A cold wind blew across the barren landscape. As far as the eye could see, for miles and miles, there was nothing. In the far distance there were mountains, not just snow-peaked, but snow-covered, tinted blue by the vast gulf of air in front of them. Nothing grew here, save for a patchy blanket of some tough, scrubby brush the color of mud. Why anyone would choose to come here is a bafflement. Why anyone would choose to settle down and build a city was an absurdity worthy of Discord.

And yet, someone had.

In the distance, a city glittered like a jewel on the horizon. Marvelous spires of crystal reflected the sun and made it impossible to look at for long, but even a short glance was enough. Such artistry of architecture and design was best appreciated in small doses. One could only imagine how it must look in snow, as the Northern Tundra was covered with ten months out of the year.

Conversely, there was another settlement in those wastes, though much more modest. Nestled amongst the shallow hills was an enormous camp brimming with ponies of all tribes and colors. They sat huddled around hundreds of small campfires or trotted between tents, delivering messages, transporting supplies, and generally trying not to go stir-crazy. Banners sprouted up like weeds, each color and pattern representing a different city or fort or noble house. Never before in living memory had such a large army been convened. Never in living memory had it been needed.

In one small corner of the encampment, a cream colored pegasus in light armor trotted briskly towards a lone campfire set apart from the rest, beside which sat a pale yellow earth pony. He snuck up behind her, keeping his wings still and his steps soft to mask his presence. When he got close enough, he darted in and gave his marefriend a surprise nuzzle.

"Rappi!" She cried happily as she returned the nuzzle affectionately.

They stayed their for a moment, content with just the intimate contact. Some ponies wouldn't approve of their cross-tribal affections, but other ponies weren't there so they felt no need to restrain themselves.

"When are they going to match up our shifts again?" She sighed melodramatically as she leaned back into him, "I can't live seeing you only a few hours a day. I may very well perish from loneliness!"

He ran a hoof down her cocoa-like mane. "Don't do that, my sweet Cornbread. Then I'd be forced to die of the same. As to the patrols... I don't know." He took a seat next to her by the fire, the fatigue suddenly apparent in his posture. "Ever since we made camp the whole command structure's been a mess."

"I'm sure they'll figure it out. That's what the brass is for."

Cornbread grabbed a long stick by her side and used it to poke the fire, pulling more embers around a cooper cookpot.

"See anything new during your scouting?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing new since your last patrol. The enemy hasn't moved; they're still camped out around that crystal city. They don't advance, they don't retreat, they just wait there. It's spooky." He shuddered involuntarily. "I got close today. Closer than I was meant to. Then all have these helmets on, horrid looking things that leak purple smoke when they move. Some kind of awful magic. Makes me glad I'm just a scout and a runner. Probably won't see too much actual combat, assuming we do';t starve each other to death first." He perked up as the wind shifted the steam from the pot towards him. "Speaking of which, what's on the menu?"

Cornbread sighed. "I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count."

"Ugh, not gruel and brick bread again."

She lifted the lid to reveal a thick paste that slowly bubbled. "Ding ding! He gets it in one! Someone give the stallion a prize."

"How do they expect us to eat this slop? It's impossible!" He gazed longingly towards the center of camp where larger fires burned brighter, illuminating the officer's tents. "I bet they don't eat like this.'

"On the contrary," a smooth yet clipped voice interrupted their time alone, "I have it on good authority that they do."

At the familiar voice, the stallion hopped to his hooves, almost fell over, but managed to overcorrect into a somewhat sloppy salute. "L-Lieutenant Urge, sir!"

"At ease, Scouter Dash," the new stallion said with a nod, "And it's Major now."

"Yes sir," Dash replied as he slackened his posture, "Congratulations sir. It was well overdue."

The newcomer was likewise a pegasus, with a burnt orange coat, a windswept black mane, and icy blue eyes that could piece through tempered steel. Unlike most of the gathered army, he wore a decorated uniform which left no question to his rank and superiority. Major Urge carried himself in such a way that always made ponies feel like he knew their deepest secrets and wanted to make sure that they were aware of that.

"Indeed. Now, back to your earlier discussion. While I can assure you that you are not alone in the ranks regarding your distaste for the supplied provisions, you might be interested to know that even our Generals, the highest authority on the battlefield, share the same rations as every fighter around you."

"Really?" Cornbread asked, more curious and much less intimidated than Dash. She hadn't served under Major Urge before and didn't know the stories. "I would have thought they'd want special cooks and high-class meals brought in special."

"It was offered," Major Urge replied easily, "as is customary for their rank. But they in fact turned down the offer, claiming that they preferred to eat the same food as the troops."

"Huh." Cornbread continued to stir the paste wistfully. "How about that. I would have thought that the generals would be some stuffy nobles, but they're surprisingly down to earth. I suppose wonders never cease."

The Major's eyes seemed to widen then, even as his brows furrowed suspiciously. "If I understand you correctly, are you saying that you don't know who our generals are?"

She shrugged, perhaps too casually, but being an earth pony she'd never been trained in pegasus military discipline. "Can't say that I do. I'm a baker's daughter turned scout. No pony tells me anything except where to go, when to be there, and what to do when I arrive."

"Yes... I suppose that would be the case. Then please, allow me to elucidate this matter, such that you might inform others who may be similarly uninformed."

Behind his back, her coltfriend was making frantic negative gestures and mouthing 'no, oh please, no' over and over. Unfortunately, Major Urge's positioning had perfectly blocked Cornbread's view of him and thus his warnings went unseen.

Cornbread smiled, innocent and blissfully ignorant. "Thank you Major Urge, that would be most kind."

He cleared his throat and rose up, using his wings for balance as he spread his forelegs wide. "Our Generals, our most valued of leaders in this most historic of battles, is none other than the grand Heroes of the Realm! The Stellar Shepherds, who guide the sun and moon and stars through their ceaseless journeys across the great expanse of sky! High Knights and Defenders of the Peace, who have smote countless monsters for the good of all ponykind! Vanquishers of Grogar! Slayers of Smooze! The very mares who..."

It was at this point that Cornbread came to the unfortunate realization of just what a terrible mistake she had made.

The Major, as it were, just so happened to be a very particular type of pony. Not something so obvious as a tribal variation, but a quirk of personality, one which ponies who know about it try their best to avoid activating. He was the type of pony who most times behaves like a rational, straight-laced, even stoic individual, except for when the object of their singular interest crops up, at which point they turn fanatic. Such as a gruff and laconic Forgemaster who will gush for hours about his little filly and whatever cute thing she's done lately. Or an author who will invest pages and pages of vivid and captivating detail about a minor and ultimately inconsequential facet of the world they've created. In the Major's case, his particular obsession was, to be blunt, exceedingly obvious.

"...of Naponyon! Our grand leaders, are none other than General Celestial Star and General Lunar Nova!"

He pivotted on one hoof, swinging about so his outstretched foreleg pointed towards the fires at the center of camp and the largest tent therein. "Even now they are deep in conference with King Ash's right-hoof adviser, Starswirl, strategizing for our upcoming confrontation, crafting battle plans so complex and inscrutable that they would transcend your feeble commoner's comprehension." The Major shook his head with a rueful smile as his gaze drifted longingly to a tent on the hill. "Even I can only hope to come close to understanding the genius tactics they must be concocting even now within their war tent."

"...and a set of crystal vases, and a flugelhorn; only an original flugelhorn, mind you. I'll accept no cheap imitations."

"Yes, Starswirl."

"Also, make sure to acquire some crystal silk. In blue. I'm thinking of having a new cape made."

"Yes, Starswirl."

"And I don't think I need to remind you to clear out Sombra's library and all of his personal effects for my perusal."

"No, Starswirl."

"Good girls." The image of Starswirl's face warped in the crystal ball as he got too close to the mirror on his end of the connection. "And most important of all: Crystalberry wine. I want at least six, no, make that twelve cases at minimum. The older the better, and nothing that was bottled after Sombra rose to power. Can't risk his dark magic corrupting the flavor. Do you have all that?"

Luna scribbled the last few items down on a parchment, underlined the final item three times for good measure, and stuck the quill behind her ear. "Got it!"

They were alone in the war tent. Celestia, Luna, and Starswirl's disembodied head which floated disapprovingly in a crystal ball the size of a large cantaloupe. Aside from a few tables made from planks placed across supply crates, the room was unfurnished.

"Er, Starswirl?" she ventured nervously, "Not to derail the your shopping list or call this whole plan into question or anything but..." she scuffed a hoof on the cold dirt floor and suddenly found everything except Starswirl's image more interesting to look at, "Shouldn't we come up with a plan or something?"

The wizard's disembodied head quirked an eyebrow. "How do you mean?"

"I- well, I mean, we're about to go to war. There's thousands of ponies outside this tent waiting for us to come out and tell them how we're going to beat a literal army of dark-magic empowered soldiers and a shadowmancer, and we have nothing." Having managed her initial statement, a dam seemed to break, letting all her pent up worries pour out. "Nothing! No plan! Zip! Zilch! Nada! This is bigger than anything we've ever done! They're expecting us to lead an army! I don't know how to lead an army!"

"Oh, sweet stars above!" Celestia moaned, her sister's breakdown triggering one of her own. "Finally someone said it! Why did they decide to put us in charge?"

Starswirl's head huffed. "Pull yourselves together. Honestly, such a display. It's because you're heroes. Saving the world from certain destruction, leading righteous ponies into battle against the forces of evil. That is what heroes do. Besides, out of quite possibly most ponies currently alive, myself excluded, you two have by far the most experience in dealing with monsters and villains."

"All of which we did solo!" Luna clarified.

"Duo...o. Duoly?" Celestia paused her nervous pacing to consider her phrasing before giving up. "Together. As a pair."

"We have no experience leading anypony!" her sister continued, "Every creature we've ever defeated has been on our own. And most of them beat themselves, one way or another."

"You seemed to do just fine leading the Lost Legion of the Kirin Emperor Quan Mul Shao some months ago," Starswirl commented. "You led them to glorious victory against Bade Harss and his horde."

"That doesn't count, those were golems," Celestia rebutted, "I just told them to attack and they figured the rest out themselves."

"Not to mention," Luna cut in, "Every single one of them was destroyed during the battle. That's a little harder to justify when your soldiers and flesh and bone instead of clay and magic stones."

Starswirl remained silent at their rebuttal, wisely choosing not to mention the squadron of archaic automata that he had purloined before the battle had even begun. Golems which were, at that very moment, diligently toiling away at maintaining several of his experiments not twenty paces out of view.

The wizard furrowed his brow at the pair. "That is beside the point. I taught you warcraft, did I not?"

"You taught us how to deliver a stirring speech."

"How to phrase leading questions so ponies think we came up with plans before they told them to us."

"How to fake a battlefield injury to get off the front lines."

"How to-"

"Enough!" Starswirl roared, stunning the young mares into silence. The crystal ball crackled as his anger fed too much power down the line."You want assurances? You want a guarantee? Fine! I'll give you an assurance! I've already looked into the future and seen that you will win this war today!"

"But how?" Luna pushed, "How do we do it?"

He snorted. "I can't tell you that, which you would well know if you ever paid any attention to my lessons. It would violate causality." Truthfully, not even Starswirl knew how they would win. He never did. He could see clearly events leading up to a confrontation and then a grand victory celebration afterward, but the critical turning point was always shrouded from him by an impassable cloud of possibility. Not that Celestia and Luna needed to know that.

"However, I have prepared something for you which you should find most useful. Stand back!"

The image of his horn glowed for a moment before two saddlebags poofed into existence on the sisters' side of the crystal. Luna immediately went to poking while her sister took a moment to reconcile what she'd just witnessed.

"That... was a really far teleport," she said in awe. Though even the smallest teleportation was well-beyond her abilities, Starswirl had hammered the information and theories on it into her head.

"Not for me," Starswirl replied cockily, as usual not telling them that the telepresence connection of the crystal made the distance negligible. His gaze shifted at a quiet clinking noise. Luna had removed several rounded bottles and was taking turns holding them up to the light to cast multicolored shadows. Each was stoppered by a cork and had tied around its neck a parchment label with Starswirl's distinctive scrawled hornwriting.

"What you see here," he began, "Is a world-changing revolution in magic preservation. Now, while most of these are potions, brewed especially for- Don't drink that you fool!"

Luna stopped, the cork almost out of a bottle as iridescent yellowish-green liquid sloshed fractions of a hoof away from her lips. "What? You said it's a potion. Potions are for drinking."

"Some of them are potions," he restated sharply, "Read the label on what you were about to drink."

Luna squinted at the label. Starswirl's spidery writing seemed to swim before her eyes, but slowly she made out the letters. "Teleportation Level 2: Intermediate Range."

"A spell?" Celestia asked.

"Exactly! What that flask contains is nothing short of pure magic! Condensed from the very aether, liquefied, stabilized, and contained. On the back of each label is a mathematical expression of a spell, while each bottle contains the precise amount of mana needed to cast it. It lacks the illusion of you casting the spell yourself, but in turn this will increase your battle potential tenfold!"

He took a moment to glance at something out of the sister's sight, a nervous expression briefly flitting over his features, before continuing. "There are, of course, normal potions as well for you to use to temporarily enhance your physical abilities and traits. And again, I cannot stress this enough, do not confuse the potion bottles with the spell flasks. The results could be... messy."

"What kinds of spells?" Luna asked as she carefully sorted the bottles in 'Drink' and 'Do Not Drink' piles.

"Oh, all sorts. Practical spells such as Silence, Unseen, Unlock, and Reveal Trap. A few less common ones such as Smokescreen, Purify, Expand, and Reduce. There's a few Teleportations too, but they consume a great deal of mana and are thus very short range. No more than the length of a room. There are also effect spells to use in combination with the primary ones. Ones to widen an area of effect, or delay the effect of a spell. Spells to invert the effects of another enchantment. Very handy in the right situation."

Celestia stepped in place fretfully as Starswirl continued to list spells and Luna continued to sort them in an ever more complicated system. "Yes, but... I mean, thank you Starswirl, most definitely thank you, but... we still have to tell all the captains and commanders something. There are thousands of ponies with their eyes on us!"

"Where?!" Luna sprang up suddenly, wide eyes darting about to spy the sneaks who'd apparently snuck into her tent.

"I told you it doesn't matter." Starswirl insisted again, "You do not need to come up with a plan because I already have. It involves you taking a rather direct role, as this is a grand opportunity to showcase your strength and heroics to ponies from far-reaching villages, though it will still rely on the commanders and their forces to keep the main bulk of the enemy busy while you deal with Sombra. Now, listen very closely and commit everything I'm about to say to memory..."

Major Urge was in high spirits. Finally, after hours of waiting he had received a summons to the Generals' war tent. Despite his cool and collected atmosphere, inside he was giddy as a schoolfilly. The generals, no, the heroes Celestia and Luna... He was finally going to meet them.

Oh, they'd met in passing. He'd seen them from afar on one of their victory tours, and had even been introduced when the forces he commanded had met up with the main army some weeks ago. But he'd never really met them. Not one on one. He was well aware that he would not be the only participant in this council, the leaders of the regiments from other cities and alliances would be present as well, but they were incidental.

To talk with them, to listen to them. To just bask in the grand intelligence that had led them to victory after victory over beasts and monsters of myth and legend. It was all he hoped for.

The interior of the war tent was sparse and utilitarian, a sensibility which he agreed with. A long table took up the center of the room, around which sat leaders from other portions of the combined army. A green earth pony with a face more like a stuck pig. A tan unicorn who didn't even bother to disguise his tribalist sneer. A silver pegasus that grumbled and fumed and muttered dark noises under her breath. There were others as well, minor nobles, high-ranking knights, second sons of wealthy serfdoms and more, but Major Urge paid them little mind. The important players he knew well and the rest were but numbers and noise. Bodies to be thrown at the enemy. Besides, there were two ponies to whom he was much more keen to give his attention.

They were younger than he had expected. Arguably in late adolescence, charitably young adults. Though they held themselves highly, they still came up half a head shorter than the next shortest pony in the room. Their bodies were not rippling with muscle, nor were they outstanding beauties. To be blunt, they looked slightly underfed.

To the slow-witted observer, they might have seemed ordinary, even exceedingly so. Aside from their excess of tribal blessings, there was little that would mark them as legendary heroes.

But Urge knew better. Though he held great pride in always being the smartest in the room, before these titans he knew there was no contest. Despite their less-than-intimidating statures, there was an undeniable air about them. An aura of power and leadership that left no question in his mind as to their legitimacy to command. So what if they were young? That only meant they had time to grow even greater; that they had not even begun to reach their peak. So what if they lacked warriors builds? Such a trifling thing was more than compensated for by their genius level intellect and raw magic power.

A pair of hooves clopped on the table, gathering the attention of the gathered commanders and captains. Their chattering and bickering settled down to quiet as all eyes turned to the multi-tribed pair at the table's head.

"First of all," General Celestia started, "We wish to thank you all for your prompt attendance and your willingness to lend your hooves and those of the ponies you represent in this most honorable fight against a truly evil foe."

How humble she is, Major Urge couldn't help but think, and how well-spoken as well. Truly, the tales of her silver tongue and grace were undoubtedly accurate. He felt himself hanging onto her every word, and could see other already doing the same, as though they were under some kind of mild charm. Not that such a thing would work on a stallion of his high intellect, of course.

"For those whom we have not had the pleasure of meeting, please allow me a brief introduction." Celestia continued as she flared her wings and raised her head, a most clever and tactical stance to garner the attention of both the unicorns and pegasi present towards the traits they shared. "I am known as Celestial Star: student of Starswirl the Archmage and Advisor to King Ash, High Knight of the Realm, and appointed General of the forces of this alliance."

The darker mare by her side stepped forward. "And I am Lunar Nova: likewise student, High Knight, and General in equal measure. You all have my greetings and shared gratitude for your contributions to our cause."

Their choice in order of titles did not escape Major Urge. An intellectual first, followed by a warrior, and only then a leader. Once again they had humbled themselves, likely to play to the egos of the assembled puffed-up lordlings and self-styled heroes.

"Before we present our ideas for the upcoming battle," Celestia continued, "Seeing as we are the most junior representative here despite our positions, it would be our honor to pay heed to your combined input and battlefield experience. Anypony who wishes may speak and share with the assembled leaders their view and thoughts on the fight before us."

Major Urge could only smile as once more as his General's thinking outstripped his own. Opening the floor was indeed a clever strategy. It would make it that much easier to weasel out the competent and the capable ponies from the muscleheads and the hooflickers.

"Now, if anypony wishes to speak, please rise and state your titles to be acknowledged by those assembled here."

Major Urge settled in his seat as well over half the ponies present rose at once. A clever strategy, yes, but one that would require them to suffer through a mind-numbing time of boring prattle and pablum. Satisfied in his seating, he braced himself for the assured asininity that was bound to follow.

Simpletons. All of them. Brutes and berserkers without a pinch of strategy between them, only occasionally interrupted by a weak-minded pony who took a long time to say absolutely nothing. It was exactly as he had expected: he and the Generals were the only competent ponies in the whole alliance.

When the final representative, a navy and purple pegasus from the city-state of Germaneigh, and said his piece and sat down, the elder of the two generals stood and addressed the assembly once more. "We have heard your suggestions and thank you for your counsel."

Her sister rose as well to stand beside her. "Now, if you will allow us, we too shall share the plan that we have formulated to combat Sombra's forces."

She pulled forth a roll of parchment and spread it on the table, revealing a surprisingly detailed map of the surrounding area. "We begin here, positioning a battalion of forces along the western border..."

Major Urge could only marvel in awe as brilliance poured forth from their mouths. Like a master artisan with their clay, they sculpted the battle before him, painting a picture so clear that every aspect seemed shamefully obvious in hindsight. Lines of troops in novel new configurations, backed by flying cavalry. A mage line that seemed practically impregnable. Sometimes he could scarcely believe that such profound words came from a pair so young. It was almost as if they were merely mouthpieces for an intelligence several times their age, reciting words like glorified parrots. Because beyond the battle tactics there were the subtle political plays. If he hadn't been so fiercely intelligent, he might have missed it himself. Even as his generals arrayed their forces for battle, they still arranged the nobles and lords as though it were a banquet! Nobles that were on good terms had their forces aligned to support one another in equal measure, while feuding clans were placed along the same front, forcing them to compete with one another for grander victories. The known tribalists were cloistered between more tolerant members of the same tribe. Enough of each force was set to the front that every lord and governor could boast that their host had been the first into battle. Truly, it was a masterful display of tactics, both against the enemy and within their own ranks.

Against such a display, the Major could only smile and lower his head in deference to the pair, the true geniuses of both the battlefield and the political field.

But within all their strategy, there was one glaringly obvious piece missing. It was so obvious, that even the most thick-skulled muscle-heads picked up on it.

"Oi." That was Red Dawn, the bulldoggish representative of the pegasus company from the port city of Baltimare. He'd made his disdain for the Generals well known in the past, and the Major had been keeping a special eye on him. The scowl he'd started with had only grown deeper as the battle plan had been laid out.

"While we's all out, riskin' our lives in t'heat of battle, woss youse two suppose t'be doin? Eh? Sittin' back, all nice'n comfy-like in yer tent I suppose?" He jabbed at the map, a sharp edge of his armored shoe tearing through the thin parchment. "An' woss wit' this battle plan? Iss all defense, no advancin', no frontal strike. You espect us t'starve 'im out? We ain't no siege company. I knew it. I knew it woss a mistake them puttin' youse two in charge. Yer just a couple'a fillies, never even bloodied in proper battle, weak an' scared an' tryin' t'act like yer not. Heroes? Feh! More like a couple'a cowards I say."

The Major's fur bristled, though he bit his tongue and swallowed the hot burst of anger, letting it boil his blood. How dare he. To even insinuate such things against the generals, his generals! Even impertinence had to have a limit. "We," the dulcet tones of General Lunar Nova cut through his harsh thoughts, soothing the fire, "Have a mission of our own. One of very much great importance."

"Who among you can tell me," General Celestial Star cut in, her voice placid as a lake, "How does one kill a snake?"

Answers came quickly from all corners of the room.

"Stab it."

"Crush it with a rock."

"Burn out its nest."

"Swallow it."

With no response from the generals, the replies from the assembly began to peter out. The Major took this moment to gather some attention with a feigned cough before coolly giving the right answer which they all should have known from the start. "You cut off it's head."

Finally, General Celestial Star smiled, and it lit up his world as though she were the sun itself. "Correct. Thank you..."

He stood, and gave a deep and formal bow. "Demolition Urge, my generals. Major Demolition Urge."

"Major Urge is correct." Luna rose from her seat. "A large portion of Sombra's forces are civilian conscripts, controlled through his dark magicks. If he were to be defeated, beaten in combat and forced to quell his spells, then much of his army would immediately surrender, if not outright join our side. However, he is far too powerful for any normal pony to confront."

Her sister continued. "While our forces maintain a defensive line, my sister and I will perform a surgical strike against Sombra's fortress. We shall shall offer him a chance to make peace and, if he should refuse, we will engage him in direct contact."

"And then he shall fall!" Luna, no, General Lunar Nova flapped her wings and rose up on top of the table. "He shall fall like so many others before him! For evil can never triumph when god ponies stand together as one!"

The shift in the mood was palpable. As the speech continued, Major Urge could see more and more ponies beginning to nod along. A few called out in support of a particular uplifting line or three. The sisters traded off lines, bouncing the speech between each other as though they'd rehearsed it, each new statement building off the last. There were holdouts, of course. Red Dawn looked no less upset, but the room was clearly against him and he remained silent. The assembly was so thoroughly enthused, they cheered now with every proclamation.

"We shall rout him!"

"Yeah!"

"Vanquish him!"

"Here, here!"

"Strike this evil from our lands!"

"YEAH!"

Driven by the passion of their oration, Major Demolition Urge found himself carried away much like everyone else in the room. Soon, he found himself adding to their speech, cutting in when the moment felt right. "We shall parade him through the streets in chains as a warning against any villain who would dare stand against Harmony, the United Equestrian Alliance, and our mighty Generals!"

The roaring cheer drowned out any before. The Generals looked slightly startled, and a small fire of shame burned within Major Urge for having stolen their dramatic finish. But the deed was done, and the effect was apparent. The captains and commanders were all on board with his general's plan now, and any who weren't wisely kept their mouths shut. Truly, never before in history had there been a pair more better suited to lead, not more deserving of his praise and loyalty. At that very moment, deep within his heart, Demolition Urge made a vow. After the war, he would withdraw from his regiment and move to the City. And if they would have him, he would submit himself to the service of his heroes. He could think of nothing better, nor more glorious a life.

Celestia and Luna glided through the dark pre-dawn skies. Starlight glinted off their golden armor and made the inset gemstones twinkle like stars themselves. Each had equipped one of Starswirl's Storage Sacks (he had named them Spacial Pockets Of Increased Larceny bags, but the mares did not find it as catchy) for 'the recovery of potentially dangerous artifacts (and everything else on Starswirl's shopping list)'. Luna also carried with her a large saddlebag brimming with potion and spell bottles.

Coasting on open wings, Celestia angled her flight to bring her closer to her sister's side.

"How's your armor handling?" she called.

"Fantastic!" came the cheery reply, "It's amazing! I wish Starswirl had made these years ago!" Luna pumped her wings once and immediately shot up thirty lengths higher where she spread her wings again and continued to coast. Celestia flapped once and rose to join her as a rush of pegasus magic surged from the armor's reservoirs into her wings. As her ascent apexed, she locked her wings in a coasting position, confident that she wouldn't need to flap them again for several minutes.

Aside from being beautiful, their armors were masterworks of enchantment and magical engineering.

Starswirl had long known that parlor tricks and sleight of hoof spells would only get them so far. Eventually, somepony was going to want to see the legendary heroes do a feat of magic that they didn't have a clever trick ready for, and that was a problem. Training was off the table, as even this far into adolescence the pair still barely had the magical strength of a single average adult between them. So Starswirl had begun researching more artificial ways to increase their magical aptitude.

First it had been small gemstones, disguised as pendants and trinkets, enchanted with magic to mimic common spells. Then larger stones, embedded in platinum horseshoes to make arcane capacitors.

There had been a few... false starts. Such as the entire line of inventions which hinged on the concept of the sisters storing magically charged crystals within their bodies at all times. But, all in all, Starswirl truly was the genius he carried himself as, and success after success supported that claim.

Piece by piece, groundbreaking innovation by secret groundbreaking innovation, Starswirl improved upon his creations. And these sets of armor were the end result of his efforts. A thin overlay of gold and silver hid the iron and mithril beneath. Patches of chain mail contained links of far rarer materials in the discreet shapes of runes and glyphs. Gemstones, both showcased and hidden, all but glowed with stored magical power.

Merely wearing the armor pushed the sisters past the limiting thresholds of normal ponies. Of course, nowhere near the level of gods and heroes. Starswirl's efforts were inherently limited by the natural ineptitude of the ponies who used his items. But it put them above average in enough fields that they could bluff their way through any lingering suspicions over whether they deserved their titles and honors.

Of course, the power-up provided by the Alicorn Armor was not in any way linked or bound to it's similarly named users. Any pony who donned the full set could make use of it's superequine abilities, assuming they knew the correct order of runes to activate it. And had adolescent bodies small enough to even wear it at all.

Most of this naturally went over Celestia and Luna's heads. They appreciated it for the immediate tangible benefits. With the armor, they could fly (more than a few unstable lengths), buck a tree (without immediately breaking a leg), and cast spells (that an average pony would find mundane but had stumped them for ages). It was liberating, freeing. They felt... normal. For a brief time, they felt like normal everyday ponies who could fly up to reach high shelves and who didn't need to take a breather after performing some simple act of levitation.

Well, normal aside from being semi-fraudulent heroes inexorably caught in the riptide of destiny.

Luna nudged her sister and pointed ahead. The Crystal City was in sight. Countless green fires reflected off its many-faceted towers, making the whole city seem to flicker and waver as if it were no more than an illusion. "We're getting close."

Celestia nodded. "You ready for your part?"

"Of course, it's the safest part of this whole mission. Watch my body while I'm out, kay?" With that said, Luna closed her eyes and let her mind drop out of her body. She didn't drop 'down' so much as it was 'out' and 'through'. Normal directions didn't really apply well in the Dream Realm and she'd yet to invent new words to describe them.

Her ethereal form shot forward and found herself at the castle in seconds, which was much easier now that distance was subjective. The city was murky, almost fluid, as though she was gazing through greasepaper on a hot day. But there was one thing she could make out with crystal clarity.

