Our entire crew, Twilight and Spike included, gathered outside of town, where Applejack and Rainbow Dash had made preparations for their little competition. I wondered if this was what they had put all their extra bits toward. I was tempted a moment to think of it as frivolous, but then I started getting an idea.

"Twilight, would you give me some writing materials? I want to take some notes," I requested.

"Really?" she asked, giggling to herself lightly as she summoned quill, ink and parchment. "Usually I'm the only one taking notes, though I'll be too busy being the judge. At least Fluttershy offered to help keep the official tally."

"I'll explain later, just keep them honest," I said, settling in to watch from the sidelines.

The first event, the barrel weave, was incredibly close, and impressive on both counts. Applejack made great time, slolaming past the barrels, but earned a penalty for nudging one in passing. Rainbow was a second slower, surprising me, but with no penalties she earned a victory. This was perfect though, and I added it to my notes. Speed, dexterity, evasive maneuvering. As well as the general stamina gains from such aerobic activities, when extended beyond mere sprints.

The second event looked to be borrowed from a carnival: a weight was launched up a scale to a bell at the top, but unlike the human version that would use a hammer, the pony version was designed to be bucked. Applejack's victory here seemed obvious to me. Rainbow went first, ringing the bell and proving she had a descent amount of strength behind her bucks, but even as she came my way to celebrate, Applejack struck the target so hard the weight smashed through the bell, destroying it. If we were to add something like this to our training regimen, it'd need to be much stronger. And honestly, there was little stronger than the Apple family's apple trees.

The third event just seemed unnecessarily cruel: bucking as hard as they could to dislodge Spike from their back, while the little dragon loudly complained about his inclusion in the event. I wondered whether we were likely to face any adversaries that would need to be bucked free, and what other forms of grapples they should be prepared to break out of. I could be a much better opponent than Spike, and push them to higher levels of skill. I took longer writing out my notes than the mares took dislodging Spike.

The hog tying event seemed like a questionable alley for us. Applejack's skills with the rope were a clear asset, and we might need to work on developing training techniques that would help her push it farther into combat effectiveness, Rainbow was more of a danger to herself than her target, and I doubted the rest of our team would have fared that much better. Perhaps it'd be a good form of sparring between Applejack and I? I made a note. We also needed to look into more non-lethal takedowns for our whole team. If rope was a poor choice for some of us, what would work better? Would Rarity's acupuncture scale down to pony-sized combatants? And what of Fluttershy's technique that turned away the ursa major? I could probably use something other than the flat of my blade, for that matter.

As the events continued, I did my best to analyse each event as the basis for potential training methods. Some seemed better suited for certain tribes or ponies, some would clearly need some adaptation, and some were simply poor choices. But the whole process did a lot to help me understand how the differences between human and pony affected their training needs, as well as even the differences between the tribes. Not a single event was designed for flight, but Rainbow used her wings throughout in a variety of ways that pushed her well into the lead.

Applejack didn't take it kindly. Things came to a head when Rainbow Dash took flight during the final event, a game of tug-of-war. As a contest of brute force, the farmer had the clear advantage, but rather than be dragged into the mud, Rainbow took to the skies, lifting Applejack off the ground and over the mud. With neither pony actually in the mud, and neither having lost their grip, Twilight refrained from calling a winner. Applejack tried to speak through a mouthful of rope, and when that failed to convey her message, she opened her mouth and fell, losing the contest.

"Woo-hoo! I win by a landslide, or a mudslide in your case," Rainbow Dash gloated. I wasn't looking forward to her hamfisted, err... hamhooved attempts to woo me by talking up her victory. Still, she had won three-quarters of the events. "I am the iron pony!"

"Only because you cheated!" accused Applejack.

"What?!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

"You used your wingpower to win over half of those events," Applejack alleged as I set my notes aside and started toward them.

"Sounds like sour apples to me," Rainbow Dash said. She had a point, even if her way of making it wasn't making me happy about taking her side.

"Are you saying you didn't use your wings?" Applejack questioned.

"She's a pegasus," I pointed out. "Are you suggesting you didn't use your earth pony strength to win any of your events?"

"What, no, how would I even?" Applejack replied flustered.

"We each have our strengths. Hers include her wings," I said. "I took some notes. Starting next week, we'll be training together for a full day, once a week, to improve those strengths and shore up our weaknesses. I'll be using some of these events as a basis for your training."

