It certainly wasn't the best letter I'd written. I was just trying to get anything I could think of written down before anypony showed back up. I just wanted to say goodbye to everypony, let them know everything was OK, tell them what needed to be said but that I couldn't bring to life in person.

Pearl came in to see me crying over my desk, in the middle of writing my letter. I had stopped feeling angry at Stitches, and once again only felt angry at myself. I couldn't explain why, even to myself. I just stopped writing and started crying. I don't know how long I'd been crying, but Pearl had come back early to check on me.

"What's wrong?" She asks. When I force a deep breath and look away she wraps a hoof around my shoulders. "It's OK, Timber. No pony's expecting you to make this kind of decision in a day."

"But I c–can't..." I take a long pause to cry, still looking away. She lets me cry for some time: until I just about forget why I'm crying and slow down. "I don't think... I can't make this decision."

"I know it's hard—"

"It's impossible," I interrupt. "I love them both, and can't face..." I trail off and pause again. I have no idea what to say.

Pearl pulls me off my chair slowly and has me sit on the floor beside her, resting my head on her shoulder. I've just about stopped crying, and really just feel tired. I don't want to talk anymore. I don't want to explain myself or answer any questions. But, I don't know what I want.

"Listen," Pearl says, "Stitches told me. He said that, he was your first choice, but that he had to turn you down. He understands that you're angry with him, but he feels terrible. He wanted to apologize, but with how he left your last conversation... Plus, he was afraid you would be leaving soon." She pauses. I lift my head from her shoulder and look away, ashamed. I knew it was a stupid idea. But I also knew I'd only feel that way if I got caught. "We don't want you to leave..." She puts her hoof around me again and pulls me close.

I'm still looking away, trying to be steadfast in my decision, but my lip starts quivering again. "It's all I can do..." I choke out.

"No, it isn't," Pearl tries to reassure me.

"That's all I was doing before," I explain, barely keeping my composure. "I only moved to the city to get away from problems with my family. It was the only thing I could think of."

"You're being ridiculous," she scolds me softly. "You told me you'd always wanted to work on Bridleway, and that you've always dreamed of living in the city." I squeeze my eyes shut tight and sob again. "Running away wasn't the.... it wasn't the only choice you had, and it wasn't the choice you made. It was just convenient that you moved away right when things were getting bad."

I turn and fall into her embrace, utterly ashamed of myself and disgraced for being so stupid. I sob like a fool while she just holds me and pats my back. I try to apologize, but it just comes out as sad moans. She holds me close and lets me cry.

When I finally start to calm down again she comes back in, "I think you're a little tired."

I sniff. "I guess so."

She pushes back and I lift off slowly. "Why don't you get some sleep?"

I just nod slowly. She gets up and is about to leave when I stop her. "Wait. What about Bolden?"

She stops and turns, giving me a look of anticipation—as if she thinks I want her opinion on him. "Bolden?"

"Where is he?" I ask.

"Oh," she sighs. "He's just staying at my place." She smiles, and I smile back in thanks. She turns again to leave, then stops once more. "I don't... I don't want you to choose one over the other out of pity."

I close my eyes and sigh, "I know."

"No, I mean..." She steps a little closer—as if that will make the point more clear. "I know you've been told a lot lately, and heard a lot of questions. I can't imagine what you're going through, and I don't want you to tell me. I know it sounds a little selfish, but I don't want to know what you're going through." I'm beginning to think that what she's saying has nothing to do with her first statement, which is a pretty funny thought. I don't smile, though. "I just want to go back to normal. But, knowing you, you might want to hold on to this for a while."

That almost hurt, but I don't quite understand. "What?" I insist.

"I mean–ugh... You... crave excitement. After all the time I've spent with you, I've learned how desperate you are for something interesting to happen in your life and now that something has happened, and you're reacting like a normal pony about it, you—at least a part of you—must feel like... I don't know! Like you've made some kind of mistake." She pauses and takes a deep breath. "Remember how you felt... like, unwrapping presents, or going out to eat! Or, on your birthday at the club. Or even just an average day at the cafe. You can be happy, Timber. You just have to, I don't know, choose to..."

I don't know how to respond. What does she mean, "choose?" How can I choose to be happy?

"Just... I don't know how to explain it. This whole ordeal has me worried for you, no matter how much you don't want me to worry. And that's another thing! You have a tendency to let yourself feel bad as long as no pony around you does. That's all well and good, but try to understand that we want to help you. Telling us what's really—really—on your mind, it's what we want. Don't hold back on details just to try to spare us, it's what we're here for. That's why we're your friends; because we want to help. We want to be there for you, to hold some of that burden." She pauses, takes a deep breath to keep herself from crying. Tears are rolling down her face, same as mine, however different the reason. "You don't have to wait for the right stallion to let go of it all. You don't even have to choose one because you think he'll be better at it." Then she smiles, chortles at herself. "At this point, it's pretty much who you want to sleep with more."

That makes me smile. I sniff again, starting to get angry at myself for crying at something so simple as sentiment. She's crying because of how hard she's trying just to convince me why I shouldn't cry, and why I shouldn't leave. I get it, though. "Thank you, Pearl... Thanks for reminding me..." Reminding me of what? Just, reminding me I suppose. She knows.

She sniffs and wipes her eyes. "You're welcome," she smiles, "Timber Quill."

My smile drops. Where did that name come from? I could ask her. Sure, why not? "Hey, where did you get that name?"

She gives me a quizzical look, still smiling. "You mean your name?"

I roll my eyes, then shake my head. I didn't mean to roll my eyes. It's not like she could have understood. "Well, my name is 'Timber.' Where did you get the second part?"

She looks around, thinking hard. "I don't know. I heard it somewhere. Or heard somepony call you that. It wasn't you, though... I guess I just always thought it was your second name, but you just preferred the first name." My eyes dart around the floor, not really looking for anything. I'm just trying to remember the first place I heard it. "I won't call you that, I guess. If it's not your name."

"No, it's not that. I like it, I just don't remember who said it."

She smiles, shrugs, "Well let me know if you remember."

I smile back. "Will do."

"I'll let the others know dinner's off," she reminds me. "You just get some sleep."

"Right," I sigh. "Will do." And this time, I'm not going to run.