Well … honestly today feels like a ‘meh’ type day, know what I mean? You don’t feel like doing much, but despite that you know you have obligations? Like this for example! Despite how great of a crowd you’ve been … and how many more there are of you, I just don’t feel like answering your questions or even continuing the tale today.

Of course that would be a travesty for my viewership! That would be you. Viewership sounds better than listenership … and I think the second one isn’t even a word!

Right, question time I suppose.

Why did Trixie speak like she did? Oh, you mean in third person? Yeah, that’s what it’s called when you say your name instead of ‘I’ or ‘me’ and any other words that are possessive. As to why? Hell if I knew. I honestly think it might have been brain damage because I asked her at one point and she didn’t even understand what I was talking about. It was … kind of odd.

Why did Trixie hate Appleloosa? Well honestly I never asked her about that. I just assumed that one of two things had happened. Either she had a bad show there that might have had something happen or she was really indifferent about towns that were only ponies. She did seem like someone who was more comfortable around different species.

Anymore Trixie oriented questions?

Trixie’s favourite food? Hmm … well I don’t honestly know since I saw her eat many different types of food, but based off the amount of times I’d seen her eat a certain food, I would say it was peanut butter and crackers. I swear she had a stash of those in her mane or something with the amount of times I saw her munching on them.

Hey, why don’t you say ‘that wasn’t a valid question’ to the kid’s face, huh?

Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought … jackwad. Just for that, you’re not getting your question answered today.

What skills do I have that could have gotten me a job in Equestria? Huh, odd subject since I was almost sure by now you all figured out that I’m a Soldier of Fortune … so to speak. Let's see … well prior to the apocalypse I was an electrician and even got some minor electrical work since then, because you’d be amazed at how few electricians there are now. Aside from that I also have experience in building and repairing stuff … actually, come to think of it, I probably could have done a lot of things that needed to be done. When you’ve had to use all of your skills to survive as well as gain new ones … well you become a jack of all trades. So let’s say that I could have gotten hired for many things.

What was that? Did the situation seem too good to be true? What makes you say that?

That’s actually a good point and indeed something I noticed. With everything that was happening, it did seem like all the pieces of the world was flowing seamlessly together as though it was merely a script that I was following. Of course it wasn’t the first time I experienced something similar. in fact, this one was faring better than the Berlin tale, which I’m still not going to tell you. This adventure did throw in more twists and turns that were actually surprising, and you’ll hear of such as we go.

Right! That’s all the Q&A today, this part of the story isn’t as long as last time’s anyway.

So when we rolled into Appleloosa, we were a little tired to say the least. Well they were more tired than I was. I was used to a max of about forty hours without sleep. It used to be more, but that was when I still had youth on my side.

Trixie was trudging along, but it was clear that sleep was starting to get to her, in the form of a big yawn. Which then overtook Gilda because of the Yawn Transitive Property. It was obvious that those two needed to have a nap when we reached Appleloosa and I would make sure they did … after forking over a few bits to pay for the supplies we needed, aka alcohol.

No, I didn’t follow in the yawn line. There are ways to make yourself immune from the YTP. We’re calling it YTP now. A monk taught me the trick to it, though it is a very closely guarded secret nowadays, so unfortunately, you aren’t going to be learning it anytime soon.

Appleloosa, as a town, was just waking up from their sleep … farmers and cowboys always rise early if you didn’t know. So we were actually able to get a few stares, though I was the main source of the stares, since who else in their entire life had seen such a funny looking minotaur? Though after they had gotten an eyeful of me, they seemed to not give another fuck and then proceeded on their way.

When we finally came to a stop, the trailer was parked in a little alleyway, one that we had actually gotten permission to use. Yep, the building owner had seen us eyeing the spot and offered it for free. How generous, am I right? Yeah, you’ll learn eventually that ponies were really, really generous.

“You two go to sleep for a bit. I’ll wake you up in a few hours … say three hours? That way we can continue on today and then sleep at night this time,” I offered, to which they both heartily agreed. Though heartily could be summed up as Trixie muttering, ‘Thank Luna’ and Gilda just turning around and walking into the trailer.

I was going to voice that I would need some bits to add to our supplies, but I didn’t need to, since it appeared Trixie had predicted it. Her magic levitated a small bag of bits in front of me before letting go as the door closed behind her. Thanks to my amazing reflexes, I snagged that bag out of mid-air instead of being shocked at Trixie’s mind reading capabilities.

Let me tell you, that a bag of bits … they’re fucking heavy, surprisingly. I mean, not much more than maybe ten pounds at best, but whatever those things were made of had to be the reason they had such a weight to them.

Yeah, yeah, hold on! I’m getting to it, I’m just creating a lead up here, Jesus Christ!

What now?! Seriously? You’re offended by that? Where have you been for the past couple of decades? Just ignore it … ugh … and now we know why I didn’t want to tell the story today.

Anyways, I opened up the bag of bits, which still was one of the oddest and most ironic currency names I had ever heard. Inside that bag, and I kid you not, was a rather large amount of gold coins.

Gold. Fucking gold coins.

I lifted one up, and checked it under an awestruck and yet scrutinizing eye. There was no weird tint to it or off colour, which meant that there was a good chance it was indeed gold. I made a mental note to ask about that, because if gold coins were currency then this was closer to heaven then anything.

Though at the time I didn’t find that as odd as the fact they were labelled much like our world’s old coins. Each one had a different value, yet they all looked the same! The only difference being the amount labelled. Some were marked with a ten, others with five … the inner economist in me was and still is confused. To this day I’m not sure if I can call that money or fiat currency.

I ended up shrugging it off and decided to see if the tavern/salon/watering hole was open that early. So following the signs that were still in English, despite my minor denial that such a thing was even more unlikely that sharing a common spoken language, I ended up in front of the local salon … which also doubled as the hotel. That gave me high hopes for finding something to drink.

With a casual humming of Metallica’s Hit the Lights accompanying me, I strode into the salon to find that there was indeed a bartender behind the bar. That, and a surprising amount of eyes were directed at me. Apparently ponies in this town liked to get an early start, or so I thought. That was changed when I saw a waitress taking orders from a table in the back that hadn’t seen me yet. Ah yes … it would be breakfast time. Perfect, get some eggs and liquor all at once.

Though I had to do something about all the curious eyes.

“The word you’re all looking for is human. No, I’m not going to explain it. Yes, this is your first time meeting one. No, there is no more. Yes, I will take on all drinking challenges, even this early in the day.”

That apparently satisfied every single pony in the building, which was an oddly satisfying feeling. That of course gave me the idea that I should enter all buildings with those exact lines. It would be amusing to say the least, and cause a great amount of confusion all at once.

So I made my way up to the bar which had stools that were surprisingly the right height for me, though more in the sense that my feet were on the ground while sitting in them, so I guess you could call them chairs instead, but that’s just being nitpicky.

“Ah yes, my good bartender, I’ll have a double of your finest whiskey on the rocks. And if you’re taking orders for breakfast, then a plate of scrambled eggs,” I said, adding a bit of poshness to my voice.

The brown stallion with a nicely groomed moustache, yes I take notice since I do have facial hair and all that, simply nodded before walking down the length of the bar and into the kitchen. He of course reappeared shortly after, though unfortunately without the scrambled eggs … which I hoped they knew what I meant. Hell, I was just taking a lucky guess that he understood even half of what I said. I was, in the end, proven that he at least knew what ‘a double of whiskey on the rocks’ was.

He took his time letting the amber coloured liquid splash over the ice cubes that filled the glass, which made me even more thirsty for the whiskey. I just hoped that it was worth the amount of bits it was going to be … I did say ‘finest’ after all. Eventually the teasing stopped and the whiskey was in front of my face … or well, on the table at least.

I pulled down the scarves covering my face and proceeded to hold the whiskey under my nose so I could breath in that delicious scent. It was so rich and refreshing, yet so strong! You know one of two things when taking a smell of whiskey causes you to shudder. Either you’ve got a good whiskey on your hands, or you’re a lightweight that should stop drinking whiskey.

