got up off of the bench and tilted her head towards the fields. “Come along.”

I sighed.

“You… knew I wouldn’t make it through the whole day?” I asked, biting my lip as I trailed behind Rhiannon.

She slowed, forcing me to walk next to her, which… felt so weird.

“I was certainly hoping you would, but… I also knew that you’ve been running so long that sitting down in a place like a desk probably was going to cause problems. So I thought I’d take today to try to finish my book,” she replied, offering me a smile. “And you gave me just enough time to finish it. So thank you for that.”

Wait. She was thanking me for freaking out and having to leave class? The hell?

Rhiannon giggled brightly.

“You know, Threnody, I don’t need to be a heartmender to read you,” she said, amusement dancing in her eyes. “But tell me this: did me saying that get your mind off of the embarrassment you were feeling about not being able to make it through the class?”

I frowned. I wanted to argue with her, but I couldn’t argue that it had at least altered my thinking a bit. Mostly by making me think that I was spending time with the most eccentric heartmender on the planet!

“I guess it did,” I admitted after a long moment. “Sorry, I… really did want to try to make it through today without being a problem.”

“Threnody. You’re not being a problem. I know you don’t believe me when I say that, but honestly, you’re not being a problem. If you’d made it through today without needing to leave, I would have been pleasantly surprised,” Rhiannon admitted as we passed through the apple grove. “But that doesn’t mean that you failed. It means that you’re just a pony like the rest of us. And sometimes we get in over our heads.”

“It’s just school!” I protested. “I should have been able to do this after all the-” I cut myself off as emotions churned angrily inside of me. I took several deep breaths to steady myself as tears welled up and the desire to take flight wrenched my guts.

Rhiannon waited me out, sitting down on the cool grass as I settled myself.

“Recovery takes time, Threnody,” she said softly, making sure she had my attention. “This isn’t something you can rush. And to be honest with you? I get the impression that what happened in the forest isn’t the only thing you’re running from.”

I frowned up at her. “You can’t know that.”

“You flinch when anypony tries to touch you.”

“Lots of ponies don’t like being touched,” I shot back.

“Threnody, when I tried to reach over your head the other day for a plate, you curled up and tried to shield your face with a wing. Normal ponies don’t react like that,” Rhiannon replied gently. “The only other pony I’ve seen react like that is…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “I think you’ll figure that out soon enough. I’m not going to press you on this, Threnody, because you need to work things out at your own pace, but I may end up pointing out to you that you’re not okay. And there is nothing wrong with you not being all right at the moment. Acknowledging it is part of healing.”

I didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t want to know that it was okay to feel like I’d wrecked upon some emotional rocks, that I was being pounded by a constant surf of sorrow. I was so tired of being rescued. Even if nopony actually was doing any rescuing.

Rhiannon wasn’t trying to save me. So why did being with her feel like I was stuck in a gilded cage?

“Threnody, you’re not alone,” Rhiannon began, leaning down to get to my eye level. “I think you’ve faced a lot of things by yourself, and you’ve gotten so used to having to handle very grown-up things by yourself, things that nopony your age should have to deal with. It’s admirable that you’ve made it this far on your own, and anypony who knows you should be proud of you for doing that.

“But you can’t keep going on alone,” she continued, her eyes filled with more concern than the rest of her face was letting on. Rhiannon spoke with her eyes a lot, and I knew great concern when I saw it, no matter how well masked. “There’s a book I want to show you. It’s… something we – the ponies of Stable 9 – used when times were hard. I want you to read it. That’ll be your homework.”

I perked up a little in spite of myself at the mention of the book. I didn’t want any of this cheerful optimism that Rhiannon seemed to be trying to sell, and I was dubious of her claims that a book could solve all of my problems. But… I did rather like libraries, and it had been so long since I’d just curled and lost myself in a book.

“I… I don’t know. However, I am willing to read this book of yours,” I admitted. “But only because I like books!”

Rhiannon chuckled, getting back up to her hooves.

“Alright, then let’s get to the Lone Oak Library,” she said, a glimmer in her eye that I couldn’t quite trace the source of.

She led me through the apple orchards toward a massive oak tree. I started as I realised that the name of the library wasn’t because somepony missed oak trees, but rather because it was inside of a massive oak. The tree seemed to be healthy, despite not only being hollow, but also having windows and doors and balconies built into it. It was the strangest thing I had ever seen in my life, but I fell in love with it at first sight.

I made a small choking sound as I realised that this library was probably at least three times as large as the one mom had back in Junction City.

