When I first planned my daring escape from one of the most... moderately well-guarded prisons in all of Equestria. At no point did I take into consideration that my emergency teleport to freedom, would result in my person being sent tumbling across a vile puke-green carpet, nearly getting set alight by several poorly placed candles and rolling headfirst into what appeared to be a second-hoof dresser. As I'd told Shining Ass-hat mere hours ago, I know a thing or two about interior design.
I have the strangest hobbies.

Of course, by the laws of comedy, a lamp fell over which knocked over a series of picture frames which hit a vase which promptly fell on my head. Hilarious.

xxx

I regained consciousness several hours later in a daze. Rubbing my now bandaged and wildly throbbing forehead, I found that I'd been moved away from the decrepit dresser to a maroon couch that looked as though it'd seen its fair share of nights in a dank back alley.
Having lived on the street for the better part of a year before I'd truly honed my craft, I can confirm that an abandoned couch makes for a excellent bed. Although in my experience the couch was either taken by another homeless bum or infested with parasites. And believe you me, I have zero tolerance for anything that's small and feeds on me in my sleep. Little jumping bastards.

The apartment I found myself in was well-lived if nothing else. From my place on the stained maroon couch, the wall it faced had a black box with wires coming out that fed into the wall, and a small wooden coffee table. Ahead of me was a door and the dresser I'd crashed into; not one of my more grandiose entrances. Also a ring of black dust on the floor with an all too familiar symbol in the middle. A sun split in half. My sisters cutie mark, which was also the back portion of mine. Though mine had a broken heart over it; so clearly whatever ritual had been performed, I think I could guess whom the caster might be.
The area behind the couch was where the place really opened up; pictures on the walls, a cabinet full of drawers and more pictures on top. A hallway with multiple doors on both sides and most unique, an open kitchen with a breakfast bar and stools separating one room for the other.

Again, I'm an interior design whore. And yet that's still not my weirdest kink.
'...'
'...'
This place could really use some flowers. Maybe that's what the vase was for?

Even more surprising was the well dressed monkey that walked in from the hall; I maybe would have noticed that earlier, but you know... the room and all. And it was holding an ice pack in its... hands? So I guess its a very considerate monkey. Oddly enough, the monkey looked equally surprised to see me. Or at least it did for a moment before it barreled over the couch and ungracefully dived onto me... for a hug? Strange, most animals usually run away when they see me.

"Light; Oh Celestia I'm so happy to see you!" And it talks! Less than a minute of consciousness and I'm being hugged by a talking monkey in people clothes. Perhaps that blow to the head got me harder than I thought, or maybe I'm being violated in a cell-block right now and this was just my way of dealing with it. Seems like something my mind would come up with.

The monkey grabbed my face with its doodads and looked straight at me with its big blue shiny eyes. Familiar eyes. Eyes I could swear I've seen before, a long time ago in a distant memory. Like a far forgotten dream drifting along the periferie of my subconscious.
Shakesbeard be damned, I'm the real poet in this monkey house!

"Light, its me Sunny. Remember, your sister?"

By Celestia's tasty flanks; Somepony made a monkey outta my sister!

"Sunset?"

And back to the hugging. At least now it actually meant something, besides the awkwardness of having hugged an ape. My dear sister, here! Alive and well. Ecstatic does not do my attitude in this situation justice. Naturally I returned the hug tenfold. Although something felt... off about it.

"Sunny?! I can't believe it. You're... You're..."

"Here Light! I'm here, and I'm so happy to see you." Indeed she was, underneath this peculiar monkey exterior was my bright eyed and bushy tailed... Wait. Why couldn't I feel my tail? Short answer, it was gone.

Bringing my hooves to my face I was shocked to find my hooves, weren't hooves anymore. And the rest of me?! Don't even get me started on the rest of me! Now as you can probably imagine, my reaction to this was calm, collected, subdued and... your not buying this for one second are you? Alright fine, I freaked the fuck out!

"Now Light, try not to freak out, you see..."

"FUUUUUUCK!" See, told ya.

My fur, almost nonexistent save for a few patches here and there! My glorious red and yellow mane was much shorter at the back, now just a messy clump on my head. My Earth-Pony muscles were almost half their original size. And speaking of half the size, my stallionhood...

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" I've heard of shrinkage when under stress but dear Luna! What kind of sick, horrible, twisted world was this anyway?!

