This desk was probably one of, if the not the most, uncomfortable things I've ever been forced to sit in. It was a desk just like any other, but this pony body kept twisting and bending in ways that just felt too weird to be natural. My biggest issues to voice were the hind legs. Everything else I could live with; The horn can be used as a weapon, I'll hopefully learn how to fly with the wings, and thanks to a number of my ex's having some serious issues, moving around on all fours was something I had grown accustomed to a long time ago.

The only thing that gave me any amount of joy in this moment was the look of shock and awe practically glued to the woman's face. She sat behind her desk, examining the worksheets I had turned in. It was taking her some time to decipher my penmanship, just as it took me a while to calm down after picking up a pencil in my hoof despite the lack of fingers. However, the aforementioned lack of appendages did make writing more difficult. All of the work I put into writing came from my forearm...forehoof?

As she looked over my answers her expression would shift from shock, to surprise, to confused more times than I could count. Lowering the papers, she angled her head in my direction. "I must say Ebah, this is rather impressive." She confessed, "I truly must apologize for ever doubting you."

"Told ya!" I yelled victoriously. Finally, I had won! It was a small victory, but still had the right to be celebrated. Maybe now I could start pushing on the idea that I'm not where I should be. If she can see now that I have the knowledge of a highschool graduate, despite looking like a child, then maybe there's a chance for me.

Lifting the sheets with her voodoo, she went over a few more papers. "You've excelled in several key subjects, but your knowledge on Equestrian history and magic is practically non-existent." One of the slips of paper was levitated above her head and flipped to its back side as she shot me an unamused glare. "Was this really necessary?"

I squinted some to get a better look at the crudely sketched image of the woman sitting on top of a mountain of pony corpses; A single speech bubble running across the page with the words, 'WE ARE YOUR GOD NOW, BRING US YOUR VIRGINS!!!' sloppily written within it. A snort worked it way out of my nose as I tried desperately to keep myself from laughing.

The woman rolled her eyes at me, lowering the paper as she went through more of my work. "Your science is a bit...I wouldn't say behind, but not quite advanced either." She began, pulling me out of my short giggle-fit. "It's a rather detailed theory, and would be great for a science-fiction novel, but I'm afraid that gravity doesn't work that way."

I'll admit, I'm not the smartest guy around, but I took some offense to that. If there was one subject I was sensitive about, it was science. I may not be good at memorizing a lot of shit, but when it came to this specific topic I made sure my notes were one hundred percent accurate. I thought that including all of the details, that showing her how smart I was with everything but the history and biology of this place would help her see things my way. Instead, she's mocking me! Biting my tongue to the point where I could taste my own blood was the only way I could remain seated and not start cursing her out right now.

The small stack of papers lowered down to the desk, being neatly arranged by subject into their respective plastic bins. "While I do see the importance of knowing about these topics, I believe we should get started on your magic training posthaste!" The woman rose from her seat and trotted over to a table with two apples sitting atop of it. "Come now, mine son; Let us begin."

If steam could shoot out of my ears, it would have by now. Rather than throw a tantrum, I settled for just going along with her tests and trying something else to show her I'm not from here later. I hate to admit it, but it looks like submission is going to be the only way I'll be able to keep my sanity.

I sighed, hopping out of my seat and walking over to the table. It was tall enough to be level with my chin, but short enough to be just above the woman's shin...Why did that rhyme?

"You see the apple in front of you, Ebah?" The woman asked me, pointing a hoof at the ripe looking fruit.

I rolled my eyes, "No, I'm blind as a fucking bat when it comes to fruit." I replied, earning a rather displeased look from the woman. "Maybe you could find me a potato."

Ignoring my comment with little more than a sigh, she turned her attention onto the apple in front of her. "Just focus, mine son." She began, staring almost intently at the fruit. "See the object; Picture it in your mind becoming light as a feather, even lighter. So light in fact, that it begins to rise from the table on its own."

I watched as her horn started to glow a deep blue color, the same shade of blue appearing on the apple in front of her. Quick and with ease, the apple rose into the air and stayed there. "Uhh..."

She giggled at my dumbfounded expression as I stared on in confusion. "I understand that it may look nearly impossible to you, but we have faith-" She paused, catching her mistake. "I have faith in you, mine son." I looked away from her and directed my gaze to the apple that rested just a few inches in front of me. "Go on, Ebah. Just remember to focus; Light as feather!"

Do it....

Learn to use this, master it!

We can use this against her...

We can escape!

They were right, if I learned how to do this weird voodoo shit, then maybe I could use it to my advantage. From what she's told me before, levitating is just basic garbage. Who knows what else I'll be able to do if I master this so-called magic.

I focused as hard as I could, mentally picturing the apple levitating the same way the woman did. Much to my dismay, nothing happened. I tried again, and again, and again. This process repeated itself over and over, I was even starting to sweat just from how hard I was thinking.

