The prince nearly falls off his cushion when I barge in. “What in blazes!” Blueblood shouts. Ooh, he's spooked good.

I walk into the light so Blueblood can get a good look at my face. My tentacles shift and churn, dropping my unicorn disguse and forming my Griffon body. I smile at the prince. “Hi there, Blueblood. I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Gilda.”

Blueblood looks like he’s about to piss himself. His mouth gapes open, and he stutters a bit. “Y-you can’t be here. It’s not possible. You fell into an industrial mixer. You’re supposed to be jelly!”

I shrug. “I got better.”

He springs out of his seat and bolts for the door. He’s about to scream for help, but with my speed I easily dash in front of him and put a monster claw scythe up to his lips. He skids to a stop, and I have to take a step back to keep him from slicing his lips on my blade.

“Whoa there, I’m not letting you get away.” I move forward, pushing Blueblood back with the single blade. He backs up to his cushion at the table, then trips back into a sitting position. “Good boy. Now we can talk.”

His eyes stare down the razor edge of my monster talon. “I-I don’t know what you want, but killing me isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You’re double right. You don’t know what I want.” The monster claw shrinks into my normal griffon claw, and I flick Blueblood on the nose. He blinks. “And killing you won’t solve my problems. So relax, I won’t lay a talon on you if I don't have to.”

His eyes are locked on to me. He watches as I walk around him and pick up a shiny looking apple from the table. “What do you want?”

“Welp, I did my homework, and as CEO of Genicorn, you hold a lot of power over Blackwatch.” My eyes look over the entire table, taking in all the colors of the fruits and vegetables on display. “Thisis a lot of food for one pony. You're not going to share this?”

“None of this is for eating,” Blueblood says.

“You don’t eat any of this? You rich ponies are weird, setting up a table like this just so it goes to waste.” I take a loud bite out of the apple. I chew for a second, but slow down when I sense something is off. I haven’t been able to taste anything for a year, but I can feel something is strange. The texture feels hard and gooey, also a little too smooth for an apple.

“That’s because it’s fake,” Blueblood says. “All the fruit is fake. It’s a display piece.”

I stop chewing upon hearing this. I look down at the apple and see the part I bit off is made of wax, like a candle. Yep, that’s a fake alright.

Blueblood points to the door. “I could have a chef get you something if you’d like. More apples, a fruit platter, fancy cakes?”

"Yeah, you’d tell the chef to go get help so they can beat off the monster holding you hostage. Heck no, I don’t need you chef!" I look Blueblood dead in the eye as I take another bite out of the apple, chewing it slowly to drill the point home. Power move.

“Uh…”

“What I want,” I say, gesturing at Blueblood with the chewed up fake apple, “first off, is for Blackwatch to get off my case and stop hunting me down like a rabbit. You’re their CEO, I know you can do this.”

Blueblood is about to say something, but I cut him off.

“I’m not kidding. You saw my scone shop. I’ve been a productive citizen for the past year and you know it. But these blue-eye goons of yours, they do nothing but sit around, bully other citizens, and jerk each other off when they’re not after my head. And you all have the gall to come in and wreck my place just so you can take my head as your mantlepiece or do some other messed up crap to my body. No, you guys are destroying small businesses everywhere and you need to stop.”

“That won’t happen,” Blueblood says. “If we don’t stop you, you’ll end up killing more ponies. You’re a monster who needs to be put down.”

I hold up a talon. “I only killed in self defense. You guys are far worse. Like I said, I did my homework. You establish police states around quarantine zones just so you can have a power trip. You take Blacklight infected foals away from their families and experiment on them. Thousands of ponies have disappeared because you claim they have the plague, even though there’s a good bit of evidence saying many of those ponies were healthy. And you bust down people’s stores for no good reason. Speaking of which…”

I toss the apple over my shoulder and go fishing through my satchel. The apple thuds on the floor behind me. A second later, I’m pulling out a thick envelope and handing it to the prince. Blueblood grabs it with his magic, but he’s hesitant to open it. “What is this?”

“Court summons,” I say. “I’m suing you.”

His eyes go wide and he freaks out. He rips the envelope top off and yanks the papers out. His eyes dart back and forth as he skims the words my lawyer cooked up today. If Blueblood was scared before, then he must be having a heart attack now. “What in Tartarus? You can’t do this!”

Blueblood seems more scared about losing a chunk of money than he is of me eviscerating him. Gotta love the rich. I push the papers down with a talon to bring his attention back to me.

“I can, and I did. Your goons, that you are responsible for, broke into my shop earlier today, vandalized the place, and caused me emotional distress. It’s going to take me a considerable amount of money and time to fix the place up. Plus you’ve caused me to lose potential revenue while my store is under repair. Since I can’t make money, I can’t pay my bills or pay my employees wages. I want to keep my employees, so you’ll have to pay for that too. Add on the legal fees, and that puts your bill at around” – I pause to count on my claws – “ten million bits.”

Blueblood gags, almost dropping the papers. “Ten million?!”

I nod. “Give or take.”

He throws his hooves up in the air. “This is an outrage. You’re a monster! No one will listen to your case.”

A sly smile crops up on my face. “I wouldn’t say no one. My lawyer thinks it’s a good case. The Canterlot Historical Society loves to go after ponies who vandalize city architecture. Oh, and the Mercenary Oversight Committee, they’ll take an interest in today’s events. I think you’re already under investigation from them, are you not? Something about ‘gross mishandling of detainees.’ But what do I know about that?”

Blueblood glares at me. The papers crumple up in his magic. “The Princesses will see that your lawsuit will never see the light of day.”

I give him a deadpan look. “Lawsuits are civil matters. The Royal family has no control over them. Check your privilege.”

“You’ll rot in a dungeon cell before you ever see a bit from me. You are Equestria’s most wanted, after all.”

I snap my talons. “Dungeons, thanks for reminding me. There’s a third thing I want from you.”
"What else could you want?"
"Simple. I want" -
Blueblood holds up his hooves in surrender and hangs his head. “I can already guess. It’s against my will, but as my duty as Equestria’s Prince, I accept your terms. You may gangbang me, but please let me live.”

…

The heck? “Uh… Sorry, I think I misheard you. Could you say that again?”

“I will accept the gangbang, but please spare my life.”

Is he serious? “Right… That’s what I thought you said…”

Silence takes over the room. I try to look at Blueblood, but my eyes keep finding something else to look at. My plan was to use my monster claws to add some gravitas to my third request, act all high and mighty while I’m at it. But this… This is…

Blueblood clears his throat. “So, are you going to do it?”

“Do…?”

“The gangbang.”

I reel back a bit. “No. Just, I… Sweet mercy, no!”

“But I thought you wanted to” –

“You brought it up!” I shout at him. “Why did you bring it up?”

All Blueblood can do is shrug. “Well, you were stressing me out with the lawsuit and all, and I had a stray thought, and I thought people who kidnap princes bring them to the dungeon to” –

I hold up a claw. “No, stop. Stop making this weird.”

“Sure it’s weird now, but it’s a natural thing for some ponies to think about.”

“That just makes it more weird! This is not the situation to bring that up!”

“But I thought” –

“No, I wasn’t. I was on a roll, and I was going to do this badass thing where I hold a monster claw up to your throat to scare the crap out of you. And then I’d tell you in a deep voice what I want, and you’d do what I want and I’d be on my way.”

“So you don’t want a gangbang?”

I smack my forehead. “No, I don’t want a gangbang. Geez dude, find a girlfriend after I’m done with you. You’re desperate.”

“Then you” –

I wave to cut him off. “Nope, no more talking for you. You make things weird. I’m going to say want I want, and you’re going to do the thing I want.” I clap my claws together, take in a deep breath, and look Blueblood in the eye. “I want you to set Pinkie Pie free.”

A confused look crosses Blueblood’s face. “You want to free Pinkie?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Oh.” Blueblood fidgets with his cushion. “Are you sure you don't want the gangbang?”

"Damn it dude! Enough with the gangbang!" I swear I'm going to crack his skull.

"You might want to reconsider, because freeing Pinkie is nigh impossible right now."

“Why?”

“She’s in Manehattan right now.”

“And that’s a problem because?”

“You do know what’s going on in Manehattan, right?”

“Sure, apparently Pinkie is still there. You know where she is, so go free her.”

“But Manehattan’s a mad house!” Blueblood cries. “The whole island is covered in Blacklight, and the facility containing Pinkie is in the middle of it. I’d lose too many agents trying to get her for you.”

Hmm, that may be a problem. I haven’t bothered to keep up with the Manehattan issue. Didn’t have interest in it. It is quite possible Manehattan went tits up while I wasn’t looking. Hey, it’s not my problem to control. “Why is she in the middle of Manehattan to begin with?”

“Blackwatch still has a station there,” Blueblood says. “They caught her trying to free some ponies in quarantine or something like that. Even if I wanted to, I can’t set her free. She broke Equestrian law trying her little prison break scheme, and Manehattan is thick with the spawn of Tartarus. We can’t get our forces through our own outposts without casualties. You’re asking me to fight tooth and nail to free a high risk criminal. I can’t do that.”

My talons tap on the table. “That’s not the answer I want to hear.”

“There’s nothing else to hear! I can’t risk an extraction operation for one criminal. Our forces are spread thin over the island as it is.”

I point to the sky. “Can’t you send one of those fancy airships of yours to fetch her?”

Blueblood leans in close. “If you knew how bad Manehattan is right now, then you would know why that’s a stupid idea.”

“I’m not asking if my idea is stupid or not,” I say. “I’m telling you to free Pinkie.”

The prince rubs his hooves over his face. “Please don’t kill me over this. There’s nothing I can do right not.”

“Why would I kill you? I still need to get my lawsuit money out of you.”

Blueblood’s head lifts from his hooves, showing his eyes but hiding his mouth. I think I see a little water building up in those eyes.

I look away and pick my talons. “Although, I could eat you and shapeshift into your form. Then I can show up to court as you and forfeit the case. Heck, I could pose as you for a while and play with your money all I want. It’d make things easier for me.”

Blueblood lets out a little whimper. That sound makes me smile.

The satisfaction of a cowering prince doesn’t last long, as the door to the room opens up. I tense up, ready to fight whoever is coming in, but I relax once I see who it is. A familiar purple unicorn, Arctic North, is trotting on in with his nose deep in paperwork.

“Got some bad news for you, prince,” Arctic says as he comes up to the table. “Blacklight mutated again. That cure we were looking at is useless now. Third time this happened this year. I swear that plague is taunting us” – Arctic freezes in place when he looks up and sees what’s going on. His eyes lock on to me. “You’re supposed to be dead!”

“That’s what I thought too,” Blueblood says.

I shrug. “I might be. The afterlife is crap if that’s the case.”

Arctic North points a hoof at me. “But the batter, and the DNA test” –

“I’m still alive,” I say.

Arctic looks at Blueblood. “I think we underestimated her regeneration.”

Blueblood glares at the unicorn. “You think?!”

Arctic’s eyes look off into space, then those eyes take a trip around the room in the most exaggerated eye roll I’ve ever seen. Looks a bit weird. If I knew better, I’d say he’s look at something behind us. Eh, whatever. “Okay Gilda, I know Blueblood looks tasty, and I of all ponies know how much that pain in the neck deserves it” –

“Hey!” Blueblood cries.

“Hush, I’m doing the talking.” Arctic gives the prince a stern look, and the princes holds his lips tight.

I wave a claw. “Relax, I don’t want to eat him. I’m suing him.”

The unicorn’s eyebrow goes up. “Really?”

I nod. “Yep, I’m suing him for damages against my store.”

“Oh right, I did see the carnage.” Arctic looks up as he does some mental math in his head. “I’m guessing it’s around… five hundred thousand?”

“Ten million bits.”

“Oof.” Arctic winces. “That’s a lot.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Blueblood cringe at the number. That’s satisfying to see. “And that’s not all,” I say. “I also want Blackwatch to stop hunting me down.”

“Is that part of the lawsuit?”

“No. It’s part of me not slicing your prince to ribbons.”

Arctic nods. “Fair enough. Anything else you demands?”

“Yea. Free Pinkie Pie.”

“Free Pinkie?”

“You heard me.”

Arctic bites the inside of his cheek. “That’s not an easy thing to do.”

“Blueblood already gave me the rundown.” I lean back on a cushion and cross my arms, not taking my eyes off the unicorn. “But I don't care what either of you have to say. That’s all I want. Do it, and your prince stays alive.”

Arctic tilts his head. “Is Blueblood’s life your only bargaining chip?”

My monster claw grows out, and I press one of the blades against Blueblood’s throat. He yelps as I pull him back. “I’m serious.”

The unicorn shrugs. “Go and have him. I’ll get a few nobles drunk and we’ll have a new batch of princes by the end of the year.”

Blueblood nearly slices his throat from jumping out of my claws. “What?!”

I look at Arctic. “I concur. What?”

“In the eyes of the Princesses, you pose a significant threat to Equestria,” Arctic says. “We can’t afford to stop hunting you down, or free Pinkie for that matter. The life of one prince isn’t going to change anything. In fact, it’ll just further prove how much of a menace you are.” He lowers his head, keeping his gaze on me. “Would you like to try again, Gilda?”

I tap my talon on Blueblood’s throat as I think. He squirms every time I do so. I love doing this to him. Arctic has a point, Blueblood’s death may not change anything. My plan was to force Blueblood to do my bidding, but now that there’s another, smarter, pony in the equation, this makes things complicated. “I could kill you too,” I say.

“Sure, kill both of us,” Arctic says. “If you do, who’s going to give the order to stop hunting you, or free Pinkie for that matter?”

“Orders are easy. I can shapeshift into either of you and give orders that way.”

He grins. “Alright. If you’re going to pose as us, then you’ll need to report to the castle doctor at nine o'clock tomorrow morning for your daily DNA test. It’s something all Blackwatch higher ups do to counteract shape sifters.”

They can check me? Damn it, he’s got me in a bind. I really don’t want to kill anyone if I can, and even if I did, it may not matter. If I’m going to kill a bunch of ponies, I might as well fight Blackwatch and free Pinkie myself. But I’m tired of fighting Blackwatch.

There’s still my last resort.

“The Nexus,” I say.

Arctic’s head tilts up. “Yes?”

“I unleash the Nexus if you don’t give me what I want,” I say. “I know Blacklight came from it. Who knows what else I can take out of it.”

“See, that’s the same problem as before,” Arctic says. “You’re threatening to unleash a catastrophe. It’s the same problem as killing me or Blueblood, but with a lot more people. Nobody is going to do what you say if they’re all dead. That, and it just makes you a bigger threat and gives us less incentive to work with you.”

Another good point. “I’ll do it. Don’t work with me or there will be heck to pay.”

Arctic smiles. “You’re not that kind of person, Gilda. I know that.”

“You don’t know what I can do.”

“I think I know a bit more than you do. For instance, I know how to out-bargain a griffon.”

Arctic North walks up to me. He stands next to Blueblood and touches the throat blade with his hoof. “May I?” he says. Before we say anything, he lightly pushes my blade to the side, freeing Blueblood. With a push of telekinesis, he shoves the prince off the cushion. With Blueblood tripping out of the way, Arctic takes his place on the cushion, putting himself between me and my claw blade.

Damn, I think I just got power played. “Uh, what are you doing?”

“I’m showing you how to actually do a bargain,” the unicorn says with a smile. “I’m putting my life on the table as collateral. You can easily kill me if you want.”

This is far from my original plan. I glance at Blueblood. He’s lying on his back, watching what’s going down. He looks tense. I wonder if he’s just as confused as I am. “Alright. So what’s the bargain?”

Arctic leans the back of his neck against my blade. Really pushing it, man. “You’re a reasonable Griffon, we both know that. You haven’t killed anyone in over a year, even when we ruined your store. The lawsuit is a good idea, a civil way to settle maters. So, let’s settle this civilly. I will command Blackwatch to stop attacking you, and I will free Pinkie Pie, and Blueblood will pay for all expenses of repairing your store” –

Bleublood yells, “I am not agreeing to that!”

Arctic silences the prince with a dash of the hoof. “Let me finish, your highness. In exchange for all you desire, we would like one thing from you.”

He pauses. Oh come on, don’t do a dramatic pause. That’s overrated. “Which is?”

“The Nexus.”

My last resort? Tall order there. “That’s it?”

“Of course you’re still subject to Equestrian law if Princess Luna gets her hooves on you. But Blackwatch won’t bother with you anymore. We’ll say you're not worth the trouble, too many causilties, let the authorities deal with you, something along those lines. And you and Pinkie can live happily in that little bakery of yours.”

“You know that suitcase is my lifeline. I’m going to open it if anyone tries anything funny.”

“You didn’t open it when we ransacked your store,” Arctic points out. “That aside, the Princesses are coming after you whether you have the Nexus or not. In fact, just having it in your possession puts you higher in their priority list. They don’t want it causing chaos. The Nexus is a liability to you.”

