Contrary to a popular belief, Vinyl Scratch wasn’t spending her entire day hanging out in front of the store. She also performed at a couple of local clubs and, when she felt like it, she was crashing the weddings just to get to the buffet. Currently, however, she was sleeping in her bedroom, surrounded by things such as empty bottles, pizza boxes, traffic cones, musical instruments, speakers, amplifiers, and half-finished androids.

It was almost midday, but Vinyl didn’t care. Usually, she’d only wake up when the need to pee would overcome the force of gravity tying her to the bed, and no such thing had happened yet. However, she opened her eyes, only to realise that the window was open, she was lying naked on her bed, and no one came at night to replace her with a changeling. Unless, of course, she herself was a changeling.

After a while of staring at the ceiling, Vinyl decided to make some use of waking up at such an early hour. She reached for her laptop and turned it on. After a while of searching the web, she finally found something interesting and started to watch it.

She was barely in, when she heard her phone. A text message, which meant some friendly soul. All of Vinyl’s friends learned long ago that calling her would be a waste of time.

Vinyl paused the video and grabbed the phone. She smirked – it was a message from Octavia.

Hello, luv <3 What r u doin?

It didn’t take long for Vinyl to write a reply.

Whacking off to three schoolgirls in the forest. Two are pregnant and the third has a dick. You?

She put the phone back on the nightstand and took a look at the video, rubbing her slit with her fingers. Honesty was always the best policy. Usually, after such an information, Octavia would stop texting her for at least half of the day.

However, this was not the case today. The schoolgirls barely got out of their uniforms, when Vinyl heard another signal telling her that her phone wouldn’t let her get laid. Sighing, she grabbed it.

This time, it wasn’t Octavia. Lemon Zest, a girl from Crystal Prep who Vinyl met during the Friendship Games, apparently decided to send her a cryptic message.

Check out the news.

Vinyl had always wondered how people in the movies could, after receiving such a message, not only find the right channel, but also hear the news from the beginning to an end. However, she couldn’t check that out, as her TV flew out of the window during one of the parties, and she never felt like replacing it. So instead, she just opened a new tab and typed the address of the first news site that came to her mind.

Never before had Vinyl put her sunglasses on so quickly, just to lower them in disbelief.

Trixie got up from the table and looked at the plan once again. Everyone looked at her, but she just produced her phone. “Trixie has to call someone first…”

Sophisticata Purity Mad’ness Freiin von Rosencrantz ab und zu Guildenstern was actually born to Mr. and Ms. Johnson, but she wouldn’t let such a plebeian name overshadow her artistic image. She also wouldn’t let anyone see her in a disheveled state, even at five o’clock in the morning.

When Trixie called her, she darted out of her bed, had a shower, got dressed, applied her make-up, and even managed to grab a cup of coffee before Trixie and her bizarre bunch of friends appeared in front of her house.

Sophisticata’s friendship with Trixie dated back to a particular avant-garde musical adaptation of The Scottish Play, where Trixie, Fuchsia Blush, and Lavender Lace played the three witches. Trixie’s acting career then continued with some critically-appraised roles, like Gertrude in Hamlet, and Nurse in Romeo and Juliet. Sophisticata was currently writing a musical that’d definitely get them both to Broadway.

Now, however, she stood at her porch, watching Trixie’s beaten-down car stopping by the pavement. Trixie walked out of it, accompanied by, as far as Sophisticata remembered, Laertes from Hamlet, one of the gravediggers from the same play, and a female Estragon from her genderbent adaptation of Waiting for Godot. Or, in other words, Flash Sentry, Scootaloo, and Sunset Shimmer.

Sophisticata knew almost all of her former classmates by name. After all, almost every single of them played at least a small part in one of the plays. If only to get a better grade.

“Blessed be those who visit this house,” Sophisticata said, bowing slightly. “What do you need, Beatrix?”

“Hello, Sophie,” Trixie muttered, pulling Sunset closer towards Sophisticata. “Well, for starters, this here girl needs to seem insane.”