I knocked Sunny to the other side of the couch in my mad scramble to stand, after which I promptly fell flat on my ass. This must have scared her because in her mad dash to get to me, she slipped on the discarded ice pack, fell forward and unfortunately, knocked me right in the bandage. Breaking out of prison has always been a headache for me but this was just too much.

xxx

(STOLEN) From the Journal of Prince Princey Shining Armor (12/15/03:AN)

Dear Journal: Would it be safe to call this day the biggest failure in my military career? Given the many failings I have had to live with under my belt, it would be a particularly bold claim.
What with the 'Changeling Invasion of Canterlot' taking place at my wedding.
My almost marrying a Changeling Queen during the aforementioned wedding.
Not realizing my fiancee had been abducted before the wedding.
Allowing my sister to be ponynapped by said Queen near the wedding.
... Basically allot of bad things befell my wedding day.

And that's not getting into the times the Crystal Empire almost fell; the audience almost getting crushed during the Equestria Games and losing my magic to Tirek and that traitorous Discord! With all that in mind; its hard not to question my real worth as a leader.
I knew what I was getting into when I chose to pursue a relationship with Cadance, and yet... Sometimes I wonder if I'm really capable of handling the role I've been given. I mean really? Me? A prince? I never asked for this yet I knew it would be something I'd have to deal with.
In my hooves I hold the lives of not just a city of ponies, but an entire pony race. Almost an endangered species even!
The crystal ponies depend on mine and Cadance's leadership. So why is it that when I took the responsibility of returning one of Equestria's worst criminals, I let him escape!

Not on purpose you understand. But it was long after we had collected and completed the offenders psych-profile that he had made his escape. A feat that we are still attempting to understand. The perpetrator quite literally vanished in a black haze, that means magic was involved and powerful magics at that. A situation made all the more confusing simply because the perp in question, is an Earth-Pony.
Their strength may be unparalleled, but an escape from magic restrictive shackles, in a dungeon made of crystal, underground! Such a manoeuvre has never been achieved before.

Our in-court mages scoured the interrogation room within which he had been held, from top to bottom. But unfortunately, whatever traces of magical residue they had found were, for lack of a better term, completely alien to them. Were it not for common sense, our mages would likely have spend the past three hours debating the existence of life and magic beyond the stars. Fortunately for all concerned, that didn't happen.

The prisoner in question... 'Daylight Shimmer'; Many a mares own personal demon. Had been, and I'm ashamed to admit this, a fellow student at Canterlot Academy, the high-school I attended many years ago. Even now, I still remember the way he used to treat anypony that got too close. I think that was probably the reason the thugs of the school turned their attention on me and my friends back in the day. They tried some of their tricks on Shimmer at first and... well, lets just say they wouldn't try a stunt like that again. A stay in Canterlot General gives a pony ample time to think, but for whatever reason, be it fear or otherwise, they never turned him in.

I don't know if Daylight kept up this wall of his to protect himself, maybe because of his home life, or to stay strong for his sister. Really, who could say? Whatever the case may be; the same day his cutie mark sprouted up on his flank, was the day his life as a somewhat innocent pony came to an end. A heart, cracked in half and surrounded by a blazing sun of red and yellow. Identical to his sister's actually.
Cutie marks have always stood for what a pony is best suited for. I protect those in need. Cadance embodies love itself. Twilight is a master of magic and Celestia raises the sun that keeps our world alive. All important and all for the good of everypony. But his mark? A broken heart within his sisters cutie-mark? What could it mean?

Before his escape, I asked Daylight why he believes ponies who follow Princess Celestia's rules need ponies who break them. He disappeared before he could answer. The guy acts as though ponies like myself and Twilight are no better then those we punish. Taking a stance against the Elements of Harmony being used on the likes of Discord and Nightmare Moon I can sort of understand. Even to Celestia the effects that the Elements have on those they are used against are still a source of mystery even to this day, hence why they are treated as a last resort. But then he brought up ponies that, in his eyes, have been wronged by, as he put it, my kind.
I've decided to dig a little deeper into the mares he mentioned to me, if nothing else, to sate my curiosity. If ponies were suffering due to the actions of either myself or ponies I know, ponies who I might add, I would never accuse of such things without good reason. It is my duty as both a guard and a prince of Equestria to see that these claims of crimes, are investigated and resolved. And while I have my doubts given where these claims originated, a little side investigation couldn't hurt.

In the mean time, the Crystal Guard will continue their search throughout the Empire to find and recapture the escapee as well as any who may have aided in his escape.