“Threnody, are you okay?” Rhiannon asked, responding to the small sound I’d made.

“Y-yes!” I snapped, my voice quavering. “There’s just… Gotta be so many books…”

“Oh, honey…”

Rhiannon opened the door and a little bell chimed as it swung wide to reveal a beautiful sight for my very tired, sad eyes. Rows of shelves lined the walls, stuffed full of books. A staircase had been carved into the heartwood, and it led up to the second floor of the library which contained more bookshelves, and more books. A ladder on the second led up to a small loft, and I could see the edges of a wooden bedframe sat on a deck that stuck out a little ways over the library proper below. Some lucky pony got to live here!?

I was stuck in the doorway at the sight of all of the books I’d never read! And so taken in by the sheer untapped knowledge before me and the beauty of the library itself, I somehow missed the librarian, who scared the hell out of me when she spoke up.

“Good morning!” the largest pegasus I’d ever seen called out, causing me to start. She winced. “Sorry, I… thought you’d seen me when you came in. Morning, Rhiannon.”

“Good morning, miss Lunar,” Rhiannon replied. “I have a favour to ask of you,” she said, lightly nudging me forward so she could enter into the library.

I twitched an ear at the mention of her name, and the vaguest memory of a massive blonde pegasus with a scarred right eye wearing Enclave power armour flashed through my head. Why did I have this feeling that she’d died?

“Sure thing!” Lunar replied cheerily, then she looked down at me. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Lunar Skysong, the local librarian!” she opened her mouth then closed it sharply. “I… didn’t intend for that to be an alliteration…”

“Oh, sorry. Um, I’m Threnody. I… got into Stable 9 a little while ago, but you probably haven’t seen me,” I explained, trying not to be rude as I slowly inched my way toward one of the bookshelves.

“Are we taking in strays now?” Lunar whispered to Rhiannon as I slipped over to the shelves.

“No. Well, we could, but we haven’t found any recently. Threnody and her friends came with Solidarity from east of the Red Forest.”

I tuned out the rest of their conversation as I started looking over the shelves. I took in the lovely scent I’d come to associate with books. Those lovely notes of sweet grass mixed with an acidic whiff I could never place, all overlain with a musty quality that blended with a hint of vanilla. I’d learned all these smells when I was very young, but somehow the library didn’t smell like home to me. It smelled like safety, and I felt myself relax just a little bit as I ran my hoof over the soft bindings.

The Followers would have killed to have a library a tenth of what this was, and I teared up as I realised how much of a time capsule for old Equestrian life Stable 9 truly was. There was likely knowledge here, and stories too, that had been thought lost to time and balefire. Yet, here in front of me lay the hopes of the wasteland.

Supernaturals. Perplexing Pony Plagues. Dapple Grey’s Anatomy. Books on how to make the best of poor soil. Books on magic. An entire collection of Daring Do stories. All of it was here, hidden away underground, and this… this was worth protecting.

“Threnody?” Rhiannon called. “Can you come here a moment?”

I tore myself away from the shelves and made my way over to where Rhiannon and Lunar stood. The pair waited in front of a locked case in the centre of the main library. Inside lay two books, one purple and decorated with a violet horseshoe. The cover was embossed with six precious gems: five were inlaid into the horseshoe and the sixth, cut into a six-pointed starburst, lay in its center.

The other book was a little more plain, the only decoration a half-red and yellow sunburst that joined with five triangles that filled in the other half of the sunburst. I stared at the second book. Why did that sunburst look so familiar?

“This is the Journal of Friendship,” Rhiannon started, pulling me out of my reverie for the second book. “It was written by Twilight Sparkle and her friends several years before the war, and contained several of the lessons that they learned along the way.” She pulled out the purple book, a weighty reverence filling her voice. “They weren’t perfect ponies, not by a long shot, but they had good hearts, and believed in the magic of friendship. That, Threnody, is something that we in the Stable believe very firmly in. I want you to read this, and we’ll talk about it afterward. Deal?”

Reading a book wasn’t exactly a tall ask for me, but the second book had my attention.

“What’s the other book?” I asked, pointing to the one with the sunburst cover.

Rhiannon hesitated, and looked at Lunar before responding. “That one… we think was mistakenly brought here,” she said cautiously. “It is a journal that Twilight used to talk to a friend in another world.”

“Another world?” I asked, surprised. “What? How? Can magic even do that?”

“I don’t have an answer to that, to be honest,” Rhiannon admitted, frowning down at the second journal. “One of the last notes we got from the Ministry of Arcane Sciences before the war ended was the request that we return it. It’d been misplaced here… but we were never able to fix that mistake.”