Sophisticata looked at Sunset, tilting her head and raising her eyebrows. Then she clicked her tongue and clapped her hands. “What exactly do you need? A classic madwoman in the attic, blood-drenched psycho with an axe, thin existentialist in black clothes who sings sad songs in French or something else entirely?”

“Nothing over the top,” Trixie replied. “Just a girl in white clothes, looking forward to embrace death or something. May be a tad of the littlest leukemia patient, but her hair must stay.”

“The fuck am I getting myself into?” Sunset shuddered as Sophisticata pulled her into an embrace. There was a reason she kept avoiding this household during her panty raids. Those slightly conservative classic briefs made of dark silk were just not worth the risk of getting caught and being molested with Christian communism, Roland Topor, Michel Houellebecq, and whatever was going on in Sophisticata’s mind at the time. Not to mention that Sophisticata was taller than her and, as Flash had learned, a quite skilled fencer.

“Meanwhile, I have to look rich,” Trixie said.

Sophisticata nodded. “Old money or rich cunt with too much free time?”

“The latter.” Trixie pointed at Flash and Scootaloo. “As for them… Something that’d make them invisible. Maybe cable guys, or delivery guys, or something like that.”

Sophisticata looked at Flash and Scootaloo. Especially at Flash. “Are you sure you don’t want a sweaty construction worker?”

“I’m not a sex object,” Flash muttered.

“I, on the other hand…” Scootaloo chuckled. “Dude, I can be your object all day long…”

“Blasphemy…” Sophisticata muttered.

“It’s okay to be gay,” Scootaloo replied. “Also, didn’t I walk in on you and Drama Bait during the rehearsal?”

“Her name is Drama Letter!” Sophisticata exclaimed, her cheeks reddening. “And we were, umm… practising for Romeo and Juliet…”

“That’s strange because we played Hamlet.” Scootaloo smirked. “Alas, poor Yorick! Well, not so poor anymore, since he witnessed that…”

“Enough!” Trixie exclaimed. “Let’s get inside. Remember about the plan…”

Nurse Sweetheart was in her early thirties, which meant that she worked for long enough to become jaded and the retirement was still centuries away, which made the situation even worse. She had two children, a mortgage, and a cat named Mr. Death. She’d recently left her job at the ER and started working in the psychiatric clinic. Somehow, the patients were much less insane there.

Unlike some visitors. Sweetheart was just sitting at the reception desk, when she saw two people in idiotic red uniforms carrying a big box. They struggled to get through the door with it, which was not surprising, given that the girl was much shorter than the guy, and thus the box kept slipping from their hands.

Sweetheart looked at the girl, wondering why the delivery guys, waiters, and other people doing crappy jobs were getting younger with every year. She stopped wondering when the package nearly fell to the ground, prompting the girl to call her companion a “motherfucking cuntnugget” and complain about the contents of the box being “heavy as a fat rotten horse carcass”.

Eventually, the duo reached the counter and put the box on the floor, where Sweetheart couldn’t see it. The blue-haired delivery man rested his hands on the counter and smiled at her.

“Good morning,” he said. “We have a package for Dr. Briefcase.”

“Nutcase,” the girl muttered.

The delivery guy smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, Nutcase. Can we go to him?”

Nurse Sweetheart shook her head. “I’ll call him and ask him to come here.”

“We’re in a bit of hurry,” the girl said. “We’ll just find him quickly and leave.”

“Antiterrorism regulations,” Sweetheart replied. “We can’t just let in two morons with a big, heavy package, you know. As far as I know, you could carry a bomb in there.”

The guy in front of her rolled his eyes. “If we were terrorists, we’d blow ourselves up in some, umm, more crowded place, like a metro station, a kindergarten…”

“Or maybe that’s the new strategy?” the girl asked. “We blow up hospitals now! You’re not safe anywhere!”

The guy sighed and covered his face with his hands. “Goddamit, Scootaloo… You’re not helping.”

