Starlight groaned in despair. She had never expected to end up here, namely reading The Art of Romance Vol. II. It was preposterous, unbecoming, absurd, and filled her with so much uncertainty she wished she had never taken the stupid tome. And the worst part of it was that according to the library card Twilight had already read it... TWICE.

So, you think that'll be enough, do you? Starlight paged through “Basics of Seduction” and ”The Ten First Steps”, going directly to ”Snatch Your Special Somepony Before Anypony Else Does”. As uncomfortable as it felt, this was her best chance of her reclaiming Starburst, short of brainwashing him.

Stallions are quite impressionable, and as such it always pays for you to be the first to approach them and the last to leave. That way you can be sure to crush any meddlesome rivals competing for their affection. Remember, every individual stallion represents his own set of likes and preferences. That said, there are a number of general rules that govern the entire male population.

For example, research has shown that over 75% of stallions (over 90% among pegasi) have a deep appreciation of wings. Thus, if you have wings be sure to keep them well preened and in ideal form. Remember, a wing flutter could be almost as efficient as a tail flick.

"By all the stars!" Starlight shouted as she slammed the tome closed. This was so unfair! "Of course wings would have to be a big deal! And since Twilight is an alicorn princess, she—"

"Hello, Starlight!" A flash of purple burst behind her.

"Aaaah!" Starlights screamed as she fell off her chair. The shock was such that she didn't even have the time to cast a spell or stretch a leg to stop her fall. The only thing on her mind, as she crashed onto the floor, was I'm doomed!

"Starlight?" Twilight approached, concerned.

Instantly, Starlight jumped back to her hooves. What do I say? What do I say?! She flashed a guilty smile at her mentor as drops of sweat rolled down her face. Her heart was beating traitorously fast, making her seem all that much more suspicious. Keep up the act. She has no idea what happened. Maybe she won't notice?

"Starlight, is anything the matter?" Twilight tilted her head.

"The matter? With me?" Starlight levitated The Art of Romance Vol. II behind her back. If the Princess found out about that she'd die of shame. "Why should anything be the matter? Nothing could possibly be the matter."

"Oh, really?" Twilight narrowed her eyes. "So you're saying that everything went perfectly fine in my absence?"

"Uh-huh! Absolutely!" The sweating intensified. "Perfectly."

"And you were able to help all the ponies that called you?" The Princess took a step forward.

"All the help for all the ponies!" Starlight nodded eagerly, while trying to get rid of the evidence behind her back. If I teleport it away, she'll sense it. Then she'll ask what I did, and I'll have to lie, and she'll probably use some kind of spell to see what I did and then—

"Starlight, I know exactly what's going on," Twilight sighed. Her protégé froze. This wasn't just any sigh, it was the sigh of disappointment. "I knew I made a mistake. Only proves what a bad teacher I am..." Moving closer, she put a wing on Starlight's shoulder. "You didn't write down any of your calls, did you?"

Starlight blinked. Twice. What the what?

"It was my mistake to burden you with such an important task." The Princess nodded sagely. "I should have been more considerate, especially since I didn't even bother to write an adequate checklist for the process. You were probably lost in all my drafts."

"Err, yes, they were a bit confusing..." Drafts? As in more than one? Really, Twilight, you're the most pedantic organizer in Equestria and beyond! Whoever makes multiple checklists for other checklists?! ... Damn it! Sunburst will fall for you so hard if he finds out.

"Well, nothing to worry about." Twilight stepped away. "I suspected this might happen, so I posted notices that the Friendship and Magic Hotline Assistance Room will start with a one week trial period! During that time we'll find, isolate, and address any potential issues it might have!" She started hopping in place, annoyingly pleased with herself. "Everypony has been warned to expect small glitches until we get the process fully ironed out."

"Oh..." Even in these circumstances, Starlight couldn't keep herself from frowning despite her fake smile. "Great."

"Isn't it? I knew you'd understand!" Without any warning Twilight hugged her. Well, this is slightly awkward. I know you're enthusiastic about your work, but seriously? Of course, Starlight kept her smiling facade. There was no way she would risk Twilight looking behind her back. "Oh, I almost forgot!" Just as abruptly, Twilight let her go. Taking a step back, she then cleared her throat, closed her eyes, and extended her foreleg forward, as if pointing to something in the air. A second later a flash of purple light filled the room, bringing into existence a rather elaborate evening dress. "Ta-daa!” She announced. “Rarity wanted me to give you this. Do you like it?"

"I... Umm... Huh?" Words escaped Starlight. Everything was happening too fast. When dealing with Twilight one didn't simply go through a roller coaster of emotions. Rather, it was like the roller coaster was riding a roller coaster that was on a Ferris wheel in an underground maze during Nightmare Night. Starlight didn't know whether to be frightened, annoyed, jealous, or simply happy. The dress was something, though. Rarity had outdone herself, finding the perfect attire to match Starlight's coat and mane.

