Chapter 4

“Hey… Hey! HE- Oh you know what? AJ, go get the water ready.”

Skittles? Wait...waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait… IM STILL IN EQUESTRIA?!? Breathe, come on, stay calm… Stay. Calm.

“Ahlright! Here it is!”

“Awesome, let me see it.”

I swear, on my auntie's grave, and on the many others, that I will kill that fucking Rainbow. I could understand poking me awake, and yes, maybe doing a harmless shaving cream hand slap. But, to go as far as DRENCHING ME IN WATER?

I applaud her enthusiasm. But dear, it will take more than that to awake me.

So that's what I'm pretty sure happened. It took two to tango, and just one of the two to pour the water. I was soaked instantly, and much to my charigin, I heard two sets of laughter.

“Heheh...he...he's still asleep. Why… Is he still asleep?”

Who's laughing now? You wouldnt believe how many times someone has tried that trick. Worked the first few times, failed the rest. And it's because I'm tired you arrogant asshole. Now leave.

“You could always ask him nicely to wake up.”

Pfft.

“Yeah, right. So, you expect me to say please?”

It would be a start. And would probably make my morning, jjuuusssttt a little bit better. I waited in a silence before the voice of all bitchiness sighed,

“Please, wake up.”

… Must I? Ah crap… No… DON'T OPEN YOUR EY-

Fluttershys house, I was on the couch, my chest and top portion of my boxers were wet. On top of my head was a parakeet, sitting daintily on my toe was one of those weird… Flying rat things..

Ratbirds?

“Rainbow Dash, Skittles, A.K.A Bitch. Why. Oh dear god why. Did you think pouring water over me was a good idea?”

I jerked my gaze to the left to see Skittles hovering lazily, a bored expression on her face,

“I was tired of poking you.”

“And so water was a choice.”

Dash shrugged, “At the time. Yes.”

I narrowed my eyes, “Fuck you.”

She raised her hooves, “Hey now, don't be like that. You'll dry…”

I sat up and showed her my dripping form.

“Eventually.” She added with a growing smile.

Oh…. Please let me smack a hoe and be done with it. PLEASE. My guess was that these two jokesters… Applejack included, had something planned. After all, they did wake me up.

Eventually however, I sighed through my nostrils and rubbed my face,

“What time is it? Feels early.”

Applejack snorted and took the jug of wat- THEY USED A JUG?!? THAT THING'S BIGGER THAN MY CHEST!!

“It's about six. And a might’ walk to Twilights. We made sure you was up and on time.”

See? I nodded and shivered, “Yeah, and you probably wanted to make sure Fluttershy was alright.”

“Now what makes you think that?”

I crossed my arms and raised a brow, “Because you threatened to kick my ass the other day? Why is every single pony here daft? My god, you made the threat!”

Applejack merely smirked and flicked her tail as she disappeared into the Kitchen,

“Well, she's alright. I don't hafta do anything to ya. Right now anyways.”

“Making me feel real nice about myself.”

Great. Thus begone of one pony, I cracked my neck and sat down, the squish that came with it, reminded me that I needed to dry quickly. Or at the least put some clothes on.

“Alright… Just… Let me get dressed. And fucking sulk towards the fact that I'm still here, in your world.”

Skittles smiled, “Don't take too long.”

I flicked her on the nose as I scooted past her, earning a vicious stare, “Unless you plan on joining me, I won't.”

O.o.O.o.O

I grunted as I began to climb the steps towards the bathroom. I had in my hands, my dried clothes. I have to remember to thank Shy pony for being nice enough to hang up my attire. Although they had been outside, drying during the nighttime, I was at least lucky today was hot. So, With the goal of looking at least presentable, I walked into the bathroom.

This, was not your, typical morning. Besides from the amount of animals I had to push myself past, the only thing I could at least count as normal, was really, the awful thought of my breakfast cravings.

I had believed, for about a minute, that I was home. It was all the same, the birds, then there was the sun rays, and of course, the distant chatter of… Squirrels… Besides that, and adding it onto my plate to eat for lunch, I recalled earlier events.

Well… I dont think i should right now. Nothing to recall really. Ive only been here a day and i want to hurl myself out the nearest window. So I let myself sigh in agony because of my position.

