After my trip with Luna to the spa we had gone our separate ways, unfortunately my unique position meant that Luna really couldn't understand my predicament fully, though bless her heart she tried.

I was playing with Rin’s token in my temporary room in the palace, and toying with the idea of summoning the playful fox despite it not being long since we last spoke. My tail swished absently from side to side expressing my inner frustration. I set myself on a path and readied the room for Rin’s arrival with booze and Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice cream and summoned the fox hoping she doesn't get the wrong idea. “Rin, I need some advice from one dude turned into a female to another.”

Rin was sitting in the training room watching her newest minion bouncing around and making annoying sound effects as she got stronger. This was her first attempt to make her own dark angel and she wanted to see what she could do as it grew. Suddenly her ears twitched as she heard a call and sighed.

“That’s enough training for now. I just got a call so I’m heading out.” Rin told the bouncy little angel before opening a portal which the dark angel cannon balled into. “... Well… That’s going to be a surprise I guess.”

I was waiting with the booze, several jugs of saké and ice cream as I carefully laid on the mess of pillows I had set up near the fireplace.
I didn't have to wait long before the four crystal pillars and a massive hole appeared in the floor.

At that moment a ball of pink shot out of the pit before stopping mid air and looking around. She looked like chibi, anthro Pinkamena. She wore what looked like black leather armor built like a one piece swimsuit with a black skirt. The breast were covered in cartoonish skulls and hanging from her waist were chains holding tiny cages. As a weapon it wielded a scythe with a handle that looked like it was once a spine that ended in another obviously fake skull with the blade coming out of its mouth. The one eye that wasn’t covered by her dark pink mane shot around the room rapidly. The whites were actually black with glowing red pupils.

“Madre de dios!!!”[mother of god] I exclaimed as it appeared, shouting which caught its attention as if focused on me, then it focused on my cookie dough and with a manic grin it shot over and snatched it up before shoving all of it in her mouth as she floated high and hummed contently.

“Oi! That was Rin’s ice cream! You gratuitously gluttonous glucose sucking fiend!”

“As much as I appreciate the thought. I would never have been able to taste that small amount. Remember how I drank my tea? Unless it’s made of energy, that’s how I consume everything. I would need enough to fill a small pool to taste it and even then for only a moment.” Rin said as she climbed out of her hole.

“So I take you don't want this load of saké then, ‘cause I can't drink at the moment due to my condition,” I asked with a raised eyebrow, as I waved my right fore hoof over the saké.

“You know what? I’m not sure I can even get drunk anymore. At least not in the traditional way. I don’t have a stomach anymore. Just this void that breaks what I suck in down into pure energy.” Rin admitted.

“So like Kirby then, well that sucks. How about intravenously?” I asked curiously as I conjured an IV and hooked a saké jug on to it. Rin was backing away now.

“Oh fine you big baby,” I got rid of everything and beckoned Rin to sit down,

“So first I think I should start with why I wanted to talk to you. You see, I am pregnant with twins (which technically makes you a graunty), Celestia's the sire, and so I have been having issues with my hormones. A noble by the name of Sugar Sweets insulted me, and in my anger I responded with fairy law,” I gulped and continued, “If Celestia hadn't been meaning to propose to me while I was doing day court for her and she hadn't come to investigate why I was leaking power I would have killed the foal!”

“I see.” Rin hummed. “Good thing she stopped you. That spell is nasty. More so with dark magic. Still, would you like me to place a curse on the guy? Nothing deadly or permanent of course. I find that nobles in particular have a strong distaste for the Morgan Freeman curse.”

“While that would be hilarious, no. I think I traumatised him because he froze up after I started casting. He couldn't even respond to my demand for him to beg for forgiveness and to repent (I kinda went old testament on the idiot,) and I obviously shouldn't have exploded like I did when he basically just called me a noob” I explained as I lowered my ears and head in shame, “it’s really going to take some time to get used to my ears moving,”

“Wait, that’s all? Well, you are preggers now, so unreasonable emotions and outbursts are to be expected. So what exactly is it that you needed my HAY! Stop that!” Rin shouted and summoned the chibi angle to her and hugged it to herself. “We do not hang ponies by their undies on a tree like Christmas decorations without just cause. Even if they are nobles!” Rin chastised the dark angel, “Anyways, what did you need help with exactly?”

