Chapter 2: The Magic of Pot...tery

“Okay… No… no… This is fine…Everything is fine…” Sunset uttered to herself as she flapped her new wings and wobbled erratically over the balcony of Twilight’s castle. “Totally… totally-wa- fine!”

“Sunset!” Starlight called out from down below. “Are you doing alright?!”

“Fine! Totally… totally…” Sunset looked down at the balcony and slowed down her flapping. “Totally…” Sunset floated down with all the grace and poise of a rock with other, smaller rocks tied to it. “… NOT FINE! NOT FINE! NOT—”

‘THUD!’

Sunset pulled her head in as she hit the crystalline balcony, then rolled across the hard ground until she hit the large table with another ‘thud!’ She stopped with her head on the ground and her legs leaning against the table in between Pinkie and Rarity.

All five ponies present jumped slightly and peered at the fallen alicorn.

“Good heavens!” Rarity exclaimed. “Are you alright?” she asked as she and Pinkie rushed over to help Sunset.

“Yeah!” Pinkie chimed in. “You were all FEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWOOOOOOO KERSPLODE!” she cried as she and Rarity got Sunset back onto her hooves.

“I’m fine…” Sunset said. “Just… just talking the new wings for a test fly.”

Rainbow Dash smirked smugly from across the table. “Don’t worry. Getting a new pair of wings requires loads of practice before you’re upgraded to novice from complete embarrassment.”

Sunset narrowed her eyes. “I see some things are constant across dimensions…”

Rainbow Dash smiled to herself. “Yep! I’m pretty awesome no matter where I am.”

With a turquoise glow and a ‘BAMF’ Sunset was suddenly next to Rainbow Dash staring the pegasus down with a glare as fiery as her mane. “I will bleach your mane and tail in your sleep...” she said in an icy tone.

Rainbow Dash leaned back a bit. “Whoa! I thought Twilight taught you about friendship and stuff!”

“Friends threaten to deface each other in their sleep sometimes!” Sunset said defensively. “Also, why does everyone keep saying that?!” Sunset exclaimed. “Apparently if Twilight tried to teach me about friendship, I’d be trying to figure out how I can use an abatement to get friends.”

The other ponies present stared blankly at Sunset.

Sunset sighed. “It’s a decrease of a payment from a creditor.”

“…”

Pinkie rubbed her hind legs together, producing a sound not unlike a cricket’s.

“You know… if the assets of the debtor or estate are insufficient to meet the payment in full?”

“…”

‘Cricket. Cricket’

“Ugh! READ A BOOK!”

With a sky blue flash and a soft ‘pomf’ Starlight Glimmer appeared on the balcony and trotted inside.

“Anyways,” Rainbow began with an eye roll, “I think we should leave ASAP. I don’t want to miss the Crystalling!”

“But, um, shouldn’t we wait for the invitation?” Fluttershy asked.

Applejack answered, “Frankly, I’m not exactly clear on all the customs and traditions of the Crystal Empire…”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Has… has that ever stopped you all from doing anything before? I mean, I thought you all just sorta winged it–”

Rainbow Dash snickered.

Sunset shot her a glare. “SLEEP! BLEACH! MANE! I mean… when the Crystal Empire first appeared you guys just threw together a celebration based off what you could find in one book.”

“Hehe, oh yeah!” Pinkie exclaimed. “FLUGELHORN!” she cried.

Rainbow Dash smiled proudly. “I beat up Fluttershy with a lance!”

Fluttershy shivered slightly. “Yes… that was a thing that happened…”

Sunset turned to Rainbow Dash, discerning look at the ready. “And you’re proud of that? Beating up Fluttershy is like curbstomping a newborn kitten.”

Fluttershy let out a distressed squeak as she raised her forehooves to her muzzle.

Sunset motioned towards Fluttershy. “There! You see?”

Applejack narrowed her eyes at Sunset and continued, “… Anyhow, I’m not clear on how a Crystalling works at all.”

“What’s a Crystalling?” Starlight asked.

“Well, that’s just it, darling,” Rarity answered. “Princess Cadence and Shining Armor’s baby is due any day, and we’re still not sure.”

