Author's Notes:

For those of you who don't already know: I've recently made a blog post listing all methods proposed to kill Twilight. You are more than welcome to post your suggestions here on the story or on that blogpost. As always, enjoy and please provide feedback.

“What do you mean they had no idea what to make of them!” Twilight screeched, her eyes wild and incredulous. “Those doctors were the best ones Equestria has!”

“But that’s just it, Twilight!” Starlight snapped back, equally annoyed. “They’ve never conducted tests on a draconequus! As far as we know, Discord’s one of a kind; both literally and metaphorically!”

“Oh stop it, Starlight,” Discord butted in, “you’re making me blush.” Indeed, a noticeably pink tinge appeared on his cheeks. He looked like the perfect picture of innocence complete with a bright yellow halo on top of his head and angelic themed music. They would have been almost convinced had he not been smirking roguishly at them.

His smirk vanished as he glared at the parchment with his indecipherable results. “Some things aren’t meant to be understood… yet.” With that, his results burst into flames. Twilight couldn’t help but glare at him. He shrugged. They weren’t testing 101 ways to kill a draconequus so why bother keeping it?

“I thought it would be fitting to continue with the next few methods on our list rather than consider whether it’s possible to kill a draconequus via alcohol poisoning,” Discord produced the long piece of parchment and tossed it lazily at them.

“Heart attack sounds like an easy one to induce,” Twilight proposed. “I felt like I was having one when I ate all that cake with Princess Celestia.”

“I think we all felt that way after the third slice,” Spike chimed in, having entered the room with several rolls of parchment. He cast a sidelong look at Discord who pointedly ignored him. He wasn’t interested in finding out whether it was possible for a draconequus to die.

“I think it’s decided then, isn’t it?” Starlight smiled. “Heart attack induced by excess cake consumption?”

“I mean it’s not going to be quite that simple,” Twilight pointed out. “Remember, heart attacks are caused by plaque buildup in the coronary arteries. If we’re going to have me have a heart attack, we need to make sure all the plaque builds up around my heart. Otherwise, it’ll just be prolonging the suffering and I’d rather die quickly than suffer through a slower method.”

Spike then voiced just how they were going to find such a cake that’ll do what Twilight wants. Starlight pointed out that Pinkie’s cakes were very sweet and rich. If anything was going to cause Twilight a heart attack, it would have to be a Pinkie-approved baked good. It was really the only thing that could stand a chance against an alicorn as all five had found out when they’d tackled the cake Pinkie baked for Flurry Heart’s crystalling. It had taken all five of them plus their friends to beat it into submission.

They were also thankful that Pinkie never asked questions when it came to cake. Well, outside of what kind they were looking for. It had been decided that Starlight and Spike would collect the cake while Discord and Twilight would work out a method to make sure the plaque only accumulated in her heart for the quickest possible death.

Pinkie had welcomed the pair with a bright smile that could power a small country. “I haven’t seen you two in forever! It’s almost like you went into hiding or something!” Her eyes narrowed as she regarded them suspiciously. “You aren’t going into hiding, are you?”

Spike and Starlight suppressed a smile as they shook their heads quickly. They were both grateful she hadn’t the faintest clue as to what they were up to for the past several weeks. She wouldn’t no doubt gone on a murderous rage had she got wind of their plans. Nonetheless, her chipper smile returned as she asked what they needed.

“We just came by to buy a cake,” Spike explained to the ever eager party planner. Her sky blue eyes lit up at the mention of cakes as she rattled off every single cake combination she could think of. Starlight’s eyes lit up at one such mention and whispered conspiratorially in Pinkie’s ear. The pink earth pony grinned and winked at Starlight who nodded and winked back.

“Be back in an hour,” Pinkie waved as Starlight pulled a curious Spike out of the shop.

Starlight was not disappointed when she and Spike returned an hour later.

The three stared up at the towering behemoth that was to be Twilight’s cake. Equal parts amazed and intimidated, it was certainly bigger than the cake Princess Celestia had shared with them back in Canterlot. Nonetheless, they admired the multi-tiered vanilla ice cream and strawberry frosted cake. Starlight cast a simple spell to prevent it from melting while Spike paid his friend. Following that, she, Spike, and the cake teleported back to the castle. There was little doubt in their minds that Twilight would be pleasantly surprised.

“This just seems like overkill,” Twilight stated, staring up at the behemoth of a cake. She had to suppress a gulp of fear as it towered over her. She could hear Discord laughing at her and resisted the urge to scowl and turn on him. He was working on the spells to induce her heart attack after all. She couldn’t afford to have him messing up now.

“This coming from the pony who could overcome all sorts of villains threatening not only her country but her friends!” Discord snickered. “I expected more from a pony such as you, Twilight.”

Twilight knew she shouldn’t have been bothered by what Discord said. Fluttershy had insisted that was just his way of bantering with them. That, in and of itself wasn’t the problem. Discord had done this sort of thing plenty of times before and Twilight hadn’t been baited then. Again, she could only blame herself and possibly Rainbow Dash for instilling an unwillingness to back down from a challenge. But she still couldn’t help it. The cake that stood before her, as big as it was, looked delicious. Truth be told, she was more than a little eager to eat it. She just couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for not being able to share it with her friends.

Still, she appreciated Discord poking fun at her. It did help put things into perspective: at least she didn’t have to fight it. She suppressed a shiver at the thought of a giant cake monster attacking them. It brought back memories of the Smooze.

Twilight never looked at jelly the same way again.

“Now remember Twilight,” Discord stated, his tone uncharacteristically brisk, snapping Twilight out of her musings. “I’ve already charmed the cake such that the plaque that will inevitably accumulate will build up around your heart. This will induce the heart attack that may or may not take your life. You will know that the spell has taken effect once you’ve taken the first bite: it will taste a little strange but after that, it should taste normal.”

Twilight took a deep breathe. No time like the present.

She stared at the slab of cake on her plate. She could tell just by looking at it that it smelled as tasty as it looked. The fact that Pinkie had baked it all but assured her of this fact. That first bite was strange just as Discord expected to be. She honestly didn’t know to describe it: like someone had mixed lemons and apple cider together? Thankfully, the next slice was tastier than the first and she’d quickly plowed her way through the first slice.

The next few slices didn’t stand a chance against Twilight as she’d turned ravenous. The others watched from afar as she attacked the cake in an uncharacteristically ravenous fury.

“This is weird,” Spike murmured as his gaze went between the crystal that tracked Twilight’s heart rate which was still stable and back to his purple friend who’d polished off another slice and went for more. It seemed like she wouldn’t be slowing down anytime soon.

“I guess this is one of Twilight’s guilty pleasures?” Starlight answered uncertainly.

Here we go. Twilight thought as she recognized the telltale signs: she felt herself burst out into a cold sweat. She could feel the tightening in her chest in tandem with the sudden bout of nausea. It only got worse as time went on. They watched as Twilight moaned in pain, clutching her head in her forelegs before slumping forward and hitting the cake slice with a loud thump.

Starlight and Spike rushed to her side and a quick check revealed that her heart was still beating, albeit quite quickly and erratically. Nonetheless, she was still breathing albeit raggedy.

“Well,” said Discord, checking the gauges. “She did in fact have a heart attack and from the look of things, it seems to have done some extensive damage.” He showed them the images of the scar tissues around Twilight’s heart. “I suspect that it was a very narrow miss that Twilight managed to survive. It would be best if we repeated this, just to be sure.”