Ponies. Or rather, orbs of light that flickered with snapshots of thoughts and dreams.

She followed the hazy grid of the tower up until she reached the peak. As Starswirl had predicted, there were fewer guards here, but enough to be a problem.

Luna cracked her figurative neck. Time to get to work.

Back up in the sky and several leagues away, Celestia was relieved that Luna had remembered to close her eyes this time. Leaving them open, blank, empty, and unblinking for minutes at a time was no end of unsettling.

When she and her sister's empty body had glided low enough that she was starting to get concerned, suddenly Luna blinked and the life returned to her eyes. "Guards are taken care of," she reported with a grin, "the tower's clear for landing."

"You sure they're out this time?" Celestia asked skeptically as they pair once more rose into the night sky, "I don't want a repeat of what happened in Ravenmire."

"Yes," Luna stressed, "I'm sure. I pulled them so deep into their subconscious, it'll take being fired from a cannon to wake them up."

They continued to fly, flapping once every so often when their glide fell too low. They passed over the enemy encampment, forts and camps pitched around the outer border of the city, and continued unimpeded. Troops marched in strict lines as wisps of dark magic trailed behind them. Despite being in the middle of enemy territory, there wasn't an aerial patrol to be found as they flew without detection or notice. The journey was so smooth that it became worrisome.

"I'm a little surprised there aren't any pegasus patrols." Celestia glanced left and right as her wings twitched with involuntary nerves. "I know Sombra prefers unicorns, but still, he's supposed to be a master tactician."

"There were," Luna replied easily, "They're all asleep now."

"Oh. Nicely done. Having the power over sleep is really useful."

"I know right?" Luna beamed, "I can't see any reason to not use it at every opportunity."

Her sister started to nod before stopping midway. "Wait, is that how you keep getting all those cookies? You've been knocking out the royal chefs?"

"Maaaybe..."

Celestia scoffed. "You're terrible. And you didn't even share."

They landed on the top of the tallest tower with only a slight stumble. As promised, all the guards were deep asleep. At the center of the roof there was a mosaic floor made of the same crystal but in slightly different shades. Above it hovered a large crystalline heart that spun slowly as it illuminated the roof with a soft, blue light.

Luna batted it as they passed it and made their way to the stairs, making it bob and spin faster for a moment. "Neat lantern. Say what you want about Sombra, but at least he has a better decorating sense than Grogar did."

The palace was quiet. Eerily so. For such a large building, one would expect it to be packed with personnel. Maids cleaning and fussing, scribes and messengers dashing from room to room with loads of paperwork, guards protecting important rooms and important ponies. But there was none. Every able body had been drafted for the war, leaving the palace as empty as a crypt in Tambelon.

Except it wasn't. There was a sound, echoing from somewhere, too quiet to make out. It seemed to haunt the invading sisters, always coming from behind them no matter how they turned. It set their hair on end. With silence, at least they could pretend they were alone. Now, there was no doubt that they weren't.

Still, spooky sounds or no, they had a job to do. Or rather, a shopping list to clear. They systematically made their way through every room from the top of the tower downward, ever alert for a sign of Sombra and their ears ever assaulted by the mysterious voice. Unfortunately, the upper floors held slim pickings. What rooms weren't completely empty looked like a fruit stall just after being ravaged by a roving band of starving orphans. Clearly someone else had already been through the tower with the same goal as Celestia and Luna. Still, they pocketed a few things that had been missed. Scrap metal mostly, as well as the odd book or overlooked crystal trinket. They chugged potions as they went, quaffing them down as though it were hard liquor and they were about to have a leg amputated. Potions to buff strength, agility, durability, endurance, charisma, luck, sure-footedness; anything and everything that could give them an edge.

Starswirl's liquid spells worked as perfectly as he had promised. Locks were melted or cut away, large furniture was moved through levitation and magical output amplification spells, and any sudden noise was responded with an immediate bottle of invisibility. Not that any noise turned out to be more than scampering crystal mice. But that and the ever-present murmuring voice was more than enough to put the pair on edge. It wasn't until they were nearly halfway down the tower that they could finally pin down a clear direction towards where the voices originated.

Following the voices, the pair found themselves on a balcony-like protrusion hanging high over a large hall. Judging by the the spiked monstrosity of a throne against the far wall, this was where Sombra had chosen to set up court. The walls were heavy with ornamentation, as every free space boasted a carving or bust of some hero, king, or legend of old. Tapestries overlapped each other like fallen leaves in autumn. The whole affair was rather like if someone had tried to cram an entire palace's worth of decorations into one room. What few spaces were free of artifacts and heirlooms and baubles allowed tiers of balconies to jut into the room. Possibly to let more ponies sit in on royal speeches. The two common-born mares had no idea. Besides, there were more important things in the room to attract their attention.

Aside from the cluttered finery, the walls were also lined with chained crystal ponies, each shackled to their neighbor by hoof and neck. Civilians, merchants, former castle staff and guard, they seemed to be a random sampling of the citizenry gathered without a common factor. Though their eyes seemed free of dark magic control, they were not free from misery. Much to Celestia and Luna's delight, despite his ominous throne, Sombra, thank goodness, was nowhere in sight.

But, given that, where was the sound they had been following? There were no dark guards in sight, and all the slaves sat silent as mice. Had Sombra just left the moment they'd arrived? Or was there someone else in the castle that they needed to worry about?

Any further musings on the subject were swiftly cut short by the sudden return of a loud and boisterous voice that came from nowhere yet filled the hall like thunder.

"Alright, do it again. All together now, passionately!"

Celestia and Luna risked peeking over the banister once more, just barely enough to see what was happening down below. In a plume of smoke as black as midnight, Sombra appeared before his throne. His chest puffed out pridefully as a scarlet cloak billowed out behind him, lifted by an unseen wind. He wore a shining mithril crown, forged with demon-like horns that gleamed with wickedly sharp points even at a distance. Dark magic residue leaked from his eyes even while he wasn't actively casting, creating afterimages and a delayed amethyst blur when he moved. His horn, ribbed, cracked, inflamed and bursting at the seams with dark energy arced and hissed in the wake of his teleport and smoke spell.

Luna noticed some motion among the slaves. It looked like some of them were, against all reason, raising what looked like musical instruments. Horns, mostly, all made of crystal, but a few others as well that she didn't recognize. At some unknown signal from Sombra, they sprang to life with the opening bars of an unfamiliar, yet undeniably catchy, tune.

Sombra strutted forward, no, properly​ swaggered to the staccato beat of the blaring horns. And then, in front of his enslaved accompaniment and an audience of two increasingly confused enemy generals, he began to sing in a rich and creamy baritone that was only occasionally off-key.

"Oh, who's the most phenomenal, extraordinary fellow?"

"Youuuuu!" The slaves sang back morosely, but in perfect four part harmony.

Sombra grinned and nodded to the beat, apparently pleased with their response. "Who's the most remarkable, extra special kind of fellow?"

"Youuuuu!" The slaves chorused once more, those in front of him cowering obediently while those behind and outside his field of vision sighed heavily or rolled their eyes.

