Below me, where the path sloped down into a valley, were ponies. Now, I had fully expected my first encounter with my favorite four legged creatures to be an exciting and mind blowing experience. Well, it was mind blowing alright, but it wasn't exciting. In the words of a certain blonde headed video game vixen, it was in fact, “disasteriffic.”

To the side of the path several wagons lay overturned. Various goods and produce lay strewn about as if a tornado had struck. As I approached, I began to hear crying and sobbing of children. The mares looked distraught, a few of them holding foals close to them in comforting embraces. The stallions were working to right the wagons and pick up the merchandise with grim expressions.

I made my way down towards them, wondering what the hay had happened. A stallion noticed me and nudged his partner. The work quickly stopped as they all turned to stare, gathering into a crowd. Now that I was up close it became apparent just how big I really was. If an average pony comes up a to an average human's solar plexus, that had to make me... Holy crap! On top of being built like a Mack truck, I'm damn near eight feet tall.

“H... huge! You're huge!” A filly exclaimed with wide eyes.

(Great, now I'm gonna be known as Jumbo.) I thought.

That thought made me realize I could just as easily have wound up in the world of the Yotsuba manga... Then I imagined a smiling Yotsuba holding Apple Bloom whilst riding Fluttershy. If I ever gain the power to send people to other dimensions, I will make this happen. And all the worlds shall burn in fires of nuclear diabeetus! Muah ha ha ha ha!!!

“So... what exactly happened here?” I asked, looking around puzzled.

“It was awful!” A mare declared.

Le gasp! I'd know that wail anywhere. It belonged to none other than one of the Pretty Ponies Prone To Panic, Lily! She made her way out of the crowd and into my view. Now, when I said that this encounter wasn't exciting, I mighta sorta... lied to ya. Seeing a pony that I recognized for the first time was exactly like meeting a celebrity. Only awesome. I mean, she wasn't one of the Mane Six, but she was still from the show. Besides, the PPPTP always made made me crack up with laughter every time they appeared on the screen.

“Bandits attacked us and stole all of our bits! And not just any bandits, it was those horrible Flim Flam Brothers.” Lily stated.

Wait... Bandits? Assault and brigandry? In Ponyland? Flim and Flam turned literal highway robbers? Friendship Is Magic is now rated E for Error! Error! Does not compute!

“What?” Was the best I could come up with.

“Oh, you've probably never heard of them. If it weren't for them proudly announcing who was robbing us the only reason I'd know who they were was because they came to my town a few years back. They weren't bandits then though, they were snake oil salesmen.” She said a look of disgust.

“It just goes to show you, these are dangerous times we're living in.” A dark blue stallion commented. “If it isn't bandits its slavers. We're lucky they didn't decide to murder us outright. We never should have gone without an escort.”

Wh... what? Did I wind up in Fallout: Equestria? Please God let me not be in Fallout: Equestria. The lack of bomb shattered wasteland made that a rather unlikely possibility. Which lead me to only one conclusion. Ponyland was not the happy wonderful place we were told. It was lies. Hasbro was selling us nothing but a pack of lies. “Murder” was not a word I ever expected to hear a pony utter in my entire life. I was shocked.

“Well, back to work everypony.” The stallion said.

The others returned to their cleanup efforts leaving the pink mare with me.

“You're not from around here are you?” Lily asked, trotting back to her cart.

I righted it for her, trying to think of what to say. How much should I tell her?

“No, I'm foreign.” I said.

Well, I guess technically it wasn't a lie.

“Thanks, so you're from the Dominion then?”

My confused response came out on reflex, realizing I had slipped up afterward.

“The Dominion?”

Now Lily was looking at me with her jaw hanging open. I winced. At this point, I knew I was caught. I was missing a hefty amount of common knowledge here and by this point it was too late for the tried and true 'amnesia' excuse. Knowing ponies tendency toward hysterics I glanced around to see that the others were ignoring us.

“Uh... look Lily, we should have a talk.” I said.

Her eyes widened.

“How do you know my name...”

Her eyes narrowed.

“Are you a spy?!”

I thought it was just Rainbow Dash. Holy crap what IS it with ponies and spies?! With a sigh I started picking up bags what I assumed to be flower seeds from around the cart and loading it up.

“No Lily, I'm an alien with special knowledge of Equestria but know of nothing beyond its borders.” I stated with utmost seriousness.

The blonde stared at me for a few seconds and then burst out laughing. Eventually she flopped onto her back and started wiggling her legs.

“Puh.. pull another one!” She chortled, wiping her eyes.

“I'm not kidding.”

Recovering from her giggle fit and getting to her feet, she shook her head.

“Right right, next you'll be telling me humans are real too and that Lyra was right about them all along. Well anyway I needed a good laugh after what happened today.”