Sunset dropped her eyelids as she stared at Rarity.

“The Crystal Empire was gone for a thousand years. A lot of their customs are a bit murky.”

Sunset began glaring at Rarity, a look which Rarity caught.

“Something wrong, Sunset dear?”

“No! Nothing!” Sunset said in an irate tone. “I’m just amazed my presence wasn’t noted with a detailed explanation of who I am and why I’m here at this point.”

“Oh, silly Sunset Shimmer,” Pinkie Pie began, “Twilight already told us that you were a former student of Celestia who had a falling out with your teacher before going to another world where you transformed into one of their kind and assimilated into a local school. Then you slowly started craving attention until it was all you cared about so you started to bully and blackmail the other students for a few years to win various competitions, culminating in getting us five, but another set of us five who live in that dimension, to stop being friends before you came back to steal Twilight’s crown before she followed you to the other world!”

Glaring at Pinkie, Sunset asked, “Are you done?”

Pinkie Pie inhaled a huge gasp of air and continued, “But then the crown ended up being used as a prize for a big school dance where someone is voted princess and Twilight decided to run against you, despite Twilight not being a student or resident of the world or anything!”

Sunset’s forehead wrinkled. “Yeah, that was sorta stra—”

“So you sent your world’s Snips and Snails to record her so you could embarrass her and win the crown for sure, but Twilight united her new friends, who happened to be totally us but from another dimension, to do a big song and dance that totally got everyone rooting for her! After an attempt to frame Twilight failed, you just stole the crown again and used its power which turned you into a demon, but demon you’s rampage was stopped by Twilight and the equivalent to us on that world when we ‘ponied up’ and transformed and THEN we transformed you back into a normal teenaged girl, who was actually a unicorn, but normal on that world as far as anyone could see! Them, based on Twilight’s wishes, our other world counterparts took you in, but the rest of the school still didn’t like you!”

“Seriously! You’re doing that to make me MA—”

“GAAAAAAAAAAASP! And then you had to fight the sirens that were sent to your world by Starswirl the Bearded! These sirens had spooky mind control powers and fed of people angry-bad actions which they could cause with their music! We, the other ‘we’s that is, along with you couldn’t figure out how to beat them at first, and even Twilight, who used a magic book that was linked to a book you have that Celestia gave you opened the mirror portal back up and came through to help, couldn’t quite figure out what was needed to defeat the sirens and meanwhile our, but not ‘our’ our, other ‘our’ our band led by Rainbow Dash was falling apart! When Trixie trapped us so we couldn’t face the sirens, these other wes totally started having it out with each other which only helped the sirens more! You pointed out fighting was what the sirens wanted all along! And when Spike helped free us, you helped Twilight and us understand that it was friendship that was the key to defeating the sirens! With the help of Twilight and the other uses, other we all used the power of music and friendship to transform and created a huge rainbow alicorn to turn the sirens into normal girls as far as anyone could see!”

“REALLY! Are ya done?!”

Pinkie held up a hoof. “No wait, I have one more movie to cover.”

“Movie? What Movi—”

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP! After that the other Twilight Sparkle of that world showed up for a big competition against your school with her school, but she didn’t understand friendship, much like our Twilight Sparkle didn’t when we first met her, and Science!Twi-No! Sci-Twi! Sounds cooler! Well, Sci-Twi was investigating all the magical happenings at your school, she started accidentally stealing the energy of all of the other uses, and then to win the competition her nasty principal pressured her into using the magic, which she did, and with a Sailor Moon style transformation,” –

“Wait… How do you even know what Sailor—”

– “ it turned her into some evil, super-powered version of Twilight, Nega-Twilight! No, wait! I can do better… Midnight Sparkle! Ooooooh, spooky! But then you used the same device to return the powers of harmony to the other Fluttershy, other Rarity, other Applejack—”

“OH MY GOD! REALLY?!”