"Say what now?" Applejack responded first.

"Maybe you'll be ready to be a real competitor next time," Rainbow Dash said before blowing Applejack a raspberry.

"Umm, can I be excused from any iron-pony-like training," Fluttershy inquired softly.

"No. You need it more than anypony. Don't worry about beating the athletes here; you need to improve your own ability and with it your confidence," I answered.

"We'll make it fun! Can I cater our weekly training parties? Oh, and the celebratory after-training parties?" Pinkie Pie inquired.

"Yes, but catering doesn't get you out of training," I replied.

"I see what you're trying to do, darling, but I simply cannot take that much time away from my shop so often," Rarity tried to excuse.

"Same with me and the farm," Applejack added.

"You're each being paid a thousand bits a month for preparedness. Make time. If it means you have to hire somepony to pick up the slack, or turn customers away, you can afford the loss of bits," I pointed out.

"What about me and Spike?" Twilight asked.

"You should join us when you can, but you're our researchers, so you'll have other things you can be doing to help the team," I explained.

"I'll come to the next one, at least. Maybe I can research improvements in your training process?" she suggested.

"Great, so now the egghead is going to tell us how to be better athletes?" Rainbow Dash complained. "Do I tell you how to read?"

"Dash, you need to cool that attitude of yours," I said, voicing my annoyance. "Twilight's job description in our team is to read up on how we can be better at what we do. You will give her the respect she deserves, just as she respects your athleticism. Got it?"

Dash balked at the rebuke. "Some marefriend you are," she muttered under her breath. It was a good reminder of how much trouble commanding officers could cause trying to date their subordinates. It was a difficult pair of roles to do well together, some claimed impossible. But we weren't a military unit, not technically.

As she sulked off, Applejack moved to intercept her. I didn't catch what they were discussing, but I wasn't hopeful for the results.

The next day was the annual 'Running of the Leaves'. Since the harvest had come and gone, the leaves on the trees had gradually changed colors, as I expected for autumn. But unlike my home, here the leaves clung to the trees until they were knocked free. Apparently this was done by a well organized stampede; nearly all the town's ponies raced down a trail all around the town, the thundering of their hooves shaking the leaves free. I supposed it was more fun than bucking the leaves off each tree. I wasn't sure how well my own footsteps would contribute, but I was happy to join the run. It'd be a good chance to practice suppressing my mako, while pushing my pure physical limits. Doing so was a good way to help my body get more out of training, as well as improve my restraint for when I needed to take someone down non-lethally.

Looking around, I was a bit surprised at one of the participants, but Applejack voiced her surprise before I could. "Twilight? What in tarnation are you doin' here?"

"I'm racing," the librarian responded with simple confidence.

"What? You're not an athlete, you're a... well... you're an egghead," Rainbow Dash objected. She was bound in rope about her midsection, pinning her wings to her sides. Applejack's doing, I guessed. That was a bad sign. She was still sore about the iron pony competition, and that meant they'd be turning this into another competition as well. Competition didn't have to be bad, but I had a bad feeling about how things were playing out.

"Lay off, Rainbow," I interjected. "The Running of the Leaves isn't just for athletes. Most of the town is here."

"That's right, Rainbow," Twilight agreed. "The Running of the Leaves is a Ponyville tradition, and since I'm here to learn, I've decided I should experience it myself."

"Well, I think that's just dandy, Twilight. Good luck," Applejack said. It would have come across as supportive, except that she ruined it with a snicker.

"Yeah, see you at the finish line... tomorrow," Rainbow Dash piled on, before looking up at me. "At least I'll have some good company while I wait. Come on, Cloud, let's show 'em what real athletes can do."

"I won't be using any mako as I run, so I'm a bit handicapped myself," I told her.

"Like I'm not using my wings? We're still both badass, hardcore athletes," Rainbow Dash said. "I'll bet you come in second, right after me," she said with a pose I couldn't quite make sense of.

"All right ponies, are you ready?" Pinkie Pie called down from a hot air balloon.

"Get set," Spike followed up from beside her, leading the ponies on the ground and I to brace to start our run.

A bell rang out, and hooves and feet began to pound the ground as we all got into motion. Applejack and Rainbow Dash took the lead right out of the gate, with the announcers commenting on their evershifting positions. I tuned out the commentary and focused instead on what I was doing. Most of the ponies passed me: without Mako boosting me, it was hard to keep up with the quadrupeds whose bodies were designed for such forward motion. I wasn't worried. I hadn't pinned my pride on placing well. I was just enjoying a nice brisk run among the trees. Besides, I was pacing myself a bit.

