Author's Notes:

There, this chapter has THREE editors. If some of you still find mistakes...somehow then really, who cares.

Nobody here is a professional. This is all about fun and creativity, while of course making it as perfect looking as possible.

Just contradicted myself there. GREAT!

“Ah,” I sighed with relief. “Those sand burn lotions that I asked Gilgi for really do work wonders. Note to self, never try to cross the desert in nothing but flip flops.” I reminded myself out loud as I made myself comfortable on my couch.

What? Did somebody really think that I was discussing secret alchemical weapons or magical potions with him? That’s silly. I was actually asking him for a remedy for the slightly burned skin on my feet that I got when I was trudging through that desert with nothing but flip flops… again. The same flip flops I wore when I first came to this world.

Because what person would ever expect that his or her own backdoor would eventually turn into a magical portal that would prove both the existence of different dimensions and the multiverse at the same time?

Yeah, I might not be a scientist or anything, but I might have already considered myself to be greater than Einstein himself. Simply because of the fact that it took me ZERO effort in proving something that pretty much all of the scientific community is still debating on.

With ZERO use of complex mathematics and thinking, too!

Where the hell is my Nobel prize for this achievement, and my eternal place in the hall of fame for the hall of fames? None? Okay, I guess it's true what they say, true genius is always neglected at the very end.

But I am getting off track again, not really the best of times to get lost in thoughts when you still have a baby dragon to feed. No, not gems, but actually something that would help her to grow and stuff.

A healthy and very simple bottle of Zebra milk… no, really. When I first found out that everybody were literally feeding her with the milk coming from a Zebra’s tits I was of course flabbergasted, or on the brink of laughing so hard that they might as well have started to look for another king to do their kinks for them. Especially, according to the servant who brought me the bottle, Penelope's original two caretakers never bothered to ask or get a bottle the same way I did.

Really makes you think, doesn’t it?

But besides that, I just shrugged and took the bottle from the kind enough servant before ramming a piece of cheese into her mouth. Why? Because I have a table supporting a silver plate with a lot of cheese on it.

That’s it.

Anyway, because of the fact that her substitutes have managed to epically fail at their otherwise very simple and ONE job while also somehow managing to set the curtains on fire, it was basically now up to me to fully care for this little bundle of a Spyro knock off until her original caretakers return from their vacation and breast feed her.

No, we are not talking about Cynder, because her introduction was taking place in a moment where Spyro games were taking a nosedive.

Not sure how it feels to have sharp little teeth nibbling on your naked nipples, but hey, it’s not my nipples she will be feasting on, so I really don’t care whom she is dishonoring with her razor sharp Jalapeños.

But what I do care about is getting her fed so that I can start feeding myself, that also involves something with milk.

Cornflakes, or whatever substitute of cornflakes they do have in this land. It’s made out of cocoa beans as far as I have heard, which is fine as I do love chocolate.

Like any normal HUMAN BEING!!! *Stares into space with great intensity*

Oh wait… I don’t belong to THAT group, but I still like chocolate regardless.

With all said and done… in my head, I grabbed the bottle next to me while at the same time grabbing Penelope from her pen to my left. I sat back down onto my ROYAL COUCH that was covered in silk, because… why not?

I played a little bit of “catch the bottle” with her before stopping my trolling and actually giving her the damn bottle. Things quickly went serene and quiet afterwards, with the only sound coming from Penelope as she suckled on her bottle like there’s no tomorrow. No, really, she was already halfway done before I even had the chance to look at something else within the room. That little lady can drink. Now I understand why it said “feed her with two bottles” in the notes that the two caretakers originally provided but nobody read. Well, except me, because I want to keep myself looking at least a little bit more intelligent in comparison to those four jokers.

It’s all about image. If you can make yourself look good, then everybody will believe you. Just look at Donald Trump. If he can become the President of the nationalists, then I can certainly become a king when I spend enough time in front of a mirror.

Oh, wait, that already happened. Oh, whatever.

I was seriously about to let myself go into this “peace and serenity” when someone else’s random knocking put a big fat stop sign on it. I even managed to drop the bottle out of surprise.

I was, of course, annoyed while Penelope was just doing her “Habba habba” despite her missing bottle. This situation was even more agitating when this was supposed to be “Meine Mittagsruhe” in the same way my parents always used to do, while I was busy fucking about outside the house, doing some stupid shit that little kids of my age back then were prone to do.

