“I’d ask that you don’t teleport back until this evening, my infiltrators are keeping up appearances and it would cause a scene if there were two of you,” Jekyll requested.

“You bastard, you’ll get them all killed,” I spat, baring my teeth in anger.

“I’ve always wondered about that reflex, it doesn’t make much sense for a herbivore to show off how absolutely fucking pointless their bites are,” the monster mocked with an easy smile.

“Tia relax, we’ve mimicked your behavior almost perfectly. Any rogue spies won’t even know it isn’t you on the throne,” Luna consoled.

“As long as you don’t teleport into the throne room and fuck everything up anyway,” Jekyll added, planting the mental image of some impostor messing everything up into my brain. I grimaced at the thought.

“Celestia please, this is exactly what we wanted. Now we can get rid of those beasts once and for all,” Dawn reasoned, her words cutting through my reflexive anger for a brief moment before I saw a new reason to vent my rage.

“You dragged Dawn into this too? What is wrong with the two of you? She’s not part of this, I won’t have her put in this kind of danger,” I demanded. I closed my eyes and began the process of weaving a teleportation spell, but Luna’s hoof on my shoulder kept me from casting it.

“I’ve read the reports and I believe she’ll be quite helpful in keeping these talks peaceful,” Luna rebutted.

“She’s too funny to let any tensions build,” Jekyll agreed. Funny?

“What do you mean mister Jekyll?” Dawn asked, maintaining her politeness even through her confusion.

“I laughed for almost six hours after I read about your secret romance theory, Chelly and I have had a hate-hate relationship from the start. How anyone could think I would have feelings for the one that destroyed my home and all but killed my family is beyond me,” Jekyll explained. I had to wonder about my motives regarding that point, I didn’t have a reason for claiming responsibility for the sealing of the Crystal Kingdom. Why had I lied?

“Oh, that’s what you mean,” Dawn replied, “I didn’t mean to assume your feelings, I was just making a hypothesis about Princess Celestia’s thoughts.”

Could Dawn be right? Was I antagonizing Jekyll just for attention?

“Tia, are you okay?” Luna asked as my world started to spin. My vision darkened and I felt the floor rise to meet me as I passed out.

“Bwahahahahahaha! Holy fucking shit on a hot pink pogo stick, she stopped breathing!” I laughed as Celestia hit the floor and her body sucked in the breath her mind had disallowed.

“Moon and stars Dawn, I think you might be on to something,” Luna gasped, “Shitfuck.”

“What?” Dawn managed through her confusion and concern for her preferred diarch.

“Jay, you have been telling the truth at least...right?” Luna confirmed as Dawn moved to Celestia’s side and tried to wake her.

“You know full well that I’d rather peel her skin off than say a kind word,” I deadpanned.

“Oh good, just making sure,” Luna replied.

“What?” Dawn repeated, a little louder this time.

“But that means she’ll be in competition with me again,” Luna sighed.

“Is this really worth wasting brain cells on?” I asked, shocking Luna out of her train of thought.

“No, I suppose it isn’t. Even if Tia decides to act, she can’t beat me in a competition I’ve already won. I finally beat her at something,” Luna replied, perking up.

“What in seventeen fucking oblivions are you talking about?!” Dawn roared, making Luna jump and causing me to tilt my head as I reevaluated the mare.

“You are a pony, that’s indisputable, but you don’t behave like one. Who and what are you really?” I asked neutrally, though barbed tendrils formed on my back and within my chest in case the royal advisor got violent.

“My name is Chained Dawn, former servant of your court,” Dawn spat.

“Chained?” Luna asked, “That doesn’t make sense.”

“It didn’t to me for a long time either, it was just my name. Then my fool husband got us wrapped up in things no pony should ever know about and….” Dawn began angrily before trailing off and looking away as she started to cry.

“He found a book, a book about summoning,” I guessed.

“Yes,” Dawn admitted.

“Incubus?” I guessed again.

“A pretty, at first anyway. The other ones came later.”

“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” Luna responded, bringing her hoof to her mouth.

“Shut up, I don’t need your pity,” Dawn snapped.

“You wouldn’t get it anyway, I don’t comfort liars,” I replied evenly, surprising Luna.

“What?” Celestia asked as she regained some consciousness.

“If you were a demon’s slave, you’d have visible scars. Magically inflicted scars don’t fade, I’ve seen enough to know that you’ve never been touched by even the most minor demon in Tartarus,” I elaborated, making Dawn bite her lip as I called her out, “I will give you some credit for knowing that Tartarus is mine though, that secret held for a long time.”

“Dawn, what’s going on?” Celestia asked as she picked herself up.

“She tried to seem more badass than she was by making up some story about being in Tartarus, but it takes more than that to fool my eyes,” I replied.

“Using their swears was a nice touch,” Luna added now that she had caught on.

“Dawn?” Celestia asked again.

“I’m sorry Princess, I was just trying to help,” Dawn apologized.

“Consider it forgotten, Chelly’s posturing is way worse,” I replied, sneaking in the jab out of habit.

“It’s fine, I’m sure you did your best to protect me after I was knocked out,” Celestia responded with a glare towards me.

“You weren’t knocked out Princess, you stopped breathing,” Dawn corrected, inadvertently shutting Celestia up.

“Consider it a gesture of good faith that I’m willing to forget what I just learned,” I offered, hoping to use my enemy’s pride to my advantage.

“Very well, I suppose this makes us...allies,” Celestia managed, almost choking on the word.

“Come the apocalypse,” I agreed.

“I suppose exchanging information would be a good place to start,” Luna suggested.

“Such as?” Dawn asked.

“Why oh why, dear sister mine, do you you have a crush on my husband?” Luna barely managed to ask through the laughter she was struggling to contain.

“I don’t….What….Is that really what’s important right now?” Celestia stumbled before her entire body froze and her pupils shrunk to pinpricks, “Did you say husband?”

“Alcohol was involved,” I explained, more in Luna’s defense.

“Give me a moment, I can’t think right now. You married that thing? How could you!? You knew I was meant to marry first. You knew it would negate my crown. When did you commit this treason?” Celestia demanded.

“Two days after I came back from the moon,” Luna revealed.

“I can’t...All this time?! You’ve been married for almost half a year and you haven’t claimed the title of queen? Why?” Celestia asked, her anger dissipating.

“The same reason I never killed you, you’re too damn good at running things when you aren’t chasing me around and starting wars in the process,” I allowed.

“My plot, if I was so good at my duties I wouldn’t…” Celestia snapped before trailing off weakly.

“Wouldn’t what sister?” Luna asked curiously as she approached the other alicorn.

Luna’s supportive hoof passed through empty air as a flash signaled Celestia’s retreat from the conversation, taking Dawn with her as well.

“Shit,” Luna swore, “I thought we were actually getting somewhere with her.”

“Abaddon, I want to know exactly where Chelly popped up within the hour. Get your long guns loaded as well, just in case she decided to be a dumbass and ignore my warning,” I ordered.

“Should I proceed to Canterlot?” Abaddon asked.

“No, we’d just tip off the rogues if Chelly actually managed to rub both of her brain cells together. Better to lay low and wait for now,” I replied.

“Do you think she’ll come back?” Luna asked, still focusing on her sister.

“She has to, we’re her only angle to play against the rogues,” I explained, “Chelly doesn’t fight if she can help it, and we’re her only chance to keep her precious little hoovsies clean.”

“Are you going to continue insulting my only blood relative every time you talk?” Luna deadpanned.

“Yes, I intend to keep slandering that demented bitch for a good while. Having to play nice for that long was like nails on a chalkboard and I’m still pissed,” I stated.

“Abby, could you open the door? I think a nice walk through town would help ease some tensions,” Luna requested with a firm stare in my direction.

“Alright, I guess some fresh air wouldn’t hurt. Not that Sunbutt would know, what with how freakishly pale she is.” I agreed.

“Really?” Luna asked, her voice devoid of emotion.

“Yes,” I declared.

“Then shut up, it’s getting annoying,” Luna ordered.

“Whatever,” I responded as the bay door opened and Abaddon crouched to let us off.

The walk through town was unusually quiet, the only sound being that of doors and windows closing. All it took was a shared look with Luna and we reached an unspoken, unanimous decision to start our investigation at the home of the most likely cause of the unusual behavior.

“Twilight, are you alright? Did something happen?” Luna asked through the door while I took up position next to her to watch for threats. I wasn’t anticipating one to come from inside the library.

“Quick, before it gobbles you up!” Pinkie cried as she yanked Luna right off her hooves and into the building before I could do anything. With no other appealing options, I simply entered the library normally through the unlocked door.

“What? How’d you do that?” Dash challenged as she saw me walk in.

“It was open,” I replied, causing more than one facehoof among the mares.