Oh, you want to know what I looked like back then? Well since it wasn’t too long ago, I didn’t look too much more different than I do now. A few less signs of old age, a few less scars, and a massive beard in comparison. Right now it is rather trim, though still fully encompassing. Back then I was barely able to hide it under the full length of the scarves, and that was something to be said.

The beard itself was showing a few less signs of grey hair compared to now, but even then you could probably tell my age by the amount of grey.

I even removed my hat and sat it down next to me, letting my bald head come to bare. Yep, bald. No, you can’t see it.

The reason I sat my hat down was because it is proper table manners to not have anything on your head when eating … well at least in my culture. I know a few that pay no attention to that and such. The only thing I did leave on was my sunglasses which is a necessary thing to have when you need to look intimidating. Not because you want to cover your eyes, no. It’s because when you slowly pull them down to reveal a fucking crazy ass glare, it’s hilariously easy to scare people.

Mhm, did that a number of times in my life.

So I eventually took a sip of the whiskey, letting it slowly make its way down my throat on its own, and let me tell you … let me tell you. It was without a doubt the second best whiskey I had ever tasted. It had easily taken that spot for itself.

What was the first you ask? A man I met in Scotland a couple of years back, saved my ass from this mutated goat an-

Yes, I said mutated goat. Listen, you don’t want to go to Scotland because of that exact reason. It sounds laughable at first but when you’ve seen one for you own eyes … it’s like staring at the Devil itself.

Anyway, the man that saved me took me back to his home and poured me a glass of his own home brewed stuff. I nearly wept at its taste. It was beautiful. So, so, beautiful.

Getting back to the story, I hummed with great appreciation before waving the bartender over again. I needed to know what that stuff was.

“You’ve got to tell me the name of this whiskey,” I said as I took another sip.

“Ambershine,” the bartender said before walking back into the kitchen.

“Ambershine …” I muttered to myself at first. “Either this whiskey dates back to before brand names were a thing, or this world likes being overly fucking obvious.”

Shortly after, the bartender came back with my eggs. Now, I didn’t delight in the eggs as much as I did with the whiskey, mainly because it hadn’t been as long a time since I had myself some good scrambled eggs. Don’t get me wrong, the eggs from that kitchen were good, but I’ve made better in my life. It’s a delicate practice that I’ve learned over the years, but I make mean scrambled eggs … and a delicious omelette!

So I sat there and ate. Just me, my scrambled eggs, and my whiskey. That covered a good hour since I made sure to take my time drinking that delicious glass. The eggs were gone in five minutes, if that, but that whiskey needed to be savoured. Eventually though I knew I had to leave because I couldn’t just waste three hours sitting and drinking … not that early at least.

Though when the bartender came back and I asked for the bill, a thought occurred. Well it was less of a thought and more like a desire to have a bottle of that Ambershine.

“So … how much is the bill?”

“Eight bits, sir,” he said, which made me smile. I had way more than eight bits in this bag.

“Now tell me … how much for that Ambershine?” I asked, steepling my fingers as I rested my elbows on the counter.

“That bottle would be twenty three bits,” he replied.

“Two of them, sold to the man standing above the rest!” I said with vigour before digging into the bit bag, pulling out five ten-bit coins and three single-bit ones as well. He put the bottles on the counter while I pulled my scarves back up. Though before I did that, I gave him a big grin to show my thanks.

When I left, I was beaming a little brighter than I had over the past two days. I was going to get to enjoy such beautiful whiskey for at least a week, depending on how safe we would be at night … and how fast it took to consume the two bottles. Everything depended on that, you’d understand if you lived in the wastes.

So, there I was, one hour down, two bottles of beautiful whiskey in my bag … to accompany the one from Dodge, and I still had two hours to kill! To say that I was eager to get something done would have been an understatement. Knowing I had all that Ambershine somehow reinvigorated me so that I felt ten years younger.

Now, I most likely had a host of options to choose from in terms of what to do, but honestly I wasn’t feeling like relaxing or doing nothing. I actually had a need to get something done. So I narrowed my list to something that I could either earn bits from or at least help out and get good Samaritan points.

I pondered a little farther and reduced the list a little bit more. I could have offered some labour work, but the question of how taxing it would be on my old body would have come into question. Well that and the fact I didn't have any tools to work with. That second point meant I couldn’t do much electrical or other trades work, which kind of reduced my talent set.

Though luckily that was solved as I saw a group of ponies across the street gathering and talking rather loudly. Well it was one pony in specific that was talking loudly, as though he was giving orders. It piqued my curiosity since for all I knew they could have been trouble. Though that thought was dashed when I saw the sheriff stars on their chests. The group of mares and stallions hardly noticed me as I walked up behind their, what I assumed at the time, sheriff.

“Excuse me,” I said, clearing my throat as I said it.

“Not now, citizen, we’re preparing to receive a … delegation,” he said without even turning around. Of course when he didn’t even turn to look, I got a little evil grin. The ponies he was addressing saw who I was and their faces displayed a mix of … well actually all of them showed a slight hint of fear now that I think of it.

“I was actually going to offer some help, if you need it,” I said, a bit of amusement lacing my voice as I spoke.

“Listen, we’re dealing with a rather … rough group of buffalo. Even if we needed help, we wouldn’t ask a random cit-” he said as he finally turned to look at the ‘pony’ that had interrupted them.

…

That gesture is called air-quoting. I’ve done it tonnes of times in this story already and yet now you ask? Great timing … now I’ve lost my train of thought.

…

Right, now I remember.

So as he turned, his face went from showing annoyance to conforming with the faces of his officers. I was close to laughing at the sudden change. Close.

“Hi. My name is Ryan, and as you can probably guess, I am pretty capable of handling myself, so,” I said, barely holding back a snicker, “I ask again, can I be of any assistance?”

He actually was still gawking at me. Huh … apparently only some ponies actually were calm about my appearance. This group of law enforcement officers were not part of said group.

“You said a rough group of buffalo? I’m going to assume those are the delegation?” I asked, receiving a small head nod to answer my question. Now what I said to them was completely pulled out of my ass, really ... thankfully it was a very lucky pull. “Beings like those see a lack of strength as a weakness. If you want peace with them than you need to bolster your ranks with others that show you are strong, even if you don’t mean to fight. If anything, I can provide a little show if it comes to it.”

“Okay,” the sheriff said in a rather dazed voice.

Now you all are probably thinking something along the lines of ‘he had to probably be doing something badass, or something crazy happened at this meeting.’ Well as much as I want to say you are right, once again you all are wrong.

Let me sum this up because honestly it was as boring as the whole walking section.

I followed the sheriff and his deputies to the meeting. At said meeting, the buffalo leader who didn’t apparently need to announce his name, much like the sheriff didn’t need to, came on a little aggressive and full of himself. By the looks of a few older looking buffalos in his party, the chief, and I might be racist for comparing them to Native American hierarchy because of their headdress, was young and trying to prove himself to the others. So I simply stood tall and silent beside the sheriff, not bothering to even make an indication that I noticed the buffalo. Just one of the perks of having my glasses.

Eventually the buffalo leader finally paid credence to me, while I had merely tuned out the entire conversation, only listening for certain key inflections and words that would tell me I needed to intervene in a more violent means. He tried to get up in my face and show his force against me by getting into my personal space. When he got a little too close, I merely tilted my head downward to look at him for a second, his glare bouncing harmlessly off my glasses, or so it seemed to the others.

“Back up,” I said in a monotone voice, not moving at all from my position. Sure, inside I was a little worried about him headbutting me with those horns, but I had to keep up appearances.

“You do not give me orders!” he said before rearing his head back, looking to headbutt me in the stomach. See, this in a fight is never a smart move because to rear your head back like that lets your opponent know what you are intending. This chief gave me a tell that could have been spotted by a blind person.

I dropped my right leg back, and swiftly caught his horns in my hands. It fucking hurt like hell at the moment of impact, but I gnashed my teeth to stifle back a groan of pain. I surprised him long enough that I was able to move my right leg to the side a bit and utilize my leverage in swinging him off his hooves enough to send him rolling to the ground on my right.

As I said earlier, my body wasn’t what it used to be. Sure my reflexes were still amazing, but my durability was what was questionable. I knew my body would need the last little bit before we left to rest, especially my hands.