Shutting the door, I laid out my attire. It had dried, thankfully, but I was resilient on doing the pants. My boxers were still wet, and I was kind of soaked. With quick thinking, I took a nearby towel and used it to try and soak up as much as I could.

I discarded the towel neatly afterwards, and tried to put on the sh-

“You done yet?”

Out of all the moments in the day, out of every minute in one hour, WHY NOW?! I could feel my eyes roll over several times before I answered,

“Would it make you feel ANY better if say no?”

As I put my blue button-up on, I heard Skittles sigh, “Now that I think about it…”

“PISS OFF SKITTLES!!”

There was a short bout of laughter that faded away slowly. When it disappeared, I slammed on my trousers and socks, pulling my shoes on without effort.

Fucking… rainbolic bastard…

Finally done with the clothing, I exited the bathroom, my mood slowly dropping when I saw Fluttershy standing at the foot of her door.

She looked rather down, couldn't blame her, I was too. But from the look on her face, I'd say that there was another reason. Her eyes averted mine, and somehow, she didn’t hide behind her mane… still, she mumbled out a,

“Oh hello Tick.”

Blinking, I waved and tried my best to smile, “Hey Fluttershy… I uh… Nice morning?”

“Oh… Yes… It's um… Quite lovely… The sun I mean.”

So it's gonna be one of these conversations. Okay. Fluttershy moved to the left and looked away, allowing me to clear my throat, hopefully ending this conversation,

“So uh… Shy. Thanks. For letting me stay. I uh…” I scratched the back of my head as Fluttershy blushed, “Appreciate it. Hopefully I can make it up to you.”

Fluttershy smiled awkwardly, “No worries Tick. It was my pleasure…”

Chuckling, I nodded whilst clearing my throat, “Yep. So uh… See ya later!”

I didn't really wait for her response, and in truth, I don't think she wanted to either, because at about the same time, She went into the bathroom, and I chucked myself down the stairs in an unorderly fashion. The result was me about face planting the bottom of the steps.

Amidst landing at the bottom, I cursed several of my ancestors and decided to look up from the floor. Dash and Applejack were both waiting, the bitchier of the two eventually checking her forearm, as if she had a flipping watch.

“You ready to go now?”

Shutting my eyes, I counted to twenty one and smiled, “Yes, Dash, by all means, escort me to Twilight. Without breakfast I might add.”

Dash shared a look to Applejack who in turn nodded, randomly pulling a… An apple out. Peachy. I'm gonna have to figure out the logic on that one.

Applejack tossed it to me with a grin, “Twilight’s got breakfast ready at her place. That's just ta get ya started.”

“Okay? Feeling like I'm being rationed… Thanks Jack.” I added nonchalantly.

“Its Applejack.”

I shrugged and took a bite of the apple, “I've already made nicknames for five of you. Just need to come up with a nickname for Rarity…”

I tapped my chin as both mares sighed, “Maybe I should call her Rare… Tit? Eh… I'll do it later.”

“Yeah, that's cool, can we like, get outta here? It's not that I don't like Flutters house, I just really want to go back to my cloud.”

I stopped midchew, my eyes slowly falling onto the multicolor mare, seems AJ had the same idea. Both Applejack and I gave Dash a glare, the former being the one to trot out of the door first.

As we exited, both mares shouted their goodbyes and left their friend in her house. AND SO! ADVENTURE!

Oh joyous day, this was gonna be fun.

O.o.O.o.O

“And that's how I totally saved us. Pretty cool right?”

Ugh… if there's one thing I hate more than her attitude, it's moreover on how much she brags. Good Christ. First, she bragged about how fucking large she made the storm the other day, ending it with her prowess on the story now.

“Uh huh… Very cool. Say, how about shutting the fuck up? Hm? That sound cooler?” I said, lips pursed tightly.

AJ agreed, probably all the way judging from the actions her eye did, twitching and all. But Dash laughed and did a few flips in midair,

“Oh come on, ya gotta admit, it was pretty awesome.”

AJ sighed, “Y’know, I hafta agree with Tick, Dash. I don't remember runnin’ away from Discord with mah tail between mah hooves.”

Well, hopefully you can make sense of what she has said, because in due respects, I had NO idea what had happened. One minute, I'm walking out Fluttershys house, onto my way towards Twilights. The next glorious moment, Dash ends up riveting both AJ and I with one of her, Tails. Yes, I fucking punned. Get over it.

