It's finally done, a day early! And guess what? Ya boi's already started on the next part. Back to some good-old shenanigans.

When Stella was promoted to Lieutenant, it came with a certain set of benefits to go with the commission.

One of these benefits happened to be an office that one could find in the Officer’s Wing of the Lunar Barracks within Canterlot Castle—one that had her name engraved in a steel plate attached to the door. Stella never made much use of it, aside from storing a few things that she didn’t have any space for by her bunk. Also, it was an occasional sanctuary to sneak Fredrick to for a midday quickie when things were really testing her patience…

…or have a drink.

And per usual, it also served as a quiet space to have chats and sort out disputes between any who fell under her command.

Much like how she found herself now.

As an armored-up Stella sat in her chair—her head lazily supported in her right hand—she deadpanned as she watched two of her Sergeants bickering like little children across her desk.

She drew figure eights idly on her desk with the fingers of her free hand as her subordinates continued to run their mouths at each other with her as their unwilling witness. Stella chewed the inside of her lower lip and she fought with the most minimal effort she could provide to remember what this whole feud was about. But she was drawing a blank—the last thing memorable the two said to her was something along the lines of ‘mishandled equipment’ and ‘squads almost coming to a brawl.’

Stella sighed. Yeah, she’d just go with that.

Her golden eyes flicked from side to side between the two of them—it wasn’t the fact that these apparent problems existed, that gave her eczema. These were pretty significant.

What Stella found annoying to absolutely no end was that these two were wasting her time figuring out something she would’ve gotten to the bottom of in half an hour.

For all the other things she had to attend to as a Lieutenant, this should have been low on her priorities.

And as her subordinates’ bickering became even louder, Stella had finally had enough. She rolled her eyes and sat up straight.

“Alright now… ALRIGHT! FUCKIN’ SHUT UP YOU DUMB CUNTS!” she yelled aggressively (with Stella-esque hand gesticulation to boot) above the both of them, which silenced both mare and stallion in front of her.

Stella cleared her throat, softened her complexion, and folded her hands atop her desk. She then leaned forward and spoke in a much more level tone of voice with no attempt to veil her sarcasm:

“Well… after listening very closely to yer well-thought out arguments, it looks like we’re at a wee bit of an impasse…” she said.

She gestured one open palm to each of them, and continued with no veiling of contempt in her words:

“Ultimately, how I would’ve addressed this, would have been to fix this shit m’self and not bother me fuckin’ superior officer about bullshit that doesn’t fuckin’ warrant their shitting time!”

Both batpony sergeants—a gray-coated stallion and copper-coated mare—immediately launched into an intelligible tirade against each other, complete with literal finger pointing. Stella flared her nostrils and slammed her balled up right fist against the table, which quickly garnered silence and attention once more.

She was over this.

“Open yer fuckin’ cumholes again—either of you—and I’ll staple yer dick, and yer clit to mah fuckin’ desk!

“Fuck’s sake, lads, you lot right now are the fuckin’ guard equivalent of store-brand vodka in a plastic goddamn handle… why is it always fuckin’ one of yous’?!”

Both attempted to answer at the same time, but Stella silenced both of them before they could say a single word:

“COCK. AND. CLIT.”

They sat back down amicably.

Stella took another deep breath and reclined back in her chair as she exhaled. She pressed her fingers together in a pyramid in front of her face before taking the reins of conversation back:

“Well. Obviously one of ye’s at fault fer this shitload’a fuck. And nopony can seem tae own their cock-up. So clearly, I need tae decide how to approach this mess of… whatever the fuck you were babblin’ about earlier.”

Stella gestured open-palmed to both her subordinates and spoke her next words with unflinching matter-of-factness:

“You see, lads… what’s really chappin’ me fud right now is the fact that normally, in these trying circumstances, I’d just resort to good old-fashioned favoritism…”

Stella shrugged, shook her head, and then pursed her lips, unimpressed.

“But the problem with that, is I don’t fuckin’ like either one of ye.”

She paused for a brief moment to observe them for a moment, and all they did was shoot each other a mutual, concerned, questioning gaze before turning back to face Stella.

She clapped her hands together and leaned forward again in her chair, then planted both of her elbows onto her desk.

“SO! Seems like me only true option then—since you two limp-wristed wanks can’t fuckin deal with trivial shit on yer own—is tae just sack you both and fold your troops under the much more competent Sergeant Trigger, aye?

“Then I fuck off outta here, hit the porcelain throne fer a shit, hit the actual Porcelain Throne fer a pint, and wait fer this whole thing tae blow over.”

Both her NCO’s were about to erupt in protest before a string of knocks at Stella’s creaked-open office door drew everypony’s attention away from the matter at hand.

“Oh ummm… excuse me, Lieutenant Sabre, Ma’am?” came the deep, tentative voice of one of the newer recruits who was placed on sentry duty.

Stella smirked at recognizing Private Bloodline’s voice, as well as seeing his deep turquoise eyes and almost-black-as-night coat peek into her office—he was one of the few of the more recent, larger influx of recruits who were showing any sort of potential. He had been taking to his job well, and the mare saw him going far in the Guard if he stuck to it.

She waved him in fully.

“Aye, Private? Can I help you with something?”

Stella saw him crack open the door more before seemingly waving somepony in:

“Mister Himmelreich requests your audience, Ma’am.”

Stella’s ears perked up the moment Fred’s last name left Bloodline’s mouth, and she had absolutely no control over the brightest, fangy smile that sculpted its way across her face once she saw her well done-up man—in his favorite, teal button-up shirt and charcoal gray suit jacket with slacks—step in. Her core lightened considerably, and she sighed out almost heavenly so…

Stella did not notice in the slightest the faces of her NCOs recoil with great disconcertion at her abrupt change in mood.