For a moment, I felt some kind of spark, one that tickled the base of my forehead. For a moment I had hope; Until I saw that nothing was happening. Pissed off and annoyed that I couldn't get the damn thing to levitate after nearly ten minutes of trying, and the near constant cheering coming from that blue bitch, I slammed my own ass onto the ground with an audible thump.

This is supposed to be basic, beginners bullshit! If that's true, then why is it so fucking difficult!? My anger took hold of me and I placed my forehooves under the table, intent on flipping the innocent object. "Fuck it!"

I watched my son struggling with the task, offering him words of confidence as he tried over and over again to complete the test. His struggles were in vain and I could tell from the look on his face that he was becoming frustrated. As much as I wanted to bring an end to this, I still had hope that he may just pull through.

For a brief moment, I thought he had succeeded. I watched his horn shoot off a bit of magical discharge. This made my faith in his abilities grow, so I let him continue. Alas, his reaction to the discharge wasn't as uplifting as mine. He stopped trying, planting his rump to the ground in anger.

I was going to offer him some thoughtful words of encouragement, despite knowing he would brush them off without a second thought. Before I had the chance to react though, I saw his hooves reach under the table, latching on to it as he screamed to the heavens. "Fuck it!"

That's when something miraculous happened. I watched his small horn glow bright, it's bright orange aura filling my vision. Excitement and eagerness filled me. I looked over to the apple, wondering if maybe if would be raised. There was a loud POP just as the fruit entered my sight and a soft, almost watery, and strangely hot substance splashed onto me.

Using a hoof, I wiped the substance from my eyes, spitting out any that had landed on my lips as well. By my sisters beard, some of it had even gotten into my nose!

Once I was satisfied with the clearing of my facial orifices, I turned my attention back to the still standing table. Upon the table no apples were found. Not mine, nor Ebah's. In their place, and coating a majority of the room, were piles of applesauce that looked as though it had been cooked over a stove for too long.

I couldn't help but feel a certain amount of pride. While this didn't play out exactly how I intended it to, it worked! The idea itself wasn't actually to lift the apple, but to show Ebah that he could use magic and help him tap into it. If the burnt applesauce was any indication, I'd say that this lesson was a resounding success. I could feel the smile already spreading across my muzzle, the smile of a proud mother!

Turning back to my son, I grabbed him from the floor and gave him the biggest hug I could without completely breaking him. When I pulled out of the embrace to look at him, I couldn't help but laugh at the sight. His entire face was coated with the charred applesauce, leaving only his blank gaze to be seen.

"What the Sam Hell just happened?" He asked through the piles of mush on his face.

I still don't condone his poor language, but it was nigh impossible not to find his reaction at least a little bit funny. With my smile still holding true, I wiped some of the aftermath off of his adorable face. "Congratulations, mine son! You have passed the first test; Tapping into your magic." I looked around the room, taking in all that had happened when he finally gained access to his inborn abilities. "I can assume from how this played out, your magic doesn't work with how you think, but how you feel." I explained, hoping to teach him more about magic, and maybe even himself in the process. "This type is magic feeds off of your emotions. It's a bit more difficult to master, but not impossible."

I placed my son in his previous spot, where he stood in place staring at the carnage he caused. After having his fill with the scenery, he turned his attention to himself and began brushing some of the remaining applesauce from his attire. I find it bizarre that he almost never takes it off. I can't seem to pinpoint any specific reason for wearing it all the time. I'll have to ask him at some point. At least it shielded him from the explosion, so he likely won't need to bathe from the lesson. I, on the other hoof, might need to.

"In light of your recent success, mine son..." I began, feeling as though I should reward him for doing so well. I can't say I expect the rest of the day to play out well, but I have to at least try to trust him. He's my child for Faust's sake. "You are free to roam the castle on your own for the rest of the day."

"Princess Celestia." I turned my head to face the pony calling me by name. A simple guard stood by my side, his posture as stiff and aligned as the others around him. "We have reached your designated break time."

I nodded in his direction, "Thank you," I said gratefully, taking a mental sigh of relief. "I shall return in exactly thirty minutes from now."

Rising from my throne, I exited the courtroom, my mental sigh quickly becoming audible as I finally broke away from that load of stress. It’s not that I don’t care for my subjects, nor is it that I don’t want to help them. I do; but work like this can be taxing, even on an alicorn like me; Especially when half of the cases brought before me are as trivial as saying 'No, you can't sue him for spitting gum on the sidewalk.'

Sometimes I can feel my faith in the nobles of Canterlot slowly crumbling away. The ponies anywhere but here seemed much more mature and a whole lot less uptight. The urge to tax nobles until they're poor enough where they are forced to toughen up visits me too often. I'm not a tyrant though, they earned their success, most of them at least, and it would be wrong for me to take it from them. It's just a harmless fantasy of mine, something to help keep me sane in these long, boring days.

These breaks help as well. I arranged these to allow me a good few minutes of every day to recuperate and reduce any stress I may have accumulated over the day. Plus, sitting down for hours on end tends to make one's legs cramp, so this helps for that as well.

