“We’ll leave tomorrow morning,” Ice said to the Crystal Guards at the chariot. It had been three days since she’d talked to Duncan at Bahram’s Coffee. Each night, including tonight, she’d gone back to the cafe and the coffee shop looking for him. But he was nowhere to be found. She could find the American military camp easy enough, but going there was out of the question. There’s no way they’d let her in unless she could give them some reason for being there. And she certainly couldn’t tell them she was looking for Duncan. That would only cast suspicion on him and probably get him in trouble.

Earlier today, she’d gone shopping in the market to bring fresh food to the guards. They’d be running short on rations by now. If they had to, they could survive by grazing along with the cattle in the area. But she didn’t want them to have to resort to that. She had hoped that she might hear some useful gossip about the dead militia commander while shopping, but she had heard nothing. Most of the buyers and sellers had been women, and it seemed they just didn’t talk much about current events.

“Thank you, ma’am,” the guards said as she delivered the food. Mostly vegetables and fruit. She hadn’t been able to find any unprocessed grains. Only ground flour, which the guards obviously couldn’t eat without cooking. She only nodded in response to the guards’ thanks, then turned and started walking back towards the village, her heart heavy with the feeling that she had failed. She had blown it by not taking Duncan up on his offer right away. Now, she’d never get the witness she needed. And worse, some poor little girl was going to continue to suffer unspeakable horrors every night. All because she couldn’t bring herself to work with a human. She tried to tell herself she didn’t care. After all, the girl, despite being a child, was still just a human. Why should she care what happened to her? But the more she told herself that, the worse she felt about her own behavior and attitude. The more she knew she was lying to herself.

As she entered the village, she stopped by the cafe and Bahram’s Coffee one last time to look for Duncan. He wasn’t there. With a sick feeling in her stomach, she turned around and went back to the inn, climbed the stairs and went into her room. She briefly thought about eating dinner, but the mere thought of food made her stomach lurch. Instead, she simply removed her saddle pad and scarf, tossing them carelessly into a heap in the corner. Then, she climbed into bed, staring blankly at the water-stained plaster ceiling. She closed her eyes, trying to will herself to sleep so she wouldn’t have to think about how badly she had fucked things up. It took an hour, maybe two, especially given that she wasn’t used to sleeping at night. Eventually, though, she drifted off into slumber.

Ice was back in her old apartment in Canterlot. The ceiling was still painted with the star constellations of Equestria. Her bookshelf was stacked with Daring Do books, mocking her with their adventurous pegasus. A pony with wings. She was dressed in her Bat Team Alpha gear, and for a moment, she thought she might be dreaming of a happier time before that horrible day. But no, she still had no wings. The scars where they had been were fresh and the stumps were covered in rust colored bandages. Dried blood. It was as if her wings had just been removed in the last couple of days. Phantom limb pain throbbed a few inches away from her left side, where her wing had been before it had been torn away in the explosion.

A knock on her door. A surge of panic rushed through her. It started as a single knock, then became two, then three, then four. The varying sounds suggested it was both humans and ponies knocking. She whipped her head around at a tapping on her window. Ghosts hovered outside of it, scratching to get in. There were humans, some missing arms or legs, some with horrible burns or giant holes in them. And there were ponies, some missing wings, some missing legs, some with blood running down their ghostly coats. The knocking on her door became an incessant pounding and she whipped her head back around. Shouts and screams assaulted her ears along with the rattle of machine gun fire and the loud hissing of magical hellfire cannons. Explosions ripped through the air around her, lighting the air like a thunderstorm and sending balls of flame billowing into the sky as if the floor in her apartment had opened and spewed forth molten volcanic eruptions.

A loud BANG attacked her ears, and one of the boards she had nailed across her door split and fell to the floor with a loud clatter.

“Stop it! You can’t come in!” she yelled out. But the ghosts continued to yell and shout and pound at her door, scratch at her window. She quickly grabbed the loose board, placing it back on the door and pounding it back in place. Then, she ran to the window, attempting to reinforce it by pounding another board over it. Just as she finished pounding the board in place, the pane shattered. The smashing noise was followed by another loud clunk as the board on her door broke loose again and fell to the floor. She galloped over to the door, picked up the board, frantically nailing it back in place once again. But as she did so, she could already hear the ghosts pounding on the board she had nailed over the window, slowly but surely working it loose.

