“I’m not sure this is legal,” whined Slimy Snake as Discord contemplated the lock that held the door to the closet closed.

“Don’t be such a square,” said Discord, tossing the triangular tool to Snake, who fumbled with it as through dropping it was actually of any consequence. Snake was, Discord found, incredibly dull, not so much intellectually as behaviorally. That was about on par with someone from the castle’s legal department, though. Still, he was the only one who actually knew where the closet was. That, and he allowed for an allusion that very few people in the audience would understand.

“But it’s locked!”

“Not a problem,” said discord, extending one finger and raising his thumb. He pointed his finger at the lock and lowered his thumb. A small explosion went off and the lock shattered. “I do this all the time.”

“But if the princess catch us…if the catch me!”

Discord frowned, staring at the shaking Snake for a moment. The pale green-brown pony was totally killing the mood. Then, without speaking, he snapped off his right antler and moved his left horn to the center of his head. He smiled and fluttered both his eyelashes and wings. “The princesses put me in charge,” he said with a high falsetto voice, “so you can officially call me ‘Princess Discord’!” His frown returned. “Which means I can have you banished to the bottom of the royal laundry pile.”

“Not the laundry pile!”

“Well, if you would preffer to be fed to parasprites, I suppose I can make an exception. But just because you’re so darn cute!”

Discord kicked open the door, and pulled a string on a lightbulb he had conjured. The large closet was suddenly illuminated.

“Wow,” said Snake, “that’s a lot of jelly!”

Indeed it was. All around them were glass jars of every size, filled with substances of every conceivable color- -and several colors that Discord doubted had actually been conceived before, except by him whenever he cared to fill a hole with ponies.

“Yes it is,” said Discord, rifling through smaller jars of Zapapple jam and mayhaw preserves, mostly ignoring the other pony. His gag was through, so his presence was not taxing.

“I have a cousin in Ponyville who would really love these big ones,” said Snake, looking at the some tubs of jelly that were several times larger than he was. “I wonder what they use these for here?”

“Not sure,” said Discord, reaching his arm to the dusty back of the shelves. “Princess Luna is a bit of a prude, actually, so I suppose they belong to Celestia. Nothing like jelly on the hot summer sun.”

“You mean jelly under the sun,” corrected Snake.

“No, I don’t,” said Discord. His fingers closed around a tiny jar, and he removed it. He squinted at the tiny writing. “Royal Jelly,” he said. “I suppose this is what they used on Twilight.”

He expected at least a small snicker, but upon not hearing one, he turned to see Snake shaking below a deep blue alicorn.

“Luna!” said Discord. “You’re back from the Crystal Empire! Say, you weren’t here when I called you a prude, were you?”

“Indeed I was not,” said Luna, frowning.

“Oh. That’s good.” Discord returned to rifling through the jams on the shelves.

“You were placed in charge of the kingdom, Discord, to watch over our subjects in our absence. And yet I return to find you ransacking the royal jam closet. Explain yourself!”

Discord pulled out a small jar of deep purple preserves. “Ah!” he cried. “Here it is! About two minutes too late, of course.”

“Discord!”

“I need it for the interrogation, of course!”

“Interrogation?”

Discord snapped his fingers, and a heavy metal table appeared, filling most of the closet. Tied to the top was a pure-white Pegasus, her hooves and wings bound, and her coat stained with red. Her eyes were glazed, and she was breathing shallowly.

“Please…please make it stop,” she gasped. She turned to the princess, and her eyes illuminated with hope. “Princess…please…”

Snake promptly fainted.

“Discord,” said Luna, an expression of grave concern rising over her face. “What have you done?”

“You can’t make an omlette without breaking a few griffon eggs,” said Discord, unscrewing the cap from the jam. “Now, little miss Immaculate White. Care to tell me what you know about the forces of Order?”

He tilted the jar, allowing the sticky substance inside to slowly flow out. The Pegasus below immediately started to panic, trying to squirm away from her bindings.

