Never in my life have I ever thought I would harbor such fear of a giant pair of breasts in my face, but as fate dictates, said fear has sadly became my reality. It has been less than ten minutes since I arrived in Ponyville, and I already manage to get myself sucked into what almost feels like a very crappy plot to an ecchi harem anime.

Getting shot at, I can handle. Being attacked with a knife, I can handle. Unfathomable power that of which lies within the form of a busty five foot six obnoxiously pink mare with the girliest high pitched voice I've ever heard, holy fucking shit. This mare is literally a foot shorter than I am and she can man handle me like a god damned minotaur.

I have been ganged up on by multiple full grown griffons at once, and I had an easier time handling them than surviving this mare's psychotically insane amount of energy. Just what the fuck is the HCA thinking throwing me into this mess! I wasn't ready, certainly not for this shit!

Okay, enough of my bickering, lets get back to the story now shall we?

Let's see now, where was I? Oh right!

Soon after stepping off the train at Ponyville's train station, I am greeted by a rather gorgeous looking pegasus mare, with cyan fur, athletic body, and an ass like nobody's business. Girl looks like she can break a walnuts between those buns!

Digression aside, me and this mare, Rainbow Dash, initiate in some small talk. She offers to take me out on a tour of the town, but after dropping my luggage off at first. I said 'why the fuck not?' and agreed to her proposal. Just before we have the chance to even leave the station, my vision suddenly turns white. I am swept off my feet, and all I can hear is the whistling roar of wind rushing past me like raging rapids, and the sound of my own voice screaming in the most effeminate tone I've ever heard.

I don't care who you are, even if you're some big swole bastard like I am, if a mare tackles you at mach speed you're going to scream like Richard Simmons trapped in a cheesecake warehouse, especially if that mare is Pinkie Pie; the greatly feared party pony infamous among Ponyville for her enthusiastic party antics. I had only heard whispers of her merciless reign within the realm of Canterlot, now that I have fallen into the clutches of Ponyville I'm afraid my fate is sealed.

This mare is gonna throw me a party whether I like it or not.

May Celestia have mercy on my soul.

Now here I am, dazed and confused, sprawled out on a couch since neither Rainbow Dash or the cream colored pegasus with a gentle pink mane could lift me so they practically dragged me onto the sofa, my vision and auditory functions distorted as if I were underwater in the dead of night. All I could see were brief glimpses of my surroundings while drifting in and out of consciousness.

Party pony got me fucked up.

"For the love of Celestia, Pinkie! Why the hell did you do that?!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, flailing her arms madly above her head as the party pony just sat before her on the recliner, her mane deflated and her ears hugged against her head.

"Rainbow Dash, please don't get too worked up, Pinkie was just excited and since she got off work early she wanted to meet him. You know that's just how Pinkie is" Fluttershy declared in a gentle yet firm voice, defending Pinkie Pie from Rainbow Dash's scolding.

"She needs to learn not to do that sort of thing! Especially with humans! I know he looks big and tough but he's still human! It's common knowledge that humans have a more fragile anatomy than ponies!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, placing her hands on her hips.

"We learned this in school, Fluttershy. The anatomy of a pony is more than two times more tough than human anatomy! If she was just a small fraction more reckless than she was with him he could've been seriously injured, or crippled even!" Rainbow Dash added pointing towards Walter, whom of which is sprawled across the couch like a tetraplegic cat.

"Since when did you pay attention in school?" Fluttershy calmly retorted, folding her arms and furrowing her brow at the now blushing Rainbow Dash.

"Since when did you start dishing out sass? That's Rarity's job!" Rainbow Dash hissed, unfortunate enough to be unable to conceive a superior comeback.

The argument is suddenly interrupted by the sound of a groan, followed by a loud thump of Walter's limp body sliding off the sofa before his face became intimately acquainted with the carpet floor beneath him.

"Hijo de puta..." I groaned, curling up in the fetal position while clutching the sides of my head in bemused misery. My head hasn't been this discombobulated since I challenged my big sister to a sparring session.

It seems that after listening to muffled voices argue back and forth for ten minutes straight has allowed my scattered brain to regain some sense of sobriety after the affliction of suffocating via big bouncy chesticles. Once the oxygen returned to my brain, I slowly began to gather my senses, hazily examining my surroundings.

It appears that I was still in the modern styled home that I saw before being smothered by tits, a large living room about the size of an average apartment. The furniture seemed rather aesthetically pleasing, with a mute grey-blue color theme among the furniture complimented by the rich auburn-hued hardwood floor completed with a lovely fireplace.

Okay, stamp out this admiration of your surroundings jackass, you got other things weighing on your plate. After giving my head a slow cleansing shake to try and reboot my senses.

"Hey hey hey, take it easy there dude, not everybody can just walk off a Pinkie Pie tackle" Dash says as she rushes over to help me up to my feet.

"It's not the first time I got my ass kicked by a woman that's smaller than me" I laughed, amused by my own disposition.

"Ha, okay then" Dash rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she slowly lowers me on the couch so I am sitting upright.

"So, um... Sorry for all the chaos you experienced, this isn't what we necessarily had in mind for first impressions" the cream colored pegasus spoke up as she walked over and crouched in front of me, extending her small nimble hands forward, taking mine within a gentle grasp. "My name is Fluttershy, it is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Barnes" she greeted with a warm smile.

I like Fluttershy, consider her at the top of my list of 'best pony' so far.

"Oh, it's uh, heh, nice to meet you too. You can just call me Walter though, Mr. Barnes sounds like you're talking to my dad" I say with a small ice-breaking chuckle, prompting a small snicker from the soft-spoken mare as well.

"And as you already know, I'm Rainbow Dash, the most awesome and badass mare of the house!" Rainbow Dash declared, flexing her abs as she assumed a confident pose.

"And I'm Pinkie Pie! Just letting you know in case you forgot" Pinkie Pie chimed in with a giggle and a snort.

"The only way I can forget you is if you starve my brain of oxygen again with your massive..." I cut myself off, clearing my throat. "Your massive... Personality?" I poorly corrected myself, giving a sheepish smile as Pinkie cast a glance down at her breasts, blushing.

"Right, well anyway I managed to bring your luggage and shoes along after you got tackled, I set them by the front door" Rainbow Dash explained, pointing over to the front entrance of the home where his luggage and discarded shoes were haphazardly sprawled on the floor.

"Thanks" I sighed as I held my still spinning head.

"Hey Flutters, could you grab some of Twilight's special tea? The kind she drinks when she gets one of her infamous migraines?" Rainbow Dash asked her cream colored friend, who nodded and left to the kitchen while Pinkie Pie just sat and watched.

After Fluttershy prepares a pot of tea belonging to this Twilight chick, I am blessed with instant relief of my cranial discombobulation, allowing my senses to become sharp and aware once again. The tea is super strong, it tastes like a mixture between peppermint and hazelnuts, with a cough-drop aftertaste. If this tea is strong enough to get my senses back on the right track after being tackled at mach speed, I'd hate to endure one of those killer migraines this Twilight chick goes through.

Wait, Twilight? As in protege of Celestia Twilight? Now that I think of it, all of these girls look familiar, I swear that I've seen them somewhere before, but I can't exactly put my finger on it.

"So uh, are there more of you guys here or is it just us?" I asked, finishing the painkilling tea and setting the petite cup on the coffee table.

"Oh there's more of us, three more to be exact. They just went off to Canterlot to discuss the setup and events for the Grand Galloping Gala!" Pinkie chimed in, jumping up from behind the couch.

"FUCK" I jumped, quickly scampering behind Fluttershy.

"Take me to dinner first" Pinkie snorted, giggling at her own jokative retort.

"...Roight" I grumble, narrowing my eyes at the pink mare as I hid behind Fluttershy.

"U-Um, W-Walter? It's okay, Pinkie won't hurt you" Fluttershy said, smiling sheepishly back at me.

"That mare tackled me at so hard that my shoes came off, I have the right to fear her" I retorted quickly.

"There's no time to be scared silly! It's time for a party!" Pinkie Pie declared as she whipped out a large bottle of tequila from behind her back.

"Where... Where the hell were you keeping that?" I inquired in utter bemusement.

She just laughed and rushed to the kitchen to start pouring glasses full of hard liquor.

"Wait wait wait, as much as I'd like to party, my brain is still recovering from being tackled at mach speed! Besides, it wouldn't really be a proper party unless the rest of the gang were here, right?" I spoke up, causing Pinkie Pie to pause and glance over at me. "How do you think the others would feel if we threw a party now and they weren't able to participate?" I asked with a sheepish smile.

"Oh, well I guess that's true..." Pinkie Pie replied, her mane deflating at the realization that she hadn't considered how her other friends would feel.

"Hey don't beat yourself up about it, there are other ways to celebrate my arrival" I say as I step away from Fluttershy, figuring that I've hidden behind her long enough by now.

"Really?" Pinkie Pie perked up again, looking at me with excitement.

"Yeah, do you know of any karaoke bars here in town?" I say with a grin.

"Oh! There's a karaoke bar in the center of town we could go to, me and a couple of gals from work often go there to have fun" Rainbow Dash chimed in.

"Perfect, then lets go there. But first, let me get some more of that tea" I say as I jog to the kitchen, pouring the rest of the tea into a large glass before chugging it down.

After putting my shoes back on and adjusting my disheveled attire I take a seat on the sofa and wait for the girls to get ready to go out. To no surprise, Pinkie Pie is first in line to be ready.

Pinkie is dressed in a turquoise blue dress with white frills along the trim and a black belt that strapped around her waist. Her dress is complimented with matching turquoise and white striped stockings that reach up to her inner thighs. I swear I could see snow white garter belts as well. After tying her hair back into a ponytail, no pun intended, Pinkie did a quick spin in front of me.

"How do I look?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Gorgeous" I replied, deciding to keep my honest R rated thoughts to myself.

"You sure you don't want to say more than that?" Pinkie Pie inquired, wiggling her brows, seemingly aware that I was holding back a whole lot more compliments.

"You might as well wait until I'm drunk to get an honest answer" I retorted, causing the pink mare to have a giggle fit.

A few minutes of conversation with Pinkie later and I am greeted with the sight of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash making their way downstairs from their bedrooms.

Fluttershy is dressed in a beautiful yellow short skirt sundress with denim jeans, her light pink mane had been woven into one large braid that rested over her left shoulder. Rainbow Dash had put on skin tight yoga pants that hugged her firm bubbly ass perfectly and a bright red cut-off tank top that showed off her abs and belly button, the icing on the cake was her leather biker's jacket that gave her a punk-rock kind of atmosphere to her.

Meanwhile I'm dressed like a college student who spent his life savings in Goodwill.

Once Walter and the girls were prepared, Rainbow Dash took the lead in guiding them to town where she decided to give a small tour on the way to the karaoke bar. She kept it fast and simple, showing him landmarks as well as Pinkie Pie's place of work.

The town is lively with several ponies going on and about, it was about mid afternoon so some ponies were out getting lunch while younger ponies were skating, hanging out at parks and restaurants. However it seems that the further they went into the lively town, the more attention Walter would attract, just like how it was with Canterlot.

With Walter's intimidating size and dangerous looking eyes, he is bound to attract a few gawks and hushed whispers in public sooner or later. Walter didn't seem to care really, he was focused more on listening to the girls talk with one another, amused by their back and forth bickering.

It was about three-thirty by the time they arrived at the karaoke bar, which looked more like a club. It stands about three stories high and has a modern look to it, a smooth black matte exterior with murals of dancing and singing ponies painted along the front and sides of the building. Above the entrance to the building is a neon sign in the shape of a microphone with a pink bow tied around the grip.

"I know the owner of this place, met her once during spring break at a rave" Rainbow Dash explained as they entered the building.

The lobby is filled with several different colorful decorations: furniture, paintings, statues, etc. Everything had either a music or alcohol theme to it. Connected to the main lobby is a bar, where various ponies were drinking, chatting, watching television, having a good time.

Rainbow Dash lead the group over to the bar where an orange-red mare is stationed. The mare has a snow-white mane with red and orange highlights, and her eyes are a rich golden yellow hue. The bartender is dressed in a black tank top and hot pink denim booty shorts. Upon seeing Rainbow Dash and the others approach the mare gave a wide smirk and crossed her arms.

"Well well, look who it is, Miss Independent herself!" the mare spoke as she greeted Rainbow Dash with an over the counter top hug.

"It's good to see ya too Wilde, how have you and the foals been doing?" Rainbow Dash asked as she pulled away from the hug to bump knuckles with the bartender.

"About as fine as your human friend over here" Wilde responded while shooting predatory eyes over at Walter.

"I charge 300 bits by the hour" Walter quipped, causing the bartender to burst out laughing.

"And he has jokes too! You got yourself a keeper!" Wilde snorted, causing Rainbow Dash to blush.

"Oh, Walter and I aren't dating, we're just roommates is all" Rainbow Dash quickly explained.