Pacing through the halls, I came upon the entrance to the castle gardens. The door was open, as it normally was during the day. What caught my attention though was not the gardens themselves, but the the colt standing within them. Ebah was standing beside the large fountain in the center, eyeing one of the bushes just a few feet from him. For the first time he wasn't wearing that odd coat, allowing me to see his entire form. He seemed tense, like he was becoming annoyed with something. From the stories I've heard from my sister, and what few moments I've run into him, this was nothing new. However, he appeared to be focusing intently on the bush, like he was expecting something to happen.

I couldn't help but become curious. He was a fascinating child, the way his mind worked was unlike any other pony I had ever seen. I am unsure why, but something about him always felt off. It could be the simple fact that he is unwell mentally, but that theory never sat right with me. I know he is troubled and in dire need of help, but there's something else about him that I can't quite put my hoof on.

Letting my curiosity get to me wasn't something I allowed too often, but Ebah is a special case. I made my way over to him, stopping when I was close enough to hear him muttering to himself.

"Come on!" He whispered in a harsh tone, "What the fuck!? Why can't I do it?" From his words and tone, I could only assume that something was puzzling him. As much as I wanted to help, I felt inclined to sit back and observe. "She said it was working with my emotions, right? So maybe..."

I couldn't see much of his features while standing behind him, but I noticed that his eyes had closed and his form seemed much more relaxed and focused. This lasted for a total of seventeen seconds before his body became tense once again and his face scrunched up in anger. Much to my surprise, his horn began to glow with a bright orange hue.

Something odd caught my eye as he appeared to tap into his magic. The fountain beside him started to change. The structure itself was stable and unmoving, but the waters within started to thicken and turn a sickly brown color, almost black. A few more seconds passed and it began to bubble, as if it were boiling; Then, without warning, it became consumed by fire.

The flames roared uncontrollably, causing Ebah to break his focus and jump as he realized what he had done. His expression was one of panic, and my surprise was no less dramatic. Without wasting further time, I focused my magic on the pond, reversing the spell he had used to start the fire.

The fire quickly vanished and the water was clear once again; Luckily, I managed to stop it before it could damage the fountain or anything around it. "You really must be more careful, Ebah."

Okay, I know that voice and I'm praying that it was just in my head. Craning my neck to the side, I was able to deduce that it was not. "Fuck me!" As if my day couldn't any worse! I finally get a small ounce of freedom, then I damn near set this whole tree-loving area on fire. And, to top it all off, the dictator had to be the one to see it. "Alright, let's get this over with."

Giving up wasn't something I normally did, but as I realized earlier, submission was the only way I would survive. If I'm going to be punished, I might as well get it out of the way now.

The woman's sister shot me a confused look. "Get what over with?"

Is she retarded? "Uh, my punishment..." I explained stupidly. "You know, for almost setting this place ablaze."

She looked at me and smiled, which succeeded in making me feel extremely confused and uncomfortable. "Perhaps if it were intentional, a punishment would be required. But this was an accident." She explained, "From what I saw, all you were doing was practicing your magic. It's hardly your fault if it got out of hoof."

"Uh..." Was all I could manage to get out. I wasn't sure how to feel about the woman's sister; Celestia, was it? I think so. But, I wasn't entirely sure how to feel about her. This is the first time I've been near her, not including those moments when I was in the middle of spazzing out hard enough to make the floor shake. It felt weird being near her and talking to her. Something about her seemed calm and collected and it was making me feel a little more at ease. The way she was looking at me sent chills down my spine.

I'm not sure how to explain it; It's like looking up at someone who makes you feel warm inside. Normally, this only happened whenever I had a girl in front of me...naked...While the circumstance here isn't entirely different, this wasn't the burning hot sensation of arousal, this was like being around someone I cared about. I felt the same comfort with her that I felt with my great aunt; The only woman in my life who looked out for me, and cared for me more than life itself. No matter how bad things would get, she would always be there to offer me a place to stay. She would make me laugh when all I wanted to do was scream, she could take what smart ass remarks I threw at her and give back just as much, she taught me the values of hard work and perseverance...She gave me hope when all I had left was hate.

I feel like a fucking tool for this, but I felt a tear work its way out of my eye and down my cheek. These memories of someone I actually cared about...why are they surfacing now? How come I couldn't even be bothered by the thought of someone so close to me until this very moment? I feel like a complete piece of shit; How could I just forget about her like that?

"Ebah..." I snapped out of my inner monologue, turning my attention to a very concerned looking Celestia. "Ebah, are you alright?"

"I-I-I...Y-yeah!" I stuttered, obviously failing rather miserably at trying to lie to her. This was something new as well, lying and deceiving were both things I mastered and had no problem with in the past. Why am I suddenly a sputtering mess? "I-I'm fine...Sorry, it's been kind of an off day for me." That wasn't entirely true either, nor was it dishonest. Same shit, different day; and it was all still one giant pain in my ass.