She hadn’t seen him in almost two weeks—unheard of in their relationship so far but these new recruits, and clearly some of her own officers, needed much of her attention over the last couple of months. Every time she had to postpone their outings or ‘relationship time’ together—though she would never show it outwardly—she always felt like a right flaccid dick. It didn’t help that Fredrick was an absolute sweetheart and way too supportive and understanding for his own damn good.

As for Fredrick, he as well had little control over the smile on his face once Bloodline announced his entrance into Stella’s official abode. And seeing that damned mare’s face light up once he strode in was the perfect amount of icing to an already perfectly baked, moist cake of smugness.

He was finally able to pull off a surprise drop-in after all this time. He was damned proud of himself, especially as he moved his hand from behind his back to reveal a rather large bottle of Northern Sapphire Cream Cutie.

It was certainly something seeing a fully-armored Stella begin bouncing in her chair like a goddamn filly.

And in witnessing that, he figured it was time to speak up:

“Hey Stella! Been a hot minute! Was hoping to catch you at a free moment but ummm…” he began, but that’s when he realized that there were two other ponies in the room, and a quick glance over his shoulder revealed that Bloodline had quietly made his exit.

Stella was quick to stand up and shake her head, as well as her outstretched hands for extra emphasis:

“No! No not at all, love! In fact, these dipshits were just leaving…” she so plainly and mirthfully said, not bothering with any sort of veil.

“…and I was just telling them that if they fucked off right now, I won’t have them sacked, nor dissect them with the rusty sword,” Stella further added through gritted teeth and a less-than-attractive, aggressive wink to both of her Non-Coms.

Fredrick watched the two now-unwelcome soldiers take a quick look at one another, then promptly stand up, deliver a salute, and file past him and out of Stella’s office.

He turned back to Stella, who—as she made her way from around her desk—pointed towards the door.

“Get the door, Freddie,” she said.

It was as easy as leaning back and pulling it closed via the latch. One more turn of the deadbolt later, and the two were locked in her office… clearly as Stella had planned, if Fredrick figured.

Fredrick took a moment to just… appreciate the mare that was in front of him—and it appeared that Stella had the same idea, as only a few paces separated them. He let his eyes wander over her form, and he could feel Stella undressing him with hers, but that was more than welcome. He was just happy to finally see her again, and the warmth that spread over his cheeks and into his chest when Stella smiled softly, yet widely at him would carry him through the rest of the week.

“Hey babe,” he ‘formally,’ yet softly greeted with a lopsided smirk. There was nothing he could do about the blush on his face though, so he figured he might as well own it by this point.

And that’s when Stella emitted one of her rare batpony ‘EEEE’s and threw her arms around him. The extra weight that was lent by her armor meant that Fredrick had to stumble as the smaller batpony placed her entire weight on him, as well as taking the liberty of swinging her hooves idly in the air as Fredrick held her.

It was always something he was always more than happy to do—Fred was essentially addicted to Stella by this point. The way she looked at him, her walk, her body, her personality, her smell.

And as Fredrick giggled and swung the mare once in a circle, then placed a single, wet kiss on her cheek… he knew that if she was a drug, she was probably the highest quality heroin that he could buy on the streets of… whatever town had the best heroin equivalent here in Equestria.

Just shoot me up, fam.

Fredrick dipped her down low in a dance-move fashion, which elicited a girly giggle from her. Upon bringing her back up, he felt Stella bury her muzzle into the crook of his neck, and then take a deep breath. That was one thing he always found interesting even in the beginning—she was very smell oriented around him.

Probably was a pony thing, but goddamn he had picked it up.

“I missed you,” she mumbled into his neck.

While her hooves were back on the ground, Fredrick was more than happy to let her keep resting herself against him. Having his arms around her lower back was just a bonus to him, even if rigid, plate-metal armor was probably creasing his suit jacket in ways that would be a bitch to remedy later.

Fred nibbled at the tip of her right ear, turning his lips in to not dig his teeth into her.

“Missed you too, Stel’… a lot. And it’s only been two goddamn weeks. But how’ve you been, honey?”

Stella scoffed into his neck.

“Fuckin’ usin’ all these lovey-dovey frou-frou poof-poof language with me already aye? Two fuckin’ weeks indeed an’ ye can’t stop from bein’ a sappy cunt?”

Fred pulled back just a tad so Stella could remove herself, and that’s when the two locked eyes properly. He further lidded his eyes when Stella pressed the tip of her muzzle to his nose.

The human cocked an eyebrow and shot her quip right back at her.

“Really, using ‘honey’ is being a huge queer in your eyes? Of all the romaaaantic things I do for you, that bothers you? Fuck’s sake, girl… you’re weak. And stuck up.”

Stella giggled, and Fredrick felt that much closer to her when she wrapped her arm around his neck, holding him where he was… not like he was gonna go anywhere else anyway.

He placed her alcohol gift on one of the side tables while he had even a free second before the inevitable.

“Fuck I’ve really missed you…” was all she said before Fredrick’s face was pulled into hers.

Their lips softly touched, and then opened without a moment of haste once they were reacquainted like old friends back from vacation. Arms wrapped securely around one another, their tongues rushed to the forefront of their joined mouths to embrace as much as they were. Their eyes fell shut, and as they always had with one another, they only had to let the fire in their cores—ablaze for only each other—dictate the rhythm of their kiss.

They separated with a gentle smack echoing in the silent bureau, and unexpectedly for Fredrick, Stella immediately lay her head on his chest, and allowed herself to be held by him.

Before he could even comment, Stella preempted him with:

“I love you…”

And whatever hilarious concerns he had on his mind regarding how cuddly and lovey-dovey (or in her words, ‘poof-poof’) she was being were put to rest. His cheeks hurt from the involuntary grin that Stella just taped to his face.

