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The Games We Play

by AbsoluteAnonymous

Chapter 16: Chapter 16: What Love Is

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On the surface, Fluttershy was like a delicate little blossom, fragile and easily injured, with a sense of innocence that charmed those around her, but on the inside, she was a born nurturer and could easily be strong when she needed to be. Specifically, whenever somepony around her was hurting or vulnerable, she could always be counted on to put aside those insecurities and rise to the occasion to do what needed to be done.

Rainbow Dash was hurting and vulnerable.

They didn't actually go to sleep, instead staying awake with one another all throughout the night. "We'll get plenty of sleep on the train tomorrow," Fluttershy said in an unexpectedly firm tone, and Rainbow Dash nodded her agreement, not even bothering to think of an appropriate or clever response.

They spent the night huddled on Fluttershy's bed. It reminded Rainbow Dash of the way they used to stay up all night back in flight camp, after they'd become friends, back during her days as Rainbow Crash. Fluttershy had always been there with a welcome smile – always ready to listen and offer whatever comfort Dash may have needed, never asking anything in return. Fluttershy had been Rainbow's confidante, her keeper of secrets. The yellow pegasus had seen Rainbow Dash cry many times in the past, something nopony else knew, but she still kept it to herself, knowing what Rainbow Dash's pride meant to her.

In the end, Rainbow Dash was able to stop crying, but it took the potent combination of time and Fluttershy's endless patience. Even when the tears finally ceased, she was left a quivering, sniffling mess with red, puffy eyes. She felt empty, almost collapsible, like she'd just thrown up, but she also felt infinitely lighter, as if a weight that she'd been burdened with for far too long had finally been lifted.

Maybe crying had helped. There had been so many occasions lately when Rainbow had wanted to cry and had held it in for some reason. Maybe it had all been building up until she just couldn't hold it anymore. That would explain why the pressure had vanished. She'd finally released some of that compressed emotion.

"Don't tell anypony that I was acting so dumb," Rainbow Dash mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"I won't," Fluttershy promised. The fact that she had made and kept identical promises countless times in their shared past went unsaid. She was so used to making that promise, and Dash was so used to asking it of her, that neither of them felt any need to think about it or discuss it for very long.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Dash muttered. After crying, after having felt as if she was on the verge of bursting for so long, she was now left feeling just... limp. Worn out. Exhausted. Used up. One of those. Any of them. All of them worked.

"You know," Fluttershy said softly. She was still stroking Rainbow Dash's mane. They were both curled up on the bed, Rainbow Dash tucked against her like a little filly with her mother, a position that was deeply familiar to the two of them by now. "Most ponies think that when you cry, it's because you're sad. But that's not true."

Rainbow Dash sniffed.

"When you cry, it means you're full. You can't carry all of something, so it spills over. Some ponies cry when they're happy. Some ponies cry when they're angry or frustrated. Some ponies cry when they're in love. It doesn't matter, really," Fluttershy continued in a conversational way. "So if you cry, it doesn't mean anything bad. It doesn't mean you're being weak or silly. It means that you got full somehow. I think the reason you were crying is because you were full of something. Do you want to tell me what you were feeling?"

"You're treating me like a baby," Rainbow Dash mumbled, but she stayed put, letting Fluttershy stroke her hair as her eyes closed.

Fluttershy was silent.

She knew not to push. If she was quiet and waited, Rainbow Dash would come clean soon enough.

And she was right, because it only took a moment for Rainbow Dash to confess everything. About Mare Do Well, and her paranoia and her insomnia, and the kiss with Pinkie and how Mare Do Well had pushed her away and how she didn't know what to do anymore because nothing was working and everything she did made just seemed to make things so much worse.

"Poor dear," Fluttershy murmured when Rainbow had finished. "You've been through a lot."

Another sniff.

"I don't even know why I care," Rainbow Dash said in a low, gruff voice. "They all suck. Everypony's just a big jerk now and I hate them all."

