Author's Notes:

Real quick, I just wanted to add that Derpy's voice is yellow
Carrot Top is green
and as time goes on color will change depending on the situation and who is talking. I tried to do my best to explain who is speaking so I apologize if there is any confusion.

Get ready guys, we have quite the adventure today.
I bet we do.
Ha! Sarcasm :P
That was the point...
I know, I'm ruining the fun for you. Deal with it.
Fuck you.
You know you want to ;P
Excuse me, but I'm pretty sure that's my job.
Okay! Before this gets even more disturbing than it already is, how about we get started on answering these questions?
I'm down.
Whatever.
About fucking time.
Akumabrony asked, "Have y'all met the god of chao-NO! No no nononononononono
What?
Nonono no no!
What the fuck was the question?
It doesn't matter! They haven't and they are not going to!
Going to what?
Heh heh, this is gonna be fun :P
nononononono, pleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASE don't make them meet...
I'll think about it
*Pout*
You're so adorkable. Next question!
But I wanna know what they were fucking asking!
I must admit, I am fairly curious as well.
Too damn bad! Twilight, next!
Akumabrony also wanted to know how old the triplets are.
Nineteen.
W-was that like...rehearsed?
Not even a little...
Okay then. Next set of questions comes from Amethyst Blade. Amethyst asked: Jack, when will you have sex...with...Twilight..........??????????????
Is the princess alright? She seems to have fallen into a mesmeric-like state.
I think Amethyst broke her...Anyway, Jack, feel like answering his question?
*Snore*
Tumor...
I'm on it. *Punch*
Ow, bitch!
When are you gonna have sex with Twilight!?
I don't fuck horses!
So you're saying you are in no way attracted to her?
*Smack* Stay the fuck outta my business.
Round One: FIGHT!!!
You see this Amethyst? Are you witnessing what you have done?
BE STILL!!!
*Blink Blink* Princess Luna? What are you doing here?
I am unsure of what it was exactly, but I could feel some strange force pulling me towards you all.
Well it's a good thing you're here, cause I literally just remembered that there's a question on here about you and your sister.
A question???
I'll explain later, just roll with it.
Um...okay?
Good girl! :P
...You sound strangely familiar. Have we met?
Luna, I love you but zip your fucking lips. We got questions to answer. T.Sparkle, read us off.
Okay, next question, same pony. "Carrot, when will you-" *snicker* I'm sorry, let me just. *Clears throat* " when will you *Chuckle* I'm sorry, I can't do this! It's just so ridiculous!
*Reads* Good to know Jack's sense of humor is rubbing off on you. I'll take that *yoink* "Carrot, when will you-BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHA. I CANT SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE! OH GOD!!!
*Grabs* Give me that fucking thing. "Carrot, when will you marries Tumor and makes little foals? I know the two species are actually compatible due to the sort of genetic system that the ponies possess." See, it wasn't that...hard...*double take* Excuse me!?
*Intense blushing* Um...
That's fucking hilarious! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
The thought is quite humorous.
I don't quite understand the joke.
One would have to understand the way Tumor behaves in order to properly elucidate the matter.
Okay! Okay! Let's all just-just calm down. Everybody break for a second. *Collective inhale* Okay, let's...let's go ahead and hear an answer from the Soon-to-be- married couple.
I-I-um-I don't-I...um-you see that, uh...Tumor, help me!
Marriage is evil and, as the incident a few months ago clearly shows, I have a huge problem with children
Okay, now before this conversation can take a dark turn, let's move on to the next question! Twilight?
Once again, same pony, different question.
I already fuckin hate him.
Don't be such a bitch.
So, Amethyst went on to ask: "Tumor, what would you rate your sex session with Carrot Top on the scale of 1-100?"
I'm not sure what I would rate it, but I gotta say; the bitch knows her way around a dick.
*Punch*
Ow! It was a fucking compliment!
You called me a bitch!
Maybe if you'd stop acting like a bitch, I would stop calling you a bitch!
NEXT QUESTION!!!
The next question is for Derpy...wait, Derpy's not-
*Slam*
Ow, my rump!
Found her
Carrot Top? What are you doing here, and why are we in Princess Twilight's castle?
It's a long story, I'll tell you about it later.
Yeah, but for right now someone has a question for you.
For me?
Amethyst asked: "Derpy, do you often have sleepless nights because your two roomates were busy doing each other?"...I'm not sure I want to keep this job as 'The Reader'. It's just...it gets weird.
Too bad! Derpy, answer.
*Sigh* Yes, sometimes they're up aaaaaallllllllllllllll night. Seriously, how are you still alive in the mornings? I'd figure that, by now, every ounce of fluid in your body would be gone.
I'm a bit surprised too...FISH.
Fish?
It's an acronym.
An acronym for what?
Fuck
It
Shit
Happens
...how clever...
Yay, more sarcasm. Next question.
Actually, this isn't a question. Amethyst wants Tumor to meet...Tirek...
And before anyone can intervene *Snaps finger*

Tumor looked around as the area around him faded away. What the fuck? What's happening?