I decided to pace myself just a little less when Twilight Sparkle nearly passed me, instead matching her pace. "Isn't it amazing?" she asked, as she looked around at the scenery, trotting along at a nice steady speed.

"I can't believe it," Applejack answered, as we came upon her prone form.

"What are you doing way back here?" I asked her.

She snorted fiercely as she got to her feet. "Rainbow Dash tripped me!"

I looked down, seeing the furrow where Applejack had face-planted, pointing back at a large rock in the road. "Looks like you tripped yourself on that rock," I stated.

"Did not, your marefriend tripped me!" she insisted. "Oh, hayseed, now I've got a lot of ground to make up to catch her." The farm-mare sprinted off, leaving Twilight and I behind.

"This does not bode well," I told the librarian.

"You're dating Rainbow Dash?" Twilight inquired curiously.

"That's what she's telling everypony," I said. "We went on one date, after our little truth or dare session. I didn't go that well, and she hasn't so much as asked me out on a second."

"Would you, if she asked?" she questioned.

"I honestly don't know right now," I admitted. "It'd probably depend how she asks. If she-" I shut up as I saw we were coming up upon the mare in question. She was lying prone, a few yards past a telltale tree stump.

"Guh! I don't believe it, Applejack tripped me!" the pegasus accused.

"Don't you ponies ever look where you're going? You tripped on a stump. See?" Twilight pointed out the culprit.

"Oh, I see. A big cheater is what I see. And what are you doing way back here with the egghead?" Dash demanded. "We'd both better hurry if we're going to beat Applejack!"

"Applejack isn't a cheater," I asserted. "Just watch where you're going."

"Sure she isn't," Rainbow said sarcastically. "She better just watch out, 'cause here I come." And with that she was gone, a rainbow blur left in her wake.

"This isn't going to end well," I told Twilight as we continued.

"The race or your relationship?" Twilight teased.

"Probably both," I worried.

"Whitetail Wood is just lovely, don't you think so, Cloud?" Twilight asked me as we entered a different segment of track, with notably different bark on the trees but not much else to differentiate it. Still, at this pace I could enjoy the scenery as much as any pony.

"It really is, though I'm not so sure about the loiterers. Hey, Rainbow, shouldn't you be up ahead?" I asked as we approached the mare. I frowned when I noticed she was leaning back against a sign post. That's not suspicious at all...

"I'm sure I'll win now," Rainbow said with a disturbing chuckle.

"Except that the other racers just passed you," Twilight countered.

"Oh horse apples... See ya!" Dash exclaimed, bracing to dash off. In her wake I could see the sign pointing the wrong way.

"Rainbow Dash! Attention!" I barked out, calling on my best drill sergeant voice.

"Eep!" The mare nearly fell over before getting to her hooves and saluting nervously. "Little busy with the race, boss."

"Not anymore you aren't," I said, pointing to the sign. "One of our team members has been sent off into unknown, potentially dangerous territory due to bad intelligence," I said. "An immediate rescue mission takes precedence over the competition. You will accompany me on this, immediately." I undid the rope from around her wings, and took off both her competition number and my own. "Let's go!"

"What?! You! You can't do that!" Rainbow Dash cried out. "I was just about to win!"

"What were you about to win?" I asked her with obvious condescension.

"The race, of course... and bragging rights?" she asked uncertainly, sensing something was wrong with her answer but not quite getting it yet.

"And what were you about to lose?" I asked pointedly.

"I wasn't about to lose anything! I never lose," she started before looking up the path Applejack had gone up.

"How many friends do you have?" I asked her. That got her thinking.

"Right... so. Immediate rescue mission," she finally conceded.

"Do you need my help?" Twilight asked.

"No, but thanks for asking. If you don't hear from us by sundown, organize a search party though. It shouldn't come to that, but let's have a plan for it. Now get going, you're still in the race," I said.

"Right, and it's getting toward the end. I've been pacing myself like the books said, now it's time to sprint for the finish while the others are tired," Twilight explained before getting her hooves in motion, moving much faster than she had up until that point.

"Wow, egghead actually has some hooves," Rainbow admitted. "But let's worry about another set of hooves first. Let's go find Applejack and apologize. Even if she did trip me..."