"You don't mean that."

"I do."

"No, you don't," Fluttershy countered peacefully, her serene expression unruffled even as Rainbow Dash's face twisted into a scowl. "If you hated them you wouldn't care, and if you didn't care you wouldn't be hurting so much. You hurt because you care."

"'Shy, you're older and wiser and stuff," Rainbow Dash mumbled, looking up to meet Fluttershy's clear, steady gaze. "What would you do if you were me?"

Fluttershy pursed her lips.

"Um," she began. "Well, I... I think I probably would... I don't know, actually," she admitted after a moment of stammering, face blushing pink. "I think I'd be too scared of Mare Do Well to do anything about her. But I kind of have an idea about what to do about Pinkie. Maybe. I mean, if you want me to tell you, that is."

"Tell me," Rainbow Dash ordered, voice fierce.

"Well, I think you're being selfish," came Fluttershy's startlingly blunt response. "You're not the one who lost something here. She's the one who was hurt, because she's the one who was rejected. You shouldn't expect her to comfort you. That's not very fair."

Rainbow Dash blinked, and Fluttershy shrank slightly behind her long, rose-colored hair.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean to –"

"No, no," Rainbow Dash reassured, equally quickly. "It's cool. I just... didn't think about it that way before. But I guess you're right. It was kind of... unfair of me."

She blinked again.

She had never stopped to think about Pinkie at all, really. All she'd thought was that she, Rainbow Dash, didn't want things to get messed up between them, and so, she'd expected Pinkie Pie to play along with her petty desires. She had very, very briefly wondered whether Pinkie was really capable of going back to normal, but then she'd pushed those worries aside, instead growing annoyed when Pinkie had gone on to prove that no, she wasn't capable of going back. Dash herself hadn't really tried to fix things or make it right; she'd just waited for Pinkie to do it.

"So what should I do?" Rainbow Dash asked after a moment of pondering.

"Um, I think you should apologize to Pinkie, and I think you two should sit down and actually talk about what happened, instead of trying to ignore it."

"That's a good idea, I guess."

Rainbow Dash's eyes fell shut once more.

"Do you think..." she began, and her voice faltered.

Mare Do Well had kissed her.

Well, not her, exactly; just her hoof. And the mask had covered her mouth, so there had been no actual physical contact.

But still. She had kissed her.

Again, Rainbow Dash wondered at the taste of kisses: if, for example, Mare Do Well had kissed her on the mouth – would there have been a discernible difference, or would there have been the same vague sweetness as when Pinkie had kissed her?

"Do... do you think it's possible... to... I mean, without..."

And again her voice faltered, maybe because she wasn't quite sure what she was trying to say, or what she even wanted to ask.

"How well do you have to know somepony before you can tell if you like them or not?" Dash finally settled on asking, cheeks inflamed.

"Oh!" Fluttershy said. "Ah, well, I've, I've read about love at first sight before, but..."

"That's not it," Rainbow Dash interrupted with a sigh, eyes once again falling shut. At first sight, she had found Mare Do Well annoyingly persistent and just plain weird. It was only by the dozenth sight or so that she'd started to think that maybe there was even the slightest possibility that Dash could like her at all in any way. Platonically, though. It wasn't love, and the point was, it definitely hadn't been at first sight.

It was more like an obsession, and not a romantic one. A craving born from the need to solve this mystery, not from any kind of genuine attachment. After all, how could you grow emotionally attached to somepony whose face you've never seen?

Rainbow Dash fidgeted a little. There was a kind of nagging, squirming itch somewhere deep inside her, a need to do or say something, but she didn't know what or why.

"What do you call it if you can't stop thinking about somepony, and you always want to go see them and touch them and stuff?"

"...I think that's what a crush is..."

"Even if you hate them and fight with them all the time and sometimes just wanna smack 'em?" Rainbow Dash growled, sharply jabbing the air with a hoof to emphasize her point.