[I'm altering reality, give me a second.]

Who the fuck is Tirek

[An asshole...Okay, that should do it]

The world around him started to become clear and he found himself on top of a strange stone-like structure where and odd silhouette stood locked inside of a cage. Is that a god damn centaur? Tumor asked before a stream of magic started to leak from his body and flow into the mouth of the contained creature. He stumbled slightly, feeling a bit light-headed. Sweetheart, if you were gonna suck me dry you could have at least bought me dinner first.

You fool; wandering in here which such a large collection of magic in your system, that's just-

Oh my god, would you shut the fuck up! Jesus, your voice sounds like a dying old man. It makes me just wanna kick your ugly fucking teeth in!

You dare insult-

Yes, I do dare, you know why? Cause you're a little bitch! Fuck you!

The silhouette started to rapidly grow in size, eventually becoming too large for the cage and causing it to break open. He now stood about as tall as a two-story building. Behold the power of Lord Tirek

Tumor looked off to the side and- Hey buddy, shouldn't you be fighting this guy?

[Uh...what?]

Who are you talking to?

Shut up, bitch! Buy yeah, you're both Lords, so should that mean you guys have to fight in order for one of you to hold that title?

[Uh...you know what?] *Teleports in* Fuck you, Tirek! *Snaps fingers*

*Explodes into tiny meat chunks*

Problem solved.

And I got to just sit back and watch, as planned

Wait...that was just so you could be lazy?

Yeah...

You fucking cunt!