Either way, the group that the chief was with was impressed at how I handled the chief so easily. In fact, they managed to talk down the chief from charging me the moment he got back up. Something about him dishonouring the meetings by trying to attack first. Don’t really know, since my mind was more focused on my throbbing hands.

Eventually the ponies and the buffalo managed to work out a deal or something and I found myself walking back into the heart of the town. The sheriff stopped me while the deputies went off to parts unknown as far as I was concerned.

“Thanks for the help … you were more than right about the strength part,” he said, as pushed his hat back. “I don’t want to think of what would have happened if one of my deputies was in your place like we planned originally.”

“Think nothing of it … I was a little bored and had time to kill,” I said as I idly rubbed my hands.

“Still … what you did was a great service to Appleloosa. Here,” he said as he dug into a pouch on his jacket. “Take these bits as a payment for your help.”

He dropped the bag of bits into my hands in a mind blowing way.

He was an earth pony. No magic as far as I knew. Yet he somehow held the bag on his hoof when it was turned sideways, and it didn’t fucking drop! My logical side was yelling at me to shake the stallion silly and ask him how in a rather loud voice. Of course, I didn’t do that and instead just stared from behind my glasses.

When the bag was in my hand I just stared at it for a moment before looking back to the sheriff. He ended up saying one more thank you before heading off to the rest of his job. I merely tipped my cap in response, my mind still reeling from the physics-breaking demonstration I had just been given unknowingly.

I think I was still rather shell-shocked by that simple feat, that when I came to from my temporary catatonic state, I was sitting with my back against one of the wheels of Trixie’s trailer. It was actually a little shocking that I couldn’t explicitly remember walking over. Yet I knew I had time to kill, so instead of worrying about such things I merely spent the rest of the time doing inventory count and some cleaning of my weapons.

Yeah, it takes an hour or so usually to do all of that now. You never want to be too quick or it could cost you your life.

Let’s see, after I confirmed, via my iPod, that all three of the promised hours had passed, I gathered my gear up, repacked it and then walked to the front of the trailer.

Knock knock knock

I heard a few grumbles from the inside before the door finally opened to reveal a tired looking Trixie.

“What is it?” she asked, not fully recognizing who was in front of her, I think.

“It’s time,” I said.

She looked at me for a second, processing what I said before groaning and walking back inside, most likely to wake Gilda.

Do you mind if I skim through this section?

You don’t?

You do?

Make up your fucking mind! Screw it, I’m skimming.

So eventually Trixie and Gilda exited, proceeded to be amazed at how I actually had a net gain of bits with me, then went for coffee. That alone took about fifteen minutes before they appeared back at the trailer. There was small talk about what I did, which started and ended with saying I got two bottles of Ambershine. The reason it ended at that was because I actually saw Gilda smile sincerely at that statement. I swear, she was so close to actually showing affection. So close.

With that, we proceeded to leave town, once again following the train tracks as they continued to press west, but I knew that eventually we would encounter a turn in those tracks. It was inevitable. Never in all of my life had I heard of perfectly straight train tracks, they always curved. Though that’s not important right now, especially since most of you have never seen a train in your lives.

The next hour or so that we travelled was much like the previous hours in that not much was said. We all were left alone per se with our thoughts to keep us company, though much like every time we travelled, (you’ll learn of those later) Gilda spoke up to break the rather nice silence.

“So what did you do? Have a nap or something?”

“Nah, I went around town and did a few things. Nothing big really,” I replied casually.

“That’s what I’m asking about, doofus!” she said in her irate tone which I learned at this point was her normal tone more or less.

“Got some breakfast, and some whiskey all at once. Ever heard of this Ambershine?” I asked to which they both shook their heads. “Well, you get to tonight. After that, I helped the local sheriff deal with some buffalo diplomats or something like that. I wasn’t exactly paying too much attention when they met, all I knew is that their chief was young and idiotic. Tried to headbutt me.”

“Wait! A buffalo charged you?” Trixie asked in a baffled tone.

“No, I said one headbutted me. Besides it was no big deal, just used his own horns to send him flying off to the side. Apparently the elder buffalo with him were impressed that Appleloosa had such strength.”

“Let me guess, after that you, proceeded to fix the railroad or something like that?” Gilda said sarcastically.

“Nah, nothing that boring. Just did some inventory and cleaned my weapons,” I said with a dismissive wave of my hand.

“Riiight,” Gilda said as she rolled her eyes from her lounging position at the doorway of the trailer.

Now, just as we finished talking I noticed a figure moving towards us. Well not explicitly towards us, but more in an intercept path. What I mean by that is that we were headed west, and this pony, yes it was a pony, was headed south-ish. My first instinct was to draw my weapon and proceed to call out a halt order or be shot. Since, you know, that’s how it’s done in the Wasteland. Instead, I looked to Trixie, who merely shrugged.

After walking a few more meters, we stopped to ensure that said pony was just crossing us. Of course that wasn’t my luck. No, this unicorn mare which I could see finally was not going to be a random stranger but one of my most groan-filled encounters. See I would have been fine with a small battle or just a random stranger who uttered a premonition of utter doom, but no. We got something infinitely worse.

A travelling preacher.

At least that’s what I assumed it was afterwards.

“Greetings, travellers! You wouldn’t mind me … what are you?” the pink-ish unicorn mare asked me, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Human, and if that’s not enough, just think of a minotaur,” I said simply. I didn’t, and still don’t to this day, like explaining who I am, or in that case, what I am.

“Right … well, as I was saying, you wouldn’t mind taking a few moments from travelling to hear about Equalism? Would you?”

“No, we don’t. In fact, Trixie believes we are be-” Trixie started, but I cut her off by flicking her ear.

“Now, now, Trixie. Let her speak her piece, it’s the least we can do,” I said, hiding a small snicker behind an admonishing tone. Trixie merely glared at me, but when I looked down at her, I gave her a wink. She caught on fast enough.

“Fine, I suppose we have a moment,” Trixie replied, which got a massive groan from Gilda.

“That’s great to hear! Trust me, it will change your lives!” the unicorn mare said, a big grin plastered on her face. “Now, Equalism is a great social policy that aims to ensure that everyone in the world is happy beyond what they could possibly achieve on their own!”

“Communism,” I muttered behind a cough that was actually real. The dry air sometimes caused me to cough more than I liked.

“As I’ve learned over the years, that the cruelty of the world, especially among ponies is derived from our ability to truly be one among our society! You see, it’s because of cutie marks that we can’t be equal! How can we be equal when one of our defining traits is to be better than others? It’s not fair to everypony that strives to excel in any field, or for any other species for that matter,” she said with extra emphasis aimed at Gilda and I.

“Equalism has been proven to thrive among society, with an entire town having been formed through ponies that were weary of living in a world that was dominated by those who excel more than they do. So now, I’m traveling to spread my message of Equalism and help show everypony, as well as the world, just how horrible our cutie marks can be to all beings.”

“What happened to the town?” I asked, knowing that she was not prepared for such a question.

“What?” she asked, a little stunned.

“What happened to the town? I mean, I’m going to assume you are the creator of ‘Equalism’ so why are you moving from the town that succeeded so well? Wouldn’t you have others do that?”

She gave a small cough into her hoof, “You see, despite my best attempts to shelter them from such a hostile world, the society they had fled disliked the idea of Equalism and captured the town in a forceful raid. It was sad to see everything we had built be destroyed by those that oppress us. I was fortunate to escape when my followers skirted me away just in time.”

“Captain decides to abandon ship with the only lifeboat, huh?” I said.

“I am appalled, sir! How can you say such a thing?”

“Easy when sarcasm and humour go together with a sharp wit,” I responded. She was confused and thus this was my time to strike.

“So who runs this supposed Equalist society? I mean, based on everything you have said, it would seem that it was a legitimate paradise in which we are all equal so I must assume that everything is done via true democracy? You know, mob rules and all that?”

“Well, yes … that is indeed how it is run, though there would be an appointed head to oversee everyth-”

“So a republic, then? Voted via the people that follows their desires and makes sure that the needs are met without pushing their own desires first? Though that would be completely against your rules of your ideology since that would make someone greater than the rest.”