It has been a long day, and I'm tired.
You know, its funny really. Today was the first day I'd actually spoken to Daylight Shimmer. He has a Trottingham accent. I never would have guessed.

xxx

Waking up the familiar strangle hold of Deja-vu, I once again found myself on the couch in what I could only assume was my sisters apartment. Either that or it's her boyfriend's place? Dear Luna I hope not! I don't wanna kill anyone yet, I just got here. Or perhaps her girlfriend? Annnnnd that's taking me down a bad train of thought; I don't need to be thinking of my sister crouched over another weird monkey-girl-thing, all sweaty and moaning and thrusting and... No! Fuck you brain, think of something else! Quick!

... I should repaint this place, I'm thinking a nice ocean blue with some laminate flooring. Maybe rip out this dirty old carpeting and... Really gods above, I couldn't get a cutie-mark in design?! No, instead I get a mark that looks more like a prison tattoo.
Funny, I never actually got one of those. I was never in there long enough to find out how.

I must say though, when you look past the chipped white ceiling and the stained furniture the place was actually kind of cosy. Not that it matters much, as soon as Sunset comes back from wherever she's disappeared to, we can port back to the real Equestria and from there its back to the retirement plan. Sandy beaches, here we come. Maybe we'll party in the Ibex Nation? Or heck, we could stop off in Zebrica. I never did make it with a Giraffe, always chickened out at the last minute, they're just so tall... but damn they have some fine legs.

Speaking of which; I didn't notice before, what with the whole body horror moment and all, but I'm wearing clothes. Which is especially weird considering I wasn't wearing any when I was ported here. Did Sunny put these on me? Or does her spell come with added modesty?
After a few agonizing minutes I was able to stand upright without falling. Hazarding a feel of my head, I noticed that my bandage had been replaced. That was nice of her.
Now as for these clothes, judging by my reflection in the kitchen mirror. My face... is still gorgeous. Though my hair was an unruly mess.
I wore some fancy black shoes, I could only imagine what my back hooves looked like for such weirdly shaped shoes. Black pants and a matching black vest over a white shirt. A red tie, which I loosened bloody fast, I'm allot of things but I'm no stiff. And a tan duster coat over it all. With a small version of my cutie-mark on both collars?
How strange. I mean really, why did I just self-explain everything I was wearing? It seemed important before but now, kinda pointless. Maybe Armor was right, I do need help.

Nah.

I heard somepony yawn as a door opened somewhere down the hall. Sunset stumbled around the corner of the kitchen entrance, rubbing her tired eyes; gone were her black jacket and other clothes, instead she wore what appeared to be thin purple pajamas and... bunny slippers.
All with her cutie-mark on them... seriously what the fuck? Why does everything we wear have our marks on them? This is starting to bother me.

Sunset blinked her red bloodshot eyes a couple times, before they grew wide and she dashed right at me.

"Wait!" I threw my arms out in defense, awaiting the possible head trauma that could follow. Apparently Sunset got the message as she ground to a halt less than two steps in front of me. "Before we get back the teary hugs and memories of times long since past, please try to avoid the head. Mom and dad always said I was thick skulled, but even the heaviest wall must yield eventually."

Sunset awkwardly took a step back and held her arms around her waist, looking away.

"I'm sorry."

Well shit. How could I resist that forlorn puppy dog expression? Call me sappy but... yeah I hugged her. Which she was happy to return.

"Meh, don't worry about it. You headbutt about as hard as dad, and that guys got a skull made of glass." Its true, one time in a fit of whisky fueled rage, the git tried to butt heads with me and knocked himself out. I'd be angrier about that, except I stole his wallet afterwards. Bought myself a carton of smokes and a lady-boy hooker. Yes I said Lady-boy, believe me I didn't know at the time. Worst Pranksgiving Ever.

"Lets not talk about dad... or mom actually." I could agree with that, the less said about them, the better. "Six years of hell before I moved into the castle, even longer for you."

What is 'hell'?

"And now here you are Sunny; all grown up and pretty as ever. Kinda surprised you look 'this' different but hey, who am I to judge."
Sunset looked herself over and then back at me, liked she'd forgotten for a minute that, 'Oh yeah, we're monkeys now.'

"Oh... right. Sorry about that too. You see, when a pony comes to this world, a sort of change happens. Basically our bodies adapt to fit in with the environment and native species. They're called 'Humans' by the way." Wow trippy. Guess I owe that Unicorn in Ponyville a few bits.
"Don't ask about the clothes, I was wearing mine when I arrived here too and I still can't figure out the how and why." Got it, don't ask about the clothes.