Starlight and Spike turned back to Twilight who took several deep breaths while Discord silently passed her an elixir to clear the plaque and scar tissue while restoring the previously dead cardiac muscle to proper working order. At Starlight’s incredulous gaze, Discord shrugged. Such was the power of his magic that he could make miracles happen if he felt so inclined.

Plus Saddle Arabia happened to have all manner of herbs to help treat such conditions.

When they repeated the experiment the following day, much to their surprise, Twilight had suffered an even worse heart attack but still survived. It had been a pleasant change of pace even if Twilight had to endure several rounds enduring the increasingly unpleasant symptoms. Now it was just a question of why?

“I think I know,” Twilight said quietly as she looked over the readings. “It’s becomes an alicorn’s circulatory system is able to compensate for the plaque collection around the heart.”

“If that’s the case, then wouldn’t that have prevented the heart attacks in the first place?” Starlight pointed out.

“You’re right,” Twilight agreed. “But remember what I said: heart attacks can be caused by clots formed as a result of plaques. If those clots get caught up in the heart, they can limit blood flow and cause a great deal of damage. I think the reason I was able to survive was because my magic was able to compensate for the lost blood flow long enough for the clot to disappear and reestablish relatively normal blood flow before the clot could kill me. I’m pretty sure the same is true for anypony which is probably why Pinkie can eat as much as she does and not have to worry about it.”

“It makes sense,” Spike mused. “I mean I didn’t feel great after all that ice cream way back when…”

“I think that’s just because you were younger back then…” Twilight quipped, smiling at her assistant. Discord and Starlight snickered while Spike stuck his tongue out at Twilight.

“Well, since we know that you can survive all manner of heart attacks, why don’t you try to finish off the rest of that cake? You’ve only got a couple slices to go,” Discord grinned at her. Twilight looked back at the small mound where the once tall and proud cake stood. Truth be told, while she’d managed to handle the lion’s share of the cake on her own, Twilight suspected she was going to need help if she wanted to finish it off.

At her request, the three friends saluted as they all tackled the small mound that stood defiantly before them.

“Well, that was satisfying,” Twilight nodded thickly through her last bite of cake. None of the others answered. She’d only had to look around figure out why. It seemed that the others had slipped into what Twilight affectionately dubbed a food coma. Unlike Twilight who had plenty of experience eating Pinkie-made cakes, it was clear to her that even the Lord of Chaos himself had been blindsided by the almost-divine sensation.

Eventually though, they’d managed to wake up and with a herculean effort, they stood up.

A couple hours later found them back in the throne room. A spell to overclock their metabolism was the only reason they were able to stand without fearing the massive rotund bellies that they would have otherwise sported.

“I think we should try this one,” Spike pointed.

“Being buried alive?” Twilight asked, eyebrow raised.

“Sure?” Spike said uncertainly. Twilight shrugged. She wouldn’t say it aloud but she would be glad to have all those gauges as far away from her as possible.

Twilight grumbled as she settled herself inside the coffin. As it turned out, she didn’t get to escape those pesky gauges. “They’re there to track your vitals, Twilight!” Starlight explained when asked why she even needed them. In hindsight, Twilight would have agreed but she didn’t enjoy being crammed inside in already small coffin and having to share her space with a bunch of gauges. She would have much rather have shared the space with books. Oh yes… Twilight wondered if their list had methods that involved death by way of books. If not, they would have to come up with one posthaste.

Their set up had been relatively simple. Instead of burying Twilight six feet underground as was normal for a standard burial, it had been decided to leave Twilight’s coffin above ground and simply pile six feet worth of dirt on top of it. They’d decided to do it in segments in case there was a certain point that the dirt caved into the casket and possibly kill Twilight outright. In case Twilight either died or survived past the point of no return, they’d surrounded the casket and the dirt with large wooden sheets tied together via rope. The ropes could be easily cut down to get quick access to Twilight.

“I’m ready when you are,” Twilight told her teammates. Discord, now wearing a garishly yellow hardhat, was direct a large mound of dirt floating in Starlight’s magic. They’d went to work segmentally dropping dirt on Twilight’s casket. They’d heard a large creak from the casket about halfway through but decided to ignore it at Twilight insistence.

“So now we wait,” said Spike as he, Discord, and Starlight padded the tall hill that concealed Twilight’s casket.

“Now we wait,” Starlight agreed. It was a nice day outside. If they were going to have to keep track of Twilight’s condition inside her casket, they may as well soak up some sun while they had the chance. Still, Discord had to erect several notice-me-not wards to prevent anyone from asking about the dirt mound, least of all Twilight’s friends who would have surely asked questions.

It was rather fortunate that he erected these wards as they noticed Rainbow Dash overhead, having performed a sonic rainboom for practice. The sight meant different things to each of them. For Starlight, it had been a turning point in her bid for revenge against Twilight and her friends. It had inspired her to turn over a new leaf and start learning about friendship from Twilight herself. For Spike, it had been what allowed him to be born so he would be forever grateful to it for providing Twilight with the strength she needed to hatch that egg.

For Discord, it represented an opportunity. When he was certain Rainbow Dash was far away, he flew from his beach chair and with a snap of his fingers, managed to contain the blast the sonic rainboom had created. He grinned at all the rainbow essence as it swirled turbulently inside the orb. He pointedly ignored the curious looks of Starlight and Spike as he stuffed the orb away for safekeeping.

“How are you holding up in there, Twilight?” Discord asked. Starlight and Spike had crowded him, keen to hear her response as well.

“It’s fine,” said Twilight, surprised. “I mean, it’s getting warm in here and I wish I had a book to read but other than that, it’s fine.”

“Even if we did let you keep a book in there, would you really want dirt messing up the pages? Besides, with your magic sealed and no flashlight, how would you even in read it?” Spike wondered aloud.

“You underestimate me, Spike,” Twilight chuckled. “But like I said, I’m fine if not a little bored.”

“Should we add more dirt?” Starlight asked.

“You can but I don’t know if that’s going to make much difference,” Twilight replied. Discord needed no further motivation as he piled more clumps of dirt before they heard they heard the casket groan under the pressure.

“I think you should probably stop, Discord,” said Starlight, eyeing the mound of dirt cautiously. “We don’t want Twilight to die by being crushed by dirt. “We want to see if she’ll die by being buried alive.”

Much like any other pony who’d had the misfortune of being buried alive, it turned out that Twilight, with her magic sealed, had also died if her lack of a heartbeat or pulse were any indication. They’d frantically unsealed the casket to find the angel and Twilight inside. The two stared at the trio for several seconds before the angel disappeared in a flash of light.

Twilight offered no explanation as she climbed out of the casket. She’d frowned when she noticed three more caskets identical to the one she’d been in but the promise of books inside had incensed her enough to get in.

Twilight appreciated it the built-in light in her casket. It made reading so much easier while she waited for her imminent death. She’d only paused when they’d dumped a particularly large pile of dirt on top of her coffin or when her coffin groaned under the weight of the dirt much like it had the last time she’d been in one. Much like her previous experience, while Twilight lasted longer the second time around, in the end, she could still not escape death when it came knocking.

