"Thanks, Mom."

by naturalbornderpy

Chapter 1: Noble Heart's Serious Booboo

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On her guard’s cheek was a tiny smudge of pink frosting. Over the last two minutes, the guard had been explaining to her all about the upcoming changes that would be taking place within the guard ranks, but, sadly, most of her focus had remained solely on that tiny smudge of pink.

Cupcake? Donut? Slice of cake? Celestia mused. He must know something’s there, right?

“May I return to my rounds, your highness?” the guard asked once he was done with his speech.

Celestia had to shake herself awake. “Hmm? Oh, right. Yes, you may. Just… hold still for a moment.”

The guard furrowed his brows, but did as he was told. His eyes followed Celestia’s movements as she first grabbed a nearby cloth before dunking it in a water pitcher.

“Princess…?” was all the guard got out before Celestia lightly dabbed at his cheek with it.

Celestia smiled thinly. “You had a bit of frosting on your cheek.”

“Oh.” A small blush rose on the guard’s face. “I had a cupcake after lunch. It won’t happen again, Princess. I promise.”

“That’s quite all right.” Celestia returned her cloth to the table beside her. “There. Now you’re as good as new.”

The guard tipped his head at her before spinning to leave. “Thanks, mom. I’ll be returning to my…” His sentence died as did his pace to the door. Even facing away from her, Celestia could tell his head had turned so red it was as if someone had dumped an entire barrel of wine on him.

“Did you just call me mom?” Celestia asked him curiously.

The guard actually took time to ponder that. “No?”

“All right. Only making sure. You may return to your duties, then.”

Not wasting the given opportunity, the guard quickly bolted from the room and out of sight, helplessly skidding across the marble floors as he swiftly rounded a corner.

Celestia could only cover her mouth with a hoof and laugh.

“Mom,” she muttered to herself. “That’s new.”


The next odd incident came only two days later, when a different panting guard rushed inside of her throne room to halt by her hooves.

“Princess Celestia! There’s been an accident!” he breathlessly exclaimed.

“Where? And involving who?” Celestia got up from her throne.

“Inside the castle! Noble Heart! He’s a day time guard! He’s… he’s requesting your presence, Princess. I don’t know if he has much time left!”

A lump of ice dropped inside of Celestia’s gut. One of my guards seriously injured inside my very own castle? Possibly life threatening? But how? Yet none of that mattered then. A guard was asking for her and as far as Celestia was concerned there was nothing that would stand in her way from seeing him.

“Lead the way,” she announced.

The trip to the injured guard took less than twenty seconds and during that entire time Celestia kept watch for items of possible interest. Fallen ladders someone might’ve toppled off of. Broken windows someone might’ve cut themselves on. Destroyed chandeliers someone might’ve tragically been standing under once they gave way. But no. All she found was one perfectly waxed floor and a lone guard on the ground, clutching one of his forelegs to his chest.

“Noble Heart?” Celestia asked tentatively.

The injured guard raised his head—his bottom lip trembling. He nodded a few times, but did not speak.

“Are you in pain? Can you walk?” Celestia continued, kneeling beside him. “I could always teleport you to the castle’s hospital wing if that would make things easier.”

Noble Heart shook his head and held out his leg to her. On it was a few scrapes and a single deep purple bruise. Painful, but nowhere near life threatening.

“He was injured slipping on the recently waxed floor,” the guard that rushed to her earlier explained. “He must not have seen any of the wet floor signs.”

“A serious booboo, if you ask me,” another nearby guard went on to clarify.

Celestia raised a sharp brow. “So… it’s not that serious, then?”

“He wants you to kiss it better, Princess.”

Grimacing, Celestia opened her mouth, about to protest, but shut it with a snap. There seemed to be no joke to be found here. All three of the guards surrounding her were taking this whole scenario as serious as tooth decay.

“Umm… sure, why not? What harm could there be?” Gingerly, Celestia took Noble Heart’s scraped and bruised leg and gave it the smallest of kisses in-between the injures. Then she looked up at him.

Noble Heart sniffled a single time and sluggishly got back to his hooves. As he walked up the hall, he favored his good leg and only hobbled a bit. Other than that, he seemed fine.

