"You want me to come with you to the spa?" Searing asked.

"Yeah," I said as I led her out of the Carne Den. I was dressed for the cool weather with my winter fur qipao set and she had a fur coat. It wasn't hard for her to get one when she was in her unicorn form, after all. "I know it's kind of random-"

"I've seen randomness."

"Oh yeah, that children's card game. Anyways, there's a few ponies there that I want you to meet. If any of them ask, and they probably won't, you're my bodyguard."

"Not entirely wrong," she conceded after a moment. "Not that you really need one, though."

"No, not really, but winter is nigh, and I can't handle the cold very well. If someone were to come after me, I wouldn't be able to fight back as well."

"So I'm basically your battle buddy?"

I thought about her wording for a minute as we walked into town. "If you decide to be my battle buddy, then you can stay at my place full time."

"But. . . I was just about to go looking for another house. I don't want to be in your hair for too long."

"Hey, it's fine. Asada likes you too, so there's no problem there."

The rest of the walk to the spa was filled with assurances from me about my offer, followed by relative silence. It wasn't long before we arrived at the spa.

"Yang Xiao Long and Searing Victory?" Aloe asked at the desk.

"That's us," I said.

"If you would like to change into your swimsuit, Ms. Xiao Long, I'll let the rest of your party know you're here."

"Swimsuit?" Searing asked as Aloe left.

"Yeah, I'm really not comfortable without one here. Heh. It's kind of funny, isn't it? I come to the spa for quality treatment and cleaning and I wear something that gets in the way of that."

Searing smiled at the notion. "It is kind of funny."

"Anyways, just let me go get changed real quick." I went into the restroom and got into my Tiger Shark swimsuit as quickly as I could. I was still amazed that Rarity had managed to produce such a piece for me. After I made sure that all my things were bundled together just right and that Mei was on my head, I stepped out. "So, what do you think, Searing?"

Searing looked the swimsuit over. "Who, dare I ask, designed that?"

"Rarity, after I gave her a challenge. Why do you ask?"

"Because I kind of want one now. I know it makes no sense, but. . . Well, I spent over a month swimming in phys ed class and the idea of a swimsuit kind of grew on me. Routines, you know?"

"Yeah, I understand."

"I still don't understand why some girls went with bikinis, though. There were two instances of wardrobe failure in that class, both with a bikini top coming off. Coach Isamu was professional about it, at least."

"Good thing. Anyways, off to the spa!"

Aloe showed up at that exact moment. "The rest of your party is waiting, Ms. Xiao Long. If you'll follow me?"

"Gladly." I set my bundle of stuff in the usual spot and followed her to a door labelled 'GGS'.

I entered and greeted everyone. "Good evening, everyone."

"Good evening, Yang," Celestia said.

Luna took a sip of her coffee. "Good evening as well."

Twilight didn't even pull her head out of her notebook. "Good evening."

Searing looked at the unadorned princesses with a slack jaw. "Y-you didn't tell me we were meeting with royalty!"

"They're friends."

"Three. Bucking. Princesses!"

"They're friends who happen to be Princesses. What, do you suddenly feel underdressed?"

"Yes!" She looked over the unadorned Princesses again. "Somehow!"

I smugly smiled inside and kindly smiled outside. "I have another swimsuit in with my stuff. Just talk to one of the spa sisters and they'll let you get it."

Searing gave me a flat glare before leaving. "Why does it always seem like everyone has something planned for me?"

Celestia gave me an inquisitive look. "Dare I ask what that was about?"

"That's a story for her to tell. It's a very bizarre story."

"Indeed it is," Luna said as she drained the rest of her coffee. "I have seen her dreams, and bizarre is only one of many words that can be used to merely start describing it. I am glad that I do not have to deal with this Tzeentch entity. His mere visage would induce nightmares in our subjects."

"How about we start this little event, hm?" Celestia asked.

"Sounds good." I set Mei on a table and she appeared on the edge of the pool, less than a foot tall and wearing a tasteful bikini and sarong. The empty line art style didn't work perfectly with the look, but I wasn't about to complain.