Accompanied by a musical interlude between verses, Sombra continued his exaggerated walk down the length of the hall, turning the regal red carpet into a veritable catwalk. Now and again, in time with particularly vibrant trumpet blasts, he paused to swirl his cape or flip his mane, basking in the adulation of the audience in his head.

"I'm- a-fraid- of- nopony under the sun! All- I- say- is- Boo! and my enemies run!"

Up on the balcony, Celestia snickered. Luna gave her a little shove, but also failed to hold back a giggle. Which made it harder for Celestia to swallow a chuckle. Which made-

"Oh, who's the- ...STOOOOOP!" The music died suddenly, one horn bleating out a solitary sharp note in surprise. Sombra stomped over to the flugelhorn players and shot them an evil eye. "Alright, which one of you was it?" he snarled, "Which of you insufferable ingrates played a B-flat when it obviously should have been an A above middle C? Well? Who was it?!"

The hall was dead silent, save for a brief sound not unlike the first quarter second of a glass shattering. The tyrant paused and listened intently, his ears swiveling on either side of his crown to try and pinpoint the noise or catch a follow-up sound. After several long seconds, he dismissed it as one of the other slaves biting their hooves in fear. Which was fine by him... so long as it didn't hinder their ability to sing or play instruments.

Meanwhile, up on the balcony, a pair of alicorns were laughing themselves to pieces. In a rare moment of thinking ahead, Luna had smashed a spell bottle and cast a sound-proof barrier, protecting her and her sister from his notice. Which was good, because they'd otherwise have been found out immediately and been in no shape to fight back. Celestia was rolling on her back, cackling like a madmare and struggling to breathe. Luna pounded on the floor, taking full advantage of the silence magic as she fought to regain control over herself as she laughed her head off.

"Bwaha...buh-ha ha! Who- who's the.. the- ha, I can't even say it! Who- who's the -ha, ha!- special!?"

"Oh, I'd say he's extra special all right! Shihaha-ah!

The unexpected spark of merriment lifted the dark cloud that had been hanging over them since they'd entered the palace. Suddenly, the mission didn't seem so scary.

"Okay, okay... I think that's enough" Celestia took a few deep breaths and tried to get her breath back. "His silliness aside, we still need to do something about him."

Luna, still wheezing, nodded. They peeked over the railings. Though they were still behind the bubble of silence, Sombra's strutting and posturing up the red carpet could only mean he was still rehearsing his musical number. Luna nearly started to fall into giggles again at his now silent pantomime, but managed to restrain herself. They watched for several minutes as he swaggered, got mad at a musician or singer, and restarted from the top over and over. In time, with enough staring, Celestia began to notice a pattern, and from that, the beginning of a plan emerged.

"Hey," she nudged her sister with a growing grin, "You remember that trick we used to pull on the old apple vendor?"

Luna's eyes lit up, followed by her grin a moment later. "I think I know what you mean. You think it'll work here?"

The paler sister took another glance at the room below, taking note of the occupants and their arrangement. "I think so. And if it doesn't, well..." She hesitated, realizing that if this plan failed it'd likely just make Sombra really angry.

"We run?"

"Fast."

"Got it."

"You want to be the distraction or the sneaker?" Celestia asked.

Her sister peeked over the banister once more, confirming her memory of there being a servant's door on the wall beside the throne. "I'll be sneaky. I think I see a path to where I need to go."

"Alright, I'll keep him distracted till you get in position." The pair shimmied back out into the hallway where, once out of sight, they stood up. "Remember, just like with the apple vendor."

"Apple vendor, got it."

Celestia and Luna smiled at each other for a moment, before finally caving to their worries and embracing one another in a nerve-filled hug. "Good luck, Lu." Cel whispered.

"You too, Cel," Lu replied.

The hug broke, Luna turned and began trotting down the hallway as quickly as she could while staying quiet. Celestia waited until she turned a corner before looking away. Once her sister was out of sight, she freed a nervous breath from her breast. She didn't like splitting up. Back in the streets, it had always led to disaster. But sometimes you just had to do things at different places at the same time to succeed. That was why she had to do her part as best she could. To give her sister the best possible chance of success. The best chance of them both surviving this.

Swallowing her racing heart, she stepped back onto the balcony and gazed over the room once more. The silencing spell was still functioning perfectly, so she could still hear nothing, but from the looks of things Sombra was back in middle of his routine. She craned her neck outside of the barrier, listening for the right cue to jump in and bring the rain to his parade.

Meanwhile Sombra was having a wonderful day. His enthralled generals told him the conquest was going well, and he'd finally routed that one horn player who kept hitting the sour note in the third stanza. He couldn't imagine anything that could ruin his good humor.

"Who's the most remarkable, extra special kind of fellow? Who?"

"Celestial Star!"

And much like a falling star, disaster had come loudly, unexpectedly, and from above.

She slammed into floor, reinforced armor cracking the crystal where she landed. Instruments and voices alike fell silent as all eyes turned to her.

Caught completely off guard by the sudden intrusion into his most private personal time, Sombra briefly forgot to adopt his kingly manor. "Who fills the air with notes so sour, and dares to threaten Sombra's power?"

Celestia, clearly confused, clarified. "Celestial star. I... just told you?"

Quickly, Sombra regained his composure as a evil and menacing dictator. With a scowl, he barked out an order for the slaves to leave him. Not wasting a second, the two chained lines shuffled up and out the doors as quickly as their shackles and instruments would let them Once the pair was alone, Sombra smiled darkly at his guest.

"So, the great hero Celestia has deigned to pay a visit to my humble estate. Oh, my apologies, its General Celestia now, isn't it?" He commented dryly, "I suppose congratulations are in order."

"Likewise," she replied, falling back on Starswirl's words of wisdom; if you don't know how to talk to somepony, mimic them and their patterns of speech. Then strike once their guard is down. "I hear you've recently declared yourself emperor as well."

"It's a start. I have much greater ambitions than a mere empire, you know."

"Oh I know."

An awkward silence filled the space between them. Sombra cleared his throat and tried to reignite the dialogue.

"I'm surprised you managed to make it this far, overcoming my defenses is no small feat."

"It wasn't that hard," she replied flippantly, "You left a few holes for us to slip through."

"Indeed. I suppose I'll have to address that."

"I suppose you shall have to indeed."

Again, silence took up residence and Celestia was finding it hard to meet his gaze. Ad-libbing a high level conversation was hard. Where oh where was Starswirl and his coaching when she needed him?

After a time, Sombra sighed mockingly. "You know, I seem to find myself... disappointed. Tales of your skills​ at statecraft, your cleverness with words, your sagely wisdom and insight have reached even here. Yet, thus far, you've shown yourself to be merely... adequate. I was actually looking forward to the chance to bandy words with you. To lay forth an intricate game of verbal chess as we trade barbs and threats with veiled undertones. Yet this barely qualifies as a successful conversation, let alone intellectual sparring. Do you mock me, Celestia? Am I not worthy enough a foe for you to even make the effort?"

"I am making an effort!" she insisted, "I think we're having a very nice conversation."

"Do you take me for a fool, Celestia?" His eyes narrowed, making the smoke at their edges flare. "I've read transcripts of your speeches. The stirring monologues that drive ponies to support you and your efforts as effectively as any of my mind control magics. Where are your words now? Did you not bring with you the silver tongue which ensnares the minds of feeble ponies like a hunter's trap? Where-"

"Fine, alright already!" Celestia interrupted, flaring both her wings and nostrils in anger and annoyance over what was clearly a touchy subject. "So I use a speechwriter, okay? No one ever said part of this job was creating grand and inspiring speeches at a moments notice! You don't have to rub it in, I get enough of that at home."

