It turned out there wasn't anyplace I could just buy or rent in Ponyville. Twilight had been fortunate that the previous librarian had left town, leaving the living space within the library open. Some other ponies were doubled up throughout town, and I certainly could have sought out a roommate to get out of the Apples' home, but that seemed like a lateral move. I'd rather simply pay the Apples a bit of rent, to compensate them for staying there so long.

I tried that, actually, but they refused, pointing out the guest room was often used for guest workers, and that I had fulfilled that role since I had been there. Aside from Applejack's little fit of pride a while back, that was true, so I let it go. But that still didn't solve my problem of needing a place to live where I could relieve myself freely, or better yet have a date come in and join me. Things hadn't gone smoothly with Rainbow Dash and I, but that didn't mean I was resigned to being celibate. I was, however, uncomfortable trying anything surrounded by my host family.

Even getting land to build on seemed to be pretty much a dead end. Apparently, I could claim a chunk of the Everfree if I were so inclined, but it would be up to me to fight back the incursions of nature in order to actually build there. Between my SOLDIER background, and knowing two ponies who lived in or near the Everfree, I wasn't too worried. Maybe I could clear something near Fluttershy's cottage, and hire some help to build something there.

Heck, any random monster attacks would probably be more of a feature than a problem.

On my way out from town hall, armed with the knowledge and forms I would need to make my claim official once I had cleared it and begun construction, I ran into Pinkie Pie, wandering around in search of something. She had a large brass horn of some kind held in her mouth for some reason; part of a prank, perhaps? Seeing me, she brightened up and hurried over, speaking clearly despite the metal tube in her mouth. "Cloud! I'm so glad I found you! I need help! I need to find some more musical instruments, stat!"

"What's the prank?" I asked, assuming she was inviting me to help, just as Rainbow Dash had helped her prank me in the past. If RD was the victim, it'd settle that debt at least. Well, one part. Perhaps Dash and I could then settle it completely with a suitable prank on Pinkie.

"No prank!" Pinkie insisted. "Ponyville is being invaded! By parasprites," she said, abject disgust filling the last word.

"And... they're vulnerable to musical instruments?" I asked. It sounded dubious, but there were monsters in my world with strange weaknesses. Heck, undead could be killed with healing magic. Was a weakness to music that much stranger?

"No, no. They love it," she explained as I followed her, physically if not mentally. "We need to lure them back out to the Everfree before they eat everything in Ponyville!" Ah! Now it made sense.

"Got it. I think the Apples have a few instruments. I'll start there. And I think Octavia and Vinyl Scratch probably have something that can help," I suggested. "Split up and meet back at Sugarcube Corner?"

She met my fist with a hoof as we nodded in agreement, before splitting up. This seemed easy enough so far. I took off running, still not fully understanding the threat we were facing. But I had been given a plan by someone who did understand it, and if there's one thing the military taught you to do it was execute on a plan that was never fully explained. The mako coursing through my muscles gave a bit of light euphoria as I ran, clearing the distance to Sweet Apple Acres rather quickly.

Applejack was in the orchards, fortunately close to the road when I passed, and I slowed to a stop as I came to check on her. She was bucking the last straggling apples free of her trees before winter was scheduled to arrive, and looked pained doing it. "Cloud!" she said, looking relieved at the excuse for a break. "What's got you all in a tizzy?"

"I need to help Pinkie Pie with a parasprite problem. Got any musical instruments we can borrow?" I said, jogging in place near her to keep the muscles warmed up.

"What's a parasprite?" she asked, only to receive a shrug. "I've got a harmonica and I think Big Mac has a banjo somewhere. Just bring them back in one piece," she requested. "Good luck with those para-whatsits."

