As I near the front palace doors, I can hear the shouting of two women coming from inside. Both pony guards stand rigid in their golden armor on either side of the door. I give them a small wave as I climb the steps. One of the voices is clearly Lucretia. Taking the steps two at a time, I fling open the tall, palace doors and see Termin and Lucretia in a heated argument. Termin’s face is dark red, as Lucretia does her best to relax her pose.

Termin shakes her head wildly. “Why would you not want kids?! They’re the most precious thing ever!”

Lucretia is almost on the verge of shaking. I see the look of fear on her face, knowing Termin wasn’t a good person to anger. “I just don’t want to pass on my illness. I’d never want to put a child through that. Then there’s the chance they could gain even more problems by whoever the father is.”

Termin gives her a condescending shrug in response. “Think of everything your parents went through for you! Do you really want to end that massive life journey because your kids would have a disadvantage?!”

Lucretia purses her lips and looks off to the side. “Kids are tons of work. As a soldier, I’m typically taxed as it is. How am I supposed to keep up with even smaller versions of myself? If my armor wasn’t rigged to assist me, I wouldn’t even be able to swing my sword. I just don't have the energy for kids, it's not what I want for myself.”

Lucretia had helped hold a small town of about fifty residents against a tide of Og Nag. They had an engineer there who was a prodigy by far. He had this technique called a “Three to one mechanical advantage.” The idea is that by wrapping any kind of rope around a branch, the amount of force it takes to lift the object tied to the other end of the rope, is cut by a third. This stacks repeatedly until the weight of the rope itself is the final factor. He had created a suit of armor that uses this process, basically meaning that Lucretia gets a decent bonus to her strength using her main muscles.

The entire mechanism was a bit too complex to understand without looking at a blueprint, but Lucretia told me that her swinging muscles are almost entirely supported. When she swings outwards, the cables inside her armor help pull her arm in that same motion. When she lunges, there are a different set of cables in her back, helping her thrust. Her armor also locks up in specific instances, so her entire arm becomes stiff, not relying on her muscles much at all except for a guide of where to go. On top of a hefty supply of Hersaphine cream, she was set for combat, but needed regular supplies of her ointment to stay active.

Termin crosses her arms and sticks her face towards Lucretia. “It doesn’t matter what their disadvantages are in life! Children are a gift! You’d understand if you had any instead of avoiding them! Do you know what it's like watching a smaller version of yourself learn and grow?!”

Lucretia rolls her eyes. “I’m not saying I hate kids, I just don’t want to deal with any of my own. I want the freedom to do as I want. How can I go travel with a bunch of small, needy people who literally rely on me for everything? I get some people are okay with that, but I'm not. Once you have kids, your adult life takes a back seat to their needs.”

Termin relaxes a bit, but her face is still red with small beads of sweat. “You’ll never understand how it feels to work your tail off and watch a tiny person you created, slowly shape themselves into an amazing human being from your life lessons! Have you ever started something completely from the ground up and watch it blossom into something astonishing?!”

Lucretia crosses her arms and leans forward slightly, becoming more bold. “The fact that I, of all people, made it into the Taraskan army is an accomplishment. I don’t need validation from having children!” Termin stomps her foot, clenches her fist and closes her eyes.

“I’m not saying I get validation from children! They’re just...if only you knew what it was like, then you’d understand! People like you don't even try though, you just stereotype!” With that, Termin whirls around and storms down the hallway, doing her best to stifle her tears. Lucretia stares at me with a mix of fear and concern. Before I can say anything, Emeris bolts past me.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on her.” He says casually, while speed-walking down the same hallway Termin went.

Awakening to the wonderful somber of the night, I make my way again to the rooftop. I leave my coat in my room this time, due to the night being a tad hotter than before. The moment my feet meet the smooth, cool stone floor of the roof, I close my eyes and let the breeze swim across my face. In nothing but my black pants, I stroll along the balcony. There was no gorgeous blue pony in sight. I hold the railing with both hands as I carefully examine every tower, hoping to catch her flying to me.

I slouch against the stone railing. Without making a sound, something large and furry collapses gently into my lap. Her mane floods over my legs, tickling my thighs. She looks up at me then carefully taps the end of my nose with her hoof.

“Boop.” She says, then gives me a colossal smile. I stroke her sides, playing with her short fur using my fingertips. She lets out her contented sigh.

“Can you tell me more about Taraska?”

I look down at her and smile. “What do you want to know?”

Luna hums to herself. “What are Taraskan homes like? Let me guess, war related?”

