Tumor was happily washing the dishes while Carrot Top was tending to her garden. He looked out the window at her, happy with his new life in this new world. He finished cleaning the dishes and dried his hands before walking outside and kissing her forehead. "How are you doing sweetie?"

She looked up at him with her beautiful green eyes. "I'm fine hun, just finishing up out here." She gasped as she was suddenly lifted into the air and started laughing as her captor spun around in circles. "Stop it, I'm getting dizzy!" She shouted, still laughing as he stopped spinning her. Tumor held her in his arms, still smiling down at her before giving her a tender kiss. After he broke the kiss she hugged him. "I love you, Dale."

Tumor looked down at his hand as he held her, staring at his wedding ring. It had taken a while for them to make something to fit his finger, but he didn't mind. "I..."

Tumor suddenly sat up, screaming at the top of his lungs. He looked around. He was in the basement, sleeping in his make-shift bed. "Holy fuck..." He said to himself as he looked down at his body and saw he was glowing with the color of his energy. After taking a minute to breath and calm himself down the glow faded away. "Worst...dream...ever..." Suddenly the basement door was kicked open and Carrot Top came running to him, stopping right as she got to his sleeping corner.

"What happened? Are you okay?" She asked, obviously worried about him.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just had a bad dream." He explained.

Carrot Top was suddenly calmed down. "Okay...Don't scare me like that. I thought you were hurt."

"Fuck you, ginger bitch."

She frowned in annoyance at him. "Are you going out tonight?"

"I wasn't planning to. Why?" He asked, he could tell something was up.

She closed her eyes and turned away from him. "That's none of your business." She started walking up the stairs but as she was just about to go out the door it slammed shut and she was suddenly lifted into the air by an unseen force and levitated back to Tumor.

Tumor glared daggers at her. "What the fuck are you planning?" He asked in a low tone.

Carrot Top sighed. "If you must know, I have a date. He's coming over tonight and I don't want something happening." She watched as Tumor's expression went from serious to something else. He had a hand over his mouth and it sounded like he was chuckling. "What's so funny?" She asked, feeling slightly offended but not quite knowing why.

"No reason." He said, still holding in his laughter as he released her from his grip and the door opened. "Go on, have f-fun on your date. I'll just stay down here."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Okay?" She turned around and went back up the stair, half expecting the door to close on her again. Surprisingly, it didn't. So she went back to what she was doing earlier. Cleaning the house and decorating it to look romantic. When she finished she did a once over one the room, everything was perfect and with Derpy being out for the night nothing would interrupt her date. She still worried about Tumor coming up and messing everything up, but she really couldn't do a lot about him. All she could do is hope he'll stay true to his word and stay in the basement. She was about to go upstairs to get dressed when she heard a loud bang come from the basement.

"Ow! My fucking toe!"

She sighed and continued her assent. Approximately ten minutes later she came back down to the living room wearing a simple green dress. She had also applied eyes shadow to her face as well as red lipstick. She checked a nearby mirror to make sure everything was in order. Her dress was fine, her make-up was good, and her hair was in tact. She was ready. Just as she finished looking herself over she heard a knock at the door and went to open it.

She smiled as she opened the door. "Glad you could make it, Rocky Road. Come on in."

A brown stallion with white patches on his fur and silver eyes entered the house wearing a white shirt with a brown over coat and tie.

"Don't mind if I do." He was a well-built earth pony that stood just a bit taller than Carrot Top.

"So, shall we get started?" She asked, slightly nervous.

He smiled at her and nodded. "Lead the way." He followed her into the kitchen. It was set up similarly to how Tumor had it a few days ago. She liked how he had done it and decided to mimic it with her own touch. "I love what you've done here."

Carrot Top blushed at his compliment. "It was nothing, really, but I am happy you like it." She walked over to the counter and grabbed the salad bowl she had prepared. After setting it on the table the two took a seat and served themselves, munching away at their meals.

"So, you know what I do. What about you, what do you do for a living?" Rocky asked, taking another bite of his salad after.

Carrot Top stopped eating so she could answer. "Well, I'm self-employed. I grow carrots in my garden and I sell them in the market."

"How's that treating you?" He asked, refraining from eating further.

"Well, it's enough to pay the bills, but thanks to my roommate, Derpy, I'm getting by pretty well." She noticed that he had stopped eating and was getting nervous again. "Is their something wrong with your salad?"

