I woke up in the bed in the Crystal Empire. There was a creepy-ass face in my face. "Hey Discord! What's up?" He started laughing.

"There's a doll in Tartarus that has the likeness of my face, you know what to do with it. I won't die," Wait, what? Discord's the Guide? Damn.

"Wall of Flesh time?" He nodded. I looked at Mutate, who had just woken up. "Time to go Hardmode."

"What? That doesn't make sense!" There's a boss we have to fight Mutate! "Let's go,"

I summoned an Eater to take us to Hell. We landed down there and the demons were flocking towards us. I killed one instantly when it came near and I got a Guide Voodoo Doll. I looked to Mutate and she nodded.

I then threw the doll in the lava. Mutate was beside me. A necklace, almost like the Panic Necklace landed in my hand. "I am Rin the Dungeon Keeper. If you are a hero fear not my darkness for I am immune to its taint. If you need my aid in battle or my expertise in dark magic call me and I'll come if I can."

The help is welcome I guess… “Hello Rin, we are about to face a massive eldritch being and would appreciate the help,” A portal appeared out of the ground like a bottomless pit, four crystal pillars grew out of the ground around it but were soon pushed from my view by the summon message.

From the hole rose up a nine-tailed fox lady followed by a few skeletons. After taking a quick look around she concentrated and from the portal rose two ponies, one with a large and extremely heavy looking gun. There was also a gaunt undead with a bald, distorted looking wolf's head and long arms that he held almost like a praying mantis with long knife-like claws that seemed to slowly grow outwards and retract at random.

“So where is the big bad?” the fox asked. I pointed behind her, to where the giant tendrils were beginning to extend from the bloody mass of flesh behind her. The mouths were opening and closing in a pattern. The closest eye sent a laser at me. “...I want to dissect it,” she said while giving it a hungry look. “Know any weaknesses?” she asked as she began charging up dark magic.

“I suggest using AoE on the tendrils and after they’re all dead, aim for the massive amounts of mouths and eyes… at least that’s what I’d do in Terraria,” I sent my windigo army after the eyes. The eyes looked scared for a little bit. Even more so when Mutate sent some Demon Scythes at the wall. When the tendrils lashed out Rin’s undead moved in and with quick swings and claws that extended out at lightning speed began hacking away them. The unicorn moved with surprising speed to attack the others while the earth pony aimed her gun and fired it into the highest eye creating an explosion while Rin let loose thunder bolts. The skeletons just wildly attacked any part they could reach. She and her army dealt with a lot of the tendrils, the wall began to move forwards. She was almost grabbed by the wall before they noticed.

“Wow!” She shouted as she jumped back. The ponies got away as well but the slashing undead was snagged by one of its tongues, it did manage to cut himself free before he was pulled into the mouth and quickly moved away from it before it could run him over. I turned into a Demon King and fired some scythes at it. Rin looked over at me and asked, “What are you displaced as anyways?” I smirked at her with my demonic face.

”I, was Displaced as a creatable character from Terraria, I managed to get a tome of Changeling Magic, I could use it because my character is able to use magic. I suspect that you didn’t come as a pre-made package either, did you?” She stared at me. I popped out some more demons just to be creepy. The demons flew towards the wall. They continued to attack the wall. Sadly, the skeletons were of little use.

“I was Displaced as a dungeon keeper which has no set appearance. It’s a videogame where you create a dungeon D&D style and attract bad guys and monsters as minions to fight invaders or to invade other Keepers or Heroes. I’m a kitsune because I was wearing a Kitsune mask at the time.” She said as she pulled her remaining skeletons out before charging up another spell but when it hit nothing happened. “Dollification doesn't work. Oh well it was worth a shot.” She said before hitting the clawed undead with a spell that gave it a powerful speed boost and creating another portal that allowed a small army of small undead bats and birds that honed in on the mouths and eyes and exploded on contact, their bones acting as shrapnel.

“I don’t think turning the Wall of Flesh into a doll would be a good idea, not that you knew… I need the loot. Maybe later on you can try it on some demons. They would be cute dolls,” The wall sped up. I turned back into myself and Mutate ran up beside us. I sent my hornets to sting the wall repeatedly. It got lower in health and sent out some leeches. They started flying towards us and worming through blocks but Rin cast a spell that created a burning inferno of fire that blazed with intense heat in a wide area to burn them. I caught one in my Bug Net before they were all dead. It was so cute in my inventory. We drew closer to the end of the first walkway and the chasm lurked.

“Okay, I haven’t done this one in a while but…” she said as her tails came together and created a bubble that grew darker as she fed more magic into it. Seeing this I used my inhuman 18 foot-high jump to make it to the next platform. Just when she was at the edge her minions disappeared and she launched the orb into the Wall of Flesh’s largest mouth while creating a barrier around herself.