Her story, “quote, end quote”, Involved her friends, but portrayed herself as the hero. If you catch my drift, making sails towards the answer, you'll recognize the fact that I payed absolutely no attention, and ended up wasting about half an hour of my life. At least we were closer to Twilight's than before! YAY.

Now, thanks to our event equalizing equine, and her plagiarism, I had to give more attention to what was going on around me. Which, mind, was hard to do when I wanted to punch the next thing I saw.

Basically it was the ponies… But then I kept replaying the words of Rarity over and over again…

So I resorted to smoking. Haphazardly, I nearly dropped my pack into a puddle while lighting myself. Thankfully, I was able to catch it.

God help this world if I can't smoke.

We passed by the food court again, my mouth instantly watered when we walked nearby that Gingerbread house. Sugarcube Corner.

Talk about a sweet name. Oh wait. Didn't I already make that pun?

Sorry, I'll kill myself later.

The day before, I remember recalling the different structural anomalies that stood out from the colorful village I was in, those respectively being, Sugarcube Corner, the Forest, and that Tree/house.

Well, if my info serves me right, Twilight lives in that tree. Apparently, said tree, was a library. And said library was about half a mile from where Fluttershy lived. But we three jocks made good time.

Let me tell you though. I ran into, quite literally, several interesting characters amidst our trek. I met a mailmare named Derpy, who was very sweet enough to leave me with a muffin more than I needed. She was… Different. But I couldn't let my assholic nature get the best of myself. Even though she crashed into me...

The… One I want to forget the most, was a literal pink furball. Like, that's all she was. She was bright, pink, fluffy, and for some reason, couldn't talk. Instead of words, she used her tounge. It was adorable and Rainbow Dash knew what she was saying. So I guess all was well. I even joined in on her speech after a while.

“I don't, ‘pfffbbttt’, understand, ‘pffbbbbtt’,”

It went like that.

The next was a character I could've sworn made me swallow my cigarette, being an almost exact acting Dr. Who. Turns out, his name was Doctor Whooves or a rather. His job was keeping that clock above Town Hall in check. He was probably a busy guy, and he had time I couldn't waste, so I made sure not to run into him.

We passed by the townlier portion of Ponyville, where almost all the ponies lived; after about ten minutes into Dash's story. There, after meeting the three interesting ponies, I bumped into a white mare with headphones on. What was she listening to anyways? They're called headphones for a reason!

Regardless, I now refer to any mind fucks I run across, as Equestrian Logic. It's actually quite simple, and very useful to whip out and use against anyone.

The next few I ran into knew Applejack and Rainbow Dash very well, amazingly. But they stopped and took a moment to look the other thing walking with them over a couple of times.

Look, I'm not an attraction, nor am I anything that fucking scary. STOP STARING.

God.. these ponies get on my nerves. I wish I could walk two feet without being stared at by every living being I see!

I kept walking, wishing I could punch the fuck out of these ponies.. and Skittles…

But thankfully, I was graced with the wholehearted interruption of a Pie, that was Pink. Again, if I were to guess on how, or even when she did it, I would point you in the direction of Equestrian Logic. So to put in short terms, 3.14 turned up, and I was alarmed seeing her face pop from above me,

“HI!”

It was either the way she presented it, or how she suddenly appeared, Blue eyes and all. And because of so, I wasn't able to formulate a response quick enough, so it came out like,

“ERMEHGERDWHATINTHEFUUU?!?”

Pinkie hopped off my.. forehead.. however in the hell she'd managed to do that, and landed neatly in front of me.

“HI!” She repeated.

I blinked, “Pinkie… Uh… Hi. Nice of you to… drop by.”

“Yep! I heard Dashie and Applejack were taking ya to Twilights! Thought I tag along too!”

It's the logic, really, that utterly kills my mind, reducing it to nothing but rubble like a fallen building. As she responded, I couldn't help but allow my mind to drift, causing my mouth to drop, this inducing the cigarette falling out.

“Right. That's great, um. Let me just,” I turned and said lowly so 3.14 couldn't hear,

“One of you? Explain.”

“Pinkie being Pinkie.”

“A liable answer Skittles. I mean, why the fuck is she following us? How did she even know where to find me?”

