... Well. Shit. I guess the intimidation tactic didn't work, I did get the Honor Guards's bag though. I felt one of Pyrite's claws go inside of me. Oh god... it hurts and it burns, it hurns, it burts... no. IT FUCKING SUCKS!!! I twisted my body to the side strongly and broke his claw off. Claw of a Dragon King. It's a stronger version of the Fiery Greatsword. And by that, I mean stronger. I took it out because it is slightly stronger than the Blade of Kings for now. I called a Gigantic King Eater of Worlds Minion. When I went down to the lair and I saw that beast I was surprised. Five of the sections on him was equal to a normal Eater of Worlds. He had 75. He popped out of the ground and spawned three Gigantic Great Devourers. When they flew out of him all of the ponies looked squeamish, and some of the dragons too.

I ran up and cut him. It was a normal cut like the two Honor Guards from before. The difference was that this one was black, white and deep red. I felt screwed. The two guards from before were black and deep red. That means this guy is much more powerful. My Blade of Kings was bigger so it would be more useful in this battle. I took it out. Pyrite recoiled. "How did you get the blade of Sombra? He used that blade to kill many of us!" Huh.

I gave him a deadpan look as I replied, "I stole it from him and defeated him with it. He is now nothing more than a cloud of smoke," Pyrite looked intimidated, then I used my cloak to go behind him. He was immune to the Cloak, of course. I cut off one of his wings. Wing of an Ancient Dragon Weapon and material What? I thought only swords could do that. I then remembered that the Wing of the Demon King had the same thing. Hmm... that's something to check out once I get to hardmode. He roared and five of the dragons from the horde flew at me. I did a whirlwind cut because I thought it would look cool. I cut a hand off. Dragon Claw Gauntlet. It was a mining tool and a weapon. I put it on. The dragons recoiled and three of them ran away. The one whose hand I cut off among them.

I turned to the other two. There was a black and a white. I ran to behind them. I cut the white one's head off. Brain of a Wise Dragon, Essence of Flight, a Heart of Flame and Gemstone(Diamond) Blocks. I ran to the black one and cut off both of his wings. Wings of a Mighty Dragon(2). I impaled him through the heart. More of the basic loot. Pyrite came back. "I see you are living up to the legacy of that blade, monster," Hell no. I jumped up and swung my sword down through one of his arms. It fell off. I continued the swing by cutting off the other one. He stayed in the fight but the rest of the dragons joined in. My worms ate well that day and I ended up with a lot of wings and other things. Pyrite was the only one left. "Now you have destroyed the dragon nation, how do you feel?"

"The funny thing is, I will create the dragon nation back from the ashes, and when they return, they will have a new leader. I cut the other wing off then cut his head off. Dragon King Treasure Bag. Seems legit. I walked to the horde of ponies. "Hello, how's your day been," I said in the most caring way possible. My mana pool increased by forty-five more. Damn it. "Could I talk to whoever is in charge?" They all pointed to me. "You want me to be the leader?" They nodded. "Are you sure, I don't care about becoming the leader,"

A yellow one turned to me and said "Take the bucking promotion!" I nodded.

"What are your names?" I soon found out the names of the ponies and forgot them just as fast. I suck at names. I called Mutate and told her my new position. The first thing I did for the town was to see the captains's talents in the guard. There were some good leaders in there. They all were good at swordplay except one of them. He was a ruby pony with an arrow mark. He was good with a bow and arrows, DUH, like good God he's good. I looked in the crafting menu. There was one set of armor that was ranged and summoning. It was another Hellstone set... huh. Interesting. I made him a set. He looked a bit squeamish when I gave it to him.

"Why do you have armor made from the Tartarus alloy? It corrupts ponies!" I took off my vanities. He recoiled, "Why are you corrupting yourself?"

I then replied in my normal voice, "I was wearing it the entire time I was fighting the dragons, you just couldn't see it," I put on the Intense Flame Dyes. They looked shocked at the different color. "Put on the damn armor! Fuck!" He put it on the loser way, by hand, and he didn't show any signs of corruption. "Are you going to keep being such a pansy now?" He glared at me.

"My mother's name was Pansy!" ... ... ... Are... you... fucking kidding me? A name of Pansy? My entire worldview is shattered! "Stop laughing you bucker!" All of his peers were shaking their head at him.

"Since you seem so keen on insulting me you can be part of the demonstration, do you agree troops?" All of the others nodded. I walked over to a training ground. He walked over with muttered insults towards his peers. "Sadly, my girlfriend Mutationis isn't here to demonstrate proper ranged and magic, because if she was you would learn a lot. I will teach you guys a bit though," I pulled out the Crystal Bow. "I will even use my weaker aspects of fighting, if I used melee and troops he would lose within the first few seconds," I made something called training bolts. They were useful. "Would one of you decide when we start?"

A nondescript goshenite pony stepped up. "GO!" I, was not expecting that. The pony ran away from me and shot a crossbow at me. A bolt hit me and shattered I pulled an arrow(3) and let it loose. All three hit him and he dropped like a sack of potatoes.

I looked out at them and asked "Now, what did he do wrong?" A bunch of them put up their front walking utensils. I pointed at the one who called go.

"He used a shoddy crossbow, he fired bolts at someone wearing the Tartarus alloy armor, the list goes on," By this time I was at him and had pulled his helmet off. He didn't look good. His entire face was bruised. I tossed one of my training bolts and the two helmets at him. "These are, these are the same alloy! How did that work? Especially with training arrows?"