Sweetheart was about to kick them both out when someone burst in through the door. Sweetheart looked at the new visitor and saw a chubby, blue girl wearing flashy yoga pants. Her hair was tied in two pigtails, and her hands were covered in a lot of jewellery. She was constantly chewing gum.

“Hello,” she said, sitting on the counter, next to the baffled delivery guys. “Like, my bestie ended up in this shithole, and like, she’s all out of heroin, gag me with a spoon! She must be starving! Can I go to her so we can fly away together?”

There were times when Sweetheart was polite to anyone coming to her. This was, however, not one of them. “Can you, like, go and eat shit or something?” she asked.

“I tried,” the girl replied, kicking the cardboard box. “That’s, like, so overrated!”

“Hey!” the delivery guy exclaimed. “That’s an expensive thing, you know!”

They started yelling at each other. Sweetheart could swear that she heard the sound of ripping cardboard, but it drowned in something that was most likely a gunshot.

She turned towards the staircase and saw Sunset Shimmer, dressed in her hospital gown, holding a smoking gun in her hand. “What are you doing here?” she asked automatically.

“Running away?” Sunset smirked. “I don’t know!” She fired the gun at the girl with yoga pants.

“O, I am slain!” the girl screamed and fell to the floor. Sweetheart darted under her desk, but no gunshots followed. It took her a while to realise that, instead of running to the door, Sunset rushed upstairs; and that two delivery guys ran with her.

Sweetheart got up and grabbed the phone. “Alarm!” she shouted into the receiver. “Sunset Shimmer is running away! Or going back to her room… Fuck me if I know, she’s armed and dangerous! And she has delivery guys with her!” She threw the receiver away and pushed the button blocking the door. She then jumped over the counter to check on the shot girl.

“You okay there?” Sweetheart asked.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie has to go!” For someone who just got shot, the chubby girl was rather fast. She already got up and ran into the glass door. It didn’t open, of course, but her speed and mass gave her enough momentum to pierce through the glass and fall down the stairs on the other side.

“My question still stands,” Sweetheart deadpanned, watching as the girl got up and ran away.

Sunset ran down the corridor, the wailing of alarm sirens piercing her ears. She threw the fake gun away and sped up. Red lights were flashing. It seemed that everyone and their mother was now out to get them.

“There!” Sunset exclaimed, hiding in some storage room. Flash and Scootaloo followed her, locking the door. “Flash?”

“Yes?” Flash asked, taking his red hat off.

“You’re a delivery guy like goat’s ass is a trumpet,” Sunset muttered.

“You mean, a bagpipe?” Scootaloo asked.

Instead of a reply, Sunset punched Scootaloo in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her. As Scootaloo bent forward, Sunset hit her in the jaw with her elbow, forcing her back up.

“Fat rotten horse carcass…” Sunset muttered. “Your mother was a fat rotten horse carcass…”

Flash shook his head. “Chill out and think of the plan. We didn’t bring you here in a box, Trixie started with the plan B… What are we gonna do now?”

“Your clothes are the most memorable part of you two,” Sunset replied, watching Scootaloo wiping blood from her nose with her t-shirt. “They must have some scrubs or whatever doctors are wearing here.” She looked around the room and saw some green clothes.

“You have to hide your hair,” Scootaloo said. “They’re after you. Or your other self.”

“True.” Sunset took her hospital gown off, sending Flash into a sudden fit of coughing. She then put on the green clothes, complete with a surgical cap. Scootaloo did the same; only Flash waited, still in the red clothes Sophisticata had given him.

“What?” Sunset asked. “If you have a boner, don’t worry. We won’t notice anyway.”

“It’s not that,” Flash replied, showing a blouse to them. “Why are all the male clothes so big?”

“Who gives a damn?” Sunset asked. “Put some on and let’s get moving.”

After a while of trying to fit the clothes, they finally got out of the storage room and rushed down the corridor. The alarms sounded much quieter now, but Sunset decided to stir up the situation more.