"Well, I don't think that's very healthy, but sometimes love can be like that," Fluttershy answered carefully. Then she leaned forward a little, concern written in her eyes. "Is this about Applejack?" she asked in a hushed voice.

"What? No! Why does everypony think I'm into her?" Rainbow snapped with another scowl.

"Oh. I'm sorry," Fluttershy said meekly, drawing back apologetically. "I think... that if you're not really used to feeling something that big, it can seem like anger, since it's so strong and scary, and it can make you feel sad," she said diplomatically.

"Have you ever been in love like that?" Rainbow Dash asked, a note of curiosity slipping into her voice.

"I've read a lot of romance novels," Fluttershy admitted, a little bashfully. "Rarity lets me borrow them. And in a lot of them, the heroine thinks she hates the hero, because she's afraid of what it means if she loves him. She thinks that it makes her weak. But she's not – you have to be very strong and brave to admit that you love somepony, and she becomes even stronger when she finally does it."

I'm not afraid of anything, Rainbow Dash thought, but she said nothing out loud, instead asking, "Do you know anypony like that in real life?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"I promised."

"Promised who?"

"I know somepony who has a crush on somepony that she fights with a lot," Fluttershy explained quietly. "But I can't say who, because she hasn't told anypony else yet, and it would be wrong of me to tell anypony myself before she's ready."

After that, neither of them spoke for a long while, and Rainbow Dash almost dozed off, curled into her friend. But then Fluttershy spoke up, voice once again a curious blend of sweetness and firmness.

"I think you should do two things," she said decisively, with a little nod. "You need to talk to Pinkie, to try and fix things between you two. You shouldn't leave it all up to her; if you still want to be friends, you both need to work on it. And I also think you should tell Mare Do Well how you really feel."

"I can't!" Rainbow Dash squeaked, voice cracking on the word can't.

"If she actually loves you, she won't want you to be unhappy. If she's really making you this upset, then I think you should tell her – but calmly. If you get mad, she might think it's part of, uh, the, the game." Fluttershy stuttered a little on the phrase, but her voice regained strength as she continued. "So if you're very, very serious when you tell her, then she'll know you mean it."

"Oh," was all Dash had to say, relief flooding her body as the fear dissolved. "I thought you meant –"

"Meant what?"

"Never mind."

Her stomach was twisting into anxious knots again.

Another gentle, perfectly timed stroke of her mane.

"Tell her that when you're ready," Fluttershy advised in a low voice. "Wait until you know for sure yourself."

Rainbow's face turned beet red, but Fluttershy only smiled down at her tenderly in a knowing way.

Luckily, Angel chose that exact moment to make his appearance, sparing Rainbow Dash the need to come up with a response. He stomped as much as a rabbit could stomp towards the bed before furiously pointing at the clock on the wall.

"Oh, Angel!" Fluttershy cried, swooping down to the rabbit's height and ignoring his gesturing. "Poor little baby! Did you have a bad dream? Do you need mama to come and tuck you back in?"

I need you two to shut up so I can sleep, his glare seemed to say, but he let the yellow pegasus scoop him up in her forelegs and flutter out of the room with him anyway.

Now that she was alone, Rainbow Dash found that she no longer felt sleepy, and sighed.

She did not want to reassure the pitiful, lost Mare Do Well who was so afraid of being hated and abandoned. She did not want to help the seriously messed up, no-social-skills Mare Do Well who had resorted to such a zany scheme just to be close to her, of all ponies. She did not admire the heroic Mare Do Well who moved so easily, with such fluidity and strength.

I do not like Mare Do Well, Rainbow Dash told herself. Nowadays, she needed plenty of reminders, and she had to reassure herself of these facts almost every night, now. I do not want to kiss her. I do not have a crush on her.

The speech she'd made earlier had been completely cribbed from what Applejack had said in the boutique. Dash had to admit it. She wasn't even sure how much of it she'd understood herself, but it had sounded good. She'd spent the rest of the day thinking it over before spontaneously deciding to share it with Mare Do Well.