"All valid points except for the armor, but what he did wrong is that he insulted someone who was obviously stronger than him, if I had used my actual arrows for battle..." I pulled out a Jester's Arrow. "... he would have died with the first arrow," They blanched. "He better be happy I was in a good mood. Something else you should know, if I was wearing armor that boosted archery I would be best in archery, however I am wearing armor that boosts melee. The more you know," They whitened even more. I pulled out the Claw of a Dragon King. I slashed a dummy. It burst into flames. "This is what's known as an elemental weapon. They can come in many variants, some are shock, some are frost but all of them are valuable. Remember that," They all nodded.

I pulled out the Dragon Claw Gauntlet and pried the claws out. I gave a claw to each of the ponies who were melee people in positions of power except the fat one of the bunch. I told them to practice with them.. A sapphire mare came up to me and helped me heal the one I knocked out. "My name is Sapphire Sword and while I do admit is was humorous what you did to Arrow Storm, but don't you think you went a bit overboard? If you knocked him out with a single... three arrows, than aren't you a bit too strong to test against?" I shook my head.

"It was my weaker skill set and no, you need to learn how to defeat people who are at least as strong as I was limiting myself to be, I don't need a puppet guard like the Equestrians. I will be getting all of you weapons, armor and training. If you fail training I have no need for you in the guard," A few of them shook but some of them held fast. "Our first training will be laps around the city. If you fall behind you will know that you are not meant for this. You are all earth ponies, you should have this in the bag. I started a backwards sprint. Only three of the six were able to follow behind. Sapphire, the goshenite one, who I found out was named Crystal Clear(These puns! They burn!) and Arrow were able to follow. The other three lagged behind in varying amounts. I slowed down for the first two who were only just behind us, but not the last one. He was fat as fuck and didn't look like he was actually in the guard because of skill. We ran around for ten laps. The fat one dropped out after two, the two ones who I slowed down for were out after seven, Arrow was out after eight and Sapphire was out after nine. Clear was with me the entire time. We talked while we ran.

I found out that he was an orphan living under the shadow of Sombra. After he got in a fight... and won with the captain of the guard they had before, Sombra took interest in him and offered him a place in the Guard. I found the new person who I want to be loyal... hell yeah he would be useful. Mutate dropped in off of the windigo and I stopped the run. We walked back to the training ground. I had a sparring match with him. He only lost in the end because I am immune to physical exhaustion. I talked with Mutate. "There are two people who I am satisfied with to be leaders in the guard. Crystal Clear and Sapphire Sword. They are trained in physical endurance. That said, there is only one who I am displeased with. He is the fat one," She laughed at that.

"Why did they want you as a ruler though? I can't imagine they looked at you and said 'I want him as my next ruler!' as if there were no other candidates," I shook my head.

"It's probably because I killed an entire dragon horde in front of them and was then polite and courteous to them." I brought Mutate inside. We walked to the barracks. We passed through a mess hall to an officer training hall. I saw the three who I had constant contact with training very hard. The two ponies who I just noticed now that looked like twins were having a sparring match and the fat one was on his ass eating. "What the fuck are you doing lazing about private?" The fat one looked affronted while everyone else was holding back laughter.

"I am Captain Noble Blood! Treat me with the proper respect!" Everyone winced except for me. I laughed. I laughed a maniacal laugh so insane it shook the fabric of the universe. *rumble rumble* God fucking damn it! Why does this world suck so bad?

"Training arena. Now. Unless your wont is to make claims about deserving respect and backing out when being forced to prove it?" He gave me a scathing look and followed me. I gave him a set of Hellstone Armor. I got Crystal Clear to call the beginning again. I tensed up and waited. The go came and I was already rolling to the side. His sword came flying past me. I threw the Wing of the Demon King. It cut off an ear on the way back. He started screaming. I walked up to him and put my sword up to his throat. "You lose. You will be kicked out from the guard, you will give up all armor, noble standing and weapons and you will not bother us again," He whitened at the noble standing remark. He took off all of his armor and gave me his swords. He walked away. All of the watchers applauded.

"I am going to sleep, if I get woken up for any reason tomorrow I will be slightly mad at the messenger and extremely pissed at the emergency, and it will be an emergency or I will be very displeased," Everyone nodded and Mutate followed me. We went up to the bedroom in the castle. We had sex and I went to sleep.

I woke up early in the morning, Mutate a few seconds later. We walked down to the throne room. I sat in the throne. I was on there for Five. Fucking. Minutes until a fucking emergency happened. Crystal barged in and shouted "There's a pink alicorn and a unicorn coming! They have some Royal Guards with them. When we stopped them and asked them for their reason of coming into town they barged past us. They're on a warpath towards us!" The doors slam open. Cadence(Hopefully the real one) and a unicorn storm in. It looked like the unicorn with the badass armor... ha ha ha motherfucker! I own your armor!

"Release the crystal ponies from your bidding evil tyrant!" She then saw me on the throne. "What the buck are you? Auntie Celestia never told me about one of your kind. She only said she got rid of a monster," That bitch!

"I'm glad she's locked up in the dungeons then," She looked like her brain broke for a second.

"Why is Auntie in the dungeons?" She was glaring at me.

"For killing a few hundred ponies as well as attempted murder," Her brain.exe broke.

I got my guards to escort them off of the premises. I then made sure that the windigoes would make her stay out. I went to the Crimson. Mutate came with me, as did Crystal. I gave him a hellstone armor set. He was fully able to come with us. He stayed up top to train against the creatures. I got five frost wolf warriors to go with him and defend him if it looks like he will get hurt. We descended into the fleshy bowels of the Crimson...

Author's Notes:

To any of you who dislike my humor.

Our adventurers are heading into the belly of the beast, literally. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Blueblood's ancestor is an earth pony! It's canon now!