“I’m cold,” Discord complained irritably. “I’m cold and I don’t want to be here and I’d rather be somewhere else and warm and in the exact opposite direction of this place.”

Bad Dude looked up at the lengthy draconequus, who currently had a puffy winter jacket around his torso and a pair of pink mittens over his hands. A pair of mismatching socks covered his horns, billowing around in the rushing, chilly air.

Bad Dude, meanwhile, wore a scarf and a pair of ear warmers to help battle against the cold. At the moment, they were on a snow-covered mountain top, overlooking a valley of lush green trees and frozen lakes—somewhere on the outskirts of the Frozen North, according to Discord.

Bad Dude frowned. “You complain a lot.”

Discord rubbed at his arms while his teeth chattered. “Just wait until you get older, Bad Dude, and the crushing weight of the world and adult responsibilities start eating away at you. Trust me, it’s no fun growing up. Want my advice?”

Bad Dude thought for a moment. “Okay.”

“Stay a child forever. Never grow up.”

“I’ll try.”

When Discord spun around from the breathtaking view, Bad Dude did the same. They were facing a tall rock wall with a lengthy crack slashed directly down its middle. At the bottom was an opening barely wide enough for a pony to pass through.

Discord jerked a thumb at the narrow cave entrance. “So Sombra’s holed up in there, eh?”

“That’s what his letter said.”

Discord raised a brow. “How’d he ever get a letter to you from all the way out here, anyway? Seems rather convenient, doesn’t it?”

Bad Dude shrugged. “I dunno, maybe with dark, evil unicorn magic or something. I heard King Sombra’s really talented, though. I’m sure he can do all sorts of things!”

Discord snorted. “Oh, he sure is talented all right. What records does he hold again? Fastest defeat? Mildest threat? Least menacing? Number one exploder? Hardest to understand?”

Bad Dude retied his scarf as the wind whipped it around. “Well, he did have a whole empire to himself. And an army. Not many villains had those.”

“That’s because all other villains got the work done on their own and didn’t rely on armies to do their work for them.” He cracked his mitten-covered knuckles. “And I think you’re missing a very important term here, Bad Dude: Sombra had an army. Was does he have now? A cave? What’s he going to bring to the team? His varied rock collection?”

Discord laughed at his own joke until his eyes started to water, then he stopped when his tears froze to his face and he had to painfully peel them away. When he noted Bad Dude’s less than amused expression, he ruffled his mane with a claw.

“Oh, Bad Dude, I only jest,” he giggled out. “You should know the routine by now. But does our team really need someone like Sombra? Like… really? I’m still astonished you managed to get Chrysalis on the team at all, but isn’t that enough?” He raised an ice-coated brow and looked down at Bad Dude curiously. “Chrysalis never mentioned any thoughts of ‘betrayal,’ did she? When she agreed to join the group?”

Bad Dude glanced down nervously, happy the redness on his cheeks could be blamed on the cold. He pursed his lips. He’d already told a rather large fib when he told Discord Chrysalis had official joined their team. But she sort of had joined, hadn’t she? The only part he was leaving out was that she’d only join if Sombra was onboard. Bad Dude only hoped he knew what was best for everyone. Then again, didn’t true villains tell lies all the time?

After a long pause, Bad Dude elegantly explained his thoughts to Discord: “Nope.”

Discord narrowed his eyes at him. “So Chrysalis didn’t say anything about kicking me out of the group?”

Bad Dude did his best to avert Discord’s gaze. “Nope.”

Sighing aloud, Discord relaxed a bit. “All right, just making sure—very solid defense on your part, by the way; but my original question still stands: do we need Sombra or is it more likely that he needs us right now?”

“Maybe a little of both?” Bad Dude answered brightly. “I mean, if we help him out now, then he’ll help us out later. And… and if other villains know we help out other villains, than they might wanna join us, too. I bet… I bet we could even hold auditions later on!”

Discord slapped his face with a paw. “Great! Then we’ll have every second rate ne’er-do-well trying to leech off of us!” He added in a mocking tone: “My name’s Terrible Thompson and I once ate my entire lunch without using my napkin. And did I ever tell you about that toilet I clogged at a friend’s house and never told him about?”

