Fredrick creased a final fold on one of his shirts he brought with him, then gently lay it atop the rest of his clothes in his suitcase.

Having topped off his packing and still somehow managing to get everything neatly organized for the return trip home, he zipped everything up properly and did a double-check around Stella’s abode to ensure all other necessities were on his person.

Vacation as a concept was tenuous. Often, people sought solace in a foreign land to escape the drabness and monotony of their life… only to return from a fulfilling vacation with a refreshed hatred of one’s standing in life.

For Fredrick, this wasn’t the case at all. In fact, as he reflected on it with a nostalgic smirk and warmth welling up in his chest, he longed to return home to some sense of normalcy. Stella’s family was one of a kind… and he couldn’t have asked for a better, more chaotic family of his better half. But if the insanity of the past week was anything to go by, Fredrick did want to get back to some more relative peace back in Canterlot.

Well… as relative as it could be with Stella at his side. This he could tolerate on a constant basis. He wasn’t so sure how much he could take being exposed to a Sabre-household family dinner for night after night after night after—

“Got everything, mate?”

A young, smooth feminine voice graced his ears, and Fredrick smirked as he stood up and turned to meet Sveta leaning against the doorframe.

Fredrick gave her a single once-over from hoof to ear-tuft, shamelessly admiring the svelte, curvy figure of the younger Sabre and just how well a simple black crew-neck t-shirt and some tight jeans did well to make her look her best.

Sveta noticed his wandering eyes and crossed both her arms under her chest to further accentuate the anatomy that the human was most reverent of—she’d have been insulted if he didn’t look.

And after what had transpired between the three of them, there was virtually no more shame, especially on the meeker Fred’s end of things, which was an accomplishment in and of itself.

“Yeah,” he replied, then set his zipped-up backpack upright.

“That’s everything.”

Sveta nodded a couple of times, and that soft smirk of hers mirrored that of Fredrick’s: slight awkwardness with an appropriate touch of nostalgia.

“Very good,” she said. “Had a good time with us over here?”

Fredrick decided to cross his arms and cock his head to the left, leveling his incredulous with a raised right eyebrow back at Sveta as his answer.

T’was an answer she was more than happy to accept.

“Good. Was fuckin’ hopin’ we didn’t scare ya away with our… antics,” she responded to his implicit sarcasm.

Fredrick loosed a few gentle chuckles.

“No worries on that… Stella tried her damndest to prepare me. But she’s also desensitized me to a lot of shit so really, there’s very little I don’t expect around her anymore. Or you all, by extension,” he added.

Sveta pointed at him with caution.

“Careful, lad… those’re some famous last words around us. Never fuckin’ fails, mate.”

Fredrick wasn’t fazed in the slightest, and merely offered a shrug as his rebut.

Sveta, however, had a few words for him… some that she was more than ready to get off her chest as she pushed off the doorframe and stepped towards the human.

“On the topic of… everythin’ that’s happened between us and, well…” she fought to jog her brain a smidge. “…you an’ Stella…”

Fredrick was all ears, and he took a seat on Stella’s bed just in case this would take a while. They had all the time in the world, especially since his marefriend had to excuse herself to have a few private moments with Vampir and Schiavona. They could take as long as they wanted for all he cared—private moments and talks with the parents were something he wished he cherished a little more before he was hurled into this dimension.

Sveta took her seat right next to him, which sagged the mattress a little more. This pressed their legs together, and neither minded the extra closeness.

Her sapphire eyes peered into Fredrick’s.

“Honestly mate… you don’t know how happy I am fer you two,” she admitted. “Stella has no idea how good she fuckin’ has it. She couldn’t have brought home a more perfect stallion to compliment her and keep her somewhat grounded at times… or all the fuckin’ time.”

She placed her hand atop Fredrick’s and smiled warmly, which earned more than its equal in reaction from Fredrick… especially at hearing those words.

“And I’m honored I got tae meet you. We all are, even if we have our weird ways of showin’ it.”

And as pride surged within his form, and as a teeth-baring smile made its way onto his face, Fredrick’s features turned devious, as he was given a perfect opportunity that he was virtually unable to pass up:

“Well… considering we fucked I sure as shit hope that’s true…”

Sveta’s eyes narrowed and she grimaced deeply.

“Oh fuck off, mate. You really are fuckin’ perfect fer that cunt, ruinin’ my fuckin’ honest feelings an’ shit fer fuck’s sake.”

Fredrick leaned back into his supporting hands with a victoriously smug expression.

“Works every time. Every Sabre.”

Sveta rolled her eyes, but her own smile never waned—she walked into that one, after all.

She leaned into Fredrick unexpectedly, which left the human the task of instantly compensating for her extra weight. Thankfully, he was able to adapt, and draped his right arm over her shoulders.

“And, well… thank you,” Sveta said.

“For what?” Fred asked.

“Fer that,” she alluded. “And fer bein’ a good lad about everything.”

Fredrick rubbed her shoulder in affirmation whilst chuckling.

“It was an… interesting roller coaster, this week. That’s for sure. Wouldn’t change anything at all though. And for the record…”

He earned Sveta’s attention, and he gazed down on her to meet her stare.

“…I’m really glad I met you, too.”

Sveta lowered her eyelids and shook her head.

“If Stella ever dumps you, I’ll fuckin’ hang her from her fuckin’ clit, mark mah fuckin’ words, aye?”

Fred was no woman nor mare, but he could not help but cringe at that very thought… and the imagery that it brought about and continued to become more grotesquely vivid in his mind was most unwelcome.

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t just so that image doesn’t come true, fuck me…”

Sveta flashed a devious smile.

“Already did, mate.”

“Okay now you can fuck off!” Fredrick replied, exasperated that he was, in fact, bamboozled this time around.