Fear shot through her as dust started to rain down on top of her like falling rain. A piece of plaster landed on her muzzle and bounced off. They were breaking through the ceiling! An explosion erupted on her left and a large crack formed in the wall, splitting it down the middle. She whipped her head in that direction, only for her ears to be blasted with another explosion from beneath her. The floor shook and heaved as in an earthquake, boards splitting and nails popping. As soon as she had turned her attention to the floor, a splitting sound burst out from the window. She whipped her head in that direction. The board was gone, and the ghosts of humans and ponies were scrambling to get through the window, arms and forelegs reaching out to try to grab her. In front of her, a blast ripped a hole in the door, and she whipped her head around again to see the ghosts trying to force their way through the gap in the door, screaming, shouting, coming for her. She screamed, turning her head in all directions and finding the same thing. Ghosts coming through the floor, the windows, the door, the ceiling, holes in the walls. She scrunched down to the floor, and screamed again.

A blue and gold light flashed, as if a star had exploded, or a bolt of lightning had landed right in front of her. For a brief moment, the light blinded her. Blue and white spots danced before her eyes like a flashbulb had gone off in front of her. The ghosts of humans and ponies crumbled into sand before her eyes, then vaporized into nothing. The shouting, the explosions, and the rat-tat-tat of machine gun fire faded to silence like a thunderstorm that had spent itself out. When her vision cleared, she was standing in a white mist, a regal pink alicorn standing above her, her horn still crackling with the cobalt afterglow of the spell.

“Oh Ice Moon, how much longer are you going to torture yourself like this?” Princess Cadance asked, deep concern flowing in her musical voice.

“Your Majesty … I … I didn’t know you could dreamwalk.”

“I can’t. It was Luna who became aware of your distress and brought me here.”

Ice glanced behind Cadance.  The midnight blue alicorn was standing in the distance, shrouded in fog. Luna had a look of concern in her teal eyes, but stayed in the distance, apparently wanting to let Cadance handle this. Ice slowly stood up, turning her attention back to Cadance. She lowered her ears and looked at the floor. Her emotions were in turmoil. A small boat on the ocean being tossed in a hurricane.

She said, “I was fine until I took on this case. I was fine until the humans came along.” She had let her voice take on a slight tone of accusation. After all, it was Cadance who had assigned this case to her. If not for that, she wouldn’t even know the humans were in the Crystal Empire.

“Were you fine?” Cadance asked with a frown. “You’ve spent the last twenty years of your life avoiding anything that reminds you of that day, or of what your life was like before that day. You requested transfer to the Crystal Empire because Canterlot reminded you of your past. You stopped reading your favorite books because they reminded you of adventure and flying. You haven’t seen the Moon or stars in twenty years because you won’t look at the sky. You wear saddle pads because you can’t stand the sight of your own body. And you avoid anything at all that has to do with humans. Is that really how you want to live, Ice Moon?”

“I moved to Crystal City because I thought that being closer to the Crystal Heart might help me heal,” Ice responded defensively. “But it didn’t work. I guess those in Equestria who said the Crystal Heart was just a sham placebo were right.”

“It didn’t work because you didn’t want it to work. For the magic of the Crystal Heart to work on you, you have to open yourself up to it. You have to let it inside of you. But you’ve spent twenty years constructing a fortress around yourself to keep everything out, including the magic of the Crystal Heart.”

“My fortress was working until I took this case.” Ice was already hard at work trying to rebuild the fortress of her mind for the next time the ghosts attacked. She’d use more nails, stronger boards. She’d switch from wood to iron and steel. She’d make the fortress blast proof.

“Was it? Is that truly how you want to live? Locked inside a dungeon you’ve constructed in your own mind? How much of your life are you spending trying to avoid anything that reminds you? How much are you missing out on because of it? Has it really made your life better? Being too afraid to go out and experience the world?”

Ice frowned, a flood of sadness starting to fill her. She remembered that she herself had said something similar to Rover. Asked him whether that was really how he wanted to live his life. In and out of dungeons, prisons, and jails. It was true, she hadn’t been living her life. She’d been spending most of her time trying to avoid living it. But it was the only way she knew how to cope. And it was all the humans’ fault. She hated them for it. She shook her head once and looked at Cadance again.