“—other Rainbow Dash, and other me! Then you used our combined powers to transform yourself into a human alicorn where the, now knowledge and power hungry, Midnight Sparkle and you had an epic beam battle with magic that you almost lost until the other Spike the dog, who could now talk because of the magical device, spoke to Twilight and made her hesitate allowing you to blast her to a world of light where you convinced her to give friendship a chance!”

“I swear you better be…”

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

“SWEET LORD, WHY?!”

“—AAAAAAAAAAAASP! So after that Twilight joined your school to learn more about friendship, our Twilight showed up and was all surprised to herself, and then she told you about her crazy time shenanigans with Starlight Glimmer so you said you would come over here to help Starlight Glimmer for a bit! The end,” Pinkie said, finishing her expositive explanation with a beaming smile so large it made a ‘squee’ sound.

Sunset ground her teeth against each other. “Pinkie, I swear if you ever do something like that again, I will drown you like a sack of dumb puppies.”

Pinkie’s ears flopped down around her head as she whimpered with a pout. Fluttershy let out a slightly horrified cry.

Sunset looked at Fluttershy. “Er… the puppies had terminal puppy cancer and were going to die anyways.”

Fluttershy let out a distressed high pitched squeal.

“Uh… Uh… Did I say cancer? I meant… uh… erm… turbo rabies!”

Fluttershy’s eyes rolled back into her head as she went limp in her chair.

Applejack sighed and shook her head. “Anyways, we know this Crystallin’ has got something’ to do with the new baby.”

Seemingly recovering in an instant, Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared in front of Starlight with a beaming smile on her face. “And a party!” she said excitedly.

“And the crystal heart,” Fluttershy added woozily.

“AND A PARTY!” Pinkie Pie shouted as she popped up next to Fluttershy who attempted to shield herself with a wing.

Rainbow Dash flew up to Starlight. “And some kinda cool energy.”

Pinkie Pie stood on the massive table, throwing up her forehooves as she threw confetti about. “Aaaaaand A PARTY!”

Starlight and Rainbow Dash stared blankly at Pinkie Pie before exchanging a look as Rainbow Dash shrugged.

Sunset shook her head. “Pinkie, literally everyone in the room knows you love parties!” Sunset looked at the other ponies in room. “Seriously, don’t any of you have like… a juice box or something for when she gets overstimulated like this?”

“It’s not hard to understand…” Spike said as he walked in with a room carrying a scroll.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “The Crystalling or Pinkie?”

“The Crystalling, of course!” Spike said. He saw Sunset’s eyebrow and raised her one of his own. “Why are you trying to understand Pinkie?”

“… Okay, you got me there. Dumb question. That one’s on me,” Sunset replied.

Pinkie nodded as she cartwheeled back to her chair. “I’m a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma all inside a flour tortilla that’s fried and smothered with cheese, sour cream, and salsa, alright!”

Spike continued, “Anyways, the crystalling isn’t hard to understand. Most things in the Crystal Empire aren’t.” He unfurled his scroll revealing it to be a drawing of him catching the Crystal Heart. “Like how I’m a big hero there, for example!” he said as he gave his best movie star smile and pointed to the picture.

Spike was met with a series of faces ranging from amused, bemused, and even unamused. Rarity herself stifled a giggle.

Sunset glanced over at Rarity. “Hasn’t Spike saved you specifically on multiple occasions? Geez, rude much?”

Rarity turned to Sunset and gave her an indignant glare. “In my defense, about half of those incidents were caused by Spike. Also, pot calling the kettle much, dear?”

Sunset narrowed her eyes and motioned to herself with a forehoof. “I’m acting this way because half of you seemed to have skipped your meds or brain pills today or something…”

“Not fair!” Pinkie exclaimed. “I took a double dose of brain pills and made sure every pony I know had some too!” she said in an objectionable tone. “Oh, except you Sunset! We just met! Now you may not know this, but I’m an alternative world Pinkie Pie much like the one back on your world, except I’m a pony with strange, sometimes seemingly reality warping—”

Sunset let out a blood-curdling scream and leapt across the tale, her hooves smashing into Pinkie as the two fell into a violent pile of feathers and Sunset’s forehooves hitting Pinkie repeatedly. Pinkie’s face and body fell inward with each impact followed by them practically bouncing back into place with a squeak much like a chew toy.