Why? Because the internet wasn’t as prominent back then as it is today, that’s why. You either had a PC, a PlayStation 2, or a GameCube to waste your time indoors during the early two thousands. No Xbox, because this was Europe and not Canada. Why Canada? Because I want to piss off some nationalists, that’s why.

EAT MY LEDERHOSENS, YOU MCDONALDS WORSHIPPING PEOPLE! CLICHÉ STEREOTYPES FOR EVERYONE!

I grumbled before “oh so reluctantly” getting off of my multi thousand euro couch and making myself walk to the door. I could have also called out to this “störenfried” that the door was unlocked and that he or she could come in to ME, and not ME to them. But I wasn’t thinking that far ahead until I already reached the door.

I grabbed the handle with my free hand and opened it, only to find Bakuss with a “thing” wrapped up on his back. My first idea was fan mail -for some reason- until I realized that I never had a Facebook account or any account on any social media besides Youtube. But I am the King now, so… yeah, whatever, also that thing looked a bit too alive to be considered a back of crag. So that theory got shafted rather quickly.

I raised an eyebrow at this curious scene. “I didn’t know that slavery was part of the Zebrican culture.” I casually remarked while Penelo was tugging at my shirt somewhat.

Bakuss just shook his head. “It’s not a slave, Your Highness, but a prisoner that I captured down in the town. A rather unique prisoner to boot.” He explained which again peaked my interest.

“Oh, an UNIQUE Prisoner, you say? Unique enough to bring it straight to me and not just throw it into a hole and tell me later about it kind of unique? Now that’s... now that’s unique right there.” I answered typically, which in turn made Bakuss nod to either me, or to himself.

“Which is EXACTLY why I have brought this thing to you after having first presented it to the Council. I am sure that YOU of all individuals would be able to make this thing talk where the entire Council failed.” He explained which basically… answers nothing.

Especially given the fact that he first went to the Council with that “thing”. So maybe not as “unique” as I first thought it would be… or was.

But then again, his logic does make sense as it is just a copy-paste version of my own logic. They learn so fast these days.

I just blew a raspberry as it didn’t seem to be a chance for me to properly enjoy “Meine Mittagsruhe”. Well, to be honest, it kind of IS. Being the freaking king and all. But as I said many times before, image is everything, so me doing this or not doing this might eventually bite me is the ass one way or another, and seeing the sharp fangs on that thing might actually hold some levity to that statement.

The choice was clear. First take a quick piss before heading to the throne room for this “interrogation”. Why the throne room and not just here? Well, no real reason, to be honest.

Not everything you do or think about needs to make sense. Even nonsense can make sense in the end. Just look at American Idols and the hundreds of clones that spawn from it, there is your answer.

“Give me a sec to take a piss, then we can go to the room of thrones and have a closer look at that fun package you have brought with you.” I instructed.

Bakuss just nodded as a response before I walked back into my room to do just that.

Kind of escaped me at the beginning that I still had to finish Penelo's feeding. But hey, I am sure that they also deliver MARE milk to the throne room as well. That’s what the armrests are for, anyway... or so I think. Which, for everybody's sake, is never good.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“…and you shall sit here.” I casually declared while placing Penelope on her cushioned pedestal next to my throne.

She just mumbled happily in her baby talk, which really never gets old.

I sat down myself afterwards and gave the pile of cushions under me a little test wiggle to make sure that everything was comfortable and in order.

I don’t want to have to ask Gilgi for sore ass lotions too. That would just be embarrassing at that point. For him, not for me.

I gave Bakuss my full attention once more when everything was said and done. The thing behind him was still tied up and unconscious. Other extra additions were the Palace guards, which by the way, have doubled around the throne when I announced to take this interrogation to the most wide open space within the entire compound. Not really the best place to uphold a close up look at an unknown species, but whatever, as I said before, not everything needs to make sense.

That, and the fact that IMAGE is everything. Sitting on a big ass bronze throne with massive lion heads protruding from it does make things look a little bit more foreboding and powerful for the observer. Certainly a lot more epic than a simple chair and a dinky wooden table.

I gave Bakuss the signal to begin this charade. He nods before just uncaringly dropping the bag to the ground, which, actually, did the trick in getting the thing to start stirring and groaning. Funny, I would have tried using smelling salts or, for more extreme situations, my cousins’ cooking. But since none of my countless cousins are here, I would be forced to just use option number one. Or just throw rotten eggs at his face.

Not sure where I could find rotten eggs in a Palace, but whatever.