I pause to think. I never thought that deeply on the Nexus situation. Luna mentioned it was capable of disasters and I jumped on the idea to try to shake her off of me. With the Nexus, I’m a bigger threat, and big threats have to be taken down for the safety of the country. It may not have been the best idea at the time. Hey, there’s a reason it’s my last resort.

Still though, “What if I don’t want to give it to you?”

Arctic gives me a sly look. “What are you using it for, a mantelpiece? You only see the Nexus as a tool, and you don’t need that tool. I don’t know why else you would hang on to that thing other than for that misguided plan of yours.”

What am I keeping it for, sentimental value? I do look at it as a symbol of what killed Tanya. No, it’s not a symbol. It did kill Tanya, end of story. Is that what the Nexus is, a tool that cut Tanya right in two? Well, when I put it that way. “So the deal is this. I give you the Nexus. You give me Pinkie’s freedom, Blackwatch off my back, and my store expenses all paid up.”

Arctic smiles. “Yes. Is it a deal then?”

Look at him, he knows he’s got me beat in the logic department. When this is all over, I’m getting drunk. Heck, I’m a monster who can’t get drunk. Why can’t I drink forever? That's what I'm going to do after this. “Fine we have a deal.”

“Good.” Arctic raises a hoof for us to shake, but I hold off on it.

“But,” I say, “I give you the Nexus on my terms.”

“Of course,” Arctic says. “Shake it and name it.”

I grab his hoof with my normal claw. “First, we do it tonight, right after this.” We shake once. “Second, we do it alone. Just you and me, no escorts or followers.” We shake twice. “Third, the only people who know about this are in this room. No one else will know.” We shake a third and final time.

Arctic raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure about keeping it a secret with the ponies in this room? You’re asking for a lot there.”

“Are you or Blueblood going to blab to Luna about this?”

“No, we won’t. I accept your terms. I’ll have Blueblood get our side of the deal prepped.” Hoof and claw part ways, and Arctic smiles. “There, doesn’t peaceful resolution feel good?”

I shrug. “Frankly I just don’t want things to spiral out.”

“Doesn’t everyone hope for that?” Arctic North looks behind me and claps his hooves above his head. He shouts past my ear. “Back to your posts everyone! I have this all under control! There’s no need to stick around.”

Confused, I twirl around to see what he’s talking about. My stomach, heart, and lungs all implode from the shock of the sight. Standing behind me is a huge wall of Blackwatch blue-eye goons, all holding magic shooters at me. The wall spans from the ends of the room, forming a tight line of goons with no spaces in between. An unicorn line is crouched in the front row. An earth pony line is standing in the back. A thick pegasi swarm is hovering above everyone’s heads. From my point of view, it looks like a solid black mass with blue dots moving all over the place.

Holy crap, that’s a lot of blue-eyes.

Upon hearing the unicorn’s command, the army of goons shuffles and breaks apart. Clumps of blue-eyes break off the formation and head for the exit as a river. The ground ponies trot alongside the table, and the pegasi float on past above us.

My jaw hangs low, and I look at Arctic North. “How long have they been there?”

Arctic North smiles at me for the umpteenth time tonight. “Blueblood has a charm that sends a signal to Blackwatch whenever he says ‘gang bang.’ It’s a great way of getting him out of danger. We put it to good use every now and then.” Arctic stands up from his cushion and calls out to the army. “Great job everyone! Your speed and discipline is incredible! I’m putting in a good word to all your commanders!”

A lot of the blue-eyes glare at me. One of them juggles a partially eaten apple in his hoof, then chucks it at my face. I wince when the wax fruit smacks me in the beak.

“Don’t mind them. They’re just disappointed.” Arctic says, “They really wanted to kill you tonight. I’m impressed by their discipline. I saw a few of them who were itching to put a bolt in your brain.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“I suppose not. I just love to gush about good discipline.” Arctic taps my claw blade with a hoof. “Do you mind putting this away? The edge is chafing my neck.”

Author's Notes:

Publisher's Notice: Local law enforcement has asked us to message you through the game's update system. Please come out with your hands up. Release your family and come quietly. This isn't a game. You have to face the consequences of your own actions. You escalated the situation too far. If you only abided to the EULA and paid your fines like a good citizen, you wouldn't be in this situation. There is nowhere to run, modder scum. You lost.