Twilight and the Spartan Stallion
Part 4: Spartan Shield vs. Big Macintosh

Wave after wave of Lunar Stallions, curiously none of them pegasi, smashed against Spartan Stallion Shields. Again and again, they were impaled upon their spears. The sheer numbers meant nothing in such a narrows space, thanks to the narrow corridor that was Soresaddle canyon. It wasn’t as though Canterlot could be attacked from any other direction, after all. The place was surrounded by mountains, land-locked, and the port of Mareurotas was miles away. There was no siege on the capital of Equestria without braving Soresaddle canyon, and that meant getting past the Spartan Stallions. Not that anyone ever did. The phalanx was impenetrable by any normal means.

The lull in the attacks, however, did make for a twinge of nervousness. Spartan Shield leapt up upon a rock, spear and shield in hoof. A powerful breeze bannered his crimson cape-scarf as he squinted into the distance. He could see many, many more Lunar Stallions in the distance, just on the other side of the field. Why were they not attacking? “They are testing our mettle, sir!” one stallion turned to look up at him, as though to read his mind. “They know they cannot get past us!”

“Ha’ooh!” Spartan Shield thrust his spear skyward.

“HA’OOH!” The entire force echoed, belting cries of military pride. Soresaddle canyon megaphoned their raised voices, sending the shout towards the enemy like a roll of thunder. The result was an interesting frenzy of activity on the other end. Spartan Shield watched as the frenzy of wild beasts that opposed them made way for something else. He squinted, trying to see better, but the night and the fires nearby made it impossible. They were definitely Lunar Stallions, but— not. Smaller, fancier armor, silvery and bright in the moonlight.

“Whassat…?” a few of the Spartan Stallions murmured to each other. They could see what was coming, but could not make it out. There was a wide, singular line of ponies coming at them. Their hooves thundered across the field, but the number was embarrassingly small. Why, one line of stallions lengthwise could not be more than fifty ponies! What were they up to?

“Maintain position!” Spartan Shield roared, leaping down from his boulder to join them. “Close the phalanx!” In one sure motion, everypony present crouched and planted his hooves, raising his shield and setting his spear.

Suddenly, the oncoming rush of Lunar Stallions skidded to a halt, planted their hooves--- ignited their horns! “UNICORRRRNS!” One stallion shouted, just as the fireworks started. Concussive blasts of fire, arcs of electricity, and flying boulders of stone rushed over the Spartan Stallions like an apocalyptic hailstorm! Spartan saw more than a couple of his soldiers seize up and die, trying to deflect lightning with metal shields.

Kneeling and spinning about to use his momentum, Spartan Shield threw his shield like a heavy discus, across the way and caving in the face of one Lunar Stallion. “TAKE IT TO E-----HM!” He roared like a brilliant bronze lion, rearing up and flailing his hooves like a war horse. The phalanx opened, and the golden wall of the solar guard rushed forward with a shout of viril fury! Spinning shields and spears filled the air as the Lunar unicorns blasted back and forth. Sparkles of frost grew over limbs, arcs of fire scorched hide, and raw electricity jumped from one stallion to the next. Magic. Such a powerful, unpredictable tool. Too bad they were just as mortal as their normal Lunar counterparts. For, when fifty soldiers clash with a little over three hundred, the results are always the same. Annihilation.

By the time silence had fallen over the battlefield once more, there were a little under three hundred Spartan Stallions remaining, and perhaps fifty dead Lunar unicorns. “Recover!” shouted one of the captains. “Shake it off!” They scrambled about, recovering their shields and spears from the dead bodies, shoving aside and stabbing those that weren’t quite dead yet. Spartan Shield’s chest heaved with adrenaline, and he glared across the way. Grinning wide, all of his military prowess standing aside for a bit, he nodded to one of his other captains. “Present—flanks!” he roared with laughter. Instantly every Spartan Stallion broke into laughter. Every single one turned his back on the battlefield, spread his back legs, lifted his tail, and shook his ass at the enemy across the way. The Lunar Stallions got an eyeful of Spartan Stallion ball sacks. The uproarious laughter in Soresaddle canyon carried for miles as they retreated back into the narrow corridor to prepare for the next wave. They would need to try harder than that!