He nodded. "Not at all, I'm just saving room for desert." He said with an odd grin.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I haven't prepared anything for desert." She said. "If you want we can go out and grab something. Is there anything in particular you would like?"

He hummed to himself before walking over to her. "I have something in mind." He placed a hoof on her hind leg and started rubbing it.

She pushed his hoof away, finally catching on to what he was referring to. "I'm sorry, but we just met and I'm really not looking to move that fast."

"Come on, baby. Let's just have a little fun." He said, putting his hoof higher on her leg.

His persistence was starting to make Carrot Top very uncomfortable and she slapped his hoof away this time. "I said no, Rocky!"

Rocky was suddenly wearing an angered expression and grabbed Carrot Top, pulling her out of the chair and throwing her on the ground before pinning her beneath him. "I wasn't asking." He said in a deep angry tone.

Carrot Top struggled under him and tried to break free. "What are you doing? Let me go!"

Rocky put his hoof over her mouth to keep her quiet. "Shut your mouth or I'll beat you dead then fuck you-" He stopped talking as a series of loud bangs echoed through the house. He looked over at a nearby door where the sound to be coming from before facing Carrot Top again. "Who's in there?" He asked, removing his hoof. She didn't answer, which just angered him further. "Who is in there!?" She remained silent. The banging started up again, but this time it was louder. He got up and walked toward the door, turning back to Carrot Top just before he reached it. "You move, I'll end you." He opened the door and walked down into the basement.

Carrot Top watched as he made his decent and the door slammed shut. She got up off of the floor and made her way to the door, pressing her ear to the wood listening as the sound of something being slammed into the walls echoes through the underground room. She backed away as the sound of footsteps came up the stairs. When the door opened she was met with the sight of Tumor, his white shirt was covered in a thick red liquid. "Tumor...what happened?"

"I handled things." He said sternly.

"Tumor, tell me." She pressed.

"Carrot Top. If you keep digging you'll find the answers, but then can you take on the monsters?"

She was about to make him tell her, but after thinking about it she decided that she would rather not know the details. "Okay..."

"So, other than professor Dick-Hole trying to get some of your sweet gam-gams, how was the date?"

She couldn't help but giggle at his words. The way he talked was starting to really grow on her. "Well, it would have been nicer if we could have at least finished the salad I worked on for almost an hour."

"Well, if you let me change shirts real quick I can help you with that. I've been in that fucking basement all day so I haven't really eaten."

"Hey, you're the one who said you wanted to stay." She quickly commented.

"Hey, fuck you." She laughed at him. "You're a bitch, you know that."

"What? You don't like it? Am I not your cup of tea all of a sudden?" She asked jokingly.

"Mother fucker, I don't drink tea. I drink drink patron mixed with lemonade."

It had been over a half an hour since Tumor got changed and started eating with Carrot Top. They were talking a lot, mostly cracking jokes and sharing stories. Carrot Top listened intently as Tumor was wrapping up a story about how he got jumped back before he became a conduit. "And that last punch was when I blacked out and finally managed to achieve orgasm."

Carrot Top spit out the wine she was drinking as she laughed hysterically. "Oh my Celestia! Why?" She asked, still laughing.

"I'd tell you, but I blacked the fuck out. All I know is that when I woke up I was next to the Mexican border with a bunch of stains in my pants." He answered, sipping the wine next to him.

She finally managed to recollect herself and continue the conversation. "Are you sure the stains were in your pants and not on them.

"Hey, fuck you! This is my story."

She giggled and debated asking him something, but wasn't sure how he'd react. "Hey, I've heard all of this stuff about you and where you're from, but what about your family? What were they like?"

He took a moment to think. "Well the only person worth remembering is my grandfather." He said.

"Really? Why is that?"

"He was a great man and very strong despite his age. I'm telling you, that guy had the fucking heart of a lion...and a lifetime ban from the zoo." Carrot Top couldn't help but laugh again, this time falling out of her chair. Tumor looked down at her with a smile on his face. He got out of his chair and helped her get back on her hooves.

She looked up at him, still giddy from her laughing fit. "You know, despite the whole thing with my date, today was a good day. And I owe it all to you."

"I'm great, I know. You don't have to tell me twice. Speaking of your date, I have some trash to take out." He said, pointing at the basement door with his thumb.

Carrot Top nodded, understanding that he needed to take care of the mess. "You go ahead, I think I'm going to take a quick shower." A blush spread across her face as she reached up and grabbed Tumor's shirt, pulling him down so his face was level with hers. She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and then went for the bathroom.