Applejack shrugged, “Its one of them Pinikie moments, Tick. She just does what she wants.”

With a sigh, I rubbed my face and thought of another Logic besides Equestrian. I now refer to it as Pinkie Logic. So far, I really haven't been able to comprehend what she even does. Regardless, I watched as Pinkie fell in line with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, as we all continued across a bridge of sorts.

And there it was.

So, my definition of a tree house, is literally, a small, built together house inside of a tree. Now, some people, pointing appendages anywhere, like to take tree houses to whole new levels, in which I find amazing actually.

Ive actually been inside of a spherical dome inside of a tree. If I recall correctly, it was pure white, had windows, and was really big. It looked like a huge bird came by and dropped an egg inside the tree. But again, it wasn't just a tree house, that dome had evertthing you could need.

A bed, couch, bookshelves, EVEN A FRIDGE!! But the cost of having to build such a home, requires it being placed inside of a tree that could support its weight. So, the climb to the abode was quite the risk taker.

However, never have I ever seen someone hollow a tree out and build inside of it. Until now that is.

It was an Oak, from the looks of it, and had some neutral things like windows and that door in the front. Then of course, as I looked up, there was a balcony that led into some sort of room.

Huh… Cool.

To start off such an observation, I stated the obvious, “Okay. So we have here, a Tree Library. Very nice. Should I be worried about falling branches?”

Dash flew beside me, “No. Not really. Now the books are a different subject.”

“Good to know.”

The three mares took lead, all of them entering casually. It took me a moment to realize that Pinkie had already knocked on the door. The conversation between the three of them spurred my curiosity,

“Where's Spike?”

“Over at Rarity’s for the day.”

Spike? Is that another pony? Pfft, weird name. Anyways, I entered after them, shutting the door with a sniff.

The inside was spacious, and I might add quite… Treeish. Its what you'd actually think was inside of a tree really. There was a second floor, added on top of it was probably where Twilight slept.

I haven't seen her hide yet, so that's what my assumption is.

There was another portion that made me go, ‘ahh’, in which I now know why they called it the… Golden Oak Library? Anyway, there was a section just for books.

Reminded me of my high school library.

The three mares took refuge on a couch, placed somewhere in the middle of the room, immediatly striking up some kind of conversation amongst themselves.

Beeside that couch, was the… Kitchen? Hold up..

HOLD UP.

Let me do the math… Two plus two equals four… Carry the three, add two more and… Yep. I can't really do math at a time like this. Who the hell places a KITCHEN, inside of a tree?!

Answer? Fucking Equestria does ladies and gents! Hold your applause.

“Oh hello girls!...” Amidst my rambling, Twilight had appeared from the upstairs, her room obviously. She had a sleep deprived face and was rather jerkish in her movements.

Wait for it.

“Tick.”

I laughed and turned, throwing my arms out, “Miss Sparkle! A pleasure! How do you fare this fine morning?”

Heh. Mission accomplished in making her hella confused,

“F-fine…”

Twilight looked different today, her hair was all frizzled, eyes were darting back and forth, and I was quite certain that she was shaking. Oh god, who gave the unicorn caffeine?

Clasping my hands together, I nodded, “Good morning nonetheless, Twilight.”

“Yes… I'm glad to see that Applejack and Rainbow Dash could get you up. And early, I might add.”

I shrugged as I looked for a place to plant my ass, “Well, they were very eager in their attempts on getting me up. Case in point, water, is not a good thing to wake up to.”

Twilight let the realization sink in, and had to hold in her laughter, “They… Poured water on you?”

I raised a brow, “Yeah? But that didn't work out well for them. Dash had to end up saying please.”

Said mare stuck her tounge out at me.

Twilight smiled, shaking her head as she sat in a chair, “Well, I just want you to answer a few things, maybe talk with us more…”

“Uh huh. Talk, right…”

“Anyways…”

As she spoke, I took the comfy chair that was behind me and popped a cigarette out,

“Ask away, Twilight.”

“You never answered my first question.”

I lit myself up, “You’re being very vague Twilight.”

Twilight deadpanned, “Funny. Tick, what are you?”

I inhaled albeit quickly, ending up nearly hacking a lung, “I don't seem to comprehend what your question is.”