“Is it strange that doing this has become the highlight of my day?” the angel asked suddenly, having finished casting the last of the spells needed to send Twilight back to her body. While she’d cast the necessary spells, she’d taken to humming a tune. A tune that Twilight found herself mimicking unconsciously.

“Maybe…?” Twilight trailed off uncertainly. “I don’t know that any other angels do this sort of thing.”

“Trust me. There are thousands of us who do this sort of thing,” she replied firmly. “But I can safely say that I’m the only one who has met an alicorn.”

That made Twilight blink. Surely the other princesses had found at least a few methods that had killed them. If that was the case, then how were they coming back to life? She blinked when she realized she voiced the question aloud but looked to the angel for an answer regardless.

All she got was a shrug for her troubles as she felt the angel’s lips upon her cheeks before being surged back into her own body.

“You okay, Twilight?” Spike asked as he pulled the fifth coffin open after confirm by way of various gauges indicating as much and the appearance of the nameless angel who promptly vanished as Twilight rose from the casket.

“And she’s still alive,” Starlight murmured to no one in particular. They’d been testing Twilight’s chances of survival for the better part of the day and it was clear after the fourth round of testing: alicorns wouldn’t last long being locked in a casket and buried underground.

Or above ground for that matter.

They’d certainly last longer than an earth pony, pegasus, or a unicorn but they’d still end up dead before long.

Twilight, who’d been happy that her books hadn’t been harmed by the experience, landed on her hooves before trotting back to the castle. If the three listened closely, they could barely make out a faint tune that she’d started to hum…

Giving it no more thought, the three strode after her to the castle. There was still a lot of work to do.

“So going on that same vein of burying things,” Twilight started slowly as she finished off what was left of her daisy sandwich. “Why don’t we try crushing by way of dirt as a form of killing me?” She’d remembered seeing it on the list of methods they’d yet to try. None of them protested as they returned to the grounds they’d used for the coffins.

“Isn’t that practice outlawed though?” Starlight asked.

“Not outlawed,” said Twilight, “just frowned upon. It’s seen as an insult to the deceased to simply bury their bodies. Even the poorest of ponies use wooden caskets for funerals. At least that’s what that book on funeral etiquette said when we read it in preparation for being buried alive.”

“Huh…” said Spike, shaking her head. “So should we just do this the same way we did when we dropped stuff on you for the blunt force trauma experiment?”

“Not quite, Spike,” Twilight shook her head, smiling. “Remember, this time I’m going to try to be crushed to death by way of dirt. Regardless of how that plays out, we can try testing other common materials and see how I fare against those.”

“So which materials were you thinking of using, Twilight?” Discord asked with a butter-couldn’t-melt-in-my-mouth smile. Twilight chuckled as she explained what she’d had in mind.

“Definitely a simple setup,” Starlight observed, her eyes drifting between the materials that Twilight had chosen. The first was their arbitrarily defined default: the dirt. They’d been curious if being crushed by a certain amount of dirt would be enough to kill her. For all materials, they’d start at the same baseline level of six feet and increase it for every hour Twilight remained alive.

Unlike their previous endeavor, Twilight was delighted to learn that she wouldn’t have all those cords and electrodes attached to her body during the test. She would only have the heart and pulse monitors to confirm her death while the angel worked to revive her. They’d also given her an oxygen tank to breathe, goggles to prevent the dirt from getting in her eyes, and a nasal canula for her nose. Discord had remembered to cast an unbreakable charm on the metal tanks to prevent those from being crushed.

“I’m ready when you are!” Twilight said thickly through the mouthpiece. Discord needed no more incentive as he unceremoniously dumped mound after mound of dirt on the princess. They watched on as Twilight took each mound without batting an eye.

Twilight was surprised as she heard another clump of dirt being piled on top of her. It was strange. The dirt didn’t hurt at all. It just felt uncomfortable. Having the oxygen tank also helped with the nerves she’d had going into the experiment. Now, with as dark as it was, Twilight suspected that she could have easily have taken a nap with all dirt around her.

“I thought for sure that one would have killed her,” said Starlight thoughtfully as they watched Discord deposit the last mound. “I mean, we didn’t need nearly this much to kill her when we buried her alive.”

“But didn’t she also have the air limits to worry about?” Spike asked curiously. “This time, we gave her an oxygen tank so that we wouldn’t have to worry about her dying because of oxygen deprivation.”

“Ah…” Starlight’s eyes lit up in realization as it all clicked in her head.

“Well, we can rule out being crushed by dirt,” Discord couldn’t help but grumble in disappointment. All Twilight had gotten from the dirt was dirty and achy. “Shall we try wood?”

At that moment they heard several successive cracks. By the side out of it, seemed that Twilight’s bones had finally given out as the dirt fell a few inches. They didn’t need to check for vitals as they pulled a dead Twilight Sparkle out of the dirt. Still, the meters confirmed what they’d already known: Twilight was dead. Still, they hadn’t had to wait long for the angel to show up and work her magic to bring Twilight back.

Once Twilight recovered her strength they’d tried wood. Much like the dirt, it was certainly heavy to be sure and would no doubt make Twilight’s body ache in agony once this whole thing was said and done. Unlike the wood, Twilight did have the benefit of not being dirty after it was over so at least there was that for a silver lining. However, like the dirt, the wood, at the same weight as the dirt, had been enough to overwhelm Twilight’s bones and crush the poor pony to death.

And that was to say nothing of the organs her ribcage had pierced. It was a good thing that the angel could heal any ailment with her magic.

“Just how strong are alicorn bones?” Starlight couldn’t help but ask incredulously as they watched Twilight somehow manage to handle having several pallets of bricks precariously placed on top of her. Despite the grandiose size, it was still the same weight as the others before they heard the same familiar cracks that prefaced Twilight’s demise. The result had been much the same with crystals, concrete mixed with cement, and steel.

Despite all of that, it was more than a little absurd.

“I think that answers the question,” Spike shrugged as he and Starlight watched Twilight repeat the experiments at Discord’s insistence. “I mean, I remember Shining telling me she had some sort of height complex when she was a filly so she’d chug down milk by the gallon so I guess she was bound to get something from drinking all that milk.”

“Aside from the upset stomach?” Starlight quipped dryly.

“Aside from the upset stomach,” Spike confirmed as Discord finally confirmed what they’d already learned. From where they were standing, it was already clear to them that Twilight had just been revived for the umpteenth time that day if her freshened appearance was anything to go by. Discord grumbled at the unfairness of having to clean himself off with a snap of the fingers

They watched as Twilight trotted away while Discord floated toward them.

As they sat in the throne room that evening, commiserating over Twilight’s almost ludicrous bone strength, they’d somehow segued into ideas for Twilight to die.

“I remember seeing one that mentioned dying by way of a sonic rainboom,” Spike offered helpfully.

“But how are we going to convince Rainbow to perform one for us without her insisting on being a safe distance away?” Twilight asked grimly. If there was one thing Rainbow cared about when it came to the Sonic Rainboom, it was safety when it came to her friends and family. She didn’t want any spectators getting hurt while she performed it. If they did then that meant fewer people who got to watch her performance!

Rainbow simply wouldn’t allow for it.

“Who said Rainbow has to know at all?” Discord supplied silkily. He pulled out the orb he’d used to contain the rainboom. Starlight, Twilight, and Spike’s eyes were all drawn to the orb. Discord was halfway tempted to hypnotize them but thought better of it. He was having fun testing methods by which Twilight might die. Besides, if Fluttershy happened to get wind of him considering such a thing, he shuddered. For his sake, it was best not to think about such things.