Sveta giggled evilly, but quickly launched into something more serious:

“It just fuckin' sucks sometimes…” she began anew.

“What does?” Fredrick inquired.

“Guess I’m jus a wee bit bitter…” she admitted.

“Never understood how Stella manages tae wrangle fuckin’ quality stallions all the goddamn time yet I can’t fuckin’ find some decent bloke at uni. At fuckin’ UNI fer fuck's sake!” Sveta added, exasperated.

Fredrick motioned to respond, but Sveta was quick to add more:

“Even worse!” she said pointedly. “Was that I didn’t really care up to this point… well, at least all that much. Yeah, I’m jealous of Stella. I admit it! Always have been. But then she brings you home, and you’re there tae remind me how a halfway decent stallion is supposed tae act and treat a mare! So now, I feel like I’m missing out on a lot!

“Fuck.”

Sveta blinked as she caught herself ranting about a rather intimate topic much too close to home… even more so that it really wasn’t all that invited to begin with.

She blushed and receded a bit into her posture, even as Fredrick patiently listened with nary a shred of annoyance.

“Sorry mate…” she added.

Fredrick had no offense to take, especially since he used to feel about the same with some of his more… socially inclined friends.

“Hey, no worries, it’s fine. But hey, you really wanna know how Stella and I met each other?”

Sveta pursed her lips and hung her head incredulously.

“Stella’s told me the story a hundred fuckin’ times, mate.”

Fredrick shook his head, along with his right hand emphatically.

“No no… not Stella’s version of events,” he added. “Her story is one-hundred percent correct… but she adds a lot of embellishment that makes things a tad bit more exciting than they actually were. Time tends to cloud memories a bit, too.”

Sveta prodded Fredrick in the side:

“Yer sayin’ that meeting yer marefriend wasn’t exciting?! Scandalous!”

“It was exciting in its own right,” Fredrick answered. “Remember, I was released for my first true night on my own in Equestria. Were it not for Stella, I’d probably be pretty lost socially,” he put forth.

But he had a point to make:

“What I’m trying to say though, is pretty much that. She was just… there. I happened to meet her at the right place, at the right time. Sure, she orchestrated part of it—she requested that she had a shift as close to the infirmary as she could, after all.

“But other than that, I decided to try and find my room as opposed to going outside to the courtyard for fresh air. Right place. Right time. There were no magical sparks. There was no ‘love at first sight.’ We were just there. I just got lucky. Things just happen sometimes, even if you try or… don’t.

“Just focus on yourself.” Fredrick said.

Sveta glanced away for a moment, and Fred could see the gears spinning inside her mind as she actively processed his words.

She nodded.

“I suppose you’re right…” she conceded. “I mean, it’s not like I’m a fuckin virgin or anything. Things could be worse I guess.

“And hey,” she said with a characteristic snarkiness befitting of a Sabre. “Maybe if ya went fer a stroll in the fuckin’ courtyard, you’d’ve found somepony else!”

Fredrick shrugged.

“Quite possibly!” he conceded as well.

“Fuck mate, maybe you’d’ve ended up lickin’ Lady Luna’s luscious lips,” she suggested.

Her consonance was iconic, and Fredrick had no intention of holding back his laughter.

“Heh, I highly doubt that. A dream of all stallions and mares in Equestria? Date Princess Luna? Shit off with that.”

Sveta was sent into a shrill laughter which was only interrupted by the sound of an unlatching door.

Both parties sat up straight on the bed and barely a few second later with the telltale hoofclops, Stella entered her room, garbed in her usual casual attire of assorted V-neck and short shorts.

“Alright mate…” she addressed Fredrick with a sigh. “Ya all set? Time tae get back tae reality!” she announced grandly with hands and arms outward.

And promptly followed up in her usual flair with no attempt at hiding her mirth:

“…back tae fuckin’ Canterlot in all her beautiful inhabitants with ponies with fuckin’… tungsten fuckin’ rods up their tight, sutured fuckin’ boneholes,” she added whilst twirling aimlessly on her hooves.

As someone who lived in Canterlot right alongside her, Fredrick had to agree.

He nodded with a rather passive, accepting flair.

“Yeah, pretty much. But yeah, I’m all set, babe,” he said, and he held his backpack for emphasis.

Stella nodded once.

“Good show, lad. Think it’s about time we headed out then?”

“Whenever you’re ready!”

“Righto,” she said, then waved everypony out of her room to follow her.

“Let’s do the whole 'goodbye, fuck you all, and thanks fer the fuckin' cataracts' routine,” she said as she directed everypony into the living room.

Fredrick grabbed his things and, along with Sveta, followed hot on Stella’s heels as they went into the family room. There waiting for them all were Vona and Vampir standing in the middle and ready to see the two lovebirds off.

And as Fredrick looked around at that very living room that had become so familiar to him over the last five days, he knew that these had been some of the better times in his life. All from just a few days.

And he figured he’d probably be back at some point. It was only a matter of time.

Especially when, before Fredrick could even get properly settled to give his final well-wishes, Vona squealed and threw herself at him elatedly. She wrapped both her arms around his neck with a wide, Stella-smile, and flailed her legs as Fredrick fought to suddenly support another body on his own.

“Oh Fredrick! You’ve been such a good lad! It was so nice tae finally meet you and get tae know you!” Vona squeaked, and unabashedly planted a wet kiss on Fredrick’s cheek.

The matriarch Sabre finally separated from a stunned Fredrick and regarded him with no small measure of pride on behalf of her taken daughter.

“Ya come back whenever ye want, even just fer tea, aye? Don’t need tae bring this cunt around if ya don’t want,” she added, thumbing back towards Stella who was deep in an eye-roll.