After the other two guards thanked her and gave her a quick hug, Celestia returned to her throne room with a rather large question nearly burning its way through her skull.


“Do the guards in the castle view me as some mother figure?”

Celestia’s random inquiry did little to shake Time Tracker, her personal day planner. Rather than show any emotion at all, he instead jotted down a few more notes on his ever expanding scroll and chuckled to himself dryly. “And what ever gave you that idea, your highness?”

“Over the last three days a guard accidentally referred to me as ‘mom’ and another one requested that I kiss their ‘booboo’ better.” She sighed. “I’ve never been a mother before, but suddenly it feels like I’m surrounded by children, all covered in armor and holding spears.”

“You do realize acting as guard is a full time position, do you not?” Time Tracker spoke without looking up from his scroll. “That most of the guards live within the castle and only see their families during weekends off or on holidays?”

“Well, yes, I know of our guards’ current living situations,” Celestia informed him curtly, “but what does that have to do with me being called ‘mom’ all of a sudden?”

Finally, Time Tracker glanced up at her, fiddling with the small pair of reading glasses perched on his snout. “You’ve always been rather nice to all the guards: looked after them; tried to remember their names as best you could; shown interest in their hobbies and passions. Perhaps not being able to see their own mothers whenever they’d like, they’ve come to see you as another mother figure in their lives. You have always been a lot bigger than most normal sized stallions. Most have no choice but to look up to you.”

Celestia scoffed at that. “I’ve told you before, Time Tracker; I never had a say in how tall I’d eventually become. I simply grew and grew and then stopped one day. But you honestly believe that’s the sole reason for all of this?”

Time Tracker tapped at his chin in thought. “It may also have to do with being a guard in general. Most children would want to protect their mother whatever the costs, and these guards spend most of their days doing just that: guarding. It’s really no surprise that they would become attached to you this way.” He hesitated before asking, “Does it truly bother you, your highness? One would think you’d almost be flattered at being thought of that way by so many.”

Rather than answer the question right then and there, Celestia instead requested him to read out that day’s timetable while she absently nodded along. On her desk was a postcard from another one of her many guards that had traveled to Yakyakistan on a research assignment only two weeks prior. On the front of the card was the guard in question pleasantly waving his hoof at the camera. She flipped it around to skim the message on the back again.

“Dear mom Princess Celestia,

Hope all is well. I visited the Yaktakistan national museum late last night and decided to…”

Celestia didn’t need to read the rest of the postcard’s contents. She’d read and reread it half-a-dozen times by now. What made her keep coming back to it was that she had absolutely no idea of how to properly respond. She knew he was “GUARD 2131”, but calling him that felt highly impersonal; especially after almost being called ‘mom’ in the postcard’s opening line.

After another moment’s pause, she scribbled down “Hey, Sport! Glad to hear—” before crossing it out. Hopefully she’d think of a better way to start it soon.

“So I hear you are the castle’s official mother figure now?”

Celestia looked up from her postcard and to Princess Luna, standing in front of her desk. “And how would you know that?” Celestia asked.

“Because I have been here for the last five minutes and heard everything,” Luna replied evenly. “Did no one honestly look in that corner of the room the entire time I was standing there?”

“I guess not.” Using her horn, Celestia slid all of her paperwork to the edge of her desk to think. Then she glanced at Luna again. “What say you about all this ‘mother’ business? Is it ridiculous or is it just me?”

Luna flashed a smirk. “I find it endearing. Cute, almost. Just make sure you don’t go spoiling one Canterlot guard over the rest. Remember, Celestia: good mothers don’t pick favorites.” She stopped to glance at one of paintings on the walls, before asking in a nonchalant fashion, “Speaking of guards… you haven’t heard any of them accidentally referring to me as ‘mom’ recently have you? I only ask because of how much I would simply hate to get involved in all this mom nonsense.”

“I have heard not a word, Princess. Not a single solitary one.” Time Tracker didn’t even budge from his stroll when he spoke up.

Celestia decided to dance around the subject a little more carefully. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Luna. I’m sure that first time was merely an accident and nothing more. Perhaps I’m only looking into it more than I should.”