“OW!”

‘SQUEEK!’

“MERCY!”

‘SQUEEK!’

“AH!”

‘SQUEEK!’

“HOW AM I DOING THAT?!”

Sunset stopped her forehoof mid-thrust. “How are you doing that?”

“Uh… can I continue?” Spike asked. “I mean, I also have crystal pottery that’ll explain the whole Crystalling thing.”

Sunset got off of Pinkie and stood next to the table again, ignoring the glares and looks of concern the others were shooting her. “Wait, you have pottery?! That’s how you’re going to explain this?!”

“Yep!” Spike said as he produced a purple vase with a blue design about the size of himself.

“... The hell did that come from?!” Sunset cried. “You didn’t bring it in with you!”

Pinkie giggle snorted. “Silly Sunset Shimmer! Spike has pockets!”

“IT’S THE SAME SIZE AS HIM!”

Spike chimed in, “Actually, I just left the vase here under the table because I thought it’d make a good visual aid since I figured we’d be talking about the Crystalling today.”

Sunset thought about this for a moment then sighed. “Proceed…” she said in a consolatory tone.

Spike showed off a side of the vase that depicted a smiling horned stallion standing over a horned mare who looked down lovingly at a swaddled, horned foal all flanked by two guards in armor. “Whenever a baby is born in the Crystal Empire, the parents bring it before the Crystal Heart.” He turned the vase to show the stallion looking at different Crystal shards while guards stood watch. “They get the purest shard of crystal they can find” –Spike turned the vase again showing the stallion and his winged and horned wife in front of a bowing mare with a horn and wings – “then pick a crystaller to present the baby” –Spike turned the vase again, this time it depicted the crystaller holding the bay as the crystal shard shed light on five ponies, all mares, two pegasi, two earth ponies, and one unicorn— “to everypony who comes.” Spike turned the vase again, this time it showed the husband, wife, crystaller, five mares, and the baby in the center under a shining crystal heart. “Then they all share the light and joy they feel,” Spike once again turned the vase, it was the same picture as before but with everyone smiling wide as the crystal heart shined brightly, “feeding it into the crystal that joins with the Heart and increases its power!” Spike motioned to the entire vase. “And this is going to be a royal Crystalling, so pretty much the whole empire will show up. That hasn’t happened in a millennia.”

Sunset’s hoof shot up like a rocket heading straight for space.

“Yes, Sunset,” Spike said as he pointed.

“Question one.”

Several ponies present let out audible groans.

Sunset glared at them. “I’d excuse you all but, this first part concerns pretty much everypony here except Spike and Starlight.”

“Fine, fine!” Rainbow Dash said in a huff. “Let’s get this over with.”

Sunset nodded. “So if this happens every time a baby is born in the Crystal Empire, how is it that this required almost any research?”

“What do you mean, darling?” Rarity asked.

“Okay, so if we assume that because of timing or dark pony magics from Sombra no one wants to think about that this is the first Crystalling since the Empire returned, that still means everyone in the Empire has been to at least one of these, and even though it’s very likely they were too young to remember it, every parent has been to at least two! And let’s not discount the crystallers or family present! And this is an empire we’re talking about! If the Crystal Empire has mating seasons like everywhere else in Equestria, there must be times of the year where the heart is just swarming with parents bringing their newborns, their crystallers, and the extended family and family friends of the parents… and that must go on for WEEKS of just the Crystal Heart turning into some freakin’ Disco Ball—”

Pinkie’s ears perked up. “I’m sorry, did you say something even remotely related to a party?!”

Sunset shot Pinkie a glare. “Easy girl.” She continued, “Because of all this, the Crystal Heart must be strobing non-st-PINKIE! Stop closing and opening the curtains really fast and SIT DOWN! UGH! The Crystal Heart must be going off like a beacon constantly. So pretty much almost everypony in the Crystal Empire must know about this!”

“Er… so what are you saying?” Fluttershy asked, practically shrinking as she addressed the mare with the fiery temper.

