The two doctors finally came out of the room. Three nurses followed along, the last in line pushing a small cart with various medical equipment on it, most of it obviously used. Twilight couldn’t help but notice the large bag underneath that had been stuffed with bloody bandages, or the red tipped sewing needles on top. They stopped in front of Solid Charge to give him their review as he had requested before they went inside to treat Raegdan.

“We did all that we could, though it wasn’t as much as we’d want to,” the older unicorn doctor said. “We’ve reapplied the salves for his burns, and replaced the bandages. He asked us to go a little overboard on them. He wishes for the young ladies to see as little as possible.”

Solid Charge nodded, looking pleased. “What about the rest?”

Twilight spoke up before the doctor could answer. “Is this really necessary? I’ve seen him injured before.”

“It is,” Solid Charge answered gruffly, making it plain this was not going to be debated any further. “I advise you to refrain from trying to sneak a peek. Can you continue please?”

The doctor went on with his report after he signalled for his colleague and the nurses to go on their way. “None of the arrows reached deep enough to cause internal damage thanks to his armor. There is some muscle damage, but the worst is the one that went through his hand. We are worried about the nerves there mostly.”

The minotaur inspected his own hand, opening and closing the burly fingers in a fist. “Will he be able to use it?”

“It’s too early to tell. The patient reported some numbness, but he could still move the fingers at least a little. I’m afraid there’s nopony who can help more. He believes he will be fine himself with some time.”

Solid Charge snorted. “Big surprise there. Anything else?”

“A few cracked ribs. His left shoulder blade and the collarbone in front are both seriously fractured. I suspect some damage on his legs too, though we haven’t been able to confirm. He’s having trouble telling the pain apart.” The doctor chewed on the inside of his cheek for a couple of seconds. “I also advise against your course of action. The best thing right now would be to let him rest.”

“I’m afraid he doesn’t have that luxury right now.”

The doctor harrumphed loudly, making his displeasure known. “I have left a few bottles of orange juice inside for him if he prefers it rather than water. Make sure he drinks as much as possible. If he needs to use the bathroom don’t let him walk on his own. And for Celestia’s sake, let him sleep as soon as you can.”

Solid Charge opened the door and waved for everypony to walk inside. The doctor stood to the side, his scowl deepening the more ponies went inside the room. Solid Charge, Cast Iron, Leaf Stream, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, and finally Twilight herself.

Raegdan was wrapped entirely in bandages, some of them turned slightly pink at points already. She couldn’t spot a single spot of uncovered flesh on him. The doctors really did a good job. All she could see was his eyes and his lips. She wasn’t sure, not without getting extremely close, but the edge of them looked cragged and cratered.

He wore nothing apart from a sheet they fashioned into a robe with some quick needlework, with another sheet thrown over him. A thin thread with a small blackened piece of metal hanging from it laid on the table next to him. Twilight recognized it. She only saw it once, but she never forgot it. She wondered where the other half is. She had a suspicion it was currently hanging around the neck of another bedridden patient.

“How are you?” Twilight asked quietly. He kept his eyes on her, not bothering to glance at anypony else.

“Tired,” he said simply. She believed him. She could hear it in his voice. She felt exhausted herself, and she didn’t have his injuries, both the past ones from a few days ago, or the fresh ones he received today. The defeat in his eyes extinguished the last vestiges of her previous anger. He had reached the pinnacle of stupidity as far as she was concerned, but she was no longer mad. The only thing she felt was a deep sadness welling from inside her.

“Are you in pain?” she asked. She didn’t expect an answer, not an honest one. Raegdan, as far as he was concerned, was never really hurt. Physical pain was always an inconvenience, or something to joke about. A funny gag, like a slip on a banana peel, only he kept it up even while bleeding everywhere.

“Yes. A lot. I can take it though.”

Twilight had trouble believing her ears. Did he really just admit- She looked at the door behind her. Did she enter some kind of bizzaro world?

“Mind telling us what in tarnation ya were thinking with that stunt you pulled today?” Applejack asked.

“...I don’t know. I just- Everything was screaming at me to run. I didn’t know what had happened, I was in pain, I- it doesn’t make sense to you, I know, but… it did at the moment. I was... all I could think of was to get out, get Luna and… all that made sense was the rift.” Raegdan stumbled through his sorry attempt of an explanation.

“The one that Princess Celestia mentioned? Would you mind explaining what this rift is, please?” Rarity asked civilly as she opened one of the bottles the doctor mentioned, and passed it to Raegdan.

He took a long sip. Some of it spilled out of his lips and over his bandaged chin. Fluttershy quickly wiped off the liquid with a cloth. He tried to place the half full bottle on the small bedside table and he lost his grip on it. Pinkie Pie caught it before it fell on the ground and left it near the edge for him to reach if needed.

The way he accepted their unrequested aid without the slightest sign of complaint caught Twilight off guard. Perhaps she should rip off the bandages from this stranger’s face and ask him where the real Raegdan was.

“It’s a long story. Very long.”

“Even if it is I’d like to hear it,” Solid Charge said. “I want to hear anything you have to say if I am to make a decision as Princess Celestia asked me to do.”

“Here’s the problem though,” Leaf Stream added. “We can’t be sure if he says the truth.”

“I will-” Raegdan tried to say.

“Yeah, right. You will say the truth, and I can fly,” Leaf Stream mocked.

“I have to,” Raegdan insisted, looking to be almost in pain from admitting that. “Celestia is right. I would have killed Luna tonight.” He looked out the window for a moment. “She’s right. I did the wrong thing again. I’m trying not to, but… What Celestia said. Does everyone really…” He let the sentence hang in a question.

“Oh yeah,” Leaf Stream vindictively. “Almost everypony in Baltimare considers you heroes. Too bad that the truth is that you at least are an utter piece of shit!”

“Leaf Stream!” Rarity shouted in offense.

“Oh, blow it out your flank.”

“I deserve that,” Raegdan admitted.

“And so much more,” Leaf Stream said, “but that’s all I can give at the moment. I’d say more, but the princess more or less covered it. I tried to think of something more stupid than what you did, but all I could come up with was somepony throwing himself in a monster’s mouth while going “wheee!” And guess what? You already did that one!”

Raegdan spent some time fidgeting with his bandaged fingers, thinking instead of answering. He pulled at each with his other hand until they made a cracking sound, slowly moving to the next, not really paying attention to what he was doing. Fluttershy obviously thought that he had been breaking his fingers, but a glance at Twilight watching calmly convinced her otherwise. He reached the second to last finger in his left hand, and then tried to take hold of the one that was no longer there, looking surprised for a second when he saw it wasn’t there.

He sighed and tried to scratch beneath his chin, quickly pulling his hand back when encountering more bandages there.

“I’m really not sure what to do,” he explained. He took the bottle back in his hands so he could drink. “There are things you should probably learn. Things I’d prefer not to tell you, but the way things ended up tonight maybe I should. Others I don’t-” He stopped. One of his fingers tapped fast at the short neck of the bottle.

Applejack walked forward. “Listen big guy, why don’t ya just tell us everything you can? We’ve stuck with ya so far, right? Start by trusting us a little first.”

“You don’t have a great record for me to trust you so far either,” Raegdan said, scowling under the white strips of cloth. He didn’t sound angry though. Sad perhaps.

Applejack smiled apologetically, waving her front hoof. “Ain’t gonna contest that. Truth is none of us done things right so far. So here.” Applejack opened a saddlebag she had brought with her. She removed a stack of letters from inside and left them at Raegdan’s side. “None of them open, including the one ya gave to Leaf Stream, just like ya asked. Before ah forget, ah also have a confession to make. Before we got on the train I overheard you and Luna talking. Ah had been there a little longer than ah made you believe. I’m deeply sorry for that. I should have left, but I stayed so I could listen instead like a bad mannered filly. Ah’m sorry. Didn’t tell nopony anything however. Ah promise ah won’t”

“You didn’t?” Raegdan asked, not believing what the earth pony told him.