“Can I read it?” I asked.

“I don’t know that it’s such a-”

“I’ll read both!” I exclaimed. “Let me read both books, and you’ve got a deal.”

Rhiannon fixed me with a serious expression.

“Unlike this book,” she said, lifting the Journal of Friendship, “I’m not sure that one was ever meant to be read by anypony but Twilight and her friend. It contains some very private conversations.”

“Rhiannon, it’s not like I’ve ever had to keep a secret before,” I scoffed. “Kind of important when you’re a heartmender. But those are my terms. I take both books, or none.”

Rhiannon and Lunar exchanged glances before the pegasus shrugged.

“Well, we’ll need to get you a library card…”

The most torturous thing about having access to a real, proper library, was that it was a real, proper library. With rules. And policies. Two books maximum. In the infinite wisdom of whoever came up with this goddess-damned thing, out of the multitude of books calling out my name, begging me to read them, I was cruelly restricted to picking only two, and even then, my hoof had been forced on one of them.

But still, here I was with the Journal of Friendship and the other mysterious journal when I sat down on one of the library’s convenient benches to read. Rhiannon left me there, and reminded me that Balmy Breeze was going to come by later so we could walk to the Canteen. When she gave me my library card, Lunar had explained that I was free to read any book I liked so long as it didn’t come with me out of the library. I briefly thought about returning the books I had and taking my pick from the rest of the library’s treasures, but I decided that I should be good and start with the Journal of Friendship.

It felt… odd, reading the words of ponies that were long dead. Their hopes, their wishes, their failures, and most importantly, the lessons they learned together. Each new entry, written in a different hoofstroke, had its own story and lesson. I could only glean little bits and pieces of what their world had looked like, but it seemed like a lovely place. And I’d be lying if I didn’t have moments reading it where I related to the struggles of these mares from another time.

“Sometimes being afraid can stop you from doing something that you love. But hiding behind these fears means you're only hiding from your true self. It's much better to face those fears so you can shine and be the best pony you can possibly be!

-Fluttershy”

How in Equestria was I supposed to show my true self, though, when I knew that the ponies I was closest to wouldn’t like the real me? What was the point of being who I really was if it meant I had to be alone?

“I-is that the Friendship Journal!?” Balmy Breeze’s soft voice drew me back out of the book. “W-wow! I’ve only been able to read it once myself!”

I blushed as I closed the book.

“Rhiannon thinks I need some… friendship lessons myself,” I admitted. “So she asked me to read it so we can talk about it later.”

Balmy’s blue eyes grew wide.

“Whoa, seriously? Th-that’s really nice of her! Personal friendship lessons from Rhiannon sounds like a lot of fun!”

I wasn’t so sure I agreed with him on that.

“You – Stable ponies, I mean – sure do take this friendship thing seriously, don’t you?” I asked, putting the Journal in my saddlebags.

“Of course we do!” Balmy said firmly. “It’s so important to have friends. Friendship will save the wasteland. That’s why we do what we do! Why we share, offer kindness to strangers, laugh when things hurt, and stay true to our friends. The outside world may be scary, but we’re all creatures who need friends. How could we not take that seriously?”

I was taken aback by the firmness of his resolve. Balmy had initially struck me as shy and somewhat anxious. But he had a quiet fire in him that reminded me a little bit of what I’d read in Fluttershy’s words just moments before.

My ears wilted and shame heated my cheeks.

“I-I’m sorry, Balmy. I didn’t mean to say anything rude. This is… a little new to me,” I admitted.

“O-oh,” he replied, hiding behind his long-ish mane. “No, I’m sorry for yelling. I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t yell, Balmy,” I replied, quirking an eyebrow at him. “I just realised that I’d kinda put my hoof in my mouth.” I sighed. “Sorry, this… again, this whole friendship thing is kinda new. Up until a year or so ago, I only had me. And after that, it was just Glitter, and only then when I got to see her. Which wasn’t very often now I think of it.”

Balmy very lightly lay his wing across my back. This was normal. This was what normal, good ponies did. They touched each other when they wanted to offer comfort. He was trying. I could try too.

“I-I’m sorry to hear that. That… doesn’t sound fun at all. It sounds very lonely. And it’s never good to feel lonely,” he said softly. “If you have any questions about the friendship lessons we’re being taught, please ask. Or if you d-don’t want to talk to me, please feel free to ask Puddle or Emmy or Sour or Sagi. I won’t claim to be an expert, but we try.”