“Watch out!” she cried, seeing several nurses running towards her. “They have guns!”

“Where’s Sunset?” one of the nurses asked.

“Somewhere there!” Scootaloo pointed at the direction they came from. “And watch out for that girl who pretends to be a delivery guy. She knows some sick moves, dude.”

As the nurses rushed to look for Sunset, the trio walked to the room 101.

“Weird that they didn’t look here in the first place,” Flash said. “They should check if human Sunset is there.”

“Good for us,” Sunset said, opening the door. “Now, let’s get Sci-Twi and hope Trixie is waiting in the car.”

Seeing them, Twilight got up from her bed and backpedalled towards the wall.

“Don’t worry.” Sunset removed the surgical cap. “It’s us.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. Sunset opened her mouth to tell her not to worry, but then she saw that Twilight wasn’t looking at her. She followed her gaze to see nothing but the mirror. Or at least she thought so, until her reflection spoke.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” The other Sunset smirked.

Sunset reacted quickly. She threw a punch at her human self, but she managed to block it without effort. Sunset countered with a left hook, but the other Sunset dodged it and tackled her to the ground, trying to bite her in the ear.

“Come with us,” Flash said to Twilight, hopping over the fighting Sunset.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Twilight replied. “I like this place.”

“I’m gonna kill you, skin you, cook, and eat you!” one of the Sunset screamed at the other.

“This place will soon stop existing!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “Fish people are gonna rip us all a new one!”

“Not my ear, you bitch!” Sunset shouted. It was hard to tell which one.

“Blow me, cunt!”

“Well, I can do just that!” The Sunset on the top attempted an attack on her opponent’s crotch.

“Fish people?” Twilight shuddered. “You’re lying!” She tried to grab the TV and throw it at Flash, but fortunately, it was bolted to the wall. It had to be – it was only broadcasting infomercials and lots of patients were trying to throw it at someone.

“Lots of them,” Flash said. “Wandering across the town.”

“Eating people and shit.” Scootaloo nodded.

“Oh damn…” Twilight lowered her hands. “The book!”

“What book?” Flash dodged the Sunsets; one of them was currently trying to snap the other’s neck.

“Dunno, it was in German, but it could be full of black magic!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Yeah, that often happens to German books,” Scootaloo said. “Sweetie read one and then she burned juice.”

“Don’t you think we should discuss that somewhere else?” Flash asked. Behind him, Sunset Shimmer wearing the remains of a green doctor’s outfit stood up, the Sunset in hospital clothes still trying to bite her calves.

Scootaloo and Twilight nodded, and they all rushed out of the room, the other Sunset following them.

“Where are you going?” Flash asked.

“I’m not that crazy,” she replied. “I’m going with you…” She turned to the other Sunset. “But once we’re out of the hospital…” She moved her finger across her throat.

“We’d better lose her,” Sunset muttered and ran down the corridor. The rest followed her, running downstairs and finding themselves in the laundry room. They could hear the sound of steps of many people outside, running in all the directions.

“Let’s split up,” Sunset said. “Two Sunsets at once won’t confuse them as much as Sunset that keeps popping up in two places at once. Flash, Twilight, stay with me.” She turned to Scootaloo. “You and Sunset, go back upstairs, find another staircase and make as much noise as you can do on the way.”

Scootaloo saluted. “Sure thing. Trixie gave me some smoke bombs. Time to make use of them.”

The other Sunset raised her hand. “May I ask you why it is me who has to go away?” she asked. “I have a feeling that you’re trying to screw me over again.”

“You have a bigger chance to sneak out when there’s two of you,” Sunset replied. “Also, Scootaloo is a master escape artist.”

Scootaloo stood in attention. “I can run like hell!”

Someone knocked on the door. “Anyone there? Open the door!”

Without a word, they ran to the door. Flash opened it and Scootaloo threw a smoke bomb outside. Someone started to cough while Sunset pushed them back and ran down the corridor. Twilight and Flash followed her, dodging the nurses.