“NO! Not grape jelly!” she screamed, trying to escape the approaching condiment. “Not that! You monster! I’ll be all sticky, and I’ll never get the stains out! Wasn’t catsup enough, you monster!”

“Talk!” demanded Discord.

“Enough!” said Luna, her horn flashing. The bindings on the Pegasus snapped open, and she fell to the floor. She spread her wings and dashed out of the closet, crying, repeating “baking soda, I need baking soda!”

“You’re no fun,” said Discord, sending the table back to where it had been and taking some of the jam on his finger. He licked it off. “Mm. Strawberry.”

Luna helped up Snake, who was shaking and could barely stand from the shock of seeing what he had thought was blood.

“For future reference,” said Luna, “the castle does have a dedicated torture chamber. Also, approval for all torture must be approved by myself or my sister.”

“Has to pass…through legal, too,” muttered Snake, weakly.

“And while you were injuring our subjects, we have come to the conclusion that the disturbance in the Crystal Empire is related to what you are investigating. How is it that you have ignored this fact and not begun investigating the creature that attempted to destroy the Crystal Heart?”

Discord almost said something, but stopped himself. He considered for a moment; indeed, while he had been chasing down Pegasi or setting snares fore unicorns baited with cupcakes, he had felt a massive disturbance in the magical nature of Equestria. What he had felt was a distortion in the aura projected by the Crystal Heart, and he had dismissed it as just another disaster befalling Equestria. Thinking about it, though, he realized that there had been undercurrents beneath the crystal magic- -undercurrents oddly similar to the magic of the Crystal Heart itself.

Discord suddenly summoned a scroll and pair of dorky, oversized glasses that until several seconds earlier had been on the head of a peppermint-themed filly in Ponyville.

“I need to check my math,” said Discord. He reached behind Luna, intending to pull out a deep-blue feather to use as a quill.

Suddenly the large tubs of jelly in the rear of the room split open, spilling their contents on the floor. Discord found himself bisected, and his top half slid off from his bottom half.

“Do not touch my wings!” screamed Luna, her eyes glowing and her horn sending out small, icy sparks from the pure power it was rapidly accumulating. Her voice was loud, but it was not the Royal Canterlot Voice that Discord had become all-too accustomed to. She was genuinely screaming in overblown fear and rage, as if she was about to cry.

“Now, now,” said Discord, reaching up and grabbing his severed lower half before it started to run around, as legs were liable to when left to their own devices. He reconnected them to his top half, and pulled on them as if he were hitching a pair of pants. “I only meant that as a joke, a gag. It’s kind of my thing- -”

Discord barely managed to dodge a bolt of magic that splattered the jam behind him.

“Really, Luna,” said Discord, floating through the air. He was confused and annoyed, but the situation was, arguably, amusing, if only because of the chaos that he had unexpectedly created. “You know that without the Elements of Harmony, you and sun-butt can’t do a thing against me. I’m the me-darned god of chaos!”

“Maybe I can’t hurt you,” growled Luna, “but I know your weaknesses. I see them in your mind, in your dreams.” She smiled madly. “Yes…maybe I will pay a visit to Fluttershy. Maybe I’ll ‘touch’ her wings. I’ll ‘touch’ them so she cannot fly ever again!”

Luna’s head was twisted to the side as Discord grabbed her horn. Their magics glowed and merged, and Luna realized that Discord was, indeed, far stronger than her.

“Now you’ve gone too far!” he said, the normal playfulness and humor of his voice completely absent. “Threaten me all I want. Cut me, burn me, turn me to stone, I don’t care- -but you will not threaten Fluttershy! Fluttershy is a beautiful and kind pony, and she had nothing to do with this! I don’t even know why you would say something like that, but if you or anyone even think about hurting Fluttershy, I will snap off your horn and shove it so far down your throat that your sister will wish I was raining chaos across Equestria for all eternity!”

“Hurt Fluttershy,” said Luna, beginning to laugh, tears running down her eyes, “like you did, when you sold her to Lord Tirac?”