“I lost too much that I can never get back.” She made a slight motion with her head towards her wingless back.

“Maybe it would help to focus on what you have instead of on what you’ve lost. Did you know that Captain Skyfire shot the left wing off a human bomber during that war? None –”

“So, the bomber and I both got our left wing shot off. You’re comparing me to a machine?” Ice felt anger rising inside of her as she cut off the Princess mid-sentence. She winced, realizing what she had done. But Cadance didn’t rebuke her, instead just continuing where she had left off, the same patient, compassionate tone in her voice.

“There were four human crew members inside the bomber, Ice. None of them survived.”

“Well, they were trying to bomb strategic targets in Equestria. What did they expect? That the Pegasus Guard was gonna sit on their ass and let them do it?” Ice felt no sympathy for the human crew at all. If they hadn’t been trying to fly a bomber into Equestria, they wouldn’t have gotten shot out of the sky and they’d still be alive. It was that simple.

Cadance shook her head. “I doubt that’s what they expected. But did you expect that the humans were just going to let you destroy their bunker without fighting back?”

Ice frowned. She couldn’t argue with that. But still, she shook her head. It didn’t change anything.

“No offense, Your Majesty. But you don’t know what it’s like to hate. I don’t even think you are capable of hate.”

Cadance shook her head once. “No, I am not. As the Element of Love, hate is so opposite my nature that I’m not capable of it. I can’t even hate Chrysalis, despite the fact that she tried to steal Shining Armor from me. But there is somepony I know who is capable of hate.” Cadance stepped to the side now. Shining Armor appeared out of the fog, walking towards her and stopping a few paces in front of her.

“My Lord?” was all Ice said.

“It’s true, Ice,” Shining Armor said with as much concern in his voice as Cadance. “For a long time, I hated Chrysalis because of what she did to me and to Cadance. I hated her for trying to destroy our love and tear apart our relationship. I wanted nothing more than to hunt her down and punish her for what she did. I wanted to take Equestria’s army and invade the changeling lands. I blamed all changelings for Chrysalis’ actions, and I didn’t care how many of them would be killed in an invasion. As long as I was able to capture Chrysalis and punish her. I pleaded with Celestia to give the order. To let me march our armies into the changeling lands and capture Chrysalis. But Celestia refused. She said the loss of life to innocent changelings would be far too great. And she would not allow that many innocents to die to catch one war criminal who had no power anymore anyway and was no longer a threat.”

Ice stared at Shining Armor in wonder, letting her jaw drop a bit. He’d really let Chrysalis get to him that much? So much that he’d spent all that time wanting nothing more than to capture her?

“So what did you do, My Lord?” she asked after a few moments.

“I continued to dwell in the past. I even became angry with Celestia. But that wasn’t the worst part. Not by far. My hatred of Chrysalis started to become all consuming. And because Chrysalis had been disguised as Cadance when she harmed me, eventually whenever I looked at Cadance, I started to think of Chrysalis. It started to get to the point where I couldn’t distinguish between them anymore. It …”

Shining Armor stopped and looked at the ground, his eyes starting to glisten. Ice felt her own heart breaking for him. This was obviously very painful for him to talk about. And the fact that she had known none of it until now meant he hadn’t told very many ponies. But he was telling her. Because he cared about her and wanted to help her. She had occasionally joked to herself about him being under Cadance’s hoof, like when he had refused to stop Cadance from assigning her this case. But the truth was, Shining Armor was one of the most model stallions she knew. He was firm, brave, and not afraid to do whatever he had to to protect Equestria, and now the Crystal Empire. When he had been High Commander of all of Equestria’s forces, he would have thrown himself in the line of fire to save the lowest ranking new recruit. He’d chewed her tail off more times than she could remember when she herself had been a new recruit. But he had also been kind, compassionate, caring, patient, and full of understanding and empathy. And he was demonstrating those qualities again right now. A single tear fell from one of the stallion’s eyes, rolled down his muzzle. Cadance nuzzled his neck with her muzzle, giving him a reassuring nod. He found his voice and continued.