As for Fredrick, he knew it was no small compliment to have the adoration of his girlfriend’s parents, and especially her mother, who had clearly established herself as the… more dominant and overseeing one of her parents.

He returned her smile with one of his own.

“Thank you so much, Vona. And it was super awesome to meet you too!” he replied, holding her right hand in both of his for extra emphasis. “Stella’s a wonderful mare, and I couldn’t be happier that you guys feel I’m somewhat worth her time, heh…” he quipped with veiled self-depreciation.

Vona’s tone became just a tad more serious.

“Mate, she fuckin breaks up with you an’ I’ll fuckin’ kill ‘er, swear on me fuckin’ mum,” she declared.

Stella had some objection to that:

“Oi mum don’t fuckin’ swear on Nanna Cutlass!”

Vona homed in on Stella:

“I’ll fuckin’ swear on Nanna Cutlass whenever I damn well please… an’ I know fer a fact she’d line yer colon with her nails if ye lose this one!” Vona countered, referring to Fredrick with her thumb.

These familial confrontations would never get old for Fredrick. And thankfully during the ‘chaos,’ Vampir stepped forward with a prideful smirk of his own and offered his hand to the human.

Fredrick gladly reciprocated, and the two shared a hearty, less disappointing handshake this time around.

“Thanks fer comin’ up here, lad. Was a huge fuckin’ pleasure tae finally meet ye in person rather than through Stella’s letters. Knew you were perfect fer her the moment I met you.”

Fredrick matched Vampir’s smile with his own.

“Thank you for having me! And I really appreciate those words. I’ll try to make sure she doesn’t kill me too quickly then,” he quipped again, which earned a bout of chuckling from the Sabre patriarch.

“Oi laddie, if she gives ye too much trouble, feel free tae send me or her mum a note an’ we’ll straighten her arse out,” he offered cryptically.

Vona agreed wholeheartedly, and Stella threw her hands up.

“Fuck’s sake, you two… an’ I’m pretty sure one of the reasons Fred’s with me is because my arse isn’t straight, ya know,” she countered.

“Fair point!” Vona interrupted any response from Fredrick, but then pointed accusingly at Stella:

“So ye better not let that shit go saggy with age, aye?! Keep fit an’ keep clean! Keep those fuckin flaps of yers sparkling an’ smellin’ fresh. Both sets!”

Fredrick had no words, considering he was doing his absolute best to get air back into his lungs by way of wheezing laughter. Stella wasn’t exactly occupying prime real estate under the (admittedly harsh but playful) banter of both her mother and father.

Especially Vona.

But the human figured that now would be an excellent time to turn his attention to the youngest Sabre of the household, who was waiting patiently with arms crossed.

“Well…” he began. “It’s definitely been… interesting.”

A lopsided smirk from Sveta told Fred everything he needed to know.

“You’ll be back soon. I’m not exactly sure you have a choice in that matter,” she said, motioning towards her parents with the tip of her muzzle.

He was inclined to agree with that assessment.

“Yeah, I don’t think so, either. But on that…” he held his arms out invitingly with a warm smile.

“It’s been lovely. Thank you for letting me get on your nerves for a while.”

With a fangy smile of her own, Sveta eagerly wrapped her own arms around Fred’s midsection and lay her head on his shoulder whilst they embraced.

“Cheers, mate. And thank you, as I said before… fer, well… everythin’, too.”

They separated and held their gaze for just long enough before it would have been considered inappropriate.

And as he stepped away, Fred added:

“Catch ya later, alright!”

“You know it! Come back anytime, aye?”

Vona gladly seconded that:

“Aye, laddie! You bring yer arse back here whenever ya want!” she said as she took her place next to Vampir.

The latter placed an arm around her shoulder and held her close—his silent addition to the chorus in the form of a deep, single nod closed out anything else he had to say.

And with that, Stella grabbed Fredrick’s hand and led him towards the front door.

“Alright everypony… I’ll be back soon! Love you all!” she called behind her whilst opening the door to the foggy, outside world.

Her goodbye was met with a swift rebuttal from Sveta:

“We don’t give a fuck about you, slag! Just bring Fredrick back!”

“Goodbye again, love! See you soon!” Vona called with a blown kiss towards her eldest daughter.

Vampir saluted.

“Stay safe, dear.”

“Bye everyone!” Fredrick waved one last time, but Stella quickly shut the door behind them.

Their Thestralshire trip had come to an end.

“Fuck me, it’s like the ride home gets longer every fuckin’ time, mate…” Stella grumbled.

The odd couple made the final, tired leagues of their journey home as they walked straight up to the castle entrance.

Fredrick was more impartial to the ride, just happy that he was able to catch up on some sleep that he didn’t necessarily stock up on during the trip.

“Ehh, could’ve been worse all things considered.”

Stella’s grumbling under her breath continued, and when the human drew his eyes over her, her slackened posture and half-lidded eyes were the telltale hallmark of a mare who was mentally exhausted. All she really wanted to do was probably pass out, and that would’ve been completely okay in his book as well.

“Nyah… fuggoff, love,” she barely directed with barely any effort.

Fredrick chuckled playfully and pulled Stella into him by way of his hand on her waist, and despite her grumbling and less-than-veiled demands for sleep, she accepted the gesture earnestly. She leaned her body into his and lay her head against him.

“Better?” Fredrick dared to ask with his trademark snark.

Stella sighed blissfully in his hold and made sure to angle her arms properly so she could lean on him more comfortably. If he was volunteering himself, he could carry her back to barracks for all she cared.

“Shaddup. Love you.”

With a bright smile, Fredrick kissed Stella’s cheek once.

“Love you too, babe.”

The two made their way up to the castle entrance and were greeted by two batpony Lunar guards at either side, who imposingly stepped forward to meet the duo.