Frowning, Luna angrily stomped on the floor. “So you get to be called ‘mom’ and I do not? What fairness is there in that? I am in this castle just as often as you are! More so sometimes!”

“But truth be told, Luna,” Celestia began timidly. “I have been around some of these guards a lot longer than you. Decades with some of them, in fact. And being nice and supportive always helps.”

Princess Luna is the embodiment of nice!” Luna loudly decried. “Her love is so bright and warm it would melt the eyes off anyone that would dare get too close to it!

“I would try not spreading that rumor around if I were you, Princess Luna,” Time Tracker added from behind the safety of his lengthy scroll. “Might make procuring a second date rather difficult.”

Celestia bit the tip of her tongue before addressing her sister again. “One thing you could always try, Luna, is maybe not giving the guards bad dreams in the middle of the night so they’re forced to get up and start making you things.”

Luna’s eyes bugged out. “How else will I receive my nightly grilled cheese sandwich requirement?”

“Make them yourself?”

Luna stared at her deadpan, before shooting her head toward the ceiling to laugh. And then laugh some more. It was only when she noted Celestia not chuckling in the slightest that she wiped at her watering eyes and ceased. “Oh, you were serious.”

Celestia only nodded.

Luna sighed. “How was I to tell you were being completely serious? Unlike you, Celestia, most ponies have different tones when they are trying to make others laugh. How about whenever you finish telling an actual joke, you finish it by adding ‘Funny joke!’ That is what I have started to do and so far it has worked most stupendously. Here, let me demonstrate.”

Using her horn, Luna flung open the doors to the room, nearly clipping a guard that happened to be strolling by.

“Hey! You!” Luna shouted to him, causing him to stop and stare. “Your Princess took a stroll in the park today! While there she fed a squirrel and the squirrel enjoyed it immensely!”

The guard stared at her bewildered. “Oh… okay.”

“Funny joke!”

The guard grimaced. “Crap, not this again—I mean… hahaha!” Then he began laughing as loud as a drunken donkey with front row seats at a comedy club.

Luna turned back to Celestia with a grin. “See? With that kind of back-and-forth in place, soon even Princess Luna will have her very own macaroni art pictures to hang on her bedroom walls!”

Celestia furrowed her brows. “Macaroni art pictures?”


It turned out that Princess Luna had been correct about the forthcoming macaroni art pictures, but hadn’t foreseen the rest of the hoof-made crafts that would follow suit. As much as Celestia had wanted to pass blame onto the new arts and crafts store opening up only a stone’s throw away from the castle, she couldn’t rightfully do so. She had to remind herself that it was her guards and her guards alone that were responsible for the sudden onslaught of hoof-made gifts.

“Macaroni picture… macaroni picture…” Celestia murmured aloud. Her horn worked overtime trying to sort the large assortment of arts and crafts currently running rampant on her desk. Every morning that week, she’d found more and more of them piled up there. “Papier-mâché hot air balloon… crudely made clay pot… popcorn necklace… and what in Equestria is this supposed to be?”

She held up a colorful picture that had a black hoof print at its very center. The paint strokes surrounding it seemed to indicate that it was meant to be a colorful turkey of sorts. Sadly, it hadn’t turned out all that well.

“And when did this even happen?” Celestia shoved aside the “Hoof Turkey” picture to levitate up another one. This one depicted herself crouched behind one of her guards as he angled his sharp spear in the direction of a horde of approaching ponies. Behind Celestia was a long table covered in several tea pots and cups. Then it finally struck her.

The Royal Tea Brewer’s Competition, she mused, although most of the picture hadn’t captured the event at all. For starters, her guard had never used his spear that day or kept a gang of angry ponies at bay from her. In fact, the only interesting event Celestia could recall that day was when they found a chip on her tea cup and they had to ask for another one.

Celestia shrugged. Perhaps her guards only wanted to imagine themselves trapped in more perilous circumstances. At least in that case, it was rather simple to save the day.

A knock on the door pulled at her attention and another guard timidly entered the room. He held a folded up bit of parchment underneath one of his wings. “Is now a bad time, Princess?” His eyes never seemed to leave the floor.

“Not at all.” Celestia tried to shove most of her gifts out from view. “How can I help you this morning, Stout Shield?”