“Are you going to tell us what that is, Discord?” Twilight asked equal parts impatient and curious.

“Essence of sonic rainboom,” he said simply, waving the orb around. He snapped his fingers and one orb became five. At their curious looks, he elaborated. “All I have to do is break these orbs with a little chaos magic and it will release the energy that was contained right when our good friend, Rainbow Dash, performed the technique.”

“This… this is incredible,” Twilight murmured, moving closer to get a closer look at the orbs. She could see the colors of the rainbow swirling inside the orb. Twilight would have thought it was just a flashy crystal ball but Twilight noticed the powerful magic contained within and knew that this was no ordinary orb. They would need to be careful when breaking these things.

“Looks like there’s not a soul around for miles,” Spike remarked, taking stock of the desolate wasteland that they’d deemed fit to conduct their studies. Starlight would have compared it to the wasteland she’d seen when Twilight dragged her into the new future she’d creature during her revenge scheme.

“It’s perfect,” Discord explained, “no one’s crazy enough to come here so we can conduct our tests without scrutiny.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” asked Twilight, turning to look at them all in turn. “Let’s get on with it!”

They’d all nodded before taking the necessary precautions: some shield spells to prevent the explosion from killing them as well. Discord had also decided that setting it off remotely would probably be best. He knew that those orbs were volatile enough as it was and he had no desire to be near them when they detonated.

Once all the safety measures were in place and they’d gotten the nod from Twilight, Discord produced a large control panel filled with all sorts of buttons and switches. He pressed a big red button placed in the middle of the panel and almost instantly they heard a loud bang.

They peered from the safety of the shields. They’d had to wear sunglasses from how bright the burst of rainbow light was but it was just as dazzling as before. Still, once the light and the resultant mushroom cloud faded, they rushed to ground zero to check the damage.

They stared. As it turned out, while there had been a large crater where the orb had detonated, they could see that Twilight, though battered and knocked out, appeared to be just fine.

Incredulous, Discord insisted they try again.

Much like the previous rendition, Twilight had only passed out from the shockwave but neither the shockwave nor the sonic rainboom itself had actually killed her. They’d tried three more times before Twilight puzzled out a theory.

“The rainboom itself produces a blinding light that dazzles all who witness it,” Twilight started. “While there is a risk of blindness to those who witness it at ground zero, that risk decreases proportionally to distance. Don’t get me wrong, it’s quite powerful and if pony bodies were more delicate, we could have very easily died. It can also provide a power boost to unicorns who happen to be casting a spell at the time, but that’s not important just yet. The real clevelledwith the sonic rainboom, I think, is the shock wave.” She leveled a look at Spike.

“Remember that one time Rainbow performed it when helping Applejack tear down that barn?” Spike nodded. He remembered that day very well; it had led to what they’d called the smarty pants incident. “If you recall, do you remember how Rainbow finally destroyed the barn?”

“She dived bombed it while performing a sonic rainboom,” said Spike slowly. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“Think about it,” Twilight insisted. “The light itself couldn’t have done that damage. At least not on it’s own. It was the shock wave she produced when she broke the barrier that destroyed the barn.”

Spike let an ‘oh’ of understanding as it clicked in his head. Starlight and Discord exchanged a look with each other. They would need to get more details on this story from Twilight later.

“All things considered though,” said Twilight idly as she examined the remains of the orbs that once contained the colossal energy of the rainboom. “It was nice to be able to see a rainboom again. That said, I think it would be best to keep this one a secret from Rainbow Dash. I don’t think she’d appreciate our literally stealing her technique much less using it to determine it as a means to kill an alicorn.”

There was a chorus of agreement as Discord teleported them back to the castle, keen to see what insane method of death Twilight would propose next.

“It’s lucky I happen to be quite good at archery,” Discord grinned as he conjured his ever faithful bow and bag of arrows. The others watched in morbid fascination as his arrows successfully pierced the apple core he’d placed several yards away before careening into the opposite wall.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Spike asked, eying the arrows warily.

“It’s just as viable a way of killing ponies as any and therefore merits at least an attempt,” Twilight replied shortly. “We’re starting at a quarter draw, right Discord?”

“Yep,” Discord nodded, hefting the bow onto his shoulder.

“Then let’s get started.”

Twilight felt her heart thump violently in her chest as she stared back at Discord who’d taken aim at her with a new arrow. She could see that Spike and Starlight were off to the side taking notes. She couldn’t help noticing that Discord’s first set of arrows happened to be little more than sharpened sticks that he’d strung fletchling onto the end. Still, she couldn’t suppress her gulp as she watched him pull the bow back.

She didn’t know why she felt worried. She’d put herself through twenty four other methods of killing herself with varying levels of success and she walked away from them a little worse for wear but still okay.

So why was she so nervous about being hit with arrows of all things?

Maybe the thought of an arrow hitting me in the eye would hurt a lot. Twilight thought morbidly. She the mental image of an arrow through the eye was too disgusting to consider so she shook her head and gave Discord the agreed upon signal. They’d agreed preemptively to aim for Twilight’s neck. Bone was less of an issue in the neck unlike her brain and heart which had dense bone to protect them. If he happened to hit a vessel then all the better for the test.

As it turned out, at a quarter pull, the arrow had only bounced off Twilight’s neck with a comical ‘boing’ sound before clattering to the floor.

“That was a lot less painful than I was expecting,” Twilight admitted, staring at the sharpened stick at her hooves.

“That was only a quarter draw, Twilight. That’s essentially nothing,” Discord pointed out. “Now we’re going to make that arrow go faster.”

And faster that arrow flew as he pulled it back further and further. As far as Twilight could tell, arrows definitely hurt especially after their latest test as Discord pulled the string back almost as far as he could. She’d let out a yelp of pain as the arrow connected with its intended target and stuck into her flesh.

Much like the case with the knives, the arrows also failed to kill her. Unlike the knives, the arrows were able to make contact and cause pain. One particularly sharp one had created a small puncture wound and burrow in an inch deep, much to everybody’s confusion. In the end, they’d guessed that it was because the knives were metal and the arrows were made of wood and stone that they were able to pierce if given enough force. They’d suspected that alicorn bodies had some sort of innate magic that protected them against most metals but would have to conduct more tests to confirm it.

Nonetheless, the wound had been treated with a salve that healed the wound quickly.

“We know that wooden ones can cause damage as can ones with stone heads,” Spike remarked after Discord had fired the last stone-headed arrow at Twilight who’d failed to die despite Discord’s best efforts. “So why don’t we try some other designs with different materials?”

“Are there any in particularly you wanted to try?” Twilight asked keenly.

“Well,” said Spike slowly, considering his options. “What about those ice arrows that were used during the last Equestria Games? I remember seeing some arrows in the Crystal Empire that were made of real crystals too! We could also try those new fiberglass and that aloo-mini-umm kind.”

“I think you mean aluminum,” Twilight corrected gently. Turning back to the others, she considered the idea thoughtfully. “It certainly can’t hurt to try the other types. I’d like to cover all our bases by trying all materials available for testing.”