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
1,002 Years Later…
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Spartan Shield walked idly in the marketplace, side-by-side with Twilight Sparkle. “Well at least the markets do not look very different.” He mumbled, looking around. Twilight had convinced him to leave his helm off so he didn’t look so intimidating. When he’d argued that he liked to look intimidating, she’d glared him into submission and reminded him that ‘her Shining Immortal Majesty’ had ordered him to study their culture. That meant blending in. Nopony except the solar guards on some of the corners wore helms over their faces, and they were the police force of Ponyville. He’d begrudgingly agreed, tying his helm to his side with leather string. It bounced against his flank a little, but his head and face were now in full few. Twilight would have to work on the armor and other bits later. The helm was a good start. “Maybe we can find some food?” he asked, looking over and down at her.

“I know just the pony to talk to.” Twilight said, smiling broadly. They walked quickly and with purpose, which Spartan Shield liked, across the market and to an apple stand. Behind it was a bored-looking, barrel-chested red stallion that was actually big enough to look at Spartan Shield eye to eye. “Big Macintosh, hey!”

Big Mac smiled mutely, bobbing his head before spotting Spartan Shield. Well then, wasn’t he a bigg’un? He blinked a few times, and the two stallions stared at each other for a long time. “Finally!” Spartan Shield roared, pushing back at his spear a little and leaning across the counter at him. “I thought perhaps this town was all mares. I had not seen a finer specimen since I emerged in Canterlot!” he thrust a powerful arm around Twilight Sparkle. “Clearly the agoge is still alive if this tiny town produces fine stallions like this one!” Big Mac didn’t know whether to be insulted for Ponyville, or flattered for himself. Maybe both? He felt himself getting poked in the chest by a hoof that matched the size of his own. “Finely-chested, muscled, and upright. Excellent posture!” Well, wasn’t he friendly? The draft horse continued to stare at him for awhile while he walked quick circles around him, carting Twilight along for the ride until she thrust away from him with a nervous giggle.

“W-well yes, h-he's very impressive." She smiled apologetically at the apple stallion. "This is Big Macintosh, like I said.” Twilight coughed a little, having stopped in front of the stand. “Big Mac, can we get some apples? I’m showing my friend around town.” She gestured.

“Eeyu-!”

“Sure thing, Twi-ligh’!” Applebloom POPPED out from behind the counter like a jack-in-the-box. Twilight startled a little, but then smiled. Of course she was there. It was the weekend, so no school. Big Mac would want to take her to market to continue teaching her about the apple family way of life. “How many you need?” she said, bringing up a small basket of red delicious, golden delicious, and a single zap-apple preserved in a sealed jar.

Spartan Shield finally stopped yammering about how impressive Big Macintosh was, and stopped to peer at the merchandise as well. “Twilight Sparkle.” He said, jabbing a hoof at the jar. “This apple is all colors. Why?”

“It’s a zap apple, mister!” Applebloom piped, smiling and pushing the jar his way. “This one is preserved in the jar, air tight! It’s even got a spell on it so it don’t rot like normal! Just as good as the day it was picked.”

“Hush child, the adults are talking.” He shoved her rather rudely off the counter and back behind the stand. She yelped, hitting the ground with a bump. A deep and gurgling growl emerged from Big Macintosh’s chest and he scowled angrily.

“Hey now!” Twilight said, frowning at him. “Don’t push foals around!”

“How will she grow strong if not treated roughly?” he said dismissively, leaning over the golden delicious basket. “She is a filly, not headed for an agoge. She must be taught to deal with those more powerful than her somehow!” There was that word again. Agoge. Twilight didn’t know what it meant. It seemed that his archaic vocabulary was intruding on their lives again. Probably another long-forgotten concept that had no place in modern Equestria.