“I love you too, beautiful…” he replied without any thought, but lovingly followed it up with:

“You’re pretty goddamn affectionate tonight~.”

Stella pulled back and narrowed her eyes. Fredrick’s heart fluttered when her usual snaggle fang was on full display on the downward curl of her mouth.

“Fuck you,” she said, then grinned that usual, Stella-esque mischievous grin.

And surprising him a second time tonight, her charmingly, rousingly aggressive visage was dropped in favor of one much more sheepish and fatigued.

“I’m sorry but… I don’t have a lot of time tonight. Too much shit to do. Just wanna be held fer a spot before I go back tae carryin’ this fuckin’ unit,” she confessed.

Fredrick smiled.

“Well, you know I’ll always be here to hold you whenever you like,” he said.

“And you are a unit,” Fredrick added.

Stella chuckled.

“Goddamn right. An absolute unit. A mad cunt. Oh, but mark me words…” she added as her tone dipped into more sultry territory.

Fredrick’s more primal instincts were triggered as Stella pressed her nose against his again, narrowed her eyes, and curled her lips upward, exposing her sharp fangs.

“When I’m completely free in the next month or so… I’m gonna rock yer world tae make up fer lost time. Aye?”

Fredrick bit his lip and returned her demeanor full force. He then went even further by wrapping his left arm around Stella’s waist, grasping her asscheek from under her armor skirt, and pulling her flush against him.

Her reaction was immediate, and Fredrick took every bit of pleasure in watching her eyes go wide with surprise, as well as the inadvertent, adorable ‘o’ shape her mouth made. Her previous expression elastically returned to her face though, and Fredrick finally responded:

“I look forward to it… and I’ll make sure to help relieve you of all your stresses from the last couple of months, babe,” he said.

Stella cocked an eyebrow and angled her face away whilst keeping her eyes squarely, longingly trained on his.

“Oh~? I love me the sound of that! The fuck’s gotten intae you, love?” she questioned teasingly, and further prodded:

“…because I’m startin’ tae really like this assertive Fredrick… Do I need tae take more time away from ye?”

Fredrick genuinely giggled at that, but shook his head nonetheless.

“Hell no! Because…” he stopped mid-sentence and considered his next move, though it all rested on one thing:

“Wait, how much time you got before I need to skedaddle?” he asked.

Stella glanced over to a clock that hung just over the door to her office.

“About five minutes or so… fer what, mate?” she answered.

Fredrick smirked.

Perfect. All I need.

Without heralding his next move, Fredrick wrapped both of his forearms under Stella’s ass and picked her straight up off the floor to the tune of a sudden, adorably astonished squeak from the thestral mare.

He then plopped her on her desk, much to the now readily apparent love of Stella…

…who outright purred at him.

“You’ll do no such thing!” Fredrick said in reference to Stella’s last statement. “Because you’re retarded if you think I’m gonna let this ass be away from me for too long!”

Fredrick even surprised himself with that forwardness.

Goddamn, dude. When the shit did you become a panty dropper?

Stella seemed to take those words in the best way possible, as that lidded, lascivious gaze could ethereally jack off an entire village by sight alone.

“Oh fuck me Fredrick I’ve really missed you!”

Five minutes was definitely all he needed. That was the whole point of a ‘quickie’ after all.

His eyes were heavy, feeling like they were weighed down by steel plates as he fought to open them.

Fred had half a mind to keep them closed and just go back to sleep, but the infernal death rays of sunlight peeking through the curtains were striking his face just right where even sleep wasn’t fulfilling anymore. So, as was staple with his life every time he came back into the waking world, he would just lay there like a corpse—eyes barely managing any sort of effort to remain open—whilst the rest of his body gained consciousness.

The hope was that eventually, most of his body would be stirred awake enough to resist more sleep attempts and get on with the day... the only difference was that he and Stella were going to spend today doing absolutely nothing, so there really was not anything important to get done. More sleep might as well have been an awesome prospect.

But alas, that damned sun.

Fredrick lay on his side, and as feeling returned to the rest of his sleepy body, he could feel just how every muscle in him ached—likely due to the previous night’s insatiable activities with the mare he loved.

His arms and legs were so tight, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to contract them fully. Would he even be able to walk once he inevitably got out of bed?

That would be a question for near-future Fredrick to answer, as right now, he was quite comfy realizing that during the night, Stella had wrapped her arms around his stomach and pulled him tightly against her. He was always a fan of spooning, but he had vividly remembered the two of them falling asleep in the opposite orientation.

Funny how nature do that.

After a while though, his body did indeed wake up more, and that’s when he came to terms with a rather pressing fact: He had to piss harder than a racehorse who had nothing but Monster Energy Drinks and crack-cocaine for the last five months for a competitive edge.

The first step in successfully uncapping the firehose was getting out of Stella’s notorious, iron grip.

Fredrick wiggled around and pulled away from Stella, but as he had expected, her grip was rock-solid around his midsection. One thing he didn’t expect however, was her forearms—they felt impossibly built—absolute unit status.

Jesus Christ, babe... I know you’re muscular but holy fuck...

In days past, he would often see her every day, so any changes that she went through on the workout side were likely not noticed by him from day-to-day. He hadn’t seen her in a good long while, at least for very long, so perhaps she had just been hitting the gym more to blow off some steam?

After some extra effort, Fredrick was able to weasel out of her grasp. He sat up on the edge of the bed, but in turning back to take a look at his mare, Stella had instantly, subconsciously rolled onto her other side and bundled herself up under the blankets. Fred didn’t really get a good glimpse at her, but he still smiled nonetheless—she was probably so exhausted from these past couple of months of nonstop drilling and administration.