For some reason, every problem the six of them seemed to encounter appeared to be best solved by figuring out which moral they were supposed to glean from it, likely an aftereffect of hanging around Twilight too much. And a good thing, too: this way, Twilight almost never fell back into that nervous insanity that she'd plunged into when she hadn't been able to find a good friendship lesson for the princess that one time. But now, Mare Do Well had specifically told Dash nope, that won't work. She'd been all proud of herself, too, thinking that she'd done what she was supposed to do, and this mostly-unpleasant episode of her life could come to a close. Now Rainbow felt something like mingled disappointment and relief, both of them due to the fact that the solution hadn't turned out to be nearly as simple as she'd suspected.

Rainbow Dash couldn't win through exploitation, and she'd already promised both Mare Do Well and herself that she wouldn't cheat by just ripping off the mask. So, unless she wanted to go to some kind of authority, thereby humiliating herself even further because she hadn't been able to handle the situation on her own, she had no choice but to find a new way to use her wits to win. What wits she had, at least; her investigation was leading nowhere, and apparently Mare Do Well was too smart to let her guard down or let herself be manipulated.

I could just ignore her, Rainbow Dash reminded herself. I could just stop playing.

But that wasn't an option. The pegasus already knew that it was too late for that. She wouldn't be able to live with herself at this point if she let everything drop now, of all times. Not when everything was changing, so much faster than she could keep up with. Imagine: her, Rainbow Dash, speedster of Equestria and the best flier to ever come out of Cloudsdale, unable to keep up with something. It was ridiculous.

Rainbow could hear Fluttershy cooing over Angel in the next room.

The sound reminded her of that velvet voice, so sleek and smooth in spite of the throaty, husky quality it had.

I'll just be hiding in a corner, admiring you from afar, she'd said.

Normally, a compliment like that would've made her feel pretty good. The cocky Rainbow Dash of yore would've basked in such attention without a second thought. Now it just felt like just another shove towards the precipice, and she knew that soon, very soon, she was going to reach that edge and fall.

• • •

"Are you ready?"

"Yes! Geez, I've been ready for, like, ever!"

"Okay... I'll be gentle."

"Don't bother, just hurry up and do it already!"

Fluttershy bit her lip, and her hooves trembled, but with a little nod of resolve, she began to undress the bandages binding Rainbow Dash's wings.

Her wings felt stiff and oddly tight from being bound for so long, and when she first experimentally tried to flap them, little crackles of pain made Rainbow Dash wince, but she could move them, they were free, and that was all that counted.

"Thanks, Fluttershy!" Dash cried, head turned to look at her beautiful blue wings. "You are so awesome! Like, unbelievably awesome! I totally owe you one, you know that?"

"No, it's fine," Fluttershy said, looking relieved as she watched Rainbow Dash's wings spread, stretch, and fold as she tested them out. "I'm just glad they're doing better. I was so worried."

"Oh, yeah, they're doing great," Rainbow Dash answered breezily. "Check 'em out!"

"You, you probably shouldn't use them too much for a little while," Fluttershy warned. "They'll be weak from lack of use. You'll need to break them back in gradually."

"Yeah, I know. And what better way to break them in than to go flying right now?"

"W-wait! Don't –"

Fluttershy's voice faltered. Rainbow Dash had already taken off, leaving her standing alone on the front steps of her cottage, watching as the streak of rainbow cut across the sky.

Oh, Celestia, how Rainbow Dash had missed flying. So, so much. The snowy ground, so cold and unwelcoming, suddenly seemed to become flittering and wonderful when viewed from the air. Her entire body had screamed in protest when she'd first spread her wings again, but those protests were forgotten the moment she was airborne, the wind cutting her face as she touched the sky.

It was still early, the world bathed in the pre-dawn light, but Rainbow Dash only had another hour or so of freedom before she was meeting the others at the station to board the train to Canterlot. What could she do until then?