Thanking her, I took my leave, soon to arrive at the place I had called home since arriving in this realm. It was strange to think that I might be leaving it behind sometime soon. Though perhaps not all that soon. I let myself into Applejack's room, mindful of the trust that implied, and began looking around. I had hoped the harmonica would be obvious, out on a table somewhere, but sadly it wasn't. That meant looking through drawers. I was briefly afraid of stumbling upon the mare's panty drawer before laughing to myself about all the ways that fear was currently absurd.

Finally, I found it in a drawer in her night stand, filled with a wide variety of miscellany. I stopped by the bathroom to wash it off a bit, as a matter of basic hygiene before the thought occurred to me of not washing it. Reminded of my lust fueled dream, I briefly imagined sharing the harmonica like a sort of indirect kiss. Then I realized that was stupid; if I wanted a kiss from Applejack I should request a real one. If she wasn't inclined to say 'yes', what good was a bullshit 'indirect kiss'? Besides, it might well be Pinkie that actually ended up playing the instrument.

That still left me to find the banjo. Big Mac hadn't actually invited me into his room, nor given permission to use the instrument. But if this was as big of an emergency as Pinkie's tone had suggested, I could afford to ask forgiveness after the fact. I opened the door to the stallion's room and then froze.

He froze as well, mid-stroke, and within seconds I was certain my skin had matched his fur color. "Hi, Big Mac, can I borrow your banjo?" I asked, voice cracking a bit as I tried to stay on task and ignore the elephant in the room.

"Eeyup," he answered simply, remaining frozen until I had claimed my prize and closed the door behind me. Welp. On the plus side, I no longer had any lust for the stallion. Mako infused super soldier or not, I was quite certain that 'weapon' would rip me in half on the first thrust.

On the down side, I tripped more than once on my way back to town, too distracted by the image now burned irrevocably in my mind, and running the mental calculations on what the proportions should look like on some of the smaller stallions in town.

I still managed to find my way to Vinyl and Octavia's home without incident, and knocked on the door. The pulsing sounds within halted after the third knock, and a few moments later the white unicorn opened the door, looking up at me from behind her shades.

"Hi, Vinyl. We've got a parasprite problem. Got any instruments you can lend us to lure them out?" I asked.

"Got someone who knows the jam?" she questioned.

"Pinkie Pie," I replied, only for her to close the door in my face. I blinked in surprise, trying to decide whether to knock again, give up, or try some other tack, before she opened the door again, dragging a pile of equipment with her on a little wheeled cart.

"Let's rock," she said.

Sugarcube Corner was a devastated by the time we arrived. Finally seeing the monsters face to face, I had to admit they were actually kind of cute looking, aside from when the little fluffballs gave birth by puking out a new one. The Cakes were trying desperately to shoo them off from the baked goods, but it was a losing battle. Most of their inventory was gone already, and the kitchen was overrun. They would need to replace not only the day's baked goods but even the ingredients for the days ahead.

Looking around at the other buildings I was terrified to see that some of the other parts of the swarm had moved on from eating conventional edibles and started eating the buildings themselves, and everything else.

"Ready?" Pinkie asked, decked out in an eclectic mix of instruments.

"Ready," Vinyl said as she turned on her amplifier, pointing the microphone toward the party mare.

"Let's rock," I said, repeating Vinyl's line as I drew my sword, ready to protect our vital equipment.

Pinkie started in on a song that was at once alien, and at the same time eerily familiar. It was like those commercials for the Golden Saucer, only remixed onto a bizarre set of instruments.

"This seems oddly familiar," I commented.

"Well, you being here changes music a lot," Pinkie replied cryptically. I tried to get her to clarify, but she was too busy playing the harmonica. And soon I was too busy fighting off overeager fluffballs. Most I was able to bat away with the flat of my blade, but a few I had to quickly light on fire with my materia to keep them from eating the speakers. It was a tough battle, but above all it was a weird battle.

We backed our way through town, our pace increasing as the mob following us grew in size, happily hopping along after us with terrifying manic grins on their faces.