“It nearly destroyed our marriage, Ice. I couldn’t enjoy my time with Cadance. I didn’t even want to be around her because she reminded me of Chrysalis. I started pushing Cadance away from me. I was destroying my life, and hers. All because I couldn’t let go of my hatred … Ironically, I was giving Chrysalis exactly what she had wanted. And my obsession with punishing Chrysalis for hurting the one I loved, was ultimately only hurting the one I loved.”

Ice’s heart felt like it was being torn in two. Never in her worst thoughts had she ever imagined that the royal couple had gone through such a dark period. They had always seemed like the perfect pair. Like they never had any problems at all.

“What … what did you do? I mean how’d you overcome it?” she asked, her own voice trembling.

“Only with Cadance’s help. She always continued to love me, despite the hard times. And she had undying patience. She helped me realize that I had to forgive Chrysalis in order to stop living in the past and move forward with my life. And she helped me realize that I was making something personal that for Chrysalis, really hadn’t been personal. Chrysalis wasn’t out to get me. And she wasn’t out to get Cadance. She was just … trying to feed off my love for Cadance because she thought she was doing what was best for her hive.”

Ice looked at the floor again, realizing just how much her own situation mirrored Shining Armor’s. Like him, she was blaming all humans for the actions of one, and she wanted to punish all humans for the actions of one. All these years she’d been making it personal, when it wasn’t. The human soldier who had fired the RPG that took her wing hadn’t been out to get her. He hadn’t had anything personal against her. He was just trying to protect his fellow soldiers and their bunker. The RPG could have exploded near any one her team. She just happened to be the one who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yes, the humans in the dungeon of the Crystal Palace might be guilty of murder. And if they were, then they should be punished for it. But they most certainly were not guilty of taking her wings. They hadn’t even been there. They weren’t even old enough to remember the war. And really, was it their fault for reminding her of something she wanted to forget? Or was it her fault for not being able to let go of the past and move on? And either way, it was not a crime to remind her of something. It’s not something they even had any control over. Punishing them for that would be like punishing a pony for no reason other than they reminded her of another pony who she didn’t like. Clearly, that would be unfair, and a gross misuse of the justice system. A gross misuse of her office and of the power that the Princesses and Prince had trusted her with. A new emotion began to replace the anger and hatred. Shame. Shame that she had let things go this far. Shame that she hadn’t even realized until now that she had been about to punish five humans whether or not they were actually guilty of any crime. All because they reminded her of something she wanted to forget. Salty tears began to sting her own eyes. She felt one slide from her eyelid, leaving a cold trail down her muzzle as it fell.

“I’m so ashamed of myself,” she said, looking at the floor now, her ears low and her tail drooping. “I’ve betrayed the trust of both of you. As I worked this case, I lost sight of justice, and it became my goal to punish the humans no matter what. And I didn’t even realize I was being unfair.”

She felt Shining Armor’s hoof under her chin. He gently raised her head to look at him and shook his head slightly.

“No, Ice. You haven’t harmed the humans yet. You stopped yourself before any actual harm was done. That was more than I was able to do. And I understand. I truly do. I didn’t even realize I was harming Cadance when I started avoiding her because she reminded me of Chrysalis.”

“But I’ve spent so long trying to live in the past, that I don’t even know how to move forward,” she said softly.

It was Cadance who answered. “You need to stop hiding from those events. You need to acknowledge them and decide how you want them to affect your life. You can’t change what happened to you. But you can change how it affects you. It won’t be easy. Change never is. But if you continue to work at it, you can change how you respond to those events. Every single event that happens to you in your life is an opportunity. But what you choose to do with that opportunity is up to you. You can use the opportunity to make positive change, or you can use it to make negative change. You can choose to use it to grow, or you can use it as an excuse to wither and die. It’s entirely up to you, Ice Moon.”

Ice felt another tear slide down her muzzle. “I guess I’ve pretty much wasted the last twenty years of my life, haven’t I …”

Cadance smiled and shook her head. “I do not think Rover would say that. You believed in him when no one else would. You gave him a second chance when no one else wanted to. You requested transfer to the Crystal Empire because you wanted to run away from your memories. But when you got here, you were instrumental in reforming Sombra’s tyrannical law and kangaroo court into a justice system that is fair, impartial, and that the Crystal Empire can be proud of. And in that way, you’ve already helped the human prisoners, despite your desire to punish them. After all, Sombra would have likely had them executed shortly after they were forced to land. They are still alive because of a fair justice system that you helped create.”