"You know, she thinks you tripped her," I told her. "Now let's go. Full speed, search and rescue. I'll trace her path on the ground, you take the high road and scout ahead." The world dimmed from my eyes as mako flowed freely, but not so much I couldn't easily make out the brilliant rainbow contrail.

"Couldn't help but cheat, could you?" Applejack accused as I came into hearing range. She had come to a stop near a cliff edge, well beyond the end of the treeline. "Where's mah rope? Maybe a proper hog-tie'll keep you honest."

"Cloud has it," Dash said. "She untied me when she took me out of the race to come find you! You went off the wrong way at the fork... which is... my fault. I'm sorry."

"If Cloud's involved, then where is she," AJ asked suspiciously before turning at the sound of my rapidly approaching feet. "Well, alright then..."

I shivered a bit as I came to a stop, glancing around as I felt like something was watching us. But there was nothing to be seen but a chill breeze rustling the fallen leaves. With nothing to act on I held my tongue, turning my attention back to my friends.

"Look, Applejack... I'm sorry. I got carried away with this whole competition, and I spun that sign around to keep you from winning. I thought you tripped me, and..." Dash began before shaking off the excuse. "I should have just played fair. But I don't want to win this lousy race if it means losing a good friend."

Applejack looked about to say something angry before her face softened. "Aw, shucks, I can't stay angry after an apology like that. Dash, I'm sorry too. I got every bit as carried away, and I was this close to doing something we would have both regretted. Friends?" She offered a hoof to the pegasus.

"Friends forever," Rainbow said, clopping her own hoof against it.

"Hey! What are you three doing way out here?!" Pinkie Pie asked as she floated by on her balloon.

"Yeah, there aren't even any trees," Spike pointed out.

"Cloud and I dropped out of the race, to come find Applejack," Rainbow said with a hint of pride before admitting more sheepishly "because I flipped the sign to send her off course.

"Can we have a ride back to town?" I asked.

We descended upon the finish line, disembarking to find that the race was over. Twilight approached with a medal hanging from her neck.

"You won?!" Applejack and Rainbow Dash asked her in utter disbelief.

"Oh no, but I did get fifth place, which is rather good considering I've never run a race before," Twilight admitted.

"Wow, your technique really paid off then, didn't it?" Rainbow asked. "Maybe you can find something useful in those books of yours," she said.

"I'm surprised the three of you, of all ponies, dropped out of the race," Princess Celestia remarked as she approached us.

"We had to deal with another discipline issue," I said. "But it's been taken care of, and we'll be better for having learned the lesson, won't we?"

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" Rainbow said, saluting me. Applejack awkwardly followed suit, at least with the gesture.

"I'm glad to hear it," the Princess assured. "And you're looking a lot more... detailed, today, Cloud."

"I've been successfully cured of poison joke poisoning. You didn't think I normally looked like that, did you? Anyways, what are you doing in town, Princess?" I said.

"Honestly, I wasn't certain, though I'm glad for your good health," Celestia said. "Fall is one of my favorite seasons, so I came to celebrate the Running of the Leaves. Sad to learn that a 'discipline' issue has disrupted it. Look, many of the lovely trees of Equestria are still covered with leaves."

"Why, Princess, I bet we can knock those leaves down for you lickety-split," Applejack offered. "Whaddya say, friend? Wanna go for another run?"

"I'd love to stretch my legs," Rainbow confirmed. "Cloud, will you join us? We could use another awesome runner. Especially if Applejack gets a little ahead of us," she said with a wink.

Okay, that was damn cheesy, but she was trying and that was a big improvement already. But just as I was getting into the idea of giving Rainbow a shot at another chance a fourth voice cut in.

"Great! I'll come join you," Princess Celestia invited herself.

Princess Celestia was undeniably powerful. With every hoof-fall, magic radiated out from her, making ripples pulse through the mako within me. Trees shed their leaves in a huge radius around her, rendering the rest of our presence moot. At least for the stated objectives.

"So I hear you two are dating!" she said to Rainbow Dash with all the giddiness of a schoolgirl. "What is that even like? She's so exotic."

"Yeah, well, that's why she could only possibly fall for somepony awesome like me," Rainbow responded. "I'll admit it hasn't gone as smoothly as I would have liked. Last time we went out, she had her 'monthly visitor' show up and ruin the whole thing with something awful called menstruation."