“Well, yes but I-”

“Ah! The only logical option then is Communism! That would assume that each and every single person, pony in this case, works completely for the state and that everything is communal. Truly equal for not a single soul has more of an advantage than anyone else. Though still … it would need a governance head to lead.” I was nowhere near done if I could help it.

“Which-”

“You would lead? I can assume, based on your cutie mark there,” I pointed to which was showing under her cape barely, “that you would be the one above the rest? Truly, if you followed your own ideology then you would have no cutie mark, yes? Or something that everyone else would have?”

“Of cour-”

“You know, this is sounding more like a cult, honestly. One led by a mare who believes that she is better than the rest,” I said, but before I could continue she interrupted me! How rude!

“Will you let me speak!?” She nearly screamed.

“Actually no,” I said immediately after. “I’m not going to let you speak because I’ve heard arguments exactly the same as yours propositioned by better leaders than you. Each time they went around saying how that by making everyone equal we would be better off, since then everyone thrives. You know what happens? A slow decline before death of the society. I’m going to give you a great example here.”

“There was a class in a university that was studying history among other things. The top percent of the class was doing really well on their exams but the lower half were struggling. While the top half were working their butts off to pass each exam, the lower half was often out partying and doing nothing to help their situation. So the teacher proposed a great idea, everyone would get the same mark as the top person in the class. Of course, the lower half was completely thrilled by this notion, while the top half was skeptical at best, furious at worst.”

“So the first exam, under the new system came around, and the teacher was pleased to announce that everyone got A’s on the exam. The lower half was beyond happy at this while the top half was completely appalled that those who didn’t study hard were able to get such a great grade. This of course really hit home with a few, who made up their minds that they would do the same and not study at all. So the next exam came around and everyone got an A again, which had the same effect as the last exam. More students decided to coast off the others, which started their train to disaster. With each passing exam, less and less people studied. A’s turned to B’s, B’s into C’s. and so on until multiple exams were flunked.”

“Eventually the final came around, and by that point most students were barely passing, hoping that someone would study. Bullying and fear mongering became apparent and it came to a point where some refused to actually attend class because of the deal. Prior to the final, the teacher offered the old way back, much to the luck of those who actually studied usually. The vote was unanimously in favour of the old way, but with only a day before the final, there was no way for them to essentially relearn the course. In the end, nearly the entire class failed because of the idea that all should have equal marks.”

“The only way to get everyone to comply under this ‘Equalism’ is through an oppressive regime that would be seen as tyrannical to those outside of it. In such a regime, there will never be true happiness … just oppression. Now perhaps, you had managed to somehow get their throne of Equestria, what are you going to do about the rising of the sun and moon? You know, assuming that you can get the two diarchs to submit to you and all that.”

She was looking shocked at everything I told her, so it was time to wrap that up and let it be.

“Think twice before you follow something like that. It hurts more in the end. Sure, there are ponies who see it as awesome, but that is until the thing they like to do the most is taken from them since they are no longer good at it. So right now … right now, I suggest you walk away and think long and hard about what you are doing,” I said finally before starting to walk past her, the pink mare just standing there in shock at what I had said.

Trixie also started moving with me, not wanting to deal with the mare anymore, at least that’s what I assumed. I didn’t care. Much like I didn’t care when she yelled out ‘buck you’ as we kept walking. I glanced over my shoulder to see she was still where we left here, then promptly decided to flip the bird at her.

So we continued on our way, though I noticed that Trixie was glancing at me every once in awhile. I could safely say we had been walking for about ten minutes before Gilda broke another silence.

“Wow, dude … wow. That was … that was fucking brutal,” she said, much to Trixie’s minor shock and my delight. They grew up so fast!

“Don’t get me started … her Equalism is the exact same as communism in my world and I fucking hate it. It’s never been successful for long … though that’s also because of conflicting ideals. Take to mind that I don’t like republics either since they can easily become corrupted. That and the demented version of capitalism, crony-capitalism, that plagued our society. I just hate communism a little bit more since it’s a rights and freedom remover,” I said, a look of disgust on my face that they couldn’t see, but it was there. I finished that line of thought off by muttering, “Never discuss politics and religion with friends. It almost always clashes.”

Things died down back into silence for awhile after that. And for awhile, I mean until nightfall hit. I’m not kidding either, it was a really long silence that was as much awkward as it was long. Well kind of. I’ll explain.

Now, that was hours of silence, as in about five hours. Yes, five hours. You might ask, how was that possible, well I’ll tell you a little secret. See, when I mean silence, I usually refer to my involvement in any conversation. While there were periods of time when we all didn’t speak, Gilda and Trixie actually held some conversations while I kept my mouth shut.

I don’t remember all they talked about, sometimes about Trixie’s travels, sometimes about griffons, and sometimes about trivial things. I always kept an ear on the conversation to see if I needed to actually hear anything of importance, but for the most part it was futile. They didn’t ask me my opinion, so why would I have needed to interject or truly pay deep attention?

Though the only tidbit of info that I heard was Gilda finally opening up, which actually wasn’t much as she was asked why she was going to Ponyville, and Gilda merely said she had to visit a friend. Then they went back to things that were pointless to me.

When you travel so long by yourself you learn to enjoy silence. I had learned a long time ago that the most entertaining thing I can garnish from travelling was my thoughts. That’s also a tie back to the painter joke by the way.

As the daylight gave way to the soft glow of the moon and its rather enjoyable presence, I looked skyward to see the shimmering sea of stars start to unfold. I’ve told you how I loved the night, right? Yeah, I told you yesterday! Seriously, you want me to expand on it more? Fuck … right!

So, when I was really young I used to be actually scared of the night and afraid of the monsters that lurked in it. I was but a mere child back then and have since grown, but it was also when I was a child that I learned the beauty of the night. My father used to ask me to sit and watch stormy nights with him, in the garage. We would simply sit and watch the beauty of the falling rain and the night sky that was covered by the grey and overwhelming clouds.

We would talk, father to son in a way that only a young child and his father can. Knowledge being passed down at a young age that would undoubtedly be lost by the next day, yet I remember the moments fondly, not for what we talked about but instead for the scene itself.

As I grew older we did it less and less but, that didn’t mean there wasn’t a feeling of enjoyment when a storm rolled through on a late night. Yet as I continued to age, I began to see the night sky without the clouds as a more beautiful thing. The crisp air that can only be brought around during night time, and the dim light that overtook the world made everything seem so much more awe-inspiring.

Many people I knew couldn’t wait for the next day to begin so that they could do everything they desired, yet I often wanted the night to continue more and more. Urging it to stay and let me see the wonders it beheld. So when I was old enough that I didn’t have to listen to my parents as to when I should go to bed, I stayed up, eager to bask in the night. Others started to see the bonuses as well, but their views on it shifted towards partying and drinking … I didn’t mind such things, but I was more eager to go out and see the night from different places.

During our family reunions I was usually one of the last to go to bed, drinking in the night as much as possible. If I had my way, I would have simply packed up supplies, taken one of my guns, and walked into the wilderness just to be able to get the best viewing at night. Of course the park had a gun ban so that wasn’t allowed.

When the world ended, and the light pollution from cities became nothing but a memory, I often found places to sleep in the day while I moved in the night. Though I learned quickly that there were more predators that were far more well equipped than I was to live at night. Now, I travel twenty-four hours at a time, to enjoy both aspects of the world.

Enough about that, let me continue with the story.

Once night had fallen, our travelling slowed over time. We had made such great progress during the day that it was understandable that we would stop earlier than desired. Eventually we all mutually agreed that we would make camp for the night.

Thankfully all the supplies we needed for the night were all in Trixie’s trailer. Of course you all know that’s where we carried our stuff, but did you know that we kept leftover pieces of firewood so that we could make another one? Exactly!

We had stored enough firewood for us to easily make another three fires, and given that Trixie apparently knew some magic that would also create a fire source for us, we were well off. So we all went about our tasks of preparing to set up a small camp for the night. Trixie got the food out for us, I started up the fire pit, and Gilda laid out cushions for us to sit on while we sat around the fire and ate.