“Nope!” Applejack said smiling. “And I still won’t. It was wrong of me to do that. Ya want trust? Alright, here’s mine. Ah trust you to do what ya believe is right. I’m not sure yer clear on what the right thing is however. Ah trust ya and Luna to do what you claim ya want to do regarding all them monsters. It’d sure be nice not to have to worry whether Big Mac or I get back home safe every time we get on the road. Ah trust that Twilight, Spike, the rest of us, and Luna are safe around ya.”

“Luna wasn’t safe tonight exactly because of me,” he reminded her bitterly

“No. She didn’t get hurt in the end though, did she?”

“Only because you-” Raegdan paused, perplexed by what he was about to say.

Applejack smiled even wider. “Were there to help? Gosh darnit, this is what ah’ve been trying to get in your thick skull for days. There’s nothing wrong with accepting some help from your friends. Ya shouldn’t have ended up wanting to talk to us because ya feel forced to. We’ve been here all this time, trying to help ya both. All ya need to do is let us in. We’re your friends. Why do you think ah run behind ya, doing my best? Because you paid me? You can have that back if that’s what ya think.”

Raegdan sighed deeply. “I’m… what you’re asking for is not easy. It’s not easy at all.”

“Ya told the princesses, right? Both of them.”

“Luna is different. I’ve told you before. She could understand. Celestia couldn’t, not really. She tried as much as she was able to, until I finally woke up enough to see how even listening to these things sickened her. I never told her more than what she needed to know.”

Applejack pointed at the door leading outside. “If that’s what you worry about the door’s right there. Ah promise ya, the moment one of us can’t stomach hearing more we can walk out. Even if ah were to do that we’ll still stick around though. We’re not abandoning ya because of a gritty story.”

Raegdan’s head followed the direction of Applejack’s leg. He kept staring at the door as he asked her. “And if you decide that… what I’ve done should be punished? That your morals cannot align with mine? That I don’t deserve what you offer?”

“Because of your past?” Rarity asked now. Raegdan nodded, not looking at her. Rarity daintily tapped at her chin thoughtfully. “Let us assume for the sake of the argument that whatever you did in your past was unforgivable. A crime beyond anything we can imagine. I presume that Princess Celestia knows about it?”

Raegdan nodded once more.

“Why didn’t Princess Celestia saw fit to punish you for it then?”

“I’m not sure. I didn’t have a good grasp on your language yet when she explained herself, and I never wanted to clear it out. Jurisdiction maybe, or perhaps she wasn’t sure if what I told her was true. I don’t think she was sure about how much she should believe. I was half mad when I talked to her.”

“As opposed to now?” Leaf Stream said sarcastically.

Rarity ignored her. “Then your fears should be assuaged. If neither Princess Celestia or Princess Luna believe you shouldn’t face judgment for your past, who are we to say otherwise?”

“Raegdan,” Twilight said, adding her own two bits in the conversation. “The hospital today was full of ponies that were here to help Luna and you. Princess Celestia, us, the thestrals, even the doctors and nurses. All you had to do was talk to one of them. You didn’t. You chose to knock out Solid Charge instead of asking him even a simple question first. You didn’t trust anypony, not even me,” she said with real pain in her voice. He had to have known she was there, but he didn’t even try to talk to her. She ran her hoof over her eyes before she continued. “Don’t make the same mistake twice in a day. I’m here, I’m still here, and I still want to help. Let me help. Please.”

“I’m… I promised a long time ago I wouldn’t hurt you. Telling you these things would break this promise Twilight.”

“You’ve already hurt me. You never trusted me,” she choked.

Raegdan let out a disappointed breath, muttering something in his own language. The only word Twilight recognized was his own name.

“I mean,” Twilight continued, “look around you. You almost threw away everything you did for nothing. What about Solid Charge, Cast Iron, and Leaf Stream? You told us time after time how much you believe Luna needs a Lunar Guard, and you have done nothing with them. Have you started training them as you said? Did you even talk to them, give them advice, shared your experience? When you left to kill the Leviathan did you leave them instructions on what to do? How to help the city, or be ready to get you out if you made it or what to do if you didn’t? To call for Princess Celestia, or how to make more of your explosives so they could do another attempt?”

“...No.”

“Me and my friends have been standing by your side, no matter what. We keep telling you we want to help and we do as much as we can, and you keep brushing us off while still asking us to trust you and do as you say. How long should we keep trying before we give up? Are we your friends or mindless servants you owe nothing to?”

“Twilight-”

“I’m not done,” she stopped him. “Princess Celestia has been giving you chance after chance. Even now, after what you did today. Does she mean so little to you that you’ll ignore her once more? You used to love her, though I don’t know how you feel about her now. Are you trying to break her heart? Is that it? Do you feel nothing but hate for her now? Because if you don’t… I have no idea what you are doing to her then.”

Twilight stood up to pace around. She had been working herself up and she needed to stay calm, but that was easier said than done. “You are working against your own goals. Even if you had hundreds of ponies rush to join you, you’d never make use of them. You scheme behind our backs while lamenting the lack of trust. You lie, hide, and promise everything will be right in the end when it’s obvious you can’t keep that promise. You won’t. Is your plan to distance everypony from you and Luna, and then get the both of you killed? Because this is what you are doing now. If there are more out there who want Luna dead then tonight is not the last time she will be in danger because of you. One day somepony might kill her, and the reason will be that you never let anypony else help you protect her.”

She walked up to him and stared him down, scowling. “If you keep like this, Luna will die. It might be a monster that overpowers the two of you, assassins who slipped through your guard, or even yourself in your stupidity. Whichever the reason however, her blood will be on you, because you told her you will protect her while not caring for her safety at all. You said you’d do anything for her. You lied. You are doing almost nothing. You’re doing nothing because you put yourself first. You must protect her your own way otherwise you are wrong, the world doesn’t work as you think it does, and you lose. In your mind only yourself is good enough. Only you can bear the load. Well, you can’t. That was made clear tonight. So here’s the question Raegdan. How much do you care about Luna’s wellbeing? Truly?”

“How do I start?” he asked rhetorically.

“I like starting from the middle because then I can make a flashback,” Pinkie Pie answered. “Most ponies prefer being boring and starting at the beginning though. I recommend a prologue if you do that.”

It left a bitter taste in Twilight’s mouth. Here was what she wanted, what she kept asking for. Only, it wasn’t, not really. Raegdan wouldn’t give her the answers she longed for because she had simply asked, or because he decided on his own that it was the right thing to do. He was going to talk to them because he felt coerced by circumstances and need. She would have the answers she wanted, but now she’d have another question that would never be answered.

Would he have talked to her otherwise?

“Raegdan? You had promised me we’d talk. I’m… wondering if you’d mind if we used the chance to-”

“I suppose… that would clear up a lot of things. A confession of my own. Go ahead Twilight. Ask your questions.”

Why did it hurt a little every time he used her normal name like everypony else? She was the one who told him to do that, wasn’t she? It shouldn’t smart like that. It was an achievement, a statement that she no longer was a small filly that needed to be protected.

She decided to start from the very beginning. It was the easiest way to make sense of everything. There was one question that had been nagging her ever since she met Honest Serenade. It was always a good starting point.

It shouldn’t be the kind of thing you would have to ask somepony who raised you.

“What is your name?”

He huffed, smiling a little. “Not a good start. I’m not sure I can help you there Twilight.”

“What do you mean? Just tell me your name! What is so important about it that you won’t?”