That was as much as I could bear. I shrank away a little from his wing before responding.

“I will. I just hate not being good at something,” I admitted, staring at the oak floor beneath my hooves. “And it seems like something I’ve screwed up pretty badly already.”

Balmy withdrew the offending wing. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts, then frowned.

“I don’t think any of this is supposed to be easy,” he said hesitantly. “But I think the important part is giving it a try. I probably wouldn’t be as, um, confident as I am if it weren’t for my friends.”

The vulnerability in his voice drew my head up. I knitted my brows together in an expression of what I hoped came across as earnest concern, wordlessly urging him to continue.

“I… that’s probably a story for another time,” he whispered, looking away. “But if you want to know, all you have to do is ask.”

Shit. Did I screw that up? But it didn’t feel like a door had been slammed in my face. No, it felt like one was being opened for me, and all I needed to do was walk through.

“I-I do want to know, Balmy,” I said, stepping through that doorway. “I’ll also pre-emptively apologize for fucking this up badly.”

“O-oh, no. I don’t think you’ll do that,” Balmy said with a great deal more confidence in me than I felt for myself. “I just… When we talk, I hope you don’t think differently of me.”

I frowned at him as his words once again mirrored my own thoughts. This boy was going to be the death of me, I could feel it!

“I… There’s very few things anypony has ever said to me that made me change my views of them drastically. I don’t think you need to worry about that.”

I hoped that I sounded comforting. I really couldn’t slip as easily back into my heartmender mode lately, so he got the standard, useless lumpy tato. Whatever that was worth.

Balmy smiled shyly at me before tilting his head toward the library entrance.

“Well, that’s… good to hear? I think? But we should probably get going if we want to get lunch with the others at the canteen.”

“Oh, I’m not-” My stomach cut off my protests about not being that hungry. “Nevermind…”

As Balmy and I stepped in, we found Puddle, Bubblegum, Glitter, Emerald, Sour Drops, and a batpony that I didn’t recognize at the biggest table in the Stable’s canteen. Balmy had told me on the way over that most ponies would buy lunches from the Commissary. Since we were new to the Stable, Rhiannon had made sure that we would have meal passes for the Canteen. The little restaurant was a buzz of activity in the early afternoon hours, and were quickly waved over by our friends.

I giggled as I watched the group of Stable ponies try to squeeze in around Bubblegum and Glitter. My taller friends were pressed closely together, and I might even have seen the ghost of a blush on Bubblegum’s cheeks as Glitter’s flanks pressed up against his.

“We need a bigger booth!” Emerald protested as she scooted closer to Sour Drops. “Move over, Sagitarrius!”

The batpony sighed and scooted a little closer to Bubblegum, freeing up just enough space for Balmy and I to squeeze in. A part of me said we should just ask for a chair, but another part of me was laughing its ass off watching everypony else awkwardly squashed together.

“So who’s the new pegasus?” the navy blue batpony asked.

Sour Drops rolled her eyes. “If you’d been to class on time, Sagi, you’d know.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean to sleep through my alarm!”

“I’m Threnody,” I said, trying to save a bit of the colt’s dignity. “Um, thank you for meeting Glitter, Bubblegum, and I for lunch.”

Sagi waved a wing.

“Hey, it’s on Rhiannon. I’m always up for free lunch!” he said with a fangy grin. “Otherwise I’d’ve had to go back to my apartment and beg my mom to make me lunch cause I forgot this morning.”

Sour laid her ears back. “Again? You are always doing that!”

“Yeah, Sagi!” Emerald added. “It’s half the reason why I’ve been needing to make bigger lunches lately. I don’t make them because I like you or anything. It’s because I know you’ll forget.”

Sagi blushed. “I don’t mean to, but even with school starting at ten in the morning, that’s like… the middle of the night for us Nocturnals!”

“It’s pretty early for my tastes too,” I admitted. “Waking up earlier than noon feels like cruel and unusual punishment.”

“See! The new pega gets it!” Sagi exclaimed, pointing a hoof at me and nearly smacking Bubblegum with a leathery wing. “I keep saying we should start in the afternoon, but no one listens to me.”

“Dude, watch the wings,” Bubblegum muttered.

“You’re just saying that because you’re not a morning person, Sagi,” Puddle said with a grin. “If you were more like me, you’d love mornings!”

“Morning creatures are a plague upon society,” Sagi muttered. I found myself agreeing with him.

Puddle pouted as Glitter lightly patted her head with a hoof.