We're back!
*Rubs swollen temple* Prick
So, how did it go?
Tirek soup is on the menu tonight. Okay, now let's drop the bullshit, we still gotta lot of ground to cover. Next question!
Okay, next set of questions come from GameAssassin.
WOOHOO!!!
Let's see...First he's talking about coming in and teach Tumor a lesson and whatnot. Says he would like to make a guest appearance to. That Should be fun!
Fuck you, asshole. How about you stop jerking off to games and get a fucking life!
*Punch* It should, I'll probably talk to him about it once I get that chapter about Sebastian out.
This on goes to Jack, Game asked: "Why do you keep trying to deny what's going on between you and twilight," ...But, there's nothing going on between us...*gulp*, "there's no human chicks, unless you count Tumor" *Chuckle*
Go to hell, faggot.
"but i don't think he'd be a good partner for you, so why persist?"
You heard the mare, there's nothing going on between us.
Yep! Next question *Smiles nervously* Game asked: "How have the princesses been since the authors intervention with Jack in the cage? Also I'm surprised you're inner scientist hasn't gone nuts once in a long arse time, (keeping it pg just for u twi ;) ) you finally grow out of it or is it just on vacation?" Well, first off I would like to thank you for keeping it pg for me, I appreciate it. As for how the princesses have been...
Luna, that's your queue.
Wait, author? Intervention? You're the one who did that!?
Yep :P
You entered the mind of both my sister and I and you controlled us, threatened to kill us, then continued to harass us for several hours!
Although I am the one to blame...I hereby plea 'Not Guilty' by reason of insanity!
*Magical Blast*
Ow...
You have committed crimes punishable by death!
Yes, but remember; although this is your world, I am in control of it. So fuck you! *Hugs* I don't mean to be so rude, believe me! I love you Luna and I always will, I'm just an asshole by nature! *Poof*
Where did he go?
[I'm in the portion of reality where I can only be heard, but not seen nor touched. Ergo, fuck you. Twilight, continue answering the question]
Right. I do by all means have a very scientific mind, however, I have gained much more self-control since my crowning. If I am to help rule over Equestria I can't allow myself to just turn into a crazy psycho-mare at the appearance of every unknown creature that finds its way here.
Excellent job Twilight, you're becoming more mature every day.
Thank you princess. Now, on to the next question Game asked Derpy: "How've you been you lovable muffin lover? Any bullies giving u problems? Also, what do you honestly think about Tumor and Carrot being together?"
I've been good! Just working hard to make sure everypony gets their mail on time. It can be tiring, but it's a nice job. I make a lot of friends. It's not very often that I do meet bullies, but when I do Tumor always swoops in from out of nowhere and gives me a hoof. *Smiles*
[Oh my god, stop being so fucking adorable!]
Hmhmhm. Anyway, I don't mind them being together how they are. I'm just more concerned with what kind of muffins I'll bake for them when he purposes to her. *wink*
I am not purposing to anyone!
We are not getting married!
Get on with the fucking questions!
Is it always like this?
Eeyup, and this is them on a good day.
I can only imagine how they would be otherwise.
No offense to you princess, but trust me. You have no idea what they are capable of, especially on a bad day. Anyway, the next question goes to Sebastian: " What is the utmost extent of your abilities?"
That question would not likely have a definite answer. Any conduit can become more dangerous as long as they are in or surrounded by their element. My element is smoke; I absorb the black clouds left behind from carnage all around. The utmost extent that I have reached on record was when I covered the state of Vermont in a thick black cloud, making all who dwell within it suffocate on the lethal gas.
...why is everything you do so slow and painful?
My element is lethal, but not destructive. I work with what I am given.
Alright...Twilight...
This question goes out to Tumor. Game asked: "Pull the stick out of your arse man, might let you think like a rational human being for once. Anyways, when you gonna move back in with carrot? Also how did you obtain your powers, ray sphere?"
First off, I'll pull the stick outta my ass when your mom gets my dick out of her mouth.
Okay, now you definitely get to be featured in an upcoming chapter.
Secondly, I already have moved back in, I just spend my time in the castle because that's where my brothers usually are. Finally, we got our powers from Cole MacGrath.
After he fucked up 'The Beast' apparently he took it's powers and used them to activate conduits all over the country.
We were at home, we didn't even know.
We were just kids playing around in the yard, then the next thing we knew...
That walking fucking battery came out of nowhere. He just fell from the fucking sky.
We could do not but watch as his body charged with energy which created a large explosion, consuming us all.
We woke up a few hours later laying in a crater.
Our home was gone and so were the lives we used to live...
[Okay! Damn, that was starting to get sad...maybe we should move on.]
I think I agree.
[Let's uh...let's clear out the castle a bit, okay? Luna and Derpy, you guys are free to go.]
*They left and I got to come back as a physical being* Okay. So let's go on to the next question.
The next question goes to Carrot Top. Game asked: "What do you see in Tumor? I'm curious how he could even get someone of the fairer sex to like him."
*Middle finger*
Well, he is kind of an ass all the time, he's rude, he's obnoxious, he doesn't know how to use a filter, and he's overall just a horrible influence one any living thing. Honestly, I'm not sure why I like him. Maybe because of how confident he always is, or because I feel safe whenever he's around. He may be a prick, but from time to time he can be really sweet and helpful, and once you get used to his sense of humor then he's really no different from any other pony I know.
Gay!
Shut the fuck up!
Okay guys, this is the last question. This one goes out to our very own, Lord Evil.
Fuck yeah! Also, quickly, Carrot you're free to go.
*Leaves*
Game asked: "How are you doing man? Was worried you kicked the bucket after the storm. How did you decide to make this hilarious story, any reason in particular or just happened randomly?"
Great questions! I haven't been too bad recently, still suffering a bit from writers block, but I'm working on it, slowly but surely. The storm however, went completely around my area, it was like it was trying to avoid us. As for how I came up with this story...Primarily I do dark stories, they're probably my favorite kind of stories to write. However, I started suffering from writers block and I didn't know how to continue. So I thought 'What if I write a story that's the opposite of dark? Maybe if I write a comedy it'll help get the creative juices flowing again and I'll be able to work on more of my dark content." This story wan't meant to live pass two or three chapters, but here the fuck we are! I'm not upset about it or anything, I'm glad this got to become so popular and it's nice to have a change in pace. Cause I am constantly working on new ideas and chapters for dark stories so this gives me a bit of comedic relief from all of the fucked up shit going through my head that I use to help me make what I make.
You write dark stories?
Yeah, and you die in a few of them.
What!?
I think this is the perfect time to call an end to the Q & A sessions for a while. Thanks for reading, feel free to share this story with your friends and I will see you all later!
*Growl* *Tackles*
Ow, bitch!
You and I are going to talk about this later, but for right now we are busy.
What? You said that was the last question.
It was the last question, but Game requested a number of brief meetings
Oh...okay. Hold on though. *snap*
*poof*
Uh...where the fuck did she go?
Anywhere that isn't here.
Good choice.
Okay, so meetings. We have: Tumor and shining Armour *Snap*
*Poof*
Jack and Discord *Snap*
*Poof*
Then Sebastian and Diamond Ti-Oh, you're a dick...I love it! *Snap*
*Poof*
Alright, I'm actually a bit eager to see how this will go...but who to visit first? That is the question...I think I wanna see how Jack and Discord are getting along real quick. *Poof*

Jack ran around like a maniac in a very interesting dimension with dark skies and no official ground, jumping on randomly floating objects as if they were part of some odd kind of obstacle course. He continued to climb up them until he reached a thick cloud that appeared to be made of cotton candy. Once he reached it his feet caught fire and flew several feet into the air before landing on top of a very interesting looking creature. Of course this creature was the spirit of chaos we all know and love. Shit man, you like a rabbit that crawled under my house and died while hate-fucking a lizard.