“I can’t,” he said genuinely sorry. He pointed at his head. “Stupid thing is not working right. I can’t remember it. I remember people calling out to me, but when I try to remember what they called me all I get is a blank. Though…” His head listed to the right, thinking. “Maybe… John? That one’s stuck in my head. Maybe that’s it.”

Twilight wondered now, how much of his refusal to share his past with her was the fact that he didn’t remember that much -if he was saying the truth- and how much was the fact that it wasn’t good at all. Maybe fifty-fifty?

“Ok. We will stick with Raegdan then- yes Rarity?”

“I have a question about his current name if you don’t mind me interrupting darling.” Twilight nodded to let her know she could continue. “When, ah, you had that unfortunate episode on the way here you reacted badly at the mention of your name. Why was that?”

Raegdan didn’t answer immediately. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t?” Rarity said, surprised. “It was so strange. Are you completely sure it doesn’t have any special meaning? I know you said it doesn’t, but perhaps you were mistaken?”

“No. It’s just a word in Sindarin. It’s meaningless,” he said quickly.

“Sinda- what?” Rainbow asked.

“The language a race speaks in a story. Next question.”

Twilight gulped, trying to untie the knot in her throat. This was it. The greatest mystery she could remember. She never got a clear answer. Only “far away,” as if that made it clear. Now she would know.

“Where are you from? How did you arrive to Equestria?”

“I suppose you want the full story.”

“I do.”

“It’s not good Twilight. I never wanted you to know because I hoped you would never have to find out how bad things can really get. There’s a lot of death in my story. Things worse than death. Are you sure-”

“Yes.”

He hesitated. “Alright. Then I will. Not everything, but enough. I’ll try to bypass the worst, for your sake. Before I begin… I don’t want Celestia to hear any of this. She knows almost all of it anyway, but you won’t tell her a thing. Not unless Luna or I give you permission. Do you understand me?”

“We won’t,” Twilight assured him. Princess Celestia probably expected something like this. She had already told them they didn’t have to tell her anything Raegdan told them. All she wanted was to hear if Solid Charge could trust him or not.

And that Raegdan finally confided to those who were supposed to aid them.

Raegdan turned his bandaged face away from her. Twilight waited. They all did. A minute passed. Then two.

Then Raegdan started to talk.

“I lived a normal life. I had my ups and downs -that’s what I think at least-, but there was nothing special about me. I lived with my immediate family. My father, my mother, my sister. My dad was a great guy. Always knew what to do, how to act, and when. My mom was… she was the axis upon which the world turned. Someone who no matter how bad things would get would always be there for me. As far as family goes, I’d hit the jackpot.

We had a few financial problems. My father had difficulties with his job so it fell on me to help with the income. I usually did simple labor, whatever I could find. Loading or unloading cargo, moving, working in construction sites, anywhere they would take me. I didn’t do too bad for myself all things considered. My only vice after all was stories. That and simple rides on… hmm.

How to describe this? Imagine a steel frame that supports two wheels, one on each end, and a seat in the middle. A steering wheel that works simply by virtue of turning the front wheel. Now strap an engine on it that makes it able to run much faster than any living thing, and for hours at end. Hundreds of kilometers covered in hours. It was dangerous of course, but it was fun. Although I never did it for the speed. I just enjoyed the ride. The sights. The sounds. The feel of the machine rumbling. That was what my life was like back home. I worked for my family, and I breathed in any wonders I could find.

You’d love my home Twilight. I know how much you like magic, but I think you’d love the science there even more. We have miracles there, so many of them that we don’t even think of them as special anymore. Celestia might be able to move a star, but we know how they are born and how they die. There were flying machines that could circle people around the world in a day. Devices that you could hold in your hand that let you talk to anyone in the world, and let you access almost the entirety of our knowledge. We were on our way to the stars. We had sent machines out to space to take pictures of planets. We went to the moon and back. Of course, it’s all gone for me now.

There is a mode of transportation that we used. Think of it like a cart, with seats for many people, able to speed across roads with ease and comfort. I was riding on one of these one day. I was with friends, my best friend, and my girlfriend.

I can’t remember her name. It kills me that I don’t. It feels like I’ve betrayed her somehow. I think it might have started with a V, but I can’t be sure. We met when we were twelve. We were friends for a long time, until we slowly became something more. She was amazing Twilight. She was perfect.

My best friend… we called him Scipio as a joke, or a nickname. Like a famous ancient general. He loved games of strategy. You’d think it was useless, but the way he thought got us out of quite a few tough spots later on. He knew me so well he used to be able to outright guess what I was thinking at any given time. I think he gave up on me the day he could never do that again.

We were going somewhere. I think it might have been up a mountain, so we could do some camping. I’m not quite sure. I think I wasn’t in the best of moods at the time. I think something had happened, but it can’t have been too bad. It’s not important anyway.

We never made it there. There are… holes in the world. Insidious bridges that connect one place to another. We called them rifts, though not until much later. Much, much later. You can’t see them you know. No one can. They can be anywhere, a patch of ground that seems normal and innocent, until you step on it and it steals you away. Your life, your dreams, all gone in a second because you were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

It was early in the day when we were on our way. We were talking I think. Making plans on how we’d spend the day. We were having fun. The guys were teasing and making fun of each other, and the girls were hitting us with everything they could get their hands on in a mock attempt to make us shut up. Other passengers were yelling at us to quiet down. It was the last time we were carefree for a very long time.

An instant later it was night and we crashed into the wall of a city we had never seen before.”

“You’re an alien. An actual alien…” Twilight said, breathlessly. Her magic grabbed one of the orange juice bottles and she drank it all in one go. Far away, he used to say. She expected- she wasn’t sure what she expected. Perhaps that he lived on the other side of the world, though sometimes she wondered if his tales of science meant that he was victim of a- a time spell or something similar that went wrong. Coming from the far distant future was more believable than what he just described.

“Oh my gosh, that is so cool!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “So you’re like from another planet?” She and Pinkie Pie were grinning ear to ear, their eyes gleaming. Everypony else was staring at him, too stunned for words. Solid Charge looked ready to have a heart attack.

“Maybe?” Raegdan speculated. “I still have almost no idea how they work. It could be possible they do that too, but in truth I think it’s got more to do with alternate realities.” He saw Rainbow’s confused look and explained further. “Think of all creation like a book. Each page is a world or a universe, stacked over each other. If you go into a rift you end up in a different page.”

“You’re serious?” Leaf Stream almost screamed. “You’re a- an alien from another dimension?”

“More like a dimensional vagabond,” Raegdan corrected her.

“What happened then?” Rainbow asked, filled with excitement.

Raegdan closed his eyes, going back into his tale. “We started to die.”

“We didn’t see the warnings signs. The decay around us, the stench of death, the unnatural silence. It took us a while to even pay notice to the fact that it was night. We were so blind in the beginning. We were too busy getting our bearings, taking our time. We asked each other if we were ok, and we wasted time trying to soothe mere flesh wounds. A couple of people had died in the crash, and like unwitted morons we started calling for help.

It’s a wonder half of us made it out. We should have all died there. I don’t know how we survived. There were too many screams, too much confusion. I think we might have made it through only because there was so much they could eat.

You have stories about zombies, heavens only know where you of all people got that idea. These… things that shambled our way weren’t that. They were worse. Most of the time they came your way, trying to catch up to you and pull you apart. It’s what they did that first time. Sometimes however, there was a cunning to them. It got worse the more of them there were. As if all together they could pool together what was left of their mind and think.

It took us a year to make it out of the city. My girlfriend died on the second day. It was my fault of course. I didn’t know then what I know now, but in truth I didn’t have to. I just needed to move fast and save her. I didn’t. Her death hurt like nothing I’ve had ever known. I kept waking up for months, praying it was a nightmare and that she was still there, sleeping next to me. I changed my tune years later. I was glad she died. She didn’t have to live through the rest. I only wish she hadn’t died like that.