Briefly, her mind flashed on that night – so long ago, it seemed – when Mare Do Well had revealed a fear of heights, and how Dash had almost wanted to take her flying just to freak her out. It didn't seem fair, exactly, that Mare Do Well could always come find her however and whenever she wanted when Rainbow Dash had no way of initiating contact herself. Then again, she'd never wanted to before, either.

Was that a bad sign? That she was wishing she knew how to find Mare Do Well, just so she could see her again?

No, it was fine. It didn't mean anything important. It just meant that she was, um...

Rainbow Dash closed her eyes, and found herself picking up speed. The feel of the cold morning air rushing against her was a wonderful distraction. This was exactly why she'd missed flying so much.

• • •

"Dashie?"

"Guh!"

With a sound like a snort of surprise, she was snapped out of her slumber. Rainbow Dash jerked upright, whipping her head around wildly, and froze when her eyes settled on the bright pink source of the disturbance. Instantly, she relaxed.

"Pinkie?" Rainbow mumbled, rubbing her eyes. "What're you doing here? ...Wait," she added, casting a glance around her surroundings.

Oh, yeah.

Somehow, Dash had completely forgotten about boarding the train, most likely because she'd passed out the moment she'd hit her bunk, but now that she was awake, her memory was gradually returning to her. She hadn't been able to fly very far or long before her wings threatened to give out, and so she'd reluctantly cut off her glorious flight much, much sooner than she would've liked. But at least she'd been able to go see her house before they'd left. Everything had been exactly the same as she'd left it, except... cleaner. Apparently, Fluttershy had felt the need to tidy up while she'd been there to pack for Rainbow, but the pegasus wasn't about to complain.

Now the six of them were on the train to Canterlot. Applejack was asleep as well, snoring in a surprisingly cute way on her own bunk. Rarity was happily gossiping with Twilight, although Twilight's attention occasionally seemed to drift back to the book she had open on the seat before her. Fluttershy was staring absently out the window at the scenery rolling past. Although she looked a little nervous, probably because this was only the second time she'd ever been on a train, she also wore a contented little smile, likely because they were all going together. And Pinkie was directly in front of her, bouncing on her haunches and shaking the bed.

"Pinkie, stop it," Rainbow Dash ordered, grabbing her shoulder to still the pink pony. Pinkie immediately froze, and Rainbow Dash jerked her hoof away.

I didn't mean to, she thought with a surge of panic. But what hadn't she meant to do? Touch Pinkie, or pull away?

Luckily, Pinkie seemed to recover instantly, but unfortunately, "recovery" included returning to her bouncing.

"I'm bored, Dashie!" Pinkie pouted. "And we have a whole big long day before we reach Canterlot! What should we do until then, huh?"

The old Rainbow Dash would suggest they maybe think up some kind of hilarious prank that they could pull on the others from a moving apparatus, or go check out the snack car and buy everything they could carry, or something like that. The current Rainbow Dash was terrified by the prospect of being alone with Pinkie, but from the meaningful way Pinkie Pie was looking at her, she knew that this was one of those important questions that would definitely come up later if they happened to ever fight again. And the truth was, frightened of her or not, Rainbow Dash missed the easy way they used to hang out.

Fluttershy had told Rainbow Dash that if she wanted to maintain her friendship with Pinkie, then she would have to work at it, too, and this was probably what she'd meant. Even when things made Dash uncomfortable or nervous, if she wanted to stay friends with Pinkie, then she had to look past those feelings of discomfort and do them anyway.

"Let's go explore the train!" she suggested in a falsely cheerful way. Because that's the kind of thing the old Rainbow Dash might've suggested.

Pinkie beamed. "Okie dokie lokie!" she agreed happily. "That sounds fun! Do you think we'll find a –"

"Wait."

"Huh?"

"Um, before we do that, there's something I kind of needed to talk to you about. In private."