It soon turned out why all the clothes were too big for Flash. Most of the male nurses were built like footballers – nothing unnatural in a place where some of the patients could turn ballistic. Flash barely escaped the hands of a guy whose head was almost touching the ceiling; he dropped on the ground and rolled on the floor, before getting back to his feet and running to the stairs.

The fire sensors wailed when the smoke reached them. Soon, the whole corridor was sprayed with water. Seeing the approaching nurses, Sunset opened the first door she saw and found herself in a room with someone wearing a bicorne.

“Hello,” Sunset said. “Napoleon, I guess?”

The man in a bicorne turned to her. “Never interrupt your enemy when he’s making a mistake.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m doing.” Sunset shrugged and walked out of the room.

The corridor was empty. Water stopped flowing from the ceiling, but the floor was still wet and Sunset could smell smoke in the air. One of the lamps was flickering.

Sunset shrugged and walked down the corridor. Suddenly, she saw someone rushing from behind the corner and standing in her way. When Sunset looked at the person, she couldn’t help but smirk.

The girl didn’t look like a nurse; more like a kid dressed as a nurse. She had knee-long black boots, a white uniform (also knee-long), and a cap sitting on a top of bushy, brown hair. She was no taller than Scootaloo and probably in a similar age.

“Stop right there!” the nurse screamed in a high-pitched voice.

“Or what?” Sunset asked. “You’ll bite my knees off?”

Suddenly, Sunset saw a black boot right in front of her face. She jumped back as the nurse landed on the floor after a roundhouse kick, her knees slightly bent. She smiled at Sunset, stretching her right hand towards her and moved her fingers, inviting her to join the fight.

“You’re asking for it yourself,” Sunset muttered, taking a look at the nurse. She was smaller and lighter, but her boots could definitely mess Sunset up.

The nurse took a step forward. Sunset charged to close the distance. She saw that the nurse was about to try to kick her again, so she moved to the side and grabbed her leg, throwing her off course. The nurse didn’t care; she jumped on one leg and spun, sliding out of Sunset’s grip.

Sunset could take a long look at the shorts the nurse was wearing under her skirt, but the thought that they’d make a good trophy occurred to her only after the boot contacted with the side of her head, causing the world to spin around her as she fell on the ground.

Sunset had to admit that the nurse knew her weak and strong sides. Instead of opting for ground fighting, where Sunset’s weight and strength would be an advantage, she attempted to step on Sunset’s thighs. Sunset rolled on the floor away from her; she knew that with internal haemorrhage in thigh muscles, she wouldn’t get up for a while. Her vision still wasn’t working properly, but as the nurse went closer and tried to jump on her legs, she did the only thing she could think of: she rolled behind the nurse and, as she landed on the ground, kicked her in the backs of the knees.

As Sunset was barefoot, it didn’t as much hurt the nurse as it surprised her. However, she dropped on her knees and Sunset, letting out a powerful scream, tackled her from behind. She slowly rose, holding the kicking nurse in a chokehold. Her head still hurt; she could recall that this particular kind of strangling came from her judo classes, but couldn’t remember its name.

“Hadaka-jime,” the nurse whispered. She tried to headbutt Sunset, but her hair cushioned most of the impact.

“What?” Sunset asked.

“It’s called hadaka-jime.” The nurse punched Sunset in the nose, causing her eyes to fill with tears and her grasp to weaken. Then she leaned forward, trying to throw Sunset over her arm. “Judo doesn’t allow punches, but it’s not judo we’re doing.”

“Indeed.” Sunset let go off the nurse’s neck, sliding off her back. The nurse, realising that she still had Sunset behind her, tried to spin. Unfortunately for her, her only benefit was that what Sunset intended to be a rabbit punch, landed on her temple, throwing her on the wall in a hunched position – just right for her nose to meet with Sunset’s knee.