“I think mornings are fun, but I think I like pancakes better than mornings,” Glitter admitted.

Several stomachs growled in unison, reminding us that if we kept talking, we’d be going back to class hungry.

As if on cue, a tan pegasus mare with a sandy blonde mane trotted up.

“Hey, kids! What can I get’cha today?” she asked.

Bubblegum breathed an audible sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank goddesses it’s you, Gara,” he said. “I was afraid I’d have to deal with another one of Sonata’s attempts to make me try something new!”

Gara quirked an eyebrow at Bubblegum. “Ah, you’re talking about the Marionberry pie, aren’t you?”

“I am pretty sure that bat is trying to kill me!”

Gara rolled her eyes. “I mean, I can always ask Gael if he’ll add marionberries to the pancakes I’m sure you’re gonna order.”

“Please no! Beautiful mare, have mercy!”

Gara decided to take pity and simply took our orders. I’d barely had time to look over the menu, but pancakes were such a rarity in the wasteland that I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. Glitter, Bubblegum, and I ordered breakfast foods, while the other ponies ordered sandwiches.

“Gael, I need a side of marionberries for this strapping young colt out here!” Gara called into the kitchen as she trotted toward the diner’s ordering window.

A gryphon stuck his head out of the window, a chef’s cap on his head.

“Gara, goddesses love you, but no. If he’s not going to eat it, I’m not wasting good berries on tasteless philistines who won’t appreciate them!”

“But he’s so fun to tease!”

“You’re fun to tease, but you don’t see me laying you across the bar and whipping your flanks now do you?”

“Promises, promises…”

I decided to tune out their conversation before things got any weirder.

“Are those two together?” I asked.

“Gara and Gael?” Puddle asked. “Yeah, they’ve been married for a couple of years now, right?”

Emerald nodded in agreement.

“They’re a little weird, but they’re good folks.” She turned to Bubblegum. “So what’s your deal with poor Sonata? She always loves giving ponies new things to try!”

“I don’t like fruit,” Bubblegum said simply. “And she tried to serve me these weird pancakes with partially dried rubbery things that reminded me of BBs dropped in taint.”

“You don’t like blueberry pancakes?” Glitter asked, looking sad. “But they are the bestest! And they’re purple!”

“The juice stains and gets everywhere!” Bubblegum protested.

I chuckled at the exchange.

“Well, big bad Bubblegum, meanest merc’ in the wasteland, and here he is, failing at grown-up things like eating fruit!” I teased.

Bubblegum bristled. “Look, I do plenty of grown-up shit. And who are you to talk? It’s not like you’re any more mature than the rest of us!”

“I am totally grown up!” I protested, struggling to find a shred of proof . “I am totally grown up because I. Drink. Milk!”

Sour gurgled and pounded on her chest, nearly dropping the glass of milk she’d just taken a sip from as I’d made my bold and true statement. She desperately tried to swallow and not spray the entire table.

The rest of us ducked for cover as Emerald, brave soul that she was, tried to offer encouraging words.

“Just swallow it! You’ve got this! Just take it down your throat! You’re fine!” she shrieked before trying to wiggle under the table.

Sour managed to swallow her milk, and glared at Emerald.

“What in the nine hells was that, Emmy? Just take it down your throat!?”

Emerald turned bright red. “I… was panicking! Words didn’t work right!”

“I could stand to hear a little more,” Sagi muttered, leering across the table at Emerald.

The unicorn sniffed and looked away from him.

“The hell kinda books are required reading in this Stable?” Bubblegum asked, smirking at Emerald. “I mean, this makes me wanna read’em more if they’re all this spicy!”

Emerald made a choking sound that was not unlike the one Sour had just made, causing the colts to laugh. Well, except for Balmy. He’d been rather quiet through most of the exchange.

“Hey, are you okay?” I whispered to him as Emmy started to menace Sagi with a fork.

The colt looked up at me. “Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry, just… thinking and stuff. And I’m usually pretty quiet when we all hang out.”

“Oh, I hear that,” I said, a smile gracing the corners of my cheeks as I watched Glitter bap Bubbles on the side for something he said. “Groups are kinda…”

“Loud? Uncomfortable? Stressful?” he asked.

“All of the above, really,” I admitted. The others continued to chat amongst themselves. “Is everything okay, though? Rhiannon said you had an appointment.”

I desperately wished that I could sense what he was feeling, but I couldn’t, and the sudden, stone-faced expression Balmy took on told me I’d asked a little too much.

“Oh, just… stuff. Nothing super big,” he said, waving a hoof. “Oh look! Food!”

