“So why did you bring me to your shack again?” Spike asked as he glanced up at me.

“I said I needed your help,” I told the small dragon as I glanced down at him, my hand rubbing the back of my neck as I gazed about my small home which Spike summed up pretty well. A shack. Yet I’ll say it was a shack that I had come to greatly respect and admire, why you may ask? Cause I built it myself, call me biased but with my skills in carpentry the mildew smell and creaky boards that made up my home is what I’ve come to love and cherish.

“Yeah, I got that.” Spike crossed his little T-Rex looking arms and frowned at me, his eyebrow cocked ever so slightly. “With what though?”

I flashed the little guy a smile. “With this!” I gestured towards a wooden dining chair in front of us.

“A chair?” His frown deepened.

“Not just any chair, Dino-man.” I caught Spike out of the corner of my eye rolling his own, I got behind the chair and held its sides. With a large shit eating grin I said, “My chair.”

Spike lowered his head and shook it, his claws pinching his snout he sighed. “You’re going to make me test it are you?” I nodded my head rapidly, humming excitedly. “Why not test it yourself?”

I pointed to a pile of broken chairs in the corner of my shack. “I’m tired of getting splinters in my ass.”

Spike groaned and rolled his eyes. “Just because I sit on it doesn’t mean it’s going to work for you,” he said to me.

I pursed my lips a bit and cocked an eyebrow. “Oh? Pray tell.”

Spiked curled his lips back a bit. “Well...I’m still a young dragon, you’re an adult heman––”

“Human, but I wish I was He-Man,” I interjected.

“What?” Spike gave me an irritated look.

“Pssh, kids these days,” I sighed.

Spike stared at me for a few more moments before shaking his head. “Okay. Anyways I’m still pretty young and my body is pretty different than yours. For a dragon I’m actually pretty light.” He gestured to himself.

“Fooey!” I dismissed him with a wave of my hand. “You’re still a growing boy. Now, now.” I patted the seat. “Take the seat.”

Spike took a deep breath and started to grumble as he walked over and climbed on to the chair. The limbs creaking as the dragon turned and plopped his rear down, silence enveloped the room.

“...” We both sat there for a few moments.

“...” time continued to pass.

“...” I check the watch I didn’t own.

“...” Spike was glancing towards me by that point.

“...” I smiled and gave a small wave, he raised an eyebrow.

“...” I squinted at him and leaned forward, he pulled back.

“...” I continued my advance.

“What’s wrong?” He finally spoke up.

“You have pretty eyes,” I whispered and spike jumped off the seat.

“WellokayI’moutofherechairisgoodverycomfortable. BYE!” Spike left the shack.

“...” I glance at my seat which held up pretty well.

“...” I pursed my lips and stepped around in front of it, shaking my rear a bit as I leaned down, I aimed for just the perfect spot. Biting my tongue I began my descent, my ass just barely touching the seat, I then slowly begin to apply the pressure. Everything was doing alright, the rear had finally touched down the chair was holding up nicely––

A loud snap sliced the inside of my ear and I felt gravity shove a large splinter right up into my ass cheek.

“DAMMIT!” Echoed throughout the Everfree that faithful morning.

Humming happily to myself I tossed another log onto my fire before turning back to the pan I didn’t own, taking the spatula, which also wasn’t mine. I pushed the eggs, which again weren’t mine either, around on the pan before giving them a nice flip. “Fuck!” I cursed when only half of the egg landed on the pan, the other half breaking and falling into the flames of the fire, which I did own. “The fair price I must pay to live in this world...” I mumbled to myself before taking half the egg and dropping it onto a plate, didn't own that either.

Going over to my tiny table, which I built with my excellent carpentry skills. I sat down and placed the plate on its surface. A snap caught my ear and I gasped as the table’s legs gave way and the whole thing fell onto the ground. I sighed. “Not again...” I looked my door, my eyes squinting. “I’m going to need more grass.”

After wolfing down my meal I now stood over my front lawn, my eyes scanning for the longest blades of grass I could use to tie my table back together. “Ahha!” I smiled and bent down to carefully, ever so carefully, pluck the single blade out from the ground.

“Hey, Isaac!”