As it turned out, acquiring the other types of arrows had been a simple matter: Discord had been able to conjure everything he’d needed. He took some time to get a feel for the new arrows as to prevent that from messing with their tests. Twilight shook her head in amusement as she took her place on the platform across from Discord who’d repeated the experiment at various draw points.

“That one hurt more than I expected,” Twilight grimaced as she felt the ice arrow pierce her neck. While it only hung from the tip, it still froze a portion of Twilight’s neck. A sensation that had been equal parts unsettling and soothing. Discord banished the arrows which had caused the ice around Twilight’s neck to also disappear.

“I’m not surprised,” Starlight stated, applying the salve to her teacher’s neck and watched as the skin knitted itself back together. “Discord hit a major blood vessel and the ice certainly didn’t help things.”

“Hasn’t he been hitting blood vessels this whole time?” Twilight asked incredulously.

“He has,” Starlight confirmed, “but none of them have been able to penetrate far enough to be much of a concern.

“Anyway,” said Discord quickly as he conjured the fiberglass arrows. “Ready for round four?”

Round four, as it turned out, was a bit of a disappointment for the draconequus. All the fiberglass arrows had an annoying tendency to shatter on impact with Twilight’s neck. They’d suspected fiberglass to be more brittle than it let on as they looked all the shards on the floor.

It certainly didn’t help that they didn’t even hurt or cause any sort of wound on contact. Even after firing well over ten arrows, Discord had called it quits and decided they’d better move on to the crystal ones and after that, the aluminum.

The crystal ones had produced interesting results.

“That’s probably the deepest yet!” Discord exclaimed excitedly.

“Not by much,” Spike muttered, marking the arrow for penetration. “It only went in maybe half an inch deeper than the regular wood and stone ones.”

“It’s still better than nothing!” Discord protested. Spike decided not to honor that with a response as he applied the salve and let it do its magic while pulling the arrow out at the same time.

Nonetheless, they’d moved on the aluminum arrows which had pierced even further in that the crystal one. Admittedly, it had only been half an inch deeper than the crystal one but even then, it hadn’t hurt Twilight very much. It helped that it didn’t inflict any significant damage to her blood vessels.

“See anything interesting on that list, Twilight?” Spike asked. Discord had left when he realized that he needed to do some maintenance work on his bow while Starlight had wanted to double check her notes against Spike’s. She’d asked if she could go to Fluttershy’s after she was done; Twilight had agreed without argument.

“Not really, I mean drinking bleach would be a pretty simple setup, right?”

“I’d think so,” Spike answered. “I mean, it can’t be that difficult. We already proved that with those acids.”

“Okay, then let’s do it. Where’s the bleach?”

Once they’d found the bleach, Twilight and Spike debated briefly whether she ought to chug it down straight from the container or be sophisticated and use those fancy wine glasses they’d found in the kitchen when they first moved into the castle. Whichever they decided to use, they needed to be mindful: the bleach they possessed was much more potent than the average household bleach. They lived in a castle made of crystal atop of a tree. They were going to need a powerful cleaner to be able to handle that.

It also helped that it came with a spray nozzle as to make things easier to clean.

“Might as well drink it straight,” Twilight muttered. “I can ask Starlight to buy some more on her way back from Fluttershy’s.”

Spike blinked. “What’s she doing there?”

“It seems she and Fluttershy bonded ever since she moved in with us,” Twilight was beaming now. “Plus I asked her if she could ask Fluttershy if we could borrow her bear, Harry, for the day. One of the methods I want to try is being mauled to death by a bear.”

Spike wondered about the plausibility of such a thing. If there was one thing he knew about the animals that lived with Fluttershy, it was that they were the gentlest creatures of their kind and were quite easy to get along with.

“Well, we can worry about that when we get there,” Twilight shrugged, raising the bottle of bleach to her lips. But before she drank, she had just one last thing to say.

“You remember the rule: don’t help me even if I beg for it and don’t contact poison control.” Spike nodded as she inclined her head and raised the bottle to her lips again.

And promptly spat out the first mouthful.

“Ugh, that’s just disgusting,” she grimaced, shaking her head. “Spike, can you plug my nose for me? If I can’t smell it coming, hopefully the taste won’t be so potent.” Spike nodded and hopped onto her head and pinched her nose shut.

Twilight raised the bottle to her lips once more and proceeded to chug. She could hear the sirens in her head going off in alarm. She could tell that, much like the case when she drank all that acid, her body was telling her to spit out bleach. However, she ignored it. Her body, despite having gone through several deaths since they’d started this strange endeavor, didn’t seem to understand that dying was the whole point of this exercise.

Still, Twilight felt a modicum of relief as she felt the last drop of bleach fall into her mouth before she drunkenly tossed the container aside. She had only just started to notice the burning sensation in her mouth and throat. At the same time, she felt the urge to vomit despite not having eaten much of anything that day.

It wasn’t a fun feeling.

It certainly wasn’t made any better by the delirium setting in.

“Why are there so… many of you, S-Spike,” Twilight slurred as she leaned against the wall for support while staring wildly at him.

Spike stared back as she didn’t wait for answer before curling into a ball and clutching her stomach. While Spike rapidly took notes, he could see Twilight moaning incomprehensibly. He’d pressed his ear to her chest and noticed that her heartbeat had slowed drastically compared to her normal rate.

It wasn’t long before she went into shock and then went unresponsive.

Alarmed, Spike rushed to her side and checked her pulse. There was none. Twilight had stopped breathing after dropping into the shock-induced coma. With no signs of life, Spike was certain that Twilight was dead.

Far from distraught by the revelation, Spike grinned when he saw the angel float down to meet him. She nodded briskly at him, silently urging him to move out of the way. He’d watched in fascination as he got to watch her perform her spells and sealed them with her kisses. Spike watched in fascination as Twilight was bathed in a golden light before being raised to her hooves by magic that wasn’t her own.

Twilight beamed at the angel who smiled back. The angel nodded at Spike once before disappearing a burst of light.

“Ready for round two, Twilight?” Spike couldn’t help but ask as he gestured to the cart holding four more large bottles of bleach. Twilight heaved a sigh but pulled the next bottle toward her while gesturing for Spike to pinch her nose shut.

“If I never have to look at bottle of bleach again, it’ll be too soon,” Twilight groaned, leaning against the wall, having just been revived for the fifth time for chugging down a full bottle of bleach. The experience had not improved with successive rounds. If anything it had only made things worse now that she knew that death would be waiting impatiently for her at the bottom.

“Confirm bleach, Twilight?” Spike asked tentatively, looking up her.

“Confirm bleach, Spike,” Twilight nodded.

“Let’s give death by caffeine a try,” Twilight decided, looking up from their list of methods of which they could try to kill Twilight. Spike looked up from the comic book he’d been reading while shrugging.

“How much do we need for it to be dangerous, Twilight?” he asked.

“Just a single tablespoon,” she replied. “Apparently that’s the same as a hundred and twenty cups of coffee and I’d much rather do this than drink a hundred and twenty cups of coffee.”

“Sounds reasonable enough,” Spike nodded before scratching his head, “now where’d we put that caffeine…”

To their surprise, they’d found a full bottle of caffeine stored in one of their cabinets that Twilight had stumbled upon by accident. Just as well as she produced a tablespoon and scooped the appropriate amount of caffeine onto it.

“Well,” said Twilight, attempting sound cheerful. “Bottom’s up!” With that she downed the powdered caffeine in a single swallow.