"Hello, Your Highnesses," Mei said.

"Hi, Mei," Twilight said.

I decided to take the initiative and slid into the pool first. To my delight, Tiger Shark worked exactly as designed, and even more importantly, the water was delightfully warm. "Ah, this is wonderful."

The Princesses followed my lead and were promptly relaxing in the water. "I don't care what kind of harshness comes from the press tomorrow, this is worth it," Celestia said.

"Well spoken, Tia," Luna said as she relaxed too. "Twilight, put your notes away and enjoy the water."

"Luna, this history will not reconstitute itself," Twilight said, still behind her notebook. "Timelines and events must be properly catalogued."

Searing showed up in her human form with her Tiger Shark swimsuit on, sporting blue mesh filled cuts instead of the yellow on mine. She slid in and sat next to me, and she saw Mei. "What's that?" Searing asked.

"That's Mei," I said. "You Mei have heard me talking with her at night."

Mei facepalmed. "You see what I have to put up with?"

Luna looked to Twilight and took matters into her own hooves, teleporting the bookworm's papers away. Twilight looked ready to object when she saw Searing. "I missed something, didn't I?"

"More like you haven't heard the story yet," Luna said. "Then again, it's not exactly being distributed either."

"I much prefer being a unicorn," Searing said. "What is this GGS anyways?"

"It's the Grand Galloping Spala," Celestia said. "Yang came up with the name."

"As if the pun didn't make it obvious enough," Mei snarked.

"The Grand Galloping Gala, also known as The Eternal Borefest to us, is going on back at Canterlot Castle," Luna explained. "We decided to skip it this year and take a spa trip instead, just us royalty. Yang talked her way onto the secret short attendance list somehow. . ."

"I knew nothing," I defended.

"I did nothing," Twilight added before briefly glancing at Searing. ". . . I did nothing twice."

"Of course," Luna continued.

"I have no complaints," Celestia said. "Besides, with all of us here, it makes things much more cozy." She turned to me. "That being said, Yang, why did you bring her along?"

"Searing's my bodyguard/battle buddy," I answered. "That, and after her little trip and having her house foreclosed, I figured she needed something relaxing."

"You just wanted to bring me along," Searing retorted.

"I just wanted to bring her along. And she does have some experience in politics."

"Oh?" Celestia's intrigue wasn't concealed in the slightest. "Please give us the details, Searing."

"Do you want the whole trip or just the politics?" Searing asked.

"The whole-"

"Politics!" Luna interjected. "Please, just the politics."

Celestia turned to her sister. "You don't want to hear the whole story?"

Luna got serious. "I've seen and soothed enough of her dreams in recent nights to know enough, and trust me when I say that you really don't want to know. Especially Tzeentch and his games."

"But-"

"You don't. Want. To know."

Searing started her story. "So it started when I was elected President of the student council. . ."

". . . And I was basically the laziest and most effective President in the history of the student council. The power grabbers were the only ones really upset at me."

"And what of Midnight Stroll?" Luna asked.

"After we left prom, we had milkshakes with my double and some. . . Unexpected friends. Once the place closed for the night, we went our separate ways. I never heard anything from him after that."

"I'm willing to say she has more experience in politics than I do," I admitted. "She dealt with it for quite a few months while I've only done, what, a few weeks total, a month at most?"

"That was just internal school politics Searing dealt with, Yang," Celestia pointed out. "Not the national level material you've helped with."

"She still did it for far longer than I did, and with fewer preconceived notions going into it. Presumably."

"I was baited into it by a revenge offer," Searing said. "What's that tell you?"

"Why you go into politics is only part of what should be judged," Luna pointed out. "What you do with that power is where your colors really show. Tia has those who oppose her rulings, sometimes on very logical grounds, but she does not silence them. The same applies to me. Additionally, we are very well aware that the act of covering something or silencing somepony can, in a humorous twist, be more revealing than what was covered up. The Straying Sand Effect, I believe it's called now." Luna looked to the youngest Princess. "You've been very quiet, Twilight."