"Okay sis, listen. I have a ton of questions so, can we flip through these real fast so we can get back to the whole, 'big hugs and warm memories deal'? Cause that sounds pretty nice about now." Sunset looked up at me and grinned. I hadn't noticed till now, (a phrase I'll probably be using a lot), that Sunny was actually shorter than me. The top of Sunny's head reached my shoulder. Just like old times.

"You got it Light. Quick fire round... Go!" Me and Sunny used to do this all the time back when she was preparing for her entrance exams and I was working hard to not get forced into summer-school. Seriously, Fuck high-school!

"Okay, ummm... How did you get here? To this world I mean."
"Through a magic mirror that lets out at the base of the statue outside my school."

I'll make note of that for later.

"How did you buy an apartment? You must have been only twelve at the youngest when you came here."
"I lived in the high-school for a few months till I turned thirteen and enrolled myself, I brought this place with gems I borrowed from home and sold. I told the landlord I was a midget and he let me rent the place right away. I guess he didn't wanna seem bigoted cause he didn't even ask me for proof of age or anything. Humans are weird when their reputation is on the line."

Not to mention their livelihood. But playing to a ponies... I mean humans fears and weakness. And adapting to a bad situation. Clever girl.

"How did you bring me here?"
"I haven't been able to use my teleport-to-you spell since Celestia put a block on my horn, so I couldn't run off and find you, after you left By The Way," I had a feeling she'd be pissed about that. Still, she seemed to move past it, for now at least. "So instead I reversed the spell. Instead of bringing me to you, it did the opposite. All I needed was a few Equestrian runes, written in black ash. Some candles for focusing and my own personal magic touch."

So there's magic in this world too. Interesting.

"Wait, so you can still do magic without your horn?"
"I get my magic from the power of friendship." Straight faced. She actually said that sentence with a straight face. Please, to whichever all-powerful being is listening, don't let my sister be a believer in harmony. "You see, my friends get their magic in different ways. Pinkie Pie gets it when she's happy. Rainbow Dash when she's excited. Rarity when she's being creative. And so on... but mine comes from when I feel close to my friends... and you, well you're the first friend I ever had."

Why do her friends names sound so familiar? Maybe its the repeated blows to the head, but I could swear I've heard the name 'Rainbow Dash' recently. But in what context?

"Why have you never come home to Equestria?" Let's see if she's being honest.
"I... Oh Light, I'm so ashamed." Great now she's upset again. Way to go, Daylight!

Sunny sank to her knees, burying her head in her hands. "While you were off building better lives for the Zebrican's; I became a bitter and cynical she-demon inside. I ran away from Celestia's teachings and bullied and threatened a whole school when I arrived here." That's my girl.

"Then I betrayed all of Equestria! I stole Princess Twilight's crown and tried to lead an army to attack Equestria. And I turned into a real She-Demon on the outside!" I actually didn't know that part. Gotta say, once again I'm impressed. My baby sister leading an army against Sun-Butt, its almost enough to bring a tear to the eye. Apparently it was enough to bring tears to hers as she bawled into her hands. Tossing aside my own manly pride, I sat on the cold tiled floor and pulled her over to me and naturally Sunny latched on like an octopus. I hate seeing her upset, though I have to admit, I missed feeling needed for something other than a heist or a shake-down.

"And even after everyone I hurt, Twilight still forgave me and cured me with her magic..."

I spaced out after that part.

Twilight Sparkle! Twilight Bucking... no, actually screw the kiddie swears, 'fucking' Sparkle! There we go. Used her magical 'Element of Harmony' bull-shit, on 'My Baby Sister!' I couldn't believe it! Still can't! She brainwashed my sister with fucking rainbow-happy-beams! How dare she! How Dare She! I thought Sunny seemed clingier since I got here, but I didn't get why until now.

"... and without my friends there to support me. I never would've made it. But I promise you, Light. I'll find a way to redeem myself and face Celestia again, somehow... someday."

My sister was always a sweetheart, but she had a bad-girl side that saved her cute little butt more times than I can bare to think. It saved her from being a pushover. It let her stand up to mom and dad during those rare moments when I wasn't there. It gave her the skills to be underhanded and get ahead in the world. That's what was missing. That edge she held before, that drive to be better and improve. Now, she was just this brainwashed monkey with a misguided belief in friendship and harmony. Completely dependent on other people, and without them... she turned into this sad empty shell.

Oh Sunny, what have those harmony worshiping conformists done to you?!

"Bro-bro? Can you ever forgive me?" Oh Luna, she actually held my hooves... I mean hands in hers and looked me straight in the eye. What is this, poorly written community theater?! Well, better start acting. Big smile, and...

