Twilight was having a rather peaceful day today. Jack was being quiet, spike was over at Rarity's, and their were no calls to duty due to her title. However, that all ended when she heard a knocking at her door. She got up and went to answer it, finding Derpy on the other side.

"Hello, Princess!" Derpy said happily.

"Hi, Derpy. What can I do for you?" She asked, wondering if the pony needed her help with something.

"I actually came to drop off a scroll from Celestia." She explained, pulling a scroll out of her bag. "Spike asked me to give it to you."

"Oh?" She grabbed the scroll with her magic, "Thank you, Derpy."

"You're welcome, Twilight." Derpy spread her wings and took off back towards town, leaving Twilight with the message from Celestia.

Twilight closed the door and opened the scroll, reading it aloud;

Dear Twilight

As much as I would love to welcome these new creatures into our world with open hooves, I still find myself being unable to properly trust them living among my subjects. I do not know if their intent on helping us is purely genuine or fine deception. With that in mind I have come up with a small test to see if they really are willing to help us. There have been reports of a dragon that keeps trying to invade Manehattan. You are to take the humans there and have them fight off the dragon and keep it from causing any further damage to the city.

Sincerely Princess Celestia

She put a hoof to her head and started massaging her temple. "Well, that's definitely a thing..." She put the scroll up and went about collecting items for her trip to Manehattan. After loading everything into a saddle bag she grab a single strapped bag that Jack was wearing when he first showed up and levitated it over to him, dropping it onto his head.

Jack grunted at the sudden impact before growling at Twilight. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Get some stuff together, we have a mission."

The three were riding in the back of one of the royal carriages, as per requested by Princess Twilight, discussing what were supposed to be battle strategies but eventually turned into an improv story between the two brothers.

"The dragon then gives birth all over the city..." Jack started, "dropping egg after egg out of it's ass onto the heads of the ponies below it. Then...shit, your turn."

Tumor cleared his throat before continuing his brothers story. "Then, once the eggs hit the ponies, it would explode. Because, as it turns out, they weren't really eggs. They were the egg shells wrapped around small nuclear warheads that, once set off, would kill the nearest pony and turn all of the others into genital eating zombies..." His brother put a hand over his mouth to keep himself from laughing. "Okay, you're up. I'm out of ideas right now." Tumor said between chuckles.

"How about this," Twilight came in with an irritant tone. "Princess Celestia is notified of the chaos so she comes down and destroys the dragon and the zombies. Then after that, she zaps the both of you out of existence. The End."

The brothers glanced at each other in silence before Jack finally spoke up. "Celestia can't stop them, she's still in the castle dungeon with the magic nullifying ring on her horn and getting raped by Abdul, the Minotaur king of butt fetish's." Tumor nodded plainly, confirming the recollected portion of the story.

Twilight facehoofed before being notified by the guards that they were about to land near where Celestia stated the dragon was. They landed just on the outskirts of the city and hopped out of the carriage. "Be on high alert, dragons are very dangerous and very destructive. We need to neutralize him and send him away from here, understood?"

Tumor saluted her sarcastically while Jack flipped her off, earning an annoyed groan from the small purple horse. They started walking around the area, looking for any sign that a dragon might be there. Tumor took to the skies while Twilight and Jack searched the ground, going their separate ways to get a wider range. Strangely enough there weren't anything proving a dragon was even in the area. Their were no caves, not claw prints, nothing. "Hey Twilight!" Tumor yelled, "I think your fucking God horse just trolled us...Bitch."

Twilight didn't want to believe it, but it almost seemed like he was right. "Jack! Did you find something? Anything?"

"Not a god damn thing!" He replied, shouting from the top of a small hill.

She sighed, slightly disappointed that Celestia would send them on a wild goose chase. Had she lost faith in her? She could only wonder. Twilight was snapped out of her thought though when she noticed that the area around her was getting brighter and also a lot warmer. She turned around to find the source of this and was met with a large ball of fire flying at her at great speeds. She gasped and activated a magic force field that protected her from the attack. When the fire died down she looked over at Jack, shouting at him as her blood started to boil. "What the hay, Jack!? Are you trying to kill me!?!?!?"

"That wasn't me you stupid fucking book horse!" He yelled back. At that moment the the world around them seemed to be shifting and moving around. "What the hell?"

They watched as pieces of the area around them seemed to bend as if they were made of rubber and gather up in one spot. Once it had all been gathered it suddenly started to change, revealing itself to be a twelve foot tall purple dragon with long white hair and green eyes.

"Holy shit," Tumor commented, "It's like a fucking chameleon."

Twilight scanned the dragon with her eyes, this one didn't look like most and judging from the thinness of its body as a whole she could only guess that it was female. Her resent studies on dragons didn't go much further than that sadly, so she didn't know much else about how they worked. It didn't seem to matter anyway as her thoughts were suddenly interrupted the shouting of two humans who appeared to be charging the dragon.

Tumor charged down, smashing his skull into the dragon's with a large amount of force. Following up was Jack who launched himself high into the air and covered his fist in fire as he fell and punched the dragon's neck. It roared in pain and spun around, smacking Tumor out of the sky with it's claw and using its tail to smash Jack into the ground. Twilight felt her heart sink and gulped as the dragon faced her with fire in its eyes and quite literally building in its breath. With a deep inhale the dragon unleashed a large wave of fire at Twilight. Twilight was ready to pull up another shield but was appalled to see that the flames were being blocked for her by a wall of red energy. She looked up and saw Tumor dangling from a tree branch by his leg with one arm held out.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" He shouted at her. "Move your ass; Go!"