She didn’t deserve to die like this. She was so innocent, so filled with good. I’m going to spare you the details. It would only give you nightmares. I wondered for so long, what kind of universe allows one like her to die like that?

It’s so obvious, isn’t it?

The city was a horror. We were the only living people in there, and we were being hunted, day and night. We hid like rats, always moving, trying to scavenge enough supplies to make it day after day, trying to save enough so one day we could use it when we got out. Over twenty of us had survived that first night. By the time we left there wasn’t even fifteen. It was a good thing so many died. We barely found enough food as it was.

We needed to find a place to go. Thankfully that wasn’t hard to choose. We had wasted a lot of time and people trying to contact help, as if there was a chance there was anybody left alive that could help us. We weren’t home anymore, we realized that much after enough time. There were differences. Subtle ones, but we noticed them. There were still newspapers around. At first we had the absurd idea that we went forward in time. The dates were wrong so we fell for it at first. Then we noticed names written in the articles we had never heard. Countries that didn’t exist. Events that never happened.

It wasn’t a good day when we comprehended the truth.

Still, we agreed in the end that it was better than the alternative. That meant there was a way to make it back. We all had a good idea where to head to. There was another rift in that world. There’s always at least one, we understood that later. If you go through one, or someone else comes through it, it closes behind you. A few hours later another one will open somewhere else. They are always there. They never close for long. They persist until something goes through, and then they move.

When we went through it we didn’t come out unchanged. We thought it was because of the crash at first. Then we blamed it on the stress and fear, but it never left, not even for a second. There was a pain in our heads. Think of the worst headache you ever had, throbbing at the edge of your skull. The rift is like that. I always know where there is one. The pain keeps pounding in my head like a compass, showing me which direction is it. The closer I get the harsher the pain gets, until I go through. Then for a few minutes there is nothing but peace. The pain is gone. Until the rift appears again. Then the pain returns and it starts pulling at me again.

We didn’t know that of course. What we did know was that something was pulling at us to head towards it. So we did. We avoided the cities. After the hell we went through, dealing with the few creatures spread in the countryside was easy. Although I think… someone lost an arm? Or was it a leg? He still lived though so it wasn’t important. We kept going, following the pain. It wasn’t easy. It was far, too far. We reached an ocean and we still were nowhere close enough. It took us weeks just to find a way to cross it. We spent a year in that city. It took us close to four or five years to reach what we were after.

...I can’t believe I never thought about my age before. Then again, none of us had ever mentioned birthdays or anything of the like. We didn’t want to think of that or how much time had passed. We were afraid of our own mortality. We just moved.

We finally reached the place we were looking for. We… were disappointed to say the least. There was nothing to see. It was an empty spot next to a tree in the middle of nowhere, but we all knew this is where we had been travelling to for so long. We weren’t sure what to expect. We decided to play it safe.

Heavens, did we really feel like idiots afterwards.

We caught a wild dog. We gave it something to eat, making it understand we were only interested in giving it food. It was on guard, but it slowly learned to come when we had food out for it. We held it in front of the tree. One of us went to the other side, circling around. He called for the dog, dropping food in front of him. The dog ran for him, and when it touched the spot that was calling us, it faded. A few seconds later it vanished.

It took us a couple years more to reach the rift where it reappeared.

Twilight waited patiently for Raegdan, making sure he had reached at least a temporary stop in his story. It was almost too much. She was starting to get the shape of how the rest of the tale would unfold. She watched the others’ reactions. On a whole, everypony had been captivated by the thought of other worlds, and the fact that they were actually listening to one who had been there.

She hoped nopony would ask what she suspected Raegdan had never dared to consider.

“Is this how the Leviathans ended up here? Are there rifts here too?” Solid Charge asked.

“I believe so,” Raegdan said. “There’s always at least one rift, like I said. Sometimes there are two. Rarely more.”

“How many rifts are there on our world?” Rarity asked with some hesitance. “Do you know? Has anything come through?”

Raegdan didn’t answer immediately. Twilight could tell that this was something he had meant to keep to himself if he could manage. He sighed in defeat.

“There are five rifts here.”

Solid Charge, Leaf Stream, Applejack, and Twilight got up in alarm. Five. Five rifts, invisible, and never able to close. This couldn’t be. How did something like that remain unnoticed-

Easily enough. If something like the Leviathans made their way through them, and they never thought of that possibility… Unseen rifts. Dear Celestia, they were probably undetectable by magic too. Of course they were, they probably weren’t magic anyway. Raegdan wouldn’t be able to pass through them otherwise. What were these things? What made them?

“Has anything come through?” Leaf Stream asked with fear in her eyes. “I mean, Charybdis must have gone through recently, but… apart from that?”

“I can’t tell if something comes or goes,” Raegdan explained tiredly. “I can only tell if they… blink away.” His empty hand reached out towards Rarity who quickly sent another filled bottle to him. He had some trouble opening it. He drank thirstily from it, as if he hadn’t just finished one. “In all the years I’ve been here they have been used six times.”

“Why didn’t you tell anypony?” Leaf Stream shouted. “What the Tartarus has come through? What if-”

“Calm down. It doesn’t mean something has come through, remember? It could just be an animal stepping on the wrong spot. One of them’s always ends up deep in the ocean, and I’m pretty certain another one is too high to be of danger. That one has never moved. Besides, only one sticks close enough for me to check. They’re spread around the planet. They tend to stay away from each other so one is always around here. I’ve been checking on that whenever it gets used. I took care of it.”

“Had something come through that one?” Applejack asked.

“Once.”

“What was it? What did ya do?”

“I took care of it. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. That’s all I’m saying about this.”

“That’s all?” Solid Charge roared. He leaned over Raegdan, spitting wildly on his bandaged face as he made his case. “This is exactly why I don’t believe you can be trusted. These things are dangerous, and you are doing nothing about them!”

“We’re doing something, aren’t we?” Raegdan said quietly. “What do you think part of your job will be?” Solid Charge backed off as he connected the dots. “Luna’s been doing this for centuries, even if she didn’t know. Where do you think the unique monsters she fought came from? The rifts are not just dangerous. They can end worlds. Sure, most the time so far it has been only dangerous critters at worst, but all it takes is one wrong thing to come through, and your world will die. Those zombies I told you about? I saw them two more times, at different worlds. Let me tell you, these things? I don’t worry about them that much. There are way worse out there, and for all you know one of them could have been here for years already.”

Solid Charge wasn’t satisfied yet. He challenged Raegdan’s answer again. “You’ve been here for years. Almost two decades. Tell me then, why did you wait so long until you got off your ass and told somebody? You didn’t tell Princess Celestia, did you? She sounded like she believed there’s only one of them, and you never told her you can find them.”

“Because I was scared,” Raegdan explained, looking terribly ashamed. “I was afraid she would force me to go through at first, and I wasn’t… I wasn’t ready to leave yet.” He locked eyes with Twilight, looking sadly at her. “Afterwards… I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t believe she would force me to go anymore because I hadn’t really understood how Celestia thinks. What I was scared of was- I was scared that she’d ask me to look for them for her. I didn’t want to go near them. I didn’t trust myself. I feared that if I got too close to one of them I’d go through on my own. I couldn’t risk it, not then.”

“She needs to know,” Leaf Stream insisted.

“No she doesn’t!” Raegdan said vehemently. “Luna and I will take care of this our own way. Luna’s a princess of her own, she is your princess now, and she doesn’t want Celestia to know!”

“Princess Luna or you?” Solid Charge asked. “You don’t trust her not to do it someday, do you? You don’t want to give her any options other than killing you if she changes her mind.”