Yet another awkward silence settled between the two. Celestia still quietly fuming to herself over the slight and Sombra, caught off balance by the unexpected change in tone and subsequent destruction of mood he'd been trying to set. Neither spoke for a time as they each waited for the other to go ahead with their plan to jump-start the dialogue. Eventually it was Sombra who broke the impasse with a disappointed-sounding sigh.

"Perhaps it would be best if we were to forgo the ceremonies and skip right to the combat." His voice sounded tired, like he wasn't nearly as invested as he had been before.

Celestia hesitated. Combat? She couldn't do combat, nor did she want to! The whole point of the plan with Luna was to stall him long enough that they could explicitly avoid combat!

A hole with edges of flickering shadows opened in the space to Sombra's right. He plunged a foreleg into it, reaching deeply into the void before seeming to grasp something. He retracted his hoof at a snails pace, savoring every inch and second. Say what you would about his dark magic, regicidal tendencies, and general lack of ability to lead an orchestra, but right now Celestia was more than thankful for his showboating, theatrical inclinations. How he took a thousand words to say what a normal pony could have accomplished with ten.

Idly, a part of her brain not currently occupied with stalling for survival wondered what sort of weapon it was going to be. He'd been pulling for a while but had as of yet revealed only a long handle. It was a very nice handle at least. A long staff of obsidian, twice the length of her foreleg (so far) and intricately carved. As he reached the blade he suddenly whipped it out the rest of the way and brandished it with a pose that definitely looked rehearsed.

It was... certainly a unique weapon. A handle as long as a spear or halberd, but headed with a blade that looked like it belonged on a pirate sword: wide, thin, and oddly curved. Definitely weird, but oddly fitting such a weird wielder.

Sombra spun his weapon around in his magic, showing off his full range of motion and mastery over its movement. Even the air seemed to ripple as it flew, slicing out a vortex that made crystalline dust rise from the floor into a halo around his head before he sent it all back with a downward slash.

"Impressive, no?" He preened as he pulled the blade in close and held it like one would a child. "My prized possession, and my closest friend."

"I've... never seen anything like it," Celestia said honestly.

"A traditional weapon of the ancient crystal ponies," he continued as he stroked it, "Predating Discord, the Unification, and even the Great Migration." He tilted it so light played off the razor-sharp edge, casting rainbows across the room. "Forged with an alloy of the seven legendary prismatic ores in white hot furnaces for over three years, and folded over one thousand times, there is no blade in any of the settled lands that could be called it's rival."

He brought the blade up to face, his tongue dancing dangerously along along its edge while his eyes never broke their lock with Celestia's. "Diamond Smasher has drunk the blood of royals, warriors, spellcasters, and sages, but you should not feel slighted. You shall be it's first taste of 'hero'. Now, if you still have the will to fight, would you like to begin?"

It was at about this point, that Luna pulled the rug out from under him.

To be perfectly accurate, Sombra was still on the rug, only the royal red runner was now several hooves farther back than it had been and he was not.

Sombra's smile widened. It grew and grew, seemingly in slow motion to his two observers. The edges rose back higher and farther until both sides of his mouth met around the back of his head and completed the circle. Noiselessly, and somewhat anticlimactically, Sombra collapsed to the ground, his body remaining still as his upper head rolled off like an errant wheel of cheese.

The silence was short lived.

"You did it again!" Celestia cried, "Why do you keep killing ponies?!"

"I'm not trying to, it just keeps happening!" Lune shot back.

"What did you think was going to happen if you tripped him while he was licking a sword?"

"I was behind him, I didn't know it was a sword!" Luna released the carpet and stomped over to the body where her sister was. "I thought he had a warhammer. He was supposed to hit himself in the head and knock himself out. Who calls a sword 'Smasher'? This is all his fault!"

Celestia shook her head in exasperation. "Why are you even down here? You're supposed be in that hole in the ceiling, dropping something heavy on his head."

Luna glanced up then back at her sister accusingly. "The ceiling? You said we were doing the trick from the apple merchant. You distract him, I pull out the rug, he trips and we grab the food and run."

Celestia groaned. "That was the baker on middle street, not the apple seller. We tripped the baker cause he was so fat that he needed three of his apprentices to get back up! The apple merchant I distracted while you dropped a vase on his head from the roof. How could you get those mixed up? Does Sombra look fat to you?!"

She glanced at the body. "Eh, he could stand to lose a few pounds. He's got a bit of a muffin top. A couple of sit-ups wouldn't kill him." Her grinning gaze turned back to her sister. "Get it? Cause he's already dead."

Celestia snorted as she tried to choke back an involuntary laugh. It was macabre, but still funny. She just couldn't let Luna know that. Someone had to be the responsible one after all. "You're impossible."

"It was probably going to happen eventually," Luna reasoned, "Half the ponies out there were calling for his blood anyway. Also," her face grew a devious grin of realization, "This counts as my win, so by our agreement, I get first pick of the loot drop!"

Celestia opened her mouth to remind her dear sister that that was definitely not the system they'd agreed on and that it was most definitely her own turn for first pick, but then stopped before speaking. Her eyes dropped down to the body, then back to her sister, then something quite near the body. An odd little smile grew on her face. "Yes... you go ahead and take first pick. I'll wait."

"Yes! Score!" Luna dashed to the headless head of state and relieved him of his weapon. "I claim this sword-on-a-stick in the name of Luna, first of her name!"

"Hehehehehe..."

Luna (first of her name, owner of sword-on-a-stick) looked up as she heard a dark chuckle. It was, surprisingly, her sister, giggling as she kneaded her hooves menacingly.

"Oh my sister dear, once more your hasty actions have cost you dearly. Behold, the real treasure!" Celestia pounced and in a single bound vaulted to the other side of Sombra's body where she ripped his cloak clean away. Her magic lifted it into the air, spreading the corners to better display its full size.

Looking closer, Luna noted that it was indeed a fine cloak. A rich and evenly dyed crimson, thin yet not without enough heft to drape properly, and an occasional glimmer where light caught the weave. Yes it was very nice, quite a luxurious item to honest, but it wasn't all that. Not when you had a sword. On a stick, no less. Her sister would see the truth once Starswirl started exchanging their loot for prizes.

"Nice secondhoof clothes," she mocked, "You know, if you were cold there's a heating charm in your armor."

"You don't understand. This isn't just a cloak, this is 100% hoof-spun all natural crystalworn silk!"

"So its fancy fabric. Still doesn't beat my stick sword," Luna replied with a shrug, giving her new toy a few experimental overbalanced swishes.

"Don't you know anything, Lu?" Celestia admonished, "It's crystalworm silk! It's as strong as chainmail, but soft and light as regular silk. It can hold enchantments as easily as gold and the spells don't fade. And so hard to make! It must have taken years to get this much in one place! And its threadcount is so high:" Celestia stuck in face in the fabric. When she inhaled, a ghoulish impression of her face appeared on the other side. She pulled it away, gasping for air. "It's airtight!"