Trixie had some fried vegetables again, as well as some cooked oats that she held over the fire in a heatable container. Gilda was fine with just the leftover boar, while I ate some of that as well as some of Trixie’s vegetables. Got to get in those daily vegetables you know.

Now you might be wondering how I ate with my scarf around my face. In fact I bet you’ve been wondering that since I talked about breakfast. Sure, I ate without it during breakfast but this time I simply pushed one scarf a little further down so that it left a small opening around my mouth. The only reason I did this was because I wanted to make a point of unveiling my face when we drink the whiskey.

I willingly let silence permeate the area while we ate. I always believed that talk was better suited for either before eating or after when someone broke out the alcohol. Not just beer mind you, since that was a common dinner drink among many people, but I’m talking the harder stuff. In that particular case, I’m referring to Ambershine.

When we had indeed finished our meals, I proceeded to stoke the fire a little bit more before reaching into my pack and bringing the beautiful Ambershine bottles to bear. Trixie was apparently one step ahead of me, as she brought out three drinking glasses for us all just as I took the Ambershine out of my pack.

“Let me tell you two something before I open one of these. I’ve led a long life that has been filled with many litres of whiskey. I’ve had bottles from all over my world, at least four from each continent alone, but in my life I have only experienced one whiskey that was better than the bottle I am currently holding. So pass me the glasses so I may pour out one of the finest whiskey’s I have ever let touch my lips,” I said before twisting the top off.

Trixie utilized her cheater magic to float all three glass up in front of me. While I gave her a minor glare for being able to do that in the first place, I proceeded to pour the whiskey in each glass until they all had around a third of a glass. Mind you these drinking glasses were maybe my palm length in height.

I took my glass from Trixie’s magic before taking a deep sniff of the beautiful stuff. A pleasant shiver went down my spine at its smell once more. Then I held up my glass in front of me.

“First off let me say that is has been fun travelling so far and that I hope it stays that way,” I said simply seeing them nod in agreement. “Secondly I would like to say that at this point, you two are the closest I’ve had to a friend in a long time. So because I consider you both friends, I think you’ve earned the right to finally see my face.”

“Bucking finally!” Gilda said with a chuckle amongst her sarcastic tone.

“I know! It must be a dream come true for you, huh?” I replied back. At that we all laughed heartily before I set my glass down beside me. It was time!

I took the top most scarf on my head before slowly drawing it downward so that it finally was bunched up around my neck. To me it was nothing really special, but by the way they looked at me, it was as if I was an entirely different person.

“And here I thought you were hairless,” Gilda muttered as she stared at my bushy dark brown beard that I revealed.

“Is that the only place you grow hair? Trixie is curious since you have none on your head,” the blue mare said, which earned a grin in response. It was the first time they ever saw me smile, though that wasn’t as big of a deal apparently.

“Nah, humans can grow hair essentially everywhere, though it’s all about thickness. Body hair on guys is thicker than girls but still not like ponies, while women tend to have more hair on the top of their heads than guys do. Guys though grow facial hair such as this, while women can barely due such a thing, not that most of them want to, mind you.”

To that they both hummed as they continued to stare at me for a while before looking down at the glass of whiskey they each still held.

“Ahh yes, let us drink of this beautiful liquid! A toast to safe travels and fun adventures,” I said, to which they both gave a nod of approval before we all slammed back the entire third. At least those two tried.

I bellowed a laugh as they started coughing slightly. While Ambershine was the second best whiskey I had ever tasted, it was also a very strong whiskey, so if they were not used to it I wouldn’t have expected anything less.

As they struggled to get their coughing under control, I proceeded to pour myself more. They eventually asked for more, to which I obliged them. This time though, they took it slow and sipped the whiskey. I smiled before a thought came to mind. I had actually never seen what type of whiskey I was given back in Dodge.

Can you guess what I found?

Haha! You’re right! More Ambershine! Truly the golden nectar of the gods!

As I poured out a third glass for all of us, I looked at Trixie, a question bubbling to mind. “Hey, Trixie … you’ve never said much about yourself … mind giving us a little background?”

“Hmm,” the blue mare said as she took another sip of Ambershine. “Trixie will only speak if you do as well. Trixie would like to hear more about you.”

“Wonderful,” I said with a raised glass. “We’ll all go around and give some background!”

“Wait! I didn’t agree to this bucking idea!” Gilda protested after spitting out some of the Ambershine.

“First, Gilda, apologize for the blasphemy you did by spitting out the whiskey. Second, let’s put it as a way for you to pay me back for helping you. What good are travelling companions if you know nothing about them?”

Of course the question was rhetorical, but I could tell that Gilda was actually searching for an answer to said question. Though eventually she visibly deflated and I took that as a sign that she accepted the deal.

“Now, Trixie … why don’t you start?” I said before refilling my cup.

“Trixie’s tale is nothing special, despite what she has said to many others. Trixie was raised as an only foal by her mother and father in Manehatten. Trixie led a normal life until she found her true calling in being one of the greatest mages of all time! With her talent, Trixie went to Canterlot’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Unfortunately it was there that Trixie stumbled. She was outpaced by students that were more gifted at the school work. Trixie passed, mind you, but her talent alone didn’t make her that noticeable among the other students. Eventually though, during a night out with some others, Trixie found out she desired being up on stage and performing. You could say Trixie found the true reason for her cutie mark. It wasn’t long after that that Trixie began performing as she is now.”

“Have you always spoke in third person … or third pony if you want to be correct, I guess?” I asked, having only taken issue with that one little bit of her story.

“Trixie doesn’t understand what you mean by third pony. Trixie has always spoken like this,” she said, giving me a confused look.

“Right …” I said before looking at my glass and downing the rest in a single gulp.

As I poured myself more, both of them started to look at me in anticipation. If I had wanted to be funny I would have asked them if I had something on my face. Though I wasn’t feeling down or anything, I just figured that they can only take so much of my quick wit for one day. So I decided to cut to the chase.

“You want to know about moi? Well, lets see … I too was an only child. Born in one of the northern-most countries in the world, though that isn’t to say we had snow all the time. Just more in the winter than the rest of the world, ‘cause Canada is like that. I loved my parents to death for they constantly opened my eyes to new things and realities of the world even when I wasn’t around them. When I was a teenager and an early adult, I played a sport called baseball. Simple sport in design, one guy throws a ball, another tries to hit it with a wooden bat. If that person hits it, they have to run the bases while the others try to get him out via throwing the ball to a person at the first base or tagging him if he’s not on a base. Though you’re not here to listen to me ramble about a sport.”

“Anyways, I wanted to do that for a living and while I was good at it, I was just not that good. Eventually I opted to follow in my dad’s footsteps and become an electrician. Though I barely got anywhere in that career when the world all but ended. I call it The Reckoning, but essentially it as an apocalypse brought on by certain bastards that were complete assholes. Though that isn’t to say we were the sole reason for it. Nah, the planet apparently hated us and fought back. Long story short, not a single place was left with the same climate that it had before the Reckoning. Since then, I have spent the better part of two decades travelling and living on the road. Everyday's an adventure for me.”

“Any questions for me?” I offered, hoping that it was limited to none.

“Trixie probably already knows, but must ask. Do you have a cutie mark or something similar?”

I chuckled at that before replying with the obvious, “No, we don’t have cutie marks. The closest thing we could possibly have is tattoos that we get via ink being shot into the skin to dye it. I have a few tattoos on me, though the only one you’re going to get to see is my forearm one, only because it’s easy to show.”

With that I rolled up the sleeve on my right arm to show them that just before my elbow was what looked like a black ring that wrapped around my entire forearm. Though they moved closer to inspect it further and saw what it truly is.

In fact, I’ll show you right now. Come closer for a moment and you can see.

As you can see, and what they saw, it appears to be a top down look on a snake that is eating its own tail. A very detailed snake at that.

I tell you what I said for them, and that’ll suffice in explaining it to you.

