"I'm an idiot!" Starlight flopped on the desk. "A complete idiot!" There were dozens of things she could have done, hundreds of excuses that she could have used to create the impression she had actually helped. As a final resort, she could even have magicked away their memories, although that might have been a bit extreme. Instead, she had been suckered into promise real advice.

What sort of help can I offer? Her hoof dragged along the wooden surface. Get better? If in trouble, conquer Equestria? Get a pet owl? She sighed deeply. The best she could hope for was that Twilight would return quickly. Then, everything would fall in place and—

*blink* *blink* *blink*

I hate karma. Starlight groaned, looked helplessly at the voice crystal for a few moments, then stood up and tapped it gently. "Welcome to Twilight's Friendship Hotline." I must sound calm and collected. "This is Starlight Glimmer, how may I be of help?"

"Err, hello?" a scared voice asked. Starlight felt her heart tighten. Please give up! Please give up! The responsibility is crushing me! "Do you think—"

"Before you say anything, Let me just tell you a story." Starlight cut her off. "A long time ago, in a village far away, there lived a young filly. Although there were other foals her age, the filly didn't play with them. She only had one true friend with whom she spent all her time." I can't believe I'm telling my life's story to a filly I barely know! I really, really hope it helps. "One day, as the filly was playing with her friend, something happened. Her friend got his cutie-mark. Now, many would say this was a happy occasion, but it wasn't! It was the cruelest, most terrible day of the filly's life! Because of that cutie-mark her friend got whisked away from her and sent to the School for Gifted Unicorns, leaving her absolutely alone for ten long years!"

Starlight could feel the rage seeping into her as she spoke. What happened to her was inexcusable! How dare they take Sunburst from her?! All because of those stupid cutie-marks! She was right to conquer Equestria and spread the notion of cutie-mark equality! Only that would ensure universal happiness!

"The Wonderbolts took your friend away from you!" Starlight said gripping the voice crystal tightly with her magic. "For that they must pay! Never again will they steal what is closest to us! Together will shall go back in time to the day the Wonderbolts were formed and change things! We shall track down every pegasus that had something to do with this abomination and freeze their wings so they never—"

"Umm, I think I know why I can't do magic," the voice interrupted. "I think it's because I got flour on my head."

Huh? What? "Toffee?" Starlight blinked, surprised. Stars! I didn't just rant everything to Toffee, of all ponies!

"Hello, Miss Starlight," the voice said. Starlight's face turned beet red with shame.

"Hello, Toffee," the unicorn coughed. "Did you happen to hear what I just said?" she asked gingerly. Stars, please say no!

"Umm, something about a filly going to the S.G.U., then traveling through time to become the first Wonderbolt?" There were a few moments of silence. "Sorry, the story didn't make much sense..."

"No worries, no worries." Starlight wiped the sweat off her face. This was too close for comfort. Thank Celestia that the airhead didn't pay much attention. "So, what did you say your problem was?"

"Umm, I have trouble levitating things?" Toffee reminded. "I think it's because I get flour in my mane, right after—"

"Dear, you are a pegasus," Starlight explained. She was still in a good mood after the recent scare, so she didn't shout. If the call continued for much longer, however, she very well might. "You don't have that type of magic. Just go catch a wind of some sort and use it to lift objects."

"Wow! I never thought of that!" The caller sounded full of enthusiasm. "Thanks, Miss Starlight!"

"My pleasure, Toffee." This has to be the worst advice ever! I don't want to be in her hooves when her parents find out she's trashed their home. Catch a wind indeed. "Have a nice day, now."

Not waiting for a response, Starlight tapped the voice crystal, then, once she was sure it was no longer active, exhaled deeply. That could have gone better. Still, no point crying over cast spells. The important thing was that the crisis was averted and—

*blink* *blink* *blink*

"Welcome to Twilight's Friendship Hotline." Starlight went into answer mode. "This is Starlight Glimmer, how may I be of help?"

"Starlight." Twilight's voice came from the other end. If the intonation was any indication, she didn't seem pleased. "I heard something quite interesting just now. Care to venture a guess what exactly?"