Eyes sparkling in newfound wonder and appreciation, Luna saw the cloak in a new light. "Wow! That's amazing!"

"I know! I'm going to sew it into a cushion to sit on!" Celestia brought up the cape to her face and began to nuzzle it like a foal. "Who's going to make the comfiest pillow ever? You! That's right, you are! No more sitting on hard wooden chairs for this mare. I'm moving up in the world, yes indeed!"

For a moment, Luna smiled alongside her sister, likewise picturing how comfy such a pillow must be. But suddenly her expression clouded over with anger. "Hey, you tricked me!"

She received a face full of smug grin for her trouble. "Oh? Is that a fact? I gave you first pick didn't I?"

"I- Well- That is..." the smaller sister sputtered, "No fair! I want a do over!"

"Tough hoofnails little sister, you had your chance and you chose the stick-sword."

Luna cast it away without a second thought. It spun through the air and landed, tip first, gouging through the crystal floors like a hot knife through butter. "Who cares about some silly weapon, give me the superpillow!"

Celestia clutched it to her chest. "Never! It's mine!"

"I undid my first pick! I want the that instead!" She grabbed a corner and began to pull, but Celestia would not yield that easily.

Thus began a most epic battle the likes of which no one would ever sing of, because who would write a song about two mares playing tug-of-war with a cloak like overgrown fillies? But in the midst of their heated battle, neither took notice of how an edge of fabric had gotten caught on an angled plate of their armor.

Luna pulled and the fabric hitched.

Celestia pulled and the first threads snapped.

Luna tugged as a tear formed.

Celestia tugged and it widened.

And when both sisters pulled on the cloak with all their might, the cinched and overstrained strap of Luna's saddlebag finally snapped.

The bag went hurtling through the air, end over end, followed by two pairs of eyes. It came to a crashing collision squarely atop the recently deposed and decomposing dictator heralded by the unmistakable sound of shattering glass.

Celestia and Luna froze in shock and alarm, Starswirl's warnings running through their head. After a few seconds of nothing happening they glanced at each other warily. Maybe their luck was holding out?

And then Sombra began to writhe and boil. Vibrantly colored liquids seeped out of the bag, hissing where they spilled into each other and releasing foul smoke. The corpse began to surge and twitch as magical forces ran rampant through his easily accessible veins and nerves. Spells and potions that never should have interacted began to form strange and fantastical hybrids of magic. And then he began to swell alarmingly.

Celestia's and Luna's gazes met once more, and in a moment of pure sibling synchronicity, they shared the exact same thought.

"Run."

"Well... that's not so good..."

Celestia and Luna hovered a safe distance away as the city was consumed beneath them. Torrents of magic, green and black and thick as tar, poured forth from the castle and out into the streets like the second coming of the smooze. Buildings, statues, soldiers; nothing was spared from the tidal wave of materialized magic.

"Pull back all forces!" Celestia ordered into the far-speak crystal embedded into her helmet, her voice travelling via magic all the way back to camp. "Call in any scouts and rangers from the city, get everypony away!"

"Of course, my General!" Major Demolition Urge's crisp voice responded immediately, "But what of the battle strategy? Were you not successful in subjugating him?"

"It, uh... we..." Celestia stumbled over her words, panic preventing her from coming up with a convincing lie. Luckily, her sister had her back.

"Sombra laid a trap!" Luna joined the frequency on her own earpiece, lying as glibly as Starswirl had taught. "We defeated him, as planned, through honorable combat, but even after a resounding defeat he refused to yield. He took his own life to spite us and as soon his blood spilled we felt a powerful spell activate."

Demolition Urge swore over the line. "A Deadmare's spell, the coward. Too craven to even face defeat with honor. That's dark magic, old as well. I'll sound the retreat down the line with all haste, my generals."

"Better make that double time," Celestia commented as the magic maelstrom of her own accidental creation surged and seemed to pick up speed.

Minutes passed as the magic continued to flow, encasing ever more of the beautiful city as it went. Just what had been in those bottles? What possible combination of spells could create such chaos? Around the border, they could see the troops of the alliance retreating. The enemy soldiers, however, merely fell back into formation without pursuing. Without new orders from their emperor, all the mind-controlled conscripts could do was follow the last orders given; to keep a defensive line around the city.

With little resistance, the flood of magic passed the edge of the city, quickly consuming as well the enemy camps and fortifications. Just as the two generals were starting to worry that they might have actually doomed the world this time, the magic stopped. For a moment, nothing moved as the entire city stood frozen like an insect in amber. Then, with a sudden flash of light, everything the mutant magic had touched disappeared. Where once a grand city carved of solid crystal had stood tall and proud, there was now nothing but a shallow crater.

There was silence for a time, and then somebody cheered. In moments the entire alliance was roaring cries of victory. Knights and soldiers shouted the names of their home cities and holdfasts while conscripts whooped and yelled with wordless triumph. For miles the sounds of their victory carried across the scrubby hills.

In the skies above, two sisters gave each other uneasy smiles.

"I... guess that works," Celestia ventured.

"We don't have to explain the body anymore," Luna pointed out, "And we have a perfect absentee scapegoat for why the city vanished. "

"Why did the city vanish?"

Her sister shrugged. "Who knows. I don't know how magic works. Maybe Starswirl included a melting spell or a disintegration charm." Her gaze drifted to the crater below. "Anyhoo, doesn't really matter does it? Knowing isn't going to change what happened."

"Hm. True." Celestia gave her sister a grin. "Call it a win then?"

Luna returned it. "I think we can call this a win."

They shared a high hoof and a short aerial victory dance before tilting their wings to start the long slow glide back to base camp and the celebration that was no doubt already taking place.

"Mind you," Celestia commented, Sombra's cape rippling in the wind from over she shoulder,"You're going to have to explain to Starswirl how you lost his storage sacks."

Luna grunted in annoyance before replying. "Fine. But you have to explain how you lost a whole city."

They laughed before Celestia suddenly stopped and all color drained from her face. "Oh no. Oh no, this is bad."

"What's wrong?" Luna scanned the skies around them and the ground below. Was there an attack incoming?

"Oh we are dead. We are so so so so dead!"

"What is it?! What happened?! Why are we dead?!"

"...we didn't get Starswirl his crystalberry wine."

Color drained from Luna's face until she nearly matched her sister. "Oh criminy, we are dead."

Author's Notes:

...This was supposed to be short.
This was supposed to start roughly when they get to the crystal palace.
But noooo... little voice in my head wouldn't settle for that.

"We could add a little bit of worldbuilding."

"How about a smidge of foreshadowing?"

"Ooh, how about this neat idea for a character cameo? Oh, he's going to need some characterization and backstory while you're at it."

And then suddenly... here we are. With a lot of words. Hopefully good words. Fun words.
Maybe less words next time?

On that note, have a picture of Major Demolition Urge! Yes, obvious reference is obvious, but no less fun. Be wary, he might show up again.

In realer news, I got a new job that has been majorly slowing me down. Last job had a policy along the lines of "Finished your assigned tasks for the day? Great! Rest of the day is yours. Read, write, whatever, just stick around till 5:00."
New job has a policy of "Done with work? Ha! Silly summer child, there is always more work."
So writing in generally will be slow. Slow, but not stopped. New chapters will happen... eventually.