It's been nearly a week since Princess Luna has left the castle on official business. There was a matter of upmost urgency at one of the thestral training grounds, one that demanded her immediate attention. On that note, she left; leaving Ryan behind so she could handle the situation without any distractions. As much as she enjoyed his company, this was a royal duty. She couldn't allow her affections to get in the way of her responsibilities.

The first couple of days went by smoothly, but something was wrong. Ryan seemed to be growing a bit distant as time went by, always being on edge. He started keeping more and more to himself as each day passed, until he stopped leaving his room all together.

Celestia tried reaching out to him, but he never responded. He stopped eating, sleeping; she could hear him pacing around behind the door every time she came into the night wing to check on him.

His behavior had become more than worrisome to the Princess, but she didn't know how to go about this alone. So she sent a letter to Twilight; requesting her companionship. Twilight had become very good at reading ponies and always had useful information and even a few very clever ideas here and there. Her company could be of use.

Within the hour, Twilight arrived, stepping into the throne room to greet Celestia. "Hello, Princess." She said with a bow, still showing the upmost respect to her former mentor.

Celestia nodded, smiling down at the young mare she used to call her student. "Twilight, as I have said before, you don't need to address me by my title."

Twilight smiled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. She knew she was no longer required to call Celestia, Princess, anymore. But, it was almost instinctive. She grew up calling her that and it just stuck.

"Sorry. Have you heard anything from Ryan yet?"

Celestia frowned and nodded. "Regretfully not. He's been keeping himself locked in his room for several days now and I fear for his health; both physical and mental."

Twilight raised a brow at this. Although she knew Ryan, she didn't know much about him. Her knowledge only went as far as knowing he was a bit odd with an even odder sense of humor. "What do you mean?" She asked with genuine curiosity.

"His bond with Luna has become quite the thing to admire. They have been almost inseparable." Celestia explained, rising from her throne and pacing back and forth in front of it. "I fear that her departure is having a negative impact on his mind."

Two thestral guards stood outside of the doors to their princess', and her mate's, chambers. They stood as still as statues, listening to the sound of something tapping within the room. Despite how annoying it would become after a few hours, they kept themselves in check and stayed in their respective places.

Much to their surprise, the tapping stopped and all was silent. This caused them to glance over at the other. In the last couple of days that noise was all they had that told them the human was still alive. What could have possibly made him stop?

The sound of something being shattered reached their ears from the other side and the two guards nearly jumped as the door clicked, signaling that it was about to be opened. It slowly swung away from its frame with an unsettling creek.

Once the door had fully opened a strange sight made its way out of the room. The bipedal, hairless form walked out from the dark of the chambers with its head hung low and its body trembling.

The guards locked gazes once again, an uncertain expression donning both of their features. they looked back at the human, who's head was slowly turning to meet them.

It was probably one of the most horrifying sights they had ever set their sights on. His face was pale, with dark rings around his eyes. The eyes themselves were bloodshot, nearly to the point that no white could be seen. He also seemed to be holding the neck of a broken bottle in his hand.

He just looked at them, his body still trembling as if he had done an eight ball of cocaine. "Where is it?" He muttered.

One of the guards cleared his throat and looked over at him curiously, not being entirely sure what it is he was looking for. "My apologies; but, what is it that you are-?"

"I LOST MY VIRGINITY AND I CAN'T FIND IT!!!"

Celestia and Twilight have been discussing strategies and ideas on how to reach out to Ryan. This conversation had gone on for several minutes, but they couldn't seem to settle on what the best plan of action would be. The conversation was soon cut off as one of Celestia's prized chefs burst into the throne room.

The two princesses nearly jumped from the shock of the sudden intrusion. Once they were able to collect who it was and mentally relax themselves, they stood up to greet the stallion.

"Gourmet, I trust this intrusion is of some sort of importance?" Celestia questioned as she scanned the rather irritant expression on his face.

Despite his anger, the chef respectfully bowed before going further into discussion. "I apologize for barging in here like this, princess, but I am a bit agitated at the moment."

Celestia raised a brow at him, as did Twilight. "I see. Would you mind explaining why?"