"Oh? I've heard of that. Like the red baboons get? Awful people, worst table manners in the world, but they can really spice up a diplomatic summit with their antics," Celestia responded. "Bad timing for a date, to be sure. But don't give up."

"Oh, I'm not," Rainbow Dash said, talking rather freely with the ruler and benefactor that had all the power in the world over us. "Though I do have a bit of a problem. She's not a pegasus, so she can't come over to my cloud-house, but she's living at the Sweet Apple Acres right now, so there's no real privacy at her place."

"Oh, that ain't no problem, sugarcube," Applejack helpfully volunteered. "Just take her out to the barn, and make sure to hang yer hat on the outside, so nopony will disturb you." Of course it was that simple.

"Dang, I don't have a hat. I'll have to get Rarity to help me pick one out," my self-described marefriend decided.

"Well, if you don't care for the hay, I imagine with your new salaries you can afford to take out a room at the local inn on date nights," Celestia offered. I was trying to decide whether it would be worse for them to continue talking about my sex life like I wasn't here, or direct such questions toward me. Celestia decided to help me decide with a new data point: "What do you think, Cloud? Barn or inn?"

"I think I'm going to build myself a house, with real privacy," I said with a deep crimson blush.

"Splendid!" the princess said with a happy stomp that sent shockwaves of leaf-falls into the distance. "Oh, but do make sure to review the latest building codes before you start. I've heard some complaints about your last construction efforts. Not that we don't appreciate the work you've done around Ponyville. The repair contest with that wayward showpony? Brilliant! I just don't want your house falling on you during a particularly loud tumble in the hay."

"There isn't going to be any hay in my house," I said.

"I'm sure Applejack would lend you some. It's one of the best parts about barns," Princess Celestia said.

"Have you ever even been in a barn?" I questioned.

"I have, though not in quite some time. Still, the more things change, the more barns stay the same," she joked.

"That's true," Applejack agreed. "The Apple family has had pretty much identical barns for hundreds of years."

"Thousands," Celestia confirmed. "I remember." The reminder that their ruler was orders of magnitude older than anyone else I had ever met jarred with how immature she was acting. After a certain age did you just loop back around? If Granny Smith was any indication, it seemed plausible.

I wasn't comfortable with all this barn speak, but I realized I wasn't comfortable saying why. In Gaia, the main thing that made barns unpalatable was the animals that stayed there, such as chocobos or horses. Or ponies. Who didn't talk, and weren't all that well regarded for their intelligence. The idea of a tussle with a pony in a barn just reeked of bestiality in a way that eating out my friend in a hospital bed during a round of truth or dare didn't. So: no hay. Also, hay was forever associated in my mind with the worst cramps of my life, even if the hay was ultimately innocent. The hay was guilty, I was certain, of giving me the most massive shit of my life later that night, however. So once again: no hay.

"So where are you going to build this house of yours?" Rainbow finally asked me.

"Yeah, it's not like Ponyville has a lot of open space in town, and most of the free space short of the farm acreage is reserved for parks and such," Applejack said.

"Isn't it obvious?" Princess Celestia asked. "She's going to homestead. Pushing back the Everfree."

I nodded. It was the only real option, and one I was uniquely qualified for. It had worked well enough for Fluttershy, but Fluttershy was Fluttershy. Her special talent gave her rare advantages in such a situation. "I'll probably pick an area close to Fluttershy, but not too close."

"What? Are you crazy, Cloud? Don't you remember what it's like out there? The weather! The weather forms on its own!" Rainbow Dash warned, sounding worried.

"It'll be just like home then," I pointed out. Rainbow reacted like I'd punched her in the gut. Damn. I knew she was a weathermare, but still I didn't think my comment would bother her like that.

"In any case, if anypony can manage it, you can, Cloud. I have faith in you," Applejack said. "And if you need a little help with your barn-raising, you know you can count on the Apples. It's been fun having you stay with us, but I understand it's time to start standing on your own four hooves. Or two feet in your case."

"Don't forget to invite my sister and I to your housewarming party," Celestia invited herself to yet another thing. "Pinkie will be very cross if you don't have one," she said, warning me off from my own reasonable out.

"I'm sure you two will be the life of the party," I said, wondering if I was going to even invite anypony else. Perhaps I should design the house to not have room for any more than that.

"Did somepony say party?!" Pinkie Pie asked, ambushing us with her cannon and nearly killing me with a spray of confetti.