When the teeth penetrated the dark ball it exploded with dark magic hitting its entire face at once and knocking out teeth. The wall exploded and died. The chunks of flesh flew at us along with massive amounts of blood. Rin was flying across the chasm from being so close to the blast area and glowing like Tinkerbell, she healed herself while singing to the tune from ‘I believe I can fly’ “Oh I believe this will hurt, when my face is grinding in the dirt! Oh I believe this will hurt,” I clapped at her and got one of the windigoes to catch her. It brought her to me.

“That is why you run away from explosions,” I said in a sarcastic tone. I noticed she had a treasure bag in her paws, as I had one in my inventory. Mutate also had one. I flew up to the box with my boots. I mined into the top layer. The... Banhammer(?) flew into my hands. I jumped back out and fell down to her.

I just barely heard her reply. “Didn’t have time to make a portal and had nowhere to run to,” she said as she dug through her bag and pulled out a Laser Rifle and the Summoner Emblem... or so I thought. “What's this do?” she asked while examining the Emblem before holding it up to Mutate’s face. “You know?”

Mutate looked at her. “I have no clue. Ask Terry,” She pointed at me.

“As my darling queen Mutationis said, I’m the one you should ask. That looks like something from the game, can you toss me it?” She did so. Leader Emblem All followers are 15% better. “That’s what I thought,” I tossed it back to her. “It’s an accessory that beefs up everything about all of your minions, strength, speed, intelligence, endurance and for those that talk charisma. Have fun with better followers,” She nodded to me.

“Neet!”(This is what the other author said.) she said excitedly as she put it on around her neck. She then aimed her new gun and fired off a few shots making pew noises every time she pulled the trigger. She then pulled out a Demon Heart. “So monsters always drop loot when you kill them here? Is it like a big MMO world with lots of monsters to hunt?” she asked after she was done playing with her new toy.

I nodded and looked at her. “It isn’t an MMO, but it does have constant monsters. You can consume that heart, just so you know. Some of them have very lucrative drops,” She looked at me. “You could send some of your guys to fight and farm, I don’t care,”

“WOOP!” She calls out happily as she summons up the minions from before and a new one that was huge and had two large hooks on chains attached to his belt, some nights in black armor and some small creatures with pickaxes. “Time for some level grinding troops! This world is full of monsters and I want you to hunt them until you reach max level or longer if you like. If you want any cash they drop you can keep them but I want the goodies! Bring me toys!” She ordered and they went out to hunt.

She then looked at the heart then looked at me. “Before you go off on a tangent with me, you could just use the magic inside of it, that technically counts as consuming it,” She just shrugs and opens her mouth and sucks the magic out of it. It gave her the ‘extra accessory slot’ and it’s fleshy body turned to ash.

I called a Gargantuan Great Devourer.

“I suggest relaxing, this may be shocking,” The worm dropped down and started bringing us to the surface. Rin looked shocked when the Great Devourer first came but looked calm afterwards.

“So, know anyplace fun around here?” she asked. The worm spit us out at the surface.

“First let’s stop by my tree house then we can go to the Crystal Empire. I am the ruler for some reason. The reason I suggest there is because there is an amazing body horror place there. It’s amazing!” I walked in the front door of my house. Rin followed me. I went to the workshop. The place looked amazing. I walked over to the workbench. I made something called a Direwolf Alpha Minion with Ebonstone, a Withered Heart of Nature and some Canine Essence. I upgraded it to a Reaper Direwolf Minion with some bones. I gave her it. “Push your magical signature into the wolf. By doing so it will become loyal and you will be able to talk psyonically with it. It will be able to follow tasks, as well as make some Alpha Direwolves and thusly a Direwolf army eventually, the runts are so cute!”

“Okay, but I would be able to understand any minion I have so long as it’s not mindless.” She said as she poured some magic into it. It jumped out of her paw and landed on the ground. It grew to the size of the other upgraded ones. Half as tall as I am but twice as long as I am tall and a majestic beast. “Nice, I shall name you… Wraith. Hopefully you and yours are friendly enough. We have innocents to protect and Sasha has no K-9 friends. My timberwolves prefer to spend their time scouting the woods,” Sasha? Nevermind… I don’t want to know.

Hey, Glacial, come back, there are some people I want to see you, bring an alpha as well. I looked at them. “My Glacier Frostwolf is coming back. You can set a lot of tasks on Wraith. You could even send him halfway across the world if there’s something you need done there,” I felt something similar to an Arctic Wind. I am here, Master. He walked in the door. His glowing icy eyes looked out at Rin and Wraith. He bowed. “I had sent him out on a task but I called him back to show you,”

“Nice. You’re going to be useful with the war going on back home.” Rin said to Wraith as she scratched Wraith’s ear. She then snorted and bopped her on the nose. “That’s not nice,” she said as Glacial gave Wraith an annoyed stare. Do I have to be around this child Master? I burst out laughing and Rin looked at me before shrugging and turning back to Wraith.