I watched as her face turned to one of shock. It was minor, like hearing your grandma swear for the first time. "Did you just apologize to me?"

"Did I?" I asked, finding a bit of difficulty in keeping my thoughts in order.

"You did." She replied with a smirk, having a somewhat cocky appearance. "Perhaps my sister is doing well in raising you?"

"That's rich!" I had to laugh at this one a little, the woman was far from being a perfect mother. I'm just glad she's not as much of a cunt as mine though. "I'll admit, she far from being the worst parental figure I've ever had, but she ain't hot shit either." Celestia gave me a disgusted look as I finished speaking. "It's a figure of speech. She's alright, but she could be SO MUCH better!"

Her features softened and she lowered herself down to my height; This required her to lay flat on the ground. "I understand that my sister is not what most would consider the ideal parent, but she is trying." Celestia began, her voice carrying so much more emotion than I was expecting. "All she wants is to help you grow into a healthy, mature stallion."

I blinked a few times. Celestia cared deeply for her sister, this much I could tell. I could also smell bullshit from a mile away despite my lack of the aforementioned sense. "Yeah, nice try."

Much to my surprise, Celestia groaned in annoyance, which was a first. Her motherly glow and feel seemed to flicker, if you will. Another very odd experience. I get the feeling that she doesn't like kids. Not so much as kids over all, but kids with a bad attitude. Being royalty, that's probably not something she has to deal with a whole lot. All she has to do is point her hoof at someone and say 'Jump' and they'll ask, 'How high?'

However, I ain't one of her little-bitch, horsey followers. I'm not gonna start sucking her off for being royalty like everyone else. Technically speaking, I'm royalty now too, so she can go fuck herself twice over.

"How are your studies going?" She asked, trying to change the subject, I assume. Again though, wearing that motherly fucking smile. I know I keep saying this, but it's fucking weird!

"Fan-fucking-tastic!" I said sarcastically, motioning to the fountain I accidentally started on fire. "As you can tell, I'm quite the wizard already."

She laughed at that last part. Not a lot, but it was something. Who knows, maybe this bitch has a decent sense of humor and I might grow warm to the idea of spending time with her...But I wouldn't bet on it. "So I see." She quipped with a smile. I started to grow a little concerned, noticing her eyes lighting up suddenly. "I have an idea, if you're interested..."

I shot her a confused look, feeling as though she were planning something. Whether or not it was against me was unknown, but it obviously involved me. "I guess that depends..."

"You've only been here for a few short days, but I have yet to spend any quality time with you." She began, causing me to tense up a bit. Feeling like I knew what she was going to say, I was already preparing an argument. "In fact, none of our relatives are aware of your presence. I think we should take the rest of the day to have a family meeting to welcome you."

Not...quite what I was expecting...Doesn't sound fun either. Just how large is her family anyway? If alicorns are rare, I can only assume that they are all related and that there are, at the absolute maximum, twenty of them. Personally, I think that's twenty too many. "Yeah, how about-No."

I was about to walk away, but soon found myself being levitated off of the ground with a golden light surrounding my body. I was then held up just in front of the still-smiling, white bitch. "There's no need to be shy, my little pony. I'm sure they'll love you."

Okay, now I know for a fact that she's planning something fucked up. She knows damn-well that I am probably the last person alive that anyone would want to meet, or be delighted to be around. You know, minus the blue psychopath and Garnette. But they were unreasonable exceptions! The woman is clearly mentally unstable and Garnette is a blood-sucking, freak of nature...kinda cute though...Damn vampire charms!

So, I was unwillingly dragged to Celestia's room, all while making sure that the entire castle heard my protests. Sunbutt didn't seem to give any more of a fuck than what was spared, which was none. Once again, I have been forced into submission. All I could do was sit quietly on her floor and wait while she sent out a letter to request everyone to come to Canterlot...That...I almost missed that horse pun.

Then again, I'm not sure if cantering is purely equine based. I might look like an idiot for not knowing this, but I'm not a fucking animal expert. Normally, I'd make it a point to look it up on the internet later, but there were two major issues with that. One; having a lack of fingers would make typing difficult. Two; THERE IS NO FUCKING INTERNET HERE!!!

There's so much porn I'm missing out on, it's not even funny!

Perversions aside, I probably waited for...I actually don't know how long I waited. I kinda zoned out during that short chunk of time and lost track of reality for a bit. I wasn't brought back into reality until the door opened, revealing several ponies on the other side.

I looked back, my niece, her husband, and her husband's sister in tow as I trotted to my sister's quarters. I told them upon entering that this meeting would be of great importance, but left out a few details. As far as they know, my sister and I are introducing them to a recently discovered alicorn. They all saw this to be a high-priority situation. In reality, it was, but it wasn't quite of world ending proportions. Even so, my sister had called off the rest of her court for this occasion.