Maybe it was Rainbow's imagination, but for a moment, she thought she saw a flicker of fear cross Pinkie's face. It made her stomach twist unpleasantly. She hated knowing that she was the reason Pinkie was so unhappy, so anxious, but that only furthered her resolve to fix things between them.

"Um, okie dokie?" Pinkie said with a nervous laugh, but then her face brightened again, another enormous grin stretching across it. "Ooh, let's go to the snack car! We can talk in there, and get something really tasty to eat, too!"

"Okay," Dash agreed. "Sounds good. I'm hungry, anyway."

Pinkie bounded off down the corridor, surprisingly steady in spite of the shaking car, and Rainbow Dash fluttered after her. It felt amazing to do so after spending so much time unable to fly. Even the smallest movements of her wings seemed precious.

"What did you wanna look for?" she asked as she joined Pinkie, who immediately began to skip as she led her to the snack car.

"Look for what?"

"You started asking me if I thought we'd find something."

"I did?" Pinkie tilted her head, puzzled. "Maybe we will! I bet whatever we find will be really cool, if I don't even know what it is!"

A single chuckle escaped before Rainbow Dash could suppress it, and she briefly felt a wave of nostalgia for when they could talk like this all the time, without any of that awkwardness or unfamiliarity pervading the conversation.

"Pinkie Pie, you are so random."

• • •

The snack car of the train was empty when they arrived, and Pinkie promptly ordered a fudge brownie sundae, even though it was still early in the morning. Rainbow Dash thought it best not to ask. Although she'd said she was hungry, too, when they actually arrived, her stomach was back to knotting itself, and she doubted whether or not she'd be able to eat anything, so she ended up not ordering.

They sat down at one of the many empty tables, and Pinkie eyed her ice cream, which she'd doused in every kind of sauce imaginable, sighing in satisfaction before promptly beginning to stuff her face.

"So," Rainbow Dash began, unsure how to start, but Pinkie just continued to eat, oblivious to her uncertainty. Watching Pinkie eat was kind of a fascinating process. Unlike normal ponies, she never seemed to have to pause and catch her breath, and she never seemed to suffer from indigestion or brain freezes.

"Want some?" Pinkie offered, shoving her half-finished ice cream across the table, towards Rainbow Dash.

"No thanks," Dash said immediately, even though it did look pretty tempting. She took advantage of the lull by diving right in. "I wanted to talk about what happened."

Another flicker of fear. "What do you mean, Dashie?"

"You know."

A blank stare.

Either Pinkie was a fantastic actress or she really was insane. She couldn't have just forgotten something like that, not something that big, not something that had been making Rainbow Dash completely freak out ever since it had happened.

But then Pinkie said, "I thought we were going to pretend that didn't happen."

She spoke quietly, in an unnaturally serious way.

"I think that's a bad idea," Rainbow Dash said in a halting voice.

"We both wanted to pretend that it didn't happen, Rainbow Dash. We both agreed."

The pegasus flinched at Pinkie's use of her full name.

"I know we agreed, but maybe we shouldn't have. I know you've been trying really hard to make everything normal again, but things have still been really weird. For me, at least."

Pinkie wasn't looking at her, and instead of a smile, her mouth was a grim slit as she pursed her lips.

"I, I don't really know what I wanted to talk about, exactly," Rainbow Dash admitted. She just had to keep on plugging, even if Pinkie wasn't going to help. It wasn't fair of her to expect Pinkie to do this alone. "I just thought that if there was anything you might have wanted to say, then, I dunno. I miss just hanging out with you, when everything was cool. I feel like I have to be careful all the time because I'm scared of making things worse, and even if you're trying to be normal, just my being scared all the time means things aren't."

"So what am I supposed to do now?" Pinkie snapped, eyes flashing as she suddenly yanked her head up to glare at Rainbow. "I've done everything I was supposed to! I've been smiley, happy Pinkie, so what more do you want? That's not good enough anymore?"