“Evening. And…” the right one greeted, but upon squinting his magenta eyes and instantly recognizing Fredrick and one of their lieutenants, his tune changed.

“Oh. Mister Himmelreich and Lieutenant Sabre. Go right in.”

He nodded to his comrade and the two stood aside.

“Cheers lads,” Stella greeted as they walked past, and Fredrick flashed them both a smirk of appreciation.

“Thanks guys. Have a good evening and shift!”

“Hey thanks!”

“See you around!”

Fred and Stella went on their way, starting on the simple journey back towards either the barracks or the human’s room that they had travelled literally hundreds of times.

“You wanna head to bed at your barracks or you wanna sleep over?” Fred asked, still holding Stella close to him via her waist. “Up to you—whatever’s easiest for you.”

An answer wasn’t so forthcoming, namely because Stella had not thought that far ahead once they got settled on the train ride home.

“Ummm…” she began, but her train of thought was interrupted when—out from a capillary hall—stepped what looked like a much taller guard.

And upon closer inspection as the newcomer walked with a purposeful sashay in front of the duo, Stella was struck with familiarity. Fredrick had no idea who the mocha-brown coated, platinum blonde maned/tailed, brilliantly green-eyed, surprisingly-taller-than-him, guardsmare was.

Her armor wasn’t any scheme that Fredrick had recognized, Solar nor Lunar.

Regardless, as more of her form was revealed by distance and moonlight, Fredrick was once again treated to one of Equestria’s many natural beauties.

Great looooooooord above…

“Helloooo~ you two cute, little lovebirds,” came the newcomer’s greeting in an alluring, sultry accent that flowed over one’s ears like the loveliest of waterfalls in Equestria.

Fredrick’s ear dictated that she sounded quite Slavic. Or perhaps somewhere else in the Balkans? He was terrible with accents from the area.

And little was right… compared to this mare that was clearly over six feet tall, she had a couple inches on Fredrick easily.

Stella was the most appropriate one of the party to return that greeting.

“Midnight fuckin’ Song…” she replied and stepped forward.

The two slapped and secured their hands together in a fierce, familiar shake, and then shared a quick hug.

Midnight, however, slipped her hand low and grabbed a handful of Stella’s ass, much to Fredrick’s abject shock.

“OI!” Stella protested, batting her hand away and separating. “Hands off, cunt! Security clearance only!”

That remark, and reaction, sent Midnight into a giggle fit.

“The perfect balance of firm and squishy… I couldn’t resist!”

“Aye yer goddamn right—but you’ll lose a fuckin’ finger next time,” Stella threatened with little veiling in her jesting.

Midnight beamed excitedly.

“I know exactly where I’d love to lose one…”

“Oh fuck right off, Midnight,” Stella protested, then rolled her eyes before nudging midnight forward towards Fredrick with a rather cute ‘oof!’ on the taller mare’s part.

“Meet me coltfriend—Fredrick Himmelreich. One of top five sexiest stallions on the street—depending on the street,” Stella introduced in her usual pride and flair.

“Hi Midnight!” Fred stepped forward into the moonlight that peaked through the archway and shook the larger mare’s hand. “Pleasure to meet ya! How’s it going?”

Midnight allowed her hand to fall limp in Fredrick’s grasp, almost submissively as her features devolved from bright to sultry.

“Oh believe me, cutie… the pleasure is and would be aaaall mine~,” she said with an impish, coy, fangy smile.

And just like that Fredrick felt way out of his league and comfort zone. Thankfully though, Stella came to the rescue and severed both of their hands abruptly with a single, upward swipe.

“Aye and ye fuckin’ won’t, ya Romaneian cocksleeve,” she uttered almost defensively.

Once again, the giggly Midnight was launched into another laugh-fit.

“Oh you’re no fun, Stella, really… Sometimes I think you really need to get that diamond stick outta that tight, perfect little bum of yours…”

Midnight motioned towards a rather impressively stunned Fredrick.

“And if he doesn’t do it for ya, I have a few ideas~…” she so lewdly suggested.

Stella groaned and ran both her hands down her face. She just wanted to sleep. She could dish and take sexual harassment at a later date. Besides, she got exactly what she needed from the much taller thestral in front of her out of this allegedly random meeting.

But still, what fun was there in not playing it off?

“Psh… Nah mate, Fredrick has plenty enough fer me. And I usually want a diamond hard rod of some sorts deep in me,” she countered whilst wrangling Fredrick closer to her under her arm.

Her sudden strength forced some measure of a choking yelp out of him.

For the human, there was just something erotic about being ‘wrangled’ by a slim, muscular mare who what nothing but adoration for you. He still sometimes didn’t know what he did to deserve this.

Midnight smiled sultrily.

“Well it sure sounds like he can provide. Almost makes me want to ask for a free sample…” she quipped.

Stella—with very little veiling of her attitude on that matter—quietly pushed Fredrick behind her.

“Hidden treasure’s fer me eyes only. It’s sacred—may melt yer fuckin’ face off if yer not worthy when ya see it. And if it doesn’t, I’d make yer face slough off…”

Midnight busted out in jovial, contagious laughter.

“You slay me, Stella, really, you cute little fluffy ball of hate,” Midnight added in a cutesy tone, bending at her knees and squeezing one of Stella’s cheeks.

“But I’ll let you two get on with it. I’m heading to bed anyways, so, have a goodnight you two!” she waved ever-so-sensually brushed against Fredrick’s arm as she walked past in the other direction. Her tail curled around Fred’s leg uncomfortably so as she disappeared into the shadows.

…well then. That was a thing.