“I’m sending you to my dungeon and setting up a lair for you to live in. Make some new recruits for me will you?” Wraith nodded and presumably said something of an affirmative to Rin. Rin then created a portal for her but after Wraith left a giant three headed puppy came out. The massive pup immediately started sniffing Glacial and with all three heads happily started licking him and coating him in a thick layer of drool. Unhand me beast! Master! Master, help me Master! I wish I could talk! “Alright girl, let him up. You’re going to be my mount for a bit.” Rin said as she pulled the pup away with her magic and with some effort climbed up on the pup’s back.

“Now to the Crystal Empire! The Crimson awaits!” I sounded a lot like a nerd that just found out their favourite book was being made into three movies. We walked out of the tree house. See you later Mutate, We had just enough time to go to the Crimson. I mounted Thermite. “Let’s go!” I flew and she rode below to the Crystal Empire. I dismounted while in the air and landed in the center of the square. I ran towards the direction of the Crimson, Rin behind me. We made good time and before we knew it we were there.

“Why is everything covered in blood?” Rin asked as she sniffed the air. “As a necromancer I know blood and this is it but there is something off about it.” She then saw a Face Monster walking towards us. With a cocked eyebrow she shot a beam of magic at it and it was suddenly very small and when it hit the ground it made a squeak. I picked up the new… plushy and it was so cute! It had tiny little jaws that went so well with the face! “You can keep it. I got a feeling I will have plenty of opportunities to make new toys in this place.” Rin said from the back of her mount.

I walked into the entrance of the chasm. The Hardmode enemies had yet to spawn so I felt safe. We walked downwards, by the time we reached the bottom I had almost 20 toys, not counting the few she kept. I walked down some tunnels that I hadn’t yet. I was able to just mine through the wall at the end. I broke some more hearts and I tossed a Panic Necklace, and a Crimson Rod to her. I kept the other Panic Necklace. The brain spawned. I caught like five of the Creepers, while Rin dollified most of what was left and bagged them. I grabbed one before she did though.

She then opened up a portal and summoned some more of those small undead animals to attack. Her pup mount managing to keep moving and dodging any attack the giant brain threw their way while Rin blasted it with her new laser gun while making that pew sound again which the brain took as mockery.

I was transformed into the pony Skeletron and stomping on the brain. The brain died very fast but didn’t spew out the soul cage. Rin got another bag. She opened it and pulled out a brain mask, some lesser healing potions, some crimtane ore and a Brain of Confusion. We went to the surface. All of Rin’s minions were waiting there, with a giant pile of stuff.

One pile was a massive pile of slime that had to come from an army’s worth of them and on top of the pile sat a Slime Staff. Another pile was beeswax and Beenades I grabbed some of the wax and made a Hornet Staff for Rin which she thanked me for. The last pile was assorted gems, bones, some Bone Feathers.I gasped at that and took one. “This is mine, you can keep the rest though,” There were also some coins the undead found.

“Well this has been fun, but some of my minions are on an important mission back home and I should probably get back in case I’m needed. But first what’s so special about this?” she asked holding up a feather. I laughed.

“This can make a pair of wings for me, anyways… I’ll see you later. Rin, our contract is complete,” A portal opened up in the ground first sucking in her minions then most of the things her minions hunted for. The last was the massive pile of slime that broke off piece by piece to get to the portal and each one hit her on its way.

“Hey! Wha-OW! Stop!” she wailed as she desperately flailed her front legs to try to beat off the blob bombardment before the last large chunk of slime broke free of the ground and slammed into her carrying her into the portal with it before it closed behind her with a belch. That was still as disturbing as the inventory one. I shook myself out of it and teleported back to my bed. Mutate was already there. I threw out all of the Creeper Minions. I wish for you to survey this world and find all military knowledge. Don't get caught. They all flew away. I could then see out of all of the eyes. The world swept into my view. It was beautiful.

I could see myself via their view. They had fucking x-ray vision! I then saw many things I didn't want to see. Most of which were consensual sex. I saw some rape cases in Manehatten. I sent some of the Freezing Timberwolf Minions after them. They all died. I got the wolves to bring me the materials dropped. I checked in my inventory's essence menu. I saw Essence of Flight... I wonder. I went to a workbench(because all high-level recipes are in the workbench. I then went to a lake in the Crimson. I wanted some crates. I was fishing for a few hours and I had already gotten 15 Crimson Crates, as well as two Bladetongues and a goddamn Scaly Truffle. When I got that I shut down and walked, first out of the cavern then back to my room. I slapped myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I placed my plushies on the bed and crawled into bed.

Mutate walked into the room later. I woke up to a "What the fuck?" I laughed and started going back to sleep.

"A gift of Rin, she made a bunch of them. Come on, get in here," She climbed in and we went to sleep.

Author's Notes:

This was a crossover with Clockworklich and their story The Beating of My Heart. Our protagonists are in hardmode... how fun!