“How are we supposed to keep Zecora from eating us if we can’t even lock the door properly?” Rarity lamented, falling onto a sofa dramatically, “Oh woe, perhaps we shan’t survive this fright after all.”

I had been confused many times in my long life, but this had to be the absolute epitome of the feeling. All of this over Zecora, just the thought made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Not to mention that I actually did eat people and none of them were worried about me.

“Who’s Zecora?” Luna asked.

“Please don’t get them started again,” Twilight begged, “She’s just some hermit that wears a spooky cloak and wanders the town from time to time.”

“Why would you think she’ll eat you?” Luna pressed.

“Because she always comes from the Everfree, nothing good ever comes from there,” Pinkie asserted.

“I take offense to that,” I rebutted, deciding this was funny and keeping my interactions with the zebra to myself for the time being.

“I’m sure present company was excluded in her accusation dear,” Rarity placated.

“In any case, I’m going to speak to this Zecora and get to the truth of the matter,” Luna declared, marching towards the door despite Pinkie’s attempts to hold her back.

“Noooo, she’ll eat you up like hot sauce and cupcakes if you do that,” Pinkie insisted frantically.

“I very much doubt that, I can hold my own against Jay’s enforcers and I’ll have Jeff watching over me. I suspect Zecora will have a difficult time getting close enough for me to even consider defending myself,” Luna countered.

“I agree with Luna, we shouldn’t be hiding in here like scared fillies. We should be facing Zecora like the ponies we are. We faced Nightmare Moon bravely, why would this be any different?” Twilight challenged, drawing Pinkie’s attention long enough for Luna to slip away.

“But she’s really scary,” Pinkie whimpered.

“Because doctors are so scary,” I chuckled.

“Huh?” Dash asked.

“Zecora’s a friend, she’s a herbalist and is only here to buy and sell shit. She lives in the Everfree for the rare plants,” I revealed, making every jaw in the room drop.

“Dag nabbit Pinkie, why’d ya have ta go and get us all riled up over nothin’?” Applejack complained.

“I have a better question, why did Jekyll let us maintain our ignorance?” Rarity added, tossing me a light glare.

“Depends on how long this has been going on. I let you keep going today because it was funny, I didn’t know you lot were being weird about it before,” I replied easily.

“I guess that means Luna knew as well, no wonder she walked out there so confidently,” Twilight postulated.

“Nope, that’s just Lu,” I countered.

“Oh. So what do we do now?” Twilight continued.

“If you were decent ponies you’d let the rest of the town know that they can stop being stupid and go about your day, I’m gonna wander for a while,” I responded, allowing my voice to gain a serious edge.

“Yes, that would be the right thing to do,” Rarity agreed as she finally got off Twilight’s couch.

“Glad this was an easy one at least, no crazy bullshit space bears or anything,” I commented as I walked out and left them to correct their unintentionally bigoted behavior.

I didn’t happen across Luna nor Zecora as I wandered the streets, but a quick check with Jeff informed me that Luna had attempted to follow the zebra’s tracks back to her home to apologize for the town’s behavior. That section of the forest was one of the eighteen reserved for feeding my army so I didn’t bother assigning a guard to watch over my wife, there wasn’t anything bigger than a squirrel that could pass the perimeter before a Romeo snapped it up and turned it into fuel for my war machine.

They’d be fine.

“H-Hello? Can you hear me Mister Jekyll?” a voice asked, though I was alone on the street and couldn’t place where the voice was coming from.

“Who the fuck are you and how are you contacting me?” I asked cautiously. That is, I immediately bared my claws and got ready for a fight.

“Um, I’m David and I found your token. I’m talking to it in my universe. Your message said you could help with difficult problems and I thought-” David began.

“I’m not going to stand here and listen to your life story in the middle of the street. Give me a moment to get to my office and we can talk in person,” I interrupted, already getting bad vibes from this character. Either that or he was just an awful liar and was preparing to attack me as soon as he saw me, in which case he was cool in my book.

“Oh...uh, okay. My token is the leather jacket, you can use that to summon me. Oh, sorry, you probably didn’t need me to tell you that, I’ll shut up now,” David replied.

“This is actually my first contact with another displaced, all of my other knowledge comes from the pile of tokens in one of my storage rooms. I’ll summon you when I’m ready,” I corrected, genuinely grateful for the information.

True to his word, David kept quiet as I took flight back to Abaddon and fired off silent orders as quickly as I could the instant I landed. Everything would be ready by the time I reached the staging area, not that it would look like one by the time I got there.

I altered my form to appear more like a stereotypical warlord as I walked, adding the appearance of thick armor to my entire body and head. Black steel with countless dents and scratches around the equally countless sharp edges, obviously. By the time I reached my destination, I looked like a cross between a ringwraith and the guy from that Overlord game.

The staging area was equally twisted, with disguised enforcers ‘chained’ to the walls in all sorts of painful looking positions. I could tell the gryphon hanging by his toes was Tzu by the way he continuously passed his critical gaze over the others and corrected their positioning. I even had a trio of beaten and disfigured alicorns arranged around my chair. An eyeless and hornless Luna sat whimpering to the right while Celestia sat with an empty gaze and three legs to my left and Cadence was perfectly placed to use her clearly broken back as my footstool.

This would make one hell of an impression on anyone, it even disgusted me. Even Catrix had joined in on the act, as she was currently holding the indicated jacket as she waited patiently on the Celestia clone’s opposite side.

“Alright David, I’m in my office. How do I use this thing?” I asked, accepting the token and holding it away from me as I sat down and propped my feet up.

“You just hold it and say you want to summon me, that’s how I’ve always done it,” David replied.

“To the one identified as David, come now to my realm and speak your proposal,” I ordered, feeling the treated leather seem to quake in my grip as whatever otherworldly magics took effect.

I tossed the token back to Catrix as reality bent and a lone figure appeared in the false torture chamber. I noticed Catrix slip the bit of clothing around her bare shoulders before she walked behind my ‘throne’ and draped herself over both it and my shoulders to make me seem even more dominant in this world.

“You said your name was David, not Albert,” I challenged once I got a good look at the new arrival.

“I wasn’t even in costume when he got me, I just liked the style. How was I supposed to know some character from something or another wore the same kind of clothes?” David asserted, seeming more confident now that he could see me.

“Did you live under a rock? I didn’t even like Resident Evil and I know who Albert Wesker is and what he can do, the guy was in the movies and everything,” I countered.

“Well I didn’t, and now I’m stuck in some bullshit world with two bi...Jesus, what did you do to them?” David attempted before spotting the broken princesses around me and the sobbing one under my feet.

“The same thing I’ve done to all who’ve opposed me,” I replied, gesturing towards the other enforcers and their positions on the walls.

“This is too good to be true. Look, I don’t really have any powers, I can’t make zombies or shoot guns or whatever I’m supposed to be able to do. I need someone like you helping me if I’m going to get my revenge on those damn sisters, nopony laughs at David the great and lives. I have a full hundred kills already, I’m not a bucking joke,” David raved, seeming to enjoy his surrounding a little too much now that I had pointed them out.

“I see, and what would I get out of this?” I pressed, keeping up the appearance of being for hire. Internally, the decision was made. David would never leave this room alive.

“My world. I’m still aging, I’m not an immortal like all the others I’ve met. You can keep my world after I die,” David proposed.

“Hmm, I suppose the resources would be useful in building my empire if nothing else. Easy to get once the population is enslaved too,” I baited.

“This is too perfect,” David squeed, actually jumping in excitement. If this guy wasn’t a psychopath, he’d actually be pathetic enough to be endearing.

“Alright David Wesker, you have my support,” I declared as I stood and put enough pressure on the fake Cadence’s back to break it in another place. I extended my right hand to seal the deal and formed a third arm behind my back, one tipped with a spike gun.

As luck would have it, David was excited enough to grab my offered hand with both of his. This gave me the perfect chance to show my true colors as I pinned both of his hands with my left one and brought the weaponized arm up over my shoulder. David didn’t even have time to register what was happening before the launched spine pierced his sternum and carried his impaled body into the opposite wall, leaving him alive but several inches off the floor.

“I suppose I can clue you in now, I’m not a bastard like you. I don’t torture others for fun and I don’t kill over insults. I know my capabilities and limitations, so I set a trap for assholes like you. I claimed to be a conqueror to attract the real evil ones and kill them, and you blundered right into it. People like you make me sick to the point that I’m glad I’m not human anymore. I don’t want to share your species, I don’t want your taint on my genome,” I taunted as I shed my disguise and gestured for my enforcers to do the same.

“Hypocrite, I see the look of a killer in your eyes. You’re no better than me,” David accused as my enforcers closed in around us. I had to give him credit, he could take a hit and keep on talking. It honestly surprised me that he could talk at all with his ribs as messed up as they were.

“Maybe I am, maybe I don’t give a fuck. Sure, I’ve killed a lot of people. Tens of thousands of them in fact, but every single one of them was necessary. I’ll kill one to save a hundred any day of the week. But you’re just a nobody with a Napoleon complex and the lack of self respect to ask others to kill for you,” I berated angrily, feeling saddened by this monster’s very existence. I’d seen his type here and on Earth, and they always left me feeling disappointed in their species. At least I could make this one right, “But you’ve never actually seen what that looks like have you? Perhaps a demonstration would help?”

“Oh god, oh no. Please, no,” David begged weakly as he soiled himself and my children bared their teeth eagerly.

“Fuck you. Make it slow but don’t eat him, I don’t want any of you corrupted by his bullshit,” I commanded, prompting my children to swarm on the screaming human with no hint of remorse or hesitation. I felt nothing as I walked out with Catrix and left the false torture chamber turned real one in my wake.

“Nice acting Jay,” Catrix complemented once we were far enough away to speak comfortably over the distant screams.

“Not so bad yourself, really sold the all conquering thing,” I replied.

“Heh, you know a succubus slave is what every male secretly wants. It’s practically required to even claim the title of ‘World Conqueror’,” Catrix boasted.

“Gee if only I had one of those, oh wait,” I teased, receiving a punch to my shoulder.

“Whatever, we both know you don’t give a fuck unless I ask nicely,” Catrix countered, “Or at least you did before you went and got hitched without even inviting me.”

“Sorry about that, I was really drunk,” I apologized.

“I know, and I’ll forgive you as soon as you talk Luna into a proper three way,” Catrix replied in a way that left me wondering just how serious she was.

“The fuck?” I asked.

“Look, the freedom is nice but I don’t get the same thrill as I get from wearing your resolve down over the course of years,” Catrix confessed.

“I’m not saying anything. You’ll get your wish when and if Luna decides to ask for it,” I stated firmly, making sure Catrix understood I wouldn’t be budging on that point.

“Alright fine, but you be sure to let me know the next time you need to entertain one of your guests,” Catrix compromised.

“I wouldn’t dream of keeping you out of my schemes,” I agreed as we passed Catrix’s door and she stopped to head inside.

“See you later Jay, this was fun,” Catrix bid as she entered her room.

“See ya,” I replied with a wave before stopping at my own door and heading inside to wait for Luna to turn up with tales of her adventures.

I took the opportunity to immerse myself in the goings on of my forces and see precisely how they disposed of the displaced. I didn’t need to be hooked into Abaddon’s senses to feel the cannon shot that signaled David’s high speed burial, if you could call the explosion of viscera and bones that occurred when the pile of severed chunks slammed into a boulder in the forest a burial. Good riddance.

It occurred to me that I had killed a human and felt nothing, a thought that concerned me and made me wonder just how human I still was. Was I just as insane as that psycho, just more stable? I’d be keeping an eye on myself for sure after that, and talking to Luna about it. Just had to wait for her to finish her undoubtedly engaging conversation with Zecora.

While I wasn’t particularly fond of taking such a direct role in the management of the enforcers, it did give me the opportunity to catch up on the goings on around the world. For better or worse. The repeated communications from that unknown rogue were starting to scare some of the lower ranked enforcers in India division, for example. But what caught my attention and held it the longest was discovering that the unknown creature from Brismane had actually killed one of the Romeos that had been searching for it.

This troubled me, I sympathized with the creature but I was also unwilling to risk either my troops or the civilians in my efforts to make peace. After some deliberation, I decided to restructure the search parties into squads instead of individuals. The search would go much slower, but the increase in safety would make up for it.

It wasn’t until late the next morning when Luna finally returned, though she got Abaddon to hide her approach and wouldn’t come into our room.

“Jay, I have a problem and I don’t know what to do,” Luna began, speaking through the door. I hadn’t pushed Abaddon for information when he relayed that Luna didn’t want me to see her until she was ready, so I didn’t know what was going on.

“You can start by telling me what happened, that’ll probably help,” I suggested.

“I don’t know what happened, that’s the problem. I got lost on my way to Zecora’s and ended up falling asleep in the forest, when I woke up I...uh...I don’t know how to say this,” Luna attempted, faltering when it came time to describe what was wrong.

“If it’s parasites, I can handle those easily enough,” I offered, going down the incredibly long list of possible conditions Luna could be suffering from.

“I don’t think I have any parasites,” Luna began before mumbling, “Not sure I can have parasites right now anyway.”

“Just open the door so I can see what’s wrong, I swear I won’t judge you,” I promised.

“Somehow I doubt that,” Luna grumbled as she pushed the door open and walked inside.

“Interesting,” I commented.

This was a stupid idea. I should’ve just gone back to Jay and pestered him into walking me to Zecora’s home. He obviously knew her, she was living in his forest. Though that line of thought gave me a new idea.

“Hey, I could use a little help here!” I called, expecting the squad of enforcers I no doubt had following me to appear and guide me to my destination. I was sure Jay had assigned some, the Everfree was just considered deadly at the best of times for the most prepared. But I had no supplies, no view of the sky through the thick canopy, and no clue where I was.

I never got a response. I hoped it was just Jay playing a trick on me, that he was stalking me himself and waiting for me to learn some lesson or prove something before he casually walked up and made everything better.

I wandered for hours, never seeing anything larger than a squirrel or rabbit. None of them turned out to be enforcers either.

Twice I tried to force my way through the trees and fly home, both times ended in failure as the ensnaring branches seemed to ignore my magic and push me back to the ground. It seemed the Everfree itself wanted me here.

I noticed my vision losing some vibrancy and realized that it was getting dark, I’d either need to find Zecora soon or start looking for somewhere safe to bed down for the night. A rumble in my belly chose that moment to remind me of another need I had been neglecting.

“This is a fine situation you’ve gotten yourself into Luna, lost in the Everfree forest with no clear way out or a hint as to where you’re going. Maybe if you had bothered to get your armor before blundering in here you’d be able to escape. But noooo, you just had to run off right away,” I berated myself as I looked for something edible.

The trees finally opened into a covered clearing, maintaining my imprisonment but affording me some potential food as the field was covered in flowers. I made sure to check them over for poisons before licking the first one, finding it surprisingly tasty. I snacked on these convenient flowers until I was full and decided this was as good a place as any to sleep for the night, I’d set a fire or something tomorrow and get out of this wretched place.

My improvised bed left much to be desired when compared to the one I had aboard Abaddon, but it would have to do. At least that impossibly thick canopy would keep the rain off of me.

I managed to drift off to sleep after a couple hours of lying there worrying about my situation, my dreams plagued with nightmares of various monsters attacking me in the night and tearing me apart only to put me back together for the next one to savage all over again.

“Testing your resistances Jay? Or have you lost your way? You know of Poison Joke and how dangerous it is to poke. What possessed you to to roll and rest...You are not Jekyll before me, who is this new creature I see?” a strange voice asked, rousing me from my troubled sleep and causing me to scramble to my hooves and fall onto my face when I discovered I no longer had hooves.

“Wha-What happened to me?” I asked in fear as I brought my forelegs up to my face and realized they were arms now.

“Poison Joke plays tricks on those who wander in thick. They are changed in body not mind, to something it thinks will be benign,” the voice replied, easing my fears and prompting me to sit up the way Jay did so I could see who I was talking to. At the edge of the clearing stood a lone zebra wearing a pair of saddle bags overflowing with various herbs.

“You must be Zecora, I came out here looking for you. I wanted to apologize for the way Ponyville has treated you and to promise that you’d be welcome there from now on. I wasn’t expecting to turn into this in the process though, that’s a new one,” I commented in zebrican, making Zecora’s eyes widen as she recognized the dialect.

“I recognize the old tongue; but among those who can speak it, I am not one,” Zecora confessed.

“The old tongue? It was just called zebrican when I learned it as a filly,” I replied on reflex.

“You must be a princess to that time bear witness. Be you the mare of the moon who returned just soon?” Zecora asked.

“Most just call me Luna these days, or at least they did before I became this,” I responded with a dejected look at my new hands.

“Poison Joke need not cause strife, there exists a cure to undo this life. Give me hours three, then meet me in my home within the tree,” Zecora instructed.

“I came out here to help you and ended up needing your help, thank you. What I said before was that I’d make sure you were welcome in Ponyville from now on,” I replied, my spirits lifted somewhat.

“I trust the truth is what you speak, but sense there is something else you seek,” Zecora pointed out.

“You’re a shaman, the rhyming gives that much away. In the times before I was banished it was the shamans who were tasked with keeping the martial secrets of the tribes and teaching the next generation. I would’ve asked you to teach me some of these skills, but I think it would be too much to ask considering you’ve already promised to give me back my body,” I explained sheepishly.

“You do not seek any fight, I pity you this plight. My knowledge is hoarded yes, but an eager student may pry it from my chest. If you ask nicely,” Zecora agreed with a smirk, making me jump slightly as she dropped the rhyming and accepted me as a student in the same statement. I knew what that gesture meant, she was serious about being my teacher and wanted to know for sure that I understood every word she said.

“When do we start?” I asked, smiling now that I had a new combat instructor to fill in any gaps Jay left in my training.

“We’ll begin the day after you finish your current lessons,” Zecora replied, making my eyes widen in surprise, “Oh don’t give me that, I get regular updates from the enforcers who hunt these woods. I know exactly who you are and who’s teaching you the ways of the world. I also know he’s been leaving me things to teach because he knows I’m better at teaching them than he is. Go back to your husband for now and learn the basics so I don’t have to waste my time on them, then come back here for the real techniques.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” I agreed with a determined nod.

“Then you’re either a fool or that body is already getting to your head, you’re going to hate every hair in my mane by the end of the first week. My previous students did, and they made sure I knew it,” Zecora laughed as she turned to walk away and left me to awkwardly crawl after her.

“Wait, I don’t know how to walk and I’m still lost,” I cried as I struggled to follow the zebra.

“Then your first lesson is about willpower, learn to walk,” Zecora ordered as she disappeared into the trees.

“Fuck!” I swore, rolling onto my back to think.

I’d seen Jay get up from this position countless times, but he’d done it so many ways that I didn’t know what I was actually capable of replicating without his mastery over his form. I started with what appeared to be the simplest, placing the bottoms of my feet on the ground and trying to stand. All this accomplished was pushing my hips into the air before my back slid across the foliage covered ground and I was back in the same position as before.

With that in mind, I tried bringing my hands into the equation. By bracing my upper body with my arms, I was able to get my legs under me and lift myself into a standing position. Until I tried to take a step and lost my balance, then I was face down in the Poison Joke again.

Now that I knew how to stand up, I just had to work out how to take my first steps as a biped. I counted my lucky stars that my constant falling didn’t hurt, but it was still over an hour before I managed to take a single step without tipping over.

“Huzzah! Gravity, your power over me weakens,” I cheered, “Now I just need to know where to go.”

“You’re facing the town right now, go straight,” a hidden figure replied.

“Where were you lot when I was lost last night?” I asked angrily.

“Either busy with our assigned tasks or placing bets on how long it would take before you teleported home,” the enforcer answered easily, making me bring a hand to my face with an audible slap. I was a complete dumbass, I could’ve left at any point.

“Who won?” I groaned.

“I did, you gained me a great deal of fresh meat last night,” the enforcer answered with a short laugh.

“Glad I was good for something last night,” I deadpanned, “You said straight ahead? I trust you’ll repay me by helping me get out of here?”

“Sure, I need to head back anyway,” the enforcer agreed, finally revealing a feminine form as she emerged from the side of a tree.

“Why the male voice? What’s your name anyway?” I asked idly as we set off, the enforcer much more confidently than myself.

“Helps me fly under the radar among my brothers and sisters when I don’t want to be noticed, Lord Jekyll had his shy moments growing up and I got a lot of those traits. Romeo Two-Five at your service ma’am, I’m one of the oldest and predate the birthing pods that the later generations came from,” Two-Five replied.

“There are so many questions I have now,” I commented, “He used to be shy? Then how were you created? Why are you a Romeo if you’re older than the others?”

“Slow down mistress, I can’t answer them all at once and still be understandable. Everyone has times in their life when they’re feeling anxious about being in public, there’s nothing unusual about that. I was torn directly out of Lord Jekyll’s body, a very painful experience for both of us. I’m in Romeo division so I can keep an eye on the dunderheads that can’t pick a profession or have low aptitudes, I actually turned down a position in India division to keep this job. I enjoy coasting through life without anyone remembering I exist,” Two-Five explained.

“Kinda messed that up, I know you now,” I pointed out.

“Sure, but I don’t think you’d mess that up for me. I see that same apprehension in you and figure you’ll appreciate having the most forgotten grain of sand on the beach as someone to talk to,” Two-Five countered, her speech unwavering as she caught me and helped me past the root I had tripped over.

“Thanks, walking on two legs is hard,” I replied as I steadied myself and set off again.

“You could shift some mass a little lower, your center of gravity is pretty high,” Two-Five suggested.

“I have no idea how to do that and I’m not certain I should, Zecora will be able to change me back later and I don’t want anything out of place,” I rebutted.

“Makes sense to me, but you’re still top heavy and that’s going to be a problem. Look at my breasts, they sit nice and flat against my chest while still giving me enough bust to let anyone know what I prefer to be called. These things you’re packing could be used as weapons if you ever got your balance sorted out, I mean damn,” Two-Five ribbed, poking one of the lumps in question.

“H-Hey, I don’t think that’s appropriate,” I protested.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. The one time I try to be social and I make an ass out of myself, typical,” Two-Five apologized as she pulled away and tried to disappear back into the trees.

“Wait, it’s alright,” I stammered as I desperately grabbed at the enforcer. Without her I’d be lost and alone all over again.

“You don’t really want me around, you just need me to show you the way out,” Two-Five accused sadly as she continued pulling herself into the darkness, though my grip on her arm and waist kept her from vanishing entirely.

“I do need your help, but I’m not as shallow as you think. You caught me off guard but that doesn’t mean I want you to go, I think we could be lasting friends if you stuck around,” I rebutted.

“You really mean thaaaaah-oof,” Two-Five managed before I lost my balance and fell over, taking the enforcer with me and ending up with both of us in a tangle of limbs.

“Two-Five?” I began, not trusting my body to get out of this mess.

“Yes?” Two-Five asked.

“You need a real name, let’s come up with one as soon as you get off of me,” I proposed, adding a bit more emphasis on the latter part of my statement.

“Sorry,” Two-Five apologized again as she easily disentangled her arms and legs before helping me up.

“Much better. Now don’t run off like that, alright?” I chided gently, as though I was dealing with an upset foal instead of a several hundred year old killing machine.

“Alright,” Two-Five grudgingly agreed, “You really think I should have a real name? I admit that I’ve thought about it a few times, what kind I’d want and so on.”

“What did you have in mind?” I asked encouragingly, feeling like I’d need to boost this enforcer’s confidence if I was going to have any hope of making it home.

“A pony name, that’s pretty much a given. Pony names are just adorable. What do you think of Hidden Veil? Like the cloth, but it fits because I live in the woods where there are vales...that are hidden...oh god I feel stupid…” Two-Five began eagerly before faltering and going quiet. I nearly tipped us both over again holding the enforcer and keeping her from fleeing the exchange.

“I...like...it,” I grunted as I struggled to keep the squirrely enforcer where I could see her.

“You do?” Veil confirmed, abruptly halting her struggles and causing me to fall over once more.

“Hello ground, it’s good to see you again,” I greeted sarcastically, “Yes, I like the name.”

“So I can be Hidden Veil? Rumor has it that Lord Jekyll said you could name us,” Veil asked as I lifted myself and repeated the annoyingly complex actions involved with standing.

“That’s right Veil, you have a name now,” I clarified, finding all of my hard work undone in an instant when Veil tackled me in her excitement, “Did you miss me ground?”

“Sorry,” Veil apologized again.

“It’s alright, I’m just starting to get tired of this body and the whole two legs thing. It just feels unnatural,” I complained.

“You could lean on me for balance,” Veil offered, extending a hand to help me up.

I accepted her offer and her hand only to be lifted completely off my feet and deposited onto Veil’s back, “This isn’t what leaning means!”

“Changed my mind, this is faster,” Veil replied as she took off running, leaving me to hold onto whatever I could to avoid falling off.

“Veil, I don’t think this is safe!” I called over the sound of the trees screaming past us.

“Don’t worry, we could collide with one of these trees and be fine!” Veil rebutted, “We’re also eight miles from home and it’d take days to get there at the pace we were making before, this is much faster!”

“Wait, you say that like you’ve crashed-” I managed before Veil lost her footing and we careened into a particularly large tree hard enough to knock it out of the ground entirely and send it flying into more of its kin.

For my part, I managed to keep from panicking as I flew through the air before transitioning into an uncontrolled tumble and slamming into yet another tree.

“Damnit Veil, couldn’t we just fly there?” I snapped, getting no answer. I noticed there was still something in my left hand and held it up to see what I had held onto, finding a large chunk of Veil’s neck in my grasp. At least there was for a good second before tendrils popped out of my hand and absorbed the biomass, freaking me right out.

My screams of terror and disgust brought the rest of Veil to my side in an instant, her mouth trying to speak even as the gaping hole in her neck healed before my eyes. She paused once she recognized that I couldn’t understand her and waited for her ability to speak to return before trying to utilize it once more, “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

“I-I ate part of you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do it,” I apologized frantically.

“Don’t worry about it, we do that all the time. That’s even how we feed Abaddon,” Veil explained, easing some of my fears.

“But now I’m different, what’ll that mean when I change back?” I pressed, beginning to properly panic.

“Let’s get you up and I’ll see where that mass decided to make a home,” Veil proposed as she lifted me onto my feet and walked a circle around me, “I’m really dense, so you got a lot more than it probably looked like to you. You filled out a fair bit on the arms and legs, I’d expect some extra muscle when you turn back into a pony. The rest...my word, it’s beautiful.”

“Nothing ba-eeek!” I screeched, feeling a sharp strike to my hindquarters and jumping into the canopy in surprise.

“Damn, I was hoping for a nice jiggle. You had one hell of a firm ass before didn’t you?” Veil guessed.

“This is so far beyond inappropriate, I’m happily married and I’m not a fillyfooler,” I snapped.

“I’m not attracted to you either, but word gets around and I thought…I thought you’d like me more if I mimicked Catrix a little. You’re friends with her after all,” Veil confessed quietly.

“This isn’t how you normally act?” I confirmed suspiciously as I searched for a way down from the high branches I had ended up in.

“No, it’s been really hard to keep this going. I thought I was really making progress when you grabbed my breast, like we were becoming closer. But it’s just biomass, it doesn’t mean anything, I know that as well as anyone,” Veil continued.

“I did what now? I don’t remember doing that,” I challenged.

“When I was running you grabbed my breast and held onto it while your other hand grabbed my neck. That kind of hold is really intimate back on Lord Jekyll’s world and I thought you were making a point. I guess it was an accident, another stupid mistake on my part,” Veil elaborated sadly.

“Veil, listen to me now. We’re friends, it’s official. You don’t need to worry about any of that stuff because friends forgive each other, so consider all of your Catrix inspired actions forgotten. We’re good, just two bioform friends heading home after a night in the forest. Can you think that way for me Veil?” I instructed.

“Yeah-Yeah I can do that. Didn’t you say something about breaking through the canopy and flying back? That sounds like a great idea. But you’re going to need to cut away the branches because I won’t fit with my wings extended,” Veil replied after a moment’s hesitation.

“I don’t know how to do that,” I admitted, looking at my clawless hands.

“It’s super easy, just imagine claws on the ends of your fingers and focus your willpower into moving the flesh. I could do it right after I was created, but it took a long time. It’s gotten a lot easier since then thanks to all the practice I’ve gotten,” Veil instructed.

“Jay does this so easily,” I commented as I focused everything I had on altering my hands.

“Lord Jekyll has shifted several thousands of times as much as I have, it’s as natural to him as breathing would be to you if you still did that,” Veil replied.

“Huzzah!” I cheered as my fingers broke apart and rebuilt themselves as long serrated claws.

“Gee, I wonder where you got that design,” Veil teased, referencing how similar my claws were to Jay’s.

“Whatever works,” I replied as I easily slashed through the thick branches around me and carved a hole in the canopy large enough for us to fit through.

“I’m gonna jump now, get ready for me to grab you as I pass,” Veil warned as she crouched.

I made sure I wasn’t caught on anything and held out my clawed hands for my friend to pull me up by before signaling for her to jump. Everything seemed to go perfectly until my neck caught a branch I had neglected and ripped me from Veil’s arms to crash back into the hard soil below.

“I think I hate this forest,” I groaned as Veil dropped back down to retrieve me from my small crater.

“You are hitting every branch on both the proverbial and physical trees,” Veil agreed as she helped me up for what I hoped would be the final time, “Okay, round two. You ready?”

I hugged myself to the enforcer as tightly as possible before nodding into her chest and hoping for the best. I felt the ground disappear from under my feet and wrapped those around my savior as well, using them to help brace against the abrupt change in direction when Veil’s wings shot open and we began to actually fly.

Flying was no longer a fun exercise, rather it was a terrifying strain on my mind as image after image of me falling to my doom played through my mind. I really missed my wings.

“You okay down there?” Veil asked after a while.

“Too scary, this is way too scary. I really want my wings back now,” I rambled in reply.

“Ouch, without your natural magic or our stolen substitute you wouldn’t be able to fly even if you replicated them. Combine that with your unwillingness to consume any more biomass and you’re pretty much screwed until you can turn back to normal,” Veil agreed, doing nothing at all to ease my fears.

“Good news, I need good news,” I demanded desperately.

“I can see Abaddon, we should be there in about a minute or so,” Veil revealed, giving me a whole new list of fears.

“Shit shit shit, I need you to put me down before we get there and keep Abby from telling Jay what I’ve become. If he sees me like this before I get a chance to talk to him he’ll assume I’m a rogue and kill me. Abby has to keep my appearance a secret long enough for me to get a word in and explain what happened,” I ordered as my mind reeled in terror.

“In all technicality, you are a rogue. You aren’t under Lord Jekyll’s direct control or beholden to any of his rules or laws, that makes you a rogue bioform. My word and reputation should be more than enough to keep Abaddon from swatting you out of the sky though, so there’s that,” Veil continued, setting a record for the most unhelpful or reassuring person I had met in my long life.

“You know that thing where doctors lie to their patients to keep their spirits up when they’re going to die?”

“Bedside manner?”

“Yeah, you suck at that.”

“It’ll be fine, just let me touch down on the canopy and drop you off. You’ll see,” Veil promised as she tilted down a little too far.

“Veil, ease up,” I warned, but it was too late to correct our trajectory.

One loud and environmentally damaging reunion with the ground later, Veil limped off to secure my entry into my home while I moved to a position just inside the treeline to watch and wait.

“Today sucked,” I commented to no one as I spied Veil flying back down to meet me.

“Okay, so it looks like Lord Jekyll believes me and has allowed Abaddon to hide you. He doesn’t know what’s happened but I let slip that you weren’t happy with how things went in the forest, he probably thinks you’re covered in muck and are feeling embarrassed by it. Let’s go before one of them changes their mind,” Veil urged as she looped around behind me and lifted me from under my arms.

“What is it with you and my breasts?” I griped as I was bodily carried onto the deck.

“That wasn’t actually intentional, sorry,” Veil apologized as she set me down.

“It’s all biomass right?” I joked gratefully as I waved and set off to let my husband know what kind of mess I had found myself in.

I paused at the door and hesitated before speaking through the door, feeling like a coward for doing so but I also didn’t see a better way to tell my side of the story, “Jay, I have a problem and I don’t know what to do.”

“You can start by telling me what happened, that’ll probably help,” Jay suggested, making me cheer internally that he did believe it was me speaking to him.

“I don’t know what happened, that’s the problem. I got lost on my way to Zecora’s and ended up falling asleep in the forest, when I woke up I...uh...I don’t know how to say this,” I attempted, forgetting the name of the plant that had done this to me and wondering why I hadn’t gotten Jay’s memory along with his biology.

“If it’s parasites, I can handle those easily enough,” Jay offered, making me cradle my head and wonder what the fuck had gone wrong in my life. My body actually hurt from how stupid that possibility sounded when compared to the life ruining implications of what had happened to me.

“I don’t think I have any parasites,” I began before realizing I should probably drop a hint to make this easier and mumbling, “Not sure I can have parasites right now anyway.”

“Just open the door so I can see what’s wrong, I swear I won’t judge you,” Jay promised.

“Somehow I doubt that,” I grumbled. This was it, moment of truth. I took a deep breath and steeled myself as she pushed the door open and walked inside, expecting to feel myself being torn apart the instant I made eye contact with the room’s other occupant.

“Interesting,” Jay commented, his curious but non-hostile response hitting me like a punch to the gut.

“That’s all you have to say? Not, ‘who are you and where’s Luna’? Not ‘I’m gonna rip you apart for what you did to her’? Just ‘interesting’?” I challenged before slapping myself to cut off my self damaging words.

“You smell the same, but with a hint of a certain flower that pranks it’s victims. I know it’s you Luna,” Jay explained, slaughtering my fears instead of me.

I had never been tackled by another of my kind, nor had that assailant violently kissed me while holding my head still with razor sharp claws. The whole thing gave me mixed messages that made me laugh internally at how ridiculous this had gotten in so short a time.

Of all the times Luna had gotten overwhelmed by her emotions and kissed me, this one was fundamentally different in that she wouldn’t need to breathe. We laid there with our lips locked and tongues writhing for hours before Luna finally pulled away with a much more relaxed look on her face.

“I needed that, the past couple of days have been awful,” Luna sighed contentedly.

“I bet, it took me weeks to get comfortable with my new body. But why didn’t you just teleport back when you got lost?” I asked.

“I-I didn’t think of it,” Luna confessed, “Please don’t push it, I feel stupid enough already.”

“I know the feeling, hindsight is a bitch,” I replied with an understanding nod.

“Romeo Two-Five had to walk me out, but that wasn’t so bad. She’s a curious sort isn’t she?” Luna continued.

“Yeah, she tries really hard to go unnoticed but still pops up to sort out her division’s messes. She’s just about her own person at this point, I’ve been waiting for her to pick a name before setting her loose,” I revealed, feeling little other than pride at just how unique the enforcer in question was.

“Hidden Veil, spelled like the cloth. She picked it about an hour ago,” Luna replied.

“It fits her, such a quiet thing,” I mused.

“Heh, not with me. She about broke herself trying to be more like Catrix so I’d like her,” Luna chuckled, “She even touched me a couple times. Though it wasn’t anything too crazy, just some poking and a slap.”

“Really? I never figured her for the type to get violent,” I challenged.

“Not violent, per se, more like I accidentally ate part of her and she spanked me to see if my butt would jiggle. I jumped so high I got tangled in the canopy,” Luna laughed, however this caused me to lose all of my humor and push Luna up by her shoulders.

“You’ve taken in biomass?” I confirmed, now worried about what that would mean when Luna changed back.

“I know, it was an accident. There was a crash and I held on too tight and a piece of Veil was still in my hand and then it was gone,” Luna rambled, her voice retaining its former cheer even though her eyes showed the same fear I felt.

“This complicates everything, what did it do to you at that moment?” I pressed.

“My arms and legs filled out and my backside got a bit bigger according to Veil,” Luna answered.

“Best case scenario that transfers onto your normal body, worst case is that it doesn’t change at all and the Blacklight in your body eats you alive in seconds. Or it prevents the cure from working and leaves you like this forever, take your pick on which is worse,” I predicted sourly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose,” Luna apologized.

“Why are you apologizing to me? It’s your body and life that are being fucked with, I’m just trying to figure out what’s most likely to happen so we can plan around it,” I snapped with unintended anger that made Luna flinch, “Sorry, I’ve never had to deal with this kind of shit before. I don’t have the first clue about what the fuck we’re supposed to do.”

“Zecora should have the cure ready by now, I guess we should head there and hope for the best,” Luna sighed, "But this Poison Joke is new to me, where did it come from?"

"I have no idea, I noticed it popping up not too long after I got here. It's not from my world, I just thought it was a seasonal flower until Sig warned me away," I replied as best I could.

"But how did she know?" Luna continued.

"Rumors and afflicted ponies in town talking about how these new flowers were the cause of their problems. Didn't stop the rest of the town from hanging them though," I explained grimly.

"They must've been trying to prevent it from spreading," Luna guessed somberly, "I want this gone even more now."

“I think we need a pick-me-up first, magic like this might be affected by emotions. If Poison Joke works off of a deep seated desire then the cure might as well,” I hypothesized, recalling what little I had been told about the weed.

“That’s how it works? And you didn’t ask why I’d want to be like this?” Luna asked, distracted by the detail.

“I already know why, no sense in asking,” I replied with a shrug, “Now as for how to cheer-”

“You know why I thought about being like you? How? What?” Luna interrupted.

“You said a long time ago that you admire my strength and you seem to feed off of my lack of fear, it’s normal to want those for yourself,” I responded, “As I was saying-”

“That’s not why. I thought about being like you so I could see how your kind mates,” Luna interrupted again.

“They don’t, I’ve been faking it for your sake. I say we call in Chelly and laugh at-” I attempted, getting farther this time.

“You don’t find me attractive?” Luna asked, her shoulders drooping sadly as she jumped to conclusions.

“I found you attractive before, a different body wouldn’t change anything in my eyes,” I deadpanned, inwardly wondering where this was supposed to be going.

“So we can still have sex even if I can’t turn back into a pony? I don’t think I’d be able to live as one of your kind without that reminder that I’m wanted and loved,” Luna replied as she pulled herself back towards me and snuggled against my chest.

“Poison Joke doesn’t affect the victim’s mind, so you’d need someone who didn’t care what you looked like,” I reasoned, “All of my large scale plans would be ruined though, they depend on you and your magic. Not a big deal really, just means I don’t get to kill your sister at the end.”

“You wouldn’t anyway, you wuv her,” Luna teased, actually managing a chuckle at my perceived joke.

“Speaking of Chelly, what would you say to calling her in and laughing at her reaction to your new look?” I proposed, ignoring the joking accusation of a relationship with Celestia.

“That does sound funny, but we just spoke to her yesterday and I think this might damage our alliance,” Luna reasoned.

“Fair enough, but we could have Twilight send a letter explaining the situation and include a photo,” I amended, getting an evil grin out of the former alicorn.

“A thousand bits says we’ll hear her scream from here,” Luna wagered as she struggled to her feet.

“Hold up, have you been having problems walking like that all day?” I asked.

“Ground and I are on a first name basis now,” Luna replied.

“That’s ridiculous, why didn’t you say something earlier?” I chuckled as I grabbed Luna’s head and copied all of my knowledge and memories of walking and shifting onto Luna’s mind.

“Woah, that felt really weird,” Luna complained as she staggered back but maintained her balance, “Hey, I didn’t fall!”

“Yeah, that should be almost impossible now,” I replied as I closed the distance and pushed Luna towards the far side of the room. Though she slid across the floor, she never even swayed.

“Incredible, but what was that other thing you did?” Luna asked.

“How about you look in a mirror? You won’t be able to do it without looking just yet, but you shouldn’t have too hard a time fixing your looks,” I countered as a section of the wall flattened out and shifted to become reflective. Evidently Abaddon had been listening.

“Moon and stars, I’m hide-what’s going on?” Luna attempted as she saw herself change right before her eyes. Her skin went from my usual jet black in color to to a pinkish gray before midnight blue fur grew over her entire body, her eyes changed from my natural red with black sclera to her usual blue on white coloration. Luna’s horn sprouted from her forehead and her elegant wings sprouted from her shoulders. Even the shape of her head was altered as Luna’s exterior changed to match how she viewed herself.

“Your body and mind saw different things. Now that they can see each other, they’re finding a compromise,” I replied as I walked behind my wife and dug my fingers into her shoulders to massage away some of her worries. A pointless gesture, but I knew she’d appreciate it and feel some comfort anyway.

“Maybe that compromise will include losing some of this weight on my chest, it’s awkward to walk when I’m this top heavy,” Luna hinted, finding that her wish was granted immediately.

“They weren’t that big, just more than you were used to and positioned differently. I’d wager that was proportional to your normal body when compared to other ponies,” I pointed out.

“My teats are perfectly average for my body size thank you very much,” Luna replied warningly.

“And if you compared them to another mare without that context?” I pressed.

“They’d be massive. Damn it,” Luna conceded, “I wonder what else this body messed up?”

“You said consuming part of Veil added to your backside, aren’t you going to adjust that to fit your new shape?” I assumed.

“And lose my sexy rump? No way, just look at how it swings when I walk,” Luna refuted as she strutted away while looking over her shoulder at me.

“It’s not swinging at all, you need some flab to do that. You’re all muscle and bone normally and that transferred too, you’ll have to convert some of it to fat if you want an ass that moves when you walk,” I noted, getting a pout in response before Luna returned to the mirror and stared at her backside.

“Okay, try it now,” Luna ordered after nearly a minute of staring at her ass in the mirror.

“Try what?” I asked, apparently missing that memo.

“Spank it and see if it has enough jiggle,” Luna clarified.

“This has been funny and all but shouldn’t we be pranking your sister and seeing if we’ll be dealing with this for the rest of our lives?” I interjected.

“After I get my body the way I want,” Luna insisted, “Tia’s been so fucking proud of her butt for too long, now I’ll be the sister with the perfect flanks even if it takes me years of looking at myself in the mirror like some kind of nutcase.”

“Wow, didn’t mean to strike a nerve there,” I apologized defensively, caught off guard by the venom in Luna’s voice.

“Look at the accident with her freak teats, they came in a little early, and her flat flanks, isn’t she just hilarious?” Luna asked in a mocking impression of what I could only assume was a young Celestia. Luna barked a cruel laugh as though stuck in the memory until I finally relented and brought my hand down on her butt hard enough to make the targeted cheek ripple for several seconds and bounce for almost as long.

“You okay?” I asked as I saw the bloody tears running down Luna’s face.

“It’s everything I ever wanted, I feel more normal now than ever before. Can’t I stay like this forever? We could get the cure from Zecora and save it for when I really need to be a pony, while letting me stay like this in the meantime,” Luna proposed.

“Do you know why I keep the enforcers on such a short leash?” I asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

“You don’t trust them,” Luna replied.

“Close, I don’t trust anyone. I can’t trust anyone with my abilities to keep from going mad with power, it’s a damn miracle I didn’t. We both know how destructive one Blacklight creature can be, can you really say adding one more into the mix is a good thing?” I challenged.

“Much less one with a history of mental issues,” Luna added sadly, “I understand. At least I can go have another jaunt through the Poison Joke if I need to feel pretty.”

“I’ll make sure we have plenty of the cure on hand,” I allowed, “But only if you promise to save that privilege for emergencies and special occasions.”

“Thank you thank you thank you!” Luna cheered as she jumped into my arms and kissed me several times before rearing back and biting deep into my shoulder, “Woah, sorry, I don’t know why I did that.”

“Welcome to having predator instincts,” I replied as Luna climbed off of me and looked away bashfully, “You about ready for our prank?”

“Yeah, I think I’m done,” Luna agreed with one last look at the mirror.

“Great, you should be able to return to this form whenever you want now. I’m going to see if I can heighten Chelly’s reaction by molding you, not totally sure if I can but it should be interesting if I can get it to work,” I responded as I grabbed Luna’s left wing and retracted all of the feathers, “Looks like I can, this is gonna be fun.”

I took Luna’s featherless wing and recolored it to look more skeletal while also having her grow long spines that would hang down from the normal bone structure and replicate the wing’s typical shape. With that done I shifted my focus to Luna’s controversial breasts, making the right one a bit bigger and bringing the left one down to her crotch like that of a pony’s and shrinking it. I then turned my attention to Luna’s face and pushed the left side of her jaw in just enough for her teeth to hang out, teeth that I then reshaped into fangs capable of scaring off a manticore. Luna’s eyes came next. I returned the left one to its previous red on black color setup and stretched the right one to five times its normal size, though I had to move it further back on Luna’s head to do so without having to reshape too much of her skull.

I noticed Luna’s feet had returned to hooves at some point, so I left them alone aside from having the skin and visible muscles pull back to her knees. Luna looked at me in silence as I worked, though her oversized eye kept glancing at her right arm expectantly.

“Do you have something in mind?” I asked now that I had run out of other parts of her to mutate horribly.

“Can I talk like this? Huh, seems I can. I was thinking you should leave it as a bundle of tendrils once it passes the elbow,” Luna suggested.

“Nice, I’ll do the same for the other arm but move it to the bit between the elbow and the shoulder,” I agreed as I made the described changes. I made a few more minor tweaks and embellishments here and there to fine tune the horror show, mostly removing patches of Luna’s soft fur and replacing it with hard black scales, before declaring her appearance sufficiently horrifying for a picture to send to her sister.

“I’m scared to look in the mirror,” Luna admitted.

“Don’t, you’ll change back if you do,” I warned as I gently pushed my mutated wife towards the door. Luna didn’t resist and actually walked faster than me as we made our way towards the deck, growing more eager by the second, “Lu, you know there’s going to be a small panic when we get into town, just let me handle it and don’t take it personal.”

“Why would I care? I know I look like a circus sideshow, let them point and stare,” Luna dismissed.

“Why don’t I believe you?” I asked suspiciously as I lifted the other bioform and took to the skies.

Surprisingly, we were greeted as though nothing was wrong. Ponies waved and bid their greetings as though Luna was still a pony, making me wonder until Luna decided to ask the question running through my head, “Did Zecora tell all of you what happened to me?”

“Oh yes Princess, she told us all about that one Poison Joke petal on the trail. It could’ve happened to anypony really, it would be just mean to make fun of you for it,” Roseluck answered, getting nods from several others. I held back a snicker when Luna froze, she clearly didn’t know Zecora as well as she thought. That zebra said whatever suited her, so long as it rhymed she didn’t care if it was true.

“I-I see, thank you,” Luna managed before hurrying the rest of the way to the library and running inside.

“Did I say something wrong?” Roseluck asked, seeming upset.

“No, she was just expecting a more pitchforks and torches reaction and you kind of caught her unprepared for any kindness,” I replied loud enough for all of the ponies around to hear and understand the reaction they got. The locals nodded sympathetically and returned to their previous tasks as I walked off to catch up to my other half.

“So you're supposed to be Luna then? Why should I believe you aren't a spy sent to kill us all?” Spike asked suspiciously as he kept Luna from going any further into the public building.

“It’s her Spike, let us pass,” I confirmed before Luna had a chance to speak.

“How do I know you’re Jekyll? You shapeshifters could be anypony,” Spike challenged.

“No one impersonates me, it doesn’t matter if they’re a shifter or not. Even these days with all the rogues running around and causing trouble, not one of them has used my name or my face. That’s a one way ticket to the deepest pit I can find,” I boasted.

“Alright, you’re you. But how am I supposed to believe this used to be Princess Luna?” Spike persisted.

“You have a crush on the demon Catrix and asked her to be your doctor,” Luna replied, shutting Spike up and getting him to back away.

“That was kinda low Princess,” Spike complained as we passed.

“Would you have accepted anything less?” Luna challenged.

“Yeah, you didn’t have to embarrass me,” Spike continued indignantly.

“Then what should I have said, so we can avoid this in the future?” Luna asked.

“Tomahtoes and spinach casserole,” I replied instantly as I walked around the both of them and casually made my way up the stairs as though I hadn’t just said something so mind numbingly stupid as to lock both of them in place while they processed my response.

I left them there as I continued straight into Twilight’s room like I owned the place, finding Twilight and Pinkie bickering about some law of physics or another that Pinkie broke regularly.

“Hey Pinks, we need a camera down here,” I called interrupting their argument.

“No problemo Bestie,” Pinkie replied as she slung a confused Twilight over her shoulders and followed me out of the room, “Going for a portrait or wide angle?”

“Both, in that order,” I answered, “Luna got into some Poison Joke and we’re sending the results to her sister before we go and fix it.”

“What’s Poison Joke? It doesn’t sound funny,” Pinkie asked.

“It’s a weed that changes anyone who touches it in some way they would enjoy if it was any different. For example, Shy would probably get a really loud and deep voice, Twilight here would likely get a longer horn that didn’t work, and I’d guess you’d turn into Cthulhu or some shit. Luna turned into me, minus any skill with my abilities or a hint towards moving around in her new body,” I explained.

“You messed her up to make it worse didn’t you?” Pinkie giggled.

“You know damn well that that’s exactly what I did,” I chuckled.

Luna and Spike had recovered by the time we returned to the main room and had moved on to the logistics of using ‘tomahtoes and spinach casserole’ to identify each other when in trouble.

“Alright Lu, strike a pose,” I instructed as we descended the stairs. Luna stepped away from Spike and raised her hands as though she was preparing to lunge at an imaginary target.

“Oooh, I like it,” Pinkie giggled as she sprinted in front of Luna, set Twilight down, and pulled on the unicorn’s mane. Spike’s jaw dropped when Twilight’s horn flashed and a glossy photograph popped out of his surrogate mother’s mouth.

“My head hurts,” the dragon commented as Pinkie snatched away the photo before Twilight could react.

“Vundabar! Now for some pity shots, act like you’re disgusted with yourself for what a horrible monster you’ve become and make sure I can see that eye,” Pinkie ordered as she dragged Twilight around the library.

Pinkie had Luna assume pose after pose before deciding that Twilight only had two more picture’s worth of film and getting the rest of us into a group photo.

“Pinkie, I don’t know how you’ve been doing this but you can’t pull on my mane from all the way over there,” Twilight pointed out, though she appeared to doubt herself as much as everyone else doubted reality when they were around Pinkie.

“I’ll just use the delay function, silly filly,” Pinkie replied as she poked Twilight’s nose and ran back to the rest of us to smile at Twilight. Twilight seemed to recognize that her horn had started blinking and the time between blinks was growing shorter, but she didn’t seem to care at this point. I guessed that she’d given up on understanding Pinkie’s weirdness and how it affected everything around her.

One final flash and we had our pictures for Celestia and duplicates for ourselves, Twilight even retrieved the final photograph from her own mouth and declared that it looked good. There was only one problem with the group pictures.

Though we hadn’t seen him all day, Discord stood with his arms around Luna and I in the group scenes. I briefly wondered if he’d had a hand in any of today’s antics before dismissing my concerns as ‘highly likely.’

“My tongue tastes like ink, but that was surprisingly fun,” Twilight commented as Luna found a paper and quill to write out her explanation for the pictures.

“Yeah, I was expecting Pinkie to pull a camera out of a hidden camera stash but you apparently work pretty well yourself,” I agreed.

“A hidden camera stash? That’s just silly, why would I have one of those?” Pinkie asked.

“For camera emergencies?” I guessed.

“There’s no such thing as a camera emergency you silly goose,” Pinkie giggled.

“Then why do you have stockpiles of manticore jerky hidden all over Equestria?” I pressed.

“For jerky emergencies, duh,” Pinkie replied before bouncing off and leaving us to laugh at her nonsense. Pinkie’s gonna Pinkie.