“Mostly advice, not only am I going to be a mother, to twins, no less. I am also going to be a wife. So first and foremost advice and tips are appreciated, maybe some help with my raging hormones, even just a simple conversation would help. I am kind of out of my depth, I wasn't even ready but my foolishness about needing to see Celestia during my heat sealed my fate, I knew those low cut maid uniforms didn't need to be that short, don't get me wrong I love 'Tia but-”

“Stop! Don’t need any mental images!” Rin cried out in a panic and disgust. “I raised my Sunny Bunny and Moon Pie, I don’t want to hear about any version of them doing THAT!” A shudder went down Rin’s body after she spoke.

“Sorry,” I apologised sheepishly.

“Well, anyways I can’t stop you from feeling hormones, and it’s a bit late to start the self control training I went through so that I wouldn’t be forced to chase a ball every time one was thrown.” Rin began.

Must resist urge to shout squirrel, I thought,

“But I do have plenty of experience dealing with baby gods so I can give advice there. I’m not going to lie, they will drive you up the wall at times. Remember that old baby cakes episode?” Rin asked. “Imagine the twins with the powers of Discord, the strength of an adult dragon and the energy to keep going ten times longer than the average toddler on a sugar high. And that’s when they just wake up. Don’t even get me started on the magic surges.”

“What have I gotten myself into? At least I have Celestia by my side and Luna is excited to be an aunt.” I say with a thousand yard stare,

“And you have a babysitter with the experience to handle the little monsters just a token call away.” Rin reassured with a pat to my back.

I grabbed Rin in my forehooves and gave her a bone crushing hug as I started to cry, “fucking hormones!” I exclaimed as I cried into Rin's coat,

After a few minutes I croaked out, “thanks Rin, I wish I wasn't so reliant on others, for fucks sake I'm a goddess, I should be able to do anything and yet here I am bawling my eyes out over all this! What a joke that is, unlimited cosmic power and can't do shit with it!” I growled out,

“Th-That’s life.” Rin wheezed out. “All I can assure you is that you won’t have to go through this alone.” Rin said as she desperately tried to take in air.

Seeing Rin struggling I released her, “Oops! Sorry, guess I don't know my own strength, I really need to get better at this if I'm going to fight to protect my family,”

“Not your fault.” Rin said as she began to grow larger. Once she was big enough she picked me up and sat me on her lap before hugging me to her stomach. “There, this way you can let it all out and I get to breath while you do it.” Rin said in a joking manner while she paws me a conjured hanky.

I sniffed, however the tears wouldn't come, “by Thanatos's diseased asshole I can't cry anymore!” I grumbled, “moving on I guess, what's happening on your side? Any luck testing out dark fairy law, or would that be grimoire law, whatever it's just a name. Any maidens you managed to win the heart of?”

“Well… I did take it out to the badlands with some skeletons and tested it with them and some giant scorpions. The results were…. Brutal.”

“How brutal we talking here? Mortal kombat brutal or punisher brutal?” I asked,

“Resident Evil brutal. Instead of outright killing the target then and there it mutated. Muscles twist and protrude from the body while its shell splintered. they became monsters that immediately attacked each other till there was only one left which then sought out and killed what I think was its family and I’m pretty sure it was self aware while it did it. Afterwards it just went on a rampage until its body couldn’t handle the strain of its new strength. It literally tore itself apart with its movements, slowly over time.” Rin answered.

“Wow! Sucks to be him, I guess you won't be using that anytime soon unless it's a situation like where Horny would have been summoned. Maybe not even that. And now I feel dirty for even suggesting such a thing,” I squirm as I replied.

“What about a maiden? Have you found anypony who you want to settle down with?” I ask attempting to change the subject,

“No, I’ve been too busy to even think about such things. I have been getting summoned a lot lately.” Rin replied.

“Do you need any help, bearing in mind my condition it won't be any combat help?” I ask

“No no, I’m good. I have plenty of minions to do my bidding.” Rin replied.

I sighed, “ I really hate not being able to return the favor, it makes me feel like a leech. Like in that linkin park song ‘a place for my head’.”

“I don’t know what that is. But if that’s how you feel you can toss a few dark or cursed artifacts that are no doubt locked away at the palace into the sacrificial pit in my temple for me to munch on later.” Rin said with a shrug as she petted my head.

I sat up and tapped my chin with a hoof, pondering before I come up with an idea, “Oh, I got some already, I hid them away from ponies.” I began concentrating and focusing my will, “I would stand back if I were you Rin,” I added while I prepared to breach the prison I created to hold the artifacts, as Rin backed away far enough knocking a chandelier on the way. I opened the seal and pulled out seven artifacts, “The elements of chaos and the alicorn amulet,” I said as I pulled them out, “Greed, Dishonesty, Disloyalty, Cruelty, Apathy and Solitude.”