“There you go,” Sunset muttered, when the nurse fell to the ground. For a moment she thought about kicking her in the crotch and the solar plexus just in case she wanted to get up. Then she started to wonder how to pull down her shorts without having to untie and take off her boots first.

“Nursery?” someone called in a deep voice. “I got Sunset Shimmer!”

Sunset raised her head and looked at the other side of the corridor. She didn’t feel like being gotten by anyone, but when she saw a tall man with a red beard who looked like a Norwegian lumberjack in a white outfit, holding her human counterpart as if she was a ragdoll, she thought that it was better to run away. She tried to do just that, but then, the nurse came back to life just in time to grab her leg and bite her in the calf.

“You little–” Suddenly, something heavy hit Sunset, throwing her on the floor. Before her skull contacted with the tiles, finally knocking her down, she couldn’t help but chuckle at the sudden realisation.

The guy threw her human counterpart at her.

Panting, Flash reached the door of the garage and kicked it open. It seemed that they lost most of the hospital staff after something blew up on the second floor, causing all the lights to go off. After a while of wandering around, he and Twilight found a narrow, cluttered staircase leading to the garage with several ambulances. Twilight immediately grabbed an oil-stained denim jacket of some mechanic and put it on before following Flash outside.

“Where’s the rest?” Twilight asked.

“No idea,” Flash replied, walking across the car park, filled with SUVs and occasional sport cars, probably belong to elite doctors. “Do you think we can steal one of those?”

“Flash!” Twilight exclaimed. “You should think about your friends first.”

“Since I met them, I got high, beaten by an insane policewoman, ended up in prison, got a crappy tattoo… I also met a bisexual hacker and Shakespeare wannabe.” Flash shrugged. “Don’t you think we should take a few days off and spend a weekend on the beach before they find us?”

“No, thanks,” Twilight replied. “On a side note, if you wanted to get me out of here, you could’ve asked. It’s not like they held me hostage or anything.”

“Damn!” Flash groaned. “All because of Sunset and her Messiah complex. Also, I just realised I may have gotten an STD from Scootaloo.”

Twilight sighed. “If you wanted to pick me up, you just whacked your last chance over the head with a shovel and–” Her eyes widened. “Damn. I may have gotten an STD from her too.”

Suddenly, they heard the sound of shattering glass and a car alarm waking up everyone within a mile radius. They turned to the source of the sound to see Scootaloo lying on the roof of one of the cars.

Flash nodded. “Turns out she couldn’t fly…”

“Did she die?” Twilight asked.

“Nah, that’d be too much luck,” Flash muttered.

Scootaloo stood up and jumped off the car. Then she looked up at the doctors staring at her from the window and saluted them with her middle finger. “Volvo. The safest car in the world,” she said, poking the car and turning to Flash and Twilight. “What are you looking at? Run!”

“Where’s Sunset?” Twilight asked as they rushed forward, into the forest surrounding the hospital.

“Killed in action, I guess.” Scootaloo shrugged.

“Where’s the other Sunset?” Flash asked.

Scootaloo sighed. “Caught the last train for the coast.”

In the distance, they heard sirens of the ambulances and screeching of the tyres. They started to run faster, jumping over small bushes and dodging the low-hanging branches. The road was somewhere in front of them, peeking from behind the trees. Flash groaned – he wasn’t used to running, but he got across the forest gritting his teeth.

“So, what now?” Twilight asked, stopping by the side of the road. “Do you have any plan?”

Flash chuckled. “Well…”

“No plan, no fucking around, no worries,” Scootaloo said. “That’s what my father said when he forgot to pull out.”

“Thank you for this piece of infinite wisdom,” Flash muttered. “I guess we’ll have to hitch a ride.”

“The first car to get here will be an ambulance,” Twilight replied. “And we’ll get back to the hospital.”

Flash shrugged. “I take that into account. But I think it’s gonna be something else entirely.” He pointed at the blue VW Beetle driving towards them.

Trixie at least didn’t ask for Sunset. “Let me guess,” she said when they sat in the car. “Sunset is currently in hell and will be back when she makes Satan her bitch?”