At this point, I could see that she wasn't going to believe me. Seems I didn't have a choice but to drop the bombshell. Taking a cue from Pinkie Pie and Apple Bloom, I sucked in a huge breath and spouted:

“You're from the town of Ponyville. Your two best friends are named Daisy and Roseluck, but everyone calls her Rose for short. Almost every week something crazy happens in Ponyville and gets resolved by or is caused by Twilight Sparkle and her circle of friends. Their names are Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie Pie works at Sugarcube Corner. Dash is on the weather team. Applejack farms apples. Rarity is a seamstress. Twilight is the personal student of Princess Celestia and has a baby dragon assistant named Spike. Fluttershy cares for animals and has a really jerky pet rabbit named Angel Bunny who horribly mistreats her despite the fact that she is wonderful and amazing and is the best pony.”

Lily's response? Pretty much what I expected. She fainted. That caught the others attention and I quickly had to come up with an excuse. Fanning her off I said:

“Uh... stress?”

Yeah. Real clever I know. Look, I never claimed to be some smooth talker okay? The ponies rolled their eyes and continued working. Even though I didn't recognize any of the others as being from Ponyville, they were apparently familiar enough with Lily to know that she faints at the drop of a hat.

So it turns out that the little caravan was headed to Canterlot to sell their wares. But since their bits were gone they had no money for lodgings and were forced to head home. Seems as though my suspicions were correct. Of this entire group only Lily was from Ponyville. By the time Lily had recovered the other ponies carts were all loaded and they were ready to get going.

I could tell they had their doubts about leaving the mare with me. Let's be honest here, I know I'm scary looking. But so far I had given them no cause to distrust me, and so the ponies headed their separate ways. Soon enough it was just me, a cart and a very disturbed Lily.

I was rather impressed with her though. Here I thought the PPPTP were completely flighty. She was handling this whole thing rather well. After the initial shock she seemed to calm down and accept the idea that I meant no harm, and God bless her for that. Shit, if some alien showed up on Earth I'd be paranoid as FUCK. I've seen The Thing about a billion times. I know what happens when the aliens come. Folks get ett, that's what. ET? Spielburg himself is an alien and ET: The Extra Terrestrial was his attempt to lure us into a false sense of security. I'M ON TO YOU SPIELBURG!!!

“So... you're going to Ponyville?” Lily asked.

“Well, I don't really have anywhere else to go and besides, Ponyville is where my favorite mare lives. I want to say hello.”

(And hug her and squeeze her and..) Said my brain.

“How do you know so much about us?”

“Uh, look. There's a lot of metaphysical stuff involved here and I'm not too good with words. Basically... to me and my people, you and Equestria are works of fiction. There's this this thing called the Many Worlds Theory that states there are an infinite number of realities. I dunno how we wound up with a glimpse of your world or how the hell that works so don't bother asking. Anyway, a very special lady named Lauren Faust came up with the idea for...”

Hmm, how to explain the concept of television to her? I remembered that they had movies in Hurricane Fluttershy, and since that was the most comparable technology it would have to do.

“... a series of thirty minute movies about the lives of the Elements of Harmony and the magic of friendship and it has become massively popular.”

“So, where's your flying saucer?” Lily asked, throwing me for a loop.

“My flying... No no no. That's not how I got here. Some kind of malevolent entity sent me here for reasons unknown. I think... I think it might have been something similar to Discord.”

At the mention of the draconequuis, her eyes bulged out and she put her hooves on the sides of her head in memory of THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

“Girabbits...” I heard her whisper.

Yeah, I hated those damn Salvador Dali bunnies myself. Fucking CREEPY.

“Oh! I haven't even asked your name Mr. Alien Guy.” Lily said, coming to her senses.

“Well back home my real name was Peter, but you can call me Fudge on account of these big brown eyes and the fact that I love chocolate.”

I waggled my bushy eyebrows at her, causing her to giggle. She extended her hoof and I shook it.

“Pleased to meet you Fudge.”

“Likewise Miss Lily.”

“So, tell me about yourself.”

“Hmm, not much to tell really. Oh yeah, before the... whatever it was sent me here, I used to be a human.”

“Oh come on, now you're just teasing!”

“No really! On my planet, unicorns and pegasi are considered mythological beings. And from what I gather, humans are considered the same here. I guess you guys must have glimpsed Earth or something.”

“Lyra's going to freak out when she meets you. She's sort of a mythophile.”

“I know.” I grimaced, imagining a rampaging Lyra chasing me across the countryside.

That sort of gave Lily pause.

“Just how much do you know about us?” She inquired.

“Hmm... well, a lot of what I 'know' might turn out to not be true, but I'm pretty sure most if it is.”

I started telling her about all the ponies I could think of, from the Princesses to Berry Punch. When I came to Bon Bon, I stopped and a smirk crept onto my face.

“What's with that look?”

“Is true about Lyra and Bon Bon?” I asked.

“Is what true?” Lily asked, confused.

“That they're.. you know..”

She tilted her head the way a curious puppy does. Then I realized. Equestria is probably a hell of a lot more tolerant of that sort of thing. For her “Lyra and Bon Bon” was probably just another fact of life. I face palmed, feeling embarrassed.

“Nevermind. It's none of my business.”

“OHH!” She exclaimed, finally getting my meaning. “Yeah, they totally are. Wait.. You guys speculate about that kind of stuff?”

That made me laugh.

“Oh Lily, you've got no idea. We fans speculate about everything.”

Author's Notes: