A knock at the door cut off any further conversation. Glancing over, I saw a being that could only be another of Catrix’s species peeking nervously through the slightly ajar door. Although, unlike Catrix, this one was fully dressed in a flowing, pitch black dress.

“Enter,” Jekyll ordered, his voice neutral.

“Yes your majesty,” the maid squeaked, sprinting through the doorway and coming to an abrupt stop a few feet away from the rest of us. She was quickly joined by three more of her kind before they all made to kneel. The first one stopped partway down and nudged the others before straightening.

“What was that?” I whispered.

“Kneeling is to say that you are beneath another. I will never kneel to anyone or anything, nor will I allow others to do the same before me. I hold the same disdain for bowing as well. Instead, I have the staff wait patiently for me to address them,” Jekyll explained loudly enough for the succubi to receive a gentle reminder of the policy.

“I see, and what do these ones do exactly?” I asked, doing my best to sound disinterested.

“They’re supposed to keep the entire palace spotless, on the off chance that I’ll be stopping by, but they are also responsible for tending to the desires of any guests I entertain. Until I arrange for a more permanent steward for you, they’ll handle your needs and wants,” Jekyll replied as he started wandering in circles around the maids.

“A personal steward? I assume you have on in mind? One befitting a queen?” I continued haughtily, though internally I was fighting the urge to smile.

“Harry keeps a record of all he finds appropriate for the job, I’ll be speaking to him about it. I trust you will be capable of keeping the maids in line while I’m away? As the first queen of Tartarus, I’m sure they’ll be dying to make a good impression,” Jekyll responded, pausing to backhand a maid that looked his way in surprise.

“I believe four succubi will be quite easy to manage, you need not worry about me husband,” I replied, finally turning my attention to the maids as Jekyll nodded and walked out, “I understand it is customary to be cruel to your underlings?”

“It is, my queen,” the maid that had been slapped responded, a purple hand print was already beginning to form on the side of her face.

“And what do you think of this tradition?” I continued, my voice remaining indifferent.

“Our thoughts are irrelevant, it is the way things are. Only royal advisors, stewards, and concubines are permitted to speak candidly, and even then there are limits,” one of the other maids answered.

“Yet you are also required to follow my orders, are you not?”

“We are.”

“Then I order you to speak to me as though I were another of your station, as I tire of this ridiculous charade. I am not a cruel person, I refuse to pretend as though I were,” I declared, sitting down with a huff before offering them a friendly smile. The one I received was not as nice.

“The queen is weak.”

“One of us should be queen.”

“We’d have to get rid of the old one first.”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“One word: Fang,” I replied simply, placing a hoof over my eyes for a moment as I tried to figure out where I had gone wrong. By the time I removed my hoof, all of the maids were on the ground and groaning in pain, “I may not speak or act like a tyrant, but I have plenty of friends that are capable of doing so.”

“We will not trouble you again, mistress,” the maid that had started the conflict promised as she attempted to push her eye back into its socket.

Jekyll chose that moment to poke his head back into the room, bark a laugh at the situation, and leave again.

“And our future conversations will be less formal?” I pressed, choosing to ignore the brief interruption. I felt more then heard Fang tense behind me, clearly eager for more of his brand of fun.

“Yes mistress,” the maids chorused emotionlessly.

“Now that just won’t do. My name is Luna, I get enough of that mistress nonsense from the enforcers,” I griped.

“You want us to call you by name?” The cyclopean maid asked.

“We would be lashed for our insolence if we were to do that,” another added.

“We will be lashed if we refuse,” a third pointed out fearfully.

“Hold on. Hold on. Don’t panic. How about this, you drop the honorifics when it’s just us and follow the normal rules in public?” I proposed.

“It could work…” the one-eyed maid mused.

“The risk is too great,” another argued.

“I like it.”

“As do I.”

“The vote is cast, we shall pursue an alliance with Queen Luna,” One-Eye declared.

“We call it friendship on the surface,” I deadpanned.

“Friendship?” the maids asked as one.

“You don’t know about… But how? Cat knew what I was talking about,” I stammered.

“Catrix? We do not speak to her, she has been shunned,” One-Eye replied.

“Why?” I asked, surprised.

“She did not follow the proper path to attain her position, she cheated by exploiting a prior relationship with his majesty. We too were deprived of the path, though we were forgiven because his majesty chose us at random,” One-Eye explained.

“And the path is…” I prompted, though I regretted asking before the maid had even opened her mouth.

“We must prove that we are worthy of serving the king by impressing those he favors with lordship. This can be with how well we keep the chambers clean or with how well we-” One-Eye began.

“I believe I know how the other path goes, my room is right next to Cat’s,” I interjected quickly.

“As you say. The problem is that his majesty does not favor any greater demons with lordship, nor any incubi. We cannot advance along the proper paths,” One-Eye continued.

“That’s because he hates them. To be honest, I think I’m starting to as well. Well, not the greaters, I haven’t heard anything about them yet other than that they revolt occasionally,” I responded.

“You hate the incubi? Why?” One-Eye gasped, her remaining eye widening.

“I’ve heard enough about Cat’s past to know that I don’t want one anywhere near me. The horrors she endured at their hooves-” I began.

“Claws,” One-Eye corrected.

“-At their claws is more than I could ever imagine surviving, much less remaining sane through,” I concluded.

“Catrix forgets her place, we are meant to accompany them. Two pieces of the same puzzle. Our purpose is to provide pleasure, theirs is to seek it. Although you are not wrong about one thing: you would not survive a coupling with an incubus, ponies are not as durable as we are,” One-Eye replied confidently, the others nodding their support.

“Cat’s place is wherever she wants it to be. If that means she doesn’t want to see another incubus in her life, then I will personally make sure that she doesn’t,” I declared, stomping a hoof loudly to accentuate my point.

“Found you a stewart!” Jekyll called from the hallway before kicking the door open and dragging a type of demon I hadn’t seen before into the room, not that it was hard to figure out what now lay at my hooves.

“I literally just finished a rant about how much I despise incubi,” I pointed out.

“Tough, he’s the only one I can trust not to try anything,” Jekyll retorted. The unnamed incubus shivered slightly in response.

“The mind controlling, rapey demon is the one you trust?” I asked neutrally, holding myself still lest I blast the demon through the wall.

“Most of the rippers have sworn their services to the greaters or are part of the palace guard, the rest are too far away from the city to help right now. The greaters themselves have been called into question as I know at least one is working with Dopple. And I’ve gelded this little bastard more than a couple times, he knows what’ll happen if he tries anything,” Jekyll explained, kicking the incubus when it was mentioned.

“And that is?” I pressed, inwardly wondering why I kept asking questions when I knew that I didn’t want to know the answers.

“Carl, tell your queen what’ll happen if you break the rules,” Jekyll ordered.

“My name is-” Carl attempted.

“Your name is too fucking hard to say. You’re Carl now, get used to it,” Jekyll snapped.

“As you say, your majesty,” Carl responded meekly, “I am not permitted to use my abilities in your presence nor touch you in any way, no exceptions. The punishment for failing to follow these rules is tort-”

“I didn’t say torture,” Jekyll growled, “I said I’d peel your dick like a banana and crucify you to keep you like that for eternity.”

Carl just whimpered and shuffled away from me.

“What about the maids? What’s to stop him from taking advantage of them?” I continued.

“Carl buddy, you wouldn’t mistake my cleaning staff for a bunch of playthings would you? ‘Cause I’d have to make an example out of you if you did,” Jekyll cooed to the prone demon.

“I suppose that will have to do,” I sighed, “Get up Carl, I want to know what your kind looks like other than in a fetal position.”

“Yes, my queen,” Carl replied as he moved to stand, giving me a good view of his form for the first time. His shape wasn’t too different from Jekyll’s until you reached his waist, at which point it looked like the body of a pony; scales and clawed feet notwithstanding. However, my new steward was still refusing to stand up straight, all four of his legs remained bent inward.

“Interesting, I didn’t realize your kind were quadrupeds. Your barrel looks to be almost as large as my own, yet the biped style torso gives you a definite height advantage. Straighten your knees, I want to see exactly how tall you are,” I ordered. ‘Oh, that’s what he was hiding. I don’t see what the big deal is, aside from the spikes it doesn’t...by the stars, it starts at his hind legs.’

“Hey! Stop drooling, you have to clean that shit up,” Jekyll snapped, causing me to wipe at my mouth unconsciously before I recognized that he was talking to the maids.

“Jay, could I speak to you? In private?” I requested.

“You heard her, get the fuck out,” Jekyll ordered, forcefully throwing Carl into the hallway for the maids to follow. The door slammed of its own accord as soon as the last maid crossed the threshold.

“What the fuck?” I began eloquently.

“I’d neuter him again, but he’d just off himself to get it back,” Jekyll shrugged.

“If he sat down it’d be taller than Cat…” I continued, wondering how the two could possibly...enjoy each other’s company.

“Don’t ask, it was hard enough for me to see,” Jekyll advised.

“And the spikes…”

“Are there to keep the victim in place and give the incubi the screams they crave,” Jekyll explained, sending a chill down my spine.

“And the maids…”

“Don’t know anything else. They believe that it’s perfectly acceptable and normal to have all of your organs ripped out through your ass multiple times a day.”

“But that’s horrible,” I commented distantly, my mind wandering back to the demon’s fifth leg.

“Oi, stay with me now,” Jekyll said suddenly, making a snapping sound with one hand in front of my eyes.

“Gah, what?” I exclaimed, startled by Jekyll’s sudden change in demeanor.

“You blanked out for almost a minute there. I said that they’re too stuck in the old ways to see it for what it is,” Jekyll replied.

“I-I see, and why am I being affected?” I asked, becoming concerned.

“You aren’t, he wasn’t using any level of mind control in there,” Jekyll responded, tilting his head slightly.

“He had to have been, it isn’t like me to daydream; much less about discovering what that...thing tastes like,” I nearly shouted.

“How sure are you that your cycle is over? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard of life threatening situations bringing on a second heat,” Jekyll countered. I stopped as I thought about the last few days and gave my body more of my attention, discovering a familiar itch.

“Shit,” I swore.

“Your parents really dropped the ball on the whole birds and bees talk, double cycling isn’t that rare in unstable areas,” Jekyll continued.

“Unstable? You mean unsafe. I may just be trying to distract myself at this point, but explain as much about the reasons why as you can. Try to be boring,” I requested.

“Sure. It’s a prey response that occasionally follows up the fight or flight response. In short, your body decides that you’re probably going to die soon so it tries to pass on its genes as soon as possible. Bit of an evolutionary leftover from when you lot were herd animals. I only know three ways to end it, either wait two days or get pregnant,” Jekyll explained. Despite his lecturing way of speaking, every word drove me insane.

“You said three, what’s the last one?” I asked, already starting to squirm as the hormones running through my brain took more and more of my rationality.

“Dunno. Cat has some miracle cure, but nobody’ll tell me what it is,” Jekyll replied.

“And she’s occupied until morning at least. Uhhhh, I don’t even want to think about that stupid incubus’s stupid...big…” I trailed off, earning myself a sharp tap on the nose for my wandering mind.

“I’ll make him wear a uniform, something that covers his lower body. And you don’t need to see him again until morning anyway, this was just a little meet and greet,” Jekyll comforted.

“Okay, let me just-FUCK!” I swore again as I remembered something very important.

“Your little friend is in Cat’s room?” Jekyll guessed.

“Yeah,” I confirmed dejectedly.

“At least your record is better than mine, I lost my gun in Canterlot,” Jekyll consoled, placing a hand on my neck.

“Tonight is going to suck,” I declared as a wandered toward the giant bed.

“Hey, have you seen One-Two? He wasn’t next to you when I came back,” Jekyll asked as I gently laid myself down on the sheets.

“Yet another comforting thought,” I commented as I tried in vain to find a comfortable position. Now that I had acknowledged it, that itch was becoming more and more irritating.

“Are you okay? You weren’t like this before,” Jekyll asked as he noticed my obvious discomfort.

“It’s awful, I’ve never felt like this before. It’s normally just annoying and I can ignore it easily enough, but now I feel like there are ants biting my flanks. Ug, why did you have to tell me? Now that I know it’s happening, I can’t pull my thoughts away,” I complained. The thought of talking Jekyll into scratching that itch wormed its way into my mind.

“I could make some sedatives for you, they’d keep you from feeling it so badly,” Jekyll offered, though even he seemed like his mind was somewhere else. Mine was currently on the blank space where his legs met.

“I don’t know, can’t you think of any other way to help me?” I pleaded, powerless to the strength of this mind-clouding, painful feeling coursing through my veins.

“I know what you want,” Jekyll said simply, “The answer is no, I won’t let your first real time be like this. I realize that you’re still you, but it shouldn’t just be to fulfill some base instinct. You’re better than that, and you deserve better.”

I started crying as I realized what I was doing, yet my body rolled me onto my back anyway. I sobbed openly as my body continued to beg for relief despite my wishes, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I’m doing this.”

Jekyll remained silent, causing me to lose track of him through my blurred vision. He revealed his new position when he pulled me into his lap and started stroking my mane.

I continued running my hand through Luna’s mane until she fell asleep almost an hour later. I spent the entire time mentally berating myself for bringing her obvious issue to her attention. If I had simply held my tongue or lied, it might’ve passed quietly. ‘I know better, I’ve made this mistake before.’

“Boss?” a voice asked quietly. Glancing up, I found Harry waiting patiently by the door.

“Is hell more on fire than normal?” I asked tiredly.

“Slightly, but that isn’t important. I was simply concerned for the queen,” Harry revealed.

“Since when do rippers care about the health of others?” I whispered, my nerves fraying already.

“I may be a ripper, but I am also your steward and chief secretary. It’s my duty to care for the royal family, whether it’s in my nature or not. Will she be alright?” Harry pressed.

“Yes, it’ll just take a few days. Nail Carl to something, I don’t want him catching her scent, you’ll take over as her steward until she’s back to normal. We’ll go back to the surface in the morning, Abaddon is better equipped to care for her,” I reasoned.

“Maybe he should smell me! I bet he’d have the nerve to help me!” Luna seethed, revealing her return to wakefulness.

“Carl would kill you without a second thought. We’ll get you back to your nice warm pod, toss you your toy, and lock the door until you feel better. Doesn’t that sound good?” I proposed.

“Sure, just lock away your problems. Why bother fixing anything when you can just wait for it to go away? Fucking coward,” Luna snapped.

“The weight of inaction is sometimes the heaviest,” I replied.

“Perhaps the hardest road isn’t always the best choice,” Harry offered.

“I like him, how about you get out and he can fuck me until I feel better,” Luna suggested angrily.

“I’m afraid I’m not equipped for that ma’am,” Harry pointed out.

“Well shit, I guess my useless husband will have to actually do his job,” Luna grumbled, “Are you still here? That was your cue to leave.”

“Only a shout away, as ever,” Harry offered before departing, even going so far as to quietly close the door.

“I’m starting to doubt that priest, I don’t think you even can-”

“Oh shut the fuck up,” I snapped as I placed my hand over Luna’s face and dumped a near lethal dose of sedatives into her bloodstream. She was snoring loudly soon enough afterwards.

I kept my eyes on the portal through the hours of the night until Abaddon formed a secondary on the other side and tapped at his wrist, to which I pointed to the sedated alicorn in my lap and shook my head. Abaddon shrugged before retreating back into the deck.

Celestia actually did her job a few minutes later, though I suspected I’d be hearing about it the next time we spoke.

“Alright, I think that’s enough time here,” I commented to myself before lifting Luna into my arms and carrying her through the portal.

“Sir, what happened?” Tzu asked worriedly as soon as I crossed over.

“Double cycle, brought on by those damn fucking spiders. Fuck, they’re all dead and they’re still giving me problems,” I griped.

“How bad?” Tzu continued, moving to clear my path.

“Chilly was worse, but she’s definitely not herself. How’s Cat?” I asked.

“Indisposed, same for Miss Dash, though you’ll only hear complaints from them at this point,” Tzu reported.

“I don’t think I want to know, but I’m going to have to brave that room anyway. Lay it on me,” I ordered.

“Miss Dash is almost entirely inside Miss Catrix, only her head remains visible. I’ve tried to separate them, but everything I’ve attempted has been painful for one or both of them,” Tzu replied.

“She unbirthed Dash? That’s a new one. This is going to be a problem. You can’t kill Cat without torching Dash in the process, and Dash won’t let anyone she doesn’t trust come in to surgically separate them. It’ll have to be the two of us,” I concluded, shaking my head as I laughed at the insanity of the past twenty four hours.

“Miss Dash doesn’t wish to see me right now,” Tzu added.

“And why is that?”

“I was instructed by Miss Catrix to do things, things that didn’t feel natural,” Tzu responded hesitantly.

“Before of after this current problem manifested?” I pressed.

“After,” Tzu replied.

“You dog,” I joked, “But seriously, convert the pod while I get Lu in place.”

“Yes, sir.”

Once we reached the room and got Luna safely locked away, I turned my attention to the room housing my next abomination of a problem.

“Sup Dashrix,” I called in greeting as I strode into the room.

“Buck you,” Dash responded.

“What’s your problem?” I asked rhetorically.

“I’m stuck in here and I have to pee,” Dash shot back.

“Cat?” I inquired, though Catrix didn’t seem to care.

“I told her to just go and take a shower later, I’m going to slit my throat as soon as she’s out. OW, fuck that hurt!” Catrix cried as a bulge appeared on her side for a moment.

“You can’t kill yourself, I went through all of this so you’d remember the stuff we talked about last night,” Dash argued.

“That doesn’t give you the right to kick my ovaries,” Catrix countered with a pout.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m tempted to leave you two like this. Your bickering is hilarious,” I commented.

“Shut up!” they both shouted in unison.

“Abaddon, get me a chair and see if Discord has any popcorn,” I ordered, receiving a rectangular formation on the wall to sit on while Abaddon found a better chair.

“What are you doing in there anyway? I can feel you moving around,” Catrix asked.

“I’ve been alternating between trying to push myself out and trying to rub at my neck. Between you and your coltfriend, I’m not exactly up for long conversations,” Dash snarked.

“Then I’ll just leave you be for a while, you did take a bit of a beating last night,” Catrix agreed.

“Horseapples,” Dash swore a few minutes later.

“And that’s what I was waiting for, time to get you out of there,” I announced.

“You were waiting for me to pee? Why would you make me do that?” Dash asked, sounding betrayed.

“You would’ve anyway, at least it’s contained like this,” I shrugged as I grabbed Catrix’s legs.

“Wait a second, what are you doing?” Dash asked, her tone turning fearful.

“This,” I replied simply as I tore both of Catrix’s hips out of their sockets and laid them out of my way.

“I could’ve done that for you,” Catrix deadpanned.

“Really? Without being able to see what you’re doing?” I challenged.

“I still could’ve dislocated them,” Catrix insisted.

“I’d still need to do the next part myself. Hey Dash, do you know how Cat crammed you in there?” I asked, worming my fingers along Dash’s neck.

“Tail first?”

“No, I meant how Cat could even do this. Succubi have four hip bones, and if you put enough force on them…” I explained as I did just that and caused Rainbow Dash to spill out of her fleshy prison.

“Freeeeeeeeedom!” Dash cheered from her new position on the floor.

“And I’m mostly intact, how did you know that?” Catrix asked.

“The Fang incident, he tore apart one of the maids and I could see most of her skeleton,” I answered.

“Fascinating, I didn’t even know I had four hips and I’ve had my skeleton my whole life. Whatever the case may be, I really want to go for a walk right now,” Catrix stated as her legs flipped back down and audibly popped back into their sockets.

“Me too, but where should we go?” Dash asked.

“How about to a fucking shower? Both of you are gross right now, even by my standards. And I eat people alive, my standards are pretty fucking low,” I suggested, “Also, Lu’s doubling pretty hard right now and needs...whatever the fuck you give ponies in her position.”

“A what now?” Dash asked, confused.

“Poor thing, I’ll need Tzu and three squads of Mikes. Once they get all the stuff I’ll need, she’ll be right as rain,” Catrix replied, getting an ‘Ohhh’ from Dash in the process.

“Great, she’s locked in her pod for now but will probably start screaming at you if you walk too close to the door,” I warned.

“At least she’s better than Chilly...she is doing better than Chilly, right? She hasn’t set anything on fire yet?” Catrix asked.

“No, thank goodness. There’s that at least. I’ll be in Tartarus if you need me, I still need to work out a few details with Luna’s steward,” I said as I turned to leave.

“Oh, the queen has her own steward now, fancy,” Catrix commented, “Who’d you grab?”

“Some dumbass with an impossible name, I’ve been calling him Carl,” I replied with a shrug, though Catrix stiffened at the name.

“It wasn’t Cartronitek, was it?” she asked, getting a concerned look from Dash.

“Is that…” Dash began.

“Yes, that was the demon’s name. I assume you know him?” I asked, wondering if by some twist of fate I had grabbed Catrix’s tormentor to watch over Luna. I foresaw a great deal of blood being shed if this was the case.

“Intimately,” Catrix hissed.

“This could’ve been avoided if you had told me the bastard’s name at any point in the damn millennia that we’ve been friends,” I groaned.

“We’re gonna go beat the tar outta this guy, right?” Dash asked.

“NO!” Catrix shouted, stepping back and attempting to make herself smaller, “Just-just let me forget about this, I don’t want to face him again.”

“I won’t let him touch you,” I promised, raising a claw for emphasis.

“I know, it’s just that...by the end...he didn’t need to use his powers to control me. I don’t know if I’d go back to him if he told me to,” Catrix confided.

“What if I brought you closure?” I offered, getting her attention, “A finger to prove he was permanently dead. Or his face, so you can be absolutely sure.”

“I just wanna forget,” Catrix wept as she dropped to her knees. Dash slowly walked over and wrapped a foreleg around the demon’s shoulders.

“Give him hell. The kind I know you can bring, the kind I’ve always seen in your eyes,” Rainbow Dash ordered, her face alternating between rage and sympathy.

“The balance,” Catrix protested.

“Buck the balance, this evil creep needs to pay,” Dash argued without a hint of malice, silencing Catrix’s sobs for a moment as she looked up at the rest of us.

“I-I’ll tend to Luna, just-just leave me alone until I’m finished,” Catrix managed, forcing herself to her feet.

“Cat, you’re our psych expert, you know that you need to engage here. I have, by one hell of a coincidence, found Carl-whatever. That happened, I need you to say that it happened,” I said as I grabbed Catrix’s shoulder to keep her from leaving.

“I can’t,” Catrix answered simply.

“Do it anyway,” I demanded.

“You found him, he’s here. He’s here and I’m damned to be his slave again,” Catrix stated robotically. She managed to keep her emotionless facade up for a full two seconds before she erupted into loud wails and wrapped me in a tight hug, her nails lengthening into claws and digging into my back for a better grip, “Don’t let him take meeheehee!”

“I will never let that happen, I swear on the honor of the Order of Iron that you will not spend another day in chains,” I promised, “I won’t make you confront him, I won’t even make you look at him, I just need you to recognize that I have him in custody and that he will pay for his crimes. Can you do that?”

“I’ll try, but I still want to forget,” Catrix replied, her voice almost a whisper.

“He isn’t here anyway, he’s in the palace,” I corrected. Catrix whimpered slightly and released me before sitting down on the floor.

“Then I’m trapped here,” Catrix declared, “If I move from this spot, there’s a chance I could be in a fatal accident. If I die here, I’ll regenerate in the palace. With him.”

“If that’s what makes you feel safe, I won’t argue with you. Dash, would you mind keeping Cat company for a bit longer?” I requested.

“I’ll be on her like glue. And considering how sticky I am, that might not be too far from the truth,” Dash joked as she walked over to lean against Catrix in support.

“Okay, so you two are taken care of for now. That just leaves Luna’s toy and Lily before I can head back out,” I said as I looked around the room for the one visible item on my list.

Lily materialized less than an inch from Dash’s nose, causing the cyan mare to jump slightly in surprise, “What the hay?”

“I’ve got next,” Lily demanded before walking out of the room.

“Was she here the whole freaking time?!” Dash asked, wide eyed as she stared at the empty doorway.

“Yep, but more importantly: How fucking hard can it be to find a three foot black dildo in a gray room?” I griped as I lifted the both beds to look underneath.

“It...might’ve gotten moved,” Catrix responded, sounding thankful for the distraction.

“To where?” I prompted.

“Wait...no. No no no, you didn’t. You did not do what I think you did,” Dash denied, waving her hooves in distress.

“I kinda remember last night, it’s all pretty hazy, but I definitely remember wanting you to have fun,” Catrix said vaguely.

“Then it wasn’t an organ pressed against my belly? That’s so gross,” Dash complained, retching slightly at the memory.

“I can still feel it,” Catrix confirmed.

“There are no words for how fucked up you are. Can you reach it at least?” I asked hopefully, getting a shrug in response. Catrix laid back before bending and twisting to shove as much of her arm as she could into her womb to search for the pilfered slab of rubber.

After a few seconds she sighed sadly, “It’s stuck. It must’ve been in sideways when Dash came out, and now it’s bent. I don’t have enough leverage to get it free.”

“Fuck this entire morning, wow. Okay, get out of there, I’ll get it,” I groaned. Catrix pulled her arm free and lifted her lower body to grant me easier access.

“Dude, aren’t you married?” Dash asked in disgust and I fed a pair of tendrils into Catrix.

“There are two arguments to that actually. One: Jay’s a licensed doctor and this is a medical procedure to remove a foreign object. And two: according to the law in Tartarus, any member of the royal family may derive pleasure from their concubines without incurring charges of infidelity. In short, Jay could do me on top of Luna and she couldn’t legally get mad about it. Not that he would, of course,” Catrix explained, her voice wavering slightly as I forced the object of my search to line up with its escape route and tore it free.

“Woot, got it,” I cheered lamely.

“Wait, I think I’m missing something. Does Jay own you?” Dash asked in confusion.

“Hmmm, technically yes, but it’s more that he harbors me,” Catrix replied thoughtfully.

“Cat set it up, pick her brain,” I deflected, “I’m gonna toss this Lu’s way and hope she stays sane long enough for you to work your voodoo.”

“If she uses that thing, it might be a lost cause,” Dash pointed out, referencing the current state of the item in my hand. In a word, ruined.

“Shitfuck,” I swore as I saw the state of Lucky’s gift. It was bent at an odd angle and was covered in scratches and cuts that were sharp to the touch. It wasn’t in any condition to be used ever again, “Cat, you broke it, the right thing to do would be to replace it.”

“Nope, that was a limited edition alicock. They were only made for ten days over a decade ago, you’re holding number sixteen of fifty,” Lily countered, appearing at Catrix’s side opposite Dash. Dash jumped again when Lily spoke.

“You sure know a lot about it,” Catrix commented with a hint of pride.

“Are you kidding? The company claimed they could bring Celestia to her knees, one does not simply turn down a challenge like that,” Lily replied.

“Any kind of warranty?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Lifetime, but that won’t help us right now. Luna will have to get by with one of mine. Abby, could you get my suitcase? The red one?” Lily requested.

“I am beyond weirded out right now,” Dash commented distantly.

“That’s ‘cause you’re the normal one,” I whispered as Lily picked through the disturbingly large piece of luggage Abaddon had retrieved.

“Huzzah, the Nightstallion Sim Mark Two, just what I was looking for. And these are still made so Cat can just comp me the bits to replace it. Luna will never know what hit her when the enchantments kick in,” Lily bragged as she levitated the replacement over.

“Uh, Jay?” Catrix asked sweetly.

“You’re covered, I’ll call it payment for psychiatric services,” I replied as I grabbed the device by a handle clearly made for a hoof.

“Make sure she knows to use that handle, the enchantments take effect as soon as you feed it magic,” Lily advised.

“Your fiancee has no idea what he’s in for, does he?” I asked suspiciously.

“Not a damn clue, he thinks mom is the only one like this. I can’t wait for the day we’re alone in a room,” Lily laughed as she lifted an odd harness out of the case. A harness that had several clips attached to it, as though to attach to a handle of some kind. I nearly dropped the device in my hand as I made the connection.

“Lily, you and Cat are a match made in hell. Dash, run far, run fast, get as far away from these two as you can. I would bet my fortune there’s a gimp suit in there somewhere,” I warned. If Dash covered her mane, I would’ve confused her for Rarity.

“Kay, bye!” Dash called as she sprinted out of the room.

“If you ever break up with Tzu, I’m dumping Blue and marrying him,” Lily threatened.

“I’m out as well, you lot have officially breached into a topic I want no part of,” I declared, turning to walk out. I heard Catrix and Lily’s laughter all the way to my room.

“Hey Lu, are you a bitch right now?” I asked as I walked in.

“No, I’m sad,” Luna replied. I could see that she had been crying.

“Why?” I asked as I hid her new gift in my forearm.

“Because you don’t love me,” Luna replied simply.

“That’s not fair, you know I’m working on that,” I pointed out.

“No you’re not, you just keep saying that. If you were really trying you’d have helped me last night. If you really cared you’d take this pain away right now, I know you can. And I know it doesn’t mean anything to you, you said yourself that it’s just meat,” Luna ranted sadly.

“I’ve made arrangements for Cat to work her mojo, I just need to go murderize Carl first,” I explained as I walked around the foot of the pod.

“There it is, I’m not important enough to warrant your attention. Just another thing to delegate,” Luna continued dejectedly, not noticing as I opened the bottom half of the pod.

“I can’t do myself what I don’t know, and my statement before still applies. You’re better than that. And as for your accusations of not taking a personal stake…” I trailed off as I grabbed Luna’s leg and forced the new toy into her. Luna’s loud gasp at the sudden intrusion quickly turned into a moan, but I sent a lance of demonic magic down my arm to make sure she got the point, “Lily says to use the handle until you’re ready to get your shit wrecked.”

“Thank you,” Luna breathed as I closed the pod and returned to the space near her head.

“Better?” I asked.

“Soooooo much better,” Luna replied drunkenly, going cross-eyed as her horn lit.

“Good. Imma go kill a rapist, don’t wait up,” I stated as I walked out.

“Sir, Abaddonn reports that Miss Catrix requires my help?” Tzu confirmed as I walked into the hallway.

“I can’t take three steps without running into something today, holy shit,” I complained, “Yeah, she needs you to coordinate some Mikes or something.”

“Yes, sir...Are you alright? You seem troubled,” Tzu asked.

“It’s Luna. I’ve been doing everything I can to avoid thinking about her like that. It just feels wrong,” I replied.

“I don’t understand, wouldn’t it be fun for both of you?” Tzu pressed.

“Well sure, but I’m her Ben Kenobi. Her Merlin. I’m supposed to be the mentor figure in her story, not the love interest,” I continued.

“Ah, I think I understand where you’re coming from. But from what I’ve seen, life is never as simple as the hero’s journey. Perhaps you shouldn’t see her life as a story waiting to be written, but rather as an epic that’s already into its second volume. Or drop the book references altogether and just live and let live,” Tzu advised wisely.

“You’re saying I should take advantage of her altered mental state? I won’t cross that line,” I stated.

“Absolutely not, but I don’t think it would hurt either of you to be a little closer in the future. Jeffrey and I have been faking attraction well enough so far, it might be worth a try,” Tzu clarified.

“Right, I’ll think on it,” I responded as I wandered back towards the deck. Maybe Tzu was onto something, maybe it wasn’t Luna that was scared of intimacy, but me that was terrified of being more than a mentor to her, “Why? Why would I want to be a footnote in her life?”

“Because you think yours is over,” Catrix replied as I walked onto the deck.

“Isn’t it? What else is there for me to do? The enforcers are maturing and are almost ready to live their own lives, Chelly’s on the decline and might end up dead in the next year, I retired centuries ago, what’s left for me to do but teach?” I asked.

“What if, and this might sound crazy, what if you actually cared?” Catrix proposed, confusing me.

“I do care, what are you trying to say?” I asked defensively.

“Never cared about me, I was just a needy distraction. You kept me safe, I’ll give you that, but you didn’t really care about how I felt. I’m not angry about it, that’s just how you are, but I can see something in you now. I’m saying that you should stop fighting it,” Catrix continued.

“Tzu’s waiting in the hallway by your room,” I responded blandly, “He’s full of life advice too, maybe you can conspire to drop the biggest load of hypocritical bullshit that has ever been dropped.”

“Well fuck you too. I’m just trying to help, ya know? Geez, I try to give a guy advice and get my damn head bitten off,” Catrix muttered as she walked away.

Now that I was pissed at myself too, I made a beeline for the one item on my agenda that might actually be relaxing, “I wonder when killing scumbags became relaxing?”

“In the legion,” Harry replied, startling me.

“Damn, where the fuck did you come from?” I asked.

“I’ve been waiting here since you left,” Harry answered dutifully.

“Why?” I pressed.

“There’s a minor revolt happening in the palace, I’ve lost the guards twelve times already,” Harry replied.

“Carl?” I guessed.

“Got it in one,” Harry replied.

“Son of a bitch, I hate today,” I complained.

“The maids are also on his side, I’d recommend replacing them,” Harry added.

“No shit, Sherlock,” I deadpanned.

“Will you require my assistance?”

“I’ll require you to shut up so I can work...and call off the guards,” I ordered.

“As you say,” Harry responded, ducking out of my way and allowing me to stride towards the door.

“Yo Fang, free reign as long as you don’t leave the palace!” I shouted into the hallway. At once, all sounds of fighting were replaced with the panicked thundering of feet as the renegade demons attempted to escape the torture Gamma One-Two brought wherever he went, “Cool, now to find the ringleader.”

I didn’t have to look for very long, as my assumption of the servant’s quarters was dead on. Specifically, I found Carl in the maids’ room partially covered by the room’s normal occupants and surrounded by blood and scorch marks.

“This is remarkably underwhelming,” I commented as all eyes fell on me.

“Fight him, fight for your master,” Carl ordered, though without any energy to it. I got the impression that he just didn’t know how else to react.

‘Not my problem.’

“You’re all fired,” I stated with equal enthusiasm as One-Two dropped from the ceiling and landed on the lead maid, causing the others to rethink their actions.

“I surrender?” Carl attempted weakly.

“Nah,” I replied as I lazily sent a tendril into his chest. His face fell to the ground as the material behind it ceased to exist, “Shit, even this felt like a chore. What’s wrong with me today?”

Taking the discarded skin, I trekked back to my room and through the portal. I made a decided effort not to acknowledge the tortured screams echoing from the direction I had come from.

“Is that a face?” Twilight asked as I stepped through the portal.

“Yes,” I responded as I walked past her.

“Wait, why are you carrying a face? Where are you going?” Twilight continued, though her questions fell on deaf ears.

“Cat, is this him?” I called into Catrix’s room, receiving no answer. Repeating the process in my room yielded better results in the form of Catrix screaming at me that she was busy, causing me to drop the piece of skin and close the door, “Whatever, I’ll be around when you’re done.”

“What’s the matter?” Twilight asked, reminding me that she was still following me around.

“A lot of stuff. Some I can fix, others I can’t,” I replied.

“Like what?” Twilight pressed.

“Are you hunting for a friendship report? Fine, I’ll spill. Lu’s gone crazy, Tartarus is Tartarus, Cat’s pissed at me, I’m pissed at me for the same reason, I’m doubting my reasoning for a lot of personal things, and even Tzu has recognized how far from honest I’ve been with myself,” I ranted.

“All that before noon? I’d be stressed out too. Maybe I can help somehow?” Twilight offered.

“Thanks for the offer, but unless you can teach me how to be affectionate-” I began.

“I have a few books that could help. Here, Mom just sent me her latest revision,” Twilight interrupted, teleporting in a bundle of loose papers. Taking a look at the top sheet, I saw something that threw me for a loop.

“Vee is your mom?” I asked, my shock clear in my voice and face.

“Uh, Velvet, yeah,” the lavender unicorn replied.

“You’re Shining’s sister. Two years ago I would’ve killed you over that relation,” I continued. Twilight paled at my words.

“I think I should go…” Twilight attempted, but found a tendril around her hoof when she tried to back away.

“Next time you see Vee, give her an extra hug; she saved your life just now,” I advised as I released Twilight’s hoof. She started to slowly back away, but stopped after a few feet.

“What happened?”

“I kidnapped the nicest mare on the planet is what happened. Short version is that I wanted your brother off my back, so I snatched his mother to blackmail him with. Do you know what she did? She made tea and treated me like an old friend. I only kept her for about an hour before scrapping the whole plan and walking her home. We still send letters once in awhile,” I explained.

“That sounds like her. She probably would’ve made you a pie if you hadn’t let her go,” Twilight joked.

“She did. Walked right back to where I was hiding and dropped one off the next day, it was cherry,” I replied with a laugh.

“I remember that day! She made that pie for me and then walked out with it when I wouldn’t stop reading long enough to eat it, I guess now I know what happened to it,” Twilight added.

“It was good pie, you missed out. You might be onto something, Vee seems to have a mind for this sort of thing. I should ask her for advice,” I commented.

“Shining’s home for the weekend,” Twilight pointed out.

“Nevermind then, I’ll just clean up my own messes,” I groaned. I moved to try the door again, but was stopped by the sound of Twilight giggling, “What?”

“I just caught what you said, that my mom has a mind for relationships. She writes romance novels, of course she does. It’s so ridiculous,” Twilight laughed.

“I didn’t know that until just now, somehow it never came up,” I replied, giving the stack of papers another glance.

“Well I still think it’s funny,” Twilight stated, still chuckling. After a few moments, she spoke again, “So Luna’s in there?”

“Yep.”

“With Catrix?”

“Yep.”

“And there’s something wrong with her?”

“For now.”

“I hope she’s okay.”

‘Somepony, anypony please help me!’ I thought as loudly as I could. I’d tried screaming, but the enchanted gag in my mouth kept me from even hearing myself. All I could do was cry as the whip descended on my back for the twenty-second time.

“Yeah she’ll be fine, I’ve never heard anything negative about Cat’s treatment,” I replied.

‘Nothing negative, every inch of my body hurts and you’ve never heard anything negative? What kind of people do you spend your time with? Did your legion sit on broom handles for fun? I wish she’d stop, I wish Jay would come in here and save me, I wish she hadn’t put that cone on my horn. I really wish she’d stop poking me there, I don’t-’ My train of thought was interrupted as a searing pain tore its way through my mind. I tried to scream, I tried to bite through the gag, I tried to kick at my attacker, but the gag was too large for me to sink my teeth into and the straps holding me in place kept me from moving more than an inch.

“Okay, I guess she is the expert,” Twilight said with a shrug, “I guess I should get going, Rainbow said she had a doozy of a night and Fluttershy asked me to watch Angel while she takes care of her.”

“A doozy of a night, that’s putting it mildly,” I commented with a short laugh.

“I’m sure, but I really should’ve fed Angel by now. I’ll stop by later and see how everypony’s doing,” Twilight promised as she walked away.

I sat in silence, just staring at the door. I let the world pass me by as I waited and thought. I knew Tzu had shown up and sat next to me at some point, but I didn’t bother reacting until he started speaking, “I never got to show you what I found on the night after the battle.”

“And what did you found?” I asked, turning my head towards him.

“See for yourself,” Tzu replied, holding up a glass vial. It was half filled with a red liquid that appeared to be blood until disturbed, at which point it revealed itself to be far too thin to be blood. My curiosity peaked, I removed the cork stopper and inserted a tendril to sample the odd liquid.

“Well then, so much for ruling out blood,” I commented to myself.

“It’s yours, taken after you passed out. Check the alcohol content,” Tzu suggested with a smile.

“Alright hold on, gotta count this shit…” We fell silent again as I distracted myself with the counting of molecules. Well over an hour later, I had the numbers, “Seventy-five!? No way, there’s no possible way it’s seventy-five percent. One, people die at point three-five, and two, that’s higher than the shit I was drinking.”

“And yet I came to the same conclusion,” Tzu argued as I drank the contents of the vial.

“But that’s...fuck it-lethal several times over. I should be dead, no wonder I was out for four days,” I responded, making a note not to go so far next time.

“And that’s why I let you sleep,” Tzu replied. We fell silent again as we waited for Catrix and Luna to emerge from the room. When the door finally opened, it was Luna who stood on the other side with Catrix barely visible as she slept on the floor against the far wall.

“Hey there, how’re ya feeling?” I asked.

“Great. I don’t know what she did in there, but I feel better than ever,” Luna replied happily.

“Wait, you don’t even know how she cured your doubling? Damnit, I’m starting to go crazy over that secret,” I complained.

“I remember her walking in and me begging her for sex, and then I woke up a few seconds ago. Why? How long was I in there?” Luna asked.

“Two, maybe three hours. Looks like it wasn’t easy for Cat, it takes a lot to wear her out,” I commented.

“She was up all night, the lack of sleep probably just got to her,” Tzu pointed out.

“Makes sense to me, I don’t feel as if she even touched me,” Luna agreed.

“I watched every second, there was touching,” Abaddon responded, sounding dead.

“You spied on them? For me? Awww, you shouldn’t have,” I replied thankfully.

“I agree, I shouldn’t have,” Abaddon commented, offering me a tendril. As I reviewed his memory of the event, I came to the conclusion that Cat’s treatment would never be used on Luna again.

“Well, what did she do to me?” Luna inquired.

“She tied you down and...did some crazy mojo with pressure points. Even to me, seeing Cat bend and twist that far is disturbing,” I lied.

“Pressure points? Like on my legs? Fascinating. But why can’t I remember what happened?” Luna continued.

“You wiped your memory of it to keep Cat’s secret, just like everyone else. She said it was her biggest breadwinner in the kingdom and that she was trying to avoid competition,” I lied again.

“Huh, considering who it was performing the procedure, I would’ve expected something more...graphic. I don’t know, something like shoving a broom in my plot bristles first,” Luna joked, causing Abaddon to briefly freeze.

“Right, that reminds me, be sure to thank Lily for your new best friend. Cat kinda broke your old one,” I said as Abaddon retreated before he could ruin the comfortable lie I had spun.

“New best?-oh that, I honestly hadn’t considered where it had come from. What is it with her family and giving me lewd gifts?” Luna asked.

“They’re generous souls,” I answered simply.

“I see...I’ll be sure to pass on my gratitude,” Luna replied hesitantly as she considered my statement, “I guess I should go find her then.”

“Good luck with that, she was still practicing her invisibility spells last time I saw her. I’d recommend heading back to Tartarus and seeing about getting you some new armor,” I suggested.

“Could we not, I really don’t want to deal with that incubus again,” Luna requested.

“He’s dead, turns out that Carl was Cat’s owner. Seemed like he knew I was gunning for him too, started a revolt and everything,” I replied.

“Oh, then you’re back to looking for a steward,” Luna assumed.

“Harry mostly just sits around, he can fill in until a decent ripper can be found,” I responded with a shrug.

“What about Cat, can’t she be my steward?” Luna proposed.

“She already has a job...that she doesn’t do. Yeah, sure, Catrix Infernus is now your voice in Tartarus as well as your confidant and concubine. Boom, done, you have a steward now,” I stated.

“That was easy. So, what? Do we wake her up to come with us?” Luna asked.

“Probably better to let her sleep. Tzu, why don’t you get her to bed while Luna and I burn in hell,” I joked, getting a raised eyebrow from Luna.

“Is it more on fire than usual?” Tzu asked.

“Apparently, but that’s not important. For now, let’s just get back to work,” I replied.

“Yes sir,” Tzu stated as he walked into the room to retrieve Catrix’s unconscious body.

“Abby, could you bring the fragments of my armor to the deck? I’ll carry them from there,” Luna requested.

“Like hell you will, that’s just asking to be murdered. I’ll have Harry haul them for you,” I corrected as Luna and I started walking towards the deck.

“I can’t really be that dangerous. I mean, the maids were kinda hostile at first but they came around pretty quickly,” Luna said in disbelief.

“Are you really going to put that much trust in a bunch of demons? Shit Luna, I’m their fucking king and I still dropped a leviathan on their heads,” I replied.

“That’s not exactly fair, you don’t trust anyone,” Luna argued.

“I trust you and Tzu,” I countered, mentally kicking myself for taking the bait.

“Is that why you’re always within ten feet of me? Because you trust me so much? Or Tzu, whom you watch like a hawk to make sure he does his jobs properly?” Luna challenged.

“I’m not...You’ve...No. I’m always around you and watching Tzu because you’re both still learning,” I managed.

“Really? You see yourself as a teacher?” Luna replied, sounding surprised.

“What else would I be? I’m retired, I don’t accept contracts or win wars anymore. Best I can do is hope my experience can save a few lives,” I explained.

“Jay, I don’t see a wizened old stallion. As far as I can tell, you’re still in your prime. Besides, I’m older than you,” Luna countered as we reached the deck, though both of us ignored its other occupants and stopped near the portal to continue our conversation..

“Maybe you’re right. I’ve been hearing that same thing a lot today, from a lot of people I value. Tzu may not be ready to lead the enforcers by himself, but he isn’t stupid. Cat may be Cat, but she knows her shit too. Twilight didn’t even know what I was talking about and she was still talking along the same lines,” I listed before falling silent for a moment, “Alright, I’ll drop the mentor thing. But I’m still fucking retired, I’m not budging on that one.”

“I’m not asking you to live the life of a mercenary, just to stop holding yourself back,” Luna replied with a smile.

“And Tartarus is still fucking dangerous,” I added.

“I guess I can let you have that one for now,” Luna allowed with a smirk.

“Ha ha ha. Come on, you’ll see,” I warned as I took Luna’s bag of broken armor from Abaddon and walked through the portal.

“Your majesties, I was wondering when you would return,” Harry stated with an unusual amount of formality.

“Drop the titles, take this, and get an escort ready, we’re going into the city,” I ordered, tossing the bag at the ripper.

“I’d avoid going uptown, that’s the area that’s more on fire than usual,” Harry advised as he set off to arrange our escort while Luna and I casually walked towards the main gate.

“What’s with the more on fire thing?” Luna asked as we walked.

“Bit of a running joke. Tartarus is always on fire, but we occasionally have flares. The more on fire part is from the same place as the fun-nazi thing,” I explained.

“One of these days you’ll have to set up that play,” Luna suggested.

“Yeah, one of these days,” I agreed as we reached the gigantic main doors. Rooting my feet into the stone floor, I threw the massive doors open with far more force than necessary and got an odd look from Luna in the process, “Gotta keep up appearances.”

“That appearance being that you’re on the warpath?” Luna asked.

“Always,” I confirmed, “You don’t fuck with the only guy that can kill you when he’s already pissed.”

“That actually makes sense,” Luna relented as Harry walked over with a small mob of rippers.

“Your majesties, are you ready to depart?” he asked.

“I thought you said to never go out with less than fifty guards? This isn’t even half that,” Luna pointed out.

“The king is worth far more than fifty rippers, ma’am. It would be an insult to not trust in his abilities. These guards are here to carry your burdens,” Harry replied.

“Then I suppose we are ready, lead us to the finest armorer in the land,” Luna commanded.

“As you say mistress. If you desire armor, you shall receive it,” Harry declared, signaling the others to fall into formation and prepare to move.

Luna remained quiet as we walked through the city streets, keeping her mask of disdain plastered firmly on her face the entire time as she looked around at what we called a city. In reality, it was a collection of black stone spires that had been hollowed out to serve as shelter from the dust and fiery storms that occasionally blew through. The spires of the city were one of the few sources of respite from the flesh stripping weather, the others being the massive keeps owned by the greaters. The guards never had to push any crowds out of our way as we walked, the other demons all but fled at the sight of us. Eventually we came to a row of stalls carved into a fallen pillar, each with a pretty selling some service they claimed to have perfected.

“Here we are. This is the Line, where you’ll find the best tradesdemons around. Just make sure not to insult them, and be ready to beat them into the ground if you do. Hope you brought something to pay them with,” Harry advised quietly, getting a slight nod from Luna.

“Which of you should I speak to about a set of armor?” Luna called to the pretties, causing them all to lean out of their stalls and look at each other for a second. Without a single word of argument, they all dove at each other in a wild tornado of claws and teeth.

“And that’s why I don’t fuck around with demons,” I commented as a victor emerged from the scuffle, a bloody hammer still held in his grip.

“Yregnat, at your service ma’am,” the pretty greeted. He was shorter than me by a little more than a foot, a bit shrimpy for a pretty. His crimson skin also had an uncharacteristic shine to it, as though he was covered in a thick film of grease. All in all, he looked like a slobbish version of Catrix without any of the femininity or self respect.

“Youreggnat? I have some armor that has been badly damaged. I require a new set but my old armor had sentimental value to me, I’d like you to incorporate the pieces into the set I intend to commission,” Luna declared, though her mask was beginning to crack as she kept looking at the prone pretties and scorch marks.

“It’s Yregnat, ma’am,” the pretty corrected, his predatory gaze becoming a glare.

“No, it’s not. You’re fucking name is Yuri now, got it?” I growled, causing the pretty to back down, “And she’s not a ‘ma’am,’ the term of address is ‘your highness.’”

“Of course your majesty, my apologies,” Yuri replied meekly.

“What the fuck are you waiting for? Do I need to shove my foot up your ass to get you moving?” I shouted when Yuri didn’t immediately get to work on Luna’s order.

“Of course, my apologies. What were you looking for, your highness?” Yuri asked, receiving a high speed kick to his posterior for wasting our time.

“Next!” I yelled at the remaining pretties as Yuri sailed over the Line and continued gaining altitude.. One slowly managed to climb to his feet and stagger over to us.

“Did you have a particular style in mind, your highness?” the unnamed pretty asked.

“Mobility is key, I need to be able to fly while wearing it. I’d like it to look both inspiring and intimidating, but remember that it will be ponies that need the inspiration. I’ll let you decide on the rest, I get the feeling that this isn’t too different from working with a painter,” Luna replied.

“May I have the pieces of the previous armor? I’d like to see if I can obtain your measurements from them,” the pretty requested.

“I’m afraid there is very little left of it, else I would’ve had it repaired. You may measure me if you need to,” Luna permitted.

“I-I could never be so bold,” the pretty protested.

“I’m getting annoyed awfully quickly. Drop the shy tradesdemon act and get to fucking work,” I demanded, making the demon jump and sprint back to his stall to retrieve a measuring tape. After three failed attempts to obtain the length of Luna’s foreleg due to his shaking hands, Luna herself took the tape and simply levitated it to the necessary places on her body while the pretty scratched notes into his arm with a claw and muttered endless apologies.

“There’s only one thing I still need to know, your highness. Would you prefer imp or scamp?” the pretty asked.

“For what?” Luna inquired.

“For the roan, of course. Did your previous set not have one?” the pretty continued.