I leaned forward on my throne as the thing started to wake up. Its pupil-less eyes and shiny chitin-like surface were immediate attention hooks, especially when I managed to have some glimpses of its limbs when they started to move outside its brown cloth coverings.

I perked up at those as I immediately recognized them as hooves. Hole ridden hooves, but hooves nonetheless. Also, the sound of insect wings began to buzz from under its cloak as well, which pretty much gave me everything I needed to know about its size, its body structure and shape of the head.

“Oh, it's a bug horse.” I casually commented which in turn caused the BUG to immediately look up at me with a snarl.

“I am NOT a simple bug horse.” He shouted which immediately earned him more pressure on his back, coming from Bakuss’ hoof, to be precise.

I guess it was a he, judging by his voice, even though it sounded as if two voices were speaking at once. A very easy editing anyone can make on any computer.

I think.

The THING grunted in response before trying to push against it, only to be forced down even harder as Bakuss just added even more pressure to his stance. With him still tied up, he was obviously in a huge strength disadvantage.

Realizing this he quickly stopped his struggling. He just laid there for a while face down before looking up again, his glare still present and still very much aimed at me, even though I have never met him nor touched him. That, though, shall be fixed soon, as I suddenly found myself re-experiencing my childlike curiosity at seeing something new, exotic and overall unknown. A sensation that every child gets when seeing something new and never seen before in their young little lives.

In other words, he or she needs to TOUCH IT.

I got up from my throne without warning and casually made my way down. Bakuss, the guards and even Horsey McBug were all staring me as I descended the steps towards them. Bakuss, of course, was the first to protest.

“Your Highness, I wouldn’t advise to…” He tried to warn before being cut off by the very thing he was standing on.

The bug horse immediately began to hiss at me fiercely when I got too close, causing all of the guards to immediately draw their swords and point their spears at the offending thing.

I, of course, stopped mid stride at the creature’s sudden hiss. Everybody were on edge at this point, except for Bakuss, who didn’t bother to increase his pressure as he didn’t want it to suffocate the thing before I could even get a word out to it. Well, my fifth word, to be honest, but it’s the thought that counts, just like how I counted the first four words I uttered to this thing.

I need to find better ways in spending my time. Like, maybe getting back to my room and enjoy “Meine Mittagsruhe” LIKE HOW I WANTED TO!

MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GIVE THE CROWN TO BAKUSS AND RETIRE EARLY. Oh, wait, the crown is still missing somewhere in the Gazelle lands.

Never mind, then.

Ah, for fudge’s sake, I am getting lost again.

I quickly returned, dropping my left leg back down and just looking down at the still snarling form of that bug horse thing. Its long fangs, that scrunched up muzzle and those blue oversized eyes. Then it hit me.

Despite all protests and continuous hisses coming from the bug, I still continued to approach until I was literally right on top of him. Pushing Bakuss aside and picking the still protesting bug thing up, I simply looked at him while he just looked at me with that same angry look.

I quickly grinned. “Oh, look at you, trying to look all scary and shit.” I cooed which replaced his anger with complete confusion really quickly. Well, too bad, as he will most likely be even more confused later on.

I continued to hold the surprisingly light creature with one arm as I booped his nose. As predicted, the confusion only skyrocketed from that point.

“Ooh, I just love it when little tiny monsters are trying so hard to be all intimidating, but fail simply because their appearance and body structure just prevents them to look even remotely scary.” I announced before continuing on. “Who is a scary little bug horse? You are, yes, you are.” I baby talked while booping its nose with almost every word.

Everybody, especially the bug horse I was holding, were utterly lost as I just continued to baby talk to the thing.

Well, that moment of confused bliss didn’t last for too long as the bug horse suddenly sported a rather dopey look on his muzzle, perfectly reminiscing to someone who is either high or drunk as fuck.

How? Well, I would LOVE to know that myself, to be honest. I personally find this sudden change in character to be… too sudden, even for my liking. Such sudden changes are usually my thing and not normal people’s.

Well, he might not be AS normal as I’d like to think, mostly revolving around his Frankenstein-esque appearance. The crossbreed between an insect and one of those tiny horse creatures. But then again, I am in a world where the laws of Final Fantasy or Elder Scrolls are an actual thing, so… no surprise here, or at least it shouldn’t be.

Anyway, let’s just get back on track, shall we? For, like… 4.567.234.675th time in my life. Counting is a lot different than actual math, I’d like to add. Always hated it and was never really good at it besides the basics.