As we approached the Everfree, we passed by Fluttershy's cottage, only for a fresh swarm to bust down her door, flowing out and surrounding us. I was running out of magical energy, without an ether to my name, and my sword could only do so much against a swarm like this. What I wouldn't give for an All materia about then! The situation was looking grim, but we were so close.

Vinyl's equipment shorted out as one of the parasprites found a new way to light itself on fire. Specifically by chewing on the cords that made her rig work. The unicorn switched to using telekinesis to swat the fuzzballs away from Pinkie as the mare continued her song, bringing as many of the creatures as she could down the path out into the woods.

With Vinyl covering Pinkie, I switched to taking out stragglers, assaulting the few that had lost interest in Pinkie's music. One in particular seemed to be hovering about Fluttershy's door frame, seeming like it might rush back in at any moment.

Tapping into my mako, I sprinted for it, cutting through a field of blue flowers in my haste. Reaching out a hand, I grabbed it before it could escape. It screamed at me from within my hand, and I screamed back, alarmed by the pulse of power that started to arc between us, unbidden.

The world seemed to rip away from us, feeling all to similar to when I first put on the bra. But this time I remained conscious, aware as I slipped into the world between worlds, the indescribable, chaotic nothingness. But I couldn't pay attention to my surroundings; they refused. Instead I focused on the creature in my hand as it seemed to compress, to become smoother. Threads of connection arced out from it into an ever expanding web, tying it to the swarm somehow. I didn't really understand. Not consciously. But I did in some, deep, sense. The same sense that granted magic when I held materia. Like the red orb now resting on my palm.

The world reasserted itself around me, quietly. So quietly I managed to hear Fluttershy as she whispered. "Um, what is that, miss Cloud?"

"A summon materia," I explained, though I had no idea how I had manage to acquire, or perhaps make, one. I did easily recognize the red orb for what it was though, as I took a moment to slot it into the hilt of my sword.

"Oh," she said. "And what happened to the parasprite?" she asked.

After a minute of not coming up with an answer, Vinyl and Pinkie approached and reiterated her question. "What happened to all the parasprites?"

I didn't have a real answer. "We accomplished our mission," I declared. "Ponyville is no longer in danger."

Fluttershy surprised me by cringing, hiding herself behind her mane and apologizing softly.

Over tea, we learned of Fluttershy's involvement in the crisis, how she had encountered a single, lone parasprite during her morning chores the day before and adopted it, unaware of the threat the creatures posed. They apparently reproduced with terrifying speed if given access to food, leaving more and more hungry mouths desperate for nourishment. Nopony present knew how or why they had acquired a taste for architecture, but that was just one more reason to worry about them. We still had the mystery of just how they had vanished, as well. Had they all been dragged into the Summon Materia somehow? It would certainly make for a more dangerous weapon than merely summoning one of the little fluffballs if they had. But I also had to worry about my apparent ability to stuff creatures into little red balls. What if I accidentally did it to a pony?

Did I have to be afraid to lay my hands on anypony? Wouldn't that make any kind of sexual or even romantic relationship a lot more difficult? I already had enough to worry about in that department!

A knocking on the door interrupted us. Fluttershy went to check, only to call me to the door.

"Oh, so you are here, Cloud," said the pegasus mail mare. Bubble-butt, I had named her internally, knowing her only by cutie mark. "Princess Celestia is at the Golden Oak Library and would like you to come and meet with her as soon as possible. Shall I tell her you're on your way?"

"Yes," I said, gathering my things a final sip of tea. "Should I bring the other Element Bearers?"

"She didn't say," Bubble-butt replied with a shrug. "See you around!" she excused herself, giving me a last wall-eyed smile before taking flight.

"I'm in trouble, aren't I," Fluttershy said from under her table.

"Come on," I said. "I'll protect you if I have to. But I don't think the Princess is here to arrest you. Especially since she only summoned me specifically."