“GAAH!” I let off a sharp cry when my single, precious blade of grass fell back into the tiny forest I plucked it from. Biting my lip I knew it was going to take forever to find that single piece again, I balled my hand into a fist and looked towards the voice. “WHAT?!” My frown carved even deeper when I saw that it was one of them.

Twilight Sparkle came up to me and smiled, a smile that I immediately knew was forced or one of concern...actually I couldn’t tell. “Sorry if I scared you,” She apologized softly and bowed her head.

I sneered and crossed my arms. “Y’know I swear I’d gone and told ya’ll I don’t appreciate you “Hornies” coming onto my here property.” Twilight blinked for a moment and coughed into her hoof.

“Uh well, it’s just that...Spike told me that he saw you get uh...hurt––”

“Spike ain’t seen shit.”

Twilight pursed her lip. “Uh well, he said that you fell and uh...were bleeding pretty bad so I brought you some bandages and some pain medicine.” Twilight’s horn flared to life, causing my heart to skip a beat.

“Turn that shit off!” I hopped back and held my hands up, my eyes closing to avoid looking into her searing, purple light.

Twilight gasped and immediately deactivated her horn. “S-sorry, I forgot how you don’t like magic.” She gulped. I slowly lowered my hands and took a breath.

“Either warn me, or don’t do that shit at all. Next time you turn that shit on, you’re out of here!” I jammed my finger back towards the direction of Ponyville.

Twilight nodded her head. “Yes, yes. You said the same thing last time...” she took a breath. “Why don’t you like magic anyways?”

“That ain’t of your concern.” Twilight opened her mouth to object but stopped and nodded, I also nodded in returned and gestured towards her bag. “Thank you for bringing these to me though, Horny, I do appreciate it.” Twilight gave me a look and sighed.

“Left saddlebag, you’ll find everything I brought there.” I smiled and nodded before going over and taking out a few rolls of bandages and blue, glistening vial.

“What’s this?” I glared down a Twilight and held the vial to her face.

“That’s Equestrain pain medication, take that and you’ll feel...uh as... high as a kite is how you put it last time you,” Twilight said as she tried to mimic my voice.

I blinked. “Oh, uh okay...I’m trusting you Horny...However...” I leaned down in front of the pony. “If anything voodoo related happens to me...I’ll have you know I have a––”

“A peculiar set of skills, I know I know. You say this every time,” Twilight said as she gave me a stern look. “Seriously, Isaac, I don’t know why you don’t like me so much. Literally ever since we met I’ve been helping you out, just please, trust me on this. Nothing is going to happen.”

“Alrighty then.” I pulled back. “Go on,” I nodded towards Ponyville. “Git!” A flash of light blinded me briefly and I squealed loudly like a little girl, stumbling back I nearly dropped the medicine and shook my head. Looking back Twilight was gone. “God i fucking hate it when she does that...” I took a breath and looked at the vial in hand, then back at my pretty sore and red ass. “Well...at least if I die or some shit...It’ll be in my home.”

I went inside clean myself up.

October, 17th 2017(?)

So the medicine wasn’t actually that bad, honestly, it had like a fizzy taste to it. It was like some kind of blue Mountain Dew...Oh God, I can’t even recall the last time I had Blue Mountain Dew. Though the medicine did sorta have this weird after taste, it was kinda spongy but it really only lasted for about thirty minutes because I didn't’ really have anything else to get rid of the taste.

I even cleaned out that hole the splinter made and patched my ass. Shitting is gonna be a little awkward, but hey I had worse. Better yet I fixed my table without finding any long grass! Those bandages can be used perfectly for fixing other things aside myself! Though one thing I did notice was that my food stocks are running a little low and it seems them Apple ponies got a bunch of new guard dogs to roam their orchards and I really don’t feel like using the last of my bandages on my ass again.

I could probably go after Twilight’s other friend...the Yellow one, she’s pretty nice. She’s not too scared of me anymore, but she doesn’t seem to understand the phrase, “Give me everything you have.”

The Pink one is usually always a perfect one to drop in on, sometimes literally.

Side note: fix hang glider.

Yet sweets aren’t going to tie me over through winter.

I’ll come up with a solution tomorrow morning.

Good night journal that doesn’t belong to me.

Author's Notes:

This story is literally just a guilty pleasure of mine.