"Ah is that so? Then consider yourself hired beefcake" Wilde remarked, earning a laugh from Pinkie, Walter, and Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy just smiled and stifled a soft chuckle.

"Right then, so what brings you all here this afternoon?" Wilde asked as she leaned against the bar, resting her hands on the counter top.

"Well, as I've said Walter and I are roommates, but he's a new addition to the gang so in celebration we've decided to bring him out to a night on the town" Rainbow Dash explained.

"Oh is that so? I'm glad that my bar is your choice of celebration then!" Wilde said as she pulled up a tablet from behind the bar. "So I assume you guys want a room for karaoke?" Wilde asked.

"Damn right, we'd also like an order of pizza and soda. We're gonna start out light for the first round" Rainbow Dash said as Wilde nodded and began jotting down information on her tablet.

"Alright then, your room is going to be B-4 on the second floor" Wilde said as she handed a key to Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash pulled her coin purse and set twenty bits on the counter, Wilde proceeded to place the bits into a cash register while the group headed towards the stairs. Before he could make it to the staircase with the others Wilde pulled him aside. She gave him a friendly smile before slowly placing her hand against his chest, fondling his pecs absentmindedly.

"So hey, if you're ever on the hunt for a job, feel free to come on by. I have a position open for a bouncer with your name on it. I'll pay you twelve bits per hour plus tips..." she said before leaning in close, cupping her hand over Walter's crotch.

"And, if you're feeling a bit stressed out, feel free to come to me for some... Sweet release" Wilde whispered, causing the large human's face to light up a bright red.

"I'll um... I'll be sure to drop my resume off when I get the chance" Walter replied with an awkward smile.

"I'll be waiting" Wilde replied, grinning as she released her grip on Walter's junk, allowing him to quickly jog after the rest of his group.

Holy fucking shit, talk about grabbing life by the dick.

After the hushed incident between me and that bartender mare, I quickly rushed after the rest of my group, both flustered and a bit excited. I do need a job after all, and with the addition of the monthly checks the HCA provides me I'll be pretty much set financially.

After rejoining with the group, Fluttershy glances back at me with a curious gaze.

"What happened?" Fluttershy inquired, tilting her head curiously as she slowed her pace to walk beside me.

"Oh, Wilde just offered me a job is all. It's close to home and she promised a good pay so I think I'll take it after I get a resume pulled together" I explained.

"Oh that's great! I'm happy for you" Fluttershy said with a smile.

Sweet baby Luna she's precious.

"Thank you, I'm glad that I'll at least have a job with a friendly boss" I say as we approach the room we were assigned to.

"Alright guys, here it is. Who wants to sing first?" Rainbow Dash asked as she unlocked the room and walked through.

"I think Walter should sing first!" Pinkie declared, causing Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash to glance over at her in confusion.

"Why? I figured you'd want to sing first?" Rainbow Dash inquired as the group flooded into the room.

"Because Papa Bear wants Walter to sing his favorite song!" Pinkie Pie replied, earning a look of confusion from me, Fluttershy and Dash.

"Pinkie, who's Papa Bear?" Fluttershy asked.

Pinkie Pie just giggled and snorted before practically pushing me over to the karaoke machine. I gave Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash a confused glance, but Rainbow Dash just gestured for me to play along. Probably better too, it would hurt my brain too much to try and figure out what may be going on in Pinkie Pie's head.

I browsed through the wide variety of songs installed on the machine, searching and searching until I found one of the most played songs on my phone. I grinned, selecting the song I listened to quite frequently when I'm in the mood for a humorous jam session.

The intro to the song threw Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy off at first, Pinkie Pie just bounced in her seat, shaking her hips before the main course came along. Once the course started Rainbow Dash burst out laughing, holding her stomach as she fell over on Fluttershy's lap. Fluttershy just covered her mouth, her face red with stifled laughter.

You know, at first I was kind of unsure about these mares. But in all honesty, I got a good feeling about this new life.

Author's Notes:

Decided to switch perspectives, gonna be switching from third to first person here and there. I'll be sure to separate each perspective with horizontal rules (the horizontal line option to the left of the "add link" option)

Also might as well bring this up, if you notice any out-of-the-ordinary personality traits with any well known characters within the show (i.e.: Celestia, Luna, Main Six, etc.) then just take note that his is an AU and the characters within the story are roughly based on the original ones.