Twilight knows about his presence, but has been left in the dark with the others as to why we were bringing them to see him. "As we have explained, he has lived a troubled life." I continued, having given them fair warning about his mannerisms. "So please pardon any and all behavioral issues he has. And believe me, they are high in number."

"I'm sure he can't be that bad." My niece commented hopefully. If only she knew... "I mean, it's not like he's trying to take over the world or anything right?" She paused for a second, her smile faltering some. "Right?"

I may have giggled a bit at her response. "We can assure you, Cadence. He is doing nothing of the sort."

"But he is pretty rowdy." Twilight added, knowing just how bad he could be. However, I feel as though she had only gotten a taste of what my sister and I have gone through. "You made the right choice not bringing Flurry."

"Is he really that bad?" Cadence asked curiously.

"Worse than Shining during his rebellious phrase." Twilight answered, earning an almost humorous reaction from her older brother.

"Come on," Shining protested playfully, "I wasn't that bad."

"Compared to this colt, you might as well be a foal again."

I saw Cadence's eyes widen at that statement, nearly losing her footing as she processed what Twilight had said. "I'm sorry, but did you just say 'colt'?"

"We're here!" I chimed in, coming to a stop in front of my sister's bedroom door. They stopped as well, waiting for me to open the door. "Remember now; He is in a weak mental state. Please refrain from pressing any conversations that seem to agitate him and do your best to be as kind as possible, no matter how negatively he may respond."

They nodded, agreeing to the terms. I took a breath and put on a smile, pressing my hoof to the door before pushing it open.

Okay, their family is a lot smaller than I thought. This was mildly relieving. I say mildly, cause apparently that purple bitch is in with them. I had almost forgotten that she even existed. Part of me hoped that she brought her pet lizard, it would be fun to give him shit again. Alas, my one hope was shattered like a dinner plate. For instead, she arrived with the woman, a girl so pink it almost made me wanna throw up, and some...fuckin' dude.

Pink and Dude looked at me funny for a bit, but snapped out of it when fat ass and her sunny bullshit told them to sit in a circle. Worst part about that, I was assigned to be in the center of the circle. I don't know about most people, but I don't like being the center of attention, especially in this literal of a sense.

They had me completely surrounded, all sitting like dogs. I got to see some teats with their current position...It's weird, but I also found it kinda...Oh god, I am disgusting.

I also saw Dude's junk, which made me feel...a little inadequate...

"Given our new guest," Celestia started with me only half paying attention. "I believe the most important thing is introductions. I will go-"

"You!" I yelled, pointing a hoof to Dude. He looked at me oddly, probably wondering why I was calling him out. "Lay down, now!" I demanded.

Dude continued to stare at me with a perplexed look about him. "Okay...but w-?"

"Cause I can see your meat-stick and it's making me uncomfortable!" Dude glanced down, blushing slightly before quickly dropping down so he was laying on his stomach. "Okay..." I said, letting myself relax a bit. "Alright...continue."

Celestia seemed lost for a second, but gathered herself quickly. "As I was saying, I think introductions are in order." She continued, "I'll go first." Standing up on all fours, she cleared her throat. "My name is Celestia; I am one of the Co-Rulers of Equestria. I raise and lower the sun and I work from morning to afternoon. I have a fondness for sunflowers, warm weather, and, admittedly, I have a small weakness for cakes and other pastries." This earned a chuckle from everyone but me. "And I have a large, wonderful family that I know loves me and cares for me more than anything."

That last part got an 'Aww' from everyone, once again, minus me. I was going to make a comment, but was cut off before I could even start.

Twinkle rose up as Celestia lowered herself, allowing her to have the spotlight. "My name is Twilight Sparkle-" She began, making me wonder why I thought her name was Twinkle. "I used to live here in Canterlot with my mother, father, and my brother. I currently reside in Ponyville with six of the most amazing friends in the world; That being said, I am also the Princess of Friendship."

It was weird how modest she was coming off, which wasn't too surprising I guess. Especially when your rule over something as mediocre as friendship. Maybe that was important here, but...You know what, I'm not even gonna rant. It doesn't make a lick of sense and that's that.

Regardless, she continued. "I love reading, research, and anything to do with scientific or magical study. My favorite color is lavender-" Why am I not surprised? "and I...admit to having a slight fear of...cheese."

A fear...of cheese...The fuck!? Okay, I guess that weird one is done. She's sitting down now and Pink seems to be taking the stand. Oh the fucking joy!

Looking like some sort of cheap toy, Pink stood with poise and grace. "I guess it's my turn." No shit, Sherlock! "My name is Mi Amore Cadenza, Cadence for short, and I am the Princess of Love."

Okay, now I'm almost positive that they're fucking with me. Mi Amore Cadenza? Is that even a human language, or is she just pulling something random out of her ass to get a reaction out of me? Either way it goes, I just...what the fuck! I don't even know how to react to this! It's just...Weird! Why is everything in this technicolor-ed, pony hell-hole so fucking bizarre? And to top it all off, she shortened her name down to Cadence. That is the most human sounding fuckin' name I've heard since I got here. And, for some reason, that bothers me to no end.