Twilight nodded and flew away from the battle, taking refuge behind a large boulder not too far away from the fight. The dragon ceased its attack and focused its sights on Tumor. With a powerful flap of its wings its body was launched at him. Tumor quickly sent a pulse through his leg, making the branch holding him shatter. However, he didn't have enough time to escape and soon found himself in the dragons strong grip. The dragon held him tightly in its hands and squeezed with all her might, which strangely wasn't a lot. The dragon started to feel weak and dizzy upon picking him up. As the dragon held him Tumor started sapping the life out of it and using the energy from it to keep his body from exploding in its ridiculously strong claws. The dragon soon realized that he was the reason for this sudden drop in strength and threw him into the ground before stomping on him repeatedly. When there was nothing left but a crater where he was the dragon started looking around for the pony it had seen, but before it could get very far the sound of whistling came from behind it.

"Hey, sweetheart! Over here!" Jack shouted, quickly capturing the beast's attention. "I'm still breathing. So get you big scaly ass over here so I can fuck you up!"

The dragon took another deep breath and blew a steady stream of fire at Jack, however, he did the same in turn. The two blasts of fire collided, creating a large sphere made of flames in the center that seemed to grow in size the more they continued their assault. The dragon was holding its own and managed to keep it in place, but Jack wasn't having any of that. He summoned a great deal of strength from deep within him. Suddenly a large pair of bird wings made of fire appeared on his back. The wings themselves stretch almost a mile long and Jack's stream of fire seemed to become bigger and more concentrated, making the sphere in the center travel closer to the dragon. The beast fought against it as best as it could, but his fire was surely stronger. The sphere soon came into contact with the dragon and exploded, sending it's body flying dozens of feet away towards a large boulder. The overgrown lizard had landed hard and it didn't look like it would be getting back up soon.

Twilight stared at it in shock, it looked like it was merely inches from being dead and she could hear Jack's sick war cry as he started to sprint over and finish the job. Twilight stopped him though by encasing him in a magical bubble just as he had reached the defeated creature. "That's enough Jack! You don't need to fight it any more."

"Like hell I don't! We were sent here to take care of the dragon problem and that's exactly what I'm doing!" He fought, beating his fire covered fists into the magical prison he was being held in.

"We were sent to take care of the problem, not to kill a dragon who doesn't know any better!"

"Excuse me..." They both froze as the strangely feminine voice seemed to come from straight out of nowhere. hat is, until they looked back at the dragon who was pulling itself off of the ground. "I didn't know that I was bothering anyone...I was just trying to make some friends..."

Jack stared at the dragon with a slack jaw. "You have got to be fucking kidding me..."

After almost an hour of talking, and taking a few moments to dig Tumor out of the dirt, the three started to get to know this dragon a bit more. Apparently she wasn't here to cause problems, she was just looking to get away from the greedy dragon culture and make some pony friends. "Ponies live so peacefully and they can be so kind to each other, but that's just not how dragons are. So I ran away in search of something more, something better."

"So..." Tumor started. "You left the ones you grew up with, that you have history with, that you have family with...in order to pursue a dream that likely won't come true due to the fact that you are too different from the ones that you want to be with." he said, mostly pointing out the flaws of her plan than just reciting them.

The dragon frowned a bit, but still managed to keep herself somewhat upbeat. "Yeah, I guess so."

Jack and Tumor looked at each other then back at her before shouting in unison. "Welcome to the fucking family!"

The dragon flinched a bit, not expecting that kind of reaction. Her attention was drawn away from them though and brought to the purple alicorn waving for her attention. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but there is still the issue that needs to be addressed here."

"Oh, right! Don't worry. I'll leave here and find a place-" She paused for a moment and her face sunk. "Away from society..."

The group went silent, they weren't sure how to react to this, but Jack seemed to have an idea as he got up and walked over to the dragon. "Follow me for a second." He said, walking away from everyone. The dragon looked to the group then back at him before following.

Tumor and Twilight sat alone as the other departed.

"What do you think their talking about?" Twilight asked.

"Hell if I know." He replied. "As far as I know he's probably asking that thing to suck his dick."

"Tumor, that's gross!"

"I know his dick's gross! I feel bad for the dragon."

Twilight was about to yell at him again but started giggling to herself very softly. "Wow, you two are so much alike it's almost disturbing."

"Yeah, but you already know that song and dance. I'm sure Carrot Top or Derpy already told you our differences."

"Mhm, I've done my best to be careful around him because of that. I know that if I make the wrong move he'll kill me." She explained.

"Yep."

"...then why has he saved me so many times?" She asked curiously.

"To cover his own ass. If you died with him around he knows everyone will blame him and he'll have to go on the run." The way he said that almost made it seem like he was saying a verse in a play.

"...That sounded routine..."

"It is. You'd be surprised with how many people have asked me that question after getting to know him." He stopped focusing on Twilight and turned his attention back to Jack and the dragon who were standing still just talking in the distance. He suddenly gasped as he saw the dragon blush and kiss Jack's cheek before flying away. "Holy shit..."

Twilight was stunned as well. "Did she just..."

"...Yep..."

Jack walked back over to the group, staring at them in confusion. "Okay, whatever it is you're doing, stop. I don't like this." They didn't seem to change their expression which only angered him further. "Seriously, I'm about to set you both ablaze, knock it the fuck off!"

"Dude!" Tumor yelled, "A dragon just fucking kissed you! Don't you find that weird?"

"Asks the guy who's fucked probably half of the towns horse population."

"...go to hell..."

"That's what I thought, bitch"

Author's Notes:

Been a while since we've had any actual fucking action.
Also, here's an old sketch I made of the dragon.