“Elements of Disharmony?” Rin asked as she looked at the items before taking them and ending them away. “I’ll eat them later.”

“Yes, they were created by Discord, when he felt that harmony had gone too far, however the effects drained him with each use so he asked me to hide them away when he came to my stone prison as he could no longer destroy them without destroying himself,”

“Oh. You know, when I eat dark artifacts I absorb their power before they dissolve. If they get their power directly from him and I consume them…” Rin let that hang in the air.

“If you're worried about the balance, he isn't the only chaos god here, Pandora is here as well,”

“So you don’t mind him being stripped of all his power? Even if he can become a friend?” Rin asked.

“Nope, it’d be for his own good, Pandora has plans to do similar to Discord via less pleasant means, at least that is what he told me, and because of the chaos here it will keep him alive.”

“Alright. If that’s the case I’ll eat them now.” Rin said as she summoned them back’ tossed them into the air and sucked them in along with any lightweight items around us. “Sorry, you can just recreate those things right?”

“I can, though I'd rather not have to in the first place,” I sighed as I recreated the lost furniture and other items, “You want this alicorn amulet? I wouldn't be surprised if all that power you’re taking doesn't end up making you a chaos goddess,” I commented as I laughed. “ Perhaps I should learn that magic sucking spell, another sub lethal spell is always welcome.”

“It’s a dark magic spell, and no worries. My body converts the power into my own over time so I can’t get a new aspect this way.” Rin replied.

“Hmmn, if I had the formula for the absorb magic spell, I could reverse engineer it, but it'd probably just give the target unbelievable pleasure knowing my luck.”

“Probably. The part of the spell that lets you take the magic and make it yours is dependent on the hungry nature of darkness. Regardless, I know the spell well. Here, let me write it down for you. You just need to promise not to share this knowledge and destroy the notes when you have them down. Don’t want this becoming public knowledge where anyone could get it..”

“Okay, I swear on my power that I shall never reveal this spell to another except in the event you are okay with it and they swear the same oath,” as soon as the words left my mouth my body convulsed as if something slithered through my body, “Holy fucking shit, That oath works!?” I exclaimed,

“Yes, as does the oath on the River Styx. Now if another learns this spell from you even if it’s not your fault you’ll lose all your power. So be careful of spies.” Rin said with a smile.

I took the spell book and hid it away in a pocket dimension, “that thing is never leaving my side, and as for the hunger component, I can create black holes” I said as I created a tiny miniscule singularity, “so maybe I can use that as a basis,” I replied.

“...I’m pretty sure that would just send their magic somewhere else, if not destroy it outright instead of giving it to you.” Rin said with her head cocked to the side.

“Eh, it's an untested theory and testing and experimenting with it should be fun,”

“But you’d need to create that black hole inside yourself and connect it with your magic. That sounds painful. Unless you’re going to recreate the spell from the ground up.” Rin said.

“Yeah, the black hole isn’t going to be used as a black hole, but more the methodology of creating one requires you compress light until it gains mass, and when there is enough mass it collapses on itself and then give itself a hunger it can never fill,”

“Ya, still might want to have a test subject first. That can do a lot of damage even to you if done wrong.” Rin said in concern.

“Oh don't worry, watch,” I said as I created a light construct duplicate, who waved to Rin. I also created one in the shape of an imp with a pickaxe, “dig,dig, dig!” it exclaimed happily,

“You overestimate the original imp’s linguistics skills.” Rin said in a joking manner as she watched the fake imp.

“Eh, that would have been a headache, if I chose to make it exactly like the originals. I can be quite anal when it comes to grammar,” I shot back in a joking tone, “Still, one good spell deserves another, hmmmn, you're tactical yes?” I ask absently,

“Yep, I almost never try to overpower an opponent, instead outthinking them.” Rin replied.

“Two choices then, requip magic or celestial keys?” I asked,

“...I’m starting to get the feeling that you might have been a big Fairytale fan.” Rin said with a deadpan.

“You would be correct, however I know other spells from other fiction, some I personally can't use as the dark path is lost to me, and I doubt you’d need magia erebea anyway”

“Well, anyways, with my hand of evil I can summon any item in my dungeon to me, so requiping is useless to me, and I already have minions that could take on the Celestial King and win and I just need my portals to bring them to the field.”

“Hmmn, I know you know a thunder spell, but how would you like chíllia astrape the thousand thunderbolts or perhaps something else?

Rin hummed as she thought deeply. “Oh! Do you know the enchantment for those Fairytale glasses that let you read super fast!? I have so many books and not enough time to read them.” Rin said with a whine.