"No. No! I mean, I like it when you're being happy and smiling, but I want you to mean it. I don't want you to just be acting happy because you think that's what you're supposed to do. That is what you're supposed to do, but, but not because we'll all be disappointed if you don't. We want you to actually be happy all the time," she stammered, wings fluttering slightly in panic. "Not because we won't like you if you're not, but because we want you to be happy, for you. Because we care about you."

"We?" Pinkie repeated. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You keep saying we. You're avoiding making this personal by making it about the group."

It was chilling to hear such serious words coming from Pinkie's mouth, but there was something dark crossing her face, something that Rainbow Dash didn't want to see shrouding her friend.

"I want you to be happy," Rainbow Dash clarified. "That's what I mean by things being normal. Things are only normal if you can smile and mean it. If you're upset about something, then it means things aren't normal, and I can't relax."

Pinkie was no longer scowling, but the darkness was being replaced by some kind of strange sadness that broke Rainbow Dash's heart to see.

"I don't think I can do that right now," she said weakly.

"You don't have to," Rainbow Dash answered softly. "That's the point. But I'd like to know that you're happy enough to be able to. Am... am I making any sense?" she asked.

"Kind of."

Pinkie was slumped against her seat, looking depressed. Literally. Like someone had taken her buoyant mood from before and squashed it into an unrecognizable gloom. How could she fake being so happy all the time, if this is how she really felt?

And then Rainbow Dash had an idea. It was going to be a sacrifice, but it would be worth it if it meant she'd get to see Pinkie happy again.

"Did I tell you about the ticket?" she asked, voice hesitant.

Pinkie's ears seemed to perk up, indicating her interest. "What ticket?" she asked curiously.

"I got a present from... somepony. A VIP pass to this Wonderbolts thing in Canterlot. I was gonna go during one of our free days."

"Wow, Dashie," Pinkie said with a small smile. "That sounds really nice. I bet it'll be fun."

"Do you wanna come, too?"

"How? I don't even have a ticket, silly."

"The pass I have is probably worth a lot. I bet I could trade it in for a couple of normal ones. Probably not for everypony, but at least two, for us."

Pinkie stared at her, blinking rapidly. "Dashie, no!" she finally gasped, looking alarmed. "Don't you wanna go and meet the Wonderbolts? Remember living the dream and stuff? That's like the most important thing ever to you!"

"No, my friends are the most important thing ever to me," Dash corrected. "And it won't be as fun unless I have somepony there to get excited with. The others ponies in the VIP section will probably all be stuck-up snobs that don't have a clue about racing. I'd probably have more fun in the stands. And besides, the Wonderbolts already kind of know me, remember? Talking to them isn't that important anymore."

Everything she said was technically true, but it still pained her to say so. Even if she wasn't still desperate to make a good impression on them, Rainbow Dash would've loved to have another chance to talk to them, but she watched Pinkie carefully to gauge her reaction.

Pinkie gave her another blank stare, and then an uncharacteristically slow, hesitant smile. "You know what?" she said brightly after a moment. "That sounds super-duper fun, Dashie! I've never been to a derby before!"

"They're pretty sweet," Rainbow Dash answered, leaning back in her chair haughtily in an attempt to look blasé about it, to hide the fact that she'd never seen one live, either. "Don't worry, I'll tell you who to cheer for. The most important part is that you do it really, really loudly so they know you're rooting for them." She gestured casually, as if she knew what she was talking about.

"Ooh! I can do that!" Pinkie cried, slamming her hooves down on the table. "Like this!"

She took a deep breath, screwing her eyes shut in concentration, before whispering, "Yay."

Rainbow Dash groaned, but Pinkie started giggling, and soon, Dash was, too. And then they were both laughing, snorting and cackling over something that wasn't nearly as funny as they were making it out to be, and they knew it.