Almost instantly, Twilight felt the energy boost often associated with caffeine kick in. But this wasn’t an average energy boost. This was an advanced energy boost. Spike watched as Twilight rushed around the room, eager for freedom. As they head sealed the room with magic before testing the bleach and with Twilight’s magic also sealed, she would most certainly have a hard time breaking out.

With magic not a viable option to her, Twilight had tried bucking the doors down. However, that was when the dizziness and headaches started kicking in. Instead of kicking the doors like she’d intended, Twilight had dented the wall next the door.

Spike had never been more thankful for a headache than he had just then. While the dent in the wall would need repairing and require hours of work, it certainly beat having to deal with Twilight on caffeine. He remembered the story of that one time Shining gave Twilight coffee as a filly and shuddered at both the result of that endeavor as well as the verbal lashing Cadance gave him when she got wind of what he’d done.

Shaking his head, Spike watched as Twilight slowed to a stop from what felt like the ninetieth lap around the room. He sighed in dismay as he spotted all the dents in the wall and the damage that Twilight incurred in her caffeine induced state. He could see the table had been thrown into the wall. How that hadn’t broken the wall outright was a mystery to him. Chairs had been twisted into something approaching artistic patterns and various decorations were now on the ground, broken.

While all that was a concern to Spike, the young dragon was more concerned for Twilight herself who looked more battered, bruised, and concussed from the all the crashing she’d done when she’d tried to fly.

He watched Twilight stand unsteadily on her hooves while shaking her head. She panted heavily as she sat down on the ground, not noticing or not caring about the broken glass shards around her, pricking her coat. All that mattered to her right now was that she rest.

Spike had noticed her head slump forward just as it was about to hit a particularly sharp shard of glass. Without even thinking, Spike rushed forward and slid such that her head now resided on his body.

He’d noticed that she had stopped breathing a few moments afterward and the familiar golden light that descended down upon him confirmed what he’d already suspected.

The angel had barely paid him a thought as she cast the spells to revive Twilight. As Spike watched her kiss Twilight’s left cheek, Spike couldn’t help but wonder why the angel felt compelled to kiss Twilight at all. Was that how the spell worked? If so, it was a weird spell but Spike wouldn’t complain, he had Twilight back.

They’d decided that caffeine that potent could most certainly kill an alicorn.

“Should we try water intoxication?” Spike asked. “I’m not sure what that is but it sounds easy enough to do.”

“It would be quite easy,” Twilight nodded. “The idea behind it is that you drink a lot of water in a short space of time and it can kill you. It’s similar to that silly idea younger ponies have about drinking a gallon of milk within a minute or trying to eat a tablespoon of cinnamon without drinking water.”

“Wait, so how exactly does it kill you?” Spike asked, curiously.

“The idea is that when you have too much water in your body and your kidneys can’t filter it out quickly enough, that water has to be stored somewhere right? So that’s what it does, it’s stored anywhere it can manage, include the brain,” Twilight explained, tapping her head for emphasis.

“So what happens next?” Spike asked curiously.

“Well when you have a lot of water stored up in your brain, it can lead to all kinds of neurological problems like headaches, seizures, and rare cases: death because the neurons can no longer make those connections like they used to,” Twilight explained. Spike looked alarmed, halfway tempted to chuck his glass of water as far away from him as possible.

“You don’t have to worry, Spike,” Twilight reassured him. “This is an incredibly rare way for ponies to die since our kidneys our so efficient.”

“So how do we know how much will induce water intoxication?” asked Spike.

“Well, from what I’ve read,” said Twilight slowly as she mulled over how to approach this. “The instances in which this has happened occurred after drinking 2 gallons of water in 2 hours so that’ll be our baseline. If that doesn’t work, we’ll just keep going until it does… unless it doesn’t happen.”

Twilight stared down at the 2 jugs of water standing proudly before her. Normally after a long day of studying or giving a lecture about friendship, Twilight would happily chug down a glass of water. It was a soothing and almost cathartic means to help relieve her stress and also her prevent her kidneys from going berserk.

Still, staring at those jugs, Twilight suspected her kidneys were going to hate her before all of this was over regardless of whether she survived or not. She gulped as she watched Spike pour out large glass of water and place it in front of her. Never before had she felt fear at the sight of a glass of water before. She’d drowned in the ocean before and that hadn’t fazed her so why should this?

Emboldened by this burst of inspiration, Twilight seized the glass in her magic and drained it before pouring herself another glass and pressing on.

By the time she finished finished the first jug, Twilight could feel the nausea and vomiting set in. She’d also happened to feel the need to use the bathroom but with her sealed in the room with Spike, she wasn’t going to get anywhere until she finished that second jug. She leaned back in her seat while a sympathetic Spike watched on.

She hopped out of her seat and took a quick stroll around the length of the room before returning to it.

“It helps with the need to go to the bathroom,” she explained, relieved that the uncomfortable feeling in her bladder had receded at least a little.

Spike looked at her and silently poured her glass full of water. He watched as Twilight downed the liquid before snatching the jug away from him and simply chugged straight from the jug itself. Spike could see drops of water dribble down Twilight chin and down her neck before she flung the plastic jug into the waste basket next to the first one.

It was not long before Twilight felt her headache worsen and felt her vision fade out. Spike watched in alarm as she fell over onto her side, only weakly raising her head up. He’d tried to help her up but it seemed she couldn’t keep her balance to save her life.

All in all, it was more than a little unsettling especially as he watched Twilight looking ready to vomit. Before he could so much as move to grab a bucket for her to vomit into, Twilight had slumped back onto the ground.

Surprised, Spike narrowed his eyes as he checked her still beating heart. Remembering a trick that Rarity showed him, a grabbed a conveniently placed mirror and held it over Twilight’s mouth. He breathed a sigh of relief that she was still breathing. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any methods to check her brain but supposed that if she was still alive after that, she would probably be okay.

Sure enough, Twilight had managed to power through that second jug. Producing a third one from the cabinet, they started anew.

Spike looked over at Twilight who’d slumped back onto the floor after finishing the third jug. He’d noticed her labored breathing and erratic heartbeat were telltale signs of her oncoming death. His suspicions were confirmed as several minutes later and he spotted the golden light of the angel shine down on Twilight. He watched as the angel herself descend and quickly went to work performing magic to bring Twilight back.

He rushed over to Twilight’s side much to the angel’s irritation. He didn’t see the slow rise and fall of her body that she’d had earlier when she first went under.

“Do you mind?” the angel couldn’t help but ask impatiently. “I need to do my work if I am to bring your friend back.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking down.

The angel offered him a nod and a patient smile before turning back to her spells. Spike had considered engaging the angel in conversation put the stern concentration she’d put into her spells made Spike reconsider. He knew how annoyed Twilight got when someone interrupted her mid-spell. It also led to some sort of hilarious disaster that would lead to some sort of friendship lesson that they’d send to Princess Celestia.

“Well, my work is done,” she nodded to Spike as they watched Twilight slowly open her eyes as the angel disappeared. Spike helped Twilight back to her hooves as she shook her head to shake the last vestiges of her coma-induced death.

They’d silently agreed that water intoxication was definitely able to kill an alicorn. Granted, they’d needed more water than what would have led to intoxication for normal ponies but there it was.

“Should we try the same thing with ammonia?” Twilight proposed. “I mean. I know it’s not exactly a strong base but it’s still dangerous and could be lethal.”

“We can if you want to,” Spike nodded, dropping his quill and parchment on the desk next to him. “But do we even have concentrated ammonia? Because let’s face it, Twi: the household cleaner that’s in ponies houses is only going to cause moderate symptoms at worse.”

“You’re right,” Twilight murmured. Her eyes brightened as she realized what this meant. “But do you know what this means?” Before Spike could get a word in edgewise, Twilight had already answered that question for him. “It looks like we’ll be needing to visit the Canterlot Research Lab!”

Spike could only smile and shake his head as Twilight went off on a tangent on the various sophisticated pieces of equipment that the scientists there would have surely developed. He’d noticed that it was already dark out and pointed this out to Twilight, stating that they would have to go in the morning.

However, Twilight, too eager to wait until tomorrow to go to lab, proposed they break in. Spike had stared at her incredulously.

“Twilight, you remember the last time we tried breaking in somewhere?” Spike asked, recalling his, Twilight, and Pinkie’s escapade into the Canterlot Archives.

Twilight did remember. Quite vividly, actually. She, Pinkie, and Spike had broken into the Canterlot Archives to look for a time stopping spell to prevent some undefined disaster from occurring. Truth be told, it wasn’t so much breaking in as was, the guards, used to her late night study sessions, let her and her friends in without batting an eye. In the end, there was no disaster and Twilight had ended up panicking over nothing.

The compliment from Princess Celestia about her mane had been unexpected but still appreciated.

Overall, a very strange night. But not strange enough to deter Twilight from breaking into the labs of her own volition.

Before Spike could voice his protest, he’d found himself in Canterlot alongside Twilight who’d pulled him onto her back and led the way to the labs.

As it turned out, the labs were not actually closed. They’d been surprised to find a guard at the front desk.

“Princess Twilight,” he hastened to bow. Twilight smiled her practiced regal smile before encouraging him to stand.

“I’m only here to visit,” she said kindly.

“Of course,” he nodded vigorously, writing down her name in his logbook before passing her a badge with her name on it. One last smile and wave from Twilight had the guard grinning as they set off for the labs. While Twilight was fascinated by the various experiments being conducted, Spike was not and had pointedly reminded Twilight why they were there when he caught her staring longing at a particular lab experiment in progress.

Spike had to drag her by her tail away from the display while filtering out her various protests.

Thankfully, the first pony they’d encountered in the halls happened to do maintenance and inventory for the lab’s supplies.

“I’m sure nopony will mind if we donate a few bottles of our concentrated ammonia for Princess Twilight’s cause,” he said kindly to a beaming Twilight who’d eagerly grabbed several bottles in her magic. “But if I may ask, Your Highness, what do you intend to do with them?”

“I’ve been conducting a few experiments of my own and I’m afraid I cannot proceed until I acquired some concentrated ammonia.” It wasn’t a lie and Twilight was grateful she didn’t feel the stab of pain she felt anytime she lied. “Incidentally, where might I acquire some for myself? I would hate to stall your experiments for my own needs and I would rather not interrupt your experiments if I can help it.”

“We order from the company listed on the bottle,” he grinned as he watched Twilight turn the bottle to spot the company logo plastered on the label. “They’ve got good prices but we truly don’t mind sharing our chemical stores with you, Princess. You are one of Equestria’s brightest minds and we’d be honored to have the chance to work with you in the future.”

Twilight beamed and eagerly nodded as she promised that she would keep in touch with them.

All in all, a good night’s work.

“Ready Twilight?” Spike asked, pinching Twilight’s nose.

“Ready Spike,” said Twilight, her voice nasally from Spike pinching her nose shut. The less she had to endure the awful taste, the better.

“To death,” she said, raising the large bottle of ammonia to her lips. Spike didn’t respond. He was too busy keeping Twilight’s nostrils shut while only letting go when she stopped drinking to catch her breath before resuming. She’d grimaced at the taste as it burned through her throat and fell down into her stomach.

Much like the bleach, as soon as the liquid hit her stomach, Twilight found herself leaning against the wall for support. She could already feel the hallucinations coming on: she was certain she could see doubles of everything around her and had tried to reach out for Spike but only grab at air. It didn’t help that Spike couldn’t make out a word she was saying thanks to the slurred speech.

The next thing that happened was the coughing and strained breathing. He could already seen Twilight’s face changing color as well as her lips and the tips of her hooves. He noticed that the coughing she’d had before had evolved into a strained wheezing. From the looks of things, it looked like she wanted to throw up. Unfortunately, Twilight only had ammonia in her stomach which had only served to make things even more painful.

In the end, Spike could only watch as his friend and caretaker ended up curling up into a ball into what would ultimately be a vain attempt to stave off the pain while sobbing and clutching at her head. Spike couldn’t make out a word she was saying thanks to the combination sobbing and slurred speech.

After skillfully dodging her flailing hooves, Spike had managed to get close enough to know that Twilight was close to dying: her heartbeat was slowing down at an alarming rate as was her breathing. In essence, it was essentially going to play out similarly to the bleach experiment. It wouldn’t be long before he would see the angel again. This statement turned out to be prophetic because as Twilight’s face turned blue and the labored breathing that she’d had ceased. A quick check on her chest told him that Twilight’s heart had stopped beating.

Before the dragon could do anything, he spotted the familiar golden light shining down on Twilight like a light to the heavens. He felt the familiar relief rush through him as he spotted the angel hover down and started working her magic.

She’d offered him a kind smile as she went to work. Even after watching her do this several times, Spike was still fascinated by the magic at work that brought Twilight back after one of their methods had proved lethal. He was surprised that he wasn’t taking notes so that they could imitate it later. Maybe it was out of fear. Maybe it was out of respect. It could also be that Spike had a very painful cramp and couldn’t be bothered to try to write it all down.

She offered him a polite nod before vanishing.

Twilight groaned as she slowly stood up.

“Ready for round two?” Spike asked, shaking the second bottle of ammonia. Twilight stared before leaning back, resigned. The things she did for science, she lamented as Spike pinched her nose shut as she raised the bottle to her lips yet again.

“Remind me never to do that again,” she mumbled wearily to Spike who nodded quickly. Now that his cramp was gone, he scribbled a note at the bottom of his notes for future reference. Another cursory look out the window told him it was quite late. He briefly wondered if Starlight was back yet but let the matter rest for now. Twilight, despite having just been revived still looked dead on her hooves. Spike suggested some food to which Twilight readily agreed.

If she was going to throw up again, it would at least be nice to have something to throw up. Dry heaving was awful.

It was the next day when the four reconvened in the throne room. Twilight and Spike told them about their misadventure into the Canterlot labs. Discord had revealed that he’d managed to find a manticore that they could use for a future method. Starlight had informed them that Fluttershy could not afford to let Harry out of her sight for the time being. Apparently, the large bear had had a nasty run in with some of the creatures in the Everfree forest and Fluttershy had to patch him up.

It’s probably for the best that we couldn’t get Harry anyway. Twilight observed after mulling over what Starlight had told them.

It seemed that bear mauling would have to wait until later.

In the meantime, she looked to Discord. “You mentioned being able to capture a manticore?”

“Oh yes!” he grinned cheerfully. “There was a whole nest of them in the Everfree forest. Seems they just love chaos so I decided to make them my minions!”