My first dress, Starlight thought as she gazed at the intricate design. Thank you, Rarity. It's magnificent... and I'll use it to claim my Sunburst! Ha! In your face, Twilight!

"Well, I'll leave you to try it for a few minutes." Twilight smiled. "Rarity insisted," she added under her breath. "Just take care of the hotline for a little while longer. I need to check something in the library and I'll be here to take over for the night."

"Oh, right. Sure." The guilt of hiding a tome on flirting kicked in. Now was the perfect moment to get rid of it. Well, the moment Twilight leaves, that is. "Take your time. I'll be here." Then again, I might quickly glance at a few chapters before I return it to the library.

Barely had she said that when Twilight teleported out of the room. That was unexpected. Usually nothing could keep the Princess away from her inventions. It was almost as if if she had somewhere to be, and that somewhere was more important than her latest crowning achievement. Oh, well, no point peeling a gift apple. Starlight placed her new dress gently on the chair, along with the bag of horseshoes that came with it. She had a mind to start reading, but the temptation proved too strong.

I'm only putting this on to be sure I know which section to read, she rationalized things to herself. Can't be too careful... Starlight gently levitated the dress on. It fit perfectly, as expected. Tight, yet comfortable; colorful, yet not too much. Did Sunburst like purple, though? she mused. Oh, silly me. Colours don't matter. I can make him like purple! Or any any shade I wish. Although, that might backfire. Twilight was also purple.

Starlight let out a humph, then levitated the book in front of her face. The table of contents was absolutely huge. Whoever had done the research definitely had been thorough. All of the chapter names seemed so useful, it was simply impossible to choose! “Mane power” looked promising.

"Whoa! The Art of Romance Vol. II!" a voice said, making Starlight turn a deep shade of red. "You should tell Twilight you found it. She's tearing the library apart searching for it."

"Heh heh heh. Oh, really?" Damn it, Spike! Today is just not my day!

"Yeah. I think she is testing it out." The dragon whelp shrugged as he entered the room.

"That sounds..." Starlight paused, searching for the word.

"I know, right!" Spike didn't give her a chance to finish, instead he took the tome unceremoniously and casually brushed its cover with his elbow. "I mean that stallion is so not her type. Sure, he might have glasses and wear the one-of-a-kind Daring Do collectible cap, but he's the type who would be first to a banquet, if you know what I mean."

"Spike." Starlight rolled her eyes. "Just because somepony is big boned, is no reason to assume—" she abruptly stopped. Big boned? Fat? A fat pony that Twilight is interested in? ... Shifty?! He did mention that she had been flirting with him. That would be hilarious, if it were true.

"Alright, sheesh!" The dragon grumble, walking away. "Skin me alive, why don't you? Last time I comment on something." Other grumblings followed, but Starlight didn't catch any of them.

Twilight and a changeling?! That's bad! I mean it's good. This way she won't be going after Sunburst. But it's bad! How do I explain that to her? I can't just go "Sorry, Twilight, I know you like that pony a lot and think he's your special somepony, but he's actually a changeling." There had to be some other solution, short of brainwashing her.

The voice crystal started flashing. Without thinking, Starlight tapped it with her hoof.

"Welcome to Twilight's Friendship Hotline," she said, careful not to damage her dress. "This is Starlight Glimmer, how may I be of help?"

"Hi, it's Shifty again. Your plan backfired."

"What?" Starlight quickly magicked the door shut, then licked it for good measure. "What do you mean?"

"You suggested I get in touch with other changelings in order to lose weight," Shifty said drearily.

"And?" I don't like how this is starting. "They found out about Ponyville and decided to invade it because of the absurd amount of positive emotions here? They then gave you an ultimatum to join them or be imprisoned and left to starve in a cave to starve without—"

"Where in Equestria did you come up with that?" Shifty interrupted. "And I thought my second wife had a wild imagination. Have you thought of becoming a writer? The way you come up with these intricate plots, it's almost as if you've been part of one."

"Oh, I never thought about it," Starlight smiled sheepishly. Although, why not? I bet I could become a great writer if I wanted to. "Anyway, what was the problem? If you weren't kidnapped by changelings what's the matter?"

"I lost weight," the changeling whimpered.

"So?" Apparently there was no pleasing some bugs. "Wasn't that the point?"

"I mean, I really lost weight," he stressed.

"Again, I can't see the problem. It's not like that would make ponies run away from you in horror." Starlight was about to add something less than polite, when her muzzle froze still. Things were starting to become clear. It was like watching the scattered pieces of a puzzle move on place before her very eyes. Slim changeling, Twilight tearing the library for a tome on romantic advice... the answer was obvious. "Tail flicking?" she asked with understanding.

"Tail flicking," the changeling sighed affirmatively.

"Just give me a moment." Starlight started levitating her dress off and folded it safely on the desk. It was going to be a long talk.