Twilight jumped a little at being addressed. "Huh? Oh! I was just thinking about Searing's story." She turned to the red woman next to me. "You said you had milkshakes at the end with Midnight, your double, and some unexpected friends. What school did your double go to?"

Searing raised an eyebrow. "Why do you want to know?"

"Curiosity."

Searing sighed. "Canterlot High. Happy?"

Twilight briefly teleported a notepad in, made a note, and teleported it away. "That's one more project for later."

I decided it was time to change the topic. "So! We're here to relax and get treated, right? Let's do that."

"An excellent idea, Yang," Celestia said. "How about we start with a bubble bath? I looked over the available scents and the lavender jasmine sounds excellent." A round of agreements came from everyone except Mei, who couldn't smell anything at all.

Two minutes later, the spa sisters worked their magic, mixing the pleasantly scented bubbling soap into the water. "That was a good choice, Celestia," I said. "Maybe. . ." A yawn escaped me. "A bit too good. . ." I pulled Searing closer and rested my head on her shoulder.

"No." Searing pulled away and I fell into the water, waking me up pretty quickly.

After a bit of effort to get some water out of my nose and a brief round of coughs, I turned to Searing. "What was that for?"

"I'm your battle buddy, not your snoozing shoulder. Also, you're in the presence of royalty. Why would you fall asleep in front of royalty?"

"Well. . . I usually doze off when I come here. And the royalty in question are friends."

"You fall asleep here?" Celestia asked. "Regularly?"

"Yeah. Usually when they start on my hair, sometimes before. It's very relaxing."

Luna raised a forehoof. "I hereby declare a nappening to be happening! And I know the perfect arrangement!" Her horn lit up and she started moving us around. Searing wound up on my right and Celestia was on my left. Twilight was opposite Celestia and Luna was opposite Searing. "'Tis perfect!" With a bit more magic, we were all pulled closer together.

"I know I shouldn't question royalty-" Searing started.

"Please, do question royalty," Celestia said. "It's good for us."

"But why am I stuck with Yang?"

"A simple answer," Luna said. "Twilight is with Tia because she was her student. Tia is with Yang for extra comfort. Yang is with you because you two look good together. And you're with me so I can make sure you don't leave."

"Really?"

"And to respond to any odd dreams of yours more quickly. Mei?"

"Yes, Luna?" Mei asked.

"When the spa sisters come back, ask them to take care of all our manes with whatever product Yang uses."

"Luna, I really, really want to order something from you," Searing halfheartedly seethed.

"And why would that be?"

"Because you are being a total shipper right now."

Mei facepalmed. "The terrible pun infection claims yet another."

"Ah, wordplay! Still, comfort reigns, Tia and Twilight are already asleep, and the temptation to join them is powerful. Like so!" Luna quickly put her head on Searing's shoulder and closed her eyes.

Searing turned to me. "Yang?"

"Yes, Searing?" My response was followed up by a yawn.

"Did you plan this?"

"Nope." I leaned back into Searing and dozed off again.

I woke up in the dreamscape. "Luna?"

"Yes, Yang?"

"Why the shipping?" An Amazon truck drove by us at the question.

"You two look great together."

"I'm not denying that. What I want to know is why you're playing matchmaker all of a sudden."

"If you two are going to be battle buddies, as you described it, you two need to trust each other enough to-"

I cut her off with a flat glare. "It's an impulse thing, isn't it?"

"It is an impulse thing. And a tactical thing. If you two stay together and form an emotional connection, then you'll be able to better fight off anything that approaches and cover each others' weaknesses."

"Luna, if your goal is to have us kiss, you're doing a pretty bad job of the subtle nudge bit. You're using a sledgehammer for a chisel job. It's so clear what you're doing, birds are flying into it." The sound of a bird hitting a window punctuated my statement. "Seriously, why?"

Luna got serious. "You really want to know? Alright. Searing missed you a lot during her bizarre trip, and maaay have developed some feelings for you that she's been largely ignoring or suppressing. Probably. There was a lot of tight shiny stuff."

"She was exposed to the internet. You spend enough time there, and it. . ."

