You have to take the good with the bad. You know, they say life is like a box of chocolates. Because nobody fucking likes coconut cream, but you're sad enough to eat it anyway.

That's what today is like. You slipped getting out of the shower. You burnt your toast. You spilled your coffee on the book you rented from Twilight, so there goes THAT attempt at making friends. Since you don't want to be disemboweled by a Princess today, you've decided that today is a day for doing nothing. You're going to stay inside and do jack squat.

That is, until you hear those three knocks that make you hate life. You know? This is bullshit. Why can't she take one day off. One fucking day?! It's not like she has as million fucking animals to take care of. No. She devotes her life to coming to your door to ask if things are your fetish. It doesn't change! It doesn't break new ground?! You have all but just stopped listening to her now. When she stops speaking, you say no and shut the door. It makes things easier, and you don't have to think of all the demented shit she comes up with to try and do the horizontal tango.

Then, she knocks again, ever patient, ever determined. On one hand, if you rise from the couch you're sitting on right now, you're willingly acknowledging that you may be exposed to some shit that will make your day worse. On the other hand, if you sit here and don't answer, she will stand at the door and continue knocking until she actually passes out on your porch of dehydration and exhaustion. You ended up paying the medical bills after that fiasco.

"God fucking dammit," you mutter to yourself, rising to your feet.

You cross the room to the front door and throw it open wide.

"What the flying fuck do you want, horse?"

What a fucking surprise, Fluttershy is there, staring up at you like demented perverted child. But not like the ones you've read in hot doujins and stuff. More like the ones that you see in real life that make you feel uncomfortable because they have questions and they ask you because their parents say they aren't old enough to know yet. So now, you're in the shitty place of having to say 'go ask your parents,' but you know how kids are.

"Hi Anon!" she says happily, just like every other day. You swear to god, she's like one of those fucking yellow smiley faces in supermarkets. You just want to punch the shit out of how happy they are. Fuck you, smiley face. How dare you be happy? How dare you try to make me happy? What if I want to be a miserable asshole all the time? Crying at night isn't that bad.

"Go away."

"I love you too, Anon," the dopey pegasus says. "And today I have a really exciting guess. See, I realized the perfect fetish for you."

You sigh in resignation and place a hand over your face.

"Go on."

"See, normally I want to get in YOUR pants. So, today-" she says turning around. "I put your pants in me!"

You pause, and look down to Fluttershy. Lo' and behold, a pair of your jeans has been stuffed knee deep into her flooter cooter. You can see visible stains where her mare juices are dripping down the legs.

"You are the most disgusting creature I've seen in my life," you say in deadpan. "This is not my fetish."

"O-oh. Okay," she says, taking the pants out of her pussy and leaving them on your front porch. "You can have these back then."

"I don't want those back."

Fluttershy looks down at the pants, then looks back up to you.

"You just want me to wear pants that were inside you, don't you?" you ask.

She nods her head gently, then looks to the ground in embarrassment. You walk inside your house, grabbing a small bottle of lighter fluid and a box of matches. Return to your front door, douse the pants in front of her, strike a match, then light the pants on fire."

"And nothing of value was lost," you say aloud to her. "Now go home."

You threaten to kick her, which seemed like a good idea at the time. However, you accidentally manage to kick the flaming pants.

The pants fly through the air and land in Fluttershy's mane, also lighting it aflame. Your eyes widen in horror, then you slam the door as you hear the mare begin to scream outside.

Well shit man. Good thing she'll probably come back as good as new tomorrow, cause that was fucked up, man. But, you can take one good note from all of this. Out of that terrible encounter, you didn't have to lie. Which means, if there's one thing you can take away from today.

You aren't a liar, liar, pants on fire.