Raegdan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, staring down Solid Charge. “She can’t do anything about them. I’m the only one who can find them. Tell her about them, and you’ll never know if something does come through again. I’m not even going to bother checking them myself.”

“Blackmail. How surprising,” Solid Charge said, looking anything but surprised. “I’ll ask for permission from Princess Luna. If she says no, then I won’t say a word. Only if she says so though.”

“You know, little soldiers like you always nauseated me. Go to a couple of fights, see a person or two die, and you think you figured out how harsh life is, or that you gained some rare wisdom. You are just a child that finally learned that if you play with matches you get burned, nothing more.”

“And people like you sicken me in turn,” Solid Charge answered back, returning Raegdan’s angry stare in equal force. “You use your suffering like a measuring stick, disregarding anyone else’s pain as nothing because it isn’t as great, and only counting on your own opinion because of it. Pain isn’t wisdom or knowledge. It’s only pain, no more, no less. You are not better than anyone else because of it!”

Twilight rose up, attracting everyone’s attention with how quick she moved, breaking the argument. “I need to use the bathroom,” she said quickly. “Do you mind waiting for me before you start punching each other?”

“Of course sugarcube,” Applejack said. “We’ll wait.” She gave a stern look to the two tallest individuals in the room. “Quietly,” she added.

As soon as she closed the bathroom door behind her, Twilight turned on the faucets on the sink as far as they’d go. She laid her forehead on the cool tiles of the wall, listening to the sound of running water. Her breathing had become a little too fast. She forced herself to breath slow and deep.

Five rifts pounding through his head nonstop, day and night, for years. He didn’t have a knack for ignoring pain. He simply had no choice. Hay, maybe getting hurt otherwise even gave him something else to focus on. It would explain his tendency to let himself get injured even while able to avoid it. She tried to imagine a headache lasting for decades with no way to stop it or even soften it. It would drive her mad. She hated strong headaches. She always felt as if she could no longer think when she had one.

How many years had he spent heading towards them? If it took almost seven years to leave that first one… how many times had he crossed them? Today’s events made a little sense now. If he felt he had to escape, where else would he try to head to? What else did he know that well? Old habits die hard.

How many times did he fight the urge to abandon them all for one more attempt to find his home?

She splashed her face with cold water. The rifts change position after they move. If the vehicle Raegdan was in when he crossed that first time was going through a road it must mean that it hadn’t been there for long at all. Days perhaps, or even hours. So it must have moved there recently. If it moved, it meant somepony else also unwillingly left his home… or something came through.

Should she tell him? No, it wouldn’t help at all. What could he do anyway? It would only add more to his burden. Besides, he might have already thought of it, and repressed it like he did with his age. He was good at that. Way too good.

Princess Celestia already knew that Raegdan was long lived at least, perhaps even near immortal. He had realized something was wrong with his age three times before. He always forgot after some time, that’s what Princess Celestia told her. Perhaps this time it would stick.

She wiped her face with a clean towel. She took her time folding it before putting it back. Ponies always wondered why Princess Celestia let Raegdan off the hook so easily. It wasn’t just because he had become her closest friend, the one who would never see her as Princess Celestia, instead of just Celestia. It was also because of what he had already gone through. How do you find the heart to punish someone who has already lost so much due to no fault of their own?

She halfway damned her curiosity already. She was watching his eyes as he talked about his girlfriend. He missed her. He missed her and it hurt to talk about her, to remember her, even if he did his best not to show it. Twilight already knew how much he missed his family, but like a fool she never entertained the notion that he lost even more. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear the rest, though she would. He came alone.

Oh Celestia, he came to Equestria alone.

She would let them deal with the rifts their own way. They didn’t have a choice either way. Perhaps she could get them to let her examine one. She wasn’t certain if she wanted to even risk going near one, but she had to give it a shot. Perhaps there was a way to close them for good. Luna. She’d have to talk to Luna. She’d listen to Twilight. Magic was her element. She was their best chance of closing them off using magic.

All in all however, she was starting to finally get a sense of who he really was, what was driving him. So what if she didn’t like much of what she heard? What did that have to do with anything? It’s how it was. She’d have to make her peace with everything she heard tonight. The rifts had been here forever as far as they knew. They knew of them now at least.

She took one last deep breath and twisted the faucets, turning them off. She left the bathroom and made her way back to her spot, near Raegdan.

“What happened after you went through the next time?”

“The next one was completely different, though no less dangerous. There was no great threat there, no ravenous monsters wandering around. It was also not home. We despaired, sure, but what else was there to do but follow the rift again? Someone raised the possibility that we could try and control where the rift take us through some kind of wishful thinking. That sounds so hilarious now, but at the moment we didn’t exactly have a lot of other ideas.

I still don’t have even the slightest clue how they really work. There must be a way, I know there is, but I can’t find it.

It took us a long time to reach the rift, even though it was considerably closer. From what we saw that world never had a civilization of any kind. Do you have any idea how dangerous nature, true wild nature, can be? I don’t mean the soft forests where people have been going in for centuries, cutting down trees, slowly changing it to their own comfort while unaware of what they’re doing. I mean true wild forests and mountains. Animals that never learned to fear something that didn’t have claws of its own.

It was a good thing we ended there on hindsight. We taught ourselves precious lessons on that world.

We had to scavenge before, but despite the danger that was comparably easy. There were stores that still had enough long lasting food left. There were gardens that still grew food. Not on this world though. We had to learn how to hunt, something we had no idea how to begin with.

We had to learn how to stop being hunted.

We had to learn how to protect ourselves from the elements.

We had to learn what was poisonous and what was not.

We had to learn how to find drinkable water.

We had to learn how to climb mountains.

...We had to learn how to put one of our own out of their misery.

Pinkie Pie was almost ready to cry. Fat tears were pooling at the edge of her eyes. “You- you had to… one of your friends?” she asked in a whisper.

Raegdan’s bandaged head moved left and right in a slow shake of denial. “Not me. Not that time. Scipio was the one who did it. It was the only time he did. I never let him do that again, when the need appeared. I was the one who… put them to sleep if we had to from that point onwards. He would never be able to do it again. The idiot acted as if there was a choice. He never had the stomach to do what was necessary unless he was pushed to his limit.”

“This is horrible,” Pinkie Pie wailed, now fully crying. “I- I don’t want to hear anymore if there’s more of this.” Fluttershy and Rarity moved to her sides trying to comfort her as much as they could.

“There is,” Raegdan told her frankly. “I’m sorry, but if I’m- I haven’t even started little pink. This is only the beginning. I’ve done horrible things. I’ve had horrible things done to me. I’ll spare you as much as I can, but some things are unavoidable. You can leave if you want. You don’t have to hear this. None of you do.”

Pinkie Pie looked at the door behind her with longing, sniffling all the while. She turned her back to the door and sat back down, her poofy mane now almost straight down, hiding half of her face. “I’ll stay. You lived through it. The least I can do is listen. It’s what friends do.”

“Pinkie Pie, we could tell you the rest after-” Rarity tried to say.

“I’ll stay,” Pinkie Pie said with pure determination. “Did you bury your friend?”

Raegdan visibly hurt to tell the truth to Pinkie. “No. We didn’t have the time. There was a blizzard coming. We left him there. He’s probably still there, his body almost perfectly preserved in that cold. We left that world a few weeks after.”

Raegdan looked around. “I suppose it shouldn’t surprise you that we didn’t make it home that time either. Or that we ended up somewhere worse.”

“Somewhere with people still alive.”

“The sight of a city bustling with people, real people, alive and well, after so long… Can you even imagine how we felt? We thought we were saved. We could rest, we could heal, we could get help. We cheered and we cried…

Morons. Each and every single one of us was a moron. We thought the worst was behind us.