"-and as of a year ago, my husband and I had a daughter named Flurry Heart who we love and might even spoil unconditionally." She finished with a smile.

Okay, I guess I missed a few steps during my little internal rant. Can't say I'm displeased though. If the first thing she said was enough to drive my brain up the wall, then the rest of that probably would have given me an aneurysm.

So, Pink sat down and now Dude is getting to his feet. He stood up with his chest puffed out and his form standing almost completely still. He kinda reminded me of the guards in the solar half of the castle with how he was holding himself.

"My name is Shining Armor, husband to Princess Cadence and older brother to Princess Twilight." Okay, now he's just coming off as a pompous asshole. "I used to be captain of the royal guard here in Canterlot, but now my duty rests on being Prince of the Crystal Empire, which I Co-Rule over with my beautiful wife." That last statement earned a smile from Pink and almost managed to make me gag. "I spent most of my childhood looking up to the guards here and doing some personal training to ready myself to join them. Once I finally got in, I worked myself up the ranks with hard work, dedication, and a sense of justice. Before long after that, I started dating Princess Cadence. And, in time, I proposed to her and, after a pretty rough start, we were happily married."

Wow...that was stupid and very under developed. I've seen shitty fanfic writers put more substance in their characters than this guy just did for himself.

Shining Prick-Face took a seat, only for me to glare at him until he realized his mistake and went to his earlier position of laying down. That should be the last of them, so I guess this whole thing is-

"We are Luna, also Co-Ruler of Equestria, and Princess of the Night."

Fuck!

The woman stood up similarly to her sister, holding just as much authority and grace, I suppose. "Unlike our sister, we raise and lower the moon. Our shift starts late afternoon and runs until morning. We enjoy moonlit walks, interacting with our subjects, and being able to help ponies in need." Out of nowhere, she started to look giddy, like she was about to burst from excitement. "And we are proud to announce that, as of earlier today, a number of paperwork has been handled;" Out of nowhere, she grabbed me with her hooves, pulling me into another bone-crushing hug. "Thus, officially making me this little colt's mother!"

Through my mild strangulation, I could see and hear Pink and her husband smiling and clapping their hooves together. I noticed a lack of that from purple and princess white. In fact, they looked surprised...and concerned?

It took a bit more effort than I'd like to admit, but I managed to break out of the woman's hold, only for her to start pushing me back to the center of the circle with her muzzle. "Go on now, mine son. It is your turn."

Stepping back to the middle, all eyes became glued on me. This was uncomfortable. Like I said, I don't like being the center of attention. I could always make a break for it, but I don't doubt I'd be stopped rather quickly. My only choice was to do this introduction...Fuck my life!

I grumbled a bit to myself before starting. "I...I go by the name, Ebah." I paused, trying to think of how to continue...or maybe I'll get lucky and they'll pity me enough to let me leave.

"That's a..." Pink began, looking a little confused. "very unique name. Does it have some sort of meaning?"

I guess it wouldn't hurt to share that much. "It's an acronym. E-B-A-H; Evil Brain, Angel Heart."

Now dude was looking at me funny. "So, your first name is Evil?"

...Huh...

I placed a hoof to my chin, wondering how I hadn't realized that. "I guess so...I didn't even think about that." I looked around, noticing that everyone wore an almost disturbed expression. Minus the woman, who was smiling nervously. I never told her about my choice name, which probably just made this uncomfortable. Dwelling more on my name, a thought came to mind. "Wait, I'm technically royalty, right?"

"Y-yes, mine son." The woman confirmed. "Now that the adoption papers have been filed, you are officially our heir."

I didn't let her weird way of talking bother me at the moment. I was too fixated on the title. "So, I would be, Prince Evil?" I asked, receiving no response as I continued to hash this out. "No, that sounds stupid."

"You could be, Prince Angel." Pink chimed in, wearing a bit of a smile now. "That's also technically your name too."

"You're not wrong, but that sounds gay as fuck." Her smile vanished instantly, face shifting to a state of complete shock. From what I've noticed, there are only princes and princesses. No kings or queens. So King Evil was out of the question. Plus, it didn't quite sound right either. Finally, it clicked. "Got it! Lord Evil...Now that's badass."

"Ebah..." I turned my attention back to the woman. "Perhaps we could discuss this later and get back to the introduction?"

"Alright, alright!" Fuckin' buzzkill. "Okay, so...I go by Ebah. I am the prince of nothing, so not a lot to go off of there. I have only been a pony for a few days now. I hate the legs, I hate how short I am, and I hate that I'm only like nine when I'm actually supposed to be like twenty." Everyone wore a somewhat solemn look on their face as I continued. "My real mother is a massive cunt, my father is a fucking psychopath. I can't say I'm an alcoholic, but I was pretty damn close to being one up until I found myself in Princess Twinkle's town. So, I'm not really an upstanding member of society where I come from either. In fact, my entire race is full of ignorant, self-righteous fuckbags who, at best, need to be sodomized by Negan's barbed wire wrapped, baseball bat."