“That is an ouroboros, or also known as the snake that eats its own tail. In many cultures it means many different things. For the most part it symbolizes cyclicality and a never ending cycle of re-creation and return. I think a culture or two might have viewed it as time or something like that, but I prefer the idea that it represents that life is all about cycles no matter what we look at. A great saying that actually goes with this tattoo, one that I have that tattooed on my left bicep actually, is that ‘those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.’ A common phrasing on a quote by George Santayana. It reminds me to never fall into the same pattern as those who came before me,” I said before rolling up the sleeve once more.

“Trixie thinks that is a worthy reason to mar one’s body,” she said with an air of finality.

“Good use of the word ‘mar,’ Trixie,” I said simply before turning to look at Gilda, who seemed to visibly shrink under the lack of a withering stare from me. Seriously, the griffon looked as though I was aiming to pluck out every single feather of hers and then cook her alive. Which, let me tell you right now is something only a psycho thinks about. If any of you thought about it, then get yourself fucking checked up on by a doctor or something.

Anyways, eventually Gilda seemed to pick up on the lull in the conversation and realised that it was her turn. At least that’s what it looked like to me, no one knows what goes through other people’s brains.

Now, just a little thing to note before I get into this part. First off, what I tell you here is basically all I’m willing to tell you in general. She does in fact speak to me about her past in detail, and I will mentioned that we have a conversation about it, but in no way am I going to share it with you. Her past is a private thing to her, and by telling you all, I’d be breaking said trust, even if we are on different planets or whatever.

So to fully clarify for those who are a little slow in this crowd; I will tell you what she told me and Trixie at that campfire. I will not tell you about the future instance when she confides in me. I will not accept questions regarding her past. Alright? Cool.

“I …” she started but stopped before looking back down at the glass of whiskey she still had. At first, I was going to sigh and go over to her and tell her that she didn’t have to if she couldn’t bring herself to remember.

Of course, that idea was thrown away when she quickly knocked back the whiskey before tossing the glass over to me. Former baseball players are always ready to catch something, so no broken glass that time.

“One thing you have to know is that in griffon culture, honour is a key aspect of our lives. If we do something that dishonours our family or ourselves … well it is a big deal, okay? My family was a minor noble family, only because my dad served in the Griffon Regiment with Equestria’s Second Legion back in the day. He even ran it for a bit. He wanted to have two sons so he could teach them to follow in his path. He got one son, and he got me. When he drank he often let it slip he wanted another son. I found this out though when I was young, when he essentially raised me as though I was another son. My mother was loving but she let him go about his ways, she was often caught up in trying to be more important than what we were … you know, trying to rise in the noble ranks,” she said before I handed her another glass of whiskey.

“Is that why you are bitchy?” I asked before taking a sip, myself.

“Wha-” she said initially, but cut herself off before trying again. “Yeah … I guess so.”

It was quiet for a moment before Gilda took another sip of her liquid courage so she could talk about it again.

“When I was about seven, my father wanted me to go to Cloudsdale and have the best teaching in aerial aspects of life. There I met my only real friend in Rainbow Dash. We hit it off quickly and it was a lasting friendship until the academy days were over … then I had to return. When I returned, my dad was even more bitter than I remembered. He was … he was hard on me … I grew to resent him. I rebelled against him and his decisions for my life, not wanting to follow in his footsteps. I tried to get away to Ponyville for a bit, but … I messed up. I mess up and went back home, thinking maybe it was just best if I went along with it until he croaked.”

“It didn’t work, did it?” Trixie asked.

“No … he caught me doing …” she shook her head for a second, trying to clear that thought out. “It was about last year that mom and him thought I brought dishonour to the house, and started to shame me as much as he could. Guilt tripping me or whatever his fucked up mind thought I was doing. Yet it was just him … just him and mom that thought it was shameful … no other griffon cared or even thought anything like they did! … but they didn’t listen. They just kept hammering at me until about a week ago. There was a massive fight between us … and it left me without a home. So I flew … I just flew as far west as I could, hoping to just keep flying forever. You know the rest.”

She had barely choked out the last part of the story, letting her distress finally come to a head. No matter how tough anyone is, there is always something that brings about some form of breakdown. That was GIlda’s.

I simply moved over to her, sat down beside her despite the lack of pillow under me to sit on, and hugged her. At that moment I didn’t see her as the wounded and grumpy griffon that she had been portraying herself as, despite her constant slip ups in her personality. No, I saw her closer to a little girl that had her family torn from her life, even if they had done the tearing. She needed comfort before anything, and I was the one that would comfort her no matter what.

I guess it was there that ignited a revelation about that later on in the story. Sorry for foreshadowing and leaving you hanging, but in the end you’ll hear about that at least.

I just held her that way, as she buried her face in my side, her tears still slowly falling down her face. Though luckily she wasn’t audibly crying. I only consider that lucky since I was assuming that a griffon, which is part eagle or something, would have some sort of incredible vocal pitch.

I think we just sat by the fire like that for a good thirty minutes until Gilda was all cried out. She eventually moved herself away from me, wiping away the tears that were still under her eyes. She looked at me for a second before slowly making her way back into the trailer. The entire time, Trixie was staring at me as though I was mad.

“Trixie is-” she started.

“Confused?” I offered.

“No, baffled as to why you just let her go like that. Trixie has seen many a stallion use such situations to ‘go comfort’ her,” she said, using her hooves to make air quotes. I merely shook my head at her before standing up and stretching.

“There are a few reason I can think of as to why I’m not going to follow her any time soon. Some of the obvious ones involve me and the trailer. One of the less obvious one is that Gilda is probably half my age, Trixie. That probably goes for you as well,” I said before turning my neck to crack it. When I looked back at her I sighed, letting myself slump briefly. “I’m far past the age or even desire to be with another, Trixie. The one I had loved died during the Reckoning, and it left a hole in me, Trixie. One that won’t be filled in my world or this world.”

With that I picked up my gear, stowing the Ambershine in the pack before moving it over to the trailer, and proceeding to place it on top of the trailer. I heard the shuffle of hooves behind me, and then the door to the trailer opened slightly before closing. It made me make a mental note to get some oil for the hinges. The wagon probably need a little bit of a good fix up. If I had the right material I could have done it for her then and there, but I didn’t.

I went over to the still flickering campfire, and proceeded to pour the remnants of Gilda’s whiskey onto the fire. She hadn’t finished her last glass and the fire would be a nice thing to have going for at least some of the night. There wasn’t much grass around, let alone near the campfire so there was no threat of it catching from an ember.

I stared at it for a little bit, deep philosophical thoughts going through my head. Nah, I don’t feel like talking them over for they were rather depressing at the time. A lot of it had to do with fire and instances in my life. Eventually I just turned around and proceeded to climb up on top of the trailer.

The night air was anything but cold, really. It was a surprise considering that usually in the desert, the night was a polar opposite of the day in terms of temperature. My closest guess was that it was a nice twelve degrees celsius outside. That was beautiful considering my clothes added a nice thick layer.

I pulled out a small blanket from my pack, one that I usually used to rest my head on when I slept. Which is exactly what I did that night as well: folded it up and proceeded to rest my head.

Like the previous nights I simply looked up at the stars for a bit, loving the way they shined. It looked as though someone had created a painting for the entire world to view from below. Of course that reminded me about what Trixie said earlier. Princess Luna ... raises the moon, and can apparently dreamwalk based on last night. That only made me chuckle, because it brought to mind the idea that after she raises the moon each night, she would then meticulously place each star as well.

I chuckled to myself at the time, finding it funny. Now … you don’t even want to know really. Seriously, it would cause a scientist’s brain to explode. Anyone here old enough to have seen Scanners? Two of you? Nice! Yeah, you remember the scene I’m implying, right? Yep, just like that.

So as I drifted off to sleep, I realised that I would most likely get visited by the Princess again. Eventually I would have to stop avoiding her, so I decided then and there to lay a trap for her. Let her talk to me on my terms.

Now, I’m going to tell you straight up, that before I went to sleep I contemplated what happened the previous night. I’m not going to bother rambling through the entire process but eventually, based on what I remembered her saying, she often visited dreams that seemed negative in their feeling. Of course, later I learned that was true only because she wanted to help others.

Got it? Good, back to the story.