I'm sure I do, but at least I'm not a rude, hairless ape. He remarked.

Bitch, I can torch your ass right now if I wanted to!

Oh, so the monkey is going to do a trick? I bet you can juggle too! The spirit laughed at his own joke, acting as if it was one of the funniest jokes in the world.

Jack growled before heating up his hands and five staring Discord's chest, causing him to yelp at the sudden pain.

[Damn, that looks like it'll scar. I wonder how Tumor's doing with Shining Dickhead]

Shining Armour and Tumor were sitting on a balcony upon the castle in the the Crystal Empire. They didn't seem to be doing much more than sitting at a table and talking. As the two spoke a servant arrived, dropping off two steaming cups of coffee. Tumor reached out and grabbed his cup, sipping it lightly.

So let me get this straight, Shining Armour began, you're a human being, a creature that had been in nothing but pony's tales to tell foals. Not only that, but you and your twin brothers were born with a gene that allowed you to have super powers, then you died and woke up here and Twilight pulled your brothers here using your DNA and portal magic?

That's basically the long an short of it. He said, reassuring Shining that what he said was true.

Well, I gotta say, I wouldn't believe that if you weren't sitting here with me. I'd also find it hard to believe that you have powers, but after that light-show you put on back in the city, I'm pretty sure I'd just be making myself look like a fool.

Yeah, sorry about that. I was sent here using...very unnecessary means.

[Hehehehehehe]

So this is our new guest, huh? Came a voice from behind Shining. Twilight had talked about this mare before. The alicorn princess of love, Cadence.

Whatever I broke, I promise...Twilight will pay for it. The group shared a quick laugh.

Shining took a sip of his coffee. Don't worry about it. You said it was an accident and after spending some time with you, I'm almost certain that you're telling the truth. We can take care of it.

Tumor raised his cup. Then allow me to purpose a toast. This one goes out to new friendships; may they remain strong and grow as time marches on.

Shining raised his cup and tapped it against Tumor's. Once that was out of the way the two boys chugged down the bitter liquid and slammed their cups on the table.

[You sly bastard...for those of you who haven't caught on, it looks like he's trying to befriend this royal couple. Likely so that he will be able to use them to weasel out of trouble in the future...They grow up so fast!]

Oh, Cadence! Tumor suddenly shouted, making the princess jump slightly. You're gonna love this! His eyes wandered to Shining You, probably not so much.

Cadence stared blankly at him for a moment, wondering just what it was he was about to tell her. Well, let's hear it

Tumor put on an evil grin as he-[Oh you're a fucking douche!] Twilight's got a little love interest...in my brother.

The couple's eyes widened and their jaws dropped. Tumor just sat completely still with his evil smirk still plastered to his features...

[You're grounded]

[Next stop, Sebastian and the brat...Let's see he-...What???]

Sebastian was sitting outside of Ponyville Elementary. Right beside a large playground was a nice looking wooden bench with a cloth draped over top of it and decorated for a [god damn] tea party. Diamond Tiara was sitting just opposite of him on the bench and poured him a small glass of tea before passing it over to him along with a small bowl of sugar cubes. There you go, sir. I hope you enjoy

He placed three sugar cubes into the cup and let then dissolve slightly before picking up a spoon and stirring it gently. Much appreciation to you, Miss Tiara. I must say that I am a bit surprised at you. For the longest time all I ever retrieved from the vines of information I collect showed much negativity in your direction.

The filly lowered her gaze with a sigh, Yeah, I was pretty awful for a while. Lately though, I've been trying to redeem myself. You know, make up for all of the bad I have done to other ponies. I'm trying to be a better pony. You understand, right?

More than you know child. He replied, I do not doubt that you have created hardships for other, but I promise you that I have done much more unforgivable things. However, you are choosing to stop your 'mean streak' as some may call it, early on. That is very wise and very admirable. The fact that you have managed to catch on to what you've done at such a young age speaks loudly about your intelligence and that you're working to improve yourself and make amends only continues to speak up in your favor.

Thank you, Mister Sebastian She said, earning a nod from the conduit and-[Oh my god! This is so fucking boring!]

[I was hoping he'd scare her or something, but no! She didn't even question his weird demonic voice! What the hell!? Fuck this shit! We are done, goodbye!]