I chuckle quietly while slowly stroking her stomach. “Yep, you guessed it. Each home is meant to double as a small outpost if the city gets attacked. It’s normal for the outside to look stylish, but the inside will always be filled with metal beams and metal walls. The outside is meant to burn away rather quickly, it stops the spread of fire, and saves the occupants assuming they can get enough air and the heat isn’t too bad. We used to have our city constantly raided. Our castle was in the middle of a large, open field, so it was strategical for it to be seized. We also had four different nations surrounding us. Since we never got involved in political issues, they never tried to siege us from far away. It was always infantry. There was no logic in destroying our city if they wanted it as a forward base. So, any house in the city could be used as a temporary post to guard an opening in the wall. The bottom floor is equipped to fight with spears, while the second floor has slits just big enough for archers, but so small that the enemy would have to get lucky to hit someone who's inside. Also, our houses aren’t built into the ground and aren’t very heavy. Get like ten infantry together and they can be pushed over to make a big barricade and even clog a hole in the wall.”

Luna lets out a humorous scoff. “Your entire house doubles as a military guard tower? Don’t you Taraskans have any semblance of family or peace?”

I inhale and lean back against the cold railing. “Well...there’s the Zukafera. Basically, it’s a powerful crossbow at the top of the stairs that’s meant as a last resort. It’s positioned where it can fire out of at least two of the slots upstairs, but its main purpose is to shoot armor-piercing bolts down the stairs. It’s traditional for a family to decorate it, paint it, hang stuff on it during the holidays. It represents a family’s willingness to defend Taraska to the last person. It’s even very normal for a family to continually upgrade the top of the stairs with even more defenses. It’s also a sign of wealth. There was this smug jerk down the road, with this huge manor. The man actually had a friggin forge upstairs to make new weapons with. You believe that crap? He had his home built into a massive boulder. Had it hollowed out for what he needed and everything. There was a huge hole in the top to even let out smoke. Of course, there was a cover to keep out rain water.”

Luna sits up with a dumbfounded look on her face. “Your Hearth’s Warming decoration is a massive armor-piercing crossbow for the whole family to enjoy?! Are you kidding me?!” She acts like she’s motioning to children in front of her.

“Common kids, let’s go decorate the thing we’d use to kill people with our last breath! If you’re super good, you get to paint the bolts that are about to be launched into someone’s sternum!” She gives me a massive shrug and we both fall over laughing. When I stop and think about it, our traditions did get a bit ridiculous when compared to other cultures. Centuries of being at war will do that to you though.

Luna stares off across the landscape, then looks at me with this gut-wrenching sadness.

“Would you mind if we went for a walk? I’d like to show you something.”

I nod, refusing to vocalize my apprehension. Just what did she want? Was I about to be asked to leave? Did something else happen that I don’t know about? The storm in my mind rages as Luna lifts us up and flies us far away. Trees flash by in seconds and soon we’re somewhere I had never seen before. Deep above the woods, I can’t help but gawk. Below us, a strange forest glowed gently with varying colors of green, purple and blue, with the occasional pink.

She sets us down in a small clearing only twenty feet wide. The forest was even more exquisite up close. Every so often, there was a smooth stone bench to sit on that outlined a gentle path. There was nowhere to look without seeing some kind of bush that had neon flowers growing from it. Luna walks up to a dark green bush that had purple glowing flowers. The pedals were six inches long but stuck straight out. It gently illuminated the shrubs around it, bathing them just enough to cast away any fear of the darkness, but still keeping its mystical beauty.

Luna lifts up a flower with her hoof and gently touches it to her nose. A small smile crosses her face as her eyes close.

“This could easily be my favorite place. It requires a spell to see and access it. Without the right knowledge, this place looks like another boring forest. While here, you are unseen by the outside world. Even my sister doesn’t know of it. If you don’t mind, I’d also like to keep it that way.”

I’m able to give her a small nod, but I’m still in shock by the color. I thought I had seen all the beauty Equestria had to offer. Never had I seen anything shine at night besides fire. To my left, a bush with the most exotic roses I had ever seen, sits by itself. Each flower has a glowing red liquid slowly dripping from its pedals. It splashes to the ground silently, then loses its color after a few moments.

Luna is suddenly at my side and points at the bush.

“That one is called the Crying Crimson. Do not ever touch it, as that liquid causes quite the burning itch. It’s not lethal in any way, but you don’t forget about that bush after you’ve backed your flank into it.” She bumps me with her hip and smiles, then looks away suddenly, losing that glowing beam of hers. She walks as slowly as she can, and I stay by her side, saying nothing. Her eyes act as if she’s somewhere very far away, in a place I can never visit.

“Do you remember when you left to take out Zaran’s tanks? When I said you’re not the only one that’s tried to assassinate my sister and usurp the throne?” I nod, remembering how scared I was just walking up to her room. Luna kicks a small rock as we walk.