Anyway, I stopped my cooing and just rose my eyebrow at this sudden change of character. Even Bakuss seemed bewildered by his sudden switch.

“Your Love tastes REALLY goooooood.” He suddenly and drunkenly stated, which only caused my eyebrow to raise even higher.

“Love?” I began.” What love? Are you already going gay on me?” I suspiciously questioned. I had a lot of gays to deal with back in the Philippines, mostly in barber shops, being forced to let them cut my hair.

Yes, I am a German who lived in the Philippines prior to coming here, which is also why the sudden shift from tropics to desert was hardly a bother for me. Especially when in certain times of the year, even the tropics close to the equator can become just as hot as any desert in the world.

I think it’s called El Niño or something like that. A very hot drought season where there are next to no clouds in the sky. Can’t really check my sources about it simply because I no longer have access to the internet for very obvious reasons.

I just kept on suspiciously staring at this newly found lover boy, before something else quickly took my attention. It was a poke, a poke aimed at my stomach, to be precise, and a very reminiscing poke at that. I looked down to see what exactly was poking my abdomen only for me to get confused.

At first I didn’t know what I was looking at, when all of the sudden my childlike side quickly gave way to my more “MATURE” side and I immediately knew EXACTLY what I was looking at.

“This is the very first boner I ever saw since coming to this world.” I thought to myself casually. Granted, the first boner I ever saw in this world was from Najero, but that thing was so far away and so deep inside Nami’s hole which really doesn’t make it count in my book.

Now this, this was a much more proper representation of someone getting hard… on me… while I was holding them… bloody fantastic…

The choice was clear — drop this lover boy and pretend that THIS never happened. All the cuteness and adorableness that used to be there is now completely and utterly gone, smashed and thrown out of the window with one decisive move. Another prime example that Nature is a total bitch.

I have seen enough gay shit back in Philippines barber shops and I certainly don’t need to see more of it. I mean, it is nice to know that you are loved and all, but this certainly is overstepping some boundaries.

You can be gay all you want, but please keep it in your pants, or I might get nightmares instead of my usual fever dreams. Granted, I might be a lucid dreamer, but still, I would love to start my journey through the La La Land without the image of a mountain sized dick greeting me.

I would rather prefer a mountain of tits, but alas. Think of the children. Those nasty little children.

Anyway, the dude gave off a loud “oof” when I dropped him butt first onto the carpet. Bakuss was the first to step up, only to stop when he saw the Glory of Nature himself.

I think he was just as surprised and confused as I was, but it all doesn’t matter now as we still have a fellow MALE with a serious emergency.

There is only one way to get gayness out of his system and maybe to shove this interrogation work to someone else instead.

I still want to enjoy “Meine Mittagsruhe”, after all, still have a baby dragon to properly feed.

I immediately pointed at the closest guard. “You there, go get a female servant immediately. Tell her that her king wishes to see her about a very important emergency.” I ordered.

The guard just bowed before dashing off to do my bidding, without even bothering to ask any questions, mind you.

Good, for whatever future ideas I have that are either unethical, crazy, unorthodox or just plain out strange, I might need some REAL unquestioning soldiers that are ready to do almost anything.

Like, right now, but you all will find out soon enough what I have in mind, so I really don’t need to explain this to anyone. Plus, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what exactly I had in mind, especially when you are past sixteen or even younger.

Thank you, internet, for getting everyone so “frühreif” in the modern age.

The bug horse was, of course, glaring up at me for the unintentional flooring I gave him, though not as HARD though, as he seemed to be drunk on “Love” that I gave him… somehow.

All I did was say that he looked adorable trying to be scary and shit, and BOOM — instant LSD and a serious case of the homos.

Now I wish I had some good LSD myself so that I can get that nasty feeling out of me. It’s bad enough that I get flashed with horsey vaginas, and now horsey dicks too? Why does this world have such a massive hard on for me? All I am doing is the same shit I have been doing back in my world. Is that so sexy over here? I am not even interested in any form of a relationship. Well, besides cheese and coffee, of course.

Wait… coffee gives me LSD effect if I drink enough of it! The next course of action is clear.

I looked over to the second closest guard. “And you, could you please go to the royal kitchen and request a giant kettle of perfectly brewed cappuccino. I certainly need it.” I requested which in turn caused this particular guard to bow as well before dashing off to do his job.

It’s really good to be the king, sometimes… what am I saying, it’s more like ALL THE TIME.