He nodded, "There are a select few bottles of wine that I keep in the kitchen at all times for my specialty meals. These wines are very hard to come by, and very expensive."

"Go on..." Celestia urged, becoming slightly annoyed herself as to why he was in here talking about wine.

Gourmet crossed his arms before continuing, still holding his cold gaze. "Well, from the looks of it, each and every bottle I had has gone missing. I do not know who took them, but they are extremely-"

Everypony in the throne room fell silent as an audible yelp echoed from the hall. Judging from the sound, they could conclude that it wasn't any farther than just outside of the door. Strangely enough, a conversation was struck by whatever was out there.

"Hey, guard pony." A very familiar voice spoke. One that both Celestia and Twilight recognized as the human mate of Luna. "Give me your spear."

"What?" The guard pony replied, "No."

"Give me your spear!"

"No!"

"Guard, give me your spear!"

"I said, no!"

"Come on, just a touch?"

"Get away from me!"

"Just the tip?"

Celestia sighed, "I think that's enough out of him."

Her horn began to glow as the human was levitated into the throne room from just outside of the entrance. He was placed not even a foot in front of her, flailing about wildly and trying to run toward the nearest guard.

"Givemeyourspear! Givemeyourspear! Givemeyourspear!" He yelled out, reaching for the guards who would just stare at him oddly. They were basically giving him a look that asked 'What the fuck?' in a thousand different ways.

Dude, calm drunk. You're down...

"Not yet I'm not!" He shouted to the voice in his head before collapsing onto his face. "Now I am...I feel like that should have hurt more..."

I can't feel our face.

Twilight grunted, "I'll take it from here."

Celestia nodded and thanked her as she left. Twilight would take care of the human while he recovered while she tends to the matter of Gourmet's special wines.

"And here I thought today was going to be a hassle..."

Twilight carried the human back to his room in her magic. She had tried walking normally by his side, but it would seem that his attention would keep getting caught on a number of different things and lead to her having to chase him down the hall. With him in her grasp, she mentally tried to puzzle together what was leading him to behave in such a way.

It clearly had something to do with Luna leaving, but why was he dealing with it in this manner. Wouldn't it have just been easier to seek out Celestia and speak with her about how he was feeling.

Ryan let out an audible belch. "I wantz twisslers..."

She sighed; not only did she not know what a tissler was, but he just wouldn't stop talking. And nearly everything he said either didn't make sense, or was completely incoherent. "I think what you need is to go to bed."

"But if I go to bed then I can't defeat the mightly dragon!" He said loud and proud, as if he were some knight who had shown up to save the day.

"Twinkle!" He called out, turning his head to face Twilight. "Twikle, twinkie..."

"Twilight." She corrected with an annoyed huff.

"Turkey, listen." He paused as she nearly growled at him. "This is important..."

Twilight's expression shifted to one of curiosity, but also caution. She didn't have a clue as to what he might say, but if he was claiming it was important then it was probably a good idea to listen at least a little bit.

He tried to lean closer to Twilight, but being suspended in the air made that a bit difficult.

She picked up on what he was trying to do and brought his face closer to hers, allowing him more than enough room to lean in a whisper whatever it was that he wanted to say to her.

Her eyes widened as he relayed a secret message to her, her face turning a deep shade of red before he finally leaned away from her and started laughing.

Celestia had agreed to pay for Gourmet's wines to be replaced and have the order shipped to him within the next few days. Luna was going to get a serious talking to about keeping her mate on some sort of leash. Never-the-less, no real damage had been done, so all was well for the time being.

Twilight re-entered the throne room just as Celestia had taken a seat back in her respective chair.

She watched as her former student made her way up to where she was with a strong shade of red forcing its way through the fur on her face. Her eyes would avoid making any sort of contact with the alabaster alicorn.

"Twilight, is everything alright?"

"Yep, everything is fine, just perfect!" She replied with a nervous smile, her eyes never moving anywhere near Celestia's position. She just couldn't bring herself to look at her former teacher. Not after hearing what Ryan had told her.