“Y’didn’t hafta shove me like that!” Applebloom said, hopping bravely up onto the stand to glare at the mean stallion directly. He eyed her with a scowl, leaning closer until their muzzles almost touched. “Dun make me sic mah big brother on you!” she danced about on her four hooves like she was getting ready for a boxing match.

“You’ve a lot of bravery, foal,” his massive hoof came up and SHOVED her again off of the stand. She cart-wheeled backward with a cry, off the stand, hitting the ground again. “And a lot of mouth.” He leaned forward to see if she would get up just as quickly as last time. Sure enough, she sprang back up on her hooves like she was made of rubber. He grinned despite himself. A healthy foal in this modern era. A good sign compared to all the laziness and oddities he’d seen in Canter—

SUCKERHOOF’D!

Spartan Shield roared as he fell back over himself and hit the ground squarely on his back, holding his face. Twilight Sparkle yelped, jittering aside. Recovering quickly, he looked up to see the massive red stallion emerging from behind his apple stand, glaring up a storm. Hot air snorted out of his muzzle and he started forward with angry purpose. Rising to the rather blatant challenge, the war pony charged at him with a shout!

“Wait! No!” Twilight shrieked as they met with an audible thud of muscle on muscle. Both stallions reared up, flailing their hooves wildly. Ponies stopped to stare, making a big circle to see the spectacle. Tumbling, wrestling, biting, roaring, they disappeared into a cloud of violence that swept across the market place! Ponies shrieked and galloped out of the way, not wanting to be caught up in the violence. “Give it to ‘em! Give it to ‘em! Give it to ‘em, Big Mac!” Applebloom shouted, bouncing like a yapping Chihuahua on the apple stand. “Show ‘im what fer!” Twilight snatched the filly up, backing off a bit to make way for the shitstorm.

Carrot Top let out a cry when her carrot stand was crushed in the flurry of violence as Big Mac was pitched over it. His sheer weight smashed the stand like cardboard, and the ripple of muscle as he got up again sent shards of wood in all directions. “My carrots!”

Spartan Shield crashed hard into an egg stand, rushing to his hooves with two yolks over his eyes. He shook them out just in time to get rammed in the chest by the crown of Big Mac’s head, and grunted in the recoil. Grabbing the crimson stallion by the shoulders he hauled him down with him, and they knocked over a streetlight in the process. It fell with an explosion of glass, sending panicking ponies every which way as the titans clashed. So focused on each other, they didn’t hear the gold-armored police force rushing to stop them.

Splat-SPLAT!

Big Macintosh stopped his power struggle of locked hooves with Spartan Shield, looking over his shoulder at his flank. There was a pie on his cutie mark, the underside of the tin marked with a solar guard’s insignia. Spartan Shield looked at his ribs, where he too had been hit with a confection. What silliness was th… wait… he felt… funny… w’uhhh… Big Mac felt the weaponized sugar take hold, and his eyes began to roll into his head. The crimson stallion fell across the chest of the Spartan one, who wiggled weakly before going still himself. The titanic draft horses fell into sugar comas with a simultaneous pair of moans, knocked out.

“Yeah, you boys just take a nice long nap now. Gooo-d.” said the leader of the gathering of five solar guards. “I think you’ve done enough for the day.” He turned his head a little. “Don’t worry citizens, it’s over. Return to your business.” He said reassuringly. He ordered his comrades to arrest the pair of them and take them to jail.

=-----=-----=-----=-----=

Spartan Shield moaned, rubbing his eyes. The world swam. Where was he? He saw lines… neigh, bars. He was in a jail cell. He flopped over, upright, then instantly regretted it and fell on his side. “Oh good, you’re awake. It’s almost dark, I was about to leave.” Twilight Sparkle was sitting outside the jail cell with a book in front of her. He looked around, then found his shield and spear gone. “Of course they took your weapons. You’re in jail.” She reminded him, gesturing around. “Brawling in the street tends to do that.” She scolded. “I even had to take Applebloom home and explain why her brother was in jail for brawling, today.”