Normally, Twilight would have been more alarmed by this proclamation but as it happened to work in her favor, she didn’t bat an eye.

“I trust you’ve got them secure so they don’t ravage anyone else?” Twilight asked briskly.

Discord snorted. “Of course not! I’ve trained them to simply eat you! If you want to test being mauled by manticore, we can test that separately. I’ll need some time to train them to be able to do that on command.”

“Certainly, so are we ready to begin?” Twilight asked, hopping out of her seat. The others nodded and mimicked her. Discord was quick to lead the way to a small enclosure. They’d quickly realized that manticores were not the only thing Discord had been training.

They could see a pair of manticores in adjacent cages growling and hissing at each other. Further ahead, they spotted a hydra that seemed to be content with simply blowing raspberries at itself. Still further, they could see a pair of cocktrices playing what looked to be a game of jump rope.

Twilight suppressed a shiver. She’d remembered the last run-in she’d had with a cocktrice and anything she could do to avoid a future experience would be all the more welcome.

“Well,” Starlight started as they stared at the Manticore through the cage. “If we’re going to test getting eaten, I think the Moonshot Manticore Mouth Dive would be a pretty good way to do it. It worked for Trixie.”

“But where are we going to get a cannon?”

A faint popping noise gave them their answer. They stared at the beautiful blue cannon aimed right at the now alarmed manticore who’d started hissing and growling in response.

Twilight awkwardly shoved herself end first into the cannon while Discord had the interesting experience of readying the fuel while pointedly ignoring Twilight’s hindquarters. Her swishing tail made things more difficult as Discord slammed the lit shut and produced a match. He looked at the match and then at Spike. He tossed the match aside and teleported Spike to his side. The young dragon let out a small burst of green flame before rushing back to Starlight.

Starlight and Spike leaned forward from the safety of the former’s shield spell as they watched the flame burn away at the rest of the fuse. Any second now, and Twilight would by flying face first into the manticore’s mouth.

They’d looked at the manticore whose mouth was open eagerly. He was essentially getting a free three course meal!

They watched as Twilight flew out of the mouth of the cannon and hit the apex of her trajectory before falling like a rock right into the manticore’s mouth.

The manticore didn’t even bother with chewing, eager in his bid to eat the alicorn whole, he swallowed her up in one fell swoop.

It was here that the strangest thing happened: they could hear Twilight’s voice from inside the manticore’s stomach.

“It’s really dark in here,” she said, sounding not the least perturbed that she’d somehow survived or that she wasn’t bothered by her situation. “But I’ve always wanted to get a closer look a manticore’s organs.”

The three just shook their heads fondly as they watched the manticore lie on his back, moaning in pain. It was clear that Twilight’s newfound enthusiasm hadn’t been dimmed in lieu of a light as her magic had been sealed. They could tell that she was longing for a quill and some parchment if only to take notes on the whole experience.

Figuring that Twilight had had enough fun seeing all the fascinating insides of a manticore, Discord teleported her out. They’d all had to cover their noses of the putrid smell of manticore insides.

“Go take a shower, Twilight,” Spike said through a pinched nose. Twilight conceded after taking a quick whiff of herself. She had to agree and with that she trotted back to her castle. The other three gathered around to discuss what to do next.

“We’re going to have to repeat that,” Starlight murmured to Spike and Discord. “When the list says being eaten, chewing is expected as part of that definition and that manticore just swallowed Twilight whole.”

“Yes,” Discord agreed. “That one was always a bit of a showoff. I believe that one will require more training. However, we don’t have many other options as the rest of the manticores I have aren’t safe enough to have roaming openly as this one is.”

“Where are the rest of them?” Spike couldn’t help but ask, wanting to be involved in the conversation.

Rather than provide a verbal answer, Discord tore a hole in space and gestured for Spike to come forward. The dragon only had to take a couple steps to see and what he saw surprised him yet it didn’t surprise him.

It was a circus.

A circus filled with dangerous creatures performing acrobatics on tightropes.

Spike and Starlight who’d peered in curiously behind him both stared at Discord. He raised his arms and shrugged.

“I can’t exactly enslave ponies and make them my pets,” he explained. “And I doubt Fluttershy would appreciate me using her precious woodland creatures for my own nefarious purposes.” Starlight had to agree with that. She knew the pegasus would take offense to any perceived slight against her beloved animal friends. “So dangerous, ravenous creatures was the next best thing to get my fix. Besides,” he grinned toothily at them, “it’s not like they don’t get perks for being my precious circus performance group.”

Starlight was keen on learning more but before she could so much as ask a question, Twilight had returned squeaky clean. She was a little annoyed that she would have to repeat the experience of being eaten by a manticore if only because it defeated the purpose of bathing. Still, at least this time she was armed with a quill, parchment, and a flashlight. This time, she would get the information she craved.

Assuming she survived of course.

“Here goes,” she murmured, hopping into the cannon at Discord’s prompt. They hadn’t waited long before the cannon fired the flying-without-wings alicorn. They watched with looks equal parts morbid fascination and disgust as the manticore was forced to chew. He growled as he realized that he couldn’t chew through Twilight’s flesh.

That and her shrieks of protest were starting to get on his nerves.

It was here that the three spectators realized something: Twilight’s bones withstood a giant block of steel on top of her until her bones inevitably gave into the pressure. What chance did a predator’s teeth, however sharp, stand compared to that?

As it turned out, it didn’t stand at all. With the pressure the manticore was exerting on Twilight’s skin leading to puncture wounds, it made no headway with actually tearing through Twilight’s flesh. In the end, he gave up and simply swallowed her whole. It didn’t help that on closer inspection, his teeth were now in pieces.

“Is it wrong that I feel bad for the manticore?” Starlight asked, picking up the pieces. Before anyone could say anything, Discord had already repaired the manticore’s teeth which now shone a bright white.

“There,” he said simply. “Good as new.”

Throughout all of this, Twilight had gotten familiar with the circulatory system of a manticore. She’d even gotten to sketch what a manticore heart looked! All in all, it had been a very good day. She hadn’t even been opposed to doing it three more times! It just meant more chances to learn about manticores!

As Twilight found herself patiently enduring the unpleasant sensation of being a manticore chew toy, Starlight and the others wondered aloud whether they should be worried about Twilight’s endless curiosity. Their concern was justified as Twilight brought a camera along for her next run.

Once it was clear that being eaten by a manticore was not going to kill Twilight, Discord decided to pull the plug. It was clear that they would be here all day unless they dragged Twilight away from the manticore.

Twilight grinned as she sifted meticulously through her stacks of notes. While surprised that being eaten by a manticore had done more damage to the manticore’s jaws than it had to her, Twilight was nonetheless pleased for the opportunity to be able to get a closer look at a manticore’s insides. It had been something of a fascinating case study to be able to see how a manticore differed from any other creature she’d studied.

Twilight wondered vaguely whether Fluttershy would be interested in her findings.

On the subject of dangerous animals, Twilight had noticed the cocktrice and the hydra: both of whom she’d had past unpleasant experiences dealing with them. Now that she’d collect a bounty of information on manticores, Twilight was tempted to ask Discord if she could be mauled by his hydra.

At the very least, she’d be able to get an idea of their claws sharpness while she was being mauled.

Plus she remembered seeing it on their list of things to try to test whether or not they were lethal to Twilight...