Bakuss was the first to say something after all this nonsense transpired. “So… are you… going to try ask him questions now, or do you want to wait for that mare to DO her job?” He curiously questioned, which was a bit of a surprise.

I guess he knew what I was getting at with my request, but as to why he hasn’t yet protested about it is a lot more interesting thought to focus on.

I just stroked my chin while still looking at the still floored thing in front of us. It surprisingly didn’t take that long for the first guard I sent off to arrive with a mare servant in tow. How he managed to stumble into one I don’t know, and frankly I couldn’t care less about it either. At this point I am just waiting for my LSD to arrive so that I can go visit that Chocolate factory again.

Wonder if Willy also makes chocolate cookies?

The guard bowed after he stopped. “As requested, I have brought a young servant mare to you in earnest, Your Highness.” He responded, which in turn caused the rather good looking mare to step up herself and bow.

I do have to admit, they do all look pretty good in their own black and white Persian way.

She began to speak while keeping low. “One of your guards have told me everything of the situation. Just say the word, and I shall do as you wish.” She declared softly and steadily.

I clapped my hands before pointing at the bug next to me, who had at this point seemed to have realized what has transpired down below and immediately did his best at covering himself with his cloak, which by the way wasn’t that easy on his part as he was obviously still tied up.

I paused for a moment, watching him getting all panicky from his exposure. I eventually looked back at the servant, completely ignoring the noise that was happening next to me. The servant in particular was immediately drawn to our new embarrassed guest, which was good, at least then I didn’t needed to waste my energy in repointing at him.

What can I say? I can be lazy for some of the most miniscule reasons.

“Ah, I see that you have already taken notice of our new guest.” I announced as my trademark grin formed.

“Well, that’s good, because I wish for you to escort this fine...” I moved my finger in quotation. “GUEST over here to a private room where you are instructed to try and get as much information out of him as possible. Either through mental or…” I puckered my lips, “physical means, as I am sure you will find out.” I explained.

She of almost immediately nodded to my request before trotting over to the bug thing. The bug in question looked up at her as the two first had proper eye contact with one another.

Both of them stared at one another with great curiosity. However, only one of them was acting with curiosity, while the other was just staring with suspicion.

The mare eventually smiled kindly at the bug, which in turn caused said bug to visibly blush. It seems my work here is done, and I may have accidentally created a couple with my otherwise lewd ideas.

Alexander, you sneaky little “Schwein”, how do you do it?

No, seriously, how the fuck do I do it? Luckily made King, Superpower jump wall running prototype monkey reflexes, to accidental military strategist, and now, the living embodiment of Cupid. Just find some adult sized diapers and a ridiculously small bow with arrows, and I shall run around shooting people in the butt with them.

Unsharpened arrows, of course, unless the person I am shooting is into that short of thing.

Anyway, we all watched as this spectacle continued.

“Would you like me to untie your bounds for you?” She kindly questioned which again took the bug totally by surprise.

The Bug was obviously still confused by all of this, but he reluctantly nodded, especially when the servant continued to show him hospitality and kindness. Later she might be shooting rainbows from her ass, but I guess I am going a little bit too far with that thought. I blame the fucking Care Bears for that one. Making the term “caring” look and sound really gay and cheesy.

Either way, she did her job in trying to get rid of those knots for him with her bloody dental tools which allowed the bug to stand up. The guards, of course, were on high alert afterwards, ready to jump in and nip him if things went down south. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case as he was still focused on the kind servant mare next to him.

Good, this was a part of my plan anyway. Now his honor as a male has been restored... or maybe he is just bi, who knows.

“Please, follow me while I lead you to your quarters. The Palace can be quite confusing to those who do not know its layout.” She announced.

The Bug again just nodded before following her to whatever room they were heading, silent with no word spoken from him.

It was then when I remembered something. “Wait a second, are you single, by any chance?” I called out towards the servant which in turn caused her to stop and look at me.

“Well… yes, of course, Your Highness. Most of the servants are, to be honest.” She responded. “Why would you ask that, Your Highness?” She quickly questioned, which I swiftly waved off.

“Ah, nothing. Just go ahead and fulfill your task.” I respond which in turn caused her to give a short bow before continuing on with leading the bug to his possible love nest and mind softening.

I clapped my hands together once they were gone through the back door behind the throne, happy that I once again managed to make someone else do my job.

“Ahh, all in a day’s work.” I announced before heading back up to my throne.