Now, the trap I had in mind was nothing devious but I planned on having any discussion with the Princess on my own terms. So when I closed my eyes and found myself in a black featureless land, I immediately called up a personal home theatre set up. I had used it before when I wanted to remember videos from before. It’s amazing what one can do when they are able to tap into their long term memory.

Trust me, you can’t do it. It was a side effect from the Berlin story once more. Nothing crazy, except that I seemed to be able to remember a lot of things very vividly. That’s actually how I can remember this entire story!

So with the movie theatre set up, I needed to play something that would entice the Princess to come investigate.

Long story short, I remembered a moment from my childhood that is heart wrenching for me even now. So I watched.

And watched.

And watched.

No, I’m not telling you about what I was watching, that one is private, alright? There is a lot of things I can remember that I could tell you about, but that moment … that’s between me and my family.

So eventually I was beginning to think that she wouldn’t come that night. Then I felt a disturbance in the dream, just outside the door to the movie theatre. Finally she had arrived. As soon as she was in my dream, I would contort it to fit my needs. That was the plan, and you know how I say that plans never survive first contact?

This one did.

She entered the theatre carefully, inspecting what was going on. The moment she had entered, I stopped the video that was playing and dimmed the lights before changing the screen so that one of those old school countdown screens played. This of course got her interest.

Now, I don’t have this video on me obviously, but I will tell you that the movie I chose to start off the dream when she entered was a hilarious choice. Super Troopers is always a hilarious choice no matter the situation.

Mother of God! You remember it? Haha! That’s awesome! You are an awesome person and should be given a medal for just remembering it. Unfortunately because you spoke up, you get to describe the movie for us!

…

…

…

Yep, that about sums it up completely. Good job, rookie!

Anyway, when she fully was in the theatre, the door behind her closed and locked immediately. I think she was a little frightened at that because I heard the sound of all four of her hooves hit the ground. A little jumpy she was.

“Come, take a seat. The one next to me is fitted for you,” I said, not turning away from the opening scene. She couldn’t see me over the massive chair I was sitting it, yet I could see her because it was my dream. This was one of the few times that I truly enjoyed a dream. Only because I got to make said Lunar Princess nervous as fuck.

Eventually the sound of her hooves escalated in sound until she appeared around the side of the chair next to me. The one that, like I said, was made for her. I think the fact that I was sitting in the other chair stunned her. Now, this time I didn’t have to use my ability to shape my dream to see her shock, because she was standing just at the edge of my vision.

“Yes, I know,” I said before gesturing to the seat beside me. “Sit. This is one of the best parts.”

She did exactly that, so I didn’t miss Thorny and Rabbit start their game of messing with the three idiots in the car. At multiple times she opened her mouth to speak to me but I simply raised my hand to tell her to keep quiet. Sure it was a bit rude but at the same time, I needed something funny.

Eventually the title of the movie came up, and from that point on I knew it was going to be funny, but I had time to talk to her.

“So, how about we start with greetings this time, miss intrude into my dreams unannounced?” I offered as I turned to look at her.

Now, most of you know what she looks like because last time I told you about the previous encounter, but I think I’ll give another description. Princess Luna, was a deeper shade of blue than Trixie, and stood a good bit taller than her, just judging by size. Of course there was the obvious facts that she had a horn and wings, but that was pointless at the moment. To me she was just another pony … one that was able to enter my dreams, mind you. Her mane was … well the best definition would be aethereal, but trying to explain that alone to you would be tougher than it would take to say it wasn’t hair like normal but instead seemed to be closer a really intricate cloth that you could probably put your hand through. Oddly enough, you could actually see what looked like the night sky in it … yeah, puzzle that one out will ya? I’m still trying to understand how.

“Oh ... “ she said with a blush. “I’m Princess Luna, guardian of dreams. The only reason I barged in was because I felt such negative emotions coming off of it.”

“Being sad and regretful are not negative, Luna. They help you understand who you are and where you come from. It is impossible to never be sad in your life, no matter how much you repress it,” I said simply before conjuring a small glass of whiskey in my hand. “Want a glass? Ambershine is an amazing whiskey.”

She looked dazed for a moment, staring off into space as though I had told her the secrets of the universe.

“Luna?” I asked again.

“Oh … my apologies, I was just … just getting over the fact that you didn’t use my title,” she said with a weak grin. I didn’t press further, but instead let her take the glass out of my hand.

“I’m informal for the most point, with the only exception being when my life is on the line. Anyway, my name is Ryan, and welcome to my dreams, I guess,” I said before turning back to the movie to catch another hilarious moment.

Luna seemed to chuckle a little at the screen as well. Though her attention turned back to me. “May I ask what you are? I’ve … never seen anything like you in my life, and I have lived a long time.”

“Human,” I said simply, giving it a second before I decided to elaborate. “I’m not surprised you’ve never seen a human before. I can only assume that humans didn’t exist on this planet until I awoke here three days ago.”

Much to my surprise, her eyes didn’t exactly widen at the answer I gave her. Though at the same time I could see realization take over her appearance. “Ah, you must have fallen through the portal.”

“... portal?” I asked, my curiosity completely piqued at that one word.

“Yes, the Crystal Mirror acts as a portal to your world and ours. A friend of mine, Twilight Sparkle, visited the world about a year back. She said it was fascinating and even gave an acute description of the place, after having a rather magical adventure with her friends at the school. I guess seeing a human up close is a bit of a surprise … though as to why you aren’t a pony if the portal works both ways …” she explained before rubbing a hoof against her chin in a pondering pose. “Still, it is good to know that at least you are well in the care of the Crystal Empire.”

“Aaah, nevermind. You’re wrong on all accounts, Luna,” I said before taking another sip. When I looked back at her, she looked as though I had slapped her. “I never came through a magical mirror. Just ended up in the middle of a desert. First town I came upon was Dodge City, not this Crystal Empire. Actually … did Twilight say anything about the people she met there?”

At first it took a second for Luna to recover from the fact a ‘human’ had come from somewhere that wasn’t the portal. “Twilight Sparkle had said that it bore an uncanny resemblance to our world in that many of the people were named the same and even had the same colour as their pony counterparts in-”

I cut her off with a hand wave. “Sorry to interrupt, Luna, but definitely not the same world. I’ve seen the coats of ponies and in my world there is no such thing as a blue human. Well not unless they dye themselves blue.”

This actually brought a look that surprised me. I originally thought she was going to be shocked, but instead she apparently was excited. “Art thou saying that we are the first to have met thee?”

I looked at her for a second before taking my sunglasses and putting them on the brim of my hat, then pulling down my scarves before resting my elbow on the arm of the chair, and my face on my open palm of that arm. The expression was obvious to Luna … extremely obvious.

“Oh my! I’m sorry! When I get really excited I still slip into Old Equestrian,” she said as she tried to cover her face and subsequent blush with her hooves.

“No worries, my tick is that I swear a lot. We all have one,” I say before removing myself from that position. “Though to answer you, no you aren’t. I ran into a griffon that was injured and she would be the first.”

“Shit,” Luna muttered, swiping a hoof through the air. I just gave her a massive grin. “What? Why are you grinning like that?”

“You are the first being in this world that has used a legit swear on instinct,” I said before leaning over and reaching an arm across Luna’s withers (that’s a horse’s shoulders!) and pulling her close. “This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, I can already see it! We’re going to go far with our natural swearing abilities! First Equestria, then the world!”

That got her giggling pretty heavily, which I saw when I let go, and just like anything these inhabitants do, it was fucking adorable. After her finishing died down we merely sat in silence for a few moments, my focus on the movie and her focus on me.

“May I ask a few questions?” she asked seemingly out of nowhere.

“It’s why I set this up. If I wanted to bolt, I could have done so by now,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone, my elation having waned off rather quickly. “Though space the questions out, kills time faster.”

She nodded before taking a second to ponder what question she wanted to ask first, or at least that’s how I saw it. “How are you able to morph dreams? Do you know how to dreamwalk as well … no no no, that’s assuming you know how to use magic …”

“You are correct in that regards, I don’t know how to use magic. I can shape dreams because I am a lucid dreamer,” I said, which earned an inquisitive look. I knew exactly what the look was for. “A lucid dreamer is one that can realise they are in a dream. The moment one becomes aware they are dreaming, they gain the ability to morph it into whatever they want. Believe me, I could make up some weird dreams if I wanted to … or if I was much younger.”