Despite accompanying me as far as town, my companions soon fled when they saw the state of Ponyville. Pinkie Pie was especially concerned about the Cakes, and Fluttershy claimed she couldn't stand to stand by while somepony needed help like this. I suspected she was still worried about the Princess punishing her, but she did have a point. I, on the other hand, had a royal summons.

When I reached the library, alone, I approached the doors, only to be stopped briefly by a pair of pegasus guards in shining, golden armor. Glancing at their spears, I doubted they could take me in a fight, but I wasn't here to make trouble. I didn't much like their attitude, though, as they sniggered while confirming my name. If this was the level of discipline among the royal guard? It didn't bode well for the kingdom.

Celestia was sitting behind a table, enjoying some tea and cakes. "Ah, Cloud. So good to finally see you in person again. I admit, you are a lot different than I remembered, but then there was a lot going on the night we first met. Come, have a seat."

Twilight trotted out of the kitchen only to gasp ominously at me, ducking back into the kitchen.

"What was that about?" I questioned as I took a seat. With no answer forthcoming, I turned my attention to the ruler of Equestria. "It's good to see you again, as well. I trust your sister is behaving herself?"

"That seems a rude way to put it regarding a grown mare, but yes. I can't tell you what a joy it is to have my sister back after her long banishment. I must thank you for your part in that, though it was surprising to me. I had expected Twilight and her friends to handle the matter, truthfully," she said.

"Twilight doesn't have any friends. Or at least she didn't... I suppose her sleepover with us in the hospital counts for something," I said. "She does need to spend a bit more time away from the books, despite the great value of what she does here."

"Of that, you and I can agree," the princess conceded. "I hope we can come to some other agreements as well."

"We have much to discuss. Where did you want to start," I invited.

Her magic poured me a cup of tea and set a small slice of cake on a dainty little cup before me. I sipped carefully, nervously. High stakes didn't bother me, dealing with a ruler was out of the norm for me but nothing an ex-SOLDIER leading an elite mercenary group armed with powerful artifacts ought to be daunted by. But the teaparty aspect just shoved me so far out of my element, it left me unbalanced. Wasn't I supposed to extend one of my fingers while I grip the handle? Which one?! Ponies don't have fingers, so maybe she wouldn't notice. Or maybe it would make it even weirder. I pushed thoughts about extended fingers out of my mind and focused on the princess and our negotiations.

"The issue with the dead dragon is rather a complicated one, geopolitically, you know. As a foreign national, simply putting him to death without trial is a rather bad precedent. However, he was endangering others rather recklessly, and dragons do tend to take these sort of things better than most races. It doesn't hurt that their absolute dictator is susceptible to bribes. That's where most of the deceased's seized assets ended up, you know," Celestia explained.

"I apologize, on behalf of my team. He did attack first, but due to a... discipline issue within our ranks, we bear some responsibility for provoking him," I chose my words carefully. "We will be more careful to avoid putting the crown in such a situation in the future." Inwardly, though, I was quite troubled. The dragon had been a person, not merely a monster? That put the situation in a very different light. Of course... I knew Spike, even if not well. Did I really have any excuse for not recognizing the one as every bit the person the other was?

"Thank you, Cloud," she said with a small, brief smile. "Then we should, perhaps move to other topics. Your pay, for example. Your fee for that mission was rather steep, could we negotiate a more agreeable going rate?"

"That depends," I said, feeling a bit more comfortable with this topic. "If you only want to pay when there's a crisis, we need enough pay to cover our bills between crises, including purchase and maintenance of our equipment, and paying for the time we spend training and preparing, not just the time we actually spend handling the crisis. And since we don't know how often things will crop up, we need to charge enough during the busy times to cover the slow times."

The large mare sipped her tea while I spoke, nodding slightly. "You said 'if'. You have an alternative to propose?"

"We could, instead, negotiate a salary. I imagine that is how your regular guards work?" I was reminded of the undisciplined response from the guards outside. Was a human really that funny looking to them? "Or we could combine the two, with a portion of our pay covering training time and maintenance while a portion is earned each time we step in to deal with a problem."