When Bad Dude glared at him, Discord roughly shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and sighed. “Fine. Go get your Sombra. Go get your special little cape friend! Just don’t go blaming me when he has no interest in joining. If it were up to me, I’d go tell Twilight and the other Elements exactly where he is and be done with him for good. One less weirdo in the world.”

Bad Dude hesitantly glanced at the dark crack in the mountain. “So you’re not coming with me again?”

“Noticing the pattern?” Discord smirked. “This is all your show, Bad Dude. You want your super group? Then you go and collect the members and then I’ll see where we stand. But fear not, young one, for I have set up counter measures incase something horrible should arise while you’re inside. Hold out your hoof.”

Bad Dude did and Discord set a silver whistle onto it.

“Just blow into that should something happen in there.”

Bad Dude looked up at him. “And then you’ll come running in to save me?”

Discord laughed. “What? No, but… I dunno… maybe Sombra has a fear of whistles or something?”

Bad Dude slumped in the snow. He grumbled more to himself, “You’re really not as helpful as you could be.”

Discord patted his shoulder, pushing him deeper into the snow. “Then I think we’re finally starting to get to know each other.”

Once he had his gear in place, Bad Dude took another icy breath and made the short march towards the entrance to the cave. Then he gave one last wave to Discord before plunging into the all consuming darkness.

Bad Dude walked for several meters before finally finding the great King Sombra. As much as Bad Dude had wanted their first meeting to be a success (Sombra had always been his favorite villain, ever since glimpsing the dark figure with the blood red cape in his history books), the first thing that happened between the pair was that Bad Dude ended up tripping over him.

“Ouch!” Bad Dude yelled as he toppled forward and face-planted onto the cold stone floor.

The fuzzy body he’d barely touched in the pitch blackness sprung to life and hurriedly scampered away. A moment later, in the oppressive dark, exploded a pair of red-and-green eyes each the size of Bad Dude’s entire head. As Bad Dude got back to his hooves, the floating eyes focused on him and a large booming voice spoke, “Who dares try and sneak into King Sombra’s domain?”

The deep, rich voice echoed throughout the cave and after speaking, the pair of eyes were joined by the images of a sharp red horn and several rows of sharp teeth, large enough to swallow Bad Dude whole.

“King Sombra will not be defeated so easily this time!” the cold voice continued.

Bad Dude gasped at the floating images. Then he happily sat on the ground and clapped his hooves together. “That was awesome! Can you do that again?”

The burning eyes charged at him. “Who dares speak to me in such—” Then they stopped, and the bodiless voice quieted. “Wait… who is this?”

“Bad Dude,” Bad Dude answered earnestly. “You sent me a letter, remember?”

At the top of the cave, a thin tarp was pulled away, revealing a jagged hole that let sunlight fall into the room. The images of the venomous eyes, horn, and teeth dissipated in the air and Bad Dude was left standing in a tiny pocket of cut rock, no bigger than his small bedroom back home.

On the other side of the room was a hastily made throne carved out of rock—so terribly sculpted it was closer to a beanbag chair than anything even remotely royal. The tip of a horribly frayed tail poked out the side of the rock structure.

“King Sombra?” Bad Dude asked tentatively. “Is… is that you?”

Bad Dude could hear the figure behind the chair busy themselves by straightening out their mane and roughly clearing their throat. Once they’d done that, they finally emerged and stepped back out into the room. Bad Dude was a little more than surprised by the sight.

Bad Dude pursed his lips awkwardly. “King Sombra?”

“Obviously,” Sombra replied, his voice far more characteristic of the figure of Sombra in Bad Dude’s head than what he was now seeing.

Unlike his history pictures, Sombra had no cape to speak of on his back. His mane and tail, although recently touched up, were badly frayed and messy—bits of pebbles and twigs stuck in his hair. The king appeared gaunt, too; the cheekbones on his face clearly visible. He even had the beginnings of an unkempt beard on the way, conspiring to overtake the rest of his pointed face.