“Alright, I’ve gotten the letter done,” Luna called as she replaced the quill and handed the letter and photos to Twilight for wrapping and sending, “Make sure she sees the pictures first.”

“This is gonna get us in so much trouble,” Twilight warned as she passed the rolled and tied paper to Spike, though she was still smiling.

“Don’t look at me, I’m just the messenger,” Spike chuckled as he sent the scroll on its way.

I felt a familiar tickle as a bit of smoke drifted against the breeze towards me, the telltale sign of a message from Twilight and Spike. I smiled as it seemed they had chosen me after all and caught the sealed paper the instant it materialized, though a number of pictures fell into my lap when I unrolled it.

Curious, I looked down at the small stack before reading the accompanying letter and was horrified by what I saw. Some monster wearing part of Luna’s face was terrorizing the library.

I felt a rising dread in the pit of my gut as I moved that photograph to the back of the stack and looked at the same creature looking at itself in horror, as though it hadn’t always been this way. My mind wandered to a time long ago when Jekyll had warned me of his most terrible power, the one he called a curse. The disease in his blood that killed and mutated its victims. Could these be Luna’s epitaph? Her final moments caught on film? Just the thought made a creeping burn spread up my chest as my lunch rebelled against me.

When I got to the last picture, one featuring the thing that had been my sister along with Jekyll, the element of Laughter, and Discord, I snapped. Every candle and torch around me burned as hot and bright as the sun, their combined power only a fraction as hot as the rage in my soul. These heathens were celebrating Luna’s death and they had the gall to send me glossy color photographs of it.

There was still that letter though, perhaps it held something that would redeem this horrid situation. When I finally managed to pull my eyes away from the disturbing image resting on my leg and look up at the slightly singed paper, I found the hoofwriting looked like a sloppier version of Luna’s. My rage faded a little as I focused all of my attention on the page.

Tia,

Yes, I know what I look like in the pictures you’re no doubt furious over. Yes, I know that I look like something a dog vomited up after eating an entire nest of rats. But I’m fine, I’ll be back to normal before you see me again and we’ll all have a good laugh about this.

You see, I discovered something while hiking through the Everfree yesterday, a certain blue flower that plays pranks on anyone who touches them. I then proceeded to eat a great deal of Poison Joke, fall asleep in a field of the same, and wake up looking like Jay does on Thursdays.

I’ve already gotten a batch of the cure ready, but none of us could resist taking a few pictures to remember this fiasco and I wanted to share the memory with you before turning back into my old self. Jay did help with the looks before we started shooting, but rest assured that none of it hurt and it isn’t permanent.

I look forward to laughing about this with you later, preferably over a pint.

Best Wishes,
Luna

“That little bitch, I was actually worried about her,” I griped to nopony.

“Do I really have to change back? Couldn’t I just pretend to be a pony for a little while?” I whined as Jay carried me through town.

“You probably could, but I’ve noticed this body changing my mind over the years and I can’t believe you’d want that. I actually murdered another human yesterday and didn’t feel a thing, that’s not who I used to be and it scared me. I don’t want you to turn into a remorseless killing machine like me and I don’t, I won’t, believe you want that either,” Jay argued.

“But I like being strong and invincible,” I pleaded, beating my fists on his back petulantly.

“Princess, you’re making a scene,” Twilight warned.

“I don’t mmmhmhhmhmm,” I attempted before my mouth sealed itself shut and my limbs locked in place.

“Bit of a fatal weakness there, don’t you think? One that could be exploited by any enemy with more shifting experience than you, like the tens of thousands of rogues that would eat you alive without a second thought,” Jay admonished.

I could only whimper in protest as Jay led our little group into the forest, leading us through the alien trees as though he knew exactly where he was going. What was I thinking? He probably did know exactly where he was going and how to navigate this impossible forest. He probably had names for every single tree and greeted them individually when no one else was around.

My thoughts only turned ever more spiteful as we traveled deeper into the forest, my mood getting darker as our surroundings did the same. I remembered a time long ago when the darkness fueled my power and allowed me to usurp the day.

My own fist driving into my face hard enough to deform my skull snapped me out of my dark thoughts and replaced them with fear, that had been the Nightmare talking. I needed to get out of this body as soon as possible, I needed my weak, fragile, normal one back right now.

Getting Jay’s attention was easy considering he was already looking at me in surprise, the only challenge became getting him to unseal my mouth so I could talk.

“You’re hungry?” Jay guessed as I motioned vaguely at my mouth with my one mobile hand.

“I think she wants to talk,” Twilight suggested, getting an eager nod from me.

“No yelling, we don’t need to scare away Abaddon’s breakfast,” Jay warned as my mouth unlocked and I took a moment to test my jaw.

“You can let me walk, I know now that you’re right about this. The Nightmare tried to take over a second ago,” I confessed, unable to hide my shame.

“You understand then why I keep this power sequestered as much as possible, everyone has their temptations but mine seem more benign than most. This world got lucky when I ended up here instead of someone else, you got someone who would be satisfied living peacefully in a shack instead of killing things for fun. Maybe I’ll figure out why I don’t want more than that someday, but for now I’m content to keep the peace,” Jay repeated, though it seemed to be focused towards driving that point into my head more than to clue Twilight in.

“Can I at least walk there by myself? I’m not going to run off,” I requested.

“Remember that I’m faster than you,” Jay cautioned as he unlocked my limbs and set me down to walk beside them.

“Thank you. What was that you were saying about killing a human?” I asked as we resumed our trek.

“Another displaced, he answered my call and believed I would help him conquer his world. He wanted you and Chelly in chains because the versions of you two in his world laughed at him for being such a psychopath even though he didn’t have any powers. I murdered him in cold blood and had his remains dumped so he’d never threaten that world again, the problem was that it felt like a chore,” Jay explained, his face unreadable in the low light.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I offered.

“I just did,” Jay replied curtly, falling silent. We walked in silence for a long while until I spied a light up ahead and informed the others.

“I think I see Zecora’s home,” I announced.

“Makes sense, we’re almost there,” Jay replied quietly. Silence reigned once more as we walked the rest of the way and came to a stop outside a hollowed out tree.

“You are quite late, I suppose I should be happy you got the right date. Your cure sits within, hurry up so we can begin,” Zecora called impatiently once she noticed us.

“In my defense, I was still struggling to walk home when your deadline passed,” I rebutted as I opened the door and walked inside the interesting home.

“Excuses are for the weak, is that truly the life you seek?” Zecora admonished as she led me to a massive bubbling cauldron that dominated the far half of the treehouse.

“No, I’m sorry,” I apologized.

“Zecora, there may be complications. You should stay outside while the treatment does its thing,” Jay advised.

“With germs like you running to and fro, it would be wise for me to go,” Zecora agreed, “Bathe in the brew and you will see, your new look will cease to be.”

I climbed the short staircase that led to the top of the cauldron and looked at the rolling green liquid with apprehension as Zecora departed to wait with Twilight and Pinkie. Was this it? Would that accident earlier today claim my life here and now?

“I’m scared,” I confessed, soon feeling a comforting hand on my shoulder as Jay joined me on the ladder.

“I’ll be right beside you the whole time. Even if everything goes wrong with the treatment, I’ll be able to pull the virus out before it can do any harm,” Jay consoled. I knew he was probably lying about my chances, but it made me feel better anyway.

“Okay, I’m ready,” I breathed before taking a step forward and dropping into the murky fluid.

My skin tightened when Luna didn’t resurface immediately, prompting me to jump into the cauldron and feel around for her. My hand brushed something solid and I lifted the offending object before recoiling in surprise, it was an eye the same size as the oversized one that had been on the side of Luna’s head.

I fell against the side of the oversized pot and tried to figure out where I had gone wrong. I had been so sure that this would work, never even considering that the change in shape might have an effect. Now Luna was dead and it was all my fault.

“Wassa matter?” a small voice I didn’t recognize asked. Turning my gaze towards the sound, I could only sigh in relief and exasperation.

“At least this one I’ve dealt with before,” I consoled myself.

Author's Notes:

At least finals are over and I can stop worrying about how much time I've spent writing instead of studying. Also, special thanks to Eric for keeping me from making an ass out of myself and writing a half-assed fight scene. Trust me, it was on the scale of the first few chapters and I feel ashamed for wasting so much time on it. In other news, it would appear that Militia has a knack for rhyming and has volunteered his help in writing Zecora's lines.

Eric's Editor's Note:

Sadly, I was not the one who came up with the Blacklight Luna idea, but hey! Things are happening! Plot is moving! And I've ran out of coffee! Wait... that last one isn't a good thing... shit.

Militia's Editor's Note:

About time we had a real scene with Zecora. Underappreciated in most cases. Got more surprises in store for later. Hope you enjoyed the read.