Hay! She must have heard my little maniacal speech. "Oh, I can't possibly imagine." Starlight started shuffling flash cards close to the voice crystal. "I've been reading all your instructions, so I—"

"Sweetie Belle just got here." Twilight was obviously having none of that. "Do you know what she told me? No?"

Silently, Starlight shook her head.

"Imagine my surprise when I learned you had teleported to the booth at Sugarcube Corner." Drat! I completely forgot about that! The unicorn bit her lip. "Teleporting, Starlight? Honestly? I thought we talked about this! Now, I know you want to help, but magic isn't always the answer. The reason we have Friendship and Magic Hotline Assistance Booths is so you don't have to be there in person. What if somepony had called while you were away?"

Exactly the same as if I were here taking a call. "Umm, sorry?"

"Hmpt!" Twilight's disapproval poured through the crystal. "I know you are looking forward to this, but we must try and be professional about it!"

"Absolutely." Argh! You had to use that word!

"Still, it's commendable that you are taking your duties so seriously!" A sudden wave of cheer filled the room along with the sound of hooves clapping together. "Not only did you reassure the fillies, but also had them give the voice crystal to Scootaloo! What a stroke of genius! I couldn't be prouder!"

"Why, thank you, Princess." Starlight beamed with joy. This was the first time Twilight had complimented her. I'm so writing this down! Twilight really is the best Friendship teacher ever!

"You earned it. And since you've shown such dedication I'm making you a full time hotline assistant! Now we'll be answering the hotline together! Isn't that exciting?!"

"Very." I take that back. Twilight is the worst! Starlight felt all her happiness be sucked away. She didn't want to be stuck with this as a job! It was supposed to be a two hour thing! Damn that Diamond Tiara! She and her annoying questions! First thing I'm doing when I'm not stuck here is to magic acne all over her face! Let's see how many friends she has left then! "So, will you be coming to the castle soon? I have to start on those friendship reports you wanted..."

"Just another hour or so," Twilight said casually, as a series of whispers became audible in the background. "Alright, I'll ask!" she hissed to somepony. More whispers. Starlight's ears turned towards the voice crystal. Sadly the sound was too faint for her to make anything out. "I'm trying to have an important conversation!" A heavy sigh, followed by more whispers. "No, that's not what I meant..."

What's that? An argument with Rarity? Or maybe something else? Curse it! I knew I shouldn't have skipped that voice amplification spell! How was I supposed to know it would be of any use?

"Yes, yes, I will." Twilight cleared her throat. "Starlight, what size horseshoes do you wear?"

"Err?" What kind of question is that? "Six and a half." She looked at her hoof. Oh please, don't take me roller skating! It don't want to go though that catastrophe again!

"Are you sure it isn't six?" Twilight pressured. "Really sure?"

"Err, yes, I am quite sure. Heh heh," Starlight let out a tense laugh. It's another ice skating bonding trip. I just know it! Twilight does them every three weeks. "Listen, Twilight, you really don't have to—"

"Anyway, must go now. See you in an hour, Starlight. And keep up the good work!" The voice crystal went dim.

"Wait, no!" Starlight shouted, but it was too late. Whatever scheme Twilight had planned was now fact. All she could do was hope that it was better than the last five. Ice skating really wasn't her thing. Rather, it would have been, if using magic had been allowed. Instead she had had to struggle keeping her balance while being the focus of attention. Pancakes did a better job staying in the air! The only thing amusing had been watching Angel Bunny skate circles round everypony.

Starlight giggled. That little bunny was the cutest pet ever. Fluttershy was so lucky to have him. On that note, maybe Starlight could ask for a pet as well. Of all the ponies in Twilight's group, she was the only one petless. What soft of pet should she go for? Something fluffy, but stern; sweet, but strong; menacing, but—

The treacherous crystal started blinking again.

"Welcome to Twilight's Friendship Hotline." Starlight grabbed it. I'm starting to find this scarily natural... "This is Starlight Glimmer, how may I be of help?"

"Hello," a quiet, slightly raspy voice said. "This is Scootaloo."