Tumor was stunned silent as she did this, but after she left he got his mind back and got to work with the body in the basement. After a quick bagging and clean up he sneaked his way to the Everfree Forest and took flight. After going on for a few miles he tore open the bag and let the body fall into the trees. "Fetch me their souls!" He yelled. His yelling caught the attention of several timberwolves who charged at the body and started devouring it. "...That was awesome." He disintegrated the bag so the evidence was all gone and flew back home. When he entered the house he looked at the clock and noticed he had only been gone for like five minutes. He shrugged and walked over to the bathroom, walking in despite the mare showering within."

Carrot Top heard Tumor enter and pulled the curtain aside to look out at him. "What are you doing?"

"I gotta take a piss, go back to your shower and stop trying to look at my dick you fucking pervert." Carrot Top Chuckled and went back to her shower. "You know, you look kinda sexy with your mane all wet like that." He said with a laugh.

Carrot Top felt her face go red from his comment, but played it cool. "Who's being the pervert now, huh?"

"You still are." He said as he finished up and zipped his pants.

"How am I being the pervert? You're the one talking about me being sexy."

"Honesty is the best policy."

Her face turned a deeper shade of red. "You're a dick."

"That's just rude. I compliment you and you insult me. Damn, what a bitch."

"Well what are you going to do about it?"

"I'll come in there and kick your ass, that's what!"

Carrot Top saw this as the perfect opportunity to call him out on one of his idle threats. "Yeah right. You don't have the balls." Silence filled the room for a moment as Tumor absorbed what she had said.

"I'm coming in there."

"Make sure to take your clothes off." She smiled victoriously, thinking she had finally beaten Tumor at his own game. That was until the curtain opened and his naked form stepped into the tub and tackled her. She yelped as she was suddenly forced to the tubs floor and held down against her will. "What are you doing?"

"I told you I was going to come in."

"I didn't think you were serious. Why are you naked?"

"You told me to take my cloths off."

She wanted desperately to argue against this, but he was right and she should have known that he was going to follow his word. After thinking about it she started to giggle. "Oh my Celestia, this is almost as bad as the soup tub incident."

Tumor put his fist to his mouth, trying to hold in his own laughter. "Yeah, except when that happened the carrot went back into the gravel." He heard Carrot Top mutter something under her breath. "What was that?"

She looked up at him with wide eyes. "Oh, nothing."

"No, you said something. Tell me" He pressed.

"I said-"

"Tell. Me."

Carrot Top looked up at him with a nervous expression. "I said...I wouldn't mind it...happening again..."

Tumor slowly climbed off of her and sat down on the opposite end of the tub with an odd expression. "You're a fucking freak, you know that."

She covered her face with her hooves, embarrassed that she had actually told him. "I'm sorry, I knew you would react this way. I shouldn't had even said anything." She was going to continue to rant about how stupid she felt but was silenced when Tumor's lips met hers. After he broke the kiss she looked up at him, confused. "W-w-wha?"

He pressed a finger to her lips and shushed her. "You know, it's not considered very gentleman-like to end a date without a kiss. But I wasn't quite feeling it on that one, so how about I try something better." He lowered his head and started kissing down Carrot Top's neck which caused her to shudder slightly and it only got worse as he continued to kiss lower down her body until he reach the lowest part of her waist, eliciting a loud gasp from her.

The next morning Derpy walked through the front door, surprised that her two friends weren't up around the house yet. "Hello? Anypony home?" She was met with silence and decided to look around. She started with the basement, but no one was there. Then the living room and the bathroom; still nothing. It wasn't until she walked into Carrot Top's room that she had finally noticed someone. "Carrot Top? She asked, walking over to the side of the bed. "What are still doing asleep?" She grabbed the blanket and pulled it down. "It's not you to-" She stopped and stared. On the bed laid Tumor, completely naked, and Carrot Top who was wrapped in his arms. "I-uh...umm...huh?" She continued to watch them for a brief moment before backing away towards the door. Just as she was about to close it she saw one of Tumor's hands lift into the air with his middle finger prominently raised at her.

Author's Notes:

I would like to apologize for this chapter jumping away from the usual silliness of the story. I don't know why my mind jumped to making it this way, it just did. I will try to avoid making things like this on for this story.
Now back to our regularly scheduled shits and giggles.