Stella turned to Fredrick, but the human was keen on voicing a few of his observations in that exchange:

“Never seen somepony jokingly touch you like that without getting their genitals ripped off…”

She shrugged and acknowledged the anomaly with a rather simple explanation:

“Put it this way, love. If I ever got into a fight with her, she would be the only pony where we would both be going to the hospital with fifty stab wounds each…”

But she decided to address the other issue that just came to light… one that came about as Stella noticed around them, that there was a distinct lack of familiar guards.

In fact, there were no guards at all where there should have been one.

She just had to make sure she wasn’t crazy before she blew an O-ring.

“Fred… today’s Friday, right? Like, I’m not fuckin’ that insane, right?” she asked as she continued to look around and over her shoulder.

Fredrick raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, it’s definitely Friday. Whatsup? You look… unsettled.”

‘Unsettled’ was a rather interesting way of expressing ‘ever expanding fury,’ in Stella’s mind.

“Aye! Fuckin’ Fortnight’s supposed tae be fuckin’ be on post here right fuckin’ now,” she seethed.

Fredrick knew that tone well… Stella had gone off on ponies before and it was often a work of art in his opinion. When it came to matters of the Guard, it was a different type of furor entirely.

Stella was legitimately pissed now in a matter of about ten seconds.

“Uh oh… subordinate of yours?”

Stella ground her teeth together.

“Aye… and apparently a massive fuckin’ bellend tae boot. Oi fuckin’… I honestly can’t believe that somepony in my platoon…” Stella ranted and paced.

Fredrick could only watch in pity for the poor sod that was about to be on the receiving end.

“…would fuck me and his unit. And I know where the fuck he is… Fuckin’ COCKWOMBLE!” she shouted her final word, which made Fredrick jump a millimeter in his shoes.

Stella stopped for a moment, took a deep breath, then exhaled out.

She turned to Fredrick almost pleadingly:

“Love, mind if I sleep in yer room tonight? Need tae… take care of some ‘administrative work’ first though. Wait up fer me?” she asked.

Fred, naturally, had great difficulty saying ‘no’ to that face in particular… one that never failed to make him smile and release an inward sqee of cuteness.

“Sure thing, babe! See you a little later?”

Stella got to her tippy-hooves and planted a wet kiss on Fredrick’s lips. His favorite kind of kiss.

“Mwah! You know it!”

And with that, the two of them went their separate ways, with Fredrick departing down the hall and disappearing into the shadows of the night, ready for Stella to return to him whenever she would.

Stella watched her coltfriend go, and, with a happy sigh that welled up from within her, she exhaled blissfully and made her way towards the castle tavern—the preferred hangout spot of the Royal Guard and other visiting military.

But before she allowed herself to put on her ‘bollocking’ face, she placed her hand right on her asscheek—where Midnight had grabbed her, and felt the presence of exactly what she was looking and hoping for:

Through her back pocket, she could feel the cylindrical presence of a small vial… and upon retrieval with her left hand, she locked her golden eyes to said vial that resembled a large perfume-sample. However, instead of an elixir that would be rudely sprayed in one’s face at a department store, there was instead a finely-ground up, cyan powder…

…well, once Stella unwrapped the paper that was enshrining her prize that is. Said paper happened to be a note from the ‘dealer’ herself, which the thestral promptly read:

This should be enough for one prank.

Split the vial’s contents in two and consume in two separate glasses of water two hours apart for the desired effect. Effects will manifest after approximately eight to ten hours, and I recommend going to bed with him so you wake up with it.

Use it wisely… even though I know you won’t.

Don’t disappoint me ;)

~Lu

With the blessing of her Princess and knowing now was the time to draw up plans for the prank itself, Stella’s mood was lightened considerably, even as she stomped towards the tavern with a purpose.

Those who resided in the castle could not always leave to enjoy time off, or just enjoy the night.

This was usually the case with the stationed military, and as a result, the Princesses had the castle’s massive tavern—oddly named The Porcelain Throne—installed.

That was a long time ago, as well, so naturally, being able to eat and drink at and establishment that old was an achievement for anypony who lived outside of the Castle grounds. For somepony like Stella and her guard kin, it was just more convenient place to get plastered after shifts, or during time off.

There were certainly wonderful times to be had in a place that held way too many questionable memories to be considered healthy nostalgia. But for a certain thestral lieutenant, her first concern was dragging one of her own out of there.

Stella stood rigid in front of the main entrance to the Porcelain Throne, which was a simple, unassuming wooden door that looked too old to be in as good of condition as it was. The muffled, yet inferably loud ‘bar sounds’ could be heard from within.

Her first thought was to boot the door open and wrangle her troops out for daring to allow somepony to shirk on their duties.

Her raised hoof—knee to her chest—and a soundless snarl that could murder was a testament to how close this course of action was to being realized.

However, better judgment prevailed, and she lowered her hoof to the ground. Instead, she stroked her lower lip in thought before reaching towards the latch handle, quietly creaking it open, and stealthily sneaking inside amongst all the sudden noise onset.

Drinks were clinked together and consumed. Bellowing masculine and feminine laughter, chatter, and expletives were constants, and wooden chairs and tables were shuffled and slammed in every direction and manner. This perfect cover was all Stella needed to close the entrance door behind her and prowl for her target.

Her thoughts were even in ‘predator mode.’

Mission start. Locating cunt…

There were easily a hundred or so ponies all scattered about the giant drinking hall, from Solar and Lunar guards, to foreign nationals, to the standard civilians.

However, when Stella was given command of her platoon, she memorized everypony’s name and face, to make sure that she saw them as ponies rather than just as numbers. But conversely that also meant that she knew how to pick any of them out of a crowd for either disciplinary action or merit.

And after a couple tense minutes of sneaking around and keeping a low profile, she found exactly the group she hoped to find: six of her Lunar soldiers, two still armored and the rest in casual clothes. The latter were off duty, and two looked to be socializing before duty—that she knew.