“H…help me,” said a weak voice on the floor beside them. Both Discord and Luna looked down. The slicing magic that Luna had used to cut Discord and the jars of jam had also struck Snake, and one entire side of him had a deep wound from his neck to his flank, even bisecting the green serpent that was his cutie mark. In the time that Discord and Luna had forgotten about him, most of his blood had escaped him, and now spread in a large red pool below him, mixing with the spilled jam.

Luna’s eyes widened, and her magic suddenly shut down. “Slimy Snake- -I- -I’m sorry- -I- -Oh, my Sister! Fluttershy, why did I say those things!” She stepped back, shaking, looking down at what she had done.

Discord used his own magic to cast an enormous white bandage around Snake, tying it in a big bow. “There’s no time for that now,” said Discord. “We need to get him to a doctor pony, fast. Chaos magic isn’t exactly the best thing for healing wounds.”

“I- -I,” said Luna, but she found that she was frozen. She did not understand what had just happened. There had been a sudden surge of rage, but not just anger- -it was fear, but Luna did not know where it had come from. She had been desperately afraid that something was coming, coming to hurt her, like it had before- -but she could not remember the “before”. Then she had threatened Fluttershy, her friend, a pony who she knew to be one of the gentlest in all of Equestria- -and now she stared at so much blood, for the first time in so long, blood that she had spilled with her own hoof.

“You’re no help,” said Discord. He snapped his fingers, and a white nurse pony appeared beside him. She looked confused, and seeing Discord, suddenly looked afraid- -not because he was Discord, though, but from the expression of concern on his face.

The nurse looked down at Snake, whose breathing was beginning to slow.

“Dear Celestia,” said the nurse, her horn glowing. “We need to stop the bleeding. He’s going to need a transfusion, stat. Discord, what blood type are you?”

“All of them,” said Discord, suddenly appearing in his own version of a nurse uniform.

Luna slowly backed away as Discord and the nurse went to work. Then, before she realized it, she saw that she was running, and that tears were running down her face.

Luna lay curled in her bed, trying her best to calm down. She did not understand what had happened to her, or how it had come to occur, but she knew that even the thought of someone touching her wings made her start to panic again. She had never liked to be touched, but now, somehow, it was far stronger. It had something to do with a memory, but one that she somehow could not recall, one that she knew that she did not want to remember.

Worst, though, was the doubt. She began to wonder if she was a danger; already, once, she had betrayed Equestria. It was easy to lay those crimes on Nightmare Moon, to dismiss them, but this one had been done by Luna. There was no way to escape the blame she placed on herself, knowing that she was a potential danger to ponies. Perhaps Nightmare Moon never had been fully excised from her being; perhaps she was still there, lurking, waiting to return.

As tears silently dripped onto her bed, there was a sound behind her, the small ring of a tiny bell.

“Your highness,” said Cavern Melody, holding the bell on her collar with her hoof to prevent it from chiming further. “Word from the doctors.”

“What is it?” asked Luna, bracing for the worst.

“The condition of one Slimy Snake has stabilized.”

Luna released a sigh of relief.

“However,” continued Cavern Melody, and Luna’s breath caught in her throat. “Since the wound was magically created, it will likely never heal completely. There has also been fundamental damage to his cutie mark, as well as…complications…from receiving blood from Discord.”

“Will he recover?”

“Yes. However, he may never study law again.”

“See to it that he receives the best medical care, and that his family does not fall into need during his treatment.”

“Of course, your majesty.”

“Cavern Melody…”

“Yes, my Princess?”

“Can you…can you sing to me?”

“Of course,” said Cavern Melody, smiling. “That is my main occupation here in your service. I will have Nightwatcher deliver the message for you.”

Cavern Melody’s bell sounded softly as she ducked out of the door, giving instructions to the guard outside the door. She then returned.

Cavern Melody took her place beside Luna’s bed, and removed her bell collar. She took a breath, and began the song. It started out slow, and then grew in long, warbling, melancholy notes, rising like echoes from beautiful, empty caverns.

It was a beautiful song, but, somehow, it seemed like the saddest song Luna had ever heard.