“Liiiiiike?” Luna said in a drawn out way as she edged closer. I could smell the trap from a mile away.

“No. Next question.”

“Spoil sport,” she said as she stuck out her tongue … ponies apparently blow the best raspberries.

“By the way, you only get two more questions before we go question a piece,” I said as I refilled my drink with a brand new bottle of Ambershine. Best part about drinking in your dreams is that you don’t get drunk!

“What is your current situation, soldier?” Luna asked in a surprisingly serious tone, and she apparently thought that my gear meant I was military. I could see the smirk on her face, it was probably there because she thought she had guessed something about me.

“First off, I’m not a soldier despite your guess,” to which she muttered another ‘shit,’ “and secondly, my situation is that I am travelling west, past Appleloosa in the company of one griffon and one unicorn mare.”

“Interesting, I can only assume that eventually your travels will take you to Ponyville. You should talk to Twilight Sparkle there. Maybe she can help you,” she said while rubbing her chin.

“That is our destination, though not by my own choice. Going there for the other two,” I said simply. “Last question before it’s my turn.”

“Fine,” she said, blowing me another raspberry. “Hmm … ah! If you are not a soldier, like you claim, then how come you have apparel and items that look the part?”

“That would be asking me what my world is like … in the same question,” I said in a flat tone before grinning, “crafty, crafty there.”

“Thank you!” she replied before taking a small bow.

“Well, my world essentially decided to hit the reset button, nearly literally. Our humans, while amazing and benevolent at most times, have a history of cultivating some of the worst scum without even knowing it. Long story short on that is that eventually the scum started to rule more often than the benevolent people. Said scum then tried to initiate a global takeover, as far as I’m concerned, and it ended causing a new world war that started the apocalypse of our planet. Billions, yes I said billions, died, while billions, yes I said billions again, still lived amazingly enough. That changed though when the world itself, and take the fact that we don’t have magic in our world into consideration first, decided to tell us that we fucked up in the most abrupt way possible. Days of completely ridiculous weather and disasters struck until the human race was once more into the millions. Now, I have no clue on the exact number, but I doubt it’s even close to a billion anymore.”

“Wow,” Luna whispered through her hooves that were covering her muzzle in shock.

“Yeah, but I’m not done. After that, society decided to fall down the rest of the drain until we had no major cities, and the only surviving ‘towns’ were ones that, maybe, numbered up to a couple hundred. All of that happened nearly two decades ago … or over two decades ago. When global methods of counting days are removed and each person is forced to do it for themselves … well it gets kind of rough to tell. Hell, the only way I know it was two decades was because i met someone who kept track. Crazy one, he was.”

Luna just continued to look at me in shock as I continued speaking.

“Now as for the gear, this is what I have accumulated over that period of time. Everything you see me wearing, minus what I carry in my two packs and my rifle, is what I take with me wherever I go, no matter what. The world has a weird climate so I keep the scarves around my face so I am prepared for anything. My clothing is insulated perfectly for cold temperatures, yet at the same time it is breathable enough for hot temperatures for me. I’m over forty, Luna. I was there when the world collapsed and I’m still around as the world attempts to rebuild. I’ve honed my survival skills to a degree of perfection. I may not be a soldier, but I’m the closest damn thing to the Lone Wanderer, The Chosen One, Vault Dweller, The Courier, and Mad Max … minus a car.”

Though still shocked, she also had a look of confusion on her face. I simply rolled my eyes before conjuring up a little sheet that held my knowledge of what those characters were. I turned my attention back to the movie as she read it over. It wasn’t meant to be lengthy, just enough to understand what I was implying.

It was amazing how quickly time flew in a dream when one monologues or converses with a pony princess. The last scene from Super Troopers was playing, which meant the next movie needed to be picked right after. When everything was normal, I had a massive movie collection … now all I have left is my memories.

I know someone asked for a little dose of depressing, and there you have it!

Eventually Luna handed me back the sheet, which I promptly crumpled up and proceeded to throw behind the chairs. “So, there was your answer.”

“I never expected that your life could have been through so many hardships in such a brief time,” she said, sorrow lining her voice.

“There are always those who have suffered worse, Luna. People like me are lucky … the people who died at the beginning were even luckier, I assume. Don’t feel too bad for me, Luna. I might have moments in my life that are a cause for sadness but as long as I am still breathing, walking, and laughing, I never let those moments get to me.”

She nodded her head solemnly for a moment.

“Movie’s done. You get to pick the next one,” I said before handing her three dvd boxes to look at.

She looked at the for a few moments, scanning the back of the box and reading the synopsis. Eventually she handed … hoofed me back Thin Red Line. “This one. I’m guessing that this one is closer to showing me about your world then the rest?”

“Somewhat … this is about a campaign fought in World War Two. The war was only about seven years according to normal history standards. I believe the build up and the rise of the Axis Powers, prior to the outbreak of war, should be counted. Anyways, this focuses on a single island battle. One fought over a longer period of time than it was supposed to take. Bloody and emotional yet a very powerful movie.”

“You’ve got me intrigued!” she said, a small smile adorning her face.

As the movie started, I simply sat back and enjoyed watching Luna watch the movie, as well as the movie itself. It was nice and relaxing, not to mention quiet … aside from the movie that was playing. It was around halfway through the movie that Luna actually looked over at me, puzzled.

“Aren’t you going to ask a question?”

“Not tonight. There will be other nights to talk, this is a nice way to relax … assuming you have no duties to fulfill to others with your dream guarding.”

“No. There has been so few nightmares over the past few days. Besides, I am always monitoring to see if they come up,” she said before apparently getting an idea. “Do you know what popcorn is?”

I didn’t even answer, didn’t need to. All I needed to do was create a bucket of popcorn for Luna and I to share as we continued to watch the movie. She was extremely content with the popcorn because not only did she devour the bucket rather quickly, but also had quite a few audible moans while eating it. Apparently human popcorn was damn amazing, you know … despite all the shit that went into the butter and seasoning.

I’ll be honest with you all. We really did nothing else but watch movies that night. I mean, I can list them off, but what would be the point considering that there is such a small chance you could even play a movie … let alone the ones I mention.

You seriously want to hear the titles? Alright, fine.

After Thin Red Line, we watched Serenity which Luna quite enjoyed because it was all about space. Following that, I chose something a little slower with Moneyball. Luna liked the idea of baseball which made me think that perhaps in a dream we would play it. Following that, I nixed her idea of watching a romantic comedy … mainly because they suck and I don’t remember a single one.

The last two movies we ended with were Elysium, which was one of my personal favourites despite the reviews when it came out. She seemed a little upset at the predicament that the world was in but did rejoice at the finale, though some tears came to her eyes when Max died. Finally we ended with Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. Classic comedy, nothing more to say about that. Well that and Luna actually snorted often when she laughed full blown instead of giggling.

She eventually parted ways when it became obvious that I was going to wake. Nothing important about that really, either since all it was was a quick ‘be safe and we’ll talk again tomorrow night.’

And that, my good audience, wraps up today’s part of the story. Come back next time for the continuation of Over The Hills and Far Away.

Aww quit your moaning, not every section has to have action! Besides, at this point we are still just getting started! Farewell, ya fucking wankers!

Author's Notes:

I'm sorry for this not being up on Saturday! I completely forgot to post it ... not that the day was hectic or anything, just completely forgot!

A couple of things to note:
-A reminder that the Griffonstone episode doesn't exist in this world, so stuff is different for the Griffons.
-Sorry for spoilers on Elysium if you haven't seen it!
-Yes that is Starlight Glimmer. Since there is only speculation on what happens to her during the finale of season 5, I have placed her as a wandering "philosopher" more or less. Also the views expressed in that monologue is not mine, but my cousin's.
-Headcanon: Luna is adorable in that she snorts when laughing too hard!

Here's the music to fit the title. You are all lucky that it's slower stuff right now :P Just wait till later when the true heavy metal comes out. Mastodon - Asleep in the Deep