"It's alright Sunny. Of course I forgive you. You're my best friend and you always will be. Nothing will change that."
I wasn't lying, but fuck did I ever hate talking like that. I wanted to tell her that she'd had her brains scrambled by her purple mountain majesty... yes that was a fat joke. But I couldn't know what her reaction might be. Discord used to be my idol. The very definition of, 'It's okay to be different. Be who you want to be and not what society tells you to be.' But now, if anypony talks bad about Sparkle-Butt or her friends, the guy reacts like a dog on a leash. Whipped, I guess you could call him. So who knew what Sunny might do. No, this will require a different approach.

As my words sunk in, Sunny leapt into another hug, knocking us both to the floor. Normally I'd be okay with this, but Sunny's deformed state of mind at the hooves of ponies I despise has me too enraged to enjoy the squishy human hug. Took everything I had not to sprout a frown that would give King Sombra the shakes.

"I just can't believe it was all for nothing."

"Huh?" That caught my attention. "What are you talking about?"

"Anon-a-Miss!" Damn! Looks like Sunny's still got some venom after all. She practically spit those words out.

"Is that one of your human phrases?" Her glare at the floor told me... it was not.

"No. She... or he's the one who's... Who's Ruining My Life!" Holy Shattered Ear Drums, Bat-Mane!

"Whoa! Okay calm down Sunny!" I grab her arms and force her to face me. "Now explain to me, slowly and calmly. Who's trying to ruin your life?" Sunny took a deep breath and sat in front of me, cross-legged? How'd she do that?

"Alright... It started about a week ago. You see, ever since Twilight and her friends stopped me and became my friends," Don't vomit, don't frown, just listen. "I've been working hard, day after day to make things right with everyone at the school. Later I'll even tell you about the time I helped stop a group of rampaging sirens."

"I hope you do." I really do. Sounds like a fun weekend.

"Anyway, after the siren incident, people at the school were finally starting to like me, aside from my usual group of friends. I was happy, and I felt so accepted. I was spending more time with my friends and... I didn't feel so alone anymore. But then one day, after a sleepover at Pinkie Pie's house, this... Anon-a-Miss just popped up online and spread a personal secret about our friend Applejack."

Online? What line? And what was the secret? Not that I care, I'm just a sucker for embarrassing secrets.

"After that it only got worse, Anon-a-Miss started spreading secrets and rumors about each of my friends everyday. Then to makes matters worse-er still, the students started sending rumors and secrets about everyone else to Anon-a-Miss."

Blackmail, slander and revenge most foul. Dear Luna, I have got to get a drink with this Anon-a-Miss! Sounds like my kinda human. And I have to say, from a professionals point of view, this is an impressive spiral of self-inflicted, self-indulgent, self-destructive defamation.
Ingenious really, this Anon-a-Miss human, starts the proverbial ball rolling with a few strong talking points and then, when it gains headway, the others outside looking in throw-in their own contributions, most likely seeking to become a part of the drama, to a point where these 'others' are the ones doing the real work. And all Anon-a-Miss has to do is pass it along. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

"And then they all turned the blame on me!"

And now it is no longer brilliant.

"What are you talking about?" Serious face, back on.

"M-My friends, they turned on me. They said... t-they said it was my fault! That I'm the one spreading their secrets. They said I hadn't changed. Light, they accused me of being Anon-a-Miss!" Sunny sobbed into my chest, it took me a minute to register that she'd even hugged me. My previous admiration had been replaced with blinding rage. Some (and lets not beat around the bush here) Dead Mother-Fucker! Had the audacity to blame their crimes on my sister! Fuck no, they did not do that! Nopony could be stupid enough to incur my wrath!

"Now everyone at school hates me! M-misses Cake won't let me in her cafe anymore. Anon-a-Miss is still out there and the worst part is I can't ask Princess Twilight for help, because some students took my journal." Urge to kill, rising! Rising! Rising!

"You were robbed!" How I managed that sentence through my anger shakes I'll never know. Sunny turned away from me, but I wasn't having any of that! I turned her around to face me, I suppose I still retained some of my Earth-Pony strength because she put up very little resistance.

"Sunny! You'd better be completely honest with me! Don't sugar coat it and don't cover for anypony! Now tell me... Did They Hurt You?!" Waiting with bated breath. This is the definition right here.

My guts did a triple somersault as her head slowly rose and fell in a nod.

Looks like I'll have to put those retirement plans on hold... for now.

Author's Notes:

Well that just happened. Now I'm gonna go watch the Civil War trailer again. Does that date this? Meh, who cares.
'Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can...'