It was as if someone had taken Sombra and shoved him in a closet the moment since his defeat and then completely forgotten about him.

“Bad Dude.” The king looked him over for a moment. “I must say I was expecting someone… what? A tad bigger than you? But, alas, I shall make things work, either way.” He angled his head to glance at Bad Dude’s cape. “And there’s that cape I heard about. Or is that a towel? I really can’t tell from here.”

Bad Dude looked away from him. “It’s my old foal blanket, actually. I used one of my mom’s towels before, but she got mad when I stuck a pin through it.”

“Still, a cape is a cape.” On jittery legs, Sombra proceeded across the room before sitting on the cold stone floor. He rested his head on a hoof. “You wish to be called Prince Bad Dude, then? If you are to become my honorable disciple?”

Bad Dude had to force a hoof under his chin to keep the giggles from shooting out of his mouth. He gingerly looked at Sombra again. “I mean… if you wanted to, I guess. I won’t stop you from calling me that or anything.”

Sombra stared at him dryly. “You keep averting your gaze. Could it be my appearance at the current moment?”

Bad Dude instantly shook his head. “Oh, no. Nothing like that… I’m just… I’m just…” He tried to think of something, but nothing came to him. “I’m just enjoying your… rock house… thingy.”

“My cell, you mean,” Sombra clarified, “until I regain my strength again and am able to take back what was mine.” He barked out a single laugh. “You might not know this, but being torn into a thousand pieces by the power of love takes a lot out of you. It’s not something you can just trot off, sadly.”

Bad Dude nodded in understanding. “I know! Like this one time, I fell off my bike and got an oowie on my leg and then couldn’t ride it again for like… three whole days.”

Sombra stared at him unblinkingly. “Yes, exactly like that. The rightful king of the Crystal Empire got an oowie and now he’s stuck in a cave.”

A little more confident that he wasn’t going to be eaten or anything, Bad Dude took a few steps towards him and sat on the ground in front of him. It wasn’t until the pouch on his back rubbed against him that he remembered about it.

Bad Dude’s eyes shot open. “Oh! Do you like soup?”

“I’ve heard of it,” Sombra replied.

“Because I brought you some!” Bad Dude opened the pouch under his cape and brought out a Power Ponies-brand thermos. He spun the top and began filling the attached bowl. “You said in your letter than you were recovering and I know whenever I get sick, my mom always makes me soup to make me feel better.” He looked up at him. “Did your mom ever do anything like that for you?”

“I had my mother executed when she joined the rebellion against me,” Sombra answered emotionlessly.

“It that a no?”

“Obviously.”

When the tiny soup bowl was full, Bad Dude nudged it towards him. Sombra lowered his head to investigate its contents. “What kind?” he asked.

“Vegetable,” Bad Dude told him helpfully, “with those tiny bits of pasta in the shape of ponies. It might be a little cold, because of how long it took to get here…”

The horn atop Sombra’s head illuminated in a red glow and a laser shot out to the base of the soup bowl. Seconds later, the contents began to steam and the faint aroma of soup filled the small cave. Sombra’s stomach rumbled and he took a dainty sip of the soup, before sloshing it around his mouth.

Finally, he swallowed. “It will suffice.”

As Sombra drank from the collectable Power Ponies-brand bowl, Bad Dude asked him, “Horns sure are awesome, huh?”

“Obviously,” Sombra agreed, drinking another mouthful of soup.

“So if you haven’t left the cave in years, what have you been living off of, then?”

“Hatred,” Sombra replied bluntly, “pure, unfiltered hatred for all those that bested and defeated me years ago.”

Bad Dude nodded. “What’s hatred taste like?”

“Bitter.” While Sombra continued to eat, he added morosely, “You caught me during one of my many daily naps. I have very little strength anymore, so I sleep most of my days away. I’ve never needed to use my magical defense system before, but… I guess you saw what I’m still capable of.”

“You mean all those spooky images and the big, scary voice stuff?”

Sombra nodded.

“I thought that was awesome! I wish I could do something like that.”

Sombra brought up his bowl to try and hide his faint smile. Bad Dude saw it anyways and felt the urge to giggle again.