"Warps you?"

"Shapes you. There's a lot on there."

"As I can imagine. You do realize the internet existed here before, right?"

"Oh yeah, the long ago stuff."

"The things the ponies devised back then were truly incredible. In particular, Firebrand's advances in prosthetics, armor, and weaponry were truly nothing short of revolutionary. Tia and I were even offered custom prosthetics of our own, but we turned the offer down, content as we were. Enough about the past, though. Rest well, Yang." Luna departed and a comfortable darkness overtook the realm.

I woke up on a bench some time later with some towels draped over me and a folded one under my head. A glance to the side revealed Searing, in her unicorn form, quietly talking with the Princesses about something, all four of them in the water.

"Hello, sleeping beauty," Mei said as soon as she appeared, sitting on my chest.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked.

"About two hours. They woke up twenty minutes ago."

"Just another spa session." As I sat up, Mei blinked out and the towels slid onto my lap. After putting them to the side, I got up and sat on the floor next to the mares in the water. "Hey."

"Hello, Yang," Celestia said. "Feeling refreshed?"

"As usual. How's the Spala going?"

"'Tis a grand success!" Luna exclaimed. "We are, unfortunately, missing the fine food and drink." Celestia whispered something in Luna's ear. "Fortunately, we are missing it. That's what I meant."

"I'm sure Pinkie would be willing to oblige us if we went to Sugarcube Corner after we finish up here," Twilight said. "Knowing her, she may already have some snacks lined up just in case we show up."

Pinkie stood by the oven, humming a happy little tune as the batch of perfectly delicious, perfectly sized, perfectly sweet, perfectly normal cupcakes were baking. Then she did a double take when she noticed the story was focusing on her. "There's nothing going on here, reader. Go back to the spa."

"That sounds like a good way to wrap this up," I agreed. "I presume you've already taken care of all the normal important gala stuff?"

The alicorns laughed at the question while Searing was befuddled. "Oh Yang, you really should know by now," Celestia said. "Nothing important happens at the gala. Ever."

"I'm sorry for asking such a pointless question." A new question came to mind. "Hey, important thing: I've already beaten. . . Seven of these evils. Any idea on what the next one might be?"

Luna took up the question. "I have been going through Tia's memories in search of answers. I haven't found anything solid, but something about the short lived Equestrian age of piracy caught my interest."

"Piracy?" Searing asked. "I was a pirate for a couple months."

"I don't remember much about that period," Celestia admitted.

"We were very busy at the time," Luna said. "The age of piracy was so short lived because it came about during a bigger problem: a plague of undead."

"Were the pirate ships eaten by zombies?" Searing asked.

"Yes, they were. How did you know?"

"I saw it happen once. Then the crew was eaten by alligators."

"Oh. Part of your adventure with Discord?"

"Yeah. I had fun being a pirate. Would you like to hear about it?"

After Searing told her story of life on the high seas, we decided to pack it up and call the Grand Galloping Spala done, or at least the spa part of it. Once we were ready to go (a process that was mostly them waiting for me to get dressed), we left the spa. It was dark, had gotten significantly colder, and was snowing. I pulled up my hood and mask and followed the mares through town, the only sound between us being the occasional crunch of snow and dead grass.

The walk was brief, and the inside of Sugarcube Corner was warm, welcoming, and filled with sweet scents. Pinkie was at the counter. "Ohai!" She cheerfully greeted us when we came up. "What would you like? We have a sweet selection of drinks and desserts tonight, as we always do."

Mei, back to her normal look, appeared on the counter just to facepalm at the tasteful wordplay before disappearing.

Celestia went first. "Do you have any banana cream pie?"

"One slice?" Pinkie asked.

"One pie."

"Next?"

Luna went next. "I'll have one slice of dark chocolate cake, if you have any."

"But of course. Ooh, I had a slice of that a few days ago with peanut butter chips on it and MMM! It was good."

Luna considered it for exactly one approximate moment. "You have convinced me."

"The usual, Twilight?"

"The usual," Twilight said.

"Yang?"

"Hot chocolate. Biggest size you've got."