“Er…” he said, turning his ears back. Well, when she put it that way… but, his Spartan pride was on the line, it wasn’t as though he was going to let that fruit vendor just wail on him, right? He tried to justify it in his mind, but in the end he knew Twilight Sparkle correct. It really was just brawling in the street. How dishonorable… he looked to his right and saw the scowling form of Big Macintosh, lying on his belly in his own separate cell.

“Listen, now that I know you’re both okay I’m going home for the night. It’s your own fault, but it looks like you’re both spending the night here.” Twilight told them, marking her place in her book and stuffing it in her saddle. “Think about what you did, huh? Fighting like a pair of schoolyard colts!” her words wounded them more than the tranquilizer pies had, and the stallions looked at each other. The purple mare stormed out, making sure to slam the door nice and hard. They heard the iron key turn, and they were plunged into silence.

There was a long, hour-long silence between the two. They were the only ones in the cell block, and they had a perfect view of each other. No privacy. The only sound was of one or the other of them chewing on the hay that doubled as bedding for them. Spartan Shield felt the bruises he’d received from his fellow in the other cell, and could see more than a couple of dark marks under his crimson fur as well.

A wry smile began to go across Spartan Shield’s muzzle. “Huh. Huh-huh.” He began to chuckle a little, and Big Macintosh looked over at him. “Hahaha!” he threw his head back suddenly, going to the bars and pressing his face at Big Mac. “We must’ve smashed half a dozen food stands!” The red draft horse looked at him like he’d gone mad. “You’re very strong, Big Macintosh! I like that! Thy muscle is reassuring after all the strangeness that I’ve seen thus far! There are still powerful stallions in Equestria! We shalt wrestle again soon, I hope!”

Big Mac blinked at him mutely. Well, it HAD been a long time since he’d had a good scuffle with anypony. His sheer size kept most from wanting to fight with him, and the muscle of the other grown members of his family tended to aid him like an additional blanket. But he, the biggest stallion of Ponyville, now seemed to have someone roughly his size! Not only that, but they’d both gotten a serious workout beating the buh-jeezus out of each other. There was a sort of twisted male bonding to be had in a hoof-fight… er… brawl… er… whatever Twilight wanted to call it. It had been forever since his hooves had struck anything but rocks out in the fields. A small, rather wry smile rose on Big Mac’s face. With all the anger out of his system, and Applebloom’s honor defended, there wasn’t much bad blood between them no more, right? His chest began to work itself in a quiet, deep chuckling sound.

=-----=-----=-----=-----=

That night Twilight bent over a thick book titled The Wonders of Ancient Equestria. She’d been doing research on Spartan Stallions all day, ever since the brawl between he and Big Mac. What was that word he’d used again… ah! Agoge! She’d found it. Licking her lips and furrowing her brow, she read aloud. “Agoge… a word that means 'abduction', 'seizure', 'training'... and 'guiding'. In the Spartan Stallion way of upbringing, it implies the snatching of a seven year-old colt. Dear Celestia!” Twilight gasped, her hoof rushing to her mouth. Quickly, she leaned and read on, “The snatching of a seven year-old colt, and throwing him with a group of others his age into the wilderness to fend for themselves until age fifteen. Upon his return, if he should survive, the agoge would continue with military training and education until age twenty-one… at which point the Spartan would be considered a full citizen of the nation and a grown stallion. This gave them the right to vote, own land, and perform any other actions that required Equestrian citizenship.” She slumped back in her chair, completely stunned. “What did I just read?!” she clutched at her head a little. “Who could raise a colt that way?! It would turn him into a monster!” Or a self-sufficient, handsome and powerful warrior, said a little voice in her head. She slammed the book closed, casting the thought quickly from her head and trying to ignore the heat in her face.

End of Part 4