"Speaking of bats, I've made one friend since coming here." I continued, deciding to throw the vampire under the bus. "The woman knows her, she's one of her guards; Garnette. Great girl, real feisty, fun to be around. Kind of a prick, but not intolerably so."

What else is there...Right, things I like! "I enjoy warm weather, dark secluded spaces, fire, explosions...pretty much anything that goes 'Boom' is fun to me..." And I'm officially done with this. It was annoying at first, but now it's really starting to get on my nerves. "Okay, y'all know a bit about me. Can we be done now?"

Celestia went to reply to me, only to be cut off by her door being opened once again. She looked over at the intruder, wearing a rather devious smile. Whoever she was looking at, they were obviously part of whatever plan she had for me.

Following her gaze, I spotted the stallion. He was tall, white, and had golden hair. He was wearing a bow tie and had some kind of weird collar that gave it the appearance of him wearing a dress shirt, but...he wasn't? The fuck?

"Nephew," I heard Sunny say from behind me. "It's so nice of you to join us."

"Of course it is." He said smugly, making me reconsider my judgment on that Shining-whatever-pony. He walked past the rest of us like we didn't even exist, chest puffed out the whole way and looking like he had a stick comfortably shoved up his ass. Once he got to Sunny Buns, "I apologize for my tardiness, but I was a little busy with some backup at one of my many businesses." I don't know if this is just how he sounds normally, or if he's intentionally trying to make it sound like he's better than everyone else. Either way, my temper is reaching its peak. "I'm sure I didn't miss anything important."

"Not at all," Tall and white answered, still coming off as mischievous in the face. "We were just introducing ourselves to the recently discovered alicorn." She gestured over to me, ushering his attention. His face seemed to drop a bit at the sight before he quickly forced on a smile.

"Yes, the new member of the family." He said, his tone sounding almost as forced as his false smile as he walked closer to me. "Prince Blueblood." He began, holding a hoof out to me. "Charmed, I'm sure."

At this point, I didn't even know how to react. I probably stared blankly at him for half a minute before finally managing to put my brain back together. "I misjudged you, Shining." I said, not taking my eyes off of this thing in front of me. "I thought you were going to be the pompous asshole of the group, but this guy takes the gift-wrapped cake." I finished, earning a less-than-amused look from Prince Blueballs. "Bow and all."

Blue turned to face Celestia, pleading her for assistance with his eyes. She offered him a demanding nod in my direction. I could see the end of his eye role as he turned to face me again, placing his raised hoof back to the floor. "Young sir, I will have you know that, what you have said, is rude and uncalled for."

"So is your existence." Again, he rolled his eyes. Looking frustrated, he held out his hoof again. My instant reaction was not of my own doing. Before I could even process it, my own hoof shot up and slapped his away. "Don't you fuckin' hold that out to me! I don't wanna catch your bullshit!"

At first, he looked offended. Now he looks genuinely pissed. "I will have you know that I am royalty!" He snapped, lowering himself so his face was nearly touching mine. "What you did was assault! I could have you sent to the castle dungeons for such treason!"

I could feel the hairs on my neck stand up as I saw the woman standing up through my peripherals. "You shall do no such-!"

"News flash, Nancy-boy;" I shouted, cutting her off intentionally. This wasn't her battle, it was mine; One that I planned to win! "I'm royalty too!" I moved in, pressing my nose to his with the most furious gaze I could muster. "So you can fuck right the hell off, you prissy, Backstreet Boy looking motherfucker!"

"You ruffian!" I don't know what that means, but he yelled it at me. "Insolent, disrespectful, little-" During his tirade of insults, I saw one of his hooves raise...I hope he fucking hits me, cause I'm going straight for the jugular!

Before he could begin his swing, I leaped at him, teeth bared and ready to take a chunk outta this prick! Instead of latching onto his throat though, I found myself being held up in the air. this time around, the glow surrounding me was purple. Not only that, but I also saw the woman holding the prince's hoof with one of her own.

The glare she was giving him sent a shiver up my spine, her following words only serving to intensify it. "You dare to raise your hoof at our son!?" The woman all but yelled at him, causing his face to shift from anger to fear faster than I could blink.

"B-but, he was-"

Blueballs didn't even get the chance to finish before the woman started chewing his ass out again. "He is a child! And a troubled one at that. He does not know any better!" She argued in my defense, "You are a full-grown stallion and a prince. You should know better!" He went to reply, but- "Silence, Cur!" So much for that!

The woman released his hoof, taking a step back as she closed her eyes and took a slow breath. "You are to leave our sight at once." She said in a much quieter, but no less threatening tone. "Otherwise, we cannot be held responsible for what might happen to you."