There was a war going on. I don’t know the details, and frankly I didn’t care at all to find out. They were fighting for a long time. Decades perhaps. Who cares? What I do know is that they had all splintered into thousands of factions, each of them holding a city or a small area. They were forming alliances and dissolving them daily. I doubt they even cared what they were fighting for anymore. Everyone just wanted everyone else dead.

There were four types of people. Like castes. Those who commanded the soldiers, the top, the warlords. Those who had what the soldiers wanted and needed, the wealthy. The soldiers who obeyed either the warlords or the money. And those that had nothing that the first two wanted apart from their selves. Slaves that were forced to work or entertain. The rest of the masses that couldn’t fight.

We had rushed blindly for a convoy of people we saw, hoping they would help us. It was their lucky day. New merchandize hopped right into their hands. They beat us down and took us prisoners.

Heavens, I wish I could have a second shot at them now. They would find it a little harder to do the same.

Even among a faction, or that one at least, they weren’t unified. They were more like warbands operating under one leader, but each of them looked out for their own ass first. They wanted to make use of us, but we had a serious deficit. We didn’t know our place yet. They didn’t even entertain the notion that we could have been spies or enemies of any worth. Not if we didn’t have weapons of our own. Lack of a weapon meant you had no true worth. First thing they needed to do was break us before they could use us.

There was one person assigned to this task. A torturer. It was his job to make us subservient. To teach us our place. His discipline was turning people into obedient beasts of burden. He considered himself one of the best, not only because he got results faster than anyone, but also because he never damaged the wealth he was entrusted with unseemly.

He was given the men to work on. The women would be slowly broken by the soldiers. They liked taking the fight out of them on their own way.

If she had been there… Is it wrong that I’m glad she wasn’t? She’d be alive, and perhaps I’d have ended up otherwise, but I can’t help it. I’m glad she wasn’t there.

The one thing I felt most throughout my stay in that bastard’s hands was anger. Not for him or anyone else, but towards me. I should have done something. I could have. I didn’t do anything, like I didn’t any of the other times. My friends died because of me, she had died because of me, and the rest would die here because I was a sniveling wreck. I decided no more. I wouldn’t budge an inch. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. No one would get anything more from me. Not without a fight.

The torturer was surprised. He had difficulties with me he never had before. I wasn’t screaming like I was supposed to. I wasn’t begging him to stop. The razors, needles, nails and hooks weren’t working as they should. His attempts at humiliating me weren’t fazing me as he expected.

After a couple of days he was glad for something different, a challenge. He focused his time on me, getting as creative as he could, refusing to go beyond his standards of delicate workmanship. He left the others alone. It was a mistake on his part. As long as he didn’t hurt them so he could spend his time on me, I would outlast him.

A week after he was ecstatic. He claimed I would be the pinnacle of his work. His hardest earned achievement.

Two weeks later he was simply annoyed.

Three weeks later he decided he would do the worst he could do, and fuck his reputation or whatever worth I had. He only wanted me to finally scream and beg. He decided to go for the heavy handed approach.

And that’s when he finally did what I was waiting for. A mistake I could use.

I shake my head to throw the blood away from my eyes. He’s not the same today. The bastard was preparing tools I’ve never seen before, and if that was not enough he started today the way he normally ended each session. I need to-

He left the hammer on the table.

I slowly peek back. He’s used to me being almost spent after this. If I pretend I’m already at the end of my strength… yes, he doesn’t pay attention to me. He’s busy putting back his clothes while chuckling at his collection of toys.

Just don’t turn around you bastard. Keep your back turned a few seconds more. This time you didn’t exhaust me first. Bad move. I pull my arms up. The nails don’t move. I redouble my efforts. Something will give, and it ain’t gonna be me. Never again.

One of the nails comes out of the bloodstained wood. The other one doesn’t budge. My left arm’s flesh yields first. Who cares? I’m free. I’m free! I’m free… and now I have a hammer!

That wet mulching sound was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard so far. I need to get out. I need to make my way to the rest and-

He’s breathing. Hmm. This will be a good day for once. I check the door. I can’t leave yet after all. Everyone here is used to hearing screams coming from this room for hours when we’re down here. I should make sure they don’t know I’m free yet. I pull the bastard to the chair and strap him down. I need to muffle him somehow. I search the tables. Maybe shove a rag down his mouth or… yes, this will do.

I don’t know if it’s custom made or a repurposed tool, but it fits my needs perfectly. These metals here must be used to keep the jaw open. There are small screws on the side to move them and lock them. The really lovable feature is the weird metal fixture in the middle. It must be used to trap the tongue. I grin. It even has small spikes for a good grip. Is it christmas already?

The pain of his lacerated tongue wakes him up. He quickly panics when he realizes where he is. He tries to call for help, but all he can do is moan meaningless sounds. He tries to calm down and he searches for a way out. I can see the awareness of how truly fucked he is dawn in his eyes. I’ve been wishing for this day for weeks. I’ve dreamed of so many things I could say to him when the time came. A list of his perverses against me. The name of my friends he had a round with. Pronounce judgement on him like a vengeful god. I don’t bother with any of them. I keep it simple.

“My turn.”

Where to start? He likes needles and nails, huh? There’s a load of them here. Long needles, ready to be used. I’m reminded of a movie. I laugh. Oh, this fits so well. I have to do it, it’s gonna be just perfect.

He needs to be bald first. I look around for scissors when I realize what an idiot I am being. What, am I gonna play barber? I don’t need to do a good job anyway. I’m not gonna be presenting him in front of class or something like that. His hair is long enough to get a good grip. I simply pull them all out, handful by handful.

It’s a mess when I’m done. There’s almost nothing of his scalp left. I accidentally removed almost all of his skin. He’s bleeding too much. Bright red blood is falling down his shoulders like a shower. I can’t have him fall dead from blood loss. I need to stop it, and I think I know just how. I remember a christmas movie, and there’s a blowtorch right there. And they said tv teaches you nothing. Here I come my little wet bandit.

I sigh with a feel of loss when I’m done. I miss the small barbecues we used to have back home.

I use the blowtorch to heat up the needles before I insert them all over his head. I put an extra one in his eye. The guy in the movie didn’t have one there, but we can call this my own personal touch. I push them in as hard as I can, making sure they pierce the bone.

My face is wet. Strange, only the front of it. There’s no sweat up my forehead. I look up, wondering if perhaps I’ve been standing beneath a leaking pipe. Huh, that’s weird, there’s nothing. I don’t pay attention to it. I need to keep the screams going. For cover. It seems so funny, I can’t stop laughing like a maniac.

What next, what next? I pull down tools and equipment. I want something good enough. This is going to be a one time thing. I need- yes, something like that. Power tools. In pretty good condition. I know how to use these. How many hours have I spent in a construction yard using one of these? My hands reach for a belt sander almost on their own. Oh, this is gonna sting.

I put a tourniquet high on the bastard’s left arm. I’ll have to let it loose every little while or he’ll lose feeling. We can’t have that, can we? An artist like him needs to get the full sensation. I use the heaviest grit available. I can’t afford to stay here all day, no matter how much I want to.

This is better than a mincemeat machine. Not as efficient, but who cares? The flesh on his fingers slowly vanishes like magic, bones break and muscles tear up.The rest of his arm starts to follow. It goes slow, so beautifully slow. My arms hurt from the pressure I need to press with, but it’s a burn that I enjoy. The bastard opens his mouth to scream so wide that the gag almost falls off. Hmm, I can’t believe I didn’t think to pull his teeth out first. Ah well, after I’m done with the arm I’ll get to it.

I should castrate him too. I want to see if his screams will rise in pitch. I worry about the blood loss though. What if he-

Never mind. I’ll just use the hammer.