She couldn't help but replay the memory in her head over and over, rubbing her ear as she did so.

Ryan leaned into her ear before whispering, "You smell like Celestia tastes."

Twilight's eyes widened as he relayed the information to her, her face turning a dark shade of red as Ryan gently licked the edge of her ear and bit it before leaning back and laughing.

"Yeah, just perfect." Twilight repeated to herself.

Tonight could not get any weirder...

Just as that thought crossed her mind, the human could be seen sprinting down the hall; wearing literally nothing at all as he did so.

"Woo! We're going streaking!" He yelled enthusiastically. If his nude sprinting didn't catch the attention of everypony in the castle, then his screaming sure as hell did.

Twilight groaned and let her body sink into the chair. "I give up."

Ryan ran about the hall in his birthday suit, having the time of his life. He didn't know how his cloths had come off, but he wasn't exactly complaining either. The freedom felt nice. As fate would have it though, his fun came to a grinding halt.

More like sudden stop. Why is the world spin-ninging?

His body had collided with something very hard, causing him to stop dead in his tracks.

That wall came out of nowhere!

The human took a few steps back and, much to his surprise, discovered that he had not run into a wall. Rather, who he ran into, was a mare. One that he considered a very good friend; one that was completely red all over her body.

"Holy shit!" Ryan screamed, "You are sunburnt like a motherfucker!"

Dawn let out an annoyed sigh. She could already smell the stench of alcohol on his breath. He was clearly intoxicated, but she could have assumed that from his naked tirade through the castle.

"My friend, why is it that you are running about in the nude?" She asked, doing her best to bide her time and keep her eyes above his waistline. The last thing she needed was for another guard to see her glancing at the human's package and starting a rumor.

His left eye started squinting at her as he scratched at his head. "I don't know. I sewer, they just kind of vanished."

"I swear." She corrected.

"Hey, you shouldn't swear!" He exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at her. "That's extremely rude, you fucking asshole!"

Dawn flinched at his sudden outburst, she wasn't expecting him to just up and yell at her. Then he started laughing at her reaction. The headache he was already causing her was going to drive her crazy.

She took a moment to close her eyes and massage her temples. That was very short lived. There was a slight tugging sensation coming from her side, where she kept her spear.

Her head raised from its previous position and turned to face Ryan, who was holding the end of her weapon in his hands and staring at her with an almost perverted smile.

"Give me your spear..."

Luna sat patiently in the back of the carriage, letting herself finally relax from all of the chaos that took place in the training grounds. The trip had been the exact definition of a walking nightmare. The only thing that helped her make it through the day were the thoughts of returning home to her sister and her love.

She could already feel his presence, they were getting close. She smiled at the thought of snuggling into her bed with Ryan and cuddling up against his warm skin. Laying her head on his chest and listening to his heart beat so smoothly that it practically sung her to sleep with its mystical tunes.

Her daydream was soon interrupted as the carriage came to a somewhat rough landing. "Princess, we have arrived."

Luna couldn't help but smile a bit at this information. Finally, she was home. She exited and stood just outside of the castle, looking up at it in all of its glory. Her eyes closed and she took a slow inhale of the air that surrounded the area.

Yep, it definitely still smells like home.

She smiled and released her intake, beginning her journey toward the entrance. She stopped, however, when she heard a strange noise in the distance. It wasn't one she recognized immediately; in fact, she didn't identify it until several shards of broken glassed rained onto the ground.

"Cause I'm free!"

Luna heard a voice sing from above her and instinctively looked up to find the source. Her breath became caught in her throat as she saw the naked human plummeting to his death.

"Free falling!"

She quickly extended her arms, catching him just in time and holding him in the same manner that a husband would hold his bride. Her breath became freed from her throat, allowing her to breathe properly once again.

Ryan looked around him, surprised that he was no longer falling. When his eyes finally found Luna a smile that could tear faces apart spread across his face. He quickly wrapped his arms around her neck and buried his face in her neck.

"Sweetheart, I missed you!" He said happily, glad to finally have Luna back from...

I'm sorry...you...but I can't fuckin'...remember...why she left. Something about emeralds?