However, one of the casually-garbed batpony stallions did not belong to the ‘off duty’ party.

Cunt located.

Stella righted her hunched posture and stood tall, now not attempting to hide herself. She casually approached the group who were in the midst of a rather intense card game, if the consistent yelling, drinks spilling over, and banging on the table for encouragement was anything to go by.

And right before she entered the group like a shark on an attack run towards its prey, the entire group busted out in cheers and jeers as—it seemed—Fortnight had won the pot.

The offending stallion in Stella’s eyes—one whose emerald mane and identically colored eyes contrasted heavily with his midnight-grey coat—scooped his arms around his winnings.

“You fuckin’ asshole!” jeered one of his comrades who knocked him upside the head.

Fortnight wasn’t deterred, however.

“Hey, don’t worry so much…” the clearly drunk, lightly-slurring guard said.

“Always next time! Now, who’s in for round seven?”

Stella’s face adopted an evilly mischievous complexion as the moment to strike had been presented to her on a silver platter.

She reached into her other back pocket, retrieved her wallet, and pulled out a five-bit note.

She suddenly tossed it in the center before announcing:

“Me! Deal me in!”

However, her iconic drawl drew the entire energy out of the group, and the chatter came to a grinding halt as everypony nearly jumped at Stella’s ghostly entrance.

The drunk Fortnight in Stella’s crosshairs appeared to leak pigmentation out of his dick by the liter. One could probably mistake him for a rank-and-file Solar soldier by now.

Stella placed her hands on her hips once she commanded the attention of her ponies:

“Yer a first-class cunt. You know that, Fortnight?”

His jaw would move, but his mouth refused to make any noise as his eyes flicked from side to side.

“Got nothin’ tae fuckin’ say? Huh?” Stella gradually let her irritation show, having placed both of her hands on the tabletop.

A collective scooch back from the table was taken by the rest of the group.

She gestured to the rest of them.

“Just tae bring everypony up tae speed. Yes. I’m back. Second… did any of ya know that this first-rate, garden-variety fuckin’ bellend is supposed tae be at his fuckin’ post tonight?!”

“Wait… what?!” one of the other thestral mares piped up in objection, all her ire aimed at Fortnight.

“You said you were cleared from your post tonight! Are you fucking serious?!”

He flinched, as if struck.

“I didn’t… I mean, what I meant was that I wasn’t…”

Stella cut him off by slamming her fist into the table.

“You shut the fuck up, you fuckin’ drunk, inflatable fuckin’ minge.”

She snarled and jutted an index finger directly in a sweating Fortnight’s face:

“Another fuckin’ breath outta you and I’ll break both yer wings and toss ye off the fuckin’ mountain, you twat!” she roared, then addressed the rest of the group.

“I’ll rephrase me previous question: who the fuck knew Fortshite ‘ere was fuckin’ AWOL from his post?”

Everypony looked around at each other, and the only one to raise their hand was the first quiet mare that had expressed her disbelief first. Stella already knew she was telling the truth—Vortex was a reliable guard, and the Lieutenant did not regard her with much concern.

The rest, however, she had some measure of doubt. Especially now.

“Oh… no one else brave enough tae come forward? Alright you treacherous fuckwits. Lemme rephrase again…” she looked straight down upon her frightened troop.

“Anypony who knew that yer shithead comrade here was essentially deserting—and I find out about it—will have their rank stripped and be booted back tae private in the fuckin’ army!”

Fortnight’s drunkenness decided to speak for him:

“Lieutenant Sabre I just wanna say that—”

A metallic creaking could almost be heard from how stiffly an enraged Stella turned back to the object of her fury. Her eyes glinted pure hellfire.

“If you don’t shut yer fuckin’ mouth right now I will literally beat the shit outta you and charge ye with fuckin’ dereliction-four!” she yelled, and the emphasis on her last words and their intensity made quite a few attendees jump in their seats.

At those previous mentions, another Lunar guard—in uniform—raised his hand.

“Ma’am, I’d like to note that I had my suspicions about his story and I was going to report it—”

His words stopped the moment Stella’s golden pools of fury affixed onto his now-terrified, wide orange eyes.

“Oh… you… were going to, Nexus?” she emphasized his verbiage with an uncharacteristic innocence.

He nodded.

“Y-Yes…?”

Stella entire complexion deadpanned.

“So. You were going to. But ya fuckin’ didn’t. Congratu-fuckin’-lations ya fuckin’ dick. What, ya expectin’ a fuckin’ blowjob or something?” she queried in disbelief.

Nexus glanced at his comrades for any form of saving grace, but their support was fleeting and nonmaterial, only there to share his terrified look in the face of an unanswerable question, or a facepalm at how retarded he actually was.

“Umm…”

“ANSWER THE FUCKIN’ QUESTION!” Stella roared, startling everypony else in the tavern with her focused voice that they swore came from Princess Luna herself.

“DO YA WANT A FUCKIN’ BLOWEY JOEY FER YER FUCKIN’ SHITE EFFORTS!?”

Nexus tentatively put forth a response since it was officially expected of him:

“Ummm… n-no?”

“Well ya wouldn’t have gotten one anyway, ya snivelling fuckin’ tosser!” Stella riposted.

She then addressed her entire troop present:

“And lemme tell ye lot something! I don’t fuckin’ give ‘blowjobs.’ I give fuckin’ ‘blowcareers!’” she announced, then swung her index finger in front of everypony:

“And you fuckin’ lot—you’d all need tae fuckin’ go back tae fuckin’ basic, get a couple of unpaid fuckin’ internships, and get yer own experience at suckin’ dick before ya can even have the fuckin’ privilege tae lie on yer CVs and get a fuckin’ part-time job in the fuckin’ janitorial department of me fuckin’ fellatio factory, ya retarded fucks!” she loosed her tirade.