“I … guess I never looked at it that way before,” Ice said, raising a forehoof and rubbing the tears off her muzzle, feeling her spirits lift just a little bit. Like a storm that had been raging inside of her for twenty years was finally starting to part, and a faint hint of moonlight was beginning to shine through the clouds.

“You were so caught up thinking of all the things you could no longer do, that you couldn’t see the positive changes you were making not only in the lives of the ones you worked with, but for the entire Empire. You’ve spent the last twenty years of life giving hope to others, but having no hope for yourself.”

Ice nodded slightly. But then, the storm clouds closed back up, the thin sliver of moonlight disappearing. The tears started to flow freely down her muzzle, the events of three nights ago ripping through her mind.

“I blew it, Your Majesties,” she managed to choke out through her sobbing. “I refused Duncan’s offer of help because I didn’t want to work with a human. And now I can’t find him again. And some poor little girl is going to continue to live a life of torture because of me. Because I couldn’t overcome my own selfishness.” She sobbed heavily, again wiping her tears with a forehoof. Cadance placed a comforting forehoof on her shoulder.

“No, I don’t think you’ve blown it.” She smiled knowingly, then glanced back at Luna, as if the two of them had some secret between them. “But now, we must go.”

Cadance took her forehoof off Ice’s shoulder. Both Royals smiled at her, and then turned and started walking into the mist of the dreamworld. After a few paces, Shining Armor stopped and turned his head over his shoulder to look at her.

“His name was Dale Sherman, in case you want to know.”

“My Lord?” Ice asked with confusion in her voice.

“The human soldier who fired the RPG that destroyed your wing. Private Dale Sherman.”

“How do you know?”

“One of your teammates saw him fire the RPG. They checked his dog tags later.”

“He’s dead?”

“None of the humans stationed at the compound survived that raid, Ice.”

And then, Shining Armor turned around and he and Cadance faded into the mist before Ice had a chance to ask any more questions. The mist faded along with them, and the half-wrecked fortress she had been in when this all began came into view again. For the first time, it occurred to her that for twenty years, she had never known what the final outcome of the raid she had lead on the compound had been. The last thing she remembered was the pain in her wing as the RPG exploded. When she woke up again, she’d been in a field hospital, too drugged up on morphine to think clearly. When she’d learned about her wing, she’d immediately begun the process of trying to distance herself from what had happened. She’d never even asked how the raid had ended. It had never been a conscious decision not to ask, she had just never done it, and didn’t even realize it until now.

She looked around the fortress. She was alone again, and the damage done by the ghosts was still there. Large holes riddled the ceiling. Boards pointed upward from the floor, like sharpened stakes, where they had split and pushed up in the middle, leaving holes underneath them. The concrete walls crumbled inward and the heavy wooden door was hanging lopsided from one hinge. It would take her forever to repair this damage. No … She didn’t have to repair the damage. She needed to finish what the ghosts had started. She needed to demolish the fortress altogether.

Suddenly, the fortress vanished as she was yanked out of the dreamworld by the sounds of creaking wood reaching her sensitive ears. Someone was coming up the stairs! She leapt out of bed, quickly making her way over to the wall with the door. She turned sideways, pressing her left side against the wall near the door. She tensed and waited, the footsteps growing closer. They were at the top of the stairs now and walking down the hall. She perked her ears forward, gathering all available sound. There was only one set of footsteps, which ruled out a soldier with a prostitute. She waited to see if the footsteps would stop at one of the doors before her own. But they continued to get louder, growing ever closer. The muscles in her hind legs bunched together as she got ready to spring on whoever it was, should they open the door. She prepared herself to instantly subdue whoever came through, or possibly even instantly kill them. The footsteps stopped outside of her door and she tensed further, like a trap on a hair trigger that would spring at the slightest disturbance. A piece of paper slid under the door … Next Chapter: XII Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 30 Minutes