“Well, my question is ‘how did most of you know only bits and pieces when talking to any three random ponies on the street of the Crystal Empire should get you a cohesive, complete answer?!’”

Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head embarrassedly. “Well, Sombra did block out a lot of memories, so…”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Twilight told me about how that went down. Apparently ponies started to remember the Crystal Heart and other personal things like their professions, but you expect me to believe they still forgot what has to be one of the most practiced rituals in the entire empire?!”

A veil of embarrassed silence filled the room.

“Okay, okay!” Applejack cried. “Twilight told us all this, but her lecture was boring and we fell asleep during it!”

The other ponies at the table murmured embarrassed admissions of agreement.

“Not me!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “I jumped out a window halfway through!”

Starlight looked at Pinkie in surprise. “You jumped out a window?! Why would you do that?!

From Twilight’s throne, Twilight pointed to a chart depicting a number of labeled Crystals. “Now, a discerning eye can pick out the purest crystal, but if somepony just happens to know Crystal Clear’s spell of crystal clarity, then one will get specific information regarding the atomic structure of the crystals and how closely they match the ideal space between lattices arranged in hexagons, which are determined by the properties of the exact crystal. In this case...”

Pinkie grit her teeth hard, sweat dripping off her forehead as she stared at Twilight’s chart. The chart began to blur as her eyes drifted to the win— No! You can do this Pinkie! You watched paint dry despite a chronically absolute case of ADHD to prove you were the real YOU and… Geez… What a bad idea that was! I mean all it would take for me is a-DOES THAT LITTLE BIRDY OUTSIDE HAVE AN ORANGE STOMACH?! OH MY GOSH! THAT’S SO—

“Pinkie!” Twilight said forcefully. “Are you even paying attention?!”

“AAAAAHHH!” Pinkie cried in a panic as Twilight addressed her. “OH, CELESTIA! DON’T SEND ME TO THE MIRROR POOL!” She leapt off her chair and galloped towards the closed window. “FLY ME TO SAFETY, BIRDY!” Pinkie yelled before she dived through and shattered the closed window.

Twilight cringed as there was a brief sound of a pony plummeting to towards the ground until she heard a noise like a rubber ball hitting solid earth. The bouncing continued for a bit until Pinkie’s voice wafted back into the room. “I’m okay!” Pinkie said. “BUT SOMEPONY BETTER CALL FOR THE LITTLE BIRDY HOSPITAL!” Pinkie shouted up shrilly.

Twilight smacked a hoof against her face and slowly dragged it down past her muzzle. “Right so…” she trailed off as she noticed everypony was fast asleep at the table. Her eyes lingered on Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow!” Twilight shouted irately. “Did you bring a pillow and blankets to my lecture?!”

One of Rainbow’s ears twitched. “… Five more minutes, dad…” she uttered in her sleep.

Pinkie giggled. “It’s a good thing I bounce when I hit the ground!”

Fluttershy let out a sad whimper. “That poor birdy…”

Sunset raised an eyebrow at Pinkie. “Okay… jumping out of windows and expecting birds much, much smaller than a pony to save one aside, was it so hard to admit Twilight bored the rest of you all into unconsciousness?”

Spike smiled happily. “She does that to me all the time! In fact, it was pretty hard to me to get to sleep in my own room at first without Twilight droning on about something or other…” Spike pointed to himself proudly with a thumb claw, “Anyhow, I remembered the Crystalling stuff because I have the vase!”

“Okay, second question,” Sunset continued. “What the heck is up with that vase?! It has like… half a dozen pictographs on it!” She motioned to the vase with a forehoof. “It looks to have room for three… maybe four! How does it even, even?!”

Spike looked at the vase, and turned it around, staring at each new picture that showed up. He looked up Sunset and shrugged. “Magic?” he suggested.

Sunset sighed and shook her head. “Third question. Where did you even get that vase?! It clearly depicts two alicorns who pretty much have to be Twilight and Princess Cadance plus everypony here! It has to be new! Who made the vase?!”