Luna smiled, she had missed him as well, and his affectionate behavior was very much appreciated. However, one particular thought came to mind and was bugging her beyond anything she could ever comprehend.

"Ryan, why were you falling out of a window? And why are you naked?"

He pulled himself back a bit, thinking hard about what had just happened. "I don't know. Damn Russians."

She raised a brow at him before shrugging it off completely. "Oh well. As long as you're okay."

A blush quickly spread across face as she felt something large slide between her breasts. She looked down to see that Ryan had completely submerged his head into her cleavage.

Ryan hummed with delight. "I missed these too."

He rested his head within the large mountains of flesh, nuzzling her chest as he did so. If there truly was no god in this world, then the magnificent orbs that existed on this mare would not exist.

Praise be to the boob god...whatever her name might be.

...

Oh, come on! If there's anything in this world that knows what true mammary perfection is, it's a god damn woman.

Ryan was not in the right state to be fighting with himself; rather, he was in a pretty fantastic state for a little foreplay. He would have started sooner if the world weren't spinning so much. Apparently Luna was already walking down the halls toward the night wing.

Fuck, this bitch is fast.

Oh well, a little bit of nausea wasn't going to stop him. The fact that they were still in the hallway meant just about as much as the nausea as well.

He sneakily worked his fingers up to the neck of her shirt, he would have tried from the bottom, but with how she was carrying him, he would have been caught on the spot. Once he got ahold of the neck he pulled it down, hard.

Luna winced a bit at a slight pain she felt in the back of her neck. She felt a tugging on the front of her shirt, and soon enough, a cool breeze brushing across her bare breasts.

Her eyes immediately shot down to Ryan, who had somehow managed to pull down her shirt and bra so that her chest was completely exposed.

A deep blush spread across her face as she looked around the hall to make sure no pony was around to see her like this.

"What are you doing!?" She whispered to Ryan.

He completely ignored her and moved on to massaging one of her massive boobs in his hand. She let a small squeak at this, doing her best to hold back the moan that was so desperately trying to work its way out of her throat.

"Please, not here." She begged.

Ryan either didn't hear her, or was still completely ignoring her. Rather than stopping, he grabbed her other boob with his free hand. Now holding both of them at once, he began kneading his fingers into the soft mounds, earning him more satisfying squeaks from the lunar princess.

Just as she was about to plead with him again, he took one of her nipples into his mouth; suckling and nibbling on it once it was past his lips.

Luna threw her head back and moaned loudly, there was no way in holy hell she was going to be able to hold that one back no matter how hard she tried.

With her body now trembling and a growing wet spot in her pants, her mind finally kicked back into gear and she ran for their room as fast as she could.

They were about halfway there when she finally remembered that she was an alicorn. This small realization made her mentally slap herself just seconds before she teleported them into their bed.

Using her magic, her cloths became non-existent and the door to the room locked itself in place so no pony could get in.

She was only seconds away from ravaging Ryan when she realized that he had completely stopped his assault on her. Confusion kicked in and she inspected the human to see that he was fast asleep.

As much as she didn't want to wake him up, she had to. Her lust was calling to her and it's been a little over a week since she has had any release. She needed this.

Luna grabbed his arm and gently started to shake Ryan's sleeping form. "Baby, please, wake up."

He showed no response, just continued staying in the world of slumber.

She shook him again, this time harder. "Come on, you're the one who started this!"

His eyes just barely opened, earning him a bright smile from the mare. That smile quickly faded as he rolled over to face the other side of the room and began drifting off once again.

"Ryan? Ryan!" She started yelling out desperately, leaning over to shake him much more aggressively. "Wake up, dammit. You can't leave me like this!"

"Yes..." He muttered with a slight lisp. Being just loud enough for her to hear. "Yes I can."

Luna stopped shaking him and plopped her rear down onto the bed as she started pouting like a puppy. "You're such a dick!"

Author's Notes:

I originally intended for this chapter to be much more serious, but honestly, I liked this version much better. Plus it made more sense. I'll add some other bullshit major conflict for later.