I drop the bloody saw and check the bastard for a pulse. None. Damnit, I wasn’t done yet! He still had more to pay for. Calm down. Calm down and get to work. Time to get out. Scipio and the rest. They’re nearby. A couple of guards on the way, both of them armed. I can take one of these long knives with me, but will it be enough? All I’ve got is the element of surprise. It will have to do. All I need to do is kill one of them, and then I’ll have a gun. I wipe the blood and gore off me, before I get dressed. I didn’t even realize I was nude the whole time. My attention was directed elsewhere.

He’s got a loaded medical stash in here in case he ever went overboard. I’ve seen it more than once. I spend a few minutes to change all my bandages and go over everything he did to me again.

It dawns on me that I just killed a man. I killed someone. He may have deserved it, but… I rush to a corner away from the cadaver, and throw up. I tortured him and I laughed. I killed him, and now I plan to kill more. I empty my stomach until all that comes out is spit and stomach fluids. It takes me a while to slow down my breathing and stop my tears. I’m… I was forced to. I have to kill, or my friends are done for. I don’t have a choice. It needs to be done.

I watch the second guard bleed to death as he tries to breath through his sliced windpipe, and I still repeat that to myself. No choice. I’m only doing the absolutely necessary. I take his gun too as well as what ammo he has. The more of us armed the better the chances we have. I make my way to the cells.

Scipio rushes forward to the bars. “How did you escape?”

“Got lucky,” I answer. I don’t want to tell him what I did. I don’t want to tell him, like I never told him what that bastard did to me daily. It takes a lot of effort not to fall into dry heaves right there. “We need to get the girls and get out. Where are they?”

“Where do you think?” he says. He’s angry. He should be. His sister is there.

“We’ll get them and leave. Come on.” I open the cell doors.

“No.”

What? What the hell does no mean? “What are you talking about?”

“We’ve only got two weapons. We’re arming the rest of us first, then we’re getting them out. We won’t have time later.” He takes the weapon I hand to him.

“The longer we delay-”

“I know!” he yells. He’s gone into tears, the frustration of all those weeks of helplessness getting to him. “That’s my sister they’re raping! We need to do this right, we only have this one shot. First we get weapons and supplies. Then we save them and run.”

“Where the hell are we gonna get all this stuff?”

“You think I’ve been sitting here doing nothing? The guards don’t pay attention to us. They talk all the time, and I listened carefully. I goaded them into speaking to me. I know where we need to go, and I know where they keep the girls. I know where we must go.” He takes a deep breath. “Are you willing to kill to get out of here?”

“If I have to.”

“We lost two more on the way out, but we made it. We didn’t lose anymore, not for a very long time. I made sure of it. I picked up a little something from the armory before we left. A few tools to help us avoid any more confrontations. I never let the others know. I would leave them behind to scout ahead, and that’s what I did. Sometimes however I’d run into patrols or camps. As time went on I learned how to approach and how to separate one of them from the rest. Then I’d ask them questions. It was the safest way to figure out the best routes to follow.

I learned a lot on that world. About weapons, how to fight, how to hide. I learned how to maintain weaponry. Not all of my questions were about what laid ahead. It sounds horrible to you, but this was the only way to keep my friends alive.

We made it to the rift. Another world. This time we weren’t caught by surprise. We never were surprised like that again.

From that point on, the very first thing I did when finding people was ask questions.”

“Excuse me dears,” Rarity said in a daze. “I believe I need to visit the ladies room…”

“Me- me too,” Fluttershy whispered.

Raegdan watched them leave. Applejack, Rainbow and Rarity followed close behind. Twilight was glad she felt strong enough to control herself. It must be really cramped in there, and she doubted it would get any better. A few seconds after she was vindicated by muffled sounds.

Strangely, she hadn’t been upset too much. Maybe because she expected something like this. It felt like a story she had heard twice, only this time much tamer. She pursed her lips. She didn’t like the idea of getting so insensate to such atrocities.

“Too much?” Raegdan asked.

“Naah…” Leaf Stream said, looking pale herself. “You just told them you got viciously tortured for three weeks straight, and that you can give as good as you can take in vivid detail. I’m sure they’re fine. Nothing soul scarring about it.” She looked thoughtful for a minute. “I’m not sure what I’d have done in your place.”

They waited until the girls came back, looking ashen. Raegdan humphed. “That wasn’t even that bad. I thought you could stomach that much at least to get a sense of what I’m trying to explain. I tried to avoid it, but sometimes there’s no helping it. I’ve been imprisoned more times, and I’ve had way worse. That idiot wasn’t as good as he thought. There were others who knew how to break the rhythm to keep you from zoning out, and there are stuff at least as bad without actually hurting you. Stuff that can actually drive you insane. Nevermind the drugs or devices others have used. That was just my intro to it. I got lucky I was eased into it.”

“But you- you did the same later, didn’t you?” Rarity asked for confirmation. “Every time you…”

Raegdan tried to cross his arms. The sudden pain from his left upper side stopped him mid-move. “I didn’t keep someone tortured for weeks or months. Neither did I cross certain lines. I did what I had to until I got what I wanted.”

“Where did you end up after that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I don’t know. Some other hellhole. I’m not sure which. There were a lot of them. Some of them had people. Some of them didn’t. Most were with filled with what looked like my kind. Others… not so much. Yeah, there are more aliens. Deal with it. You’re one of them. After that one I kept at their front. I protected them as many times as I could, as much as I could. I kept them away from the work that was needed to be done if possible. They never got the nerve for it. Anyway, we went through… I don’t know how many. Enough.”

“And- and yer friends never knew what you were doing behind their backs?” Applejack asked.

“Eh, they found out after some time. They didn’t like it. They didn’t like a lot of things. They had the luxury not to. I was the one who did all the work to get them through each rift as quickly as possible. If I left it to them they’d rather stay and work for somebody to get enough funds to buy what we needed instead, or they’d risk our lives for stupid causes. None of them was our world. We didn’t have any business taking part in them and their troubles. They never understood the true cost of surviving despite all odds.”

Raegdan stopped to drink some more. He shook the bottle thoughtfully. “There were others too you know.”

“Others what?” Twilight asked.

“Others who were... who were going through worlds.”

“What did you do when you met them?” Rarity asked.

“Not much really. The first one ever we met when we neared a rift. He was heading there too, planning to go through it. He asked to join us.”

“Did you take him in?”

“I wasn’t an idiot to trust someone who survived the same kind of crap we did. He was too lively, and he kept telling stories about worlds that were peaceful and other nonsense. No, he didn’t get to come with us.”

“Ya never found any more? Someone who could help ya?” Applejack asked.

Raegdan laughed out loud. “Ah, no. Help from- that’s a good one. No. Trust me, if you see something intelligent pop out of thin air, don’t try and talk to him or her. Either kill them before they get their bearings or run as fast as you can. Preferably run, and don’t stop until you can run no more.”

“Are these folks dangerous?”

Raegdan stopped, and stared at Twilight, chewing at his lips. “Nah. I’m exaggerating a little. You don’t have to worry about them that much. They’re all just passing through in the end.”

“What happened to your friends? Why aren’t they here with you?” Please don’t say they’re dead, Twilight prayed fervently. She didn’t want to hear he had to watch them all die. It would be horrible. She didn’t want this to have happened.

Raegdan shrugged. “We lost a few more on the way. I did as much as I could, I pushed myself harder every time, but… there’s only so much I could do on my own when they weren’t willing to help themselves. Then we went our separate ways.”

“How did that go down?”

“It didn’t. Not really. I was… angry for a long time. Still am. But I think I might understand why it happened that way. You must understand, there were times we had to do things that are not easy on anyone. I was pushing them too hard, I had to. Perhaps they would have done what I forced them to do on their own if I wasn’t there. We had to resort to cannibalism more than once. We had to kill for the things we needed. We had to walk right by while people were begging for help.”