Twilight blinked and quickly formulated a response, “Well… You're different. Not in a mean way. But physically different. You aren't a Minotaur, definitely not a changeling…”

I stopped coughing and chuckled, “Changeling? Minotaur? Jeez, look at those ugly bastards, and then me. Compared to them, I'm like a model.”

Pinkie waved from the couch, “Don’t let Rarity catch ya saying that!”

I smiled, “Thanks Pinks.”

Twilight looked behind herself and then towards me, “Well understand where I'm coming from. I was up most of yesterday night looking through countless books, trying to figure out what you were.” She looked defeated, “I couldnt find anything.”

Twilight then gazed at me with curious eyes, “But you have an answer right? Or are you going to beat around the bush?”

Sighing, I rubbed my forehead, “Alright. Guess it wouldn't hurt to tell. How do I uh… Explain this… oh, I got it. I'm a… God I'm gonna hate myself for this, Human.”

Twilights eyes sparked with recognition, “Human? That's what you are?”

I blinked, “Uh, pretty sure, yeah.”

“Wow. Okay, it appears I owe Lyra seventy bits…”

I raised an eyebrow, “Lyra?”

Twilight nodded, “Yes, Hearthstrings, an, enthusiast of sorts.”

I smirked, “Sounds creepy enough.”

Twilight snickered, “Quite. But beyond that. I believe Lyra, unfourtunately, can fill me in on the more greater details pertaining to your kind.”

“Now you're making me out to be useless.”

Dash perked up, “The apple's not to far from the tree, Tick.”

Looking over Twilight, I frowned, “I’m not the one who knocked it down Skittles.”

When no one rebuked, Twilight turned and hopped off her seat, making way for the kitchen, “I have more questions for you. But... somethings a bit more serious, Tick.”

I rolled my eyes, “Goodie. I'm guessing you can take me home? But at the cost of something…” I rubbed my chin, “I can't offer my dick… That's kinda weird…” The looks on everyone's faces was well worth the phrase.

“If I said I could take you home, I would be lying to you,” Twilight said as she trotted back from the kitchen, she had in her magical grasp; tea, “So, the truth, is Princess Celestia, My mentor, and teacher, is coming to Ponyville.”

Twilight offered me the drink, to which I raised an answer, “Uh huh. You said she was coming in a few days.” As I took the drink from her, Twilight shook her head,

“That was before she knew something else came for the ride. The reason I wanted you here, was to meet her.”

Oh… Quick question, Exactly, how the hell did this day escalate? Like, seriously. One minute, im being awoken by a pegasus.

Okay.

Then, I have an awkward delusion with Shy.

Alright.

Next, Pinkie Happens.

Which Im still trying to figure out how that happened…

Now, I gotta meet some Princess of the Sun. (According to Fluttershy, that's who she was)

So, I was curious. I asked who Celestia was the other day with Fluttershy. She responded with some mumbo jumbo about a wonerful pony, and mother to all. And it went on from there. Although, it was that one conversation after the incident, that escalated towards something else entirely.

I was intrigued at the perspective of who this Princess was, and it got even more interesting when Shy told me what she does as princess, because apparently, some magical unicorn/pegasus can raise and lower the sun. As pitious as it sounds, said Princess is the ruler of this kingdom, and is quite powerful. Obviously a shitty teacher for Twilight, but powerful.

Now, back to what was happening, Twilight had seriously caught my attention, and as for the rest of her friends, she had their looks too. Seeing this, Twilight looked around and said quickly,

“So you can see why I wanted to ask you some things before she gets here.”

I scoffed, “Well hell Twi, You got me in another knot here, and I can't fucking get out! Do I just look like an idiot and say nothing when a princess strolls in?”

Twilight pursed her lips, “Well…”

“How long have you known this?”

Twilight looked as if she were doing math inside her head, “Oh… About… Thirteen Hours?”

“...What time is she coming by?”

Twilight blushed, “She's… Already here.”

Author's Notes:

If you guessed,
(This chapter wasn't that funny... Why the hell is it placed in comed-)
Stop right there :D
The next chapter, is being written right now.
Celestia is in it, if you haven't known already, and... Is quite entertaining so far.
But anyways, HOPEFULLY, you enjoyed, stay tuned for the next installment!
Keep on Derping!