"Searing?"

Searing was briefly taken aback by Pinkie remembering her name before collecting herself and placing her order. "One slice of cheesecake."

"What toppings would you like?"

"Yes."

"Alright. 50 bits, please."

Celestia put a dozen silver coins on the counter and we went to a corner booth. The royalty sat together while Searing and I were next to each other. I found myself paying more attention to Searing than I probably would have if Luna hadn't been so blatant in her shipping.

It wasn't long before our orders arrived. I hid behind my drink and tuned out the talking ponies as I contemplated things. "Luna admitted to the shipping, but she made some good points too. Heck, I invited her to live under my roof. I even had another Tiger Shark made just for her and brought it to the spa just in case. Why?" I cast a sideways glance to the red unicorn with an English accent. "Please just let this be some stray thoughts."

"Well, that was a nice, quiet event," I said as Searing and I walked home. "A spa trip, a nap, and dessert with friends."

"Royalty," Searing asserted. "With a shipper on deck."

I heard the muttered sentence. "Yeah, Luna wasn't too subtle about that."

"Like a ton of bricks."

"Like a giant robot."

"Like a full broadside of cannons."

"Like Canterlot Castle."

"I talked with Princess Celestia and got us a shooting range."

"Like - wait, what? When? How?"

"I held her dessert hostage."

Searing got an idea and acted on impulse, pulling Celestia's half eaten pie from the Princess. "I want something," Searing said with all the malice of a cartoon villain.

Celestia quirked an eyebrow. "You do know I can just buy another pie, right?"

"Uhh. . . But it won't be the same as this one!"

"She makes a good point, Tia," Luna said. "Find out what her demands are."

"Very well." Celestia looked at Searing. "What is it that you want?"

"Just a place to shoot guns. Very high power guns."

Celestia turned to the youngest Princess. "Isn't there an open area nearby that would work?"

Twilight did not look up from her scroll. "Yes, but I don't want the diamond dogs out there to be spooked again. They've been caught up in enough action already and are scared of Yang."

Yang, still hiding behind her drink, did not react to her name being mentioned.

"I suppose I could let you use the artillery range off the north side of Canterlot Mountain," Celestia conceded. "I'll let the range overseers know that you can use it outside of training drills. May I have my pie back now?"

"Thank you." Searing took a bite of the pie before sliding it back to the Princess.

"In hindsight, it was a stupid move," Searing added.

"Celestia's too nice to get upset over a pie," I said. "Or even me getting upset at her, grabbing her by the horn, holding her face up to mine, and making demands."

Searing blanched at that. "You did what?"

"It was immediately after I beat Tirek. I was tired, filthy, and I was a mess. It was the first time I really got upset at anyone like that, and I was too tired to care. She took it gracefully."

"Well. . . If that's what happened."

"It is." Silence reigned between us for a bit. "You looked good in that swimsuit." A wave of regret washed over me as soon as I said it. Thankfully, I had my hood and mask to hide behind.

"Thanks," Searing curtly said. "Dare I ask why you had it in the first place?"

"It. . . It was an impulse thing," I admitted. "Kind of stupid, but. . . Well, you have the same figure I do in your human form, and. . . Maybe Discord had a point. Maybe you are the closest thing I have to human contact here and that has something to do with it."

"Yang, I'm a unicorn."

"A unicorn that can become a human. It's amazing how we have the same figure when you're human."

"Discord probably planned it that way. The idea of him planning something like that makes no sense, but then it does make sense in a weird way."

"Yeah. Hey, remember that time you had a nosebleed in my room?"

Searing looked away from me. "That. . . That had nothing to do with anything. Where did you even get that outfit?"

"An. . . Acquaintance gave it to me as a surprise gift. Very much a surprise, and not entirely unwelcome."

"Please stop talking about it."

"Okay." I dropped the topic, and the rest of the walk home was in a mostly comfortable, slightly awkward silence.

Author's Notes:

Yes, Searing was a pirate. As of this chapter's release, that part of her story hasn't been published. If you want to see it when it happens, just follow this finely crafted link.