Spike shrugged. “I know a guy… or girl actually… ”

Starlight Glimmer scrunched her brow slightly. “You know a mare who lives in the Crystal Empire and just makes strange, oddly specific, reality-bending pottery?”

“Yeah!” Sunset cheered out. “Preach it, sister!” she said as she thrust a forehoof into the air.

Starlight gave Sunset a sheepish grin.

“Yep,” Spike answered.

“Huh…” Sunset uttered. “With all the hero worship they do over there, I’m surprised you’re not on the vase.”

“Oh, this is about the only piece of pottery I got from my fan that doesn’t have me on it somewhere,” Spike said with a grin. “It’s a good thing I live in a castle, one of the rooms is just full of fragile pottery now.”

Pinkie giggled, “Better not let any bulls or anything like that in there~!”

Spike winced. “Pinkie, I’m sorry but that’s kinda insensitive…”

Spike walked into a crystalline room full of thin pedestals with small bases all topped with large surfaces that sported bowls, vases, and other assorted pieces of shaped crystal. As a small crowd of rather large individuals composed of a blue minotaur in a black tie and also several yaks entered the room, Spike motioned out to the pottery collection. “And these are all very fragile crystal items created by a fan of mine in the Crystal Empire and shipped to me with Ponyville mail-mare proof packing material. Each one is hoof-crafted and completely unique.” Spike smiled knowingly as he elbowed a hooved leg of the minotaur. “Bet that gives you some ideas, doesn’t it?”

The owner of the leg looked down at Spike with a glare. Adjusting his tie as his twin, giant horns loomed over Spike. “Iron Will sees exactly what is going on here and does not appreciate being treated like a stereotype! Iron Will will show himself out!” the irate minotaur said as he did an about face and pushed past the small collection of large yaks.

The Yaks all collectively glared at Spike.

“Yaks also offended!” One yak cried in a booming voice. “But Yaks also politely leave instead of smashing crystal pottery because yaks are weirded out by the fact each one has more pictures on it than the surface area should allow.”

“No, wait!” Spike shouted as the yaks also turned and filed out the room. “I’m sorry! Let me make it up to you with a dance off in the pottery room! Jump rope competition?! Jumping jacks!” He hung his head and sighed as he heard a door quietly shut down the hallway. “Now how am I going to” –he air quoted with his claws – “ ‘accidently’ break all these delicious looking crystal stuff so I can eat it?” He paused and stroked his chin thoughtfully. “I wonder if the buffalo would make a trip to Ponyville…”

“Well, that was all of my questions,” Sunset said as she looked around the table. “Any others?”

Starlight looked at Spike. “What do you mean the Crystalling increases the Crystal Heart’s power?”

Spike thought about this for a moment. “The energy it uses to protect the Crystal Empire, I guess,” he said with a shrug.

“Protect it from what?” Starlight asked.

Spike rubbed the back of his head. “I… fell asleep during that part of the lecture… And there’s only so much the person who made the vase could fit on it.”

Sunset smashed a forefoof against her face. “Please tell me we’ve somehow hit a time warp and are almost done with this day!”

“Nope!” Pinkie answered cheerfully. “In fact, if you include the intro, we’re about only a 20th done with everything!”

“Okay, totally bizarre wording of that answer aside, I’m just going to bash my head repeatedly against this table until I’m taken by the sweet release of unconsciousness… or death… whatever.”

“Sunset, no!” Spike shouted as he held up his claws as Starlight gave Sunset a worried look.

Sunset smiled at Spike. “Yes, Spike.”

“Hold up for a minute, would ya?” Spike asked. “I’ve got like a room full of crystal pottery I want to put on the table before you start bashing the heck out of your noggin.”

Sunset let out a long groan before she brought her forehead down on the table with a loud ‘THWACK!’

“No really!” Spike said. “Just give me a minute… two minutes, tops!”

Author's Notes:

Special thanks to Tired Old Man for the idea of ponies falling asleep during Twilight's lecture. And a very special thanks to the The Albinocorn who I totally juked the "Drown you like a sack of dumb puppies" line from. This Sunset Shimmer fic specifically.