And she looked directly back at Nexus.

“Should be easy fer you tae get dick-suckin’ experience, lad. You were in the fuckin’ Royal Marines.”

Stella pivoted back to Fortnight.

“And as fer you ya derelict fuckin’ dickhead. Zero pay for three months. Yer runnin’ The Gauntlet every fuckin’ day fer the next two weeks, and you get an extra two hours of PT every session.” she listed out his punishment.

She then leaned into his face with a dark expression draping her face:

“And if ya fuck me again, and fuck yer platoon again, I’ll castrate you with a fuckin’ rusty sword. And feed yer bollocks tae fuckin’ timberwolves.”

But Stella suddenly had an epiphany, and her eyes lit up and her ears perked accordingly.

“Oh, and everypony…” she addressed her troop. “The entire platoon gets PT fer his fuckup. Also, pass the word on—any shift the platoon would like off fer when ya use leave over the next six months… I’m sure Fortnight here would love tae take it off yer hands! Especially the patrol shifts.”

Stella glanced at Fortnight:

“Isn’t that right?”

Fortnight was completely and utterly defeated, and he didn’t even look at anypony else when he delivered his reluctant response:

“Yes, Ma’am…”

Stella stood up straight and continued to regard Fortnight with the utmost contempt.

But in her final act of punishment on him, she called upon Vortex:

“Vortex?”

She shot to attention.

“Yes Ma’am?”

“I would like you to go over tae Fortnight and deck him in the face as hard as you fuckin’ can. You can refuse this order, but I’ll comp you the night if you comply…”

Fortnight was suddenly quite sober… especially when Vortex smiled sadistically.

“Gladly!” she said with a girly high-pitch and moved from her chair, cracked her knuckles of her right hand, and advanced on her comrade.

“Vortex… please don’t do this…” Fortnight pleaded as he felt he was staring down death. He scooted back to little effect.

Vortex wouldn’t have any of it:

“Sorry… this is for lying to us and getting us in fucking trouble, fuckface,” she stated.

And then she delivered—in Stella’s intellectual opinion—one of the most perfect uppercuts she had ever seen in her entire life. Vortex’s fist slammed under Fortnight’s chin and slugged him into the magical dimension. The sound of her knuckle colliding with chin echoed throughout the tavern and the night.

Fortnight was sent backwards with his chair and was out cold and snoring once he hit the ground.

The vicarious groans could be heard for miles from any who witnessed the spectacle.

And with that, Stella was finished.

“Let this be a lesson tae everypony here. Pass on the word. Now get Fortnight back tae barracks. Dismissed.

“And well done, Vortex.”

“Serves him right.”

As a consequence for having to deal with one of her soldiers deserting their post, Stella had to deal with some fallout and report to Princess Luna what had happened, and what she was doing to remedy the situation. Of course, there were some choice details that were left out of that reporting, but likely for the better.

The whole situation was rectified in Her Majesty’s eyes, and performance and morale were back to normal.

One of the worse consequences of this, in Stella’s opinion, was that she was not able to action her plan of prank retaliation on Fredrick for some time. This was also due to some performance kinks that she needed to work out in her unit, as well as a new recruiting drive that inducted more questionably capable candidates into the ranks, which added a few more bodies to Stella's platoon.

Thankfully after things had settled down over the course of a few months, the time to strike had finally arrived.

She and Fredrick had not had a proper good date night—or really any night to just hang out—due to Stella’s guard problems other than meeting for a quick meal or some drinks, or even a quickie. So once things had finally freed up materially, the two happily organized something simple up in Fredrick’s room.

This entailed a throwback to how they as an item started: terrible movies, artery-clogging food, and a requisite amount of alcohol to wash it all down.

The only difference was that sex also happened. Lots and lots of sex, as a matter of fact.

And with how annoyingly stressful the last couple months had been for Stella, the pent-up stress that she took out on Fredrick was nothing short of spectacular for both parties involved.

The movie on the magical projector played softly throughout the background as merely white noise, as neither Fredrick nor Stella were paying any attention to it anymore. The drinks had been more than a smidge disturbed and the food had been consumed quite early in the evening.

Fredrick’s bed was a mess of crumpled sheets and a comforter with a concerning amount of fresh stains from a questionable probability of different sources. The balcony door was wide open to let in some of the air from the cool evening and further wind them down.

Barely a few minutes ago, Fredrick had finished his last thrusts into his marefriend and after multiple rounds filled with expletives and expressions of ecstasy from both parties involved, Fredrick had finally been completely spent.

As for Stella, she lay on her back, completely nude atop of Fredrick’s unquestionably ruined covers. The air from outside wafted over her still steaming body and served to cool the tips of her coat pleasurably, as well as help to extinguish what remained of the fire between her legs. Her golden pools stared through the high ceiling and regarded the world with indifference as naught but pure satisfaction coursed through every vessel in her tight, fit body.

Fredrick lay beside her, also nude, and felt he was one with the universe now. After the first couple of rounds he had to actually conscript his dick back into the service to continue plundering the untenable quagmire of the Vietnam that was Stella’s vagina.

Regrettably, he did have to pull out eventually despite pounding her back into the iron age.

Such was his noble quest to prevent the spread of Communism in Stella’s vertical smile. For he and only he could have her panty hamster.

And then Fredrick proceeded to seriously question his thought process on exactly why he felt the need to think of things in that exact manner, but goddamn it was hilarious to him.

The human angled his head towards his marefriend with a fatigued, proud smile. Their hands were still dutifully connected, fingers intertwined.

“Heh… you alright over there? Finally had your fill?” he dared to ask, though he knew he had taken a big risk.

Had he given any indication to the insatiable creature that he had the slightest inkling of being able to go another round, she would probably have taken him up on it.