I looked up as Gara balanced our lunch on her wings and back, expertly depositing a rather delicious array of food in front of us. The others tore into their food as I picked at my stack of golden pancakes thoughtfully.

I couldn’t feel anything from the others, but... did I really have to feel them to know something was up? Balmy looked cagey when I’d asked him about his appointment. When I looked over at Glitter and Puddle, the pair of them laughed as they tried pieces of the other’s meals. But I could tell that Puddle was forcing it sometimes. Her smile didn’t always reach her eyes.

And while Bubblegum was trying to play it cool, his eyes kept darting to the corners of the room. He’d picked the only booth in the Canteen that let you see all exits at once, and every now and then he’d grit his teeth when he thought no one was looking.

“H-hey, your pancakes are gonna get cold,” Balmy chided gently. “They’re not as good that way!”

Oh. Right. Food.

I took a few bites of the pancakes. Then several more. Sweet Luna these were delicious! I’d nearly inhaled my plate when I looked up to see everyone staring at me.

“What?” I asked, suddenly afraid I had butter and maple syrup all over my barding. “Is something on my face?”

Puddle looked like she was about to cry. “Th-thren? Are you okay?” she asked.

The mixed group of ponies were all giving me concerned looks? Why were they all looking so worried? I was actually eating for once!

I blinked, and then felt a hot tear run down my cheek. I… was crying. Why was I crying? Why were stupid pancakes making me cry?

I let out a small sob, realizing it wasn’t the pancakes that were making me cry: it was my friends. Puddle’s pained laughter, Glitter’s quietness, Bubblegum checking the corners for threats. Even Balmy, who I wasn’t sure I could count as a friend yet, with his sudden shutting me out reminded me that we weren’t okay. I was so used to being the one who could see into glass houses that now that everyone was seeing into mine, I was scared, uncertain, and left with a cold sense of guilt.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I curled my forelegs around myself. Damnit, it was my fault! All of this!

Puddle got up out of her seat and rushed over to me, wrapping her forelegs around my middle as she cried into my shoulder. Balmy put his wing over my back and Puddle’s foreleg. I looked up through my tears to see that Glitter had broken down and was crying on Bubblegum’s shoulder. Even Bubblegum looked stressed out as Sagi, Sour, and Emerald looked like they were trying to figure out what to do.

“We’re not okay,” Bubblegum said quietly, and I looked up at him. “Look, we might as well own it. That… forest fucked us up.”

Puddle sniffled on my shoulder, then nodded. “That… was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced, and… that on top of everything that happened in Fold…” she started, only to trail off into sniffles.

I didn’t know what to say, and I felt like drowning under my self-recrimination. If anything else, we’d just made the four Stable ponies who’d never been through the hell that was the Red Forest very anxious. Talking about it made me feel like I’d just spent an hour throwing rocks inside my own house of glass.

“I’m so sorry. That… was all my fault…”

“Oh fucking bullshit, Threnody!” Bubblegum snapped. “Yeah, you wanted to go to Stable 9, but you knew it would help the Followers, that it’d be a way to try and help fix things between the Stable and Fold after… after everything that happened to Puddle,” he said, his voice quavering slightly as he looked over at Puddle. “But we decided to go with you. Hell, logic says that I should have taken my pay and gone back to the Hoof. Glitter should have stayed with Callie and Dry Clean Only, but we didn’t and here we are. So yeah, we’re all fucking wrecked by what happened, but that doesn’t mean it’s all your fault.”

“Not your fault, Threnody,” Glitter said softly.

I didn’t want to believe them. They all had gotten brain damage in the Forest. That was the only rational explanation. Because, otherwise, that meant I had far less control over my life than I thought, and that particular thought scared the shit out of me. The only way I functioned was if I was in control. And if I wasn’t… I didn’t know how to live.

“Hey, I think you all need some time here,” Sagi said, speaking up for the first time. “Like, I can’t relate to what you’ve been through. We all know that the Red Forest is basically Uncle Necromo’s Happy Fun Time Murder Hole, but that doesn’t mean we get it. Still… I don’t think you can blame yourselves for being upset. It’s only been a few days. I’d be more worried if you weren’t at least two ways of fucked up after that.”

Sour nodded before speaking. “I don’t know that ponies were meant to handle what you went through, and it sounds so scary.” She shivered. “But we’re here for you. You all brought Puddle back safe and sound. Maybe, just maybe, let us try to help. Even if it means just giving hugs or listening when you need to cry it out.”