“Hmmn, give me a moment, I have a surprise in store for you, what do you know of light? While I do this, ponder this question.”

“I know plenty about light. It pays to know your kryptonite. Even if someone means for a positive effect, that stuff is just unhealthy for my body.” Rin said with a shudder.

“Go on,” I hum contemplatively while I worked, “specifically what do you know? Elaborate, my friend?” I chuckled,

“I’m not sure where to start? The laws of light magic, physics, photons?” Rin asked.

“Start with the basics of light magic, the fundamentals, for therein lies the clue,” I guided cryptically,

“You’re making me very uncomfortable. Considering I’m involved the laws of light aren't enough. One must consider the laws of darkness as well and what effects they will have on each other.”

I chuckled good-naturedly, “Okay, let me narrow it down, there are two types of light magic,” Rin just looked at me like I had just told her the earth is flat.

“Understandable reaction Look, I summon positive light in my right hoof and negative light in my left hoof.While the right looked like light should, the magic in the left has huge chunks of darkness interspersed with light. Positive light heals the sick, restores life, guides your way and warms you up when you are cold, it shields you. Negative light damages, debuffs, breaks barriers, makes the target cold, fills them with fear. When you see a person or pony use the light to attack they use negative light. You maybe wondering what this has to do with my surprise, well, as a dark mage you should know that even in the darkest darkness there is light, sappy as that may sound.”

“Divine and infernal light yes. That’s why I was confused. There are just those two forms of light magic. No other.” Rin said as she looks away.

“Just as darkness has light, light has darkness, what do you suppose will happen when you reduce the light? I may as well show you before I start annoying you with cryptic prose, I syphoned the light from the negative light and boiled it down to its darkest form and solidified it into a sphere, a lacrima.” I finished and hoofed it to Rin as I finished the glasses and popped them on her mask, “and not just any lacrima, a shadow dragon slayer lacrima, keep it for yourself or one of your worthy minions.”

“Look, I already know about infernal light. Remember last time I told you I can cast Swords of Revealing Light? That’s how.” Rin said in exasperation. “But even that stuff is dangerous to me if it directly interacted with my body. Okay to touch, so long as it won’t get inside me.” She said as she takes the glasses off to look at them like they were a bomb.

“Try them out silly,” I chided playfully. Rin just sighed at this before creating a fox imp and placing the glasses on it instead before giving it a small book.

“You know I'd be hurt, if I didn't already have a precedent for light magic reacting badly with you,”

Reacting to an unspoken command the fox opened the book and started flipping through pages as words of negative light entered its eyes. It got about halfway through when it dropped the book and its eyes started boiling. Soon they popped out of its head along with its oozing brains before it simply fell over.

I sighed, “screw it, I give up.”

“Sorry, but you should know there are exceptions to every rule. My magic is like the magic in an elemental plane of darkness. You should know how any light reacts there. But I guess my minions which have no such magical nature can use it.” Rin said with a shrug. “And I can reverse engineer it to make a dark equivalent as the consumption of knowledge would go well with the nature of darkness, so still good gifts.” Rin said with a smile.

“You might want to warn whoever gets that lacrima implanted that they will be forever altered by it,” I warned, “Heh, at least they would be able to eat shadows or use shadows to travel or hide.” I chuckled,

“I’ll give it to Vinyl first, but I’m not sure if it will take. As a vampire she likes to take full advantage of her ability to be killed and come back in her coffin, and I’m not sure it will go with her when she reforms or stay where she died.” Rin said as she studied it.

“Let’s hope not, if it fuses with her body, she may become a first generation dragon slayer like Natsu was,”

“Here's a copy of the enchantment schematics for the glasses and lacrima,” I said as I handed over the schematics.

“I wonder if I'll meet other displaced that I can trade with, open ‘Palutena's spell workshop, any spell from most fictions available’, a thousand years is a long time to kill,”

“Well that’s your choice. I made a massive library and built a multidimensional city and a school of magic came to me. There is literally a flying castle outside my city that acts as a magic school that moved through worlds to get to my books.” Rin said.

“Hang on a sec,” I said as I created an interactive hologram,

“What is the nature of the medical emergency?” it asked emotionlessly,

“Oops wrong settings!” I exclaimed switching configurations

“A human Palutena stood next to me, “Caveat emptor, no refunds!” I tweaked it a little bit more, “Welcome to Palutena's spell shop, located scenic Rin’s city, all funds go to Palutena's spells making fictional spells a reality,” it said cheerfully, “Gold, Qinah, gold pressed latinum, pound sterling, credits, US dollars and bits accepted, we do not accept the Scottish pound or the scoltish bit. custom commissions cost extra and are accepted on a case by case basis,”

“The city’s name is Alexandria.” Rin said helpfully.