“Why- why would you do that?” Fluttershy asked, shaking.

“Because we couldn’t. If we helped anyone but ourselves we risked our lives for… for what? Strangers we would never meet again? No, we had to keep going, no matter what. They never saw it that way. They still clung to morals that would kill all of us. There wasn’t room for that, not if… or maybe there was. Maybe I… maybe I overdid it on occasion. But I had to. I had to. I couldn’t afford to budge. Because if I did I…”

“You what?” Twilight asked. “Why couldn’t you help somebody even once? What reason could you possibly have to turn your back to somepony asking you for help?”

“Because if I did and no one got hurt it would mean we’d have no excuse not to help the next time too. We’d risk our lives and one day someone would pay for it, and when that happened it would be my fault for allowing it.” Raegdan directed his gaze to the ceiling. “I never let them take such a risk. No matter what.”

He looked back at them. “Morals. They could afford them because I was the devil that pushed them. They had someone to blame, someone to hate when they slowly found out what exactly I’d been doing for all of us. They called me a monster more than once. They kept saying there were better ways. I told them they were blind idiots. We never agreed, but I thought they’d made their peace with it. They didn’t.” He stayed silent for a while. “If I ever see them again… I don’t know if I’d kill them or not. I miss them, but I’m still angry.”

“Raegdan,” Twilight asked softly. “What exactly happened?”

“It really wasn’t a big deal. Some things are meant to happen I guess.”

“Tell me. What exactly happened? Please?”

I stop. I have to stop. I need a minute, just a minute… I uncap the bottle I’ve managed to hold onto. I threw everything else away. I couldn’t carry it any more. It was too heavy, I was too tired. I almost drank greedily, but I force myself to stop after two sips. It’s all I have. It has to last me.

My back burns. I want to empty what’s left of the water on it to quench the fire that rages on it. Control. It’s only pain, and those that gave it to you are dead. You killed them, them and everyone around them. Control. Take a few breaths, and walk once more. You killed them all. They had their fun. Then it was your turn. The pain doesn’t matter anymore. Not now.

I’m not so sure about this. They hurt me badly. I think I could feel pieces of my back flap free. I don’t even know how much is left undamaged. Every movement is pure agony. I tied torn clothing around me, trying to form a bandage that can keep me from bleeding to death. I need to find the others. They can patch me up. I can’t reach behind me. I need someone to do it. I have to find them.

It’s been five days I’ve been running after them today. I can see their tracks. They travel too close together. They leave too obvious signs. I’ve warned them before. They’re going to make me repeat myself. I’m starting to get tired of these constant fights. Are they trying to get us all killed?

They’re not going to wait for me. They have no idea I made it. I haven’t slept for days. I’m too far. I won’t catch up if I waste time on sleep.

Why didn’t they come to rescue me?

They knew where they were holding me. Scipio even managed to talk to me. I told him where I hid the supplies I managed to acquire for us. I had stashed weapons I stole, food, and water. All they had to do was come during the night, start a fire at the granary, and then they could kill what guards were left at my prison and get me out. There wouldn’t even be a pursuit if they did as I asked. Everyone would be too busy trying to save what little food they had left.

Hell, all they had to do was get a weapon to me and I’d do it all on my own. It wouldn’t be the first time.

They never came back. I waited. I waited, and they never came back. I escaped on my own, but not before they had enough time to interrogate me. Bastards. Well, I had my turn. The rest will probably starve to death. Serves them right.

The supplies were no longer there. My friends probably didn’t get to them in time. They must have gotten hunted out. They probably had no other option but to leave me behind. I feel kind of proud. Maybe they finally learned to make real decisions.

I keep walking. I’m getting closer. They’re weak, they need me. They’ll go to sleep. I won’t. I’ll catch up. I smile. They’ll be so glad to see I’m fine. I’m always fine. I always end on top. I have to, I have to if I am to keep them safe. I can’t do that if i’m not-

I want to sleep, even for a few minutes. I’m so tired, and my back hurts so much...

I keep walking.

I see them. They’re almost at the rift. I was right to hurry. I almost lost them.

“I’m here. I’m here.” My voice is like the croak of a frog. Water. I need to wet my throat. I don’t even have any saliva left. There’s one last sip left. I drink it quick and throw the bottle aside.

“Scipio!” I shout, and I fight to stop the coughing fit I’m taken with. “I’m here! Wait! I’m coming.” They heard me. I see them pause and turn to each other. I start to slide down the slope. We’ll be together in minutes.

Something’s wrong. They were talking to each other, waiting, and now… they start running towards the rift. Why- what are they doing?

“Guys! Wait, it’s me! No one followed me, it’s safe. Wait. Wait!” I lift my arm in a wave, and the blood that has crusted on my back breaks. I feel a sharp pull of pain and fresh blood running down my spine.

They- they don’t stop. Why don’t they stop? I’m right here, I’m here, I found them, why do they keep running, if they go through, if they go through-

“Wait. Stop. Wait. Wait! Scipio! Wait for me.”

I run. I force my exhausted legs to work harder than they’ve worked before. My back starts oozing again, I can feel it. I don’t care. I need to- I’m not going to catch up to them. They’re too far. Stop, stop, they have to stop, this has to be a sick joke, they can’t be meaning to-

“No! No, please don’t go! Don’t leave me alone! Scipio! Please! Don’t go, don’t leave me behind, please!”

They step into the rift. They are starting to fade away. This is not real, this can’t be real, they wouldn’t do that, they’re not that cruel, please God help me, please don’t let them do this-

“No! No! Don’t leave me alone! Please don’t leave me alone! Wait for me, please, don’t, you need me, you won’t make it on your own, please, please, please, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!”

The pain in my head stops. The rift is gone. So are they. There’s nothing there. Just grass. Gone. They’re gone. They were right there, looking back at me, and they… they vanished like they were never there. Like there was nothing else they needed. Gone into the rift, gone into another world… and I’m still here.

They left me.

They abandoned me.

Why?

Someone’s screaming. It sounds like he’s being tortured, only worse than anything I’ve ever experienced before. I never heard such a painful sound before, never realized someone could suffer so much. Did anyone else stay back? I can’t see anyone. There’s… there’s rain or something. I can’t see, water is over my eyes, and that noise, that screaming and crying… When will he stop? Doesn’t he need to breathe? The screams go on and on, repeating words that make no sense. He’s asking for someone or for something, but I can’t tell what. Help? Who’s going to help him? There’s no one here who can help. I can’t help. No one helps. The screams die down after some time. It takes much longer for the crying to do the same.

I wait there. They’re not coming back. I- I don’t think they would even if they could. Still, I wait. I wait and I hope. I wait until I hope no more. I wait until the pain comes back. I can hear the rift sing to me. It says it will take me home. It’s what it always says. I never says when.

What else is there to do?

I don’t need to sleep anymore. I don’t want to rest at all. I should start moving. I’m only wasting precious time. The rift is so far away. I need to start moving. Who cares about sleep now?

They’re really gone. I’m alone now.

I’m alone.

I turn around to head back towards the slope so I can retrieve the empty bottle. I can’t afford to throw away a container as useful as that. I have a long road ahead of me. My hand searches my left pocket on its own, making sure my most precious belonging is still with me.

The road goes on and on… down from the door… where it begun… and far ahead the road goes on… and I must- I must...

I can’t remember the rest. Why can’t I remember the rest?

They left something back. A piece of paper is on the ground, filled with words. A last message for me perhaps, or simply something they dropped by mistake? I step over it and keep moving without picking it up. What does it matter? They’re gone forever. I don’t have time for this. I have to hurry.

I’m going home.

I’m going home.

I’m going home all alone.

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXWj0ayzNg0