Author's Notes:

What's better than one raging asshole? ;P

Tumor was laying on the couch, out cold from the night before as his friend Carrot Top sat in the chair across from him and went through the mail. As she sifted she spotted an odd looking scroll, bound with a purple ribbon and a golden seal with the letter T engraved into it. She put the other papers aside and removed the seal so she could read the scroll's contents. "Tumor, get up!" She shouted just loud enough to make him wake up and fall onto the floor. "You have a letter from Princess Twilight."

He laid face down on the floor and groaned. "What the fuck does she want?"

She shrugged, "I'm not completely sure. Do you know anyone by the name Jack?"

"What?" He asked, sounding more confused than anything else.

She sighed, "Here, I'll just read it." Carrot Top cleared her throat before starting. "Dear Tumor, it would seem that another of your kind has appeared in Equestria. Though hostile at first, I managed to calm him enough to get a decent amount of information from him. The world he described seemed to be very similar to yours, seeing how he mentioned everything from the man named Cole to The Beast. I believe that it would be best for you to come meet him, he claims to know who you are and has asked me to let him draw the image at the bottom of this scroll. I hope to see you soon, you're friend, Twilight Sparkle." She took a breath, relieved that she had finished the letter.

Tumor listened in silence until Carrot Top finished. "Wait, so there's someone from my world here?" He asked.

"That's what it says and apparently they know you." She replied, pointing out the obvious.

"Well who the fuck even is it?" He asked, raising his voice slightly.

"Hey, I told you everything that was on here so don't get snippy with me. There was all of that and a drawing on the bottom signed by somepony by the name of Jack Jeckel." She almost jumped as Tumor snatched the scroll from her and looked it over, but regained her composure. "So, recognize it at all?"

He didn't seem phased by it in the slightest. "It's a fucking joke. This is a character from the stupid ICP guys."

Carrot Top tilted her head in confusion, "Who?"

"You know, the Insane Clown posse."

"Who?"

"The Insane Clown Ponies, maybe?"

"Not ringing a bell."

Tumor rubbed his neck and started pacing around the room, muttering the name repeatedly to himself as he eyed the drawing. It didn't take long for the message to be truely received and as it came to him his body froze and his eyes widened. "We need to go...now."

"Umm, why?" She asked.

He looked over at Carrot Top with his wide eyes, looking like he had just seen a ghost. "There's no time to explain, we need to move!"

Tumor kicked open the castle doors and ran in with Carrot Top following close behind. He ran to the room he had been when he was first invited over to find Twilight sipping tea by herself in a chair. "Twilight!" He shouted as he approached her and came to a stop just before running into her chair. "Where the hell is he!?"

Twilight shot him an annoyed look. "First off, hello to you two. Secondly, he went to use the bathroom."

"Listen, this is important. If he is who I think he is then...just fucking work with me here." He said with nothing but seriousness in his eyes.

"Who do you think it is?"

"I don't know for sure, so you need to help me. What does he look like?"

"Well he was wearing a pair of red pants with a bunch of pockets and a black shirt that it looks like he ripped the sleeves off of-"

"Physically, you dumb bitch! His face, his body! Come on, do you not fucking realize how important this is right now!?"

Twilight was startled as Tumor suddenly became aggressive and flinched as he yelled at her. "H-he looks like you..."

"...like me?" He asked.

"Like him?" Carrot Top added, being very curious about the situation .

Twilight nodded, "Yes, he looked just like you, even had the same hair style; only his was a bit messier. He also looked a little more muscley and had bright orange eyes."

"Don't forget, I'm also a lot more charming." They all turned their heads toward a dark hallway to see a pair of glowing orange eyes staring at them. It walked closer to the group as it continued to speak with a somewhat upbeat tone. "You know, that was one hell of a disappearing act you pulled. I mean, fuck, you along with everything within a three mile radius was just fucking gone! Nothing left but a large crater full of memories."

Tumor left the group and slowly made his way to the human. Carrot Top was staring at them in shock while Twilight curiously observed them. With every step he made, his mind became more overwhelmed. "You're alive..." He said, stopping inches from his face.

He chuckled, "Damn right. What, you think they called me Phoenix just because they thought I was fucking pretty? Fuck you, bitch!"

"Marco..."

"Polo!" He said with a laugh. "Come on, Dale. You know how much I hated that name, it's Jack now." He reached over and tapped his fingers on the Jack Jeckel tattoo on his arm. "Remember? I changed it, dipshit."