“A...very very long time ago, Celestia and myself had just liberated Equestria from Discord. Naturally, Celestia took the day shift. I can’t tell you how it feels to have an older sister that metaphorically...and literally outshines you. Every time I did something, all I heard was how Celestia had done something greater. I know they never meant to put me down, but at the time, I was still rather young so that’s how I took it. After so many years...you start to feel worthless. Then there was the added feeling that I can’t complain because you’re a princess, how could you have anything to complain about?!”

Her quote is as mockingly as she can put it.

“Imagine that! Not just feeling like crap, but feeling like you’re not allowed to speak about it! Who the hell would understand being the ignored younger sister in a friggin’ palace?!” Inside my helmet, my jaw drops. After the First Defensive, I had to wear my brown crown. No one knew my pain and there was no point in speaking of it. Everyone blamed me for the failure, so the responses were easily predictable. Luna’s face twitches with rage.

“All I wanted was to be noticed! I wanted somepony to acknowledge what I did for the kingdom! But no! How do you outshine somepony when you’re awake as everypony else is asleep?! They literally couldn’t see what I did and when I told them, there were just respectful nods, followed by praises of my sister!” Luna turns around and kicks a stone pillar with both her hindlegs. It crumples backwards immediately.

“Do you know how it feels to navigate dreams where all you see is pictures of your sister and never of you?! As if experiencing it first-hoof wasn’t enough! Do you think anypony ever thanked me for guiding them in their dreams?!” Her mouth tenses up and she goes back to her painful demeanor.

“That’s...when it all started...the beginning of the end. I got...more than jealous. I started giving ponies nightmares. It wasn’t intentional...at first. I think my powers were just being heavily influenced by my feelings. I was torturing my own citizens in a place they had no control over. It was more than nightmares. I could make them feel whatever I wanted, and I abused it. My sister confronted me over it and I made up some story about this dream monster that I was trying to fight, but she knew better...I had never seen her so...disgusted with me.” Luna sits on the ground and starts crying silently with her head hung as low as it will go. I take a knee and wrap her in both arms. She places a hoof on my left shoulder and nuzzles the top of her head against my neck. She takes several deep breaths, trying to fight her way through the tears.

Her voice was now hysterics and understanding her was like translating an ancient language. “And...and then...she came. It started off as some...black cloud, but it was literally the only friend I had! It assured me that I was justified in how I felt and that the ponies I tormented would slowly start to see the truth! I...I didn’t know back then that...I slowly stopped denying what I was doing. Celestia and I fought all the time! I just laughed in her face or screamed even louder than she did! I just...I wanted somepony to love me!” She shrieks into my ear and buries her face in my chest as she cries. I wrap her in the biggest hug that I can. She rests her forelegs across my arms and sobs.

“I...I thought...the blackness called itself Misera. I thought she was my friend! Every time I’d ask her that maybe I was doing something wrong, she’d assure me that they deserved it! She’d tell me over and over that if they weren't going to respect me, then they should fear me! I hate to admit it, but it...felt so good! It felt amazing to be so...evil! I finally had the control I always wanted!” She stops and cries again. She pulls her head back and I stare into her glassy eyes. She looks down, tries to wipe my coat off with her hoof then sniffles.

“I’m sorry I got your coat all...gross.” I stroke the back of her head and pull her into another hug.

“Its fine. It can be washed. You can keep going...” She winces in my arms and takes a deep breath.

“Then one day...Celestia...she told me enough was enough and threatened to take away my magic. We really got into it. We started throwing objects at each other, then it erupted into her forcing me from the palace! We started fighting with our magic! Something we never did! You never use your magic against others like that! It...was a line I had finally crossed! Of course, she won. While I lied there on the cold floor, panting and my head spinning, she said she was embarrassed of me! That she was ashamed! That she wishes I had never been born! I wandered for a while, then...she came. Misera. She...she told me she could make me so strong, that even Celestia would be forced to acknowledge me as her better! I swear all I wanted was to not be ignored! I didn’t mean for things to escalate so quickly but...Misera joined with me. We...we called ourselves...Nightmare Moon.”

It all made sense now. Luna had been what I was but worse. That’s why she understood. That’s why she gave me so much slack. Luna hunches all four of her legs inwards and starts shaking.

“I...I returned to the castle. Celestia didn’t even recognize me at first. I just...charged in, during a meeting. We exchanged only a few words. She knew what was going on. She begged me to stop, but I just...all I could feel was pain and agony...and hatred! All I could hear was Misera’s wicked lies! Then...as my sister lay broken and defeated on the floor….part of me snapped. I saw what I had done. I...hated myself. My sister summoned the elements...all six of them. When it hit me, I remember thinking one thing: I wish I could just...disappear. The next thing I knew, I was on the moon. Stuck there with no way of returning home. Misera of course left me and wandered on her own. I can’t tell you how many thousands of years had passed, but I saw us and Equestria circle the sun more times than I can count.”

I blink several times in complete awe.