Everything seemed okay all of a sudden. Rainbow Dash was going to the city. She was going to be the star of the biggest Hearth's Warming pageant in Equestria, and there would be a huge crowd gathered there to watch her be awesome, just as she liked it. There was a big fancy party and a Wonderbolts Derby to look forward to, not to mention the presents, and right now, she was riding on a luxury train with her best friends in the whole world and an enormous pile of ice cream that Pinkie had just shoved her face back in, causing them both to burst out laughing again.

There really wasn't much more she wanted out of life.

At least, that's how it felt at the moment.

• • •

It had started with the original Mare Do Well scheme, which felt so long ago, now. That was how it began. There had been a kind of dangerous thrill that had come with watching Rainbow Dash without her knowledge, trailing behind her in the shadows. It had been wrong, it had been sick, but she had loved it – loved knowing that she was so close, and that the pegasus would never tell her to go away or leave her alone.

Mare Do Well had felt guilty, sure, guilty as all heck, because she knew how bizarre that was, to have a crush on somepony that you were too scared to approach, but had no problem stalking.

She had justified it at the time by telling herself, again and again, that she was just sticking to the plan. They had all followed her. That had been the point. As the collective identity of Mare Do Well, they were specifically acting with the sole intention of humbling Rainbow Dash, and had to know where she was at all times. How else were they to keep up with her? To always be ready to spring into action?

She alone had taken a more personal interest, because when she was behind the mask, she'd felt safe for the first time. Mare Do Well was a blank slate. She could do whatever she wanted without fear of judgment, and the sense of power that knowledge gave her had been dizzying. Nopony knew who she was, so she didn't have to be anypony at all. And she'd liked that.

Now, though, was different. Every time she stepped back into the role of Mare Do Well, it got harder to stay in character. Every time she and Rainbow Dash saw each other, she felt herself lose a little more control, reveal a tiny bit more of her real self. The mask was cracking, and soon it would fall off, revealing the pathetic, frightened, love-struck pony hiding underneath. She was slipping. Before, she had liked having a new identity to protect her, but it had become a burden. Now it just felt like just another shove towards the precipice, and she knew that soon, very soon, she was going to reach that edge and fall.

Rainbow Dash was so bright and unique, like her namesake. She was blazing and glorious and absolutely terrified Mare Do Well. When they'd woken up together that morning, she'd shoved the pegasus away out of fear – fear at how strong and overpowering her feelings had suddenly become. She'd never felt something so huge before; it was like her emotions were an all-consuming wildfire, ravaging her.

Was that really what love was? How did other ponies cope? She had never known she was capable of feeling so much.

If it was pure obsession, surely Mare Do Well would've taken the stalking thing even further. She would've been taking secret photos and going through Rainbow's trash and collecting hair, or something else equally freaky, but she'd never even considered doing any of that. She'd just wanted to be close to Rainbow Dash.

If it was lust, surely physical contact wouldn't scare her so much, now. And besides, she knew all of Rainbow Dash's physical cues; if it had been about sex alone, she doubted it would've been very hard to get what she wanted. But just thinking that way made her feel sick. She hated herself for thinking that way, because that wasn't who she was. Only she didn't know who she was anymore.

It was more of a need, this longing. More than anything, she needed to be close to Rainbow Dash, to hear her voice and see her face. It didn't matter how or why. Even when Dash was angry, it was okay, because at least she was still paying attention to Mare Do Well. This greedy possessiveness, this burning desire, this hopeless frailty, all of it stemmed from the same selfish need.

The way they were right now – on the train, the pony Mare Do Well truly was absently following the oblivious Rainbow Dash with her eyes – this was okay. This was safe. As much as she could, she kept her distance, so as not to be overcome by Rainbow's presence. But it was difficult, both because Rainbow Dash didn't understand how she felt and because it was almost impossible for the mare to resist the impulse to reach out and touch her.

And Rainbow Dash was none the wiser, smiling at her and laughing like she didn't know.

There was no way Mare Do Well could keep it up for much longer.

That smile alone threatened to push her over the edge.

Next Chapter: Chapter 17: Correspondence Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 29 Minutes
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