“Enjoy the cape I sent you?” Sombra said. “It was one of my older models.”

Bad Dude smiled. “You bet! I basically sleep with it every single night now!”

Sombra raised a brow. “Don’t mind the blood stains?”

Bad Dude’s smile faded. “The what?”

“Never mind.” Sombra finished his bowl and set it down, then with a grunt he got to his hooves again and strolled to one of the corners of the room. “Let me show you around the place. In this corner behind my throne is my rock collection. I’ve been collecting them for years.”

Peering around Sombra’s back, Bad Dude found a small mound of different rocks pressed up against the corner of the room. When Sombra turned to him, he pretended to gasp in admiration. “Wow! That’s… umm… a whole lot of rocks you got there!”

Sombra nodded. “Obviously. Now let me show you another corner of my home.”

For the next five minutes, the pair traveled to all four corners of the room, each with their own small collection of rocks. Desperately, Bad Dude tried to find a theme of some kind, but couldn’t see a single difference between any of the piles. Maybe spending years alone in the cold and the dark turned your brain into mush?

Bad Dude only hoped Sombra wasn’t always this weird.

Sombra held out a hoof-sized rock out to him. “I’ve even started rock sculpting. Guess what this is.”

Bad Dude took a shot in the dark. “A potato?”

With a frown, Sombra growled, “What? No, it’s Celestia. Can’t you—” He halted himself and rubbed a hoof along his temple. “You have any idea how hard it is to sculpt with no tools? To only use your teeth to create beautiful art?” He sighed. “Never mind. Enough frivolity. Let’s get down to business.”

He returned to the center of the room to sit down again. He asked Bad Dude tiredly, “So you wish to aid me in my quest to recapture the Crystal Empire, then?”

Bad Dude nervously rubbed at a leg. “Actually… I was hoping you’d join my group, instead.”

“You have a group?” Sombra said with a cocked brow.

“Yep. The Coalition of United Terrible Evils. There’s me… and Discord… and Queen Chrysalis…”

Sombra looked at him curiously. “Really? You speak the truth? Discord, yes, I could see that beast joining anyone that would tolerate him for a time, but Chrysalis, too? I must say… that makes things a lot more interesting.” He scratched at his unkempt cheek. “Truth be told, how you and I were to reclaim the Empire alone was still a rather fat question… but if we could wield Chrysalis’ army to help us…” His red-and-green eyes flashed devilishly. “But are you sure Chrysalis is on board with us?”

Again, Bad Dude had to think about the betterment of the group. He nodded. “And once we’re all set up, we’re going to have a home base and matching t-shirts and—”

Sombra stopped him with a hoof. “No. King Sombra doesn’t do t-shirts.”

“Oh.” Bad Dude paused. “Matching hats?”

Sombra laughed deeply. “And cover up my mane? I may be cruel, Bad Dude, but I would never be so cruel as to deny the public the glorious sight of my perfectly styled mane.” His eyes glanced upward. “I mean, once I find my strength again and get around to fixing it.”

Sombra's cold eyes found Bad Dude’s and held them.

“So Chrysalis has an army at her disposal; Discord has untold magical resources; so what is it that you do, young Prince? Just how was it that you bested two of the most powerful beings in existence when none of us could before?”

The question caused Bad Dude’s face to flush and his throat to go dry. Truth be told, he really didn’t know how everything came to be in Celestia’s office—only that he’d been dead set on becoming a villain and had displayed that to both Princess Celestia and Luna. As much as he wished they’d been terrified into submission, Discord was quick to inform him it was because of something completely else.

They’d thought he was cute. Adorable, even. Enough so to cause them pain.

But wasn’t that a little terrifying in its own right?

Bad Dude stood up and straightened out his cape, lifting his chin high. “I beat them because I’m adorable!”

Sombra furrowed his brows. “Come again?”

“Because I’m cute, I said! And they… uhh… just couldn’t handle it! That’s… uhh… that’s sort of it, actually. I hang around ponies and it makes their hearts hurt. Even Discord has to be careful around me.”