There was no hesitation. The prince took off like a lightning bolt, sprinting out of the room with his tail between his legs. And, I'm not gonna lie, I could have stopped myself...

"Try not to trip over your purse on the way out!" Once the words left my mouth, I could have sworn I heard a giggling coming from-

"Ebah!" My attention was immediately drawn to the woman, her eyes staring into mine intently as she glared at my very soul. "Your behavior today was both foolish and uncalled for." She began, "We had hoped that this event would make you feel welcomed and help you to better adjust to your new home, but it seems that it has failed. We are very disappointed in you."

"In me!?" I started, only getting as far as- "What the fuck did I-!?"

"Enough!" She yelled, making my ear drums pulse in my head. "You are to go to our chambers and remain there until we deem you worthy of removing yourself. Are we clear?"

I know I shouldn't argue with her, especially given that she is now my legal guardian...But, I couldn't stop myself. "In the interest of my self-preservation; Get fucked!"

The woman clenched her teeth shut, holding back her answer as she went on to speak through her closed jaw. "Sister...we shall be preparing the throne room for night court." She began, turning to face her sibling and even speaking properly. "If you could keep an eye on him until such a time as his sitter arrives, we would very much appreciate it."

Celestia looked absolutely jarred. In fact, looking around the room, I could swear that everyone in here looked like they had just shit a brick. "Of course, sister." she replied to the woman. "Go on ahead."

The woman nodded, shooting me one last angry look before walking around me. "We would also appreciate if everypony would follow us, so we may lead you out."

Without further exchange, I was dropped to the ground and they departed, closing the door behind them. This left Sunny and I to our own devices. Which was good, because I had some words for her...

Turning to face the tall mare, I could see the look of sympathy in her eyes. However, she wasn't going to win me over with her petty looks. "You fucking planned this, didn't you." I said, making sure it sounded more like a statement than a question.

I was positive that this was all her fault. I saw her evil grin when that prince walked in; I heard that tiny laugh when I was cussing him out. She wanted this to happen!

Her head lowered, looking genuinely upset. "Yes, I did." She confessed, only serving to make me that much closer to slapping her. "But this was not my intention, I swear to you." She looked down at me, her expression looking nothing short of ashamed. "I am not proud of what happened and I make no excuses for my actions. I was merely hoping for you to get a rise out of my nephew. This wasn't meant to be anything serious, just a harmless joke for my own amusement."

I felt my eye twitch a bit at that, the small voices in my head telling me to jump her for using me as a pawn and getting me chewed out in the end. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shove my hoof up your ass!"

Celestia raised a single wing, holding it out and laying several feathers on my shoulder. "Ebah, I swear on my crown that I will make this up to you." She said, looking from me to the door. "Starting with this..." Using her pony witchcraft, she opened the door, revealing a familiar vampire pony on the other side.

Garnette looked at us with wide eyes, a hoof raised as if she were about to open the door just when the sun goddess did it for her. "Oh...good afternoon princess." She began, slowly moving to her guard stance. "I am here by order of Princess Luna to escort Ebah to her chambers."

"That will not be necessary, my little pony." Celestia replied, removing her wing from my shoulder as she stood up and walked over to the thestral. "I would like for you two to go to the kitchens and get yourselves something to eat. After that, I would like you to allow Ebah freedom to roam the castle under your supervision."

Garnette seemed taken back by this slightly. "I'm sorry, princess. But, I don't think that I-"

Celestia raised a hoof, causing her to fall silent. "I am well-aware of my sister's orders. Also that I hold no command over her forces. But, if you could humor me just this once..." She pleaded, her guilty appearance apparently being enough to sway my blood-sucking friend.

"I-I-I...U-um...alright..." Garnette stammered, earning a small smile from Celestia.

"Thank you." She said graciously, turning back to look at me shortly after. "You are in no trouble, little one. You have nothing to fear. I will speak to Luna at once and inform her of my mistake."

I couldn't find the words to speak as she walked off, now leaving me with Garnette; Who walked over to me with a confused look etched onto her face. "What the hell just happened?"

"It's a long story." I replied, staring at the open door as I tried to figure out whether or not I should still be mad.

"We've got all night." Garnette pressed, "Care to share?"

"Well, it started off a little something like this..."

Author's Notes:

I hope the changes will be appreciated. I'm actually really looking forward to playing with this story again. I missed it. Plus, knowing that I kinda just threw something together in an attempt to just be done with it, bothered me to no end. I'm hoping to right this wrong by continuing where I left off and where the bullshit started. Please let me know if y'all are enjoying this and would like for me to continue with this little reboot.

Also, a big round of applause for my buddy,

DekaSkittalz

A man who's put up with WAY too much of my shit and, for the first time ever, edited a chapter that I wrote WHILE SOBER!!! Do you guys know how rare that is!? It almost never fuckin' happens!

ANYWAY! If you are enjoying this story, make sure to slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Share it with your friends and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P