“Wh...wait she banished you to the moon?! And...you’re how old exactly?!” Luna sniffles as hard as she can and looks up at me.

“Well….she wasn’t technically the one that banished me. I felt this strange...warmth in my chest, as if the elements themselves asked me what I wanted. And then they gave it to me. I’m a few milleniums, give or take. I’m not too old for you now, am I?”

My mouth hangs open as I stare into her teal eyes.

“How...how can...how?!” Luna smiles weakly, unsure of how I feel.

“Well we alicorns don’t die of old age. Also, the moon has its own ecosystem. We long thought that it was just a large rock. Who knows, maybe the elements gave me a home there. Planetary travel wasn’t really a thing. I never got a chance to find out.”

I swallow and give her a nod to continue. Luna wipes away a tear with her hoof.

“One day...I don’t know exactly how, but Misera returned. She was so much more powerful. I couldn't hold her back. Alone on my desolate little rock, I had no one to rely on. The old angry thoughts slowly crept back into my mind. Nightmare Moon tore a hole in the fabric of space, and through it, we crossed back into Equestria. We didn’t attack immediately. She wasn’t going to be as foolish this time. We didn’t know it back then, but Celestia knew we were returning. She had six ponies that were destined to use the Equestrian elements of harmony. She intentionally disappeared, knowing that they would learn to master them. Of course...we just assumed she had ran. We knew the only thing that could stop us, were the elements. So, we waited. We followed the ponies, hoping to corrupt them along the way. The idea was that by the time they reached the elements, they would no longer be worthy of wielding them and then we would be free to destroy the elements.” She rests her head against my chest and sighs.

“Of course, we later found out that’s not exactly how the elements work. Once they’ve bonded with their champion, they’re not actual physical things. They also leave some kind of...representation with the bearer. A tiara, a scarf, a necklace, something. But the actual element itself isn’t technically outside. So, when we confronted Twilight and her friends...I got to feel what Misera felt. I experienced the sensation of having your entire existence wiped out. Then I opened my eyes and stared at my sister’s hooves. As I lied there on the stone, unsure of what to say or do...my sister walked up to me. She said we needed to put our differences behind us. She probably thought I was still mad. I just...broke and gave her a hug. I was so glad to be home.” Luna shakes her head and I pull her in closer while stroking the back of her head.

“Even after I was back...they still tend to treat me like a monster. They don’t understand coming back from...that. Celestia found a powerful spell that helped remove most of my memories of being on the moon. Apparently, that long in isolation does things to your mind. She couldn’t erase everything, as most of my life had been spent on that rock, but it helped me recover. I’ve spent every moment since then trying to redeem myself, but it never feels like enough. Sometimes I get angry with my own citizens with how good they have it; blissfully unaware of the things that exist in this world.” She leans out of my arms and gets on all fours. She wipes her eyes dry and smiles at me.

“Thank you for letting me share that. It’s...been a long time since I’ve spoke of it.” I give her a respectful nod.

“I’m glad you told me. I...I don’t know what to say. I can relate, but not exactly…” Luna giggles silently.

“Same here to your...whole situation. I see you trying to be better and I adore that. You don’t just dismiss any criticism I have or any of my concerns. You don’t dodge responsibility, even if you feel that you have your own side of things.” My lips fold in on themselves and my eyes wince uncontrollably. As I nod my own head, I have to suddenly look down, so she can’t see my eyes. She lets out a comforting coo before wrapping her forelegs around my shoulders. As was tradition, it was my turn to cry. My fingers dig into her silky fur. She nuzzles the side of my face furiously, telling me it’s alright.

She holds me for a few minutes, until I’m finally calm. As she looks up to the moon, a solemn expression crosses her face.

“I guess it’s time to go back.” We say nothing as I get to my feet. A blue aura surrounds me, and we fly back to the roof. As we land, my mind can only think of one thing: tell her you love her.

I can’t. The idea of being that vulnerable to someone, I might as well go for a walk without my armor on. That being said, weren’t we basically dating at this point? Even if I met someone else, would they ever compare? Probably not. Could I afford attachments? Don’t I always tell my soldiers to avoid attachments with other soldiers for this very reason?

Luna paws at the ground. “Well...this was really nice. Thank you for telling me so much about Taraska! It’s interesting to learn about a culture so different from ours!” I nod quietly as my eyes bulging. Why can’t I say it? The expression on her face begs me to tell her. She stands there hesitantly not knowing what else to say just like I do. She takes a step forward, her eyes stare into mine. My hands tremble and I have to resist the urge to reach up and place them on her fuzzy cheeks. My stomach turns upside down and I’m left with a complete mental shutdown.

She looks at the ground and that special gleam of hope in her face leaves. Without saying another word, she turns around and hunches to the ground. She leaps into the air and just like that, I had missed my opportunity. She sails back to her special perch without even looking back.