"I will, of course, need to discuss any such arrangements with my ministers, you understand," she said, "but I prefer the pure salary approach."

I nodded even as I groaned quietly. She had steered things that way too quickly. While it would be nice to have a dependable income, that told me she anticipated a lot of crises to come.

"We'll do half and half," I said. "3500 bits per crisis, to be split between those active in the mission, and 3500 bits per month, 500 for each of us to cover ongoing concerns."

"And who decides what's a crisis?" she countered. "You and your friends seem to step in unbidden rather frequently. For that matter, what if one of you creates the crisis in the first place?"

I tried not to flinch... I'm not sure if I succeeded. Did she already know about Fluttershy's involvement in the parasprite incident? "7000 if you send a missive directing us to intervene. 3500 per crisis we intercept on our own initiative, subject to your review. And 3500 a month."

"Half that, on all counts," the princess countered. "And any issue you seek to be paid for will require a full report, including accounts from each member of your team involved. You will have to allow two weeks after delivery for the pay to be approved, and a third for it to be funded to your bank account. Remember also, when you are acting under my orders you have some protection from the law, but when you act on your own accord you will be fully responsible for your choices. Choose wisely."

"If you want cut-rate mercenaries, I'm sure you can find somepony else," I suggested. "But I thought you were interested in hiring Ponyville's elites."

"I was hoping for somepony with a bit more interest in the common good," she countered, using a sip of tea as a pause. "Of course if all you care about is money?"

'Honestly. Freedom sure is pricey,' I heard. Or rather remembered. It was all out of context, needlessly distracting. Who had even said that? "Freedom can be pricey," I told Celestia. "You can't expect to keep your ponies safe if you aren't even willing to put up the bits. Besides, our last mission was quite a boon for the treasury, was it not?"

She perked her ears a bit, I guess maybe she noticed my distraction? That wasn't good. "I suppose it was. Still, those 'busy' times could get quite expensive. Half the fees you mentioned, but double the salary. That should cover your bills and training time well enough, should it not?"

"Agreed," I said at last, reaching out a hand to shake her hoof. When her hoof bumped mine rather than entering my grasp, I looked down in curiosity that quickly turned to shock. It was no wonder I hadn't grasped her hoof: I had no fingers! My entire hand had become some strange cube-like abstraction. Looking up my arm, I saw the blockish shape continue up my bicep before tapering back down to a freakishly thin elbow. My upper arm was much the same, a handful of polygons making up the limb.

"I... forgive me, I need to use the restroom," I excused hastily, somehow managing to get to my feet despite my bizarre blockish legs seeming to pass impossibly through one another. I fled to the restroom, as promised, closing the door behind me before moving to stand before the door.

"I'll have the contracts written up and sent to Twilight," Princess Celestia called through the door, a tinge of humor seeping into her voice. I was a bit relieve to hear her footsteps clopping away.

I stared at the mirror, not recognizing what I saw before me. The eyes were simple ovals of pure blue, and I felt lucky to have a mouth, even if it looked painted on, and seemed incapable of actually opening. I had no nose, and my face as a whole looked like a sphere, while everything else about me seemed to be made of mashed together blocks. My hair gave me some comfort simply for being slightly harder to describe geometrically, but it to had been fused into a mishmash of yellow triangles.

A light knocking reached me from the bathroom door. "Are you okay, Cloud?" Twilight questioned.

"No, I'm not okay. What's happening to me?!" I asked, freaking out. Being whisked from my world and turned into a woman had been far less traumatic. At least I understood what a woman was.

Twilight came in and looked me over. "You appear to have been rendered in an abstractionist fashion, artistically speaking," she offered unhelpfully.

"How do I fix it?" I asked more practically.

"I don't know!" she said, before remembering she was in a library. She left me alone and started scouring her books, looking for anything in any way relevant.

I sunk to the floor, amazed I could even do that much, and tried to cry. But failed.