Sombra’s features became rigid. “I hope for your sake, you are only telling me this to be amusing.”

Bad Dude tensed and thought about the whistle Discord had given him. “Umm… no?”

“Then your powers rely on your abilities to attack the heart? Is that so?”

“More or less.”

Sombra smiled, but it added little warmth to his expression. “Then what ever would you do to someone like me? Someone with no heart to speak of?”

Whistle. Remember, he might not like whistles. “You don’t have a heart? I learned in school that most ponies can’t live without hearts and—”

“But I am not like most ponies, Bad Dude,” Sombra warned. “Do you wish to test out this special talent of yours? I am most excited to see it.”

“Well… okay…” Nervously, Bad Dude walked around the room, before deciding on a tactic. Like a bolt of lightning, he rushed over to Sombra with the largest smile he could muster while jumping up and down on the spot. His cape flapped around on his back.

Sombra grinned. “Amusing. What else?”

Next, Bad Dude went to one of the rock collections and selected one at random. He then balanced it on the tip of his nose while standing on just his back legs.

He could see Sombra’s smile falter as he held a hoof out to him. “Now be careful with that one. That’s a bust of the Crystal Heart, if you couldn’t tell.”

On one leg, Bad Dude did a twirl. “Really? I thought it was another potato.”

“Well, you’re wrong, because—” Sombra grunted as he held a hoof to his chest. He shut his eyes for a moment.

“You want me to stop?” Bad Dude asked.

Sombra laughed again—uneasily. “Why would I? I already told you I have no heart to speak of.”

“Oh, yeah?” Bad Dude dared, before he rushed over to him and pounced on him for a hug. “You sure?”

“Just fine… I’m just fine…” Sombra wheezed as his chin began to tremble. When Bad Dude rubbed his head into his chest, Sombra’s nose leaked a thin trail of blood. “Okay… I’m not fine… not fine!”

Bad Dude let go of him as he collapsed to the floor. Angrily, Sombra wiped away the blood from his nose.

“You okay?” Bad Dude asked.

“Never better,” Sombra snarled. “It must’ve just been the dry mountain air giving me a nosebleed. Happens all the time up here.” He kept his eyes away from Bad Dude’s. “Well, it’s been a rather interesting afternoon, but I’d better continue my rest. Send word when your group is ready to meet and we will go forth from there.”

Bad Dude went to the mouth of the cave and found the billowing snow outside had increased into a frenzy. The sight alone made him shiver. “Do you think I could wait in here until the snow dies down?”

Sombra shrugged. “Suit yourself, but I require my sleep. Admire the rock collections, if you wish.”

Like a sack of potato-shaped rocks, Sombra collapsed to the ground and started snoring. Left to his own devices, Bad Dude circled the room before growing bored and laying on the floor as well. Soon his teeth started chattering out of his control.

“It’s really cold in here, King Sombra,” he admitted quietly.

Sombra didn’t move a muscle from the floor. “So?”

“So I’m really cold.”

After a moment of deliberation, Sombra sighed. “Fine, but utter no words of this to anyone.”

The next second, Bad Dude was encased in a red aura and tugged over to him. Once next to the peacefully slumbering king, Sombra wrapped him up with both forelegs and allowed him some of his warmth.

Bad Dude immediately stopped shaking. He deliberated with himself before telling Sombra quietly, “Don’t tell the others, but you’re actually my favorite villain of them all.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I also think you’re really warm and fluffy up close.”

“Obviously.”

Sombra waited a while, before speaking, “I think my first order of business in our group will be—”

“I know, I know,” Bad Dude interrupted, “kicking Discord out.”

Sombra peeled one eye open. “What? No. I was going to say taking a nice, long shower. Honestly, I stink. I’m surprised you’re not gagging right now.”

Bad Dude brightened a bit. “So you actually don’t want to kick out Discord?”

“I never said that, Bad Dude. Only shower first, remove Discord second. But stay your tongue, young Prince. We sleep and then we never speak of this again.”

Bad Dude closed his eyes contently. “Okay.”

Author's Notes:

Tirek up next! 1/2 because no one likes Tirek.