“Thank you,” I replied as I tweaked that last bit of code, I placed the holo emitter in Rin’s paw, “Okay, so just place that anyplace you think is appropriate and it’ll automatically set up shop,” I explained while Rin looked like I just gave her an armed mini nuke.

“Okay, There are still a few empty shops in the magic district.” Rin said nervously. The rent is cheap and it's within easy walking distance of the magic school and the druid shops where plants can be bought, so you can make good bits there.” Rin said as she summoned a box and carefully placed it inside.

“Here's the first five months then,”I say, summoning ten bags of bits and gems five of each, “hopefully this covers the costs?” I asked, Rin looked down at the bag and removed the gems.

“Gems are worthless in my world because they are so numerous, and like in the games if my imps mine a gem seam they get an infinite supply, but this should cover that time yes.” Rin answered.

I replied by switching the five gem bags to bits, “Is that better? Consider it escrow for emergencies,” Rin just nodded and sent the bits away.

“Yes it is. Now anything else you would like to do?” Rin asked.

“I know it's not of my 'Tia and Lulu, but can you bring foal pictures?” I asked,

“Oh, and give this saké to 'Tia, Lulu and anypony brave enough to try some” Ten jugs of saké appeared.

“Unfortunately it will all go to Luna. Celestia has never gotten drunk. I think some of the things I’ve done while drunk scared her away from the stuff. As for the baby pictures.” Rin said, and a book appeared covering Palu’s face, and when it was moved away it had a huge smile.

Meanwhile at Canterlot palace, Rin’s Equestria.
Celestia shuddered and looked around to see what caused it, then the royal canterlot voice wailed from deep in the palace echoing off the walls, “Nooooooooooooo!”
Meanwhile in Fluttershy’s cottage Discord was having tea, when suddenly he fell to the floor in hysterical laughter, it was as if his sides had exited the multiverse. Literally his sides detached and disappeared only to come home hungover with a tattoo saying ‘what happens outside the multiverse stays outside the multiverse.’ causing poor Fluttershy much confused frustration for the gentle buttercup-yellow coated pegasus mare,

“Well that was a nice way to kill some time, gave me an idea of what my own foals might try, while they go on their adventures, thank you Rin,” I thanked the fox for her time, “unless there is something you want to say or add, I'd say our contract is complete?” I asked with a smile, with a salute a portal opened up and started sucking the fox and her angel up.

“Don’t forget the enchantment for the diapers! Or they will break open!” And with that last warning Rin was gone.

And with that last bit of excitement over I laid down and fell asleep.

Back home in her own world, Rin gathered the new items, spells and copious amounts of alcohol, to take inventory,

“Oh, before I forget.” Rin said as she summoned a fox imp and gave it a box. “Take this and activate it behind the counter of that store on the corner of paw avenue and activate what’s inside. Someone's renting it now.” With a nod the fox took the box and ran off.

Celestia approached Rin with caution around the pungent smell of alcohol and the items of curious power, “Aunty, what is all this?” She asked, eyeing Rin's goodies that surrounded her.

“Doth mine nose deceive me, Saké!? Didst thou goeth to Neighpon, Aunty?” Luna asked and squealed in delight.

“No, just visited another displaced. I got you a souvenir!” Rin said with cheer as she floated the drink over to Luna who gave a squeal of delight and started chugging.

A giant ten layer, double chocolate fudge brownie chocolate gateaux stood there, dwarfing Celestia. It had a message attached to it, removing it with her magic Celestia licked her lips, ‘I didn't forget to give you something Celestia’ written on the card

“Who provided us with this bounty Aunty?” Celestia asked.

“Your fiancé and foal mama, you met her a while back, the lesbian light goddess, she's now engaged to her version of you and preggers by you.” Celestia's eye twitched before cake overwhelmed her conflicting feelings over being a sire even in another world,

“...Well I should be getting back to work.” Celestia said as she began to walk away carrying the sweet treat in her magic.

“Enjoy!” Rin called out with a smile and a wave. “The laxatives.” She then whispered under her breath.

Author's Notes:

Another collaborative crossover with clockworklich's the beating of my heart

Palutena has decided to pass her time making spells based off of fictional source material, if you wish to shop at Palutena's spells store, go to Alexandria city in the beating of my heart world. Or if you are feeling like you could do with a kiosk or store in your own world, please contact me by pm and we can work something out.