At Luna’s obvious conclusion, I stepped in to clear up everyone’s confusion, “The roan is the leather padding between the metal and your skin, it serves as light armor between the plates while also providing some comfort. Imp skin leather is a lot more durable but scamp skin is more pliable and comfortable.”

“Imps can talk, right? I’ll go with scamp leather,” Luna decided.

“I vow to provide the best armor you’ve ever worn, your majesty, in comfort, style, and protection. Not one blade nor disapproving look shall mar its finish,” the pretty promised.

“And how shall we find you when it is complete? I never got your name,” Luna requested.

“My name? It isn’t important, I am no one. I will deliver it to the palace as soon as the last engraving is perfect and all of the runes are enameled properly,”

“Then all that’s left is your payment. I admit that I do not know all of the customs of this place yet, but I can promise you any item or service I can provide,” Luna offered.

The pretty looked torn for a long moment before speaking again, “Serving to protect the queen is payment enough.”

“No. You’re hiding something, what?” I asked as I grabbed the pretty’s shoulder. The demon paled slightly as he realized the same thing so many others had discovered once they were in my grip, there was no escape.

“Nothing, I swear. I’m not important and I never was,” the pretty maintained.

“Then tell me your name and I’ll let you go,” I offered.

“Jay, he seems nice enough, maybe we should just let him work,” Luna suggested.

“Not until I get a name,” I argued.

“I’m Jragden, please don’t kill me,” Jragden pleaded.

“With a ‘j’ or a ‘y?’” I demanded.

“A ‘j,’” Jragden confessed, confirming my suspicions. This pretty used to be one of Belial’s personal armorers, I’d seen his name on plenty of pieces in Belial’s old armory.

“I had to chisel through your work to take your master down. Yo Harry, is this guy still wanted by your dudes?” I called.

“All of Belial’s minions are to be processed for perpetuating his reign,” Harry answered.

“Then your payment is a royal pardon, paid in advance,” I declared as I released the demon.

“Truly? Thank you your majesty, I’ll never forget this,” Jragden promised gratefully.

“I believe we can do better than that. Simply removing an existing threat isn’t payment enough, I’d like to offer him a place in the palace as my personal armorer,” Luna proposed, causing Jragden to pale once more.

“That’s what got him into this mess, he got recruited by the wrong demon,” I explained.

“I am no demon, and I will require someone capable to maintain and repair the fine armor I’m sure Eeraggdan will provide,” Luna insisted, “But it is merely an offer, I will not force you to work for me.”

“What if I were to accept and change my mind later on, would I be allowed to leave?” Jragden asked nervously.

“Absolutely, and I’d make sure to send some extra customers your way whenever I found any,” Luna promised.

“Then, provided my work meets your expectations, I accept,” Jragden agreed with a sweeping bow.

“We’ll get out of your mane and allow you to work, I look forward to seeing what you come up with,” Luna bid as she returned to the center of the mob of guards.

“Thank you again your highness, I will not fail you,” Jragden promised before returning to his stall with the remains of Luna’s old armor to begin crafting her new set. Luna was almost giddy and was visibly restraining herself from bouncing on her hooves the entire trip back to the portal. Only when the door to our chambers closed did she allow herself to show her excitement.

“Oh my gosh, that went soooo much better than I thought it would. I was expecting it to take hours for him to finish setting up the job,” Luna praised.

“Take it from someone who has had to break some of the armor he made, he does his job well,” I agreed.

“Jay come quick, something’s happened!” a frantic Catrix cried from the other side of the portal.

“It’s always something. Makes me miss the boring times, ya know?” I asked casually as Luna and I ran after the succubus. We found her with Tzu once we rounded the first corner of the hallway, though from where I was I couldn’t see what they were looking at.

“What happened here?” Luna asked as she moved forward to peek around them before gasping loudly and backing away.

“Report,” I ordered as I moved to fill the space Luna had just vacated, finding a dead royal guard lying there with a beaten face and open neck.

“Just found him, but he’s not the end of it. Whoever did this got past Abaddon’s security, we have no idea how yet,” Tzu replied.

“Got an ID on this one?” I asked as I crouched next to the small pool of blood by the victim’s head.

“Not yet, face is too beaten in for a positive match. I have Abaddon retracing his steps right now, hopefully, we’ll figure out what room he left this morning,” Tzu answered. On a hunch, I touched the victim’s ear and took a skin sample.

“Shit, it’s Green. I liked him too,” I groaned. I heard the sound of Luna retching behind us as I continued to examine Green’s wounds, “Shimmer is the only thing that can get past Abaddon. Their armor has Chelly’s shimmer enchantment, Wardens did this.”

“He was my bridesmaid,” Luna commented mounfully between gags.

“But they’ve never murdered anyone before, why would they break the deal now?” Tzu asked.

“Because the bitch can’t tell them not to, because I shot out her tongue, because she’s a bitch,” I reasoned.

“Are you sure? This doesn’t fit their usual behavior at all,” Tzu continued.

“Follow the blood, what do you see?” I prompted.

“There should be more...and the Wardens use weapons with powerful heat enchantments. They cauterized the wound as they cut him, he would’ve drowned in his own blood before bleeding out,” Tzu noted, causing Luna to cross over into vomiting.

“ROSE LILY, FOR YOUR SAFETY PLEASE REVEAL YOURSELF,” Abaddon’s voice thundered through the hallways.

“Abaddon, what did you find?” I demanded.

“Miss Lily was around this area when Mister Green was killed, I have not located her since,” Abaddon responded grimly.

“Then she was the target and Green got in the way, they’re trying to lure me out,” I concluded.

“She’s alive, she has to be,” Luna managed, though she had to stop every few words to cough and wipe at her mouth.

“Yes, she does. Alive they can draw me out, but if they killed her it would be the start of a war they can’t win. They’ll keep her safe because they know I’ll find her, and that’s when they’ll spring the ambush,” I predicted.

“So what’s your plan?” Luna asked, getting blank stares from the rest of us.

“You sweet, innocent, little thing, even greater demons know that the last thing you want in a trap is Jay. The only problem with their plan...is that it worked,” Catrix cooed as she walked over and cleaned a spot on Luna’s chin with her thumb.

“Exactly, there’s just a couple things I have to do first. The first is purely to vent my frustrations with how today started out coupled with this bullshit. And the second is part of the same deal the Wardens just broke, I have to give your sister a chance to fix this herself,” I explained, smiling at Luna’s confused look. Rather than elaborate on what I was talking about, I simply walked back to the deck, expanded my lungs until they were pressing out of back, and shouted my rage at the sky.

“SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIITCH!”

Author's Notes:

I'm sure you've noticed that until now, all of the sex stuff has been just "off screen." I've been doing this because I didn't want to let it influence the path of the story too much, I wanted to give Monster a chance to mature before even thinking about writing a clop scene. But now, now it's eight months and a fifth of a million words later, and damn if I'm not running out of reasons to keep kicking that can down the road. This has been a real struggle for me to plan and control without depriving Monster of its organic nature, but I think it'll be time somewhere in the next few chapters.

Eric's Editor's Note:

So... I'm writing a thing now...
If your bored and can't wait for the next chapter of this, Click {Here} and go read that.
It's set in the same universe, and hopefully, it'll crossover with the main story. ;P

If there is no link. #BlameWeapons
Not my fault. Ummm... yeah.

That's it.

...

Damn this is a long editor's note...

You can go now.

Militia's Editor's Note:

Certainly an... experience editing this. Hope you enjoy it.