“I’m not super good at the whole supporting thing,” Emerald admitted, “but I want my friends to be happy.” She lit her horn and teleported beside Puddle and wrapped her forelegs around the little earth pony in a hug. “So whatever I can do – and I’ll probably be super awkward about it – tell me.”

The sincerity of these Stable ponies we didn’t know – these strangers – threw me off, and apparently Bubblegum too, since he looked as confused as I felt. Glitter spread a wing around Bubblegum’s back, and lay it across Sagi’s shoulders.

“Thank you, Soggy Terrace.”

It was a simple thing. Glitter’s malapropisms were something all of us had learned to live with, even if they were sometimes nigh-impossible to parse, but at that moment, it broke us. Six of us broke into a fit of giggles as Bubblegum desperately tried to get Glitter to pronounce Sagi’s full name correctly.

“Oh, I am so sorry!” Glitter said, sounding ashamed.

Sour waved her wing. “Oh, no. No, you’re fine, Glitter. We’re sorry for laughing. I know you’re trying hard to get a handle on that, but this gives me ammo to tease Sagi for weeks.”

“Hey!”

“Honestly, Glitter, you have been using fewer and fewer malapropisms recently. I think those school lessons are doing good things for you,” Bubblegum added, petting Glitter’s mane. “Your words just got confused at just the right time to make us all laugh a little. But we are sorry for laughing.”

Glitter blushed at the attention Bubblegum gave her, and covered her muzzle with a wing.

“I have been trying to not… mess up as much,” she admitted. “But thank you for apologizing.”

A short cough caught our attention as Gara trotted over. She had a tray of cupcakes on her back.

“I… couldn’t help but overhear you all. I want you to have these. On the house,” she said, setting the plate down on our table. “And take your time. I’ll write a note for miss Aria that says you all had some emergency friendship lessons.”

The cupcakes were delicious, and while I wasn’t sure if this counted as an emergency friendship lesson, we were all grateful for the note that let us be late back to class.

Miss Aria kept me after class to let me know that she wanted to meet with Rhiannon and I later that week to formally get me assessed for ‘my education level.’ I wasn’t sure how long she thought I would be staying in the Stable, so the entire idea seemed silly to me, but I told her I would pass her request on to Rhiannon.

I was annoyed that the adults here were treating Rhiannon like she was my mom. Sandalwood had tried that, and it had worked out so fucking well for me. Clearly this mare who I’d met a little over a week ago was super mom material. Because, obviously, I couldn’t take care of things all by myself.

I let myself stew in my dark mood all the way back to Rhiannon’s house. The day had been exhausting, and the one thing I felt I’d learned from Stable 9’s friendship lessons was that they were emotionally draining. It was terrifying being around ponies who wanted you to be vulnerable with them. Placing trust in… friendship? Was that it? It was not an easy thing to do or even consider.

I opened the door to the Lilac House, and mumbled what might charitably be described as a greeting to Rhiannon before collapsing on a pile of pillows.

“How are you feeling, Threnody?” Rhiannon asked from the small kitchen. The pan on the fire sizzled as she added something to whatever dish she was making.

“Tired,” I called back, my voice muffled by the pillow I’d face-planted into.

“Well, you made it through the day! And you even managed to finish out school today. I’m very proud of you,” she replied, making scraping sounds with a spatula.

I frowned into the pillow. I hadn’t done anything worthy of praise. I just did what I was told, and nothing more. Hell, I’d only just barely done that! I hadn’t even made it an hour this morning before Balmy saved me by getting me out of class.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, Threnody, but I can feel how negative they are, and that they’re aimed towards yourself,” Rhiannon admonished gently. “I’ve noticed you do that a lot.”

Great, now I was getting all heartmended. Yay.

“I know, I know. Stop doing it, Threnody, right?” I growled grumpily at myself. “Just do better, Threnody.”

“Actually, I was going to ask why you seemed to direct your feelings inward. The only time you really express things is when you have moments of sadness where your feelings flare up, or when you snap at ponies because you can’t hold it in anymore. You’re like an emotional star that tries its best to not have flare-ups. But when you’re having one, it’s a bit of a doozy for you to weather.”

“I-” I paused for a moment, thinking about what she’d just said. I did spend a lot of time trying to keep my emotions in check. It was necessary when working with clients, but… I also did kinda do that by default. It wasn’t something I could really shut off. I was just always going back to stuffing things down, and stuffing them down harder when they tried to bubble up.

“It’s hard not to do that,” I admitted, standing up. “I mean, they’re my feelings, and I’m a heartmender! It’s not like I should make other ponies deal with my crap.”

