Discord tapped his dragon foot impatiently as he stared at his door. A door which he had changed to a simple wooden one with a small windowed arch near the top. The idea was that the door would look warm and inviting, hopefully soothing over… Oh what did Plant Embracer call them? Bad vibes? Yes… those things.

Hopefully the door would soothe the bad vibes that Discord expected to arrive courtesy of one Twilight Sparkle. Twilight was usually here to reprimand him by now, often bringing Fluttershy to help smooth things over. It’s not that Discord was eager for this to happen, just eager for it to be over.

He’d gone through the exercise several times already. Once with each of Twilight’s friends and Twilight herself. It was assumed, wrongly so, that Pinkie would have had the easiest time with Discord next to Fluttershy. In fact, she would have been second to venture into his realm had her busy schedule of throwing parties, working the bakery, and babysitting not interfered.

Discord sighed and examined a mess of gray tape and cardboard hastily colored over with bright pink marker. He had gone to such lengths to make replacement hair too, and…

No…

This was ridiculous…

This would not do at all…

Discord snapped his talon, summoning a bottle of glue that he sprayed all over the ‘hair’. With another click, the glue was now diamond… like pink glitter, which he dumped all over the sticky mass.

There. Pinkie would love it, and he would present it to her as soon as…

Discord paused, waiting for a knock on the door.

Silence.

… AS SOON AS A CERTAIN PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP GOT HER ACT TOGETHER AND ACTUALLY SHOWED UP!

Discord let out a huff. He couldn’t very well just sit here waiting all da—

The light in Discord’s realm suddenly disappeared, replaced by darkness, the squeaking of bats, and the sound of tiny rockets.

Well, he couldn’t very well sit here waiting all ni—

Light suddenly pierced the darkness, darkness letting out a death rattle as it’s horrible existence was vanquished by a puncture wound inflected by day.

Well, Discord couldn’t very well spend all vaguely-defined time period waiting around to be lectured at! The lawn was going through an Emo phase and had cut itself. His dishes had gotten tired of being covered in filth and mold and had escaped to his shower, deciding to simultaneously wash themselves and the ancient soap scum from his shower walls.

Discord sighed.

His flower garden had miraculously exiled all the salt he carefully seeded and was flourishing once again! Worst of all, the salt had been exiled to his weed garden where it declared itself the ruling class and now ruled over ‘Weedtopia’ with an iron fist.

… Discord would probably let that last one slide for now.

BUT THE OTHER THINGS! Those were all things that required his attention.

He couldn’t wait anymore. If Twilight wouldn’t come to lecture him, he would simply have to go to her and lecture the princess about lecturing him.

Discord opened his door and stepped out of his shifting realm into a hallway in Canterlot castle. He began walking.

Princesses Celestia and Luna insisted he be easy to get ahold of should they need of him or his skills, and admittedly the location meant an endless parade of stuffy nobles to mess with. Neither of the princesses currently taking residence seemed to protest to that, however he often caught an earful from their stuffy scheduling advisor Kibitz. Sadly, he had promised not to mess with the castle staff too much…

Besides, he had to admit ‘Kibitz’ had a bit of a ring to it.

‘Honk!’

Discord jumped. Had he… Did he just step on a bicycle horn? Lifting his dragon foot revealed a curly brass bike horn with a red rubber squeezer.

How… How had he not sensed that before stepping on it? Had he been that lost in thought that he simply missed it? It couldn’t be… No…

Discord dismissed the pink pony that began hopping through his thoughts almost as immediately as she appeared. Or rather, it was much more likely Pinkie simply dropped it on her way in or out. He had more important matters at the moment than entertaining the notion that Pinkie could somehow sneak objects in his wake without him noticing them. For instance, he needed to decide how to travel to Twilight’s castle.

Teleportation? Hmmm… Too mundane… Too desperate-looking. He should take his time on this.

Train? Way too mundane. Way too much time, even for an immortal.

Zeppelin? Also a bit slow. And there was a slight possibility it’d catch fire and crash on approach to Ponyville.

Rocket-propelled Zeppelin?

Discord smiled.

Much faster. Almost guaranteed to catch fire and crash on approach to Pony—

‘CRACK!’

There was a miniature explosion under Discord’s hoof that sent him leaping into the air. Seemed he had stepped on a small popper. Little more than a piece of paper filled with volatile powder that cracks when disturbed.

This was more than coincidence.

Discord allowed himself a chuckle and kept walking. Alright, Pinkie. Props for surprising someone as old as Equestria itself, but it’ll take more than a few noise makers to…

‘Squish!’

Discord’s shoulders slumped.

… There’s a pie on my hoof.

Discord leaned down while simultaneously bringing his foot up, effectively turning his body into a ‘C’ shape as he inspected the pie.

Apple.

He took a bite.

Delicious.

He quickly unhinged his jaw and placed it over the pie, sliding his mouth back and swallowing. A pie-shaped lump made it down his throat and into his tubelike body before seemingly hitting something inside him with a solid ‘thunk’ and disappearing.

Discord looked down the hall.

Empty.

Mostly because he was now a few steps away from exiting the hallway. It was incredibly unlikely he’d step in something between where he stood now and the entrance into the foyer.

…

Walking was overrated anyhow.

Discord picked his hoof off the ground with his lion paw and then his dragon foot off the ground with his eagle talon. He floated through the hallway into the foyer...

‘POP!’

‘PHOOOOWEEEEEEE!’

‘POP!’

‘BOOM!’

… where he was assailed by a cacophony of pops, booms, and other noises as confetti pelted him from all angles.

Clearly, Pinkie had brought her ‘A’ game.

Discord felt the kettle in his head come to a boiling point.

Alright, forget Twilight! If little miss pink prankster thinks she can sprinkle a few well-placed traps out for me and just get away with it, she’s got another thing coming.

Discord snapped his eagle talon and was suddenly outside Canterlot castle. Floating above the structure in what was a fairly typical, gentle, boring day of weather for the ponies. He scowled down at Ponyville.

With another ‘snap’ of his talon, a blood-red zeppelin hung in the air like a predator ready to strike. A really fat, floating predator that lacked teeth, claws, a mouth… really anything except what a giant floating blood-red balloon with fins and fans at the back might have, but a predator nonetheless.

Discord examined the front of the zeppelin, stroking his beard. A lightbulb appeared over his head. A lightbulb he grabbed and unscrewed, revealing a marker underneath the glass bulb. He quickly zipped about the front of the zeppelin adding angry eyes and a mouth full of razor sharp teeth.

He floated back to admire his work.

Well… it was a start… still not intimidating enough.

Discord’s eyes widened.

Soon he had created and attached the world’s largest hockey mask and the world’s largest side-mounted chainsaw to what was now the world’s scariest zeppelin. Equally terrifying to those it approached and those riding it, especially with the added rockets.

Speaking of those riding it, there was just one more thing missing…

An orchestra.

Strings, woodwinds, and yes… even a slew of trombones. As confused as the ponies where, they were professionals and understood they still had a job to do. Besides, some of the classical music playing ponies had experience with suddenly being teleported while in the middle of a concert.

These things just sort of happen, you know?

The chainsaw-wielding, hockey-masked zeppelin lurched forwards as rockets quickly accelerated it towards Ponyville. From atop the zeppelin, wearing a wide brimmed green army hat and combat pants, Discord could smell the burning rocket fuel as the wind whipped past him.

It smelled like…

…victory.