Here we possibly go again, boner!

Oh god Fred please no…

However, the internal conflict in the form of a dick coup d’état withered away once Stella—through a deep breath—conveyed with one of the dopiest smiles that Fredrick loved seeing:

“Aye… I think I’m good fer now, love…” she said, looking back at him and locking her eyes with his

Eyes that radiated so profoundly for him.

So much so that Fred felt that those damn stomach butterflies might as well start paying rent, because they sure as hell were never going to go away if she kept looking at him like that.

Stella squeezed his hand harder and emphasized their connection with a shake. She gave him a lopsided smirk with one of her fangs dipping below her upper lip. In Fredrick’s perspective, at that moment, Stella’s look changed… something deep within her eyes amplified how he felt for her. If this were a cartoon, he figured that this would be the part where her pupils were replaced by beating hearts.

That intense. And he had no ability to stop himself from smiling so wanting-ly at her.

She did have one thing to add:

“I love you. Thank you fer that, by the way… god I fuckin’ needed that. Just was hoping I wouldn’t maim ye…” she voiced with an ending chuckle.

Fredrick took Stella’s hand and lead it to his mouth, where he kissed the top. Oddly for her, such a simple gesture brought out some extra blush from her than what was afforded already by the now-concluded, steamy love-making session.

“I love you too, Stella… hope you always know that,” he added.

Much to a playful eyeroll from Stella in response.

“Fuckin’ hell, yer fuckin’ too much sometimes. Can ya go five whole minutes without bein’ so goddamn sappy?” she protested, though with little in the way of zeal behind her words.

“You love every second of it,” Fredrick so pointedly countered, and his expression never changed. These protests of hers were consistent.

Stella pursed her lips and nodded. But inside, she was grinning evilly, for her mental clock had passed the point of zero hour of her operation.

“Oh yeah… that’s totally me, just lickin’ up yer sap like I lick up yer cum after vacuum-cleaning yer weird-shaped skin rifle,” she deadpanned, but then promptly bounded up from the bed to her hooves.

As was customary by now, she had little need to cover herself as she strutted to the bathroom.

She glanced over her shoulder back at Fredrick, whom she knew was getting a nice eye-full of her ass that jiggled with every spry step she took.

“I’mma get some water and rinse me face, you want some?” she asked nonchalantly.

Part of her plan going swimmingly was that Fredrick was not supposed to know what was to transpire. She had to keep him in the dark as much as possible much like he did when he pranked her with the Poison Joke.

It was his turn to feel the wrath… though this time, of a certain Potion 63.

However, that question elicited an eyebrow that raised and broke through the ceiling with how hard Fredrick was questioning her internally.

“Wait… did you say you were gonna go drink water?” he asked in utter disbelief. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you hydrate once since I’ve known you,” he noted, jogging his memory for any recollection that would prove him wrong.

Stella suppressed any of her fears—she could lie her way out of anything… usually.

“Ye think I fuckin’ run around and don’t have water? Lad, I fuckin’ gulp down about a gallon and a half a day! If anything, you should drink more ya dehydrated piss sack,” she shot back in one of the greatest ‘no u’ reversals in history.

From her perspective, it seemed Fredrick bought the ruse.

“Honestly, I always thought you survived on regular injections of Sapphire Cream Cutie,” the human replied snarkily, though there wasn’t even a shred of sarcasm in his words.

“Well yeah… why else would I need so much water? Blood would be fuckin’ hundred-proof,” Stella responded as she disappeared into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her but was careful not to shut it all the way to avoid rousing any more suspicion.

She lifted the faucet handle and began running the water, and all the while, she dug through her shorts that she had discarded earlier during the night. Within her back pocket she had stowed away the vial that held all her hopes and dreams of the next day or so.

Stella held it in her palm and turned it within her fingers, noting how the light glinted off both the glass and the finely ground Potion 63 within. The cyan blue almost looked appetizing, like a hard candy she would frequent at the store… but the seasoned mare knew better than that—her consumption of this was not for taste.

But for hilarity.

A fangy, evil smirk crossed her features again as she untwisted the teeny cap with her fingers and tossed it over her shoulder. Then, it was a simple as filling a single scotch glass with water from under the running faucet.

Righto… one glass. Let’s go half the potion…

Per Princess Luna’s instructions, Stella carefully portioned the potion to the grain with the precision of a biochemist. She leaned in close and squinted those predatorial eyes whilst pinching her tongue between her lips to make sure that it was just exactly half.

The cyan powder collected within the crystal-clear water and pooled into an identically colored globule at its center. A quick swirl on Stella’s part and the water was once again, clear as perfect glass.

Stella took a deep breath and straightened her naked form.

Welp, down the hatch!

After another swirl for good luck, she internally said a traditional batpony cheers, and dumped the glasses contents down her gullet.

It tasted exactly like water—she wished some of her favorite alcohol went down like water, that was for sure.

Alright… now for the second dose.

She repeated her previous steps and after fifteen seconds of careful preparation, a second glass of water was sent straight to her stomach.

Hail hydrate.

And with that, the ritual had been completed, and Stella’s plans had been set in motion. The thestral took an extra, celebratory ‘shot’ of water, then retrieved a new glass. She filled it up appropriately and strolled back out into the cool room with an extra giddiness in her step.

“Alright, water fer you, Fred!” she announced, striking a fierce, naked pose in the middle of the room.

“And let’s fuck off tae sleep fer the night. I think I’m gonna collapse from nearly being fucked stupid, love.”

“Sounds good, babe. Let’s hit the hay then—now get over here!”

Creative exodus from my brain finally fucked off.

Oh god Part 21 is gonna be fuckin' lit

And thanks a ton to Ausbrony for letting me borrow his OC Midnight Song!!