Pearl was confused at first but understood that she couldn't expect me to explain. I mean, she could, but she wasn't going to. She still believed it was for the best not to ask me questions. She tells me Stitches was doing some studying today, but she could give him a call for me.

"I'd appreciate that."

"All right," she offers. "You want to talk to him before dinner tonight? Alone?" I get the feeling she's catching on to my intentions, which is fine by me. As long as she doesn't mention them now since she didn't bother asking. I nod, she smiles. "I'll send him right over."

I smile gratefully. She leaves. I still have no idea where Bolden might have gone. I refuse to think about him though. Instead, I decide to go through my things. I end up reminiscing a lot more than I would have liked.

I laugh at myself when I find my hidden lingerie, then again at the dildo. Not only does it all make me feel foolish, but it makes me feel happy. It got me thinking about how much fun I'd had with my friends so many times, then how upset they made me other times.

I'm crying my eyes out when Stitches comes in. The door was unlocked, so he came right in asking for me, then came right over to hug me. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want to force him into this situation. I was just trying not to think about Bolden or Noh. Now Stitches was holding me in a way I thought he never would.

Which, of course, made what I wanted to say that much harder.

He strokes my head, still sore from the stitches. No doubt he sees what I was looking through that made me cry. He's breathing heavily...

"I want..." I gasp, then whimper. "I want, you..." I'm not sobbing, entirely. Just breathing hard into his chest, rubbing my tears against his fur. He's also breathing heavily, but he's silent. "I can't choose, either of them. I–I want..."

"I know," he inputs. I start calming down some, so he lets go. I look in his eyes for clarity, answers. Of course he knows, but there's more. He sighs, "I know... that I mean a lot... I know that I was the first one to really show interest. I just..."

"I know," I sniff. "I'm sorry, I know. I just... I really just wanted to ask, for your help."

"Help with what?" He steps a few feet away.

"I..." How do I put this so that he won't ask questions? I don't think that's possible. "I want to move out of the city."

His eyes widen. "Are you kidding?" Dammit. "Timber, you can't just run away from this."

"Don't tell me that! You were the only one I thought I could trust to help me with this. I know it's unfair for me to just leave everypony like this, but I can't make this kind of choice. I can't handle everybody pitying me..." I choke.

"We're not pitying you. We just want what's best for you."

"But you..." I don't let myself finish.

"I know what you want... but I'm sorry." He's choking up too. "I'm not who I thought I was, who I told you I was. I–I've matured. Since you jumped. Or, fell... I know I've fucked up your life, but I can't pretend my whole life just for your sake."

"You think I don't understand that?" I demand. "Of all the ponies who would understand what it's like to pretend–"

"I'm not asking you to understand!" He shouts, through tears. "I–I'm asking you to forgive me. I fooled you. I made you think, something about me that wasn't true, all because I thought you were what I needed, but I can't fool myself as easily. I'm not..."

"You're not like me," I finish.

He swallows hard, eyes pressed shut. I shudder. "If you want to run," he mutters, "fine. I won't stop you. But, if you can't let me go, then it's probably best we don't keep seeing each other."

I'm breathing heavily. I'm not crying, not right now. I'm infuriated. At least this time, I know who I'm mad at, so I'm not stuck being mad at myself. Someday, I ought to thank him for that.

He looks me in the eye, sees the hatred he's placed there. Then he steels himself. "Goodbye, Timber."

"Goodbye."

I don't wait for him to leave before I start preparing myself. I don't really know what I'm preparing, but being angry at Stitches made it easier to choose to leave.

I'm not going to apologize. I hope you can understand why I've made this decision, why I had to leave. I might be running away, and I might regret it in the future, but I feel so stuck in this situation and I can't see a satisfying way out of it.

I don't really know how to explain it, but I really do hope you can understand.

I'm taking everything of mine with me, Bolden can have the apartment. Tell Curtain Call I'm flattered that he's producing my play, and that I'd love to see it once it's finished, but please try to explain to him why I left. Try not to make him feel guilty for it, which I hope none of you do, because it's not your fault.

You should also let Gourdy know that I've gone, that I quit. I don't Want him feeling guilty either.

Ever since I can remember I've wanted to get away from my family, to move to the city and be my own pony. I wanted to prove to myself that I can control my own life, choose my own life and make my own happiness. Now I see that I haven't made any happiness, only strife.

Don't worry about me, though. I'd always planned on Ten-Pony as a sort-of plan-B in case Manehatten didn't work out, and in case any of you feel so inclined to follow me, that's where I'm going. Still, I only want you to understand.

I look forward to the future, when I've straightened out.