Uh-oh. Starlight felt her stomach tie in knots. She had completely forgotten about this. "Hi, Scootaloo. Before you begin, I want to tell you a story. You see, once there there was this filly—"

"I'm not upset because of Rainbow Dash," the filly interrupted. "It's been her dream to become a Wonderbolt and now that she is she'll be way cooler. She even promised to take me to the academy soon! No way I'll get upset about that."

That was unexpected. It seemed Scootaloo wasn't in any need of assistance after all. Or was she? There was something in her voice, an almost unidentifiable sigh that Starlight knew only too well. She summoned a mug of cocoa on the table and took a sip. Nothing like a bit of liquid courage.

"But?" She asked, taping the edges of the mug with her hooves.

"Well... Thing is..." Hesitation again. Why did everypony who called the Friendship Hotline hesitate so much? Well, all except that monster Diamond Tiara. "You won't tell anypony about this, right?"

"Not a soul!" Well, maybe Twilight. She is my teacher, so I guess I must tell her.

"Thing is, umm, there's this colt..." The sentence said it all. Oh, you're at that age, Starlight thought. She herself had skipped the entire romantic phase of her life, choosing to pursue questionable magic practices instead. Maybe if Sunburst hadn't been taken away things could have turned out different... Thinking about that, maybe she should go visit him sometime. The longer she delayed, the more likely it was that Twilight would snatch him from her; that is, if she didn't fall for the changeling first.

Focus! Starlight briskly shook her head. We're discussing Scootaloo here, not my potential love rival... life! My potential love life!

"So you're having a special friendship problem?" Starlight asked suggestively. Technically, this was Cadence's area of expertise, but her curiosity got the better of her. "And you don't want your friends to know."

"Well yeah." The answer was mixed with a deep-felt sigh. "I don't want to seem lame. Mushy stuff looks cool when you're Sweetie Belle or Apple Bloom, or even Diamond Tiara." Hearing that, Starlight cringed. Thanks! Now I have that image burned in my head. Diamond Tiara in love... You know what, I won't even go there! "When you're me... And I don't want him to think I'm... But each time he passes by... And I can't even fly..."

Well, that made no sense. "So, he's pretty special, I take it?"

"You have no idea!" The yell almost deafened Starlight. "His fur is the cutest shade of blue, and the way he keeps his mane is really cool. And don't get me started on his wings!"

"I'll take your word for it," Starlight said quickly, massaging her left ear. Geez, filly! Learn some self control! "And that's why you're avoiding all your friends?"

"Kinda..." Starlight could swear she heard Scootaloo swallow on the other end of the call. "I haven't exactly spoken to him. See, I think he's cool and all, but he's from Cloudsdale. Some of them don't even set hoof on the ground. And me... I can't even fly."

"Peace of cake." Starlight rubbed her hooves. "I know this great spell that will make him obey your every word. All you have to do is—"

"What? No!" Scootaloo shouted in panic. "I don't want that! I've seen what love magic could do. Also, I'm no chicken! If I can represent Ponyville in the Equestrian games, I can deal with one colt! Even if it's Chip."

"Are you sure?" Starlight asked, hopeful. She very much wanted to cast a mind control spell. And since this one was for a good cause there was no way Twilight could be upset. "It's just a small—"

"I'll face my fears!" The filly sounded determined. "I'll go to him and tell him exactly what I think! That and I'll be cool about it so he doesn't even think of saying no!"

"Well, I guess that could work." This was so disappointing. Starlight narrowed her eyes as she tried to sip the last few drops of cocoa from her cup. Pity Scootaloo wasn't a unicorn. Then she would understand that Starlight's way was far more reliable. Actually, maybe Starlight should use that on Sunburst next time they met. That way he would be safe from Twilight's princessy clutches!

"Thanks, Miss Starlight! You've really helped me out! I can't believe I was so stupid!" A loud thumping sound reverberated through the voice crystal.

"Err, you're welcome..." What exactly did I do? "Be sure to tell me how it went."

"You bet!" The crystal went silent.

That was it, another call done. Starlight took a few moments to evaluate the situation. She considered all points of view, analyzed every option, analyzed every piece of information Scootaloo has given her, and came to a definitive conclusion.

"No way I'm telling Twilight about this!"