“More or less,” Scootaloo replied. “Where are we going?”

“We need to lose the chase,” Flash said, turning back to look at the cars following them.

“Then we’ll go to my house.” Twilight yanked her hair. “I’ll take a look at the book and see what we can do about the fish people.”

Vinyl lit up a cigarette and rested herself against the fence. Her car was parked behind her, at the boulevard. She had quite a good view at the sea from there.

When she read that a news presenter on TV got mind-controlled into telling the public about the intentions of the fish people, she thought it was just an elaborate prank. The video looked quite real though, but Vinyl saw better fake news before.

I am the voice of The Fish Nation. Soon, The Mother of All the Fish People will come out of the sea and her children will flood this land. Give up and stay in your homes and most of you will not suffer for long. Those who find worthy will be assimilated and they shall serve us as we start the new order–

After that, Vinyl turned her laptop off and went to the toilet to make a sacrifice for the fish people. With the amount of spicy food she’d eaten the day before, she hoped they’d choke on her gift. When she was done, she decided to take a shower, put some clothes on, and go to the town to see what was going on.

Only when she saw tanks and helicopters on her way across the town, she realised that at least some people believed in the news. Vinyl wasn’t sure who said that thing about people believing a lie told enough times, but she thought the dude was totally right.

On her way, she happened to pick up Octavia, who was also going to the seaside. There, by the fence, they met Sophisticata, who used to work with Octavia on some musical. Or maybe an opera. Vinyl didn’t exactly know. She knew, however, that her attitude towards Sophisticata was at best a mild tolerance.

For starters, Sophisticata asked Vinyl if she could borrow a cigarette. Vinyl gave her one, but she remembered that fact exactly and hid it in the darkest corner of her mind with an intention to use it in the future. Then it turned out that Sophisticata really enjoyed her own voice.

“Those guys there… Are they suicidal?” Sophisticata pointed at the small group standing on the beach, holding a transparent saying, “Fish People are People Too!”. Vinyl recognised them as the people who called themselves Eco Kids, didn’t eat meat, and had the best weed in town. Some of them were missing. Vinyl heard that Sandalwood was in a hospital after an unfortunate accident with a duct tape, and Starlight was wanted because of being involved in a shootout.

“What do you mean?” Octavia asked.

Sophisticata rolled her eyes. “Fish people eat humans and control the minds of innocent newscasters. They already said they’re gonna take over, assimilate, and do the unspeakable to us once the Mother of All the Fish People shows up. And yet, we have a bunch of idealistic morons, who want to give them rights, thinking that peaceful coexistence is possible. Just how dumb is that?” She groaned in a way suggesting that she practiced groaning with a dictaphone. “21st century… I swear, if we had a zombie invasion, there’d be zombie rights activists who’d say that eating brains is a cultural thing…”

Vinyl shook her head and blew smoke from her cigarette out. “Are you afraid those guys will mistake you for a fish person and shoot you because you’re green?” she asked, pointing at the tanks and rocket artillery behind them.

Sophisticata’s eyes widened; her jaw dropped. “You can talk?”

Vinyl smirked and shrugged, shaking the ash off her cigarette.

“Well, I can also make her scream,” Octavia said. “Though one usually needs big things to do that. And I think she already did that herself today.”

“Big things?” Sophisticata pointed at the surface of the sea. “You mean, something like this?”

“Bloody hell,” Octavia muttered.

Author's Notes:

Contrary to what Sophisticata may tell you, the name of female Hamlets in the history of theatre is Legion. Also, it's a shame that the only work of Roland Topor known to the English-speaking world is The Tenant. Four Roses for Lucienne is a masterpiece of dark humour, but I didn't find any mentions of it being translated to English.
Oh, and Sophisticata wanted to play Le Bébé de Monsieur Laurent back in CHS, but Principal Celestia informed her that a school play about a baby being nailed to the door probably wouldn't be approved by the viewers.