It was also then when guard numero dos returned from his task with another mare balancing a tray on her back with both my novelty mug and a kettle on it.

I smiled at that, especially when the smell of freshly brewed cappuccino entered my nose.

“Are you sure that this decision was a wise one, Your Highness? That thing almost killed one of our guards and openly murdered one of his own kind when I tried to question him for some information.” Bakuss asked as the mare climbed up the steps to bring me my late afternoon brew.

She also brought a bottle of milk, which was mighty convenient.

I just poured myself a cup of Joe into my novelty mug and took a small test sip before replying. “Probably not, but it has so far served me well in regards of doing things in a highly unorthodox and unpredictable nature. You lot don’t seem to cope well when randomness and confusion seems to set in, which, as you can see, I am taking full advantage of for maximum effectiveness and experimental curiosity. And who knows, perhaps the mare will be able to make a win where all of you hardy officials failed. Most likely using force and threats to try and get your ways.” I answered which in turn caused Bakuss to think for a while.

He eventually looked back up. “Well, let’s just hope HER affection would be enough to get into the bug’s mind. I would hate having to write her family an apology letter.” He added while I took another sip of my brew.

Penelope, after a while, was trying to reach for the bottle that the mare also brought with her. I happily assisted her by picking her up and placing her on my lap, before grabbing the bottle and giving it to her. It didn’t took long for her to display her champion like chugging abilities as the bottle was half empty almost immediately.

If she already starts drinking like that with milk, just imagine how she could perform once she starts drinking alcohol.

Either way, with the momentary responsibilities out of the way, I was once again free to enjoy my afternoon break with nothing to hinder me from it anymore. Or so I thought, this whole ordeal did have the sad misfortune of reminding me of something else that is rather important.

The Gazelle situation. It certainly has been a while since their kin have last seen them, which obviously means that there might be something cooking over there with the suspicious absence of those two. Especially given the fact that they are daughters of a chieftain.

Yeah, I might want to look into that while I still have the chance. What the heck am I talking about? I have basically all the choices in the world, thanks to my position. So, for the sake of trying to prevent myself from getting into even more work and headaches to worry about in the future, I might as well try to solve all of these issues now while I still have the chance to do them one at a time.

I blew a tired raspberry-ish exhale as it seemed clear that I only avoided one portion of my work to make more space for another. Might as well get this over with and enjoy a more certain undisturbed break at another time.

I quickly finished my mug before looking back at Bakuss. “Could you perhaps go and bring the two Gazelle sisters to me? Now that I am free once more, I might as well look into this whole “Gazelle issue” you guys seem to have. Might as well kill two birds with one stone while we’re at it.” I requested to the still standing captain.

Bakuss immediately nodded. “Of course. I will head over to the Palace wing that they are held in right away.” He replied, giving me a small bow before trotting off.

This was certainly going to be something that is most likely going to result in me having to go back out into the (god forbid!) outside world. Such is the nature of old school monarchy, the king or queen always have to be personally present for some national or political issue. I mean, I can just get myself some “representatives”, but having experience with the incompetence of the guards just after I arrived here makes me rather wary to appoint anyone outside the High Shamans, High Priests, or any of my officers for the job.

Maybe I am being a bit unfairly judgmental to the majority of commoners, but at the same time, I am REALLY hard to impress. So, all of you better try your BEST if you want my eyes to go wide with me saying “YESSSSS! You are hired. Now got do all of my important responsibilities so I don’t have to do them anymore.”

The work requirements these days are quite high, let me tell you.

Fucking outdated and broken school system. Oh, wait, that’s my world, not this one.

“Wait, where was I again…”

“Habba bubba.” Penelope suddenly babbled, which in turn forced me to look back down. Not really surprising to see that she has already managed to fully suck dry her baby bottle.

No, really, I couldn’t even make out a single trace of milk inside the glass container. Either she somehow managed to take the sucker off of it and used her long dragon tongue to scrub the rest of the milk out of its housing, or she has some grade A suckage going on with those lips of hers.

Wonder if she is also good in blowing? I might have found my replacement bike pump if that is the case.

Speaking of bikes, I just remembered. “That asshole still owes me money for running over my bike that my cousin borrowed a week before I got transported to this land. Now I will never get my hands on that money.” I thought to myself, crossing my arms and frowning at this realization. Can’t believe I totally forgot about that. A whole year of insurance, completely out the blasted window!

Unbeknownst to me, Penelope mimicked my pose and expression.