Stout’s cheeks burned crimson and he anxiously scratched at a leg. “I was only wondering… if maybe you could…”

“Yes?” Celestia gently nudged him along.

Eventually, Shield grabbed the bit of parchment he had tucked under his wing and unfolded it. “I know lately you’ve been allowing guards to hang stuff on the cafeteria fridges and I was only wondering if you could maybe hang this up as well.” He gulped dryly. “It’s the results from my Pegasus Aerial Speed Test. I scored a ninety-two and the judges even complimented me on my flight stance. They also told me that my wings are the perfect shape for tight curves.”

Celestia’s muzzle broke out into a smile. “That’s such fantastic news, Stout Shield. I’ll make sure it receives its rightful place on the cafeteria fridge before the day is through.”

Unable to contain the goofy grin starting to devour his face, Stout only continued to stare at the floor and scratch at his leg.

“Upon second thought,” Celestia continued, “I know the perfect place to hang it. I think it was just the other day that another guard also passed his Aerial Speed Test. Cloud Cover, his name was. Then we’ll have both of Canterlot’s best pegasi side by side.”

Like a badly punctured balloon, Stout Shield’s big goofy grin deflated in an instant. “Oh, right… Cloud Cover. I know him. I heard he got ninety-six on his test. I’d rather not be compared to him, actually—what with the better marks and all. Never mind, Princess. It’s fine.” With his head held low, the guard abruptly spun around and headed for the doors, but not before balling up his test paper and throwing it to the floor.

“Stout Shield?” Celestia rose from her desk. “Stout Shield, wait just a moment.”

The guard stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn around. Celestia rushed over to him and scooped the crumpled parchment off the ground with her aura, unfurling it and smoothing it out as best she could.

“What’s the matter?” she asked him softly. “Why would you want to destroy your own test results? You did fantastic, Stout Shield.”

His eyes began to shimmer. “But not ninety-six percent fantastic!”

Celestia ran a hoof under his eyes. “That’s no reason to not celebrate what you’ve accomplished, though. Cloud Cover may have scored higher than you, but did the judges compliment him as they did you? Did they mention his perfect flight stance?”

Stout shook his head.

“Or his perfectly shaped wings?”

Again, Stout shook his head.

She smiled warmly. “I’m sure you’re both very talented pegasi, but just because one of you scored higher than the other doesn’t mean that they’re anyway better than you. Everyone’s skilled in different things and that’s what makes each of us special in our own way. My sister Luna might be better suited for combat than I, but I am much better suited for politics than she is. But put us together and we make a very formidable team.”

“So you’ll…” Stout began slowly. “So you’ll still hang up my test? Even if it’s not as good as Cloud Cover’s?”

“Of course I will.” Celestia gave him a faint kiss on the forehead. “And always remember that I’m very proud of you, no matter what. Of all my guards, in fact.”

Stout Shield seemed to take that to heart, as he dried his eyes and his original goofy grin returned in full force. He started toward the doors again. “Thanks, mom… lestia… Celestia! Umm… I better get going now! Bye!”

She stared at him quizzically. “Did you actually refer to me as mom-lestia just now?”

Once again, the guard had to ponder on what he’d just said. “No?”

Shutting her eyes, Celestia let him leave and breathed out a long sigh.

After everything that had come to light recently, Celestia was most certainly not looking forward to the upcoming Mother’s Day next week; now that she knew she had more “children” than she knew what to do with.

Although she did have to admit a “BEST MOM” coffee mug sounded rather intriguing.

Author's Notes:

In third grade I accidentally called my homeroom teacher "mom". Obviously, she adopted me right afterwards and has regretted the decision ever since. Sorry, "mom"! Not leaving the house this decade!

In all seriousness, I always thought the relationship between Celestia and her guards rather interesting. They "technically" don't do much to protect her (she can protect herself), but they're always around regardless.

Also, considering they're most likely around their mid-twenties to mid-thirties (in MLP ages), the idea of them trying to individually get Mom-lestia's attention struck me as oddly adorable. :rainbowkiss: Or not.

Next Chapter: Mom Wars (Bonus Chapter) Estimated time remaining: 8 Minutes
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