“I think everypony needs somepony to help them deal with their, ah, ‘crap,’ as you put it. Heartmenders especially. We’re much more vulnerable to things like burnout when we don’t have others’ support to keep us going when the night is dark,” Rhiannon said thoughtfully. “So, what makes you so special as a young heartmender that you feel like you don’t need to follow the same rules as other ponies?”

The fact that I’d basically raised myself? That other ponies were unknowns that I didn’t understand and thus feared? That, even though Fluttershy had said I needed to show my true self, it didn’t mean ponies would like that person?

“I’ve just handled things on my own for most of my life,” I replied haughtily. “Besides, that means bringing other ponies close. Aren’t we supposed to stay detached as heartmenders?”

“Are you sure it’s that, Threnody? Or are you afraid of letting others close to you?”

Why, so I could make it easier for them to stab me in the back? My tongue locked up as Rhiannon saw through to the heart of what I was spewing. I stared at her, hoping that she’d let it drop if I remained still enough.

She tilted her head to the side, then sighed.

“I’m not wrong, am I?” she asked, her voice filled with very thinly veiled concern. Again, she was doing that thing where she treated me like a hurting pony, and it was maddening. “You’re afraid of what others might think of you if they knew the real you?”

Desperately so.

I couldn’t look her in the eyes as I fought my tongue into motion. It took a bit, but I finally was able to reply.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“I…” I trailed off, then stamped a hind hoof as I tried to figure out how to explain things to this maddening mare. Ponies couldn’t be trusted not to hurt me. Couldn’t she fucking see that!?

Rhiannon pulled the skillet off of the burner she was using, and trotted over to me. She lay down on her belly so she was eye level with me again, a habit of hers I was rapidly finding frustrating.

“Whatever you’ve been through, Threnody, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve your friends’ love. I feel like there’s this messy swirl of emotions holding your heart hostage at the moment. So much so that I’m not even sure you know how to express your feelings for whatever has happened to you. There’s the weight of a neutron star sitting on your soul, and I know it’s not just... because of what’s happened to you recently.

“You deserve to have the space to let it all out. I don’t expect you to take that space right now, but I want you to know that it’s yours if you choose to walk through that door,” she paused, tilting her head to the side as she let her ears droop. “I get the impression that a lot of adults in your life have failed you... badly, and I don’t expect you to trust me to be any better. I just want to offer you the space to talk and express yourself, a space where you won’t feel so… vulnerable.”

I was halfway to trying to run to my room and hide from her kindness, but I stayed still. I nodded, making sure she knew I was listening to what she was saying. I didn’t like what she was saying, because it hurt like so many icicles of truth, dropped from on high and stabbing into my hide. But I still listened.

Because she was right. Expressing myself scared the shit out of me, and made me feel vulnerable. I felt like I could only remove so many shields and layers of emotional armour before there was nothing left of me. And, to be honest, even I wasn’t sure what lay beneath all of those emotional defenses. I wasn’t sure I’d like the tiny, ruined remnant of a pony that festered down there like so much slimy ashes, let alone feel safe enough to let anypony else see her.

I turned away from her, arching my back and holding my wings shut defensively before I answered her.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” I admitted, my entire body screaming at me that she was going to react badly to that.

Rhiannon smiled instead.

“That’s okay too. I just wanted you to know that door’s open for you, Threnody. Walk through on your own terms.”

Every part of me hurt from how tensely I was holding myself. When Rhiannon didn’t make a move toward me, I slowly started retreating toward my room. She patiently watched me, not stopping me when I closed the door.

I couldn’t take it! She wasn’t coming after me, yelling at me, demanding that I tell her everything so she could tell me how wrong I was! She didn’t throw things at me, hit me for talking back! How was I supposed to know when it was safe with her!?

I buried myself underneath the blue quilt on my bed and tried to stop myself from shaking. This Stable was too confusing. It was too kind. Too caring!

So why did a part of those things have to feel so nice?

T-minus 16 Days

Author's Notes:

I ACTUALLY GOT THIS OUT! FINALLY! A relatively slow November meant that I was able to get this written faster than I thought I would. Side note: the title is a play on a song by the Mountain Goats called 'Hast Thou Considered the Tetrapod?' It's a song about the things you learn to protect when you're dealing with a parent who decides to become a man-made catastrophe every few days. The Eohippus was the earliest evolutionary relative of the modern horse, so... I sorta went with that.

Hopefully I won't make y'all wait so long next time!