"I don't know whether I should hug you or punch you."

"Either way you're getting a knee to the dick."

The four are all gathered around in a booth at sugarcube corner, the new human known as Marco, a.k.a Jack, constantly getting eyed from every direction. But it was almost as if he didn't notice their glares. As they silently sat, Twilight was assessing the information they had given on the trip to the bakery.

"Okay, so let me get this straight." Twilight started, "You two are brothers who separated after the blast so that if something happened one of you would live, then you became conduits, fought in the war together until Jack was moved to a new section, and haven't seen each other since?" The brothers nodded in unison, confirming her story. "Okay, its weird, but not impossible." She said, still thinking about everything. "So what can you do, Jack?"

He looked up to face Twilight, "Well I kill people for fun, I fuck whores, I've been known to resort to cannibalism when I'm bored-"

"I mean, what kind of conduit are you? What are your powers?"

"Oh, bitch you should have just asked." He said as Twilight rolled her eyes at him. "Well, my abilities aren't as strong as my brother's, but I'm a pretty powerful fire conduit."

"So you can control fire?" She asked, somewhat excitedly.

"Fuck yeah, man. I absorb it, my body amplifies it, and then I can use it for whatever I want." He replied.

"Okay, I have to ask since no pony else seems to care." Carrot Top added, "How did you get here?" She asked, looking at Jack.

Jack chuckled before pointing at Twilight. "That's all you, sweetheart."

Twilight smiled nervously, "Aha, yeah, about that...I kind of took a sample of Tumor's hair and used it to see if I could open a window to his universe. You know, so I could see it for myself. But, instead, the spell I used ended up bringing the closest genetic match it could find here." She explained, still looking rather flustered.

Jack leaned back and put his feet on the table, letting everypony around get an eyeful of his black shoes. "Well ain't that about a bitch."

Twilight's face went from nervous to confused. "Wait, you're not mad?"

"Fuck no! Why would I be? If anything, I should be thanking your purple ass."

Before Twilight could respond a tall green stallion walked up to Carrot Top. "Hey, good looking. Where have you been all my life?"

Carrot Top could smell the liquor on him, it was almost bad enough to make her vomit. "Sorry, pal, but I'm not interested."

"Come on, babe. Let's have some fun." He said as he put a hoof on her shoulder.

Tumor slammed his fist into the table to get the stallions attention. "Hey, she said no."

The stallion started to wear an angered expression. "Why don't you stay out of this, freak."

Tumor was about to get up, but his brother blocked him with an arm. "Don't worry, I got this." Tumor smiled and rested back into his seat as Jack got up and stood on top of the table. "Listen you ugly fuck. My brother is trying to spare you of the fucking embarrassment of rejection, okay? My friend, the fact of the matter here is that you just don't have enough game to be with a mare like this. So take your fuckin drunk ass outta here and go home." At this point all eyes in the bakery were on Jack.

The stallion growled, but started to grin. "Oh yeah? Well where's your girl huh? Let me guess, you couldn't get one because you look like something that crawled out of the sewers. Where's your game now, punk?"

"About, I don't know, balls deep in your mother's dirty cunt." Jack retorted with a smile. "Holy shit! We're gonna need some ice, cause this mother fucker just got burned!" The stallion flew into a rage and pushed pass Carrot Top to get to the table, but before he could climb up Jack pulled a chain out from behind him and swung it into the side of his attackers head with enough force to knock him unconscious. "Yeah! You just got knocked the fuck out, bitch!" He hopped off of the table and landed back in his seat. "That's how we do it, ain't that right, bro? Whoop whoop!" Reaching into one of his many pockets, Jack pulled out a bottle of Black Cherry Faygo and chugged half of it before holding the rest of it out to his brother.

Tumor looked at his brother like he was an idiot. "Seriously, dude, don't do that juggalo shit with me. I mean, you like that weird shit, that's fine. Just keep you clowny bullshit to yourself."

"Bitch, either you drink it or I'm shoving this fucking bottle so far up your ass you're gonna be able to unscrew the lid with your god damn teeth."

"Don't even fucking think about it, asshole!"

And like that Jack jumped over the table and tackled Tumor, pinning him to the ground with his legs. With one hand he held the bottle up high and with the other he grabbed Tumor's belt and ripped it off. "Great Milenko, give me the power to fuck this bitch up!"