She deserved every bit of rest away from work that she could be afforded.

He sat on the edge of the bed for a few moments—still collecting his thoughts—and then got to his feet. Thankfully, the floor beneath him was not ice-cold, and he stretched his arms over his head. He felt a section of his back pop after some strain, and a euphoric warmness slithered its way up his spine which manifested in a pleasure-filled, morning groan.

Again, he remembered that he had to bleed the lizard, and he quickly bounded into the bathroom with a purpose. He quietly shut the door behind him but left it just ajar enough to prevent any future ‘incidents.’

As he moved to relieve himself, Fredrick chuckled silently regarding his views on the bathroom door. It wouldn’t have been the first time that Stella nearly gave him a heart-attack by All-Star-smashing the door open while he was ‘taking care of business.’

Back in reality though, pissing his life away literally had never felt so good—as the phrasing in his head had implied, he probably lost a good year out of his life from how much matter he urinated out his pisshole. He was probably lucky that his head didn’t cave in, if he was being honest with himself.

A quick flush later, he was running warm water into the sink and washing any remnant sleep out of his face.

That’s when he heard some rustling from the bedsheets back in the room. He smirked as he figured that Stella probably was beginning her own process of waking up. Perhaps he’d surprise her when he was finished up washing.

He snagged the towel he kept right next to the sink, wiped his face over a couple of times, and then confidently began to make his way back into his room.

His entire body shut down the moment he closed the bathroom door behind him, and he felt like rigor mortis had completely set in when he saw what lay on his bed:

When he expected to find Stella, instead Fredrick found an impossibly muscular, absolute unit of a batpony stallion—stark naked—laying on his side and whose golden eyes were lustfully staring straight into his. He had, oddly enough, the same coat and mane scheme that Stella did.

And then the foreign stallion winked, and spoke with the deepest, most masculine Scottish voice he had ever heard:

“Oi laddie… are ye a nice cuppa tea? ‘Cuz I wanna stick me cock in ya!”

“JEEESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY TITTYFUCKING FUCKING SAINTS!”

A bolt of pure, unbridled fear shot up his spine the moment those words left the stallion’s mouth, which manifested as his body going into fight-or-flight mode. Fredrick felt himself going full cerebral palsy mode as he tried to stagger immediately back into the bathroom, but his dumbass had forgotten that he had closed the door once he had exited… and he ended up just slamming the back of his head into solid wood.

He quickly lost his balance and—with a desperate, intelligible retard grunt that sounded something like clubbing a deer—crumpled to the floor onto his ass.

And to his abject horror, the invading stallion got to both of his hooves, revealing a comically enormous, pornstar-length dong that would make any lemon-stealing whore repent for their heinous crimes against citrus.

His eyes shrunk to pinpricks, and even as a straight man he couldn’t look away (out of pure fear) from the goddamn leather wyvern swinging pendulously between this stallion’s legs.

“Dude what the fuck?! Who the fuck are you?!” Fredrick exclaimed the first words that came to mind, and made any attempt to scurry away or make himself smaller in the presence of this tank of a batpony.

And with a different selection of words than what he would have hoped to hear, he ended up getting his answer:

“Drop yer trousers, laddie! I’m about tae inflict on ye some P-T-S-D—Pretty Thick and Strong Dick!”

“Get the fuck away from me! Wait—What the fuck did you do with Stella?!” came his words as rational slowly returned to his brain.

The stallion beamed at him, then winked, which further tickled him in all the wrong places.

“Don’t ye worry, laddie… she’s safe an’ sound! But it’s time tae jiggle!”

The epitome of medieval Scottish masculinity then began what Fredrick would consider an elaborate Fortnite-esque groove… which only served to make his goddamn dick boogie a dance most serpentine right next to his face.

Fredrick was not even aware that a dick could get that big, much less move in such a way that it looked like there was actual snake-charming shit going on.

“FUCKING, STOP! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

The stallion appeared to not be listening to him in the slightest:

“IF YA DON’T JIGGLE, YA GET THE DICKLE, CUNT!

“OPEN WIDE, LAD! Hope ya like yer tubemeat raw! Because yer gonna turn it well done! AND yer gonna smell this bawbag!”

Fredrick folded his arms in front of his face to shield himself whilst emitting a less-than-masculine scream of uncertain fear… especially when the Loch Ness Monster began whipping into his arms, sounding like he was fighting with a propeller.

Fredricks high-pitched squealing continued in earnest as that was the best projection of his confused, yet overwhelming fear for his life. This was made all that much worse when his defense failed him just enough to get dickslapped across the mouth.

“GAHH, FUCK!” Fredrick cried out, especially when he felt a foreign wetness coating his lips.

The offending stallion completely lost his shit and began cackling wildly.

“GOTCHA, CUNT!”

Fredrick froze. The way the stallion said that… the tone and inflection used sounded extremely familiar… And then rational thought slowly began to return to him as he looked up into that masculine face.

Wait… what the fuck? Same ponytail… same eyes… same accent… same words…

Fredrick dared risk pony AIDS and licked his lips of that foreign wetness.

Fucking… pineapple? Pineapple!

It all came together at once—the concoction now clear after the pot had been stirred with a literal horse cock.

Fredrick deadpanned, sighed, and then got to his feet with no resistance from his dick assailant.

“Really, Stella…” Fredrick said level-headedly, dusting himself off and checking to make sure he wasn’t bleeding nor hadn’t broken any bones during his (debatably warranted) retard moment.

The now-familiar stallion bellowed in laughter.

“Finally figured it out, ya groggy wank?” ‘Stella’ said with what Fred would consider her usual flare.

With his fear being quickly replaced by mild annoyance—knowing that he had been pranked and pranked well—he stood in front of the hulking Stella, who was now taller than him. Looking up into her eyes, he placed both of his hands on his hips whilst shaking his head.

“Son of a bitch… I thought I’d be ready for any counter prank you had for me but fuck me I never thought you’d go to these…” he glanced down at Stella’s undeniable presence between her legs.

“…lengths after the Poison Joke incident!”

Stella took a few steps back and—since the storm had now passed, and the overall ‘pranking’ had been completed—began to admire her form all while she responded so matter-of-factly:

“After all this time… after bein’ together for all these months on top of the extra half a hear we’ve known each other… and yer still underestimatin’ the lengths I’d go tae fuck with ye? Didn’t I say I was gonna rock yer world?

“In more ways than one!” she then added, and promptly fell ass-backwards into another booming laughing fit that seemed to shake the foundation of the castle.

Fredrick rolled his eyes as Stella continued to laugh at his expense, though in hindsight—and in all fairness—he felt that he should have expected some type of retaliation of this magnitude. Complacency and taking his marefriend’s working schedule for granted sullied his readiness for such a counter-prank.

And that’s how I ended up getting slapped in the face by a fucking pineapple python. Great.

Further, the universe let him in on the fact that, had Stella been born as a male, she apparently would’ve had a massive dick, and be the manliest Chad to ever exist. Somehow, he was less than surprised. Super interesting to note, for sure… but no surprises, nonetheless.

Fredrick brought himself out of the depths of his thoughts and focused back on his genderbent marefriend. It appeared that she had enough with pranking him, since she was much too busy checking out her (his?) new ‘vessel’ in the body-length mirror. While Stella was always more than just a little concerned with how she looked when they would go out, it was something else entirely seeing a brawny goddamn man of a stallion doing a bunch of feminine poses in the mirror.

Like jutting his ass out…

Or running his hands seductively over every curve of his chiseled body…

And then striking some odd combination of a strongmare pose (that was quintessential of Stella) and a Baywatch bikini shot.

Fredrick’s mouth curled downward and his eyes widened, not sure of the dissonance between his brain and what he was seeing. Nevertheless, like if he was staring at the sun or staring at a dog that had much-too large of a ballsack proportional to its size… he just couldn’t look away.

He didn’t stand a chance. Stella had mentally scarred him in all the ways that the internet never could.

Stella broke him out of his internal, questionable musings with a long, masculine sigh of dejection.

“Fuuuuck! Me tits!” she cupped her now-steel pecs in such a way that she anticipated squishy sacks of fat.

Only hard muscle that Fredrick was low-key jealous of, remained.

“My tits are gone! What the fuck, lads! Me ass is hard as a fuckin’ whale’s wang but fuuuuck. My tits!”

Fredrick casually made his way over to her, smirking humorously as the mare of his dreams waded through the first vestiges of manhood.

“Yeah, your tits are gone… but I’m pretty sure they all went into that fucking snake of a dick and balls you have now! Holy shit, dude,” he exclaimed.

Fredrick watched with some measure of impressed horror as Stella re-directed her attention to said dick and suddenly two-handed it to get some measure of a closer look. He also giggled like a little kid being told a fart joke when Stella then closed one eye and tried to stare down her new pisshole like the barrel of a rifle.

Fredrick could barely contain himself, and in the end, he gave into the guffaw that tore out of his chest like the little queer from Alien.

“PFFT! Stella what the fuck are you doing!”

The batpony mare-turned-stallion’s face was as confused as a deer in the fleshlites.

“Why the fuck is this thing so rigid?? It’s like a fuckin’ flagpole! The cock’s more patriotic than me!”

Fredrick quipped with a single finger-gun and an impish smirk that was iconic for taking the piss outta Stella:

“Welcome to ‘being a man 1-0-1—Morning Wood, Electric Boogaloo.’”

Stella blinked in surprise, then stood tall and away from the mirror, which further highlighted the sheer reversal of their heights to Fredrick. It also highlighted the stiff howitzer between her legs that bounced pendulously like a camera with no stabilization.

Even more than that, her face continued to harbor sheer, childish confusion.

“Wait… you mean that this shit just happens? What the fuck, I thought you had tae get aroused ‘er some shit. I sure as shit ain’t horny right now I’ll fuckin’ tell ye that!”

Fredrick continued to hold that same smugness whilst shrugging. In his eyes, at least Stella was beginning to feel the drawbacks of her little prank while this all lasted.

“Nope! Sometimes the dick wants something and doesn’t tell the brain. State secrets or some shit. Have fun with that!”

Fredrick took enormous pleasure in watching Stella’s concerned gaze turn southward at her throbbing, rigid boner that refused to quit on her. He figured she was trying to channel her entire mental fortitude and discipline she honed throughout her years in the military, but to little avail if the lack of change in her rigidity was anything to go by.

All the while, he was still wondering why the hell he was staring so nonchalantly at a clearly-male’s erect horse penis—he internally shrugged.

Probably because I know it’s Stella. Dick is more ‘feminine’ I guess?

…oh god that’s the same reasoning for people liking traps and futa! Fuck’s sake, man. Come on, son, that’s gay!

Stella huffed, exasperated.

“Mate this’s some fuckin’ steamin’ shit. Straight outta the griffon’s cloaca. You lads haftae contend with this?? Fuck’s sake, I think I actually feel sorry fer ya poor bastards!”

Fredrick delivered a sarcastic bow.

“Well, I thank you for the acknowledgement on behalf of all men and stallions in this universe… but hey,” he added with another chuckle. “…at least you won’t have to live with a ‘why boner’ for much longer, right?”

Male Stella’s eyes lit up brightly with a spark as he-she shot her gaze right back up at Fredrick—at least that glimmer in those same golden pools was the same as the mare’s whose tits he liked to grab.

“Aye! Right!” she exclaimed, then began to dance on her tippy-hooves. “Should be any minute now, actually!”

She then shrugged at Fredrick and gestured to her expanded dong.

“I love ye, and yer cock… but fuck I ain’t lovin’ this shit. I want me minge and tits back! Should be back and good as new any fuckin’ minute now!”

Fredrick rolled his eyes, but still smirked smugly at the situation.

“Serves ya right for the dickslap, ya… twat,” he said whilst he made his way over to his bed, then promptly sat down on the edge.

Stella blew him a raspberry over her shoulder as she continued to check out her form in the mirror to pass the time.

“You loved it~!”

Fredrick chortled involuntarily at that statement and shot pure incredulity at his manly marefriend.

“Oh I most certainly did not, fuck you very much!” he said, conviction ever strong in his sexuality.

Fredrick pursed his lips, however, when Stella continued to prod him with joking doubt:

“I’unno, love… I think ye liked it. Yer goin’ gay on me, laddie?”

Fredrick sighed, then through his back into the embrace of his bed. After all of this, he was certainly awake now, and had every desire to cuddle up and go back to sleep… especially when Stella would eventually turn back into her normal self. He’d be giving her the dicking of a lifetime for the inconvenience.

“Stella… I think you’d suffer the most if I went gay.”

Fredrick lifted his head to see if Stella found anything better to do while they waited for whatever she did to herself to wear off… but instead found her squatting deeply in front of the mirror.

He returned his head to the blankets.

“Mate, our relationship is pretty fuckin’ gay, tae be quite honest,” Stella informed.

And that assertion earned Fredrick’s attention, and he felt compelled to lift his torso to hear this.

“Oh really? Well I’m looking forward to how you’re gonna sell this one to me,” he said.

Stella turned on her-his hooves—his-her horsecock aimed right at Fredrick’s face from across the room—and simply remarked:

“Well, think about it, mate! You’re a stallion. Also, you fuckin’ love me! Which means that ye love somepony who loves dick. Therefore, you’re pretty fuckin’ gay!

“It’s like PEMDAS or some shit…” she added while twirling on her hooves to face the mirror again.

Fredrick blinked so hard in astonishment at her logic path that he thought he would knock himself out. He legitimately felt in the pit of his braincase that the universe proposed a question he simply could not answer.

“Right… See, I know what you just said is absolute bullshit but I can’t help but feel like I just spectacularly lost that argument somehow.

“Jesus Christ. Might as just sudoku right now.”

Fred threw himself back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, reflecting on the immediate conversation that just took place. It was at that point that the man figured he might as well stay silent and let Stella explore the paragon of manliness that was her male form in her own way. It made sense to him that they’d wait until the whole spell or whatever she used finally wore off.

Then they could get back to more important things at hand…

…like grabbing her butt.

The only problem with this plan was that they did wait.

And they continued to wait beyond that with no discernable change to Stella’s form that even remotely resembled her feminine figure.

They also continued to wait even more.

They even did a little bit more waiting after that as a bonus.

But… nothing.

Even more impressively, so much time had passed that Stella had gotten completely bored with checking herself out and resolved to just lay next to Fredrick. She joined in him in staring at the ceiling.

And he felt by this point he might as well break the silence and by extension, the obvious:

“So… you’re still a dude with more testosterone than I could possibly produce in a lifetime. What gives? Wasn’t this supposed to wear off by now?”

Fredrick angled his gaze over and watched as Stella sat up to get a good look at herself. It seemed that she was seeing the same thing he was, and indeed nothing had changed.

“Aye, I should have me glorious body all back and hot the way it should be. You think you’re annoyed, lad? Clearly something got fuckin’ bungled,” she said.

Fred joined her in sitting up, then dangled his legs over the front of the bed to get some blood flowing into his brain. For all intents and purposes, it was still morning since they had never left their sleeping abode, nor changed to start the day properly… which meant that his thinking needed a jumpstart.

“Well…” he began, running a hand over his face which spoke elegantly to his deep sense of ‘what the shit is even happening?’

“What did you take anyway?”

“A wee bit of something called ‘Potion 63.’ The fuckin’ Princess had some refined and delivered to me… clandestinely,” Stella answered, flashing her pearly whites in a way that one would smile while sexually harassing their significant other.

Fred rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Of course Princess Luna gave it to you. Fuck’s sake, she single-handedly keeps this damn prank war going, I’m pretty sure…

“But okay, fine. Did she give you instructions for it?” he followed up.

He watched as Stella blinked a couple of times, and then an aura of knowing struck her face when her features lit up brightly.

“Right! Aye, good thinkin’ ya smart fuckin’ oaf ye,” she said with an extra accent of flirtatiousness.

Fredrick backed away out of reflex when Stella leaned in to legitimately plant a wet one on his lips… which would’ve been—in his mind—a rather legitimate reaction to any dude who would try to kiss him.

The only difference this time was that Fredrick didn’t realize what he did until he saw Stella’s eyes—which held the same spark of the mare he loved despite the ideal Highlander body she had now—harboring deep offense.

Stella’s voice dropped uncharacteristically low—at least, uncharacteristically for speaking to Fredrick:

“Why… why did you just swerve me?”

Though he was loathe to say it, Fredrick still said:

“You’re kind of a dude right now…”

Stella physically jogged her head and smirked, recognizing the situation in its fullest at an instant.

“Ah, right! Fuckin’ duh! But…”

She thought for a brief moment, which brought her demeanor back within what Fredrick would consider ‘normal’ bounds, though he could read right through her. Though her eyes told him she was about to shoot a really terrible joke his way, he could also see that the previous offense she took in trying to kiss him via her male form had not gone away by any stretch.

It lingered. Much longer than he’d like, and the feeling manifested like a stone in the pit of his stomach.

“Are you fuckin’ sayin’ that ye only like me because… because I’m actually a mare?!” she said, feigning offense with a fake sniffle…

…which Fredrick knew masked some deeper offense.

Nevertheless, Fredrick curled the right corner of his lips upward.

“Well, I mean… yeah!” he answered honestly, chuckling genuinely though with some underlying awkwardness at the question.

He figured there were better ways to reaffirm his sexuality as ‘perfectly straight’ than viewing his better half after she had completely swapped genders. There was still a certain logistical part of his brain that was having trouble computing the situation, but hopefully he would address this once Stella was back to her normal self.

And he figured both parties were in agreement on that front per Stella’s previous words as well as when she immediately bounded off the bed and into the bathroom. That dong of hers continued to flap side-to-side in the non-existent wind like it was some bolo or other weapon of war.

Seriously she could probably kill a small child with that thing. Fuckin’ knock it off the road or some shit.

Fredrick watched as Stella came back outward, the much heavier thuds of her hooves against the ground making it sound like she was stomping some village inhabited by little elves. In her grasp was a single piece of paper that he figured was no larger than a sticky note.

Stella sat on the edge of the bed right next to Fredrick and unfolded it, revealing the unfairly-neat scribble of the Night Princess that Fredrick had become used to over the last year.

She handed it to him:

“See? Here…” she then pointed out the writing, which Fredrick continued to read regardless of where her finger was headed.

“Okay…” he said, and at the conclusion of the note, he began to piece together exactly when Stella was able to take this potion without alerting him to her nefarious ways.

“So, in that case, did you take two doses a couple hours apart? I only remember you going for water once unless I’m retarded… and I’m totally assuming that that’s when you decided to pull your little genderbending stunt.”

Fredrick focused back on Stella’s face, and he witnessed her stare off into space, presumably in deep thought. He couldn’t blame her for not remembering… there were much better things that came to his mind from the previous night.

Hell, he didn’t even know she was that flexible. That was definitely one of the better times.

“Ummm…” and that’s when her face became much more serious.

“Fuck. No. I chugged that shit back in one go like a Canterlot highschool cheerleader gargles cum.”

Fredrick hung his gaze at her.

“So effectively, you doubled up your dose in one go as opposed to taking it as prescribed over time. Not sure how that affects magic shit but… sounds like you don’ goof’d, Stel’.”

In a move that Fredrick had to stop himself from losing his shit entirely, Stella’s face morphed into an expression of pure fear of the likes he had never seen before.

“Wait…” she then got to her hooves again, and it appeared that the fear had drained her panty snake of its support. “Are you sayin’ I could be fuckin’ stuck like this?!”

Fredrick blinked.

Oh boy… this is gonna get weird.

Fredrick sat up and raised his palms defensively.

“No… I’m not saying that. I’m saying that—”

Stella began pacing, and a fear for her mortal, corporeal self was scrawled on her face in graffiti.

“Fuck. I’m gonna be stuck like this! Fuck I’m retarded! What in the wee blueberry fuckmuffin was I thinking?! I should’ve re-read the note. Fuck!

“Fuck!

“FUCK!”

She continued to curse to two opposite sides of the room as her composure degraded.

For the first time in their relationship, Fredrick thought he was seeing her actually lose her mind to anxiety. The reason eluded him… because while she did potentially mess up in not following directions for what was essentially medicine, he figured the answer to this problem was quite obvious.

“STELLA!” he shouted whilst he fell down to his feet on the floor.

Raising his voice appeared to do the trick, since the masculine mare in question stopped in her tracks—stunned—and stared right back at him.

“Jesus fuck take a deep breath! As you always say: ‘Pull yourself together, lad!’ It’s just a potion. I’m sure you’ll be just fine!” he said having placed both of his hands on Stella’s rock-hard shoulders and attempting to shake some sense into the now-taller stallion.

Stella shut her eyes and followed his directions to the letter and began breathing nice and controlled.

Perfect.

“Now,” Fredrick began anew. “Luna gave you the potion, right?”

Stella nodded.

“Aye.”

“So, using deductive reasoning in that brilliant Lunar Guard head of yours…” he added, poking her forehead. “…don’t you think the Princess would be able to reverse this?”

Stella nodded vehemently.

“Aye! Yeah aye! That’s fuckin’ brilliant!” she said, but Fredrick knew that it wouldn’t be that simple with how her excitement was suddenly curtailed.

“But… there’s a problem—Princess Luna’s on a diplomatic mission to Anglomaneia. She won’t be back fer another few days.”

Fredrick shrugged, shaking his head. This was still a nonissue in his eyes.

“Well, it’s a good thing she has a co-ruler in the form of her sister, right? Princess Celestia is just as skilled in the magical arts as she is. Let’s go find her, then, yeah?”

Stella seemed to consider that a lot less than he would’ve hoped.

“Aye… but I just realized something else,” she said.

Fredrick cocked an eyebrow.

“And that is…?”

“I’m literally unrecognizable right now from anypony but you. And believe it or not, the excuse ‘I fucked with a potion, please let me see the Princess’ isn’t exactly what we Guards would call a ‘valid’ excuse for being in the castle without authorization because yer ID doesn’t fuckin’ match.

“Sorry tae drop a meat-bollock in the fuckin’ spaghetti, but I think we took fer granted the easy access we had to the Princesses. Minor detail, but…”

Fredrick deadpanned, though inside a bomb had dropped on all his previous considerations.

“That’s minor? Fuck,” he said, running his right hand over his mouth. He cradled his chin.

“You’re right. Goddamnit. Are we really gonna fuckin’ Mission Impossible this?”

Stella interjected:

“I mean… we could try our luck with the Sols if they get in the way. Do ya know where Princess Celestia’s supposed to be right now?”

“Well yeah… it’s a Friday and close to noon. She’s in her office. Hell, I’d be there with her if I wasn’t taking the day off to be with you.”

Stella clapped her hands together once and smiled.

“Perfect! The Admin wing is like a hop, skip, and a quick handjob away. Let’s go fuckin’ now! Before I have this fuckin’ dick fer the next forty years of me life, please!”

Fredrick motioned to stop everything for a moment.

“Hold you’re horses for a sec,” he said, which earned him a confused, furrowed brow from Stella.

“The fuck does that mean?” she asked.

Fred rolled his eyes.

“Oh, right. Earth expressions. I was saying slow down a minute.

“You know as well as I that there’s a guard checkpoint right when you enter the Admin wing. I get ID’d every goddamn time, which means that the moment they even look at you, we’re fucked!”

Stella nodded.

“True… but there’s only one, maybe two at most. Goes fer both Solar and Lunar. So, like I said, let’s try our luck. If that doesn’t work, then whoever’s got the shit job today—sorry love. Fuck ‘em!” Stella said, resurrecting her iconic, fangy smirk.

Fredrick placed both his hands on his hips.

“Okay, what the hell do you mean by ‘fuck ‘em?’ What does that exactly mean here?” he demanded to know.

He was pretty sure he knew exactly where Stella was going with this, but he just needed to confirm for sure to determine the likelihood of getting his dick shanked by some Solar Guard’s spear.

“I’m sayin’ that if push comes tae shove, and he or she gets a little too fuckin’ uppity with me, I’ll insert the blunt end of their spear up their arse!”

Fredrick was not amused, but Stella sure seemed that way when her eyes lit up again with a fond longing.

“Fuck knows I’ve wanted a good excuse tae kick the shit outta the Sols, innit?”

Fredrick didn’t have to outline his confusion at all, as it was already outlined on his face, and his indignation at the fact that Stella would actually go through with something like that was more than evident.

“Are you fucking—really? You’re technically a persona non grata you fuckin’ William Wallace-looking idiot!” he spoke tersely.

“If you actually do that, Celestia will probably go full Edward Longshanks on you… are you mad?! Hell, you were the one that brought up this problem! How’re you not treating it as such?!”

Stella’s booming laughter cut through his points like a knife and she placed a massive hand on his shoulders.

“Love, while I love how yer expandin’ yer vocabulary, I think yer overreacting,” she said. “True, I brought it up. It is a problem, but I don’t see it as a roadblock. You should take some of your excellent advice and calm down. Do you have any idea how many legitimate fights’ve broken out between the two Guard Forces?”

“That doesn’t help this situation. Like. At all, Stella!” Fredrick said, exhasperated. “I know for a fact that you can like, kill everypony here outside of the princesses with just your goddamn words but that doesn’t address any of the consequences that come with you doing exactly that!”

Stella rolled here eyes this time and huffed out indignantly.

“Look, mate,” she said, then leveled an open palm at him

“Personally, if it’s between a Solar Guard or two, and me staying as a fuckin’ stallion fer the rest of me life… then ye fuckin’ better believe that I’ll rip their testicles off an’ use ‘em fer cuff links , aye?”

Fredrick dug his fingers into his hair and scalp like he was trying to scoop clumps of sand up from a beach. It seemed that the only one concerned for Stella’s safety and reputation was him.

“Right, okay. Know what? Wanna brute force this? Sure! Fine! When do you wanna go?” Fredrick acquiesced.

Stella bounced on her hooves in excitement, which further exacerbated the problem of Fredrick still having a massive dick in his field of view.

“Alright, love! Look… I know you’re lookin’ out fer me, but ye gave me the direction, and I think I can take it from here! So, tell ya what. We’ll try our luck with the guards and we’ll go from there, how’s that?” she put forth her previous suggestion.

For Fredrick, her more conciliatory tone was much appreciated in that she at least understood the gravity of things as they currently were. But at the same time, drawing on all of his experience with this mare, he knew for a fact that things would go anything but smoothly in the next half-hour.

Nevertheless, he nodded, and smirked at the mare that was trapped in that overly-masculine body of hers.

“Alright, I guess it’ll be another adventure. What’s the worst that could happen, right?”

Stella then remarked with a sly smirk and a finger pointed sarcastically at him:

“Careful mate! I may be all powerful but don’t challenge the fuckin’ universe ya daft twat!”

Fredrick shrugged and agreed wholeheartedly.

“Fair point. But…” he stopped for a split second and let his mind run over some scenarios. “The Admin Wing isn’t far, but there’s still guards and other castle staff around that know everypony on average. We’ll just have to keep as low of a profile as possible…

“…and find you something to wear, at that,” he further added, remembering that Stella was, in fact, naked as fuck.

Stella coyly chided:

“Awww come on, laddie! We can be subtle when I’m at me ‘battiest!’” she said, giggling.

And though he knew for a fact she was joshing him, he was still less-than convinced.

“Right. And babe—er, man, dude? If I ever ask you for advice on ‘subtlety,’ just go ahead and sanction me under the mental health acts. Now, what the fuck of mine will you even fit into? Because you sure as hell ain’t fitting into your clothes.”

“AYE!” Stella pumped a fist into the air. “Another lovely, adventurous stroll through the castle full of magic and wonder!” she spoke with a faux, infuriating dreaminess.

Fredrick, understandably